This is how, on the night of the party, when he turns around to a call of his name while heâd previously been talking to a potential fuck, he sees Y/N storming towards him. She was in a sweater far too big for her that she was practically swimming in, and beneath were something of a sweatpants material stopping just above the knee, her hair thrown into a bun. It had looked like sheâd just rolled out of bed and the realization washes over him in a tidal wave, of what heâd unintentionally done.
First, she throws a drink in his face and down the front of his shirt, before her hand reaches out to slap him on the cheek, âYou fucking asshole!â She all but yells, and even though the party had begun dying down with the time of night, there were still enough for Harry to feel a flicker of embarrassment for the both he and Y/N at the circumstance, âI get it, you donât like me, I donât like you either. But I would never â never â not invite you to one of our friendâs birthday parties, you heartless prick.â Her voice cracks around the last insult, and itâs then under the glow of the lights he can make out her eyes swollen puffyâŠsheâd been crying. What Harry had done had made her cry.
or
Harry and YN/ hate each otherâŠbut things change
DISCLAIMER: This is an A/B/O dynamic fic, and here is a quick guide to it in this link (if you want more info then a quick google search will work). Every universe for it is different so if mine doesnât follow exactly what you read then thatâs why. If youâre not into this stuff then this is not the fic for you!!
(y/n) hated physics while harry loved it, but both of them have a couple of secrets.
part two (momentum)
âââââ
College sucks.
(Y/N) knew that from the second she had to pay for books that should have been provided given the extravagant amount she paid in tuition. Her viewpoint was only reaffirmed when she attended lectures for mandatory courses that had nothing to do with her major, with professors who didn't care whether or not she was comprehending the material. All she was really doing here was getting a fancy piece of paper with a seal on it in hopes of being taken seriously when looking for a job.
It only sucked worse when she felt like she was failing, and barely saw the roommate that had promised to keep her sane through the entire experience.
That was how (Y/N) found herself drunk and alone on a Friday night.
To be fair, she was having a lot more fun than she would have thought considering she was not a talented bartender and the vodka cranberry she messily mixed in her kitchen tasted of sweetened rubbing alcohol at first sip.
Loud music was blaring through the apartment (or at least as loud as she knew she could get away with, considering her neighbors weren't too keen on the college experience), with every door left wide open throughout the space. The apartment felt bigger through her hooded vision, her clumsy choreography feeling like a grandiose production with the make-believe partner she conjured out of the Kacey Musgraves lyrics that floated throughout every room.
It was only when she remembered she was alone that she wished so badly there was someone with her. Someone to hold her like Kacey described, to kiss and touch over her body in loving runs. That was when the fog in her mind took on a rosied tint, a yearning feeling aching to trace out the form of another.
She blamed it on the alcohol, and the fact she had been single for far too long. Since she was aloneâsomething she had started the night grateful forâshe became a little too aware of the lusted shift her thoughts were taking and how much she wished she had someone else there to relieve the ache that was sparking between her thighs. (This happened often when she drank. She was a loving and affectionate drunk, making the absence of another glaringly obvious to her).
(Y/N) didn't have even half the mind to be embarrassed as she dug around for her laptop in her room, too preoccupied by the tipsy lens she was seeing the world through, and the longing that had settled in her stomach. After finding her treasure, she settled herself on the wrinkled mess that was her bedding, and opened a familiar browser. It was a little too instinctive as she typed in the familiar website, but she couldn't find it in her to care when the lazy thoughts floating through her mind were urging her to find any kind of release.
That was how she found herself on a cam-site.
Truly, it had been a slip of the finger. All she had tried to do was click on the minuscule 'x' tacked in the corner of a shady pop-up ad on a much more legit site, but her lagging response time made it that much harder to react before she was being directed to a completely different site.
This one lacked the typically dark grey and black shading that other explicit sites utilized. This one used a green based layout, leaving the attention to be placed on the rows and rows of thumbnails dotting her screen. Across the main page, the site boasted a channel of over fifty-thousand different performers, making it easy to find something 'to your liking'. The small boxes that filled out the screen displayed different people in various states of undress (or in outfits (Y/N) wasn't aware were made in real life), some with their faces cut out of frame and others feeling no need to hide their identity. They were all stilled into a single scene from their 'stream', as it was labeled under the tile, some performing acts that she hadn't known were physically possible. Once she realized what it was that she had been loaded onto, she pulled back with a gasp.
She had never been on a cam-site before; the idea of paying a stranger to get off on camera while she lurked on the other side with complete anonymity felt a bit too sleazy to make her comfortable or turned on. Fully intending to backpedal onto the familiar site she had accidentally left, (Y/N) barely swept her lagging eyes over the expanse of the site, her fingertips lazily tracing over the touchpad to take her back.
Until she saw one tile of a person just sitting there.
It was a short view of a man's chest, the frame cutting off at his neck to give the full of the attention to his seated body with his torso the main focus. He was sat in something that emulated the office chair that she had pushed into her desk in her room, nothing especially pornographic about the set up; even the dimmed lights in the background denoted nothing other than a quiet night in. He wasn't undressed as far as she could tell from the pixelated view she was given into his video. A gauzy button-up was stretched across the broad of his shoulders, the fabric thin and left unbuttoned enough to show a pair of birds tattooed below his collarbones and something that could either be a butterfly or an octopus on his tummy given the quality of the thumbnail. He even had his pants on.
More than anything, the lack of lewd acts and scandalous dressing made her curious. Maybe it wasn't required that you do anything explicitly sexual during your stream.
Her decision tasted like cranberries saturated in vodka as she rerouted her finger on the touchpad and instead tapped on the username that was spelled out under the tile. It only took a second before his profile popped up. The page shared the same layout as the main site; a plain sage green base backing the much more customized personal page that displayed his information.
His screen nameâtreatpeoplewkissesâwas highlighted in a golden yellow across the top. The details of his profile generated underneath. Most of the categories were left vague; only a country filling in his location, and a single letter (H) giving him a name. What looked to be a screenshot or a still from one of his videos acted as his profile picture, the setting similar to what she saw as he was sat in his dimly lit base with a barely buttoned top on with the black of his tattoos shining through the fabric. A green dot beside his user confirmed that he was online. A stream of posts made up the rest of his page, the most recent status making a claim that he was LIVE NOW! with a bright pink link that had been shared a little over ten minutes ago.
(Y/N) felt a pit in her tummy as she pressed the link. Something like guilt blinked through the vodka-induced haze, feeling odd to be viewing someone so intimately while she didn't have to share a thing. But, she reasoned with herself, if that wasn't something he was comfortable with, he wouldn't be on this site. Besides, as far as she could tell, he wasn't doing anything like his counterparts on the site, so she might not be seeing anything explicit anyway.
Nevertheless, she didn't stop as the screen loaded, directing her to the stream she had only gotten a glimpse of on the start page. Her laptop filled out to a new setup with the main video displayed in the center with the boy she had seen still sitting in his comfortably lit room and his ethereally thin top. Beside the video was a chat stream, where all comments were shown in response to anything he said or did. A thermometer-like bar was plastered on the other side, displaying how much money he had already made that night with a goal tacked to the top of the bar. In the ten minutes since he had gone live, he had already made a hundred dollars with the promise of more coming in if the range of comments had anything to do with it.
HisâH'sâthroat bobbed around words she couldn't hear with gentle expansions of his chest under his shirt as he breathed, nothing at all like the wild extremes that had been sandwiched around him on the main page. She worked on something like autopilot as she turned up the volume on her laptop, wanting to know what was getting the comments flooding in faster than she could catch.
Maybe it was the alcohol-induced lag going on in her head, but all (Y/N) could register for a moment was how deep and inviting his tone was as it washed over her. He had drawn her in in a matter of seconds.
He seemed to be responding to comments, though the tone he used made it feel like he was talking to only her; answering questions she had forgotten she asked and responding to compliments she wordlessly gave. He was good at what he was doing. Even without his face in the shot, it felt like he was speaking only to her, as if there wasn't a hoard of comments streaming through at every pause
"'M happy you're having a good night, darling. Thank you for letting me be a part of it."
He spoke low and slow enough for her to register through the haze in her mind, the words dripping over her like honey. What kind of dreamboat was this? And how did he exist on a site like this?
No matter whatever direction this stream took, she was sure actors of any kind wished they could procure a relationship like this with viewers; something personal enough to keep them coming back for more no matter the content.
(Y/N) leaned in, listening intently as H let out a breathy laugh that filtered through her speakers, the sound deep and rich like the rest of him. She could only imagine the kind of smile that stretched across his lips in conjunction with the sound. She wished she knew what the color of his lips were.
"Is that what the mood for tonight is? Well, I won't keep y'waiting, I know it's been a long week, love."
Her eyes only widened as he joined in on the tradition of the site he was registered on, making a slow show of unbuttoning the remaining bindings on his top and revealing the full of his chest to the camera. All the while, he entertained comments and kept her listening while her eyes were fixed to the fluid and comfortable motions he made over his body.
It was that easy to get her hooked.
She couldn'tâand didn't want toâfind any will to exit from the stream, even when he progressed to taking the stripping up another level by taking off his pants. She was transfixed on him and his ability to make the entire experience much too personal considering the nature of the transaction. It was effortless how he drew her in, doing nothing other than using the body of his voice and indulging in his own pleasure.
And, god, he was just hot.
His voice was entirely too warm to be that of a stranger she had never met and she'd never have the opportunity to hear in person. He touched over his body with the assurance that no matter what he did, it wasn't only for him, that he knew exactly how much his viewer liked it and he would make sure he wasn't the only one feeling good in the experience. The cherry on top was the fact that in that first stream, as if she wasn't already a sucker for him, he called himself daddy. He moaned around the honorific, teasing and beckoning her in to join him in his scene and to help him work his cock and take all he had to give her.
She knew she would be coming back when he ended the stream, chest a flushed red and his hand wrapped in a towel as he cleaned himself up, with a declaration of affection: "I adore you." He didn't log off until he requested for his viewers to wait for him, as if she had any plans otherwise at that point.
He was intoxicating in every sense of the word. More even than the vodka cranberry she had drank through that first night she found him.
That had been only the first time she had indulged in his stream.
(Y/N) only relented to making an account on the site when she had visited his page for the third time (second time sober). She felt a bit guilty to be viewing his content for free when it was clear this was an opportunity for him to make money through the tips that poured through and filled the meter to the side of the video. But, she found her own way to support him once she was comfortable: she commented in the chat stream. She was much more tame than others, but she did enough to let him know that he was appreciated by her. That she liked him.
It was lame to say, especially out loud, but H had become the consistent man in her life and she liked that she was granted with the privilege of being a part of the fantasy of his stream. He made it that much easier, even in the short amount of time since she had stumbled onto his page, to get through classes with something to look forward to when she was burnt out. He made getting off a lot more fun, if she was being honest, even if he was nothing more than a fantasy that played out on her laptop screen.
She was never going to meet him anyway, so she was free to pine over him, she decided. No harm done.
âââââ
(Y/N) loved her roommate with her whole heart.
Naomi had been her best friend since their freshmen year and was the one person she knew she could live with without jeopardizing their friendship in the process. She had even enrolled in a physics courseâsomething outside of her required creditsâjust because Ny needed to take it and was scared of going alone. (Y/N) loved her like a sister.
But, god, she fucking hated her sometimes.
After (Y/N) had gone through all the trouble to get signed up for the physics course she didn't need, and even gone through syllabus week and prepared herself to work with something that was entirely out of her wheelhouse, Ny dropped the class. The worst part was that she hadn't even bothered to let (Y/N) in on the secret until the deadline had passed. Her apology was given in the form of a pair of guilty puppy dog eyes staring at her as Ny pleaded with her to not be angry and that she would do all their laundry for a month to make it up to her. ((Y/N) managed to up the deal to two months before she accepted).
That was how (Y/N) found herself walking alone to the science building, trekking the dreaded route to Prof. Stanfill's room. It wouldn't have been so bad if she felt any semblance of comfort in the course and the material, but (Y/N) hated her physics class almost as much as she hated Ny the day she confessed she dropped the class.
She had always known the sciences weren't her strongest suit, but this was on another level. No matter how many times she tried to understand the direction the lesson was taking, notes dutifully pulled up on her laptop, nothing seemed to help the confusion that settled over her as soon as Stanfill started his lecture.
Not only did the material go entirely over her head, but she was almost halfway sure her professor was actually just a walking robot. From the moment she sat downâattendance was a huge part of her grade unfortunately, otherwise she would have skipped almost every sessionâ, she was assaulted with his monotone voice and the too-small projector he had displaying dated notes she was sure he hadn't updated since the nineties. The worst part was that she didn't even need to be there; this wasn't advancing her any closer to her degree, but it was too late.
Now, she was stuck with Professor Stanfill and a file on her laptop full of useless notes.
(Y/N) did her best to make the most of it, finding anything to comfort her through the class and make it somewhat easier to process. Whenever she could, she made the trip to get some sweetened coffee to bring with her. She never made a huge effort to look put together for the class either, opting for sweaters that accommodated the weather outside and she could get away with napping in when she made it home. She had also claimed an aisle seat in one of the further rows in the back, closest to the door. As soon as class was dismissed, she took full advantage of the prime spot to bolt out of there as quickly as possible.
That's how her Monday had started as she walked into the lecture hall, a comfy sweater wrapped around her form and a too-hot coffee warming her palm. She dropped her bag beside her preferred chair, pulling her laptop out onto the bench style table top that lined the amphitheater of seats. The space beside her was occupied by the boy with the kind smile that had taken the chair after Ny dropped the course.
He was another of the small things that made getting through the session just a bit easier, despite the way (Y/N) hadn't ever had a real conversation with him in the last month they'd been seatmates. Even with the lack of conversation, he had been nice enough to offer her a pen the first day (Y/N) had walked in alone as a flustered mess after Ny had confessed her secret. He regularly gave her soft smiles and whispered short thank you's whenever she passed down worksheets or let him scoot behind her when he was on his way out. He was a good seatmate to have; kind, quiet, and consistent.
HeâHarry? Or his name could be Edward, she's honestly not sure and she feels too bad to ask considering she felt like she should know by nowâwas the coziest person she'd seen around campus, too. Every session he showed up in some variation of a chunky cardigan or sweater (today's knit was a large orange mess of thick yarn, the color deep enough to resemble a pumpkin's rind), wide-legged pants, and a pair of scuffed Vans that looked well loved. Varnish was always painted over his nails, the polish sticking around for two weeks before he had something new glimmering at his fingertips (this week's was a warm brown color with glittery gold accents). Before every lecture, he pulled his glasses from his bag to perch the wide frames on the bridge of his nose.
What (Y/N) had noticed first about him was just how smart Harry was. It was clear in the way he took his dutiful, color-coordinated notes, and the way he breezed through exams with the near perfect scores on lab write-ups. His notes were handwritten in a pristine notebook that, if (Y/N) hadn't known better, she would have assumed it had never been used. Compared to (Y/N)'s typed version, his were levels above even with the somewhat messy nature of his writing. She wouldn't be surprised if he was on the dean's list every semester with the university throwing money at him in hopes of keeping his attendance lest he choose somewhere more Ivy League. She looked forward to the speech he would give at graduation as top of their class.
If she couldn't have Ny with her, she was happy to have someone like Harry seated with her.
(Y/N)'s attention shifted when Professor Stanfill dimmed the lights and projected his notes across the canvas hung at the front of the room. No introduction was offered as he dove into this lecture's subject. She was always left a bit scrambled to catch up with him, though she knew beside her Harry had his hands busy already finding value in whatever Stanfill was saying.
âââââ
"Bye Ny! Text me if you need anything!"
Naomi tossed her promises and goodbyes over her shoulder before leaving in a flash of shaggy blonde hair to meet with a couple of friends for a study group. (Y/N) basked in the silence that settled over the apartment for a moment, her muscles decompressing.
After her physics class, she had immediately gone home and tried her best to get through some homework and even attempted to sort through her physics notes in hopes of rearranging them to make any sense. With all the added work, she felt like she hadn't left campus in over ten hours despite the comfort of her own apartment around her. The only thing that had drawn her from the struggle that was her school bag, was Ny dragging her out to say goodbye before she left. Now, with the clarity of mind she found away from her work, she was able to finally deflate.
She didn't want to go back to her work, not having the strength to reanalyze a concept she had little to no grasp on anyway. So, she stuffed all of her things back into her bag and tucked it away underneath her desk with no intention of looking at it again until Monday morning. (Y/N) snuggled herself in her bed, laptop warming her thighs as she closed out of the research tabs she had pulled up in an effort to better understand her physics material. All that was left open was a couple different tabs of Etsy shops and this pair of shoes she had been yearning over for months.
Now, (Y/N) hadn't even intended to key in the too familiar URLâshe wasn't even in that kind of mood if she was being honest. She had planned on napping, but if H just so happened to be streaming, she could fit that in before tucking under the covers she decided. Still, she found herself loaded onto the green webpage with no hesitation. She was quick to get signed in, cringing at the fact her details auto-filled as she tapped the blue button to be directed onto the start page littered with the rows of other users she had no interest in. She breezed past the tiles, feeling uncomfortable to be viewing them although she was obviously on this site for a reason. Clicking the search function in the top corner, (Y/N) typed in the familiar username that came up as a suggestion after the first few keystrokes.
His page filled her screen, the usual vague details listed under his username greeting her. She trailed her eyes over the screen, finding that he'd made a new status only minutes ago detailing that he would be going live five minutes from when the post was made. Flicking her eyes to the top of her screen, finding it had been almost four minutes since, (Y/N) didn't hesitate before clicking on the link.
The usual page loaded, his standby screen filling the space where his stream would pop up. The screen showed off his username and all the links to his various premium accounts before he turned his camera on. (Y/N) always felt a tiny bit guilty when she saw the encouragements to tip during his show or otherwise check out one of his paid services. She wasn't able to do eitherâshe was in college, what can she say?âbut she tried her best to make up for it by interacting as much as she was comfortable with in the chat, even when the thread was being flooded far too quickly.
She barely had a second to marinate in the self-appointed guilt before the screen flickered and blinked his standby screen away. The familiar view of H with his head cut from frame and the solid build of his body being the main focus took her attention. She felt like Pavlov's dog, at this point, just the first sight of him eliciting a conditioned reaction that let her know the pleasurable direction her night was taking.
"Hello," he quipped, throat bobbing around the word with a smile in his tone, "How are you tonight?"
He always started the show the same, asking about his viewers' days while knowing good and well what people were there to see. She thought it was sweet, whether it was a calculated move to make the stream feel more personal or an instinctual choice. Nonetheless, this was one of her favorite parts of his streams, she decided. She thought it was nice of him to ask something like that when he could just jump into the things that actually make him money.
(Y/N)'s eyes struggled to follow the amount of comments that came pouring in, many giving bland answers before urging him to pull his clothes off and calling him his preferred title of daddy. His hands on his thighs flexed, the veins and tendons in the appendages making themselves known as he assumedly read through some of the more intense comments that breezed over his pleasantries all together. She hesitated before typing out her own response, knowing it was rather dull in comparison to what was being shot at him.
sunflowerssweetheart: my day was good, but im even better now!! hbu??
She cringed as she pressed send. If anything, he wouldn't respond if it didn't catch his eye or it could get swept away if he replied to anyone else's comment first. But, (Y/N) hoped it might stand out that she was repeating his question to him, something she hadn't seen in the chat beforehand.
A breathy laugh sounded through the speakers, his chest expanding underneath the sheer, black fabric of his top that did nothing to conceal the tanned skin underneath. "M'day was good, too, sweetheart, thank you for asking. 'M happy you're here, too."
He went on to reply to a few other comments, the depth of his voice turning into a warm current that washed over her with every syllable, but (Y/N) felt a little too happy with herself that her comment had been the one he responded to first. She melted into her bedding the more he talked, hoping one of the daddy comments would catch his eye and set the tone for the rest of the stream.
There was a moment's pause as he lent back into his chair, leaving the full of his chest unobstructed. The leafy tattoos that adorned his hips were just barely peeking under his shirt, but (Y/N) couldn't keep her eyes off them.
"I wanted to take it slow tonight, is that alright? Been a long day, and daddy's stressed out. Can I take m'time with you, baby?"
(Y/N) could have sworn she felt her pupils dilate at his words, the honorific stuttering her heart before fluttering through her system to settle between her legs. He was a dreamâa dirty dream, sure, but still one she didn't want to wake from.
"That's alright? Want to see daddy take his time? Make a mess just for you?"
She watched on as his hands reached for the buttons on his shirt, a glimmering gold flicking off of his nails as he worked through the buttons. Before she could get a better view of whatever it was he had painted over his nails this stream, his shirt was buttoned wide open with his hands dragging over the expanse of his chest. A hummed moan vibrated from his throat, the sound wrapping around (Y/N) with a clench to her thighs.
God, she was happy Ny was out.
âââââ
"I still can't believe you dropped the class without telling me, as if I wasn't going to figure it out considering we live together and I was going to notice when you didn't come to class with me."
(Y/N)'s tone held amusement as she checked her student portal, double checking that she hadn't missed an assignment from Stanfillâher weekend was unusually empty of physics stress aside from the self-assigned read-through of her notes.
"I felt bad!" Ny whined, dropping her attention from the crew of housewives they were watching on T.V., "I had begged you for weeks to pick up physics then realized I didn't even need it because I read the requirements wrong, and I was embarrassed! You already know I'm sorry!"
"I know you are," (Y/N) smiled at her from a slumped position on their couch, "I already forgave you weeks ago, but now I'm doing this alone."
"You're not completely alone," Ny argued, dropping her small bagel pizza onto her paper plate, "I know you've made friends."
"Barely," she countered, disregarding her phone in favor of reaching for the throw blanket at her side, "It's hard making friends while trying to keep the entire subject straight in my head."
"What about that guy you said moved next to you after I dropped?"
"He never talks to me, you know that. It's like he's scared of me. I've probably heard him talk a handful of times, including when I had to ask him for a pen so it wasn't even voluntary."
Ny rolled her lips between her teeth, flicking her eyes across the room in thought. "You said he's really smart right?" she perked up further at (Y/N)'s affirming nod, "Just ask him about that stuff then and see if he'll help you. It'll get him to talk more, if anything."
(Y/N) heaved a sigh, her shoulders rising only to fall back into the downy blanket around her, "Ny, this would have been so much easier if you had just stuck with me. We'd be falling together at least."
"You're not going to fail, (Y/N)," she argued, a softened undercurrent to her words.
"Have you seen my grade?"
"We're not even two months in; there hasn't been any exams for you to bomb yet, how bad could it be?"
(Y/N) knew Naomi was trying to be encouraging in her own way, combating (Y/N)'s self-deprecating remarks but it wasn't super helpful to hear about a test she'd hadn't bombed yet. She looked to her friend with a raised brow, waiting for her to realize what exactly it was that she said.
"I'm sorry!" she blurted out, shoulders deflating, "Is there anything I can do to help? I can read over your notes and help you reformat them, if that helps?" She let out a small sigh, traces of her earlier amusement draining from her blue eyes, "I really am sorry, (Y/N), I was too embarrassed to tell you but I should have before you got stuck with this."
"I know," (Y/N) smiled, "And it's really okay, you know I'm just being dramatic. But I think I'm all caught up in my notes and everythingâI still don't understand it, but there's no more work to be done anyway. Stanfill didn't even assign any reading for this weekend, so I think I'm finally not going to be behind on Monday."
"You're lucky," Ny mumbled around her pizza bagel, "My profs only do that when they have something worse planned for the weekend."
"I know, I was surprised. But, I mean, I'll take it." (Y/N) shifted her attention to the television in front of her, dropping back into the 'reality' of the show.
The more she thought about it, maybe Ny was right. It might not be a bad idea to ask Harry for help, especially if it would mean she had someone to talk to in that class.
âââââ
(Y/N)'s weekend of grace came to an abrupt end as she walked into Prof. Stanfill's lecture hall. Despite the fact she'd already had a pair of classes earlier in the day, nothing made her feel quite like it was Monday until she was forced to wrap her mind around concepts she couldn't even spell. She was running a few minutes late as she trudged to her seat, not having had enough time to grab something sweet to drink but still donning a green cardigan to keep her warm and comfortable.
It wasn't until she dropped her bag by her seat that she noticed her seatmate wasn't there like usual. Despite the small amount she saw of him, Harry was a rather predictable personâat least his schedule was, anyway. He was always there before her, set up with his highlighters and pens in neat rows and his notebook flipped to the exact right page. This wasn't like him at all to be missing just seven minutes before Stanfill was meant to start class. She hoped he was okay.
Eventually, just as (Y/N) begrudgingly had opened up her never ending document of notes, her seatmate stumbled through the heavy doors with a flustered expression marring his features.
He ran a heavy hand through the swirl of curls on his head, (Y/N) able to hear the audible sigh he heaved as he climbed the stairs to their row. He wore a pair of rust colored corduroy flares with a large black jumper bundled over his torso, his shoulder bag falling down his arm to land in the crook of his elbow. He clumsily sat down in his spot beside her, a mess of handwritten notes and colored highlighters and pens spilling out from the unfastened flap of his bag. Despite the mess, he breathed a sigh of relief as he sat down, the tension in his muscles dropping as he noticed Stanfill hadn't started class.
As his mess of utensils spilled across the tabletop, (Y/N) was quick to save a few of the pens and markers before they could tumble over the ledge. She passed them to him, settling them in a neat row beside the pile he was curating of his mismatched papers.
"Thank you," he responded quietly, his hands shaky as he straightened his jumble of notes.
She had never seen him so out of sorts like this. This wasn't the same guy she had pictured reading off a well-prepared speech at graduation. She was sure he wasn't used to feeling like this either if the flush disappearing down his neck and the worry curling his brow had anything to say.
"You okay?" she asked, just as quietly as he had spoken. She hoped she read him right; she'd feel awful if he took her question the wrong way like she thought something was wrong with him. The downfall of never speaking with your seatmate, she figuredâshe had no idea how he worked.
"Y-Yeah," he stuttered, finally setting his things out the rightful order he liked them in, "Jus' had a late start this morning." The blush that warmed his neck traveled upwards and painted over his cheeks. He swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing, as he reached into his bag to pull out his glasses case, slipping the large frames onto his pink nose.
Just as (Y/N) was about to respond, Professor Stanfill started up his ancient projector and began babbling on with no introduction.
Beside her, Harry sifted through his notes with a purpose, opening to the preferred page before detailing more notes on the already filled page. Usually, she wouldn't be so surprised that all of the informationâbeing so monotonously presentedâwere things she didn't quite understand, but today was a whole other story.
Stanfill was going on about a completely new topic than the one they left on last Friday.
She quickly scrolled through her notes while paying as much attention as she could to what he was saying. She couldn't find any remnant of today's topic (oscillations, apparently) in any of her scattered notes. She could see from the corner of her eye that her classmate was only adding tidbits to his already completed notes, nodding his head along to certain points Professor Stanfill brought up.
She flicked her gaze nervously between her lecturer and Harry. She didn't want to interrupt the boy next to her, but she really needed to have at least some semblance of what was going on. She just hoped this was worth the embarrassment.
"Excuse me?" she whispered, leaning over the bench table closer to his space.
His head popped up from his notes, his glasses shifting down his nose as his eyes widened behind the lenses. "Yes?" he answered, his voice just as hush as his gaze never shifted from her's despite the pink dusting his skin.
"What is he talking about? Did I miss something?" She flicked her gaze towards the head of the room.
"Oh," he mumbled, a furrow in his brow appearing, "Did y'not come to the lab over the weekend?"
(Y/N)'s heart dropped at his words, her expression mirroring the fall.
"There was a lab?"
He looked almost guilty as he trapped his bottom lip between his teeth, slowly nodding his head. He looked ready to say more before the sound of Professor Stanfill's voice projecting to the back of the auditorium stopped him.
"Do we have any questions in the back?" he boomed. For the first time his voice wasn't completely monotone.
Harry perked up in his seat, a stray curl landing across his forehead as his posture straightened. "No, sir," he answered quickly, shaking his head and pushing his glasses up his nose.
Stanfill shot them a warning look, flicking his searing gaze between the two of them before continuing on with the lesson (Y/N) was still lost on. Harry resumed his note taking, shooting her an apologetic glance before focusing on the page in front of him.
âââââ
(Y/N) was lost the remainder of the class, Professor Stanfill occasionally throwing her end of the room glances as he continued lecturing. Beside her, her seatmate continued taking his detailed notes, eventually turning to a new sheet of paper titled with another topic she had no idea they had moved on to. By the time they were dismissed, he had added another three pages to his pile and (Y/N) had typed about three words.
She knew she was going to be fucked anyway, since lab was a fairly large part of their final grade. All she wanted to do was go home, and pretend this hadn't happened. She didn't waste a second before she was rushing to pack up her supplies after getting dismissed by Stanfill.
Just as she slung her bag over her shoulder and started down the steps, a hand gently grabbed her bicep.
"W-wait," the shaky voice she had come to be familiar with sounded behind her. (Y/N) turned to find Harry stumbling after her with his glasses perched on the top of his head and his curls messily falling in his face. He clutched a bundle of looseleaf papers in his other hand as they came to a stop at the base of the steps. "IâuhâI wanted to give y'these, if y'wanted them," he reached his hand out to her with the somewhat crumpled page, "They're m'notes from the lab and today, so y'can catch up if y'wanted."
He worried his bottom lip between his teeth, the already raspberry colored skin now flushing to a deep red and swelling against the force. His hands held a slight tremor as he offered her the papers.
(Y/N) felt her eyes round out at his actions. "Are you sure?" she questioned, not wanting to take them unless she knew he was okay with lending the notes she knew he took great pride in.
He jerkily nodded his head, a small smile on his face despite the fact he was still biting down on the full of his bottom lip. "I know y'need them, so please." He urged the papers towards her again, scuffing the toes of his white Vans into the floor.
She gratefully took the volunteered pages from his loose grip, her brows downturning as she gazed at him. "Thank you so much. You really don't have to do this, but it really means a lot."
"You're welcome," he smiled, dimples denting his cheeks as she took his gift. (Y/N) reciprocated his smile and scanned over the organized notes in her hands, finding his name scribbled in the top corner.
"Your name's Harry?" she confirmed, edging towards the door as he followed beside her. Now she didn't have to worry about calling him the wrong name. He nodded his head in response, her question making his cheeks turn a quick pink despite himself. "I'm (Y/N)."
Harry nodded his head beside her, a shy smile on his lips. "Nice t'meet you, (Y/N). Officially."
(Y/N) smiled at his polite introduction, looking over the notes in her hand. They had stopped just outside Stanfill's hall, the large windows showing the quad with the autumnal sun lighting up their forms.
"Thank you again, Harry," she started, sliding the papers into her bag after glancing at the time on her phone: 4:13. She hadn't planned on tuning in tonight, but if (Y/N) didn't want to miss the one sure-fire way she would get any form of stress relief after the class she just endured, she needed to get home soon. "I'll get these back to you on Friday, okay? I have to go, but I'll see you then!"
She tossed him a wave before turning around, walking towards the parking lot. Harry gave her his own dimpled grin.
"Bye, (Y/N)!"
(Y/N) smiled over her shoulder one more time before hurrying to her car.
âââââ
(Y/N) sighed as she settled into the down of her comforter, the smooth satin of the pajama set she had changed into sliding against her skin (she wanted to feel pretty before she watched the stream, she thought she deserved it). She pulled her laptop onto her thighs, sticking her headphones in her ears before opening up a private tab.
She barely even paid attention as she routed herself to the familiar green layout, signing in and pulling up the page scrawled with treatpeoplewkisses across the top. She hoped that she had gotten his scheduling right; she hoped that Monday was a stream night. When she saw that he hadn't started anything, instead posting the usual announcement detailing that he would be going live in ten minutes in the custom pink font, she felt lucky as she sunk into her comforter.
Just as the time ticked to five o'clock, another status came through, detailed with a link to the stream he was starting now. The only hesitation that came as (Y/N) followed the link came from her stress-wearied muscles, but she had high hopes for that feeling to be melted away by the end of the night.
The chat was already racing through with comments by the time the page loaded. The typical standby screen was situated where H would appear any second with the empty tip meter off to the side. (Y/N) melted into her bedding as she waited, grateful for the fact Ny was still in one of her classes.
Suddenly, his deep voice sounded through her headphones although the standby screen never changed. "Hello," he chirped the familiar greeting despite no view of him. The comments started flooding in, asking him where he was and why they couldn't see him. "How arâWait, did I forget to turn m'camera on again?"
A breathy laugh sounded through her ears causing (Y/N) to match the smile she figured was on his face. Although she hadn't been a viewer for very long at all, she had already picked up on his habit of forgetting to turn his camera on every couple of shows. After a bit of rustling coming from his end, the standby screen was replaced with the familiar view of his body from the neck down.
He wore a thin, white t-shirt tonight, his tattoos etched on his arms on display with the few covering his torso only thinly veiled by the fabric.
He waved his hand at the screen, his breathy laugh filling the air. "Hello, again. Sorry about that, 'm a little flustered today. Ran a little late this morning filming a new video, which should be up this weekend on m'premium, and I've been all out of sorts since. I apologize for being late, as well."
He settled his hands on his thighs, quiet for a moment as he assumedly began to read through the comments flooding in. Many were asking what the video from this morning featured, while others were telling him it was okay he was late and that they didn't mind. Majority completely bypassed the conversation, impatient for the real show to begin with pleads sandwiched around his honorific in hopes of spurring him on.
"Thank y'for understanding." His voice was soft as he spoke, (Y/N) could imagine him with a kind smile on his face and his eyes tender. She knew and understood why he never showed his face and respected that choice, but she often found herself wondering what he looked like behind the camera. She'd bet he's beautiful.
"Anyway," he started, painted fingers plucking at the hem of his plain top as he sat back in his chair, "How are y'today? You've already heard about m'day, I'd like to hear about your's."
A stream of comments filtered through the chat, most ignoring the question or breezing through it before sending requests for the show. (Y/N) rested her fingers on the keyboard, trying to think of an answer to his question before he would move on.
sunflowerssweetheart: mine was good thank u!! i finally asked for help in one of my classes today so hopefully i can figure out what's going on !
Like he somehow always did, he found her comment.
"That's good, sweetheart, 'm proud of you," he praised, the smile in his tone audible. She didn't know if it was particular to only her, but (Y/N) couldn't help but feel like he reserved sweetheart just for her, always replying to her comments with the pet name. She hoped it was, especially since the name was in her user. (And, she would feel a little silly getting bashful over nothing, so she clung to the hope that she wasn't just making it up).
(Y/N) felt her own smile tug at her cheeks, feeling shy at his compliment although he couldn't see her. She quickly typed out another comment before he could get distracted by the tips coming in, urging him to start.
sunflowerssweetheart: thank you h!!:)
She knew she was most likely not going to get another response from him, seeing as her comment was very quickly buried under the new tips coming in, captioned with requests to start the show and asking for daddy to "show his cock".
"I see you're in a daddy mood tonight, again," he mused, slowly tugging his shirt off and revealing the collection of tattoos adorning his torso. He settled back into his seat, his chest now bare, "Good thing I am, too."
His skin looked soft as he relaxed, highlighted by the soft lighting that surrounded his set up. (Y/N)'s heartbeat picked up as she gazed at him through the screen. She wished she could meet someone like him in real life.
She watched on as he rubbed his palm along his thighs, the look of his long fingers scratching down the fabric of his pants catching her attention. She absently trapped her bottom lip between her teeth, imagining what it would feel like to have his hands warming her skin like that, sneaking under the hem of her satin shorts in search of the tie-dye thong she had concealed under the delicate fabric. She sighed as she watched one of his hands travel between his thighs, the full of his cock filling out the fabric of his trousers.
His hand cradled the outline of his hardened prick, giving the bulge a squeeze as a hiss sounded through her headphones. His stomach muscles clenched as his breathing stuttered. (Y/N) imagined his head rolling back on the headrest of the chair he sat in, blissed out at the feel of new relief.
"Daddy's been s'hard all day for you, s'hard," he groaned, his fist wrapping around his shaft as best he could as he emulated jerking himself off in teasing twists. "Took everything not to go off in the middle of m'day and make myself cum thinking of you."
She knew he was feeding them lines like from a script, designed to make each of his viewers believe he was talking only to them, but she couldn't help but fall for it. She liked to fantasize that he had thought of her the way she had thought of him. She didn't have even half the mind to be embarrassed as she slid her hand under the waist of her shorts, brushing against the softened fabric of her underwear. She felt flush as she found the wet patch that had soaked through her thong, the wetness seeping between her lips already.
He breathed a laugh that filtered through her headphones. "Already want me to pull m'cock out? We've barely even started, baby."
Her eyes fluttered as she took in his teasing. She knew he was most likely responding to the comments she had stopped bothering to read, but it felt like he was talking to her and teasing her for wanting to see and feel all of him. Her fingers pressed gently against her clit, the wet fabric of her panties sticking to her slit. She felt breathless.
She couldn't help herself before she typed another quick comment, hoping it would somehow sway him the way she needed.
sunflowerssweetheart: please daddy:(
She watched as he gave his cock a final squeeze before settling his hands on the armrests of the chair he was sat in. He clenched his fingers around the cushioned ledge, slowly standing from his position. His stomach with the bottom of his butterfly tattoo and the full of the laurels bracketing his hips were left in frame, but the crotch of his pants were the focus of the shot. His hands slowly worked the button of his trousers, the pace teasing.
"Well, since y'asked so nicely, sweetheart," he crooned, (Y/N) melting as he said the nameâher name, again. She liked to think he was doing this for her.
With that, his tip meter went up like crazy; the chat was filled with the declarations of high amounts of money being donated to him sandwiched between viewers voicing their praise. He didn't seem to pay the rise any attention, keeping his focus on the show he was giving. His pants were left undone as he pushed them down to his knees with the grey of his tight boxers being left on display. The outline of his cock laid against his thigh with a small wet patch forming where his slit dripped precum. His hand slid down the muscles of his stomach, slipping under the fabric and wrapping his fist around his shaft. He let out a deep moan, his stomach tensing at the feel of his hand and the relief flooding his system.
"This what y'wanted, baby?" he teased, playing a game with his wanton viewers. He shifted his stance, standing with his side to the camera with his hand jerking off his cock in front of him. (Y/N) could see the outline of his fingers through the fabric, his rough tugging allowing small glimpses lower into his boxers. She could just imagine the smirk on his face as he knew what he was doing, going on with the teasing while he got what he wanted.
(Y/N) own fingers pressed headily against her clit, rubbing tight circles around the bundle at the sight on her screen. She'd never gotten this wet before she found his streams that drunken lonely night, no matter if she didn't get to see his face. She dipped her fingers behind her underwear, the slick of her slit wetting her fingertips. A small whimper left her lips at the contact, picturing H's long fingers slipping through her folds.
She wanted to see more of him; see more of his body she imagined was touching her's.
sunflowerssweetheart: more p lease daddy:( im so wet:(
Her comment was messy given the fact she was typing one handed, but she hoped it would be more enticing than embarrassing. She watched on as his motions slowed in his boxers, his hand sliding out from underneath the fabric. He hooked his index fingers into the waistband, tugging his boxers down just the smallest bit to reveal the beginnings of a dark thatch of hair at the base of his cock.
"You're 'so wet', sweetheart? All for daddy, right?" he continued, his mocking words feeling directed to only her despite the comments and tips rolling in to say otherwise.
sunflowerssweetheart: all for you daddy
Without another word, he tugged his boxers down the rest of the way. His cock sprung up against his bare stomach, his large butterfly tattoo now dotted with a string of his precum. The head was ruddy and flushed, the shine of his precum coating his shaft and playing off the lighting in his room. Still standing, he wrapped his fist around his cock and started fucking down his shaft in the same rough tugs he had kept hidden from them in his boxers.
"See how hard I am for you, baby?" he moaned, his free hand coming to cradle his balls in his large palm. (Y/N) swore her mouth watered at the sight, wishing it were her hands tugging at his prick, and her mouth wrapped around the head. She wanted to make him feel good.
"Mm, yeah?" he moaned, his fist speeding up, "Like seeing daddy fuck himself for y'like this? Bet y'wish it was your hand, right, baby?"
(Y/N) let out a loud moan at his dirty talk, feeling unencumbered by the empty apartment she was holed up in. It was like he knew exactly what she was thinking. Her own fingers stuttered over her clit, the wetness seeping between her thighs making a slick noise with each pass. She watched on as he sat back down, his cock standing straight up in his lap.
He worked his pants and boxers further down to his ankles, allowing him to spread his legs further apart. She could see clearly between his thighs, the way his hand gently cradled his balls and the rough tugs along his shaft. He let out coarse moans as he stopped and squeezed at the head of his cock, his chest stuttering in correlation with his breathing.
"Feels so fucking good, you know that? Thinking about your pretty mouth wrapped around daddy's cock." His voice was low and deep as he prattled on about his fantasy, his accent wrapping around his title and causing the fire to burn brighter in (Y/N)'s tummy.
"Bet you'd like that wouldn't you, sweetheart? Daddy's big cock fucking your mouth, making y'gag and get all messy for me." The hand he had cradling his balls shifted from it's spot between his legs, stopping on the straining muscles of his stomach. His hand on his prick sped up, his moans deepening with incoherent mumblings about how good he felt. (Y/N) felt her heartbeat increase in her chest as she watched the hand on his stomach dig his nails into the butterfly etched across his skin at the pleasure coursing through his system. His thighs tensed at the feeling, small red marks appearing on his skin as he drug his nails across the expanse.
"Feels s'fucking good, shit."
(Y/N) wished it could be her to cause those moans to leave his lips, the image of her sat between his thighs spurring on her own arousal.
She watched with her hand in her panties as he brought himself closer and closer to release, moans spilling from his lips and filtering through her headphones. He varied the pace of his strokes, speeding up and bringing himself close to finishing with groans of how good he felt and how he was s'close to cumming for his baby, only to stop and slow down. He would pause with his hand settling on his base, squeezing roughly to stave off his orgasm and prolong the show. Tips were flooding in the whole time, viewers urging him to cum, telling them how they wished they could be there with him, requesting different things from him. H replied to a few, bringing in more tips and comments from his audience.
(Y/N) couldn't stop herself before she brought her unoccupied hand to her keyboard, wanting to gain some kind of attention from him to bring herself that much closer to her own release.
sunflowerssweetheart: ur cock is s pretty daddy I cant wait to see u cum please
A groan bubbled from her onscreen performer, his tugs along his shaft speeding up. "Y'think daddy's cock is pretty, sweetheart?"
He sounded breathless as he replied to her, his name for her accompanied with a small shudder as he swiped his thumb over the precum soaked crown of his prick. (Y/N)'s own weeping hole gushed more wetness, soaking the already ruined panties and now the inseam of her satin shorts. She snuck a teasing finger towards her entrance, the base of her fingers still rubbing at her clit.
sunflowerssweetheart: so pretty daddy
sunflowerssweetheart: i wanna see u cum so bad
Another loud moan filtered through her ears after she pressed enter, Hâhopefullyâhaving read her comment. He spread his legs further apart, his hand reaching towards his heavy balls again as his thighs clenched at the contact.
"Y'want daddy to cum, sweetheart? Are y'close, too? Don't wanna cum without you." His voice was graveled as he moaned out his words, (Y/N)'s eyes closely following the rhythm of his tugs. She mimicked the pace with her own fingers, slipping a single digit into her hole and rubbing the heel of her palm into her clit.
She wanted him to cum so badly, to see the sticky ropes of his orgasm be released all over his tummy and his hands she wished were her's instead. Despite the other comments rolling in, declaring how close the other viewers were, (Y/N) didn't hesitate to type her own response back, even if he didn't catch it.
sunflowerssweetheart: im so close daddy i wanna cum with you
"Okay," he crooned, his voice breathless while still being able to pull off the sultry tone he had mastered, "Daddy'll cum with y'sweetheart. Gonna cum so hard for you."
She was too distracted with her own pleasure to write anything coherent back, her finger soaked inside her pulsing pussy. Her walls tightened around her digit, fantasizing what H would say if it were his fingers stretching out her pussy instead. She settled for watching the way his chest took on a pinkened flush as he grew closer and closer to the release he promised. Small, strangled groans spilled from his lips, only interrupted by the moans of curses detailing how good he felt. His hand made squelching sounds as he pumped his cock, the slick of his precum making it that much easier for his fist to pass over the length in slick runs. His thighs tensed and split wider apart as he melted in his seat. From the top of the frame, where his neck was displayed with thick veins and tendons protruding from under the dewy skin, the smallest of deep brown tendrils of hair were peeking out and curling at his jawline.
"Gonna be a lot, sweetheart, can already feel it. Gonna be s'much cum for you," he groaned, his fingers now focusing on the head of his cock as his other hand gently tugged on his balls and brought himself closer. A whimper left (Y/N)'s throat, fighting to keep her eyes open as she didn't want to miss a minute of his show.
"Y'wanâfuck," he was cut off by his own moaning, the swear falling from his lips like he had no knowledge of it beforehand, "Y'wanna see it, sweetheart? See all the cum daddy saved for you all day?"
(Y/N) nodded despite the fact he couldn't see her. His tip meter surged higher in a matter of seconds at the mention of him cumming, peaking over his usual average. More and more comments rolled in, pleading for H to cum and show everyone what he had apparently saved for them. (Y/N) didn't mind being a part of the slew of comments, her mind somewhere else and too occupied to think clearly.
sunflowerssweetheart: yes pleas e daddy
"'Please, daddy?'," he mimicked, voice pitched and whiny as his cock jumped with a small blurt of precum pearling on his tip, "So polite, s-sweetheart, can't say no to you."
Only a moment later, with his fist roughly tugging at the shaft of his prick, white ropes of cum painted his chest. They shot high enough for droplets to stand out starkly against the inked, black birds sitting on his chest, others dripping down his cock and coating his hands in the release. He wasn't lying when he had said it would be a lot. (Y/N) watched with hooded eyes as sprays of cum coated the butterfly on his stomach and the strong hands that had captured her attention the whole show. His deep moans flooded her ears, strings of curse words and uninhibited groans coming from deep in his chest. His skin was dusted a rosy pink as he breathed in stuttered, broken breaths.
Watching him cum was enough to bring (Y/N) over the edge, imagining herself there with him where she could have cleaned up for him. She came, thinking of how it would feel to trace her tongue along his chest and lick up the salty release from the muscles before cleaning his fingers and hands.
"Daddy, daddy, daddy," she called as she came, her fingers on her pussy rubbing heart stopping motions on her clit and small thrusts of her finger inside. She became impossibly wet, her release spilling past her finger and drenching the delicate fabric of her shorts. She felt the aftershocks go through her as she pictured how nice it would feel to have the weight of his big cock resting on her tongue and the taste of his cum in the back of her throat. She couldn't ever cum like this before finding H.
She hadn't realized she had fluttered her eyes closed until she heard his deep voice still breathing small moans filter through her ears, causing her to jerk her head up and blink away her cum-laden thoughts in favor of catching the end of his show. She kept her hand in her panties as she came down, delicately slipping her fingers through the mess she had made.
H was still sitting in his chair, his strong chest heaving and blushed a subtle red. His hand kept steadily jerking his cock, his member jumping as small spurts of leftover cum blurted from the tip. He came down slowly, taking longer than usual, though (Y/N) wasn't surprised if the amount of cum he had obviously been saving was anything to go by. She looked through the comments rolling in, finding the tip meter had gone higher than she had ever seen it before.
Many were asking for him to cum again, to keep the show going. (Y/N) couldn't deny that a greedy part of her wanted the same, but she could tell by the labored breathing and the way it looked like it hurt him to even tuck his cock back into his boxers, that he was much too sensitive to cum again.
A breathless laugh sounded from his end, his posture straightening as he reached for something off screen. He came back with a baby blue towel in his hand, gently wiping the cum off his chest and his hands. (Y/N) couldn't help but pout a bit at the idea of him wasting it.
"Can't cum again tonight, baby, but I'll be back soon," he said, his voice going back to the way he had started the stream. He sounded huskier, like he was tired with his tongue lazing around the words, but she liked it. She liked when he sounded just as exhausted as she felt; it made it easy to pretend this was some form of aftercare where he would cuddle her until they both fell asleep.
(Y/N) slipped her fingers out of her panties, already itching to get out of the now cold garments. She watched on as H straightened himself out, preparing for the end of his stream. His voice always took on a romantic croon at this point, the show becoming something so personal that made it easy to come back no matter how sleazy she felt afterwards.
"I adore y'so much, love. Thank y'for spending your night with me. I'll be back soon, wait for me."
Then, the screen cut to black.
The chat ceased with all other comments emptying and his tip meter going blank. With shaky hands, (Y/N) quickly logged out of the page and exited out of the site, leaving her on her previous Etsy shop pages. She carefully pulled out her headphones, stowing them away before standing on shaky legs.
Her thoughts filtered around her camboy (it felt like such a filthy phrase for someone like him, but she knew it was the reality) as she tugged her soiled shorts off along with her ruined thong. She listened closely, hoping her roommate hadn't come home early to see her walk of shame to their washing machine. Once she was in a new set of more comfortable pajamas, she dumped her clothing in the almost full machine, adjusting the settings before allowing it to run.
She washed her hands in the kitchen before trailing back towards her room. She passed her bag she clumsily dropped in the hall when she had got home, a bundle of notes sticking out from the open flap. As she picked up her bag, careful to not let the pages spill any further, she examined the notes.
As soon as she caught sight of the precise highlights and neat writing, she remembered the way Harryânot Edwardâhad so graciously loaned her his notes, her kind seatmate. She smiled, her first clear thought since finishing her stream with treatpeoplewkisses. She tucked the papers back into her bag, taking it with her into her room.
She couldn't help but feel sleepy as she left her bag by her desk on the floor, knowing she would have time to take a nap if she wanted to. Ny shouldn't be home for another hour or so, so she had time to snuggle into her mass of pillows and pretend the boy she had just watched on her laptop screen would cuddle her to a sweet sleep.
God, she was so happy she found H.
âââââ
(Y/N), with borrowed notes in hand, immediately pinned her eyes on her unassigned-assigned seat in the lecture hall, finding Harry already sat just where she hoped he'd be. He had his own gaze fixed on the perfect setup he had in front of him, the polar opposite from the mess he had worked through earlier in the week. A smile spread across her cheeks at the sight of him, still extremely grateful for the act of kindness he offered on Monday.
"Hi Harry," she greeted as she approached her seat, dropping her bag on the linoleum beside it.
He whipped his head up at the sound of her voice, eyes wide and cheeks pink, "Oh, hi, (Y/N)." A shy smile bloomed over his lips as his eyes met hers.
Settling into her spot, she offered his notes back, "Here's your notes, by the way."
Harry carefully took them from her grasp, rolling his lips between his teeth despite the clear dimples denting into his cheeks. "Thank you," he sighed, "Were they any help?"
She was hoping he would ask something of the sort. (Y/N) was extremely proud of the notes she was able to pin together with the help of his template, and she wanted to show him. "Yes, they were really helpful, Harry! Look at my notes," she said, cracking open her laptop and tapping open her physics folder. She angled the screen to show off the typed up version of his notes, the pages making more sense than the weeks of documents she already had saved, "They've never made sense like this before."
Ending with a breathy laugh, she waited for Harry's reaction. She watched on as a bright smile curled his lips, too large of a grin to be contained by the grip of his teeth. "Really?" he looked to her over the frames of his glasses, his blush reaching the tips of his ears.
"Mhm," she hummed the affirmation, sliding her laptop to sit in front of her regular spot, "You didn't have to give me your notes, so it really does mean a lot that you were willing to help me. Thank you, Harry."
"'M jus' happy I could help," he smiled, voice quiet and soft, "Thank you."
Her brow furrows at his unnecessary gratitude for her words, especially since she hadn't done anything but thank him for something kind he did. Still, she could tell there was a bashfulness that tinted his words and his voice, something that was making him nervous just like he was when he offered the notes in the first place. She didn't want to make it worse or even discourage him from talking to her again by bringing up his misplaced appreciation.
"You really like physics, huh? Like this is your class?"
(Y/N) settled into her seat, turning her body to give Harry the full of her attention. He shrugged his shoulders under the white satin shirt he had hanging open over the black top underneath. "Yeah, kinda," he mumbled, "I don't knowâI know it's kind of weird, but it's really interesting to me, to be able to quantify things we can't see."
"It's not weird at all," (Y/N) said, shaking her head, "When you say it like that, it sounds really cool. I just wish I understood it; your notes helped me get this, but the rest of this classâI doubt I'll be so lucky."
Harry mimicked the short laugh she let out, his eyes dropping to her lips before he rolled his own between his teeth. "Yeah, it can definitely be complicated sometimes; you're not alone."
Stanfill made his appearance then, abruptly halting the first real conversation she'd had with anyone in her physics class and with Harry, of all people. Just as (Y/N) had said, she doubted she was going to be so lucky with the rest of the course, already knowing her next set of notes were going to be nothing compared to the aided ones she was so proud of. Nonetheless, as Professor Stanfill started off on his lacking presentation, she tried her best to keep up.
Halfway through the lecture, (Y/N) noticed the slight angle Harry's paper had taken. The page was tilted just enough to give her a view of the pieces of information he was writing down with the headings and section starters clear for her to read. She didn't know if it was on purpose, but she wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to get another good set of notes that were going to make a lot more sense than whatever was being projected up front. Every time Harry stopped writing and leaned back just enough for her to get a look at what he was copying down, she did her own information search and put down the same headings and shorthand versions of what was scrawled over his page.
It wasn't until he hesitated to turn to a fresh page for him to fill, that she realized Harry was doing this on purpose. He instead tore out a stark new page, continuing where he left off while keeping what (Y/N) was still copying down in her view instead of tucking it away. A smile took her features as she figured out that none of his actions were an accident that she was taking advantage ofâhe wanted to keep helping her.
When Stanfill finally dismissed class, assigning reading for the weekend that (Y/N) couldn't help but be relieved about (at least she knew she wasn't missing a lab if this was their homework), it was a blessing. She didn't pack up with the same speed as she was used to, lagging behind in her movements in an effort to speak to Harry some more.
"Thank you for letting me see your notes," she smiled, tossing him a glance through her lashes as she tucked away her laptop.
As another blush crept over his features, (Y/N) worried he was going to permanently shift tones with the amount of times the blood was brought to the surface of his cheeks. "Oh, yeah. Of course."
"I just get kind of lost when he references stuff we're apparently already supposed to know or things we went over before. It's hard enough to learn something I have no idea about, and then when he compares it to something else I know nothing about, it doesn't help much," (Y/N) smiled, letting out a breathy laugh, "So thank you for letting me get a few more good notes in."
(Y/N) slung her bag over her shoulder, grabbing for her phone she had stashed in her pocket and her keys. Harry was quiet with a small smile on his features, continuing to pack up the array of utensils he had for his notes.
"Well," she started, slowly edging towards the column of stairs beside their seats, "I'll see you on Monday, Harry. Have a nice weekend!"
He stopped at the sound of her goodbye, stiffening as he rushed to close the flap on his bag. He looked to her through his lashes, swallowing before straightening and slinging his bag over his shoulder. "(Y/N), wait," he called, causing her to stop halfway down the case.
"Hm?" she hummed, turning towards him to find him having a hard time meeting her eyes and enough blush coloring his face she worried about his blood flow. He lagged around a response, the few stragglers from their class having shifted their attention towards the small scene he created. (Y/N) beckoned him towards her, calling for him to join her out into the hall.
Harry almost stumbled at least twice as he caught up with her, following like a puppy as they made it out the heavy doors that guarded the lecture hall.
"Everything okay?" she asked, wondering about his earlier effort to keep her from leaving him behind.
"YeahâI, uh," he floundered, eyeing the ground with each step of his busted Vans, "I was wondering if y'wanted help with physics? Like, tutoring and things like that?" He swallowed around his words, finding the courage to look at her over the frames of his glasses, "You said that m'notes helped, and, if y'wanted, we could go over some of the older units and I can explain some things better. But, we don't have to if y'don't want. 'M sure you're busy and we can do like we did over the weekend and I can send y'home with some of m'notes if y'liked that better but... yeah."
He ended lamely with his gaze landing in its previous position pinned towards the ground. They had stopped walking to stand in the same corridor that he had offered his first set of notes in, though he seemed to be decidedly more nervous this second time around.
(Y/N) smiled at him from where he stood wringing the strap to his bag in his fist and scuffing his toes into the ground. She decided Harry was entirely too sweet to be so nervous over offering her some help she clearly needed; it was obvious he was really shy, but she found it cute.
"I would actually really appreciate that, Harry," she said, waiting for him to look at her so he could hopefully replace the nervous set in his jaw with a shy smile she was becoming familiar with, "I would love any tutoring you're willing to offer. I definitely need it, that's for sure."
His fumbling fingers froze in the nylon of the bag strap, perking up with the smile she was hoping she would catch, "Really?" A lone curl flopped over his forehead, a boyish look taking over his giddy features.
"You've seen my sorry excuse for notes without youâyou're going to change this entire course for me if you're offering actual explanations now too."
"'M jus' happy to help," Harry offered simply, something prideful settling in the broad of his shoulders.
(Y/N) fished her phone from her pocket, tapping in her passcode and pulling up her contacts before handing it out for Harry to take. "Here," she urged, "Put your number in and we can figure out times and schedules and everything."
If it was at all possible, Harry flushed a deeper pink. His skin stood out starkly against the creamy white of the button down hanging off of his shoulders, his hands exhibiting a barely there tremor as he reached for her phone. He nodded his head, the curl that brushed his forehead swaying at the movement.
Harry was quick to fill in his information, leaving his contact rather bare before handing it back to (Y/N) with a small There.
Saving the contact, (Y/N) stuck the device back in her pocket. She started edging towards the parking lot where her car was waiting, tossing Harry a smile over her shoulder. "I'll text you later, okay?"
A bright smile took Harry's features, dimples dented into his cheeks with the full of his smile on display. "I look forward to it!"
(Y/N) stifled the small laugh that bubbled in her chest at his endearing enthusiasm. "I'll see you later, Harry!"
Her gaze lingered on him for a moment as he offered her a small wave before she turned towards the parking lot. Though, she never lost her smile since she swore she felt a pair of eyes following after her.
âââââ
gravity is a force of attraction, keeping all matters in line.
ahhh!!!! he's finally here!!!! its been well over a year since I first posted my camboy blurb and I've finally got his story ready for everyone to see!! patreon is getting early access to this piece, so if youre ready for more there is more up on my page!!! otherwise, I cannot wait to see what you guys think as I post a new part every Friday on here!!! thank u sm for reading and being so patient w me! sorry if theres any mistakes and if you have any ideas of whats coming next or any thoughts please send them in!!
WHAT IT'S ABOUT: You've been struggling to finish your assignment for Professor Styles' Creative Writing class. Inspiration is seem to be avoiding you, so to relieve some stress, you mess around with your roommates and write a rather dirty fiction of the hot professor everyone is into on campus. Due to a fatal mistake however, you end up uploading the wrong file as your attachment to your assignment and your wildest fantasies end up in the hands of the person they are about.
A/N: This story is fully FICTION! There might be things you don't agree with morally, characters are made up, they don't resemble the people they are in real life, so please keep this in mind while reading!
READ IT ON WATTPAD
â«ïž PART ONE
â«ïž PART TWO
â«ïž PART THREE
â«ïž PART FOUR
â«ïž PART FIVE
â«ïž PART SIX
â«ïž PART SEVEN
â«ïž PART EIGHT
â«ïž PART NINE
â«ïž PART TEN
â«ïž PART ELEVEN
â«ïž PART TWELVE
â«ïž PART THIRTEEN
â«ïž PART FOURTEEN (coming soon)
â«ïž PART FIFTEEN (coming soon)
â«ïž PART SIXTEEN (coming soon)
This story is a work in progress! More parts will be added soon!
Hello lovers! Can I even call you lovers now that Niall has picked up on that habit?Â
I donât know, anyways hi, hello, itâs me! Iâm alive and am in quite the tough position. It seems that Iâve got a bad case of writerâs block, I have a few story ideas, I just donât know how to express the storyline. I donât know how to line up my words perfectly in a way that makes sense and that entertains the readers.Â
I want to make these stories, one shots whatever, as perfect as they can be because Iâm not feeling as confident with my other writings as I should be.Â
But even with these very few story ideas, Iâm lost. Whatâs the characters background? How will they be like? Whatâs something I can do to make the series (or one shot) entertaining enough for people to read?Â
Iâve got a lot of people who have read My Girl, which happens to be one of the ones that Iâm not too happy with, but I want to make more longer stories. I just need the inspiration. I need new ideas. And though people might not actually be reading this through and through, thatâs where you come in.Â
If you have any tips and tricks, any fic ideas, anything youâre willing to give me really is greatly appreciated. I have a request link in my bio for anyone who has requests for what/who they would like to see on my account. Though I do want to point out that I only write for specific fandoms that Iâm again, not entirely sure about yet. My DMâs are also always open if you donât want to go through the requests.Â
If you donât have anything that is also completely fine, you can also just message me if you want to talk or whatever, I donât really have a life. Now there's no way for me to know if youâre actually reading this, but if you are I just want to say thank you for taking the time out of your day. Also want to apologise for not being active as much as I thought I would be when creating this account. Iâve started some things but have trashed them because I was never confident with them. Iâm trying.Â
Anyways, thank you again and I hope you have an amazing day - or night wherever you may be in this world. Stay safe and enjoy this GIF of Mr. Harry Styles cause Iâm in love with it <3Â
Summary: Everything is always about Harry all the time, and Y/N feels insignificant to the rest of the world, but especially to him. Angst
Word Count: 5k
Warnings: Swearing, fighting, toxicity.
A/N: geez louise i havent written in so long. hope u like lmk what u think
Everything was about him all the time. That was to be expected, wasnât it? He was Harry Styles for fucks sake. The A-list, grammy-nominated singer, actor, the fashion icon and legend himself.
If it wasnât his emerald green eyes, or his dimpled smile, it was his voice that would have you under his spell within seconds.
Y/N had been a victim to his charm, just like everyone, at a pub near both of their houses two years ago. From the very first second sheâd laid eyes on him, it was as if her soul had said âThere you are.â Her heart pulling her to him before she could even understand why. Something that went beyond physical attraction. But of course, his curls, tousled and hanging on his forehead played a factor. Just as much as the ink painted across his golden skin, and flexed bicep, the vintage T-shirt heâd thrown on proving to be a good choice.
It was embarrassing, really, to get warm in the face, like a schoolgirl for someone youâd only set eyes on for a few seconds. But still, she was itching to talk to him, to be near him, to fulfill whatever it was that her heart was screaming at her to do.
Her instagram account has long since been forgotten about and abandoned as well as his dream to become a professor. It wasnât for him, college life. He has now pursued full time with his music career and got quite the hit when his newest single, âMiss Youâ, got to the top of the charts in Britain.
Meetings with managers, interviews with some of the top notch people, and not to mention all of the comments he gets about his music. Never in a million years had Zayn ever thought he would end up living his life the way he is, and if it hadnât been for the amazing people in his life, he probably wouldnât be there today.
You on the other hand were still going to university for your nursing degree. After graduating you decided to go big and make your move across country for a fresh slate. You wanted to build yourself as something more than the small town girl, you wanted to be something. New York had just been the greatest decision you couldâve had.
After being accepted at NYU for your bachelorâs degree, you couldnât have felt any more achieved than that moment. Your parents threw you a congratulations/goodbye party the day before you were set to get on the plane for your long awaited journey. All of your friends had been there and it really was the experience of a lifetime. The only person who lucked out was Zayn, and you had a feeling he wouldnât show up after having not spoken to each other after the breakup, but a part of you really wished he were.
Your life had been going great, amazing friends, amazing job, and an amazing boyfriend. His name was Alex Coven. He was in your Anatomy and Physiology class last year and did whatever it took to swoop you off your feet. It had been going so well that by the time your junior year came, you had moved out of the overly expensive dorm rooms and into an apartment of your own with Alex. Everything was right on track.
Until one morning when you got in your car and heard his voice on the radio. The same voice that would sing you to sleep for the four years of your relationship. The same voice that had ultimately broken your heart three years prior. That day was spent in your room with tissues, ice cream, and any other girl's favorite heartbreak movie, The Notebook. Iâm telling you, thereâs something special about Ryan Gosling when it comes to heartaches.
After your sulking session you began to wonder how the hell he was on the radio, last you heard about him, he was going to some school in London to become an English Professor? What had changed from the moment you stepped away from each other to now? So, again, like any other girl, you looked up his name.
Zayn Malik, 21, overnight sensation with the hit song, âMiss Youâ. Â
Article after article, the news began to shock you more and more. Zayn had made a song and got over his stage fright enough to actually sing and post it? For years you would tell him that his voice deserved to be on the big screen, you just never thought that he would be able to do it. He was always a private man. There were many different pictures splayed across the internet, he looked different, obviously but he made it look even better than he did when you were with him.
Alex was set to be home in thirty minutes from his last class, but you couldnât seem to stay away from the articles of your ex boyfriend. Something you never thought would happen. Thatâs when it caught your eye. An interview with some random girl that was posted just the day before.
Zayn Malik opens up about what Miss You is really about.
And without even thinking, you were already being loaded onto a youtube link where you would hear his voice once again. Were you ready for the upcoming nostalgia of listening to your ex boyfriend speak? No.Â
âGood afternoon everyone, this is Amanda with East Hollywood News here with Zayn Malik. How are you today, Zayn?â The interviewer asked while looking away from the camera and to Zayn. Just the thought of seeing him on camera brought back way too many memories of your senior year journal documentaries. The way he would instantly become nervous each time he would see the small camera in your hand, the memory brought an unwanted smile to your face.
âIâm good, yeah Iâm great actually. Couldâve gone with a little bit more coffee but I wouldnât pass this opportunity up for the world.â He spoke slowly, his left eye twitching a little bit while he rubbed his hands on his pant legs.
âMe too, Zayn, thank you for being here with us today. We are so excited to finally be able to talk to you.â
âThank you for having me.â
Amanda had flashcards sitting in her left hand while a microphone was being held up with her right. Typical interview set up. You werenât really into keeping up with gossip and drama, but seeing as someone you had once put your whole heart and soul into was sitting next to her, you couldnât find it in yourself to look away.
âSo I just want to start off today by saying congratulations on the Brit Awards nomination, itâs crazy how just one three minute song can get you so far in such little time. I mean, Miss You, had only just come out last year, correct?â Amanda questions. Brit Awards. His song being out for a year. There was too much stuff rolling around in your mind, I mean, how could you possibly take this all in? Last year you were going on your first date with Alex while Zayn had been slowly making his way up the charts with a song youâve never heard before this morning.
âThank you, it has definitely been a roller coaster to get adjusted to, this past year. It almost seems as if everyone knows more about myself than I do.â Zayn laughed out. As the moments drag on, Zayn visibly gets more comfortable in front of the camera and itâs almost like that is where he belonged.
âWelcome to celebrity life, you will never get used to it.â A laugh was heard from both parties on the screen before Amanda continued. âBefore we get on with the interview, Iâm just going to rip the band aid off and ask what everyone is dying to know! What inspired you to write this song?â
There was a slight pause before anyone spoke up. Zayn was looking right into the camera and you felt as if he knew you were watching. Unbeknownst to you, Zayn could only hope you were watching and keeping up with him. That is the reason he released the song in the first place, it was the only logical way in his mind that could possibly get your attention. He didnât know how to answer Amandaâs question though.
How does one openly talk about a breakup that enforced you to write a song about it two years later? Last year when Zayn was going through your old videos, he never thought about the possibility of becoming every teenage girlsâ dream. He only wanted one girl. Or woman now that youâd be turning twenty-one in just a few weeks. Itâs crazy how time flies.
âI feel like there is more than just one reason as to why I wrote this song, ya know? Any other musician would probably just say that it was a heartbreak and leave it at that. And maybe it was a heartbreak that led up to this point, but it was also losing someone so close to you. Itâs moving on in life and missing the person you had been. The people you knew. It can be taken in many different ways, and so anyone who listens to the song can envision their own personal perspectives to relate to the lyrics. The meaning of a song never has to be about just one thing.â He spoke out confidently. For someone who didnât know how to answer the question, he sure felt proud of himself for the answer he came up with. Now his management team can be a different story, but at the moment Zayn was happy.
âAfter my last year in school ended I felt like I had nothing. I no longer had a constant thing to hold onto, and one day I was scrolling through the internet on my computer and came across videos of my past that made me sit and think, Is this what I really want to be doing in life? You see, I was never a good student growing up, which is weird because I quite literally went to uni to become a professor, but that wasnât what I wanted. At the time, I didnât know what I wanted so I just started writing my feelings down. One thing led to another and here we are. Music is probably the only constant I will ever need.â
âItâs not just a background melody with words on top of it. Itâs a story. Someoneâs story they want to tell without indirectly speaking the words. And for some people, they understand that story because they have a similar one as well. Itâs kind of like my escape, except this time, it canât leave me.â As Zayn finished up his little monologue, Amanda looked at him in confusion.
âWhat do you mean by that? It canât leave you.â She asked.
âMy escape had once been a person. A person who I loved more than anything in the world and I let that person slip away. I let them go so they could live out their dream without the responsibilities of being tied down. At the time I thought that I was doing the right thing, and I donât regret it for one second because at least I know that theyâre living out their dream. I just wish that that person knows just how much they meant and still to this day, mean to me.â He replied.
For the second time in what seemed to be two hours, tears were streaming endlessly down your face with a now closed laptop and a whole bunch of unanswered âwhat ifsâ.
You cared deeply about Alex, some would say even love, but when it comes to the first ever person you put your heart into, that feeling just doesnât go away. The breakup had been mutual, after some time of arguing because neither of you were ready to say goodbye, but if you had just waited. If you had just fought a little harder, maybe then things would be so much different.
Maybe if you had just found a school that was much closer and in the country, things wouldnât have ended the way that they did. Maybe they wouldnât have ended at all.
The yelling, the screaming, the slurred words that felt like daggers to the heart each time they passed the pinkness of their lips. The inevitable heartbreak that was almost earth shattering the moment they realised that what they had was now long gone.
The love you two once shared was now a distant memory, so far in the wind that you couldnât even believe there was a time where you guys had once been happy. Where there was once a time that your hearts had both been so in sync, you couldnât breathe without each other. The long trips he had to take for his job were the longest youâve been apart from him in the whole eight years of knowing and loving him.
You once thought that the love the two of you shared was indestructible. Nothing could get in the way when it was just you and him.
Then the bickering began. It first started with little things. You didnât wash the dishes one night because of how sore you were from working a nine and a half hour shift. He didnât hang his clothes up after doing his laundry, leaving it sitting messily and wrinkled in the basket beside the closet door. Little things that you would never think could lead up to something more damaging.
Niall had started staying out later than usual, and that was fine, you werenât one to keep him from living his life, but a simple message would be nice. The first few nights you had waited up for him. He would wobble in, drunk off his ass, at three in the morning and make so much noise you couldnât possibly begin to wonder what your neighbors thought was going on in the Horan residence.
After almost a week of staying up to tend to all of Niallâs drunken needs, you decided the hours of lost sleep were not worth it, especially when you had to be at work by seven the next morning. Niall would stumble through the door and go straight for the bathroom to freshen up for bed.
You canât lie and say that you dreaded the moment he got beside you in your shared king sized bed, because the moment he was laid down, his arm would settle across your stomach and pull you close to him. Of course, you could go without the lingering scent of the drastic amounts of alcohol he consumed only hours prior, but he was your love and you wouldnât take these moments for granted.
With Covid coming around, he had started to lock himself in his office and work on his music for his next album, then when the bars started to open back up, all Niall wanted to do was drink. And drinking is what he did. But when you had finally confronted Niall on his behavior, he had promised that he would slow down on the drinking. He would spend more time with you, rather than worrying you about his safety. And he stuck to that promise.
For a week.
It was the happiest week youâve had with your husband in the last year. The two of you would wake up and have an early breakfast together before you had to head out for work. Then when you would come home, the house would be clean and Niall would be cooking dinner. The different smells of all kinds of meats and vegetables flowing through the air each day you took a step back into your home.
There were no fights between you two and you finally thought that things were going back to normal. Except on the sixth day, Niallâs friend had called him and said that he was having an engagement party for one of his buddies at work and he wanted Niall to join.
You had begged Niall not to go. Stating that you were just finally getting him back, you werenât ready to lose him again. That led to one of the biggest fights you have ever had with him. All different types of profanities and accusational phrases were thrown at each other, he would say such degrading things towards you and the tears just wouldnât stop coming.
âDo you still love me?â You had asked, your cheeks were stained with ruined mascara due to the crying you had just done. The heaving never stopped but it felt like there were no tears left for you to cry. And you could have sworn you saw his face soften a little bit. Almost as if he wanted to take back everything you guys had said that night. His eyes lingered on yours but after a few seconds of that hope you held, Niall crushed it by scoffing and walking out the door.
He didnât say anything for days after that. And letâs just say, having someone you love more than life itself giving you the silent treatment is worse than any heartbreak you have ever felt before. He even went as far as to staying in the guest room down the hall, leaving you cold and broken in a bed that is way too big for just one person.
After that night, the drinking only increased far beyond what he had been consuming before the five days of pure bliss you had with your husband. Now, he was staying out all night. There would be times where he would go days without coming home. No contact with you. No good morning messages. No âdonât wait up for meâ messages. Nothing. Even when you guys were in the same room together, he was as dry as bread that has been left open for far too long.
It all had gotten to be too much, and all it took was one phone call from your mother to know just how bad your marriage had gotten.
âHe doesnât love me anymore, mom. What do I do?â You cried out over the phone. A slight rash had formed on the tips of your cheeks due to all of the wiping of tears you had cried within the past few weeks. Crying was something you were used to now. It became a part of your everyday schedule, and if you were lucky, you would only cry once in the morning after first waking up.
âNow, love, Iâm sure thatâs not the case. Niall loves you very much, he just told me when you two were down here for Christmas that he couldnât see his life with anyone else. Said he was ready to try and start a family with you. He even asked me if I was okay with him having a family with you. A true charmer, that boy is.â Your mom laughed at your silliness, but if she were in your shoes, she wouldnât be laughing.
If she saw the Niall that you saw, she would know that the boy from five months ago isnât the same boy today. âHeâs changed his mind now. All we ever do is fight. No, wait, all we ever did was fight. Now he doesnât even speak to me. I swear, I havenât heard his voice in a week!â
âYouâre just over exaggerating-â
âNo Iâm not! I asked if he still loved me and he walked out the door! Thatâs not overreacting, thatâs seeing the bigger picture for what it really is. And what it is, is my husband hates me and would probably rather be out with some other chick he picks up from one of the multiple bars he goes to. I wouldnât put it past him if he had already cheated on me, I wouldnât blame him either. I havenât been the best wife to him-â
âDonât you dare put the blame on yourself, Y/N. Do you hear me? You both have done things in your marriage together and maybe that is what is putting a toll on it. Tell me something, love, do you still love him?â she asked. It wasnât much of a question, but then why were you having such a hard time answering it?
âI loved who he used to be. The man living with me now isnât the man I married. I will always love him, but I donât think I can do this anymore. What am I supposed to do?â
âYou just answered that for yourself, Y/N. I love him. And I love you. But maybe the love you guys have for each other just isnât enough anymore. Maybe you werenât meant to be.â
And that was it. You hung up the phone and sank to the floor, your back resting against the cool of the kitchen cabinets. A breath of air roughly being released from your mouth and you felt the need to cry. No tears came, but the now well-known feeling of emptiness captured your heart and soul. All you could do, all you could feel, was the numbness taking over your body and forming you into something you never wanted to become.
Maybe you werenât meant to be.
That was such a load of shit. There is no such thing as meant to be. How can someone fall in love with another person and have nothing but the perfect relationship? Itâs just not possible. Maybe when you and Niall first got together you had that thought of meant to be. But that was nothing more than the honeymoon phase taking over your life. At this rate, you were giving your all to a man who stopped caring about you a long time ago. Why couldnât he just man up and leave already?
End the marriage once and for all. Put you out of your misery and let you move on with your life.
So that is how you ended up right now, sitting at your dining room table, your hands interlaced with each other while your chin rested on top of them. Your feet were crossed under your chair and you stared at the file of documents that laid before you, silently taunting you because now you were nothing more than a failed marriage.
The moment Niall would walk through your door, you would finally get your out. You will get the bags you have packed from your now half empty room, and you will walk away from the life you had known for eight years. The man you have loved. Love, present tense, but could no longer show it for him to believe it.
He left you feeling empty. You had dug yourself so far in this hole that you created and you didnât know how to get out. Or if you would ever get out, for that matter. This is what rock bottom feels like, and you would never wish it upon your worst enemy.
You sat waiting for hours, but like you expected, Niall never showed up. So instead, all you did was let out a shaky breath and stood from your chair. You couldnât believe the fact that you were about to walk away from your home, your life, without so much of a goodbye to your husband. But this is the way it has to be, maybe doing it this way would be easier on you and easier on him.
He wouldnât have to explain himself and will be overjoyed with the fact that he is no longer tied down. He no longer has to feel suffocated in a marriage he so desperately wanted in the first place. There was still love deep down inside that you held for Niall, but right now, all you could feel was resentment.
Grabbing your bags, you took a look around the house before opening the door and walking to your car. The documents still sat on the table for Niall to find whenever he finally decides that he wants to come back home. You put your bags in the trunk of your car and made your way to the driver's seat.
Never in a million years did you ever think you would be leaving Niall, but for once in the longest time, you felt free. And even though you didnât get the closure you had wanted from him, you canât help but slightly smile as you drove out of the neighborhood you once called home.
Here we are, itâs the end of my first series âMy Girlâ. Thank you all for reading and I hope to see you with my other writings I have planned for this account!
You have dedication but more important priorities than to sit in an office for ten hours a day.
Thatâs what they told you during the meeting with the board and CEO of Lively Industries. They didnât think you were a qualified fit for the administrative manager position because even though you had the dedication and you had the work ethics, you didnât have the best time management. And for that, you understood why they would be resistant when tending to your application.
âI know the duties and responsibilities of being a mother. I know how time consuming it can get, but if you give me the opportunity to prove myself to you, Iâm positive that I can change your mind.â You spoke confidently, the nerves inside of you were going insane but somehow you managed to keep your calm. âMiss Y/L/N, I understand how hard it is to build yourself up after raising a child on your own, I have done it for nearly fifteen years. So I more than believe you can take on this job and be the best manager this company has ever seen, but are you willing to give up more hours with your child to tend to the duties of this job?â The voice of none other than Brennen Lively himself replied.
You had worked for Brennen for three years, five including the non paying internship you did during your junior and senior year of college. He knew and understood your situation, his wife died just before he started his company. Youâve heard the story many times and that is what led you to wanting to be more. To do more, not just for yourself but for your child as well.
âIf you feel as if I am the right candidate for this position, then yeah I will figure it out. Even if that means taking my work home at three pm so I can still have time with my daughter. Sir, I understand that having a child is a huge thing to take in when hiring, but I promise you and the board that I will do my hardest to make sure you guys get the kind of manager you are looking for.â
âAlright then, if you could please step out of the room and wait with Brim while we make our final decisions.â One of the members of the board, Hayley Christan, said while opening the door for you. Brim was already sitting on one of the chairs along the hallway messing with her newly manicured nails. Walking into the office this morning Brim was confident, she was bold, but seeing the look on her face now told you just how hesitant and twitchy she actually is. After Ayden listed her as a recommendation the board had explained just how inappropriate it was due to her being in an intimate relationship with him. However, they still took her into consideration and tried to look past the inappropriate tendencies on how she actually got recommended for the job because at the end of the day, she is an amazing candidate for the job.
âHowâd it go, sunshine? You look beyond terrified.â Brim spoke through the silence. You took the seat next to her, moving the stray hairs from your bun out of your face. âI highly doubt they would consider me as the best candidate, I mean I have a daughter for crying out loud! They asked if I was ready to give up more time with her and the answer is no. I told them I would work from home if I had to, but I donât want to be in the office and away from Cady for longer than I already am.â
âIf it makes you feel any better I donât think they respect me as an individual. All because I have needs with the man whose position I want to take over, doesnât mean I wonât be a great team leader, ya know? Like, what I do on my own time shouldnât reflect on how I do my work.â She sighed out in frustration. To answer her question, no, you didnât understand why the board would overlook her work credentials and see the relationship between her and Ayden instead. But at the same time, it kind of made sense as Ayden had recommended her without actually knowing what she does in the office.
âWhatever happens today, in that room, we promised not to let it come between us. We both knew coming into this that we would go head to head, I need you to promise me that if I come out on top, I wonât be losing a friendship and gaining a rival in that place. I will promise you the same.â You held your pinky out in front of her and she smiled and took it in her own. âI promise.â
Before either one of you could continue any form of small talk, Amelia -- Brennenâs PA --, had walked out and called for Brim. A smile on her face indicating good news, or thatâs what you believed anyways. You understood why they would want her, sheâs hardworking, sheâs reliable, and she has the time to do the work. Not that you werenât hardworking or unreliable, but you have bigger responsibilities than to manage an office. Sure, the job would have been great. And maybe you did get your hopes up. But Cadence comes before anything in your life, and that will never change.
You waited out in that hallway for a meer ten minutes before you heard the wooden door open, immediate dread taking out your features. Brim walked out with a slight smile on her face and looked at you. You had promised that you wouldnât be upset at her, and you werenât upset, at her anyways. But more so yourself because you couldnât be the person they wanted. And if you werenât anticipating this moment already, Brim finally spoke to you, saying something that confused you.
âThey want to see you in there, congratulations boss.â
----
The day had dragged into night and you were now standing with Cadence attached to your hip while talking with a few people at Zoeyâs cookout. You didnât really know the person you were currently interacting with, but she seemed nice enough to compliment the dresses you and Cady had worn for the night. Knee high and flowing in the wind, the dress was nothing more than what you could find at walmart. In fact, the dress had been bought at that exact store a few years ago.
You hadnât told anyone about the position you had been gifted earlier on in the day, but at this moment everything felt irrelevant as you were having an amazing time with Cady. You had a bright smile on your face and even though your arms were aching from the twenty pounded girl you were holding, you wouldnât have it any other way.
Fairy lights were hung all around Zoeyâs backyard, there was a table full of food and the grill was cooking up everything nice. The sky was painted abstract with different hues of reds, oranges, and yellows with a tint of pink and the weather was the perfect amount of not too hot and not too cold. Just like in Goldilocks and the Three Bears, it was just right.
âLace, you made it! Zoeyâs been going on and on about what time Cady would be here. I swear, had I not stopped her, she would have stolen your child from the daycare.â Danny cheered upon seeing you walk over his way. You laughed at him and then looked around to see if you could locate the accused woman.
âOf course she has, I swear she could care less about me.â Laughing out again, you set Cadence down to go play on her playset, however you wouldnât let her out of your sight. âYou gave her a niece, the moment she was born, you have been second best. But you know she loves you more than she likes to let out. Youâre her Meredith Grey.â
âSo weâre dark and twisty?â You asked in a joking manner. Your eyebrows were raised and a small smile was nearly hidden on your face. Almost making out in a smirk. âYou. You are dark and twisted, she is more like Lexi Grey than she is Christina but she does have some similarities with her.â You knew he was talking about her smarts and will to do anything without giving up, but you also knew that he meant the situation with her dad as well.
âThatâs good to know, where is she anyways? I need to talk to her but havenât seen her all night.â
âLast time I knew, she was in the kitchen. You go find her, Iâll look after Cadence.â
You quitely thanked him before making your way into the house where you absentmindedly looked for Zoey. When you found her, she was making a drink in a red solo cup, one you would normally see at a college frat party. âSo whatâs this I hear about you trying to kidnap my kid?â You asked while you walked into the room. Zoey turned to look at you confused at first as to what you were talking about but her face morphed into one of amusement when your words finally clicked.
âIt wouldnât be kidnapping if Iâm on her emergency contact list and you know where I live. It would simply be checking her out of the daycare that she doesnât need to be in because Danny and I have told you a million times that we can watch her. Even mom has offered her time.â
âYou guys already do so much for me, at this point I should start to feel bad. If she didnât have friends at the daycare, I would consider it, but I want her to have a life outside of us.â You said. Zoey gave you a look of what you would say is admiration. âSo what have you been up to?â
âI had a client walk out on me today, but thatâs okay because she has no taste in style.â She answers and goes back to putting the cap on the alcohol bottle. âZoey, you canât just say that about someone.â
âDoes it look like I care? She tried matching a white couch with a dirty brown table. As if I donât know how to do my job.â You never did understand the concept of design or as Zoey calls it, style. It took her a week to finally convince her to design your apartment. âOkay whatever, anyways thereâs something I need to tell you.â
âWhatâs that?â
âYou know the day I was over here and we were talking about how I shouldnât blame Harry for the conversation Cady and I had?â She gave you a weird look before slowly nodding her head, no words leaving her mouth. âWell that day I actually went over to his house and we talked. It was nothing extreme, but long story short, I ended up apologizing for my childish antics. I really canât understand why I did the things I did, he didnât deserve that, ya know? I donât know, I just, I donât know what Iâm doing.â
Zoey interrupted your rambling before you could get too deep in your mind. âWait a minute, you went over to Harryâs house? How did you even know where he lived? You know thatâs kind of creepy right?â Her last question actually made you laugh, more than you probably should have.
âMore creepy than sending him to mine after just meeting him one time? Iâm sure. But no, your husband actually gave me his address. I donât even know how he knew what I was planning on doing. I was simply just going to message and ask him to meet somewhere and hope for the best.â You replied. Zoeyâs face was priceless, the confusion that laced across her features evident and quite hilarious.
âHow did I- why didnât you tell me sooner?â She asked quietly. Her drink was now long forgotten. She sounded offended in a way that you couldnât quite understand. âIâm sorry, Zoe. I donât know, maybe it was the thought of you judging me because I was just complaining about him?â
Zoeyâs face visibly softened as she took in your words. âYou know I would never, ever, judge you. Meet a douchebag and fall in love with him? Okay, Iâll be there to pick up the pieces when he leaves you for broken. Have a baby at twenty-two with the guy you fell in love with, only to have him leave because he didnât want a child? Alright, we can make this work. We can have a baby. We can raise a baby, she will have the best damn life she could ever have. Y/N, you canât possibly think that talking to Harry Styles, my husband's best friend, would make me judge you? Whatâs really going on?â She asked in a sort of an integrating tone.
The thing about Zoey, is that when she wants something, she gets in. In this case, itâs answers you donât even know for yourself. âI think- maybe, I might like him, and it scares the shit out of me.â You said while playing with your nails. Zoey laughed at you, for some reason you also didnât know the answer to. So out of instinct, you send her a glare before she spoke her thoughts out loud.
âY/N, you do understand that you almost word for word said the phrase that I spoke to you when I realized that I loved Danny, right? Liking Harry isnât a bad thing, why must you make it out to seem like youâve committed a crime?â She asks. Flashbacks of the night that Zoey admitted her feelings for her dearly beloved replayed in your head.
----
You had finally been able to take Cady home, Zoey expressed that she didnât know that she could love someone as much as she loved the girl in your arms, and that is when her face went from one to adoration to one of horror. You, being confused by her sudden change of attitude, decided to speak up.
âZoe? Is everything okay?â You placed your hand over hers that sat beside you on the bed. She turned her head to look at you, it looked as if she were about to cry? Her eyes were glossed over and you could tell that her breath had been caught in her throat. Not to mention, the visible wobble in her bottom lip as she tried to speak up, nothing coming out.
âZoey? Youâre scaring me.â
âI think- I uhm- I think Iâm in love with Danny, and it scares the shit out of me. I donât- I donât know, I was sitting here and saw Cadence and I couldnât imagine life without you guys, and I realized, I couldnât imagine my life without him either. I mean, weâve been dating for a while now? But what if thatâs not what he wants? What if heâs not in this for the long haul, but more so the physical attraction?â Zoey then stood up from your bed and was now pacing back and forth.
There wasnât much you could do because you had Cadence sprawled out on your chest, sleeping peacefully. âReally? This is what youâre freaking out over?â You laughed out. âZoey Walters, you underestimate that man's motives! He loves you. Everytime I look at the two of you, I can see the admiration in his eyes. Youâd be doing something as simple as watching a movie, his eyes would be on yours more than the screen. I couldnât have asked for a better person for you, than him. Please donât overthink this more than you should. Daniel loves you. You, Zoey. No one else.â
----
âHarry and I arenât like you and Danny. Weâve only known each other for what? A little over a month now? Thereâs no possible explanation as to why I could possibly be feeling this way towards him.â You spoke defensively. Why you were getting defensive with the girl whose intentions were nothing but pure love for you was something the world may never know. âYou canât help who you fall in love with-â
âLove?! I do not love Harry Styles!â
âHang on there, tiger, let me finish. You cannot help who you fall in love with, itâs one of those inevitable feelings that creeps in when you least expect it, for the person you least expect it to happen for. Now maybe you donât love him, but you are definitely infatuated with him, and you canât run from it or else it will hurt the both of you in the long run.â
The look Zoey was giving you was genuine, intimidating, but genuine. Before you could say anything else, Zoeyâs arms had wrapped around your waist and you let out a sigh and relaxed in her embrace. âDonât run from this, Y/N.â
The moments you have with Zoey were always heartfelt. âI got the promotion.â You spoke out nonchalantly. She pulled back with wide eyes, her hands gripped your biceps and she let out an audible gasp. âYou what?!â
âThey gave me the job. Well, they are giving me a trial run, if I canât give them what they want then my old job will be waiting for me, but Brennen said heâs really rooting for me.â
âHow in the fucking world are you not freaking out, right now?! This is big news, why didnât you tell me sooner?!â Zoey screamed at you, a huge smile graced upon her face. âI am freaking out, internally though.â
She started jumping around with screams of joy escaping her lips. When Zoey left the room, most likely out to the back yard to tell literally everyone about your promotion, you stayed back to take in everything that just happened. Obviously you were happy about the promotion, but the newfound feelings you are experiencing with a certain green eyed boy were throwing you off. It was one thing to think about the feelings, but expressing them out loud was much more scary.
Just as you were about to make your way out to the back patio, you felt a rather large hand grasp the small of your wrist. And because the world is full of coincidences, you turned around and locked eyes with said green-eyed beauty. He made casual look amazing, not to mention the slight messy hair he held on his head.
âHarry, what are you doing here?â You asked in a hushed tone. It was stupid really, you never told Zoey or Daniel not to invite him. Part of you just thought he would stay away because he should know by now that you and Cadence basically live here. But you couldnât shake the feeling you got by just being in the same room as him. The slight tingle on your wrist where his hand laid lightly.
âWell you see, my best friend also happens to live here as well.â He smiled cockily, obviously using the slight sarcasm he knows to make your cheeks heat up. âVery funny, Styles. How much did you hear?â You asked.
âNothing really, I just got here. But I did just hear Zoey screaming about you getting a promotion? Congratulations on that, maybe we could go for a walk?â Harry suggested. You didnât get the chance to reply because all you could hear now was the paddles of little feet rushing towards the kitchen door. In instinct, you hastily moved Harry into the other room so Cadence wouldnât see you guys.
âWhat, are you embarrassed of me now?â Harry asked with somewhat of a hurt tone. Did you guys not just talk about wanting to keep your daughter out of this for now?
âItâs Cady, just give me a second okay?â You walked back into the kitchen where Cady was now walking in from the back patio door. âHey, lovebug, whatâs up?â Bending down to her height, you brushed some of the stray hairs out of her face.
âUncle Danny said it was way past my bedtime.â Her little voice spoke out to you. Grabbing your phone off of the counter, you tapped on the screen to look at the time, and sure enough it was already eleven. The night had really gotten away from you. âWould you look at that, it sure is. Why donât you have Uncle Danny read you another chapter of your bedtime story? Iâm sure he would love to.â
âOkay, but mommy, are you gonna be there too?â She looked really tired, and her voice was slowly giving out. You picked her up, because you feared that she would have collapsed right there and fell asleep, and took her to the room Danny and Zoey had set up for her. Obviously walking right by Harry but Cady was too out of it to tell. And all he did was give you a really big smile before mouthing to you; Iâll be right here. Hurry back.
Slowly walking up the stairs, making sure you donât trip because the last thing you need is another trip to the hospital, you made your way to the light purple room with bear stickers on the walls. Her bed was small, something they had bought when they first bought the house. Zoey wanted to make sure that you and Cady had your own rooms in case something happened and you got kicked out of your place, although you said she would jinx it, she still bought the five bedroom luxurious house in a gated community.
Cady was already passed out when you laid her down, so instead, you gently pressed a kiss to her forehead before turning on her little night light and walked out the door. Only to have your heart drop when you reached the bottom of the stairs.
Without looking, Harry came up behind you and grabbed your waist and spun you around, leaving a small scream to echo through the muffled music.
âShh, you just put Cady down.â Harry said while laughing and put his finger up to his lips. You didnât find it all that funny, but fighting the smile that crept on your face was surely a challenge. âExactly, so why would you scare me like that?â You fought back.
Harry didnât answer your question though. âLetâs go on that walk.â
Grabbing your hand, Harry led you out the front door and down the driveway. Just before you could ask one last question.
âWhat are we doing?â
âGo on a date with me. A real date. One where I take you dancing under the moon. We can lay in the street and count the stars.â He spoke after a few minutes of silence. His hand was still holding onto yours, this time only tighter.
âWe live in New York, Iâm sure if we try to lay in the street, we would die.â
âOkay so we lay on the sidewalk! Weâll find a hill to climb, a beach to soar! Iâm climbing a tree here, Y/N, what do you say? Are you climbing with me or are you going to walk away?â Harry stopped walking abruptly, making you turn around and look at him.
His stare was captivating, you couldnât look away. What was it really what you wanted? You liked him, that much, you knew. But were you ready to put all of your trust in him and start the dating process? I mean, itâs not like he asked you to be his girlfriend. Heâs not proposing. But, are you ready to put your heart back on the line for it to potentially get broken again?
With each passing second, the deafening silence was eating away at Harry. He was waiting quite impatiently for your answer. Last time the two of you spoke, you were ready to get to know him? You were ready to try for something more. Did something happen from then to now that could have changed your mind?
You looked up at him with a face that he couldnât read. Usually he was good at telling what people were feeling, but you were a closed book for him. And he couldâve sworn his heart nearly dropped when he saw your lips start to move.
The sulking was getting out of hand, it had been nearly a week and there was work that had to be done and a child to raise. You couldnât just take a break like everyone else when a breakup occurs, though you and Harry were never official, only having shared a single kiss in the depths of the night. It still hurt because you thought that the two of you could have actually been something. It was nothing more than a silly crush.
Cadence had soon forgotten about Harry which you were grateful for, however him being Danielâs best friend, it would be hard to avoid him forever. You wanted to believe that all would go back to normal after that fateful night but you just couldnât shut your mind off about him. And it wasnât like you thought about him every second of every day, it was a casual occurrence here and there but each time you would always think back to, what could have been?
Having Zoey back definitely helped ease your mind, on the days she wouldnât talk about him. Zoey really saw a future for the two of you and would never fail to remind you.
âWhat are you doing on the seventh?â Zoey had broken the silence that sat between the two of you. You were sitting at her dining room table, papers filling the empty spaces as she was finally back to work. Her job is very lenient, being an interior designer sure does have its perks. âThatâs this Friday, right?â
âYeah.â
You nodded your head while thinking about whether or not you had plans, which you donât but she doesnât need to know that. âThatâs the day we find out about the promotion I told you about. Why do you ask?â You ask in confusion, she knew about promotion day, even though you forgot for a minute. âDanny and I were thinking about having a cookout as an end of the summer type thing, but since thatâs the day of the promotion, we will make it your celebratory party.â Her attention was on the papers in front of her but Zoey was Zoey and knew everything about you, all leading back to the stern look you were giving her. To which she just laughed when she looked up at your face and saw that her speculations were in fact correct.
âFor starters, summer ends in September, itâs only just the beginning of August. Secondly, we donât even know if I am getting the promotion. Iâm actually pretty sure Brim is currently in the lead, so donât get your hopes up. And lastly, last time you had a celebratory party for me, it led to me drunkenly crying in the comfort of one of your mothers guest rooms next to my sleeping daughter.â A sigh left your lips and your arms flew to your head.
âYouâre getting the promotion, Y/N. You are literally the most reliable person in that office, they would be morons not to give it to you. And as for your birthday, Harry tried to apologize.â
âSo youâre suddenly on his side? He made Cady hurt like iâve never seen before.â You were growing frustrated, cutting Zoey off before she could finish her sentence. She knew what went down the night Cady asked about her father. She knew how excruciatingly hard it was to talk to your crying daughter about why someone she mistakenly thought was her father left her. To this day, you still didnât understand why she thought Harry was her dad, they had only just met.
âIâm not taking sides! Youâre just being naive and protective because you are afraid to get hurt. Itâs not about Cady anymore, because we both know that she forgot about that conversation the minute she fell asleep-â
Again cutting her off, you had tears in your eyes but not yet falling. âWell I did! You werenât there, Zoey. You didnât see her face. You didnât hear her cries. You didnât wipe the tears from her eyes. You. Werenât. There.â Splitting up the words in anger. Zoeyâs face went soft when she saw how distraught this was making you.
âYouâre right. I wasnât there, but I donât think Cady actually thought Harry was her father, or even cared that he wasnât there. I think she saw the kids at her daycare being picked up by their fatherâs and she felt like she was missing something. It was more than Harry leaving, but it took him walking away for Cady to realize what she didnât have. Y/N, you canât blame the conversation with Cadence that night on Harry, not when he didnât have anything to do with it. She wasnât hurt that he left, per say, but really just upset that she doesnât have a dad like the rest of her friends.â
âIt doesnât mean that you have failed as a mother. And it doesnât mean that Harry had hurt her. You just want a reason to be upset at Harry so you donât have to acknowledge the obvious feelings you have growing for him. I saw you at the wedding, babe. You guys talked for a solid two hours and I swear, I have never seen you laugh so much. Not since Alex, and you are scared that if you let yourself get that close with someone again, the same thing will happen. Tell me Iâm wrong and Iâll stop while I'm ahead.â
Alex.
You never thought that a name could bring you so much rage. So much anger. So much pain.
When you thought about what you and Alex had, you would think about all of the laughter the two of you shared. The silent drives that happened late into the night. The stars would be out and you and Alex would sit in the back of his truck, a blanket laid down for comfort, and you would just stare at the late night sky.
You would think about all of the sweet nothings he would whisper in your ear. They sounded so sincere that you had actually believed him. At that time in your life you were happy. You were so genuinely happy with him that you would have never believed that this was how you would end up in life. Shattered and alone with a two year old daughter who could possibly feel the pain you felt.
At the time you couldnât think about anything but Alex. But then you think about Cadence now, and you see the way she resembles almost every aspect of him and you just get hit with that anger all over again. You were angry at him for leaving you. You were angry at him for leaving Cadence. And you were angry at yourself for ever loving him in the first place.
âY/N, you canât let what happened in the past reflect on how you live your future. You have a right to be scared, but if you let that fear get the best of you, youâre going to continue on with getting hurt. The best advice that my mother ever gave me growing up was that you donât choose who you fall for, and it will be scary and you might get hurt along the way, but sometimes life throws obstacles your way and you canât help but go through them to be happy. Tell me, what do you think about when you think of Harry?â She asked softly, her hands collapsing around your own as she moved from the seat across the table to the one next to you. She was staring into your eyes intently, not knowing if you were going to give her an answer. Hell, she didnât even know if you were processing the things she was saying.
But you were.
âThe tree talk.â You almost didnât hear yourself, thatâs how quiet your voice was. You were prone to talking silently when having deep and emotional conversations, Zoey knew that which is why she didnât question the volume of the voice. More so the context behind your words. âWhat?â
âYou asked what I thought about when thinking about Harry. I think about the time he came over to my house because you sent him over after I called freaking out. We talked about so much that night, but one thing we talked about was the trees.â
---
âDanny DeVito is an absolute legend, I canât believe you got to meet him.â You spoke in quite the jealous tone. âI mean, how many people do you know that can direct, produce, narrate, and act all in the same movie?â
âActually there are a lot of people who can direct and act in the same movie. Mel Gibson. Angelina Jolie. Jackie Chan-â Harry went on naming directors before you finally interrupted.
âOkay smartass, I get it, but all I was doing was making a point. Danny is this world's greatest accomplishment.â You said before grabbing your water bottle off of your side table by your chair. âWe didnât just meet him, Y/N, we recorded a music video with him.â He had said as if it was the most normal thing in the world. It made you spit out the water you had previously had in your mouth, which made Harry belt out in laughter while you choked and gasped for air.
âYou worked with him?!â You nearly screamed. His hand was generously patting your back as you slowly gained some of the air you had lost back. âYouâre telling me that this whole week we havenât spoken to each other, you have still yet to look up One Direction? Iâm telling you, I donât know how much more my heart can take.â Harry empathized with a hand over his heart.
âYour heart will be fine. Tell me what he was like. Was he funny? He was funny, wasnât he. Classic Trashman. How short was he? Obviously I know the calculations but I want to know how it felt to meet him but still tower over him. Tell me everything.â At this point you didnât even know what you were saying, there was no doubt that you were embarrassing yourself.
âCalm down, Rapunzel, youâre going to give yourself a headache. Or worse, me.â
He joked while slightly pushing your arm. Simply you just rolled your eyes before answering, âHa ha, so funny Styles. Using my daughter's favorite princess against me.â His eyes formed into a confused frown before he realized what you were talking about. âI wasnât doing anything more than comparing you to her, you both talk a lot when youâre excited about something. Not to mention you both get excited over the smallest of things, hence Danny DeVitoâs height questions. Best of all, you both hold Cadenceâs love. Iâd say being compared to her is the best compliment you could get.â
âYou forgot one thing.â
âOh yeah, whatâs that?â His eyes were challenging you to continue, although you didnât know if you actually wanted to continue, you knew there was no going back now that you already opened your mouth. âWe both have mommy issues, well I guess in her case itâs fake mommy, but still.â
Instead of giving you a disgusted look for joking about such a personal matter, Harry laughed yet again. You were sure that you could listen to his laugh on repeat for the rest of your life if you were given the chance. Slowly you joined in on his laughter until your eyes met each other, thatâs when it slowed down. You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, not in a sexual way but more in a nervous âwhat am I supposed to doâ way. âSo does that make you Flynn Rider? Cady seems to really enjoy your company.â
âAbsolutely not, most people say I look like Prince Eric. Zaynâs the one that looks like Flynn, which is weird because his girlfriend actually looks similar to Rapunzel.â
âAnd Zayn is which one?â You asked almost immediately and embarrassedly. Harry didnât take it to heart though, instead sticking with a cocky look on his face. âGeez woman, okay Iâm giving you homework, when I leave tonight you have to look up One Direction, itâs non-negotiable. Zayn is the one with perfect hair, aside from me of course.â He answers with a flick of his short hair and a soft laugh.
âThatâs too bad, we couldâve been this powerful disney couple.â It hadnât registered in your brain on what you had just said. âYou think weâd be a great couple?â And thatâs when your eyes widened, when it finally clicked. Your cheeks heated up in even more embarrassment than before.
âNo- I mean like, not like a couple -- we were just talking about disney characters and it kind of slipped out-â You tried to make out the words, but the slight stutter was evident as you spoke. Harry wanted you to keep talking, he found it admirable. âLove, Iâm just joking with you. You donât do this a lot, do you?â
âDo what?â You questioned, confusion lacing your facial features. âTalking to people of the opposite sex? Absolutely not, youâre actually the only guy Iâve spoken to besides Daniel. Unless you count countless and drunken hookups, but Iâm usually always wasted and they donât happen that often because of Cadence. Not that they donât happen, itâs just hard with a two year old- okay Y/N, thatâs enough talking for you.â You covered your face with your before laughing out an apology. Harry didnât seem to mind though, the rambling was cute. Would he have preferred a different topic for you to ramble on about? Yes.
âNo, please do continue on with your pointless hookups with drunk and immature boys from a random bar.â You just groaned in annoyance, mentally rolling your eyes. Harry just laughed and grabbed ahold of your wrists to move them away from your face. ââM just teasinâ, love. No need to get all worked up.â
âYou actually suck. I hope you enjoy your time in hell.â
âThatâs not nice.â
âYouâre not nice.
âAm too, youâre just easy to annoy.â
âAm not! Youâre just a dick.â The two of you bickered back and forth, youâve got to say it was quite interesting and a huge relief that he wasnât disgusted about you talking about sex with other men. âOkay, maybe I am a dick. Or maybe you are just sensitive.â He smirked.
You gasped very audibly but you could care less, âtake that back! I am not sensitive.â Harry just laughed and just as soon as the topic started, it ended. In fact, all verbal communication ended all together, leaving you and Harry in a comfortable silence.
You could get used to this, you thought. Having someone else to be comfortable with. In fact, you only hoped that he would stick around.
âHow long has it been?â Harryâs voice broke you out of the slight trance you had been stuck in.
âSince you got here-â You went to look at your phone for the time, almost scared of what it would read. You didnât want him to have to leave, but holy fuck it was one in the morning. Your eyes hesitated to meet his and unsurprisingly to you, Harry was already looking at you. âSince youâve properly dated someone.â
Oh. Yeah, that is not what you expected. âA little over three years I think. When I found out about Cadence, I was about a month along. Right after I saw the pink lines I took it to my boyfriend, then he left. Transferred to another school and was out of my life in less than a week. Guys donât usually go for single mothers.â You werenât upset that no one would date you because of your child, because she was all you needed. Sure, sometimes you wished that you had someone to connect with on an emotional and intimate level, but that didnât matter as much as Cady does.
Harry didnât understand the struggles of being a parent, or being a single parent at that. He really felt for you, in more ways than one which confused him. âYouâre giving me this weird look, I can see it. A look that says you donât quite understand, which is fine, I donât expect you too. Okay, dating is like climbing a tree. You start at the bottom and gradually work your way up to the top. There will be bumps and branches along the way, and you are guaranteed to fall if you are not careful. If you do fall, your initial reaction is to walk away from it. But there will always be that one person that goes back and tries again because they have so much faith in that tree.â
âAnd somewhere along the way, youâll find the tree that you will actually make it to the top with. Sometimes it takes climbing multiple different trees to make it to your treetop. It takes finding that one person to make it to the end with, and itâs hard to find that when my biggest branch is Cadence. I love her more than anything in this world, but she is the branch I canât seem to make it past when looking for a new relationship.â You finished off your little rant. You could see some of the details click in his ever so spinning head. It surprised you to be honest, you have never heard nor thought about a relationship being compared to climbing a tree. But at the end of it all, it made so much sense to you, like something had clicked inside your head as well.
âI just donât think I'm ready to climb to the top yet. Iâm quite terrified of heights, and if I fall I donât think I will be able to pick myself back up again.â
----
When you first mentioned the tree conversation to Zoey, she wasnât expecting it to be as deep as it was when you had explained it. To her, it was probably one of the cutest ways to describe something so complex. She was at a complete loss of words.
âZoe?â You asked out quietly, awaiting the hum that would leave her lips encouraging you to continue. She was looking down at your intertwined hands that have grown the slightest bit sweaty due to the heat outside. âYeah?â
âIâm scared that she will hate me because I just had to choose the guy who didnât want children. Iâm scared that she will feel like Iâm replacing her by getting into a relationship, I never want her to feel the way I felt growing up. Iâm scared of rejection. And yeah, Iâm scared of getting hurt. But Iâm also scared of Cadence growing too attached to whoever I end up dating and that she will get hurt if it ends as well. My dad walked out on me when I was three, I donât want her to go through losing someone close to her.â
Your raw honesty shocked Zoey. It was a rare occurrence when you would fully open up, and it never gets easier for her because each time is worse than the last. âYou will never know what happens if you donât ever try. And if you fall? Well then you wonât be alone when picking up the pieces. I think you have to understand that no matter who you are with, Cadence will end up hurting because you know better than I do, growing up without a dad sucks. But having someone there is better than not having anyone at all. Now Iâm not saying you should go jump his bones and ask his hand in marriage, Iâm simply asking you to talk to him.â
âYou donât have to be with him if you donât want to. But donât hate him because Cady had a bad night.â Zoey was right, she was always right. You knew she was and she made very viable points. It wasnât Harryâs fault that Cady asked about her dad, those questions were meant to come sooner or later, you were just hoping that you would have had more time to come up with a story.
âAunt Oey! Mommy!â You heard little footsteps running towards the dining room, a smile instantly replacing the frown that had taken over your face. Cady appeared in your view, the skirt to her dress flowing each time he took a step. Her hair was bouncing and she finally made it to you while jumping on your lap. You felt so much comfort just having her in your presence.
âHow was daycare, baby? Did you have fun?â
It was then that you noticed the small doll held in her grasp. âMhm, Uncle Danny took me to get ice cream and then we went to the store. He bought this toy, you see it mommy? Do you see it?â She asked excitedly, the doll being pushed in your face. You laughed. âI do see it, baby. Danny.â
You looked at the man behind you, he held no look of regret. âYou have got to stop spoiling my daughter. She is going to grow up and be snobby and greedy.â Cadence climbed out of your lap only to go to Zoey who picked her up with ease. âItâs not spoiling when she asks for it.â
âThat is exactly what spoiling means.â
Daniel just shrugged his shoulders with a shit eating grin on his face. He grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge before making his way over to the table where he would give a small kiss to his wifeâs temple and Cadyâs cheek. Making both girls laugh in admiration. Would it be so bad to have something like that?
âHey Zoe, do you mind watching Cady for a little while tonight? I have some things to get done at the office if Iâm going to get this promotion.â You hated asking people to watch Cady, but it was hard to get what you needed to get done with a toddler running around your office and destroying everything. She hastily nodded, almost as if she knew you were going to ask.
Before you left, you gathered the things you would need and gave Cadence a kiss on her head. Zoey had wished you luck, but Daniel pulled you to the side when you got to the front door.
âDonât do anything stupid. You can thank me later.â He spoke out while handing you a folded up piece of paper and leaving with a sly wink. You were undeniably confused until you opened it up to see what it was, thatâs when you smiled. He had caught on to what you were actually going to do.
So, with the address in hand and your bag in the other, you made your way out to your old car and drove off to the destination after putting it into your google maps. It didnât take all but ten minutes to arrive at the small condo apartment, which actually surprised you that it was an apartment at all. Sure it was on the fancier side, one that was completely opposite of the one you had, but you would think having as much money as he did, he would live in an actual house.
After finding the apartment that you needed, you softly knocked on the door and waited patiently. When no one answered, you tried knocking again but this time a little louder in hopes that he would hear you. Was he even home? Oh god, what if you came all the way over here just for him to not be home.
Before you had the chance to turn around and start making your way back to your car, the door finally opened. However the man you had expected wasnât the person standing in front of you with a sheepish smile on her face. Yeah, this was a bad idea.
âHarry is getting dressed, Iâm assuming you are here for him, yes?â Her voice was strong, she had long brown hair, and not to mention the fact that she was absolutely stunning. Something you could never compare to. âI -- uhm -- actually it was nothing, could you just tell Harry that I stopped by-â
âY/N?â
A body came walking up to the girl, his eyes wide when they landed on the girl standing on his doormat. You looked confused, maybe even a little -- hurt? Thatâs when it clicked, Harry looked at the other girl that was now standing beside him. âHarry, hi. I just wanted to talk, but I can see that it is probably a bad time for you so I will just go.â
Your words were rushed as you tried to get off of his doorstep just as fast. Except a hand reached over and grabbed your wrist, a smaller hand, a hand that belonged to the girl of the hour. âYouâve got it all wrong, darling. Iâm Gemma, Harryâs sister. Just came by to drop off some groceries and was just heading out.â The look on your face as she spoke was almost comical. If you and Harry werenât on bad terms right now, he wouldâve laughed at your possible assumption.
It was easy to assume the worst in people, especially when you donât know much about them. But come on, Harry and Gemma look alike, how could you have not pieced together the two? âGemma.â A space was left between your words. âHi -- hi Iâm Y/N, itâs nice to meet you. Iâve heard so much about you.â
âAll good things, I hope? Harry, why didnât you tell me you had a girlfriend?â Her question made your breath hitch, you could tell it had quite the effect on Harry as well as his face fell and his body froze. âSheâs not my girlfriend, and you were just heading out, remember?â He spoke through gritted teeth. He was leaning against the doorframe, his arms were crossed and his hair wet, curling at the ends. No doubt in your mind that he had just gotten out of the shower.
âRight, well then. It was lovely to meet you, I hope we can see each other again sometime.â Her voice was suggestive as she looked over at Harry. âIt was lovely to meet you as well, have a safe trip home.â And with that, Gemma walked out into the parking lot where she would start up her car and drive off. The same way you had done when you left Zoeyâs house.
A slight grunt is what pulled you out of your daze, almost forgetting where you were. You turned back around towards Harry where he was still leaning on the doorframe, however his face was a little softer than it was before. âWhat are you doing here, Y/N?â
âCan we talk? I know itâs a little overdue but I need to apologize. For the other night, it wasnât okay for me to lash out on you. And it certainly wasnât okay for me to accuse you of hurting Cady. Iâm sorry that it took so long to realize that, but can we please talk?â
Harry stared at you for a minute before sighing and moving farther into his apartment, opening his arm for you to follow him in. It was huge on the inside, just the living room was probably half the size of your whole apartment. On the walls hung a few pictures and polaroids of his family and friends, it also looked like there was a polaroid of fans at one of his concerts. Seeing that brought some warmth to your heart before you were brought back to reality.
âHow did you know where I lived?â
âDaniel gave me the address. I was going to originally message you and ask if you wanted to meet up but then he gave me a paper that had your address on it. Iâm sorry if Iâm am overstepping in any way-â
âYouâre not. Itâs okay, Iâm just confused as to why you came all this way to see me when last week you wanted nothing to do with me.â He interrupted you. You were ashamed of your actions, but at the time you really thought you were protecting Cady. âYeah, I know. Iâm sorry. I was drunk and thatâs not an excuse. But Harry, please believe me when I say I truly apologize. You donât have to forgive me, actually it may be best if you donât because then you wouldnât have to deal with the mess that makes up my life. But I am hoping that you at least hear me out. Please?â
Harry was sat on his couch and he nodded his head over to the unoccupied cushion where he was silently telling you to sit. To which you obliged. âIâm not really good at this so bare with me. The night we first met I didnât think about you actually becoming something in my life, I just thought you were going to be this random guy who talked to me because he felt bad for me. And then we got into a fight and you told me that not every guy was looking for something and that confused me. For days I kept thinking about what that could possibly mean. Was it that you werenât just looking for a quick fuck in the bathroom? Was it that you werenât looking for a friendship or even a relationship for that matter?â
âI had no clue, but then you showed up on my doorstep, kind of like I did just now. You told me that Zoey sent you over and that night was probably one of the best nights I have had in my life. I donât know how to explain it to you other than, I felt alive for the first time in such a long time. For as long as I can remember, I have been living for other people. If it wasnât for my mother, it was for Alex. Then it was for Cady when she came along. But that night, I felt like I actually had a place in my life. A place where I belonged that wasnât attached to my self absorbed parents, or my daughter. Is that selfish of me? To think that I could live my life apart from Cadence?â
He wasnât looking at you but you knew he was taking in everything you were saying. ââS not selfish. Youâre human, everyone is allowed to live their own lives. Even while being a parent.â He spoke in a delicate manner, but there was something else to it. Almost as if he wasnât actually saying everything he wanted to say.
âRight, well anyways like I was saying, you made me feel something I havenât felt in a very long time. Hell, I donât even know if I have ever felt like myself if Iâm being honest with you. And I remember going to sleep that night after you left on cloud nine. It was something I wanted to feel everyday, but I knew it wasnât going to happen. Because why would someone as perfect as you, want a girl whoâs so -- damaged?â
âI have trust issues. And I have abandonment issues. I tend to pull away when I feel like things are going great, hence the reason I snap on you every time we hang out. I donât know why I do it, and I apologize for it. The night that Cady came to me asking why you left, I immediately thought that for some reason she had burned into her skull that you were her dad. I froze and I took it out on you without even looking at the bigger picture. She wasnât implying that you were her father, she was just asking why she didnât have one because you didnât answer your phone that night. I went into strict momma bear mode and took all of my frustrations out on you.â
âI think part of it was because I wanted to give you a reason to hate me. I didnât want you to grow attached in case something bad happened. I didnât want Cadence to get attached to you in case you decided that we werenât what you wanted in the world. That we wouldnât be good enough for the world you live in. And most importantly, I, myself, didn't want to get attached because Iâve gone through a traumatic breakup before. One I didnât know if I could come back from. I promised myself that I would never put myself in that position ever again. In a sense, I felt like I was protecting all of us.â
You took a break to breathe for a moment, surprisingly there were no tears welling up in your eyes. Itâs like opening up to Harry was what you were put on this earth to do. âYou donât have to protect me, Y/N. Iâm more than capable of doing that myself, and I see where youâre coming from, I do. I just wish that you wouldnât focus on the bad outcome all of the time. If you hadnât, then you would see that I am in this one hundred and ten percent. I have been falling for you since the first time I saw you. Do you remember that?â He asked quietly, his own confessions filling the air.
âOf course I remember it, Harry. I was literally just talking about it-â
Harry interrupted you again, âno, not the wedding. âM talking about before that. Zoey threw a Christmas party and you were there. You wore a red dress and little to no make up on. Cady wasnât there with you, I have no clue where she was but it looked like you were having the best time of your life. I remember the first time we caught eyes with each other. I was at the bar and you were standing with Zoey and one of her friends by the dessert table and you just gave me this beautiful smile. I couldnât get enough of it. I never worked my way up to talking to you that night.â
âI saw you again in March of this year. You were walking into the daycare with Cady and I was across the street at some random flower cart. At the time I still thought that she was your sister, and I remember thinking she was just the cutest baby I have ever seen. I stayed at the flower cart for a good five minutes just watching you through the window, creepy I know. But I couldnât help it. You were playing with Cady when you first set her down in the room, probably just letting her warm up to the place before you left. And when you did leave, you left with giving her a quick kiss and dropping her diaper bag off with the person working there. The guy working at the cart had given me a free bouquet of flowers if I promised him to give them to you. However I didnât even know who you were so I told Zoey to give them to her cute brunette friend with the freckles.â
You had remembered that day because Zoey did in fact give them to you when you stopped by her house. All she told you was that one of Danielâs friends wanted you to have them. You went home that night and stuck them in a vase full of water, the flowers died a week later. You didnât know much about flowers because no one had ever gotten you any, but that night you searched it up in attempts to find out what they were. Only to find out that they were popular for weddings; white and light pink dahlias. After that day they had become your new found favorite, always going to the florist to buy more.
âThe last time I saw you was at Nickâs Coffee Shop, I was in there having some tea and reading the morning newspaper, as an old man does, and you walked in with a long yellow dress on. Your hair was in a french braid and instead of heels you went for some natural hightops. It was the morning of the wedding, you got an iced coffee to go but before you left, you locked eyes with mine and smiled before walking out. I didnât know you were going to be at the wedding, I didnât know when I would be able to see you again. If I would ever see you again. So, I ran to the only person I knew -- Daniel.â
âHe was still at the house getting his suit ready when I barged in. I kept talking about how there was this girl, she was the prettiest I had ever seen. I wanted to get to know her but all I knew was that you knew Zoey, so if you knew Zoey then you had to know Daniel, but he didnât know who I was talking about. Thatâs the reason he was late, I held him up at his house while we completely lost track of time; talking about you.â
âWhen I saw you down the aisle with Zoey, I felt a huge rush of relief fly over me. This was my chance to finally ask the pretty girl out, I wasnât going to give that up. Y/N, I know you think that just because you have a baby that it means no one wants to be with you, but I want you to know that thatâs not the case with me. I wouldnât have fought so hard the other night if I didnât want you. The reason I didnât answer the phone was because I was with Danny figuring out a way to apologize to you for ignoring you. I wanted to give you space so you could figure out what you wanted, just because I grew feelings for you doesnât mean that I would automatically force you to be with me.â
âAll Iâm asking is that you donât lead me on to believe that I have a chance when in reality, I might not be what you want. Because it would crush me if I have to give you and Cadence up after already growing so attached. So, take as long as you need to figure out what you want. Okay?â
The words he spoke ricocheted through your mind and you didnât know how to process it. You had no recollection of ever meeting Harry before the night of the reception, but then again you also werenât really looking either. But he was, he had sent you flowers without ever knowing your name. He had noticed you when doing the smallest of tasks like dropping your daughter off at daycare. He had taken a keen interest in you and yet after all of this time, heâs still here. After all you have put him through. Harry is still here. He was right in front of you, wrapped up in the complication of your heart, you didnât need to think about anything.
âI wouldnât dream of ever leading you on. Itâs going to take some time for me to be fully ready, but I donât want to spend another second thinking about what could be. Letâs just start by getting to know each other and move up from there because I believe that we can be extraordinary together rather than ordinary apart. Iâm willing to do this, but we have to go slow. And Harry?â
âYeah?â
âI donât want to bring Cady into this until our intentions are clear, okay? Itâs not that I donât believe you when you say you care for us, I just want to make sure that she doesnât get hurt if either one of us decides that we aren't what we want.â
Harry gently grabbed your fiddling hands and squeezed them in his own. âWe take this however slow, however far you want. Iâm here. And I will stand by your wishes because at the end of the day, all that matters are you and her. I will do whatever it takes to make you mine. I will go through extraordinary measures to make you see my commitment to you and to Cadence. If I donât get to see her for the first few months, even years, so be it. Because I want you, I want all of you, forever, you and me, everyday.â
You were smiling like a complete idiot. The slight emptiness you felt waking up this morning finally filled with the desire you have so desperately been craving for.
âThe Notebook, classy.â You said out loud with a small laugh following behind it. Harry laughed along with you, his dimples showing making you go absolutely insane.
âMeredith Grey, even classier.â
And as if you were living in your own little fairytale, Harry moved his hand to stroke your cheek before finally leaning in and pressing his lips to yours for a long awaited second kiss.
--
This was probably the longest chapter I have taken the time to write. When I said that I didn't know what direction I wanted to take this story in, I wasn't kidding. But now I have the slightest idea and this will probably be one of the last chapters. I hope you are enjoying their journey so far, and the journey for what's yet to come. I've been thinking about writing post-op smaller chapters -- like blurbs I guess -- to show you their lives. I don't know, it's hard to know that this is ending and I don't want to give up Cadence. If you have any requests you would like me to make, I have a link in my description where you can let me know. Thank you for following me in reading My Girl, and I will see you for the final chapter on Monday.
{New GIF because I couldnât find the original one:)}
Pairings: Harry Styles x Reader
Genre: Fluff and some angst
Warnings: Angst and minor talk of emotional abuse
Word Count: 6.3k
It was crowded. People coming towards you, people walking around you, hugs being gifted, and tears being shed. The airport was not your favorite place to be, the thought of sending someone off in such a death trap was sickening to you. But you werenât sending anyone, anywhere. You were getting someone back.
In a matter of minutes, the plane will land and you will finally be back in the arms of your best friend after two excruciatingly long weeks, right where youâre meant to be.
Cadence was being held up with your left arm, your phone and wallet in your right hand. She was excited for two reasons. The first being that she would finally be ruined with her aunt oey, as she would say, it was the cutest thing because she cannot pronounce her Zâs properly. And two being that she picked her outfit all on her own, it was nothing more than a black and white striped dress, but it still brought tears to your eyes. Soon she wonât need your help with getting dressed or washing her hands. She could already feed herself and you didnât want to think about her not needing you anymore.
Where did your little girl go?
âCady!â
âOey!â
Cadence wiggled out of your grasp as she ran -- more like toddled -- her way to where Zoey was waiting for her with open arms so she could pick her up and coddle her in kisses. Daniel was a mere five feet behind handling all of their bags, of course Zoey wouldnât carry her own bag.
âI missed you Oey, please donât leave me again.â Zoey let out an awe in the form of a laugh at your daughterâs precious words. âNever again, Cady. How was mommy, was she being good while we were gone?â
âHey, Iâm standing right here?!â You cut in, she just got back and she was already slandering you? How was that fair? Instead you walked your way to Daniel and gave him a side hug and an Iâm glad youâre back. âSo, how was it? Am I finally going to be an aunt? Iâm sure Cadence would just love a new baby cousin!â With that Zoey and Daniel both laughed.
âIâm working on it.â
âHe wishes.â
They both let out at the same time, it only made you laugh harder. As much as Zoey loved and cared for Cady, she wasnât ready to be a mom. It could be that she still has PTSD from the car accident, sheâs scared that itâll happen again but she has bad luck, so she wouldnât get as lucky as you. You understood, to be quite honest, you didnât even know if you wanted another kid because of how bad Cadenceâs birth went.
âNo, but it was amazing. The scenery and the people, it was all a wonderful experience. We will have to take you and Cady there sometime.â You laughed at that, obviously Zoey knew why -- you had it burned into your brain that you could never afford something like that, which you couldnât -- but she couldnât understand why you wonât let anyone give you such beautiful experiences. It was a lot to ask of someone, she knew you would never go to such extreme measures.
âIâm glad you had fun, but Iâm pretty sure someone promised my child ice cream if we came to pick you up.â Daniel gave you a look of fake guilt, he wouldnât apologize for promising Cadence a treat, especially having been sick all week. But he had thanked you almost a million times, he really did hate taking a taxi. They always smelled weird and there were creepy guys as drivers.
Cadence let out a joyful cheer, and off you went to your local Dairy Queen.
--------
âSo he didnât call you back?â
You donât know how the topic had gone from a random dream you had to the time that Harry hadnât called back, but here you are. âItâs only been two days, Zoe, heâs probably busy.â You had given yourself the same exact excuse, over and over and over again, but each time you said it, it never seemed to help your nerves.
âI just donât know how he could go from gushing about you over the phone to leaving you in the dust. I mean have you tried texting him?â Flashbacks of last night played through your mind on repeat like your life was a broken record and it just kept going around and around.
----
âMommy, when is Harry going to come back?â
The question struck your nerves, making you freeze on the spot. The two of you were cuddling on your beat up, old couch watching reruns of Bubble Guppies. Guilt written all over your features, she couldnât see nor understand it which you were thankful for.
âI donât know, baby. Why donât we try to call him, see if he wants to come over and watch a movie, yeah?â
Cady let out a squeal, you were only hoping that he would finally answer his phone. You had messaged him a few times this morning and only just now realized the small âreadâ sign at the bottom of the messages.
From Y/N: Hey, Harry! Iâm sorry about yesterday, I donât know if you got my voicemail but we found out what was wrong with her. If you have time, please call me back.
From Y/N: Also Cady misses the crap out of you, I donât know what you did but you sure have her wrapped around your finger. :)
From Y/N: Okay, I can read in between the lines. I wonât bother you again, Iâm sorry.
Read at 3:13pm
It was like a punch to the gut, really. You had said that you werenât going to bother him, and yet here you are promising Cady that you could call him? Who knows, maybe if itâs her thatâs calling, he will pick up the phone.
âWe can watch Punzel! And we can sing, mommy can we call him, please.â Her eyes wide and full of hope, and you were just edging her on to get her heart broken again. But there was no way you could say no to her drawn out please and the puppy dog face. So reluctantly, you hit the call button and waited for the inevitable five rings before it went to voicemail.
Except they never came, the voicemail box came, but the rings hadnât. Harry had blocked you and now you had to explain to a two year old that she couldnât see her friend because her mother had messed it all up.
âWhy didnât he answer?â
âHeâs probably busy, baby. How about I go make some popcorn and grab the chocolate syrup, and you and I can watch punzel. How does that sound?â
âDoes Harry not like me anymore, mommy?â
âNo of course not, baby. Harry likes you! Why would you think that?â
Your heart was hurting more and more, but what came next broke you to pieces.
âHe left me the day I got my tummy looked at and now he wonât answer the phone. Chelsea at daycare has a daddy, why donât I? Am I not good enough for him? Did I do something wrong? If I did tell him Iâll fix it, I promise.â
âHarry isnât your daddy, baby.âÂ
âThen who is, and why isnât he with me? Harryâs the only boy who watches princesses with me thatâs not Uncle Danny. Am I bad mommy?Â
You couldnât believe what was coming out of her mouth. You couldnât understand the pain she must have felt when watching Harry walk out the door.Â
âCadence, you are the best. And Harry only met you twice, so he doesnât know what heâs missing out on.â
----
Remembering the events of last night had you fuming, but also had you silently hurting. Had you not opened yourself up to some random guy at a wedding, your daughter wouldnât be feeling this worthless. Had you not let them meet until you knew that he was what you wanted, she wouldnât be feeling hopeless. Had you just given her to Delilah and Phinean, she wouldnât be wondering why she doesnât have a dad like the other kids in her class.
You felt this extreme urge to cry, you scream and to throw the fancy glass cup of water you held in your hand, to rip your hair out and fall apart on the sacred grounds of your bathroom floor. But you couldnât do any of that because you sat on the back patio of the Green household while your daughter, the most worthy and selfless child you know, plays on the playset that was made for whenever you guys came over. So you settled on the tears coating behind your eyes, threatening to spill over and let all of what you are trying to hide out.
âYeah, I messaged him. But I donât need him, okay? I donât need anyone, I have you guys, I have Liz, and I have Cady. Youâre all Iâm ever going to need so for the love of god, can we please stop talking about Harry.â You snapped, you hadnât meant to, but you also knew that you couldnât hold back every emotion.
Daniel gave you a sympathetic look and Zoey looked shocked at your outburst. Just a few days ago Harry had called her and basically confessed how much he liked you. What happened in those two days to make you suddenly change your mind? She hated seeing you so torn up, although you tried to hide it, Zoey could read you like the back of her hand.
She saw the sudden glossiness over your eyes.
She saw your change in demeanor.
She saw the slight wobble of your chin as it took you a mere two minutes to answer her question.
Zoey saw it all, and she wasnât about to let it go without getting to the bottom of what is so desperately hurting you.
âHey babe? Can you go make sure Cady is okay and having fun? I need to talk to Y/N.â One last glance from Daniel and he was off to play with the girl who could make all of this better. You knew you couldn't get out of this, but how could you possibly explain to her that one lousy sentence that hadnât been meant of anything, made you feel so useless? âWhatâs going on, love? Itâs just you and I now, talk to me.â
âCads asked about her dad last night. She was wondering why Harry wasnât around and she thought it was her fault! She thought -- she claimed that she wasnât good enough for any male person in her life because everyone leaves her.â The more you spoke, the more you cried. You had really tried to keep in the tears, truly, but after saying the words Cads and dad in the same sentence, you broke down.
Zoey knew how hard the topic was, she knew how much Alex meant to you, and she knew how distraught you were once he left. Alexander O'Neill had been the love of your life, you were together for three years before you got pregnant. The both of you planned to have a future together, however when the future didnât go to his acord he ran. Your head was in your hands and Zoey got down onto the concrete and in between your legs, staring up into your watery colored eyes after she moved your hands away.
âHey, look at me. Y/N, look at me. Donât do this, donât blame yourself for any of this, and donât say that you arenât because I can see it in your eyes. Cadence has people, she has Danny and she has Arttie, sure she doesnât have a dad and maybe Harry wasnât the right guy for you, but you canât put this on yourself. You and I both know she is more than enough, and it is our job to make sure that she knows that. Okay?â Her hands were wiping the tears off of your face, her knees were starting to hurt from all of the little rocks being pushed against her skin, but she could hardly care because the only thing that was on her mind was you.
âShe is going to grow up and she is going to ask more questions about him, and all you can do is tell her the truth. This conversation; itâs inevitable, but how you choose to go about it is all up to you. You can victimize him and say that he wasnât ready to be a dad, or you can let her in on the abusive asshole he really is. He doesnât deserve her, Y/N, heâd do the same thing to her that he did to you. Thatâs not the lifestyle she should have to live.â
âWhat if I donât deserve her?â You croaked out. You knew that whatever she was saying was the most honest she could get. Alex never hit you but he was so possessive and manipulative, you let him belittle you to the core. Cadence didnât deserve that. She also didnât deserve a trashy two bedroom apartment on the cheap and not so great part of town. Sure you tried your best, but what if your best wasnât good enough for her to live her happiest life?
âDonât even go there, that baby adores the ground you walk on! I donât ever want to hear you say that shit again, you deserve her most! I mean, you gotta believe that.â Her tears were evident, not falling but could definitely be seen. You didnât know why she felt the need to cry, but you couldnât comprehend anything at the moment. So instead you watched as Cadence ran around her little play set -- a tiara in her hair and a magic princess wand in her hand -- chasing Daniel around claiming heâs her frog.
--
Later that night when Cadence went to sleep, you opted for a glass of wine, something you wouldnât normally tend to as you hated the way any and all alcohol tastes. You were out on your balcony, your wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other, just thinking about how today couldâve gone so much better.
After your little talk with Zoey, Daniel and Cady came over -- Cady noticing the tears on your face and proclaimed a massive group hug. She was so smart for a two year old, it blew your mind and made you wonder if she was yours at all. Then you would look into her eyes and see yours shining back at you. She definitely had features of her father, like her nose and her blonde hair, but she was like you in so many ways that you couldnât quite comprehend.
If you had the option, you would go back and do today all over again. There would be no tears, there would be no what ifâs, all there would be is laughter and joy of having your best friend back home. However, life doesnât work like that and you have to live with the fact that you let your insecurities show.
You were a good mother, you know that, raising a child alone is a really hard thing to do, and yet here you are. There was no exceeding in raising a kid, but their accomplishments are your accomplishments because you got the privilege to raise them. When Cady first started to walk, you wouldnât stop gushing about it to your coworkers. And when she started to talk, it was an even bigger accomplishment in your eyes so you threw a little party for her. She was your golden girl and yet you still felt like you were failing her.
The next morning -- Tuesday, one of your worst -- was pretty hectic. You and Cadence woke up later than you were supposed to, so instead of taking a shower you had to use dry shampoo and a lot of deodorant. Instead of cooking breakfast you guys drove through the Starbucks drive through and got Cady her breakfast sandwich -- and a cake pop because she asked super nicely -- and an iced coffee for yourself.
The daycare had no time limit on when she had to be there, but you were definitely late for work. Being a week off had really thrown off your game, or so your boss says, but she was happy to have you back. When you walked in, you saw your coworkers Avery and Brim awaiting your arrival.
Brim was short -- 4â11 to be exact -- she had colorful hair and tattoos for days. She was your closest friend at the office, having only been there a month longer than you were. Avery got there two years ago, she was short as well but not nearly as short as Brim was. They were only your office friends, not really caring about what goes on outside the office, no matter how hard they tried to get you to go out with them.
âWould you look at that, she makes an appearance.â Brim joked out. She had a smirk on her face and her hands were holding a cup of coffee. How could someone smaller than you, intimidate you more than one that is taller than you? âHa ha, very funny. My daughter was sick, I couldnât just leave her to the wolves for a whole week.â You sat down at your desk, which is coincidentally right across from Brimâs and down the row from Averyâs. There weren't many people working in the office, it was a relatively small company, but it was what brought in your paychecks so there were no complaints.
âHowâs she doing? Youâre not a very social person so I couldnât stalk your social media.â Avery was one for twitter and instagram, you however didnât really know anything about the platforms. Sure you would post some pictures of you and Cadence, or one with your friends but youâve never been one to share personal information.
âSheâs doing better now, her uncle just got back into town yesterday and heâs like her favorite person in the world so sheâs over the moon. How are you guys, itâs been forever?â You asked while signing into your computer. On your desk was a small picture frame that held a picture of you and Cadence at the park. She was only a year old at the time, she was in your arms and you were just laughing at her while she waved her arms in the air. It was a little bit blurry but that just brings out the natural side of the photograph. There was another one from her first birthday party, she had cake all over her face, and she was not impressed.
âI heard Ayden was stepping down from his management position, so if I get lucky he might name me as a person of interest!â Brim spoke excitedly, you nearly spit your coffee out. Ayden stepping down from management? That was unheard of.
âBrim, you canât use your fuck buddy to get ahead of everyone else. If anyone is going to get his job, itâll be Y/N.â
âWoah, who said I even want the management job? I have a child, ya know? I would like to spend as much time with her as I possibly can before she starts hating me for random teenage shit.â Your computer was now on but you were facing the two girls. Brim pointed at you with a knowing look as if she was saying, see!
âDude, sheâs like two. You donât have to worry about that for another thirteen years!â The thought was tempting, really it was. You would get paid two times as much as you are right now, but then youâd also have to work more. Go to meetings, create data analysis charts on how to make the company better, branding deals. You would do the work if you could, but nobody wants a single mother of a toddler as their manager. Your time isnât as lenient as it once was. Plus, would it really be worth it to lose your friend over a position?
âI donât know. I would love the job, really. But Brim, you seem to have your heart set on it.â Her face softened the tiniest bit, which confused you because Brim was not known to be a softie in the office.
âI guess weâll just see. Iâm going to get both of us an application and whoever they feel is more qualified will obviously get the job, deal?â
You were weary of this proposition but alas you agreed.
âDeal, but you have to promise me that it will not change or ruin our friendship.â
âI promise, grandma.â
Both you and brim used one set of arms to lock pinkies with each other while the others lock into a firm handshake. Your arms forming a cross, one on top of the other.
--
âAlright, so I have a question for you and you can feel free to turn it down but I really hope you hear me out.â You and Cadence were back at Zoeyâs house, you go there a lot because you have nothing better to do and as you said, Daniel is Cadyâs favorite person. âOh dear god, Zoey, what is it?â
âYour birthday is tomorrow, I was just wondering if we could throw you a party here tomorrow? I know you say that your birthday is just another day of the year, but in reality itâs so much more than that. So let us do this for you. Please, please, please--â You couldnât sit there and listen to her beg you over and over again so you said yes, no questions asked.
You really didnât like your birthday, mainly because every year your mother would complain rather than celebrate the day she gave birth to her child. Â It wasnât something you found important, now for Cady it wasnât just a normal day. Even though you didnât go through it the proper way, that was still the day you became a mother. And the months following that -- the day that she got out of the hospital -- you would throw another party just because.
âFine, but it canât be big. You know how I am around people I donât know.â
âObviously. Now letâs talk colors. I was thinking blue but your favorite color is yellow so what if we do a mix of both?â
Zoey rambled on for the next ten minutes about the color scheme she was going to do, occasionally you would let out a simple mhm or yeah just so she would know youâre âpaying attentionâ. Cadence and Daniel had built a huge blanket fort covering the entirety of the living room, he would make an amazing dad you thought.
âHello? Y/N are you even listening to me?â
Snapping out of your haze, you saw Zoey snapping her manicured nails in front of your face. âHm? Yeah -- yeah I was, I just kind of zoned out for a second. What was it that you were saying?â Her questioning gaze now faced back at you.
âCan we invite Harry?â
âNo, no way. Iâm not letting him back in when Cady just stopped talking about him.â
âY/N, heâs Daniel's best friend. Youâre my best friend--â
âItâs my birthday.â You tried to fight back, but Zoey was two steps ahead of you. It didnât matter if Harry was Danielâs best friend, if she wanted to throw this party for you then there will absolutely be no-
âHarry? Mommy is Harry coming over?â
Shit.
âNo.â
âYes, Iâm calling him right now.â
As if your day couldnât get any worse, Zoey goes and does this. Goes against your wishes and does whatever she wants, but itâs not like you can opt out now because now Cadence is jumping up and down -- her princess nightgown flowing with the wind -- her squeals being heard from miles away.
Ringing and cheers of joy were the only sounds heard as Zoey hit the call button. You couldnât find yourself to hate her, but you certainly didnât like her at the moment. When the ringing stopped, you thought that it had just gone to voicemail like all of your calls to him. But a few seconds later you heard the familiar voice speak through the phone.
âHello?â
âHarry, hey! Itâs Zoey.â
âIâm aware, I have caller ID. Why are you calling me, itâs almost eleven?â
You couldnât hear anything over the ringing in your ears, this just goes to show that he wants nothing more to do with you. And thatâs fine, you have Cadence.
âHi Harry! Wait, Harry canât hear us?â Cady ran over and grabbed the phone, her Harry coming out more as âHawwyâ, due to her lack of Râs. She also didnât know how phone calls worked, that is something that she would also say on the phone with Zoey, except the only difference now is itâs Harry's name coming out of her mouth. âHarry can hear us.â
âCadence? Zoey, is Y/N over there?â He sounded frantic, almost like he actually wanted to know. But you knew he didnât, he was probably only asking so he could hurry off the phone.
âYes but thatâs not why I called, tomorrow we are having a little party and we would just love for you to attend.â
âA party for what? Iâm in the studio all day tomorrow, what time is it?â
âItâs mommyâs birthday tomorrow, right mommy?â Her attentioned turned towards you, you heard shuffling on the other end of the phone, not a care in the world what heâs doing. âYeah baby, itâs mommyâs birthday -- It starts at eight, feel free to be late, okay bye!â Zoey cut you off right as you were about to say that he didnât have to show. But youâre not the only one who had to say something before the line dropped dead.
âNo, wait Zoey!â Harry spoke out, but Zoey was faster than words.
âHow exactly do you plan to throw a party in--â You took a second to check the time on your phone -- 11:34 -- the word âinâ being dragged out. âNineteen hours?â
âOh Y/N, poor, simple, naive Y/N. You underestimate me, my love.â She answered, another one of her signature smirks hidden poorly on her face.
And boy was she right about that. The next day at exactly eight-twenty-three, stood over a hundred people in the backyard of Zoeyâs house. It was overwhelming to say the least. Blasts of neon yellow and light blue illuminated the gates of her huge yard. It was a neon âglow in the darkâ party, as Zoey called it. As soon as you walked in she splattered glow in the dark paint all over your only dress, to which you complained about.
âLighten up a little, youâre twenty-five now! Iâll buy you a new one if it makes you happy, but let loose. My momâs got Cady tonight so youâre allowed to have a little fun!â She had to scream over the music, it wasnât the ideal way to spend your birthday -- youâd much rather be cuddled up with Cadence and watching Rapunzel -- but she was right. You did have to loosen up, and even though you hated the taste of alcohol, that is exactly what you needed to get through this night.
You made your way to the open bar on the right side of the yard, a bartender who doesnât look that much older than you -- and quite stunning if you had to say -- smiled your way. âCan I get a vodka cranberry? Seems totally appropriate for the scene, donât you think?â Â
The bartender laughed and shook his head before he turned around and made the drink before replying. âI would go for something a little bit stronger, a girl like you seems like the straight tequila type.â
âA girl like me, huh? And how do you get off on knowing what kind of girl I am?â You werenât sure where the confidence came from, you were ever good when it came to social interaction.
âA twenty something year old girl attends a party and is looking for a stronger drink than vodka so she can forget everything. The past, the present, the overthinking of the future, but sheâs too scared because she might do something completely irrational and out of character and she doesnât want to have to face the embarrassment. Am I close?â
Your eyes were wide and lips were parted. The drink you had ordered was slid across the bar but wasnât there for long when you downed the whole thing. Truth is, he was right. So right that the next words out of your mouth were;
âAlright then hotshot, get me a shot of tequila. But you should know that Iâve already lived my early twenties and am now stuck in the middle.â
Before you know it, salt and a slice of lime is being passed your way with the shot coming right after it. A heavy smirk plastered on his face as he watched the process you took. Shot first, salt next, lime last. Totally out of order.
âYou took the shot first, you know itâs supposed to be the salt first, right?â The unnamed guy laughed out. Seriously, you were there about ten minutes and you still have yet to learn his name? âIâve learned a lot of things in my days, one of them being that I hate tequila. So, if I do the shot first, the worst part will go down before I get the aftertaste of salt and lime.â
âYou are one strange girl, lemme tell ya. Iâm Austin.â Ah, thereâs the name. Without even asking another drink was placed in front of you, however it was something you werenât aware of nor did you ask for it. However you didnât question it too much because you were actually enjoying the presence of another person that wasnât Zoey or Daniel.
âSo how do you know the birthday girl then?â He asked, his eyebrows furrowed and elbows sitting on the counter.
âOh, itâs a funny story actually. We grew up together, did absolutely everything we possibly could together, then when we went off to college we kind of lost touch with each other until a year ago. Now that I think about it, itâs not really funny but thatâs the story of my life.â You werenât completely lying, but that was a story for another time. Right now all you wanted to do was let loose and have a decent night.
That decent night didnât last for long though because not even an hour later you saw his tall figure eyeing you from the corner of the back yard. But you couldnât care less because right now you were dancing it out with a once in a lifetime, drunk Zoey, and you were having fun. You were also slightly on the more drunk side, and by slightly I mean completely trashed. The tequila and five -- six other drinks you had were really taking a number on you.
It wasnât until you started dancing with this guy thatâs had his eye on you all night that you finally felt his presence beside you. âY/N, can we talk?â His voice was deep and raspy, he almost sounded angry? He couldnât be angry with you, not when he blocked you and refused to talk to you all because you got defensive over your daughter.
âIâm kind of busy right now.â You replied bluntly, clearly not in the mood to deal with whatever shit he wants to put you through. When Harry grabbed onto the small of your wrist, thatâs when you snapped. Not vocally but physically. First you started off with throwing the rest of your drink in his face and then forcefully grabbed his hand, throwing it off of you.
Now having nothing, you walked back to the bar where you were greeted with two smiling boys. Daniel and Austin.
âHey, thereâs the birthday girl! You having fun out there, you look like youâre having fun?â Daniel was sitting facing the other chairs, his right arm was leaning on the bar holding his drink to his smiling mouth, and his left one resting on his knee. Austin looked at you surprised.
âBirthday girl, huh? Now why would a girl like you lie to a guy like me?â Austin let out a fake pout while also bringing back the girl like you nonsense. Except this time, you werenât in the mood. âWhatâs a guy like you asking a girl like me such personal questions. And no, Iâm not having fun, not anymore. Tell your little boyfriend to leave me alone, I have no desire to talk to him. Can I get another Vodka Cranberry?â
Daniel looked around confused for a moment until he saw what you were talking about -- or more precisely, who you were talking about. He knew that you and Harry had your issues, but part of him thought that the two of you would resolve whatever feud was going on because if what Zoey had told him was true, you guys had what she called chemistry.
âY/N, if you would just hear the man out.â
âFor what, Daniel? For him to blow up on me because I said he had no relations to my kid or so he could give me this sappy speech on how he âaccidentally deleted my numberâ and try and victimize himself because neither sound too-â
âSo he could apologize, for real.â You were cut off before you had the chance to finish your sentence. Spinning around on your heel -- and nearly tripping over your feet, that only led to Harry putting his hands on your hips to balance you -- you looked up at the man in front of you. Standing tall in all of his stupid glory, you quickly pushed his hands off of your hips and tried to walk around him. This time going out of the gate and into the driveway.
âLook, I know it looks bad, okay? But you have to believe me when I say it really isnât what you think happened.â
âOh so you didnât leave me to read after I tried to apologize to you? You didnât decline every single one of my phone calls? You didnât leave me -- leave us -- after you said that you wouldnât! Because to me Harry, it seems like you did just fucking that!â You shouted at him, his eyes were burning into yours and you couldnât help but look away. Honestly, you didnât know why you got this worked up over him, youâve only met a few times and one of those times you happened to kiss.
âOkay yes, I did, but I was upset okay? And I had no reason to be upset.â
âNo, you didnât because it was my mess to deal with and you just showed up and ruined everything!â It seems like the more you talk to this man, the more your emotions get the better of you because tears were edging close to your eyes.
âI didnât even do anything!â
âYou hurt her, Harry! She thought you left her, she felt fucking worthless and less than what she is because you walked out on her! She adored you Harry and you shut her out.â
Harry was confused, who had he hurt?
âWho are you talking about, huh? I havenât spoken to anyone other than you and Zoey, and surely it wasnât Zoey because sheâs the one that invited me here. So tell me Y/N, who the fuck did I hurt because to me it just sounds like youâre making up lame excuses to make yourself feel better.â
You were taken aback at this statement. His demeanor was nothing short of pissed, you had exceeded past his breaking point and you could feel it. He forgot about her. She was the reason that you had this fight -- not really because of her but because of your protection towards her -- and he forgot about her.
âWho do you think, asshole? Cadence. She asked me the other night what she did that was so wrong that you had to go and leave her. She thought that she was the one that did something wrong. I sat with her for hours, hours Hary trying to explain to her that she didnât do anything wrong. That you didnât hate her, but itâs hard to inform a two year old that the guy she wanted around forever was no longer going to be in her life because he did the one thing he promised not to do. The night on the balcony, after we kissed you vowed to not leave us. I said it was inevitable for the pain to come and that the only thing I didnât want was Cady to get the low blow end of it all. And you promised that you could never even think of hurting Cady in the way I have hurt, but you did Harry. And I can't forgive that. So take your stupid apologies elsewhere because Iâm done.â
The tears that were once brimming your eyes, now leaked down your face and your voice was soft. Almost too soft and you didnât think he heard any of it. But he did, and he couldnât feel anymore of a jackass than he does at this very moment. The party was long forgotten and all of his attention was struck on your hurt figure, hurting him in the process. The past few days Harry was working on finding out what his true feelings were for you, he hadnât meant this for to happen.
It wasnât supposed to happen. He was going to come here tonight, apologize and try and earn your forgiveness, then he was going to ask you out. He was going to take Zoeyâs advice and woo you. But in the process of it all, he hurt one little girl who least deserves it. And for that, Harry couldnât blame you, he wouldnât forgive himself either.
So instead of ending the night with a victory kiss to the girl heâs fallen head over heels for, it ended with watching her walk her way into the dead of the night so she could get to Lizâs house that was just down the street. His heart going a million miles a minute, tracing for any possibility to make her forgive him. But all that was forgotten when he felt the hand of Daniel lead him back inside.
Was there a way to fix this? He thought.
But what he didnât know was that two houses down, curled up on the king side bed in the guest room, Cadence sleeping next to her -- Y/N was thinking the same thing.
Genre: Fluff and some angst (If you can even call it angst, I donât really find it all that upsetting.)Â
Warnings: Mention of heart problems, some angst
Word Count: 3.8k
One phone call. Thatâs all it takes to turn your whole world upside down. Those five rings -- twenty five seconds that are usually cut off by the click of that powerful green button -- the initial fear of seeing the name Dr. Petito as it shows up on your phone. The apprehension and pure terror that kicks into motion when she wants to schedule a chest x-ray for your two year old daughter. Clearly there was more wrong than just nutrients problems.
It had now officially been three days since your last visit with the doctor, and to say each passing second was filled with overthinking is undeniably an understatement. Cady and her RSV have been getting better with the medicine, however she is still getting sick throughout the night so sleep really isnât a thing in your book at the moment. When you got the call you had nearly missed it as you were giving Cady her usual nighttime routine. I mean, who calls at seven-thirty in the evening anyways? Clearly urgent care wasnât open at that time, so that only means Dr. Petito called you on her own accord.
There was no way to tell what exactly a chest x-ray and an ultrasound could mean because you were no doctor. You didnât know about the human body and how it functioned, how could you? You studied business in your community college not go to nursing school. The news didnât settle well to say the least. But you had Cady to help get you through it, thatâs how you ended up in the waiting room at the doctorâs office.
Cady was playing a puppy game she recently found interest in on her tablet that she got for her second birthday. It was Zoeyâs doing, she wanted to be cooler than you so she opted for an iPad that you had no say in. You however -- you were a nervous wreck. Your left leg bouncing rapidly against the floor, your foot creating tapping sounds that echoed across that room that you felt were probably getting annoying right about now. Cady has her unoccupied hand clasped with yours, she felt it was more relaxing to let you know that she was right there. Her words exactly.
What you hadnât expected though was a frantic Harry making his way into the front door. His hair was heavily disheveled, eyes wide and breath unsteady, almost as if he had just finished running a marathon. âWhatâs wrong, is she okay? What happened?â Even though you were still really confused as to why he was here, his concern definitely warmed your heart and it made you less anxious now that he was here. And you could tell that his presence was accepted with Cadence as well because when she heard his voice she squealed and ran into his arms after having set her iPad down.
Instantly he picked her up in his arms and let out a âhey princess, how are you?â slightly moving a piece of fallen hair out of her face. It was by far the cutest interaction you had ever seen. âShe needs an ultrasound and a chest x-ray, something about her heart. I donât exactly know all of the details yet. What are you -- how did you know we were here?â The question filled the air as he took the seat beside you, Cady still in his lap but her game now back in her hands. âWas on the phone with Danny and heard Zoey talking to him about it, except I didnât hear anything past the part where she was back here. I kinda freaked out and here I am.â
âYou were worried? Why, youâve only known us for nearly two weeks? Not to mention you had only just formally met her the other day. Iâm not saying itâs a bad thing you're here, Iâm actually quite glad you are, I donât know if I couldâve handled doing this alone, Iâm just confused.â You spoke out, quite embarrassed because you knew you couldnât take any of that back knowing how rude that mustâve sounded. âIâm sorry, shouldnât have said it like that, itâs just -- no one has ever cared about her like this other than the people that were there the time she was born. I guess it surprised me seeing you walking through the door, but I really am glad that you are here. I genuinely thought I was going to break down.â
âHey, as long as Iâm here, you wonât ever have to go through anything alone. I donât care if itâs only been a week, hell I wouldnât care if it was only a day, there is something about you that draws me towards you. I donât know why either, but itâs like I want to be around you all the time. I truly want to get to know you. And Cadence? Sheâs special and I adore her so much. Iâm sorry if I made you uncomfortable coming here today, but I want you to know that Iâm here for you and for her. If youâll let me, of course.â Harryâs eyes were locked on yours, an expression of plead. You didnât know what it meant but hearing him say that brought a smile to your face and your eyes to gloss over just the slightest bit.
âYou didnât make me uncomfortable, Harry. And I can assure you that Cadence adores you as well, just look at her, sheâs the most relaxed she has been in the last week.â You spoke while pointing at your daughter, who by the way is paying neither of you any attention. Harry smiled as well when he looked over her shoulder and seeing her concentrated face. He was just as confused as you were when it came to why he cared so much, it has only been a week and yet he had already kissed you and managed to grow full with the presence of you and your child. It was something he wouldnât mind holding onto for a while, even if it was only in a friendly manner. âCadence? My name is Heather. I'm going to be your nurse today. Please follow me.â The nurse pulled him out of his trance.
Harry stood up with Cady still in his arms and followed both you and the nurse back to the room she would be sitting in. It was painted like the ocean on one of the walls while the others were plain white. Different fish and plants swarmed the two shades of blue. They even managed to add bubbles that looked fairly realistic. âAlright Cadence, Iâm just going to check your temperature and take your vitals, okay?â When Harry tried setting Cady down on the examination table she tightened her grip around his neck and torso, basically forbidding him from letting go. Something she always did with you when you would take her to the hospital, but Harry didnât know that.
You extended your arms out forward to grab ahold of her, but of course, Harry had dismissed your attempts and claimed all was good while he sat himself down on the table, Cady again on his lap. â97.5, so her temperature has definitely gone down since her last visit which is amazing. Has she been throwing up still? Sweating a lot?â The nurse looked between both you and Harry. âThe only time she really throws up is at night when sheâs laying down, but everything else has gone away. She no longer complains of the stomach cramps she had and has been running around a lot more.â Your words were a jumbled mess coming out, how nervous could you possibly be to make answering a simple question come out in stutters?
âGreat, her heart rate is slightly higher than what we would like but that is what we are here to see. Dr. Petito will be in, in a few minutes.â Heather said as she put her stethoscope back around her neck and opened the door to walk out. Harry had looked over at you while you silently played with Cadyâs hair. You stood beside him, panic laced all throughout your facial features. It hurt him to see you so distraught, seriously what was going on with him? Sure he was told he falls fast, but three times meeting fast? Surely that couldnât have been the answer. âAre you okay?â He needed to interact before he got too into his head.
You looked at him once and your face softened with a small smile now splayed across your face, âItâs intimidating to be back in this room for something more than a stomach ache.â You didnât know what to feel. Her heart rate was higher than what it should be. What did that even mean? âItâs going to be alright, right Cady? Youâre gonna be fine?â
Cady looked back at Harry and then towards her mom with a toothy grin on her face as she hummed in confirmation. âHow do you know that?â You asked him, he seemed so sure of it. How could he possibly know that sheâs going to be okay? Heâs just looking at the brighter side of things, right? Heâs trying to get your mind off the unknown? Though he just looked at you dead in the eyes and said nothing. So thinking he probably didnât hear you, you asked him again. âHow do you know that Cady is going to be alright? I mean you heard the nurse, her heart is beating faster than what it should be.â
âBecause Cadence is the strongest person I know, if she can survive being born at nineteen weeks due to a car accident, she can survive a slightly elevated heart rate. I donât want to think about the negative until it happens.â By this point you had stopped playing with Cadyâs hair because she was now leaning against Harryâs chest, her game no longer in sight. âY/N, I know itâs scary. Believe me, I do. I just donât want to freak myself out by thinking of what could and could not be.â
âBut youâre not her mother, Harry. You havenât raised her since the day she was born, hell I havenât even raised her since she was born, that was the doctors. But how could you know how scary it is when sheâs not your child.â Instant regret floods you when you see his face fall. You were only telling the truth, so why did it feel like you said something wrong?
âYouâre right. Iâm not her parent. But I was just trying to help.â Harry was slowly standing up at this point. Cadence has now opened her eyes again, confused as to what is happening. âHarry-â
âNo, itâs fine. Iâm just going to go.â Cady was placed back into your arms while Harry walked towards the door. âHarry, wait, please donât leave. Iâm sorry Iâm just stressed. Please, I can't do this alone.â The farther away he got, the more you wanted to cry. How did it get to this? One wrong move and heâs out the door. âLet me know how it goes.â And with that heâs gone and all thatâs left is Cadyâs cries because heâs gone.
You donât get to dwell on it for long as Doctor Petito had walked in with the things she needed for Cadyâs ultrasound. You were scared. Except now it wasnât just because of all the pending possibilities that could be wrong with your daughter, but also because you donât know where you stand with Harry. There was no doubt in your mind that he was just trying to help, and yet you let your fears get in the way and lash out on someone who drove all the way to see how Cady was. A man who drove all this way to be there, for you. You had really messed up.
âGood morning girls, how are we doing today.â However Doctor Petito was cut off by the cries of Cady and gave you a confused look. Your eyes are almost matching Cadyâs tearful ones and went to sit down with her just to get this agonizing visit over with. However you donât make it very far because Cadence tells you that she wants to sit alone, something she has never done. It broke your heart, she didnât want you. Your daughter -- your own flesh and blood -- didnât want you. If the tears werenât evident before, then they definitely were now that your tear ducts have finally given out on you.
âAre you okay? Are you feeling any pain?â The doctor spoke while slightly touching around on Cadyâs stomach, she wasnât in pain but she did hate you, you thought. âHarry left.â Is all that she said, staring right into your eyes as she spoke. You could feel the weight of the world crushing you in every possible way. âOh, Iâm sorry to hear that. Is Harry a friend of yours?â All Cadence did was nod and was told to change into one of those disgusting blue gowns they make you wear at the hospital.
âThe tests last week came back negative last night which is great but we still have to see whatâs going on in there.â She spoke while poking the spot right above Cadenceâs heart with a smile on her face causing Cady to let out a small laugh. âWe are going to take her back to radiology where we will do the x-ray first, if you would like to follow us this way.â Cady was put in a wheelchair, for some reason you didnât actually know, while you followed slightly behind.
The whole process was hard because Cady would not settle down, she was scared that the machine would shock her and did not want to put the heavy blue thing on her chest, as she calls it. But when you were back in the room, Cady had still yet to speak to you which was slowly breaking you from the inside out. Doctor Petito was looking over the scancs so the room was in pure silence.
âCads, whatâs going on baby?â You asked just trying to get her to talk to you. However, her silent treatment didnât let up. She didnât do it on purpose, sheâs just upset that her new friend had to leave. She was upset that her mom was crying. Cadence hates seeing her mother cry, even though it happens very rarely, it makes her want to cry along with her.Â
When the doctor finally came back in, she had the scans in hand before she set them on the counter and walked over to the right side of the table. âAlright Cady, can you lay back for me and pull the gown up? This is going to be a little bit cold on you, okay?â Cady laid back, her hand grasping for yours. She didnât understand why Harry left, or how much of a relief on you it is that sheâs finally noticing you again. Her princess underwear now on full display, as Dr. Petito put the gel on her chest.
Hearing her heartbeat for the first time since your last ultrasound pregnant with her was a bittersweet moment. At that time in your life, you were in the darkest place imaginable. Having to listen to a childâs heartbeat, a child that wouldnât be yours in a matter of months. You hated going to those appointments for that particular reason, but now listening to it was probably the best thing you have ever heard. Her heart was beating, and yeah it was faster than it should have been, and that was concerning. But it was beating.
âSo Y/N, we were looking over the x-ray scans, it doesnât show anything too major, but she does have a slight murmur on her heart. That will explain the lack of weight gain and her raised heart rate. In most cases it goes away on its own, but if you feel like itâs getting worse then I suggest you take her to the hospital. Do you have any questions?â The doctor spoke so nonchalantly, how was she so calm? A heart murmur, it sounds scary but if you really thought about it, your aunt said one time at a family reunion that your cousin had a heart murmur when she was a baby and now sheâs happily married with her own kids.
You could feel the breath of relief take over you. âHow long does it usually take to go away? Or like, how do I know if itâs getting worse? I didnât even know she had it. The doctors just said that it was because she was born prematurely.â
âIt all depends on the person really, it usually just goes away as you grow up. There is no set time limit. If she starts complaining about chest problems, or starts to get loss of breath pretty frequently, then that's when you should take her in. Her lack of weight can have something to do with how young she was born, but itâs not like she is severely underweight so I wouldnât worry too much about it.â Doctor Petito was young, she looked to be in her thirties so her communication skills with you were severely helpful. Not that an older doctor has poor communication skills, but seeing someone so close in age is kind of relieving in a sense.
After that it didnât take long for Cadence to get dressed and let out, she will need to come back for a check up in six months but other than that, you were finally able to breathe again. When you got back to the car you decided that you would try to call Harry and let him know that he was in fact right. You werenât afraid to admit that you were wrong, you just hoped he would pick up his phone.
Though he didnât.
âHey Harry, itâs me. Y/N. Iâm just calling to let you know that Cadence is going to be okay. Doctor Petito said that she has a heart murmur and that it's seen a lot in children. It will go away as she ages. I uhm, Iâm sorry for lashing out on you. It was totally out of context and I feel terrible for making it seem like I didnât appreciate what you were saying. Cadence hated me for it too, she cried for a good thirty minutes after you left. Sheâs actually in the backseat sleeping right now, passed out once I got her buckled. Again, Iâm sorry, please call me back. Bye.â
...
When Harry left the doctors office, he left with a heavy heart. He shouldnât have taken it personal because everything you had said was completely true, he wasnât Cadyâs father. He doesnât know what itâs like to be worried about your child, someone that youâve had a connection with since day one. Except that he has had a connection from day one, it might not have been her day one, but it was their day one. Or two but the wedding doesnât count because she was asleep.
Moral of the story, Harry was overthinking the situation for more than it was. He jumped into action and you probably thought that it was overwhelming, and that was not his intention at all. He just wanted to help, he wanted to be there for you because three days ago, you had expressed that it was hard to do this alone.
So after he left, he went back home and called the one person who he knew could help him, Zoey.
âHarry? Daniel isnât here right now, heâs down getting drinks from the bar for us.â
âI actually need to talk to you, is this a bad time? It completely slipped my mind that you were still on your honeymoon, should I call back at a different time?â
âNo no, youâre fine. We still have two more days here, is everything okay? Is something wrong with Y/N, I didnât get a message?â
âSort of, I think, Cady had an appointment today because they wanted to take a look at her heart which you already knew about. But thatâs actually not why I called.â
âOh, then why did you call?â
âI uhm, so you know the other night when you called me and I went over to her apartment? Well her and I kind of kissed and I didnât exactly hate it. And I didnât think she did either but I went to the appointment today to be with her and she kind of flipped out on me.â Harry bitterly laughed out in embarrassment, he wasnât embarrassed about kissing you, but more so kissing you on the second time meeting. But Zoey didnât care, he could tell because of the oh that left her mouth.
âHarry, you gotta understand that Y/N hasnât had a proper relationship with anyone since her baby daddy. And even then, he was her first relationship sheâs ever had. Her mother never allowed her to have a boyfriend. She doesnât know when someone is serious about her. Not to mention the fact that itâs going to be harder because she does have a kid, so sheâs not only looking out for herself, but for Cady too.â
âAnd I get that, I do, but I just canât get her out of my head. How pathetic right? The guy meets the girl once and is already totally smitten with her?â
âItâs not pathetic, Harry. Donât think I didnât see you guys talking almost all night at my wedding. When I first met Danny it took me ten minutes to fall for him. Itâs the way of life, some people fall fast and others take their time. You just happen to be the former. Do you like her, Harry?â
âI think so.â
âYou think so?â
âI havenât really been with anyone since Camille, but I can tell you that my heart picks up every time I see her. And her eyes are the most beautiful I have ever seen. Oh, and donât even get me started on her laugh, by far the most enchanting sound I have ever heard. But I donât want to make things more complicated for her. Zoey, what do I do?â
âSounds like youâve got it bad, Styles. You have to be patient with her feelings, she will come to you when she is ready to fully open up. I can see it from the way she would talk about you on our daily facetime calls, she fancies you. Now she wonât make the first move because sheâs a shy lilâ thing, but if you take your time to woo her, she will be falling at your feet.â
âDid you just say woo her? What does that even mean?â
âSwoop her off her feet, give her the best date of her life. When Danny and I get we will watch Cady and you two can go for a night in the town. Okay, I gotta go. Daniel is back with our drinks.â
âThank you, Zoey. Oh wait, do my ears deceive me or did you say that you two talk about me on your calls?â
She could hear the smirk in his voice, it was cocky and arrogant but nevertheless, she smiled as well. âGoodnight, Harry.â And with that, she hung up the phone with Harry feeling better than he had before he called her. Woo her.
How would he woo her? What does she like to do? She doesnât like to drink, but does she like the movies? No sheâs not much of a cliche, he figured that one out the first night they met. What about taking her to the fair? Would the rides make her sick?
Harry was too busy stressing himself out that he didnât hear the ringing of the phone sat in his hand until the familiar ding came right after.
One new voicemail from Y/N.
..
Hi hi! Iâm back. I keep making changes to this as if I donât know what Iâm doing, and half the time I donât. I want to make it good, but I also want it to make sense. And not to mention the fact that the story line basically comes to me as I am writing so I have no idea where this is going to go. Anyways I hope you have an amazing day, night, morning, whatever. Byeee.Â
If you could, please let me know how you are liking this series. Thank you!
Pairing: Harry Styles x ReaderÂ
Genre: Fluff and some angstÂ
Warnings: Mentions of drunk driving, premature birth, adoption, and a car accident
Word Count: 3.6k (They just keep getting shorter, I know. Iâm trying to make them longer.)
The outside world was now a dark shade of blue, the moon and stars beautifully illuminating the sky. The time read eleven-fifteen and yet no one dared to move off of the safety of your balcony. Cadence had fallen back into a slightly peaceful slumber, her congested nose being heard each time she took in a breath. Harry had carried her back to her room despite all of your comments on how you could get her when you go to bed. You hated to admit it but Harry was really good company. Especially when he compliments you on your tea making ability, although the only thing you did was add in some milk and honey with the tiniest bit of sugar.
Currently the two of you were laughing about something Harry had done when he was a child, his mother scolding him and almost getting grounded for âaccidentallyâ punching a kid on the playground. If your opinion mattered in the slightest, you would say that he did it on purpose because of the evidence leading up to that point. âSo, Cadence. How did you come up with that name? I've never heard of it before.â His voice was adoring, he was truly interested in what you had to say. He was pretty fond of the tint on your cheeks, though the night sky makes it hard for him to see them properly. âI have always loved the name Katie but I hated the name Kaitlyn, and I wanted it to be unique. I was originally going to name her Candace, but I didnât want her to suffer with a name from Phineas and Ferb. Plus, who doesnât like a good Mean Girls reference?â
You had a similar fondness for the green eyed beauty that sat beside you. His smile would quite possibly be the death of you, which wouldnât be good because there was no way you could trust Zoey and Daniel to raise Cadence without messing her up in one way or another. âI think Cadence fits her perfectly. Sheâs like really smart as well, sheâs only two right? I have never met a two year old who knew the phrase artificially flavoured, let alone a two year old who could speak as well as she can.â Honestly you didnât think your cheeks could heat up anymore than they already were, but him speaking so positively on your daughter was something adored. It was something that you werenât used to because of who her mom was.
âShe is, yeah. When I tell you she had the whole alphabet memorised by a year, Iâm not lying. I have no clue what that daycare is teaching her, but I canât say that I mind it either. Just be glad you donât see the sass on her, her mother was no better at that age. I wish that I could meet her and ask why she had such a drama queen.â Your tone joking, a slight laugh being let out as you finished the sentence. It wasnât like Cadence was a diva all the time, but when she was, it could be a real hassle.
âOh no, her mother is probably worse now more than ever.â Harry continued on with the joke. Talking with you had become slightly easier but he could tell there was something going on deeper than what he could see. You were no open book, and as much as he would love to open you up and read what youâre thinking, he knew it would take time. Time that he was willing to give because when he walked up to you that day of the wedding, he had no intentions of it being a one time meeting.
You had lightly slapped his shoulder, a clear offended look on your face until you couldnât hold it anymore and burst out in laughter, Harry following soon after. The two of you were obviously more comfortable with each other and you really only had Cady to thank. Had it not been for her, you guys would probably be sitting at your dining room table having slight and awkward small talk. âHey uhm, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I mean Zoey called me in hysterics and then you werenât any better when answering the door. I know we donât entirely know each other, but you can talk to me. Iâll listen to you.â
The air seemed a bit more tense now, almost making it hard for you to breathe just thinking about the events of the day all over again. Harry stared into your eyes, seeing as they nervously moved from eye to eye. âItâs probably nothing to get so worked up about, Iâm just overthinking the situation for more than what it is.â You spoke softly, averting your eyes to your hands in your lap. Nervously picking at the already chipped yellow nail polish. That is until Harry grabbed your chin so you had no other option than to look at his face, his beautifully structured face. Is there a way you could meet his mother to thank her for gracing the world with such beauty?
ââM sure thatâs not true, love. If it has you overthinking, then itâs got to be a big deal.â This wasnât a conversation you were exactly ready to have with him because there is nothing he could say to calm your nerves while you wait on the impending phone call with her results. But you knew that you had to talk about it because if not then you will literally crumble with all of the emotions.Â
âI took Cady to the doctors today and they are concerned about her weight. Sheâs six pounds underweight, which doesnât necessarily sound so bad, but they wanted to make sure she doesnât have some chronic illness and I guess I am seeing the worst of the situation. But thatâs normal, right? I mean any parent would go crazy over the little unknowns of their children. Right?â
Harryâs face got visibly softer, the dim tint of the moon shining off the side of his face. His hand had moved from cupping your jaw to splayed across your hands in your lap. ââCourse itâs normal, love. Itâs fucking terrifying when you find out something could be wrong with your child, even if itâs as small as falling off of the swing. Overthinking does not make you a bad mum, it makes you a concerned one. Concern comes from the depths of your heart, it goes to show how much you love her.â Harry spoke, repeating the words he once spoke on the first day of meeting you. A small smile replaces the frown you once had and Harry slowly brings his arms to wrap around you in a secure hug.
For the first time in your life, you felt safe in the presence of another person. The scariest part of that though was that you had only met him once before this, and that didnât exactly go the way you would have initially planned. There was no way you could fall any deeper into his eyes and his heart, because you fear that if you depend too much on him, he will leave. Just like every other person in your life. And you definitely couldnât let Cadence get attached because that will be an even harder thing to explain to a girl who has had so much loss in her life already. She would grow up and wonder where her daddy is and you just had no answer.
Would you tell her the truth? That he was a coward and ran away? He didnât want her so he bolted? Would you tell her that he wasnât here anymore? There is no easy way to tell your child why they donât have a parent in their life. Because then they would feel less than what they are, and the truth is that they are too good for that parent. âYou wanna know something?â you broke the silence, you didnât really know where this sense to confide in him came from but the next thing you know heâs letting out a hum as his arms continue to rub at your back. One of his hands playing with the ends of your hair.Â
âWhen I first found out I was pregnant with Cady, I didnât think I could be a good mother. I thought she deserved better than me, hell I still feel as if she deserves better than me. I had the original thought that I would give her up for adoption, so she at least had a shot in this world, itâs what got me through my pregnancy. The thought that I was actually doing something right in my life, I would be giving my daughter the life she deserves, even if that meant I wasnât in it.â
âHarry, it tore me apart to look for potential families. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I was doing the right thing. During my fifth month of pregnancy I met this really amazing couple, their names were Delilah and Phinean, they had been married for twelve years and had tried for a baby for five years. They had a dog named Maggie and were ready to add to the family. I mean, they were exactly what I was looking for in parents for my baby, they were perfect. I was so close to giving her a perfect life, I went to sign the official documents that legally named them her parents on the morning of October 4th. I never made it to that appointment.â
âZoey and I were driving on the highway when some drunk guy lost control of his car and basically t-boned us on the passenger side. That was the side I was on, and all I could remember was pain everywhere and Zoeyâs screaming for somebody to help us, and next thing I knew I was unconscious and being placed in the back of an ambulance. Cadence barely made it. I was only nineteen weeks pregnant, meaning I was nearing my sixth month. Itâs highly unlikely that a baby could survive being almost four months premature, itâs possible, but rare. And she happened to be the miracle that survived. Zoey got away with a few cuts and bruises but I had to go through a series of surgeries because of broken bones and other major internal injuries. Zoey told me that the doctor actually told her that neither me nor Cadence were bound to make it through the night.â
âWhen Delilah and Phinean heard about the accident they rushed to the hospital and met who they thought was going to be their daughter, and then they sat with me until I woke up five days later. The first thing I did was ask about my baby, how my baby was, where she was, did she make the crash? And they had said that she was alive but in critical condition, they didnât think she would make it much longer. Harry, they made me choose whether or not I should take her off of life support, that was the hardest and by far most heartbreaking decision I have ever had to make in my life. It took me three days to give them a definite answer, which was obviously no. I hadnât even met her yet and yet here I was already making life harder for her! That is when I knew I really couldnât keep her, she was never my baby to begin with, she was theirs. But the moment I laid eyes on her was a huge game changer, she was so fucking tiny and hooked up to all these different machines, but she was breathing! She was breathing and she was alive.â
âHow could someone that small possibly survive such a traumatic experience and still be fighting. And so from that point on I knew I made the right choice in not taking her off of life support. Except it would be a long and painful journey for her to go through at such a young age. I think that is why I just jump to the worst case scenario, because her first year of living was spent with nothing but hoping and praying that she would be okay, that she would make it through this. And the first time I got to hold her was my breaking point. I couldnât give her away. She was small enough to fit in the palm of your hand! And she was only a pound and five ounces. However I didnât get to hold her for the first three months of her life, she was to have no contact because of how tiny she was. For three months, this innocent and perfect couple went on to believe that they finally had a daughter. Their dream had finally come true. And I stole that from them, I shattered their dreams and made them lose hope. And as much as they told me that they understood, that they knew the connection that I had grown towards her, I could still see her tears. I can visibly see Phineanâs anger when I go to sleep at night, he was looking at me like I was a monster. And for months after that I truly believed that I was.â
âI had single handedly taken away and crushed their dreams of being parents. They didnât deserve that, and yet it happened. But two months ago I got a message from them, those dreams that I had crushed? Â They were made by another girl named Remedy, she gave them a healthy baby boy who was born at nine months like a baby should be. They named him Jullian Alexander Temple, he is the sweetest boy. And they asked how Cadence was doing and if they could see a picture of her. I felt bad sending the picture and at first told them no because I didnât want them to get upset at me, but they reassured me that it was totally fine. So reluctantly, I sent the picture. It was Cadence in big sunglasses that almost covered her nose, she had a chocolate ice cream cone in her left hand and the bead necklace she wore in her right. There was chocolate coating the lengths of her mouth, and on the tip of her nose. Her hip popped out and she made a duck face, the sass was all too real. Iâll have to show you sometime, but when they congratulated me for such a beautiful girl, I broke down into tears. Continuously apologizing to them, but for some crazy reason, each time I apologized they waved me off and said how happy and proud they are of me. They actually wanted to meet up but I felt as if that would be too painful to see the girl you once thought was yours? I couldnât imagine that.â
âAnd the only other people who know about this are Zoey, Daniel, and Liz. They are the ones who helped me most, and then two days after finally taking Cady home, thatâs when Zoey claimed her love for Daniel and here we are now. All is good, or it was good until today. Zoey thinks itâs just because of how premature she is, but I canât help but think otherwise. Call it mother intuition. Even though at the beginning of her life I was ready to send her off with someone else, today I canât even begin to imagine a life without her. Sheâs my rock. My muse. Sheâs my girl and seeing her in so much pain again brings back so many horrible memories that I wish were anything but reality.â
As you finished your speech in tears, you finally looked up at Harry to see that he had tears of his own pooling at the edges of his eyes. You had never told anyone besides the people who already knew, and something deep within you knew that this was the right thing to do. You took the end of your sweater sleeve and wiped under your eyes, collecting the tears before lightly gripping his face and doing the same thing with Harry and giving him a small smile. He took a deep breath in, still clearly processing what you had just told him and you couldnât even blame him, it was a lot to take in.
âY/N, I am -- I donât know what to say, honestly. I am so sorry you had to go through that, that you both had to go through that. I canât even begin to understand what you went through, it must have been so hard.â His words came out a jumbled mess, his stuttering not letting up as he continued, âAnd to make rash decisions on a whim, I mean what if you had chosen to take her off?â
âI know. Looking back on it now, I canât believe it took me three days to make the choice, if I could go back I would say no instantly. I hope you donât see me, us, any different now that you know our story. We are still the same people from the reception, except I swear Iâm a lot nicer than whoever I was that night.â Harry gave you a confused look as if he were to say âAre you crazy?!â Which you couldnât quite understand.
âYouâre joking, right? Y/N, knowing your story definitely makes me look at you differently--â
âWhat?â You were confused, scared even. You had just told him something so personal, and he had the audacity to think of you differently? âNot like that, god definitely not like that. I think you are by far the strongest person, people, I have ever met. Your story makes me respect you on a level that breaks the scale, cause even through all of that you never gave up. You risked two people hating you because you wanted to take the chance to give your daughter the life she deserves. You are selfless and remarkable and undeniably the most admirable person I have had the pleasure of walking up to at my best mates wedding. I am completely and foolishly entranced by you.â There was a pause of silence. One of those unbearable but comfortable silenceâs, how that made any sense at all? Well, there was no true answer to that.
You wanted to say something, anything, but the words got caught in your throat. You were for sure that he would leave once hearing how damaged you are, but instead heâs here praising you for it. It was something you werenât used to, hell you weren't sure if it was something you even wanted to get used to. This was one of those insecure dependable moments, if you got used to it, you would depend on it. If you depended on it then it would come back and bite you in the ass, and you couldnât have that.
âAll of my life I have been told how worthless I was. Teachers, classmates, parents, anyone you could think of. I was told that I had no future. When I told my mom that I was pregnant she told me that I didnât have what it takes to be a mother. When I told her I wasnât keeping it she told me that it was better that I got rid of it because had I not, it would grow up to be a trashy and useless bitch like the child she raised. And through all of that I wanted to scream at her because she was no better. I wanted to tell her that she should have never had me if I was so trashy and useless, though she already knew that because she would constantly tell me how I was the biggest mistake of her life. I havenât spoken to her since the day I told her I was keeping the baby. She had said some really awful things but I didnât care because I strived to be a better mother than she has ever been.â
âI remember one night, I was feeding Cadence for the first time since she has been off of her feeding tube. I had The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air playing in the background and ironically it was the scene right after Willâs dad left. I have never related to anything more than when he said, ââCause there ainât a damn thing he could ever teach me about how to love my kids!â and that night I sat there just adoring the little girl I held in my arms. The love I hold for her is beyond this world. You have to know, Harry, I am a very complicated girl with a very complicated story that has barely even been broken into. Iâm giving you an out. Right here, right now, I am giving you an out because if you decide to do this and then realize Iâm not good enough for your presence, Iâm not sure I will be able to let go. And even though I have gained so much in the last two and a half years, I have lost so much more in the last twenty-four. So this is your out, I wonât be mad if you decide to leave.â
Before you could finish your rant, you felt his lips hit roughly against yours. His lips were chapped, but they were so much better than you could have ever imagined. His hand laid on your waist, pulling you closer to where your bodies are now touching. Your own hands sliding around his neck and pulling slightly at the small hairs at the nape of his neck, in return he let out the smallest of groans. Somehow his tongue found its way into your mouth, exploring all of the right places before he slowly leaned back and whispered out, âIâm not leaving. Iâm in this for however long you will have me.âÂ
And that is when you knew that things might actually be okay in your life.
--Â
AN: just a thing, i get that itâs highly unlikely for a baby to survive nineteen weeks premature, but for the sake of the story, we are going with it.
haha, ouch. Iâll be honest, this isnât at all how I thought this chapter was going to go, but once I started writing, I just couldnât stop. So I really do hope you enjoy this and that I didnât make you cry too much during this chapter. Please let me know how you are liking this so I know how long to keep this going! I know I said that at the top, but I would really love to know your opinions. Also so sorry for the spam! I have been in a ridiculous writing mood, and I just know I am going to get writerâs block here soon, I can just feel it lol.Â
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