hi, iām august! most of what i post will be random ramblings about me being aro or ace, with more of a focus on being aro. for context iām graysexual grayromantic, but i also use the labels of asexual, aromantic and aroace.
my pronouns may also change sometimes, but i will always update my bio with the ones iām currently using :> (for when i have they/them, i prefer āthemselvesā to āthemselfā)
also this is a sideblog, and i want to keep my main blog separate for now so unfortunately i canāt reply to you! (if only there was a way to change which blog is your main one š)
feel free to send asks or messages though, iām always open to talking! i donāt have any aspec friends so itād be nice to get to know some people haha
lastly, the only DNI i will publicly have is that if you are a radfem and/or terf, you are not welcome here.
yknow i thought i was grayace but more and more im thinking i might just be strictly asexual i feel like my ability to feel sexual attraction might have been Stolen before i could even conceptualise it and now it's just like mentally that pathway could never exist because existing as a female bodied person means any relation to my body in that general direction makes me feel so viscerally uncomfortable im not sure im capable of ever wanting someone else sexually because i think i'd cry if someone tried touching me sexually
i feel like i may be regressing on my progress on that front cuz i managed to get to a level of feeling okay in my body and now im just. not again. questioning whether this is something i need to work on or maybe i should just continue to exist like this bc i honestly dont know.
but then again u can want sex but also be viscerally uncomfy in ur body for the same reasons i am
but i feel like the reasons just made those desires impossible for me idk
it's okay. you don't have to feel love. love isn't the point of it all. there's nothing wrong with you, and there's more to this world than love. i and so many others are glad you exist. just the way you are.
please don't judge yourself. advocate for yourself when others are mean to you, and surround yourself with people who support you. you deserve better. i promise.
I want to share a little, potentially helpful, thought to those who find attraction hard to understand.
Specifically, aesthetic attraction.
I've identified as asexual for 8 years now, and one thing that would have made this part of my sexuality a little easier to understand was having a fuller understanding of 'Aesthetic attraction'. I experience very strong aesthetic attraction and I'll often refer to people as 'hot' based on finding them really aesthetically attractive. I noticed others saying the same thing. But most explanations of aesthetic attraction would say something like "It's like finding the sunset pretty or appreciating the beauty of a painting" and for some, that may be true and it's certainly the simplest way of putting it. But for me it was something more than that, it was a lot stronger than just finding someone pretty. But it certainly wasn't sexual attraction... or really anything else. It's confused me for a long time, and I've seen other ace and aro people also sharing this confusion.
But then I realised that I'd forgotten something that is so obvious. It's called aesthetic attraction for a reason. It's being attracted to someone because of their appearance.
I saw this tweet today and felt it explains it in the best way I've seen so far.
"attraction based on a visual appreciation or captivation of the physical appearance or allure of another person" credit: azejournal
I feel maybe we ace and aro people forget that aesthetic attraction can still, very much, be a strong attraction - a 'captivation' by someone's appearance or, as the tweet puts it, even the 'allure' of them. You don't want to do anything with them, other than, perhaps, just look at them, draw them, etc.
Let's go back to the 'appreciation of the beauty of a painting' idea and adapt it to the way in which I now think of aesthetic attraction, which I've found very useful.
So say you're in an art gallery and you're a fan of art, you appreciate the beauty of them. Or maybe you're not really a fan of a lot of art, just the occasional piece. Nevertheless, you might look at a piece and think "Oh that's a nice one, yes I like the colours, it's very pretty and well done." And then you move on after a minute, and by the end of the day you know you found it nice to look at, but you've not got an urge to see it again. That's what a lot of previous descriptions of aesthetic attraction feel like to me. You appreciate the beauty of it but there's no attraction.
However, what I feel is perhaps a more accurate metaphor for aesthetic attraction is this: You enter a gallery and in a room full of art, there's one that catches your eye. You're immediately drawn to it - there's just something about it that interests you, that captivates you. Maybe it's really beautiful to you, or maybe it's not pretty in the typical sense of the word, but there's something about its appearance that attracts you to it. You look at it for way longer than other pieces. You might take a sneaky second look at it before leaving. At the end of the day, it's the one you think about and maybe you buy a postcard or poster to put in your bedroom so you can look at it again, and again.
And that's what aesthetic attraction is, for me. It's aesthetic, not romantic, not platonic, certainly not sexual, but an attraction all the same. And that's something I think is key to remember when you're confused about the crazy world of attraction.
I was going to add this to a post about demisexuality but it read a lot like a derailment, so it gets its own post.
If someone tells you about an identity and your reaction is,Ā āBut everyone is like that!ā you should consider two things. One, nothing is universal. Not everyone is like anything. Two, if you feel like that yourself maybe youāre one of the number who are like that.
actually, while iām on the topic of aromanticism: i find it funny there are aphobes who hear about loveless aros and aplatonic folk and goĀ āuhm thereās no such thing, thatās just major depression. get therapy.ā but finding the loveless aro community and identifying as loveless has made me feel 100x more confident and more secure in my aromanticism? it has strengthened my ability to build and maintain friendships, because i now understand that not feeling platonic love or any other kind of love doesnāt make me some flaky, fake excuse of a personā it just means i donāt experience some emotions that others might. and i can better navigate those experiences instead of feeling guilty and like iām some horrible, irredeemable person. it sincerely has given me a brighter outlook with how i interact with others socially and build friendships.
i donāt NEED to compensate for something i donāt feel, i can simply just exist as i am.
LOVE when people are like, you're not special, that can also apply to closeted lesbians etc etc when you're describing an aromantic experience, as if it's a gotcha moment. You're right!!!! It can!!!! And guess what? We as a community have more in common than we don't, and that should be celebrated, not used as a basis to dismiss one groups experiences and elevate anothers
Something most aro/aces have to actually sit down and realize at some point in their lives is that wanting to be attracted to people is not the same as actually *being* attracted to people.
Like, I had to learn that. Do you know how crazy that is?
(Four glittery pride flags with text that says "the asexual spectrum is real and beautiful". The flags are the asexual spectrum, asexual, demisexual, and gray asexual pride flags)
iāve just found out that i still have a chance to finish my degree so iām asking you to fill out a survey for my thesis. the thesis itself is about the stereotypes Polish asexual people are faced with and how those stereotypes affect their lives.
the survey is in Polish, there are 16 questions, filling it out takes about 10 minutes or a little bit longer depending on whether you decide to write longer answers for the not-required open questions (i would appreciate it if you would!). itās completely anonymous.
hereās the survey link (link do ankiety i polskiego opisu)
even if youāre not Polish, if youād be so kind as to signal boost this post by reblogging or sharing it wherever other aces might see, i would be utterly grateful!
if at any time during the survey you feel uncomfortable, anxious, or depressed, please take a break or close the survey entirely. i appreciate your willingness to help but your well-being is more important š
