OWLS FROM LAST NIGHT: a dracodormienshprp ask meme (nsfw)
[owl] : Just toss me in Azkaban and throw away the key. I’m too big of an embarrassment for normal life.
[owl] : I’m going to suck his dick harder than a dementor does souls.
[owl] : I DON’T CARE IF HE’S A DEATH EATER HE’S FUCKING HOT
[owl] : My dick is harder than the times we live in.
[owl] : Screw responsibilities. I’m finding a dragon and flying into the sunset.
[owl] : I swear I could feel it in my toes, it was like something straight out of an Agnes Sampson novel
[owl] : You going to blame staring at your sister’s arse over being drunk too??
[owl] : I woke up in the middle of the night to a goat standing on my chest. Thought it was a dream until I saw the hoofprints this morning. This room is wild.
[owl] : I’m gay for all my roommmates tbh.
[owl] : Mate. You were so drunk you tried crowdsurfing with the houseelves.
[owl] : Fuck this I’m getting Nando’s.
[owl] : Please tell me you didn’t sleep with him. He looked like he took a hundred stinging hexes to the face.
[owl] : On a scale of 1 to 10, you were tipping your house elf for getting you water level drunk.
[owl] : You were so stoned last night, you kept saying you were seeing goats.
[owl] : He offered to buy you a drink, and you wouldn’t say yes until you could see his left arm. I think the poor guy was confused because he took his shirt all the way off. The whole bar thanked you.
[owl] : Only firewhiskey understands me.
[owl] : The second you found out he was an auror, you made him pat you down. Then you asked if you could see his wand and badge. I’m proud to know you.
[owl] : Let’s just say he lost his boner after I told him he reminded me of a pygmy puff.
[owl] : Just fed a first year at the lake a weed brownie. They haven’t moved in 20 minutes.
[owl] : Cooking Club you’re my only hope.
[owl] : So I was like, you know platform 9 ¾? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. EVER.
[owl] : She’s going to be able to see thestrals after tonight because i’m about to murder that pussy.
[owl] : Part of him is half-giant ;)
[owl] : Thank you for holding my firewhiskey while Puddlemere United let me ride their brooms.
[owl] : You yell at me for being attracted to Death Eaters and you’re over here condoning murder.
[owl] : ZELUS WARRINGTON DIED FOR OUR SINS
[owl] : It’s such a sad loss when a hot guy goes DE and gets a dark mark.
[owl] : I just had a dream that I was fighting Blair Rosier… Gotta stop reading the prophet before bed
[owl] : Idk I think she’s weird but she’s also a Hufflepuff so that might have something to do with it.
[owl] : I just want a second NYE so he can get horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he’s not so freaking handsome.
[owl] : You bought everyone at the Leaky shots and ordered them to cheer to the Blood Thieves.
[owl] : I heard your doors slam shut and then a few minutes later you screamed the words not again so loud I could hear it through the walls. Another Death Eater?
[owl] : The only thing the auror asked me is….. “how are you still alive ?”
[owl] : You climbed up on a table and screamed for all the Order members in the bar to pay attention to you. Then you told the whole bar that if American college movies have taught you anything, it’s that they have to take you since you’re a legacy.
[owl] : You WHAT with my cousin? (Also which cousin, I have thirty).
[owl] : Throwback to when I puked on Swan’s desk. Good times.
[owl] : WITCH WEEKLY GET A LOAD OF THIS.
[owl] : Do you have hobbies that aren’t destroying yourself and other people?
[owl] : Four galleons says they’re related to you.
[owl] : Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Firewhiskey because life is meaningless.
[owl] : AVADA KEDAVRA @ YOUR VIRGINITY, MOTHERFUCKER!
[owl] : Professor Zabini could get it.
[owl] : Look, I get that you want to honour Jaxon’s memory, but straight up sucker punching every guy in the bar was probably going a bit too far.
[owl] : Just auctioned off another one of Abbott’s shirts. Guess who’s five galleon’s richer?
[owl] : Do you think I could turn my cauldron into a bong?
[owl] : Dude, even the portraits know about your arse tat.
[owl] : You need to stop sending owls to my mum when you’re high. She keeps asking me what a Gryffinwhore is.
[owl] : He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the giant squid, I had to stop him.
[owl] : Welcome to the Dead Parent Club.
[owl] : My last fuck died in Hogsmeade with everyone else.