dumb among us headcanons for the witcher:
lambert always acts sus; during emergency meetings, he’s always too dry and sarcastic for people to take him seriously, or he’s angry and cagey, so he always gets voted outta the ship. surprisingly good impostor, even better if he’s teaming up with kiera or geralt. typically gets killed off.
eskel is the best impostor, don’t even. dude can charm and lie outta any situation and will almost always throw geralt and/or lambert under the bus. one time, he and lambert were both the impostor, but cause lambert killed him first in an earlier round, eskel killed kiera and then managed to convince everyone that lambert did the deed. dude can be hella petty.
jaskier lies about everything. will lie that he isn’t the impostor. will lie that he is the impostor. will lie that he saw geralt murder yennefer despite not being in the room. will lie that he’s done all of his tasks. never gets killed off, never gets voted out. how?????
geralt is still trying to understand the controls, ciri help, ciri stop laughing, ciri how to do i call an emergency meeting, ciri why am i a ghost now, ciri how do ghosts carry out tasks, theY DON’T HAVE HANDS, CIRI
yennefer is a human lie detector and can almost always sniff out the imposter. she chooses not to expose jaskier, ‘cause they enjoy fucking with geralt. when she’s impostor, she always wins.
vesemir just wants to complete his tasks, leave him and his little blob spaceman alone, he just wants to stop this ship from malfunctioning, everyone leave him alone, he didn’t even want to play this stupid game
ciri finishes her tasks first, every time. she should’ve even be playing the game, it’s past her bedtime, but if kiera is babysitting her, then it’s fair game. also, she can’t sleep when she knows her dad is sulking at the computer cause he sucks with technology so, so, so bad.
kiera plays just to irritate lambert. she always hunts him down before everyone else. if lambert dies first, chances are, kiera is the impostor. always cheats by venting, ffs, kiera, stop using the fucking vents!
triss gets angry whenever people are too quick to vote, like fucking hell, at least wait for the evidence to build up, you’re ruining the game! also cheats by calling yennefer up midway through the game to plot nefarious deeds of subterfuge and sabotage.
leto plays without anyone knowing it’s really him. he changes his name every time, pretending to be iorweth, roche, zoltan and even priscilla. he dutifully carries out his tasks, but he always cheats. his one mistake was playing as valdo marx one time. no one’s ever heard such a roar emit from jaskier before and for the first time, in a long time, leto feels a flicker of fear.
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