This better not awaken anything in me (drarry, E, 24k)
i am continuing my trend of blaming my fics on other people! this time, the guilty parties are @apricitydays-lazynights and @starquestingfordrarry:
it's taken me a little over 14 months and a lot of help from some extremely talented beta readers to write the fic that spun out of this. i will not lie to you: i am very proud of the result. the concept is a banger and i think i actually did it justice.
with all that said, I'm not sure i can advertise this fic much better than i did in the tags:
Veritaserum Potion (Harry Potter), a lot of secondhand embarrassment, no really it's kind of intense, Sexual Fantasy, characters typing their sexual fantasies into ao3 dot org, Under-negotiated Kink, what if we did our kink negotiations by posting under-negotiated filth on ao3, Dom/sub, submissive top, Dominant Bottom, Harry Potter Has a Large Cock, Size Kink, Come Eating, Breeding Kink, Masochism, Pregnancy Kink, Lactation Kink, Bondage, of the sexy and nonsexy varieties, Orgasm Edging, oversensitivity, Nipple Play, brief and unconvincing blackmail, Compulsory Heterosexuality, brief but excruciating depiction of heterosexual intercourse, Scandalous: Big Dick Harry Puts Something Up His Butt, what if the porn IS the plot did you think of that
on ao3 here!
a huge thank you to my dearly beloved betas: @enparallel, @jtimu, @starquestingfordrarry, @rainstormradish, and @hoko-onchi-writes. Star also did some profile icon art that really elevates the experience <3.
Consider following political and social justice tumblrs under a different login than the one you use to find cool art / cat pictures / fandom stuff / kink stuff / etc
Or like just in general, if you're getting most of your political news in the same apps where you do most of your fun / sexy shit,
pls give some thought to where and when those streams get crossed, esp if you haven't really thought about it before
For some people it doesn't matter much, but for some people it does.
There's a concept in psychology called "overcoupling," which is basically when a person's trauma is super cross-wired, so to speak, with the present or with a certain topic
Overcoupling can both cause and worsen intrusive thoughts and depression, especially for people with a history of trauma
Or, more simply: If you're mentally whipping back and forth between cute animal, funny joke, porn, genocide psa, and hate crime footage at the speed of scrolling, that can really mess with your head, and sometimes it takes people quite a while to pin it down
Or, if the place you go to relax and look at fandom shit is also where you get all your news about ongoing global crises, that's gonna seriously mess with your ability to actually relax and rest
That sort of thing, if that makes sense. It's not "Don't do this or else!!" It's just kind of a "hey make sure you didn't accidentally frogboil your stress responses or something"
#craaaaaaap. #fuck. #fuuuuuuuck. #i gotta do smth about that. # thank you twin # but WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH #CHANGING ACCOUNTS IS SUPER HAAARD WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH #how do I know if this shit is even messing with me anyway #how did YOU know this shit was messing with people #what book did you get your strange eldritch knowledge from???
Oh! So funny story but I actually edit psychology books for a living lol
So, many books, but the knowledge isn't eldritch - it's evidence-based!
Also, before I go into it:
This isn't something anyone needs to stress over or especially panic over, especially if you don't really feel like it's affecting you personally.
I simply was having a thoughtful night and wanted to share a nudge/tip/data point to help people be more intentional
Best of luck!
But yes, further explanation!:
The concept of overcoupling specifically comes from Somatic Experiencing, which is a type of therapy and bodywork. It was invented by a psychologist and trauma survivor, Dr. Peter Levine, in the 1990s. The idea behind Somatic Experiencing, as well as other somatic ("body-based") healing practices, is that, as we know, trauma is stored not just in the mind, but also in the body - and therefore SE says, in order to heal after trauma, we must work with the body too. They have some really cool articles and theses on the org's Research page here
But the reason I know isn't specific to somatic experiencing itself, I just know a lot about trauma, psychology books, and "mind, body, spirit" publishing (kind of a genre tag for a lot of these books, especially for alternative and non-Western healing practices).
Sooooooo,
If you want specific book recs for the eldritch-evidence-based knowledge, I highly recommend:
What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma
by Stephanie Foo
and
In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness
by Peter Levine
Also major publishers in psychology and healing that I really like and respect:
New Harbinger Publications (huge leader and force in evidence-based psychology publishing)
North Atlantic Books (Peter Levine's publisher, they have a lot of really awesome and innovative books, and are the main publisher for somatic experiencing) (Ironically, they're on the Mid-Pacific Coast tho lol)
(Note since I've been asked before: This is in no way an ad or an affiliate link. I have never used either of those on reasonsforhope/directactionforhope, and I never plan to bc I believe in eliminating perverse incentives in my activism, etc. I do trust both those publishers bc I've personally worked with them, but they're in no way paying me to say this (or paying me rn in general; I'm on medical leave / sabbatical); I chose to work with them because I really like and respect them and their books.)
--
On a different type of note, in terms of how I figured it out:
I figured it out because it messed with me a lot when I was in college. And I was in college during the start of the Black Lives Matter movement and the first Trump presidency - there were a LOT of horrifying things on social media.
I'd go on tumblr, or facebook, to relax and see some cute animal pictures - and then I'd end up seeing them sandwiched between genocide PSAs, and every new #MeToo announcement, and videos of unarmed Black people being murdered
It did, indeed, lowkey frogboiled my stress responses, which I noticed bc every time I ended up going on tumblr, I ended up feeling way worse than I started. And it was specifically messing with my sleep a lot bc I'd be scrolling before bed, as we all do, and then - BOOM ! DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS HORRIFIC WAR CRIME?
like every 3 posts
and I was actually in a city with that was targeted by a lot of right-wing extremists, so there wasn't like, a lot of space between "horrifying news shit" and "my life" and things like "is it safe to walk to the store right now?"
It wasn't great for me!! I ended up quitting tumblr for like 6 years, until the COVID pandemic started and I was hella bored in lockdown, and in all that time I continued to be glad I left tumblr. Honestly, if I didn't run reasonsforhope on here, I would've deleted my account on here again a couple years ago lol
I will say tumblr is actually in many ways far MORE chill about politics and social justice than it used to be. But that's because the bar was subterranean!!!!
But yeah, at the time, what I did was start by filtering things a lot better and blocking tags and using social media less.
It helped, but ultimately I decided I just didn't want to deal with any of that shit anymore. So I quit tumblr for years, and I deleted Facebook off my phone and just kept Messenger (this was like 2016; young ppl still used facebook), and it helped my mental health a lot
So I went "Great, awesome, clearly that worked, keep it up." And now I periodically just reassess to make sure that I engage with politics and triggering shit in a more intentional way
So, if you want to check if it's messing with you, you could try things like:
making a new account for a few days, and curating a new dashboard, and see how using that feels / start there
take a break from tumblr or switch to like exclusively social media playlists of cat videos for a few days, and see how that feels
filter a bunch of tags or unfollow a couple blogs for a week or two, and see if that makes a difference
take a few days to make a conscious effort to use different social media for fun than you do for serious shit / news / triggering shit. see if that feels like it's worth exploring more
And, psa just in general. Not because I think people can't take care of themselves or can't make their own decisions, but because sometimes these things really can frogboil you before you realize:
If you see a post that makes you spiral or triggers you, please take at least one step to make sure you won't see the post again
e.g., block the tag, filter a term, unfollow the blog that posted it, click "no interest in this post" on the dropdown. you can also go to tumblr settings and tell it to show you fewer posts from people you don't follow and communities you're not in, which can help a lot, esp since posts with a lot of engagement are often more controversial or upsetting
Anyway, yeah - this isn't something to panic over, especially if you don't think it's affecting you just a data point to help people be more intentional
i used to live in st. johnâs, nl, and, in late spring to early summer, it was not uncommon for a giant iceberg to float slowly by just outside the harbor. they would mention it on the news and radio. they took hours or, sometimes, days to go by. and, when it happened, it would make the whole town colder.. like ice in a glass of water. and, sometimes,⊠they would groan. as they passed.
1. Darker, Stranger, and More Magnificent by @xalandrix [E, 5k]
A surreal blend of fantasy and nightmare: Harry Potter delivered to his doorstep on a silver platter, barely alive. Only Draco's cock will fix him.
2. Midweek Crisis by Empress_of_light_luvr [G, 62k]
Harry is stuck in a time loop. He doesn't really know how it happened, or why, or how to fix it. With the guidance of the hit movie Groundhog Day, the library, a strong sense of Deja Vu and somehow, Draco Malfoy, he tries his best to get back to normal.
3. The Road to Satisfaction is Paved with Insults by @devious--muffin [E, 64k]
As the newly appointed Head Auror, Harry is under more stress than ever before. It's clear to everyone that he needs a release, but with the still insatiable press hounding him, very few avenues are available, and all of them would be breaking news. His salvation comes from a surprising source, in the form of an invitation to an elite establishment that quietly caters to all. Once he finally decides to accept the offer, Harry finds himself gravitating toward Draco and discovers not only the key to present fulfillment, but perhaps to a lifetime of happiness.
---
Fest/Exchange
1. It Must Be Something That You Said by Anonymous [E, 13k]
Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter are friends. They do almost everything together and that's totally not weird. They're not codependent or anything. They're normal, platonic friends. Only, are they?
â HD Wireless 2026 | @hd-wireless
yes, India made legal gender change impossible
but the doctor down the street who gives me my T shots
in a clinic so small that it's just two rooms
was excited for me when she said my voice had dropped
yes, India made legal gender change impossible
but the receptionist who could see that I was a man
didn't bat an eyelash when I asked to see the gynecologist
and called me sir when he asked how I wanted to pay
yes, India made legal gender change impossible
but the barber cuts my hair exactly how I want it
and never gave me strange looks for being in a men's salon
not even back when I didn't pass as one
yes, India made legal gender change impossible
but my friends have always gendered me correctly
and stick to it even when it confuses other people
and my friend's little sibling calls me older brother in Kannada
yes, India made legal gender change impossible
but my dog learned my new name quicker than the humans
and she runs to give me a kiss when she's told to
without being confused about who's being referred to
yes, India made legal gender change impossible
but I can feel the Adam's apple growing in my throat
and my muscles getting stronger, and my smile more real
and I'm growing a beard, and I talk more freely
yes, India made legal gender change impossible
but I'm here, and I'm alive, and so are you
and there are good people, people who care
and don't let them make you forget that--
you are not alone.
That is not how you desensitize a horse with the r+ method. Waving a scary object in a horse's face until it stops reacting is a method we refer to as flooding. It causes nonreaction via learned helplessness - essentially teaching the horse that there is no escape, so it might as well give up - instead of teaching the horse that there's no reason to try and escape. It causes shut-down, stressed, and unwilling horses.
If you want to incorporate desensitization into a ponyplay scene, you need to pick a thing that the pony is genuinely uncomfortable with (could be anything from spiders to bad textures to tickling to nudity, whatever kind of scene you wanna play out).
I'm gonna assume the horse in question is already target trained and clicker trained.
What you wanna do is show your horse the uncomfortable stimulus and ask it to interact with it. With theriform horses, you can often coax a horse into this by placing the target near the uncomfortable thing or by asking the horse to target the uncomfortable thing itself. Every time your horse interacts with the thing, you click and reward.
If your horse's fear of the thing trumps its desire to touch the target, you can practice operant counter-conditioning. You will have to force your horse to interact with the uncomfortable thing, but never to a point where the horse's threshold of stress is crossed. Every time you force the uncomfortable interaction, you simultaneously ask the horse to touch your target and then reward. Theriform horses generally love target training and are extremely food motivated, so they quickly come to associate the bad thing with the good thing. Eventually, with enough persistence, they should lose their negative associations with the uncomfortable stimulus.
Always use r+ training as your first choice! Only use r- when r+ fails.
when I was in high school I had a literature teacher who had a policy of unlimited extra credit. All you had to do was read a book by a notable author (his discretion) and have a little chat with him after school to prove that you read it. No limits, no need for variety (one month I decided I really loved Kurt Vonnegut and just read everything of his I could get my hands on).
Yes, I was tearing through books constantly, and talking to this teacher at least weekly. Because even though I always loved reading as a kid, literature was always a very weak subject for me in terms of a teaching-to-standardized-test school setting (I just do awful on "what color were the curtains" type multiple choice questions. Those details don't stick in my memory THEY JUST DON'T). But that didn't matter for this class. I could just read my way out of any bad test score. I have always had fond memories of how I "fudged" my way through that class and "abused' the extra credit policy.
I was thinking about it again today, and only just now realized that he absolutely tricked me into being well-read, while my teenage self thought I was totally getting away with something. THAT MOTHERFUCKER. I hope he's doing well.
I am saying this as a Gen Z queer, before yâall get your guns out to fucking shoot me.
But I need yâall to understand that if someone doesnât give you their government name in a queer space, itâs not because theyâre âmysterious,â and you do not have permission to take it upon yourself to figure out their âreal identityâ and go digging for them online like a private investigator. First, thatâs creepy and a violation of privacy and reasonable boundaries. Second, some of us keep our private and professional lives very separate because we need to keep food on the fucking table and a roof over our heads, and our private life could jeopardize that.
âWhy wonât you tell me about your parents?â âWhy canât I know your real name?â âWhere do you work?â
1.) Not all our parents would bake us a fucking cake when we come out. Some of us are closeted. Surely you understand this? You also do not need to know my parentâs names or occupations; we are both adults. I do not need nor want to mix you and my private life with my parents and my public life.
2.) Trans people do not owe you their dead name or government name
3.) Iâm not telling you for the sake of job security. I am a government fucking caseworker working amidst a fucking lavender panic!
âThereâs no way youâre a different person outside this; youâre still you at your core. What harm is thereââ
No, I am a completely different person. A different person with a different personality and different interests and a different name and presentation. I am a completely different person because I keep this life and my public life private to avoid fracturing 90% of my interpersonal relationships and 100% of my professional ones.
âYouâre not out? But youâre so confident.â
Seeâ thatâs part of the issue. Yâall assume someone is in the closet because they hate themselves or lack self-identity. Some of us know exactly who we are, but need to prioritize financial stability or else our entire life gets exponentially harder immediately.
You meet queer people over the age of 40 and one of the first/earliest questions is âwho knows?â
I need yâall to start bringing that energy. Because itâs not always safe for someone to be out and not everyone is safe to be out around.
There is a misnomer that âthe closetâ inherently means âdoesnât know theyâre queerâ and not âisnât out widely and publicly.â âOutnessâ is often a patchwork.
Even if someone who isnt out does share any life details with you, you keep those to yourself. You tread carefully and assume others dont know until told otherwise. And sometimes you lie and help keep that closet door shut.
It is ok to feel super weird about it if someone comes out to you as trans but tells you to only use their preferred name and pronouns privately just the two of you. It's fine to feel uncomfortable when people ask you if a gay person has an opposite gendered partner. It is so valid to feel weird and bad deadnaming someone even though they requested it. It stops being valid if you do anything other than they asked. Feel your feelings, and keep them to yourself - someone else's identity isn't about you.
