⤷ written + smau, idol!james x intern!fem!reader ˎˊ˗
synopsis you just recently got accepted to do an internship at bighit company, getting the opportunity to work for cortis but there’s a certain someone that might get in the way of you and your job.
authors note lowkey based off of these tiktoks i keep seeing (example 1, 2, 3) yepp but this one was lowk hard to write idkk
y/ns pov:
they said you’d have to be either happily married or exclusively attracted to women in order to get this internship. youre neither and yet here you are.
when applying for this internship, you didn’t know what to expect. and even after finding out that you were going to be working for cortis at bighit company, you still had no expectations. whatsoever.
however, your job consisted mainly of planning out schedules, occasionally stepping in as make up artist, filming and coming up with content ideas etc.
when you first met all the members, you got along with all of them pretty quickly. anytime you film content together, you had a blast joking around with them. especially when it involved james.
even though his presence always made you stop in your tracks, for instance, whenever he enters the room, you end up forgetting everything you wanted to say, causing every word to come out in a stutter.
there were literally times were you actively tried to avoid seeing him alone, to prevent any sort of humiliation infront of him. but still, you can’t help but fall for him.
but despite all your best efforts, you also can’t seem to steer clear from him and those tingly feelings he causes, which was hard when you kept trying your best not to let your personal desires get in the way of this opportunity.
cortis was currently performing on stage, while you were backstage trying your best to stay sane.
because the most thrilling part of it all was being backstage, being able to witness each of their music show performances, because no matter how hard you tried to deny it, the sight of seeing james perform always made your knees weak and let the butterflies in your stomach loose.
an effect, which only he had on you.
they had just finished performing ‘acai’ and before they continued on with their show, they took a quick break off stage to reenergize.
you watched each of them walk down the stairs behind the curtain, but your gaze fixated once james appeared, who was understandably sweaty and out of breath.
the other staff members rushed towards them with their towel, trying to pat their sweat away.
one of the crew members handed you a towel as well, even though that had never been part of your job before. which you didn’t mind, until you noticed james eyes fall onto the cloth in your hand.
he started walking up to you, assuming you were supposed to do the same thing everyone else around you did.
he greeted you with a smile, evidently still out of breath and unable to utter any additional words.
james untwisted the lid of his water bottle as he kept getting closer to you.
you leaned towards him, holding up the towel hesitantly, and taking a deep breath before you start tapping the cloth onto his face down to his neck.
for whatever reason he refused to take his gaze off of you. consequently, you couldn’t help but stare back. with every move, your eyes became more and more drawn towards him.
as you moved the wet towel down onto his neck, you were able to feel every single one of his breaths, realizing that your soft tapping had been slowly soothing his breathing.
the intense eye contact between you both had stopped abruptly due to another staff member exclaiming, “cortis is back on in five!”
“thank you, y/n” james said quickly, but still sincerely before he headed back to the stage alongside his members.
you were taken aback, simply by that small act of james calling you by your name. you never noticed him calling any other staff member by their name.
you don’t even remember ever telling him your name. how were you on first name basis already?
surely, there must be a legal branch of contract that wouldn’t even allow us to be on first name basis.
james’ pov:
our performance had just ended, so now we were in the dressing room, preparing and waiting until we go out on stage as special mcs.
all the other members had already gotten their makeup redone expect for me, since i insisted on going last.
for reasons that seem quite silly.
i figured that by the time it was my turn to get my makeup fixed, y/n would’ve probably finished her conversation with our manager by then, and i’d be able to ask her for help.
no shade to all the other makeup artists, they’re exceptional at what they do. they just don’t look at me the way that she does.
i see how that might come across as desperate but honestly any chance i can get to be close to her, i will take.
while i sat in my designated makeup chair, i saw through the mirror, that y/n had been finishing off her talk with our manager.
so as she was walking back, i turned my head around, more enthusiastically as intended, catching her slightly off guard.
”hey, y/n.” i said, grinning.
“hi, james?” she responded, furrowing her eyebrows, clearly confused by my sudden greeting.
“sorry, are you busy right now?”
“no, not anymore. why?”
“okay good, because i was wondering if you were able to retouch my makeup?”
i could tell, she was a bit thrown off by that request. she looked around, looking for the actual makeup artists, who to my luck were not present at the moment.
“yeah, sure.” she then replied hesitantly but with a soft smile on her face.
having her face be so close to mine was oddly intimidating. yet she still made it feel comfortable. neither of us had to be talking continuously, the occasional silence in between wasn’t awkward nor unbearable. it was comforting.
i swallowed harshly whenever she’d get closer to put on more makeup. the soft and lingering touch of her fingers faintly brushing against my face, had me swallowing harshly whenever she’d get closer to put on more makeup.
“what were you and park eunwoo talking about before?”
“hm? park eunwoo?” she questioned.
“yeah, weren’t you just talking to him?”
“ohh, the manager.”
“is that not his name..?”
“it’s park eungyeol.”
“oh my god, i am the worst at remembering names.. if you couldn’t already tell.” i said while my cheeks were actively adapting to every shade of red, making it abundantly clear how humiliated i was.
i noticed her lightly biting her lip, contemplating whether to say something or not.
“you remembered my name.” she then said discreetly, barely above a whisper.
i smiled at the thought of her feeling flustered, because i knew her name. “okay correction. im not good at remembering names that aren’t worth remembering.”
she giggled in response.
“wait— don’t tell him i said that.” i added lightheartedly but still genuinely distressed.
she nodded jokingly, while still chuckling at my statement.
strands of her hair gently fell down, covering her face slightly, covering my view.
i impulsively brought up my hand to tuck her hair behind her ear.
i could tell she was sort of taken aback by that move at first, but her face softened quickly. she cleared her throat, “ah, thank you.”
at the airport
wired headphones in, listening to chet baker, constantly checking if i have my passport with me, replaying every moment in which yn and i exchanged glances.
while trying my best to ignore the paparazzi.
i don’t think i will ever get used to the flashing lights. it’s nonstop. during our debut days, i tried enjoying the constant spotlight on me.
now, i came to the conclusion that i don’t have to pretend. i don’t have to keep acting like this is something i enjoy, when this has been the most dreadful part of it all. and i most certainly don’t have to to feed into peoples delusions or perception of me.
‘they’re just doing their job’ is what our crew keep telling us, but when and why has it become socially acceptable for grown adults to follow young teenagers around for a living?
i probably shouldn’t feel as irritated as i do anytime someone with a camera twice the size of their own face is walking towards us. but i do.
and ive just become even more irritated.
i freeze and turn down the volume of my music as soon as i heard concerned shouting from behind.
our manager brushed past me in a rush. i turn around, wanting to know what was going on as well. i wish i hadn’t.
because now i’ve been met with the sight of y/n tumbling over due to being pushed too harshly back and forth by a crowd full of ruthless paparazzi.
they hadn’t even noticed that they were persistently pushing her. not until our manager started scolding them atleast.
i felt my fist clinch up. i wanted to do something so badly but i knew whatever i would do now would lead to excessive media training, emergency meetings and a twitter scandal in the future.
juhoon showed up beside me, “she’ll be fine. don’t interfere.” he whispered quietly, so quietly only i could hear him.
he took me by my arm, leading me back to the other members, so i wouldn’t keep worriedly staring at her.
it felt wrong, not doing anything, not helping her.
y/ns pov:
you and james rarely talked this casually to each other, especially over text. usually it’s just you updating him on scheduling and filming.
well there was one occurrence, in which he also texted you during the middle of the night also asking if you were awake. seems like his second strike.
just last time he didn’t actually come over to your hotel room, unlike today.
knock.
you unlock the door, to see james standing infront of you.
you were legitimately surprised at him visiting your hotel room for reasons he still hasn’t disclosed with you yet.
“hi.” you say.
“hey.”
“may i ask, what you’re doing here? are there any ulterior motives and alternate agendas?”
“wow wow wow, aren’t you going to let me in first?”
you giggle and shake your head, before moving aside to let him in.
something about this, made you feel guilty inside. as if you and him were breaking rules.
but you weren’t, there’s nothing happening or going to happen here, right?
“i just wanted to ask if you were okay.” he said, while examining your room.
“yes i am, why wouldn’t i be?”
“you know, because of earlier at the airport.”
“oh that happens all the time. i’ve gotten used to it.”
he turned around, furrowing his eyebrows.
“you shouldn’t be used to it, though.” he said in all seriousness, clearly worried by my statement.
you knew he was right, because it bothered you too, but you assumed not putting up with their behavior would make you seem entitled. that’s why you just let it slide.
james was now standing infront of your desk, scanning through all of the stuff you have on it. you walk over to the table, joining him.
he turns to you, with the hotels greeting card addressed to you, in his hand. “that’s your last name?” he asks.
“yep, make sure you don’t forget.”
“oh i won’t, i promise.” he said smirking to himself.
he took a step closer, which pressed you against the side of the table.
“james.” you utter softly, trying to stop yourself from regretting something.
“hm?” he reached down and grabbed your waistband, pulling you even closer.
your brain was trying to comprehend what was going on, but his distracting face, made it impossible.
his eyes were all you could see. his voice was just a breath between you as he said, “if you want me stop, tell me to stop and i’ll stop.”
you didn’t say anything. you couldn’t hold back and be cool even if you tried. you wanted this— him more than anything.
he let one hand go of your waist and slid it up the sides of your face until he was holding it in his palm.
he lowered his mouth and leaned in slowly.
he wasn’t in a rush. he took it all in, savoring every part of you and you let him.
you kept tangling your fingers in his hair, trying your best to stay sane, while it made him go insane. his breath stuttered and he let out a sigh as he grinned against your mouth.
your forehead brushed against his, as you murmured, “we shouldn’t be doing this.”
he let go of your lip, “you’re right.”
your breathing stopped for a bit, you didn’t feel the relief you were hoping to feel.
james brought his hand from your face down to your neck, “but do you wanna do this?” he asks.
you nod. not even capable of uttering any words.
“good. me too.” he says, before finding his way back to your lips, tightening his grip on your waist.
the kiss changed as soon as you both stopped holding yourselves back.
݁꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱₊˚⊹ 요약 - when you are chosen to be the female lead in the ‘blue lips’ mv, martin seonghyeon keonho and juhoon can’t help but tease james for his long time crush on you…
warnings .ᐟ fluff, alcohol consumption, smoking, smut ( mdni ), unprotected sex ( do not do that ) fingering, oral, praising, soft dom james, reader finds out she likes the whole submissive ordeal, drunk sex kinda, very very light choking ( just hand around the neck atp) a looooot of praising like a crazy amount.
at twenty-two years old, your name carried the kind of weight most actors spent decades chasing.
not because you were loud or chased headlines, but because every role you touched became unforgettable. you were the actress critics called “emotionally dangerous” because people never watched your dramas casually, they felt them. deeply and pathetically at that. the kind of performances that left people staring at ceilings at 3 a.m. wondering why fictional heartbreak suddenly felt personal.
your rise happened obscenely fast.
at seventeen, you played the younger version of the female lead in a historical drama and completely overshadowed actresses twice your age with barely fifteen minutes of screentime. one crying scene alone went viral across korean platforms overnight, and directors began requesting you specifically after that.
at nineteen, you starred in your first lead role in the netflix drama ‘winter static’, a romance about two strangers communicating through old cassette tapes left inside a train station locker.
the drama exploded internationally, and tiktok edits of your scenes reached millions overnight. people quoted your monologues religiously, which was kind of stupid for you since they were just words stuck in your brain at this point.
your face appeared on billboards from seoul to tokyo to paris.
then came ‘velvet hour’ and ‘salt to the sea’, then the thriller ‘silhouette hearts’ that earned you your first baeksang arts award for best actress at the age of twenty-one. youngest actress in the category to win in over a decade.
after that, everything changed.
luxury brands fought over you. you became the global ambassador for miu miu and later the face of dior beauty in asia. campaign photos of you covered entire department stores. airport pictures became articles within minutes. fashiom editors loved your “old cinema” aura, soft eyes, elegant posture, expressions that looked heartbreakingly human even in still photographs.
and despite your fame, people adored you for smaller reasons too, your quirks became internet lore at some point. you were kind of awkward with the camera but in an endearing way, you didn’t know how to behave at award shows and came across as a socially akward person.
it wa also maybe the way you always carried disposable cameras instead of using your phone, and how you wrote handwritten letters to the staff after filming ended. how you fell asleep absolutely anywhere, chairs, makeup rooms, car rides shorter than ten minutes. fans also noticed you had a tendency to mirror people unconsciously. if someone leaned closer while talking, you did too. if someone laughed quietly, your voice softened automatically. interviewers said conversations with you felt strangely intimate because you listened with your entire attention and never felt unapproachable. there were compilation videos online titled:
“y/n being accidentally affectionate for 8 minutes straight.”
your management hated those videos. but the internet ate them up.
you also had one particular reputation in the entertainment industry: mv queen.
not because you appeared in many or anything, because every mv you touched became viral.
at eighteen, you starred in txt’s emotionally devastating “ghosting” inspired visual film project, playing a girl remembered through fragments an old footage. the chemistry between you and the members had fans posting edits of tiny interactions for months.
a year later, enhypen chose you for a vampire-themed comeback trailer where you portrayed a girl that anchored them to the mortal world. your final scene, holding member jake’s inanimate body in the sea, became one of the most replayed teaser moments of the year. you had a gift for making music videos feel cinematic instead of performative.
you understood silence, micro expressions, longing.
which was exactly why the cortis creative team wanted you.
specifically you.
mainly because of you name and the reputation you carried but also because “blue lips” wasn’t supposed to feel like a regular idol music video. it was supposed to feel like a lost teenager being put in an adult world after spending years as a trainee, caught on camera.
and your role inside it was very important. you would play the embodiment of what martin talked about in the song. the metaphor of swimming in a pool for a long period of time, referring probably to his trainee days.
you weren’t a girlfriend, not a muse either, something slightly in between.
the director had apparently rejected over thirty actresses before seeing one clip of you from ‘velvet hour’. a scene where your character silently cried while pretending to smile during dinner.
that was it.
the director reportedly paused the screen and said: “that’s her.”
⋆˙⟡. ⋆˙⟡
so two weeks later, you found yourself seated inside a glass walled meeting room at the company building of one of the biggest rising fifth-generation groups in korea.
rain tapped softly against the windows outside while managers discussed paperwork around you, the conference table covered in contracts, visual references, concept photos drowned in blue tones.
You sat calmly in an oversized cream sweater, lazily spinning an expensive fountain pen between your fingers while your manager reviewed the conditions carefully.
“the filming schedule overlaps slightly with the milan campaign,” your manager noted, he was an overly serious guy with coffee problems.
one of cortis’ executives nodded immediately. “we’re prepared to accommodate her availability entirely.”
another added quickly: “the director is willing to reorganize scenes around her schedule if necessary.”
you tried not to smile, because it always felt surreal when entire productions adjusted themselves around you now. like you were more essential than you imagined.
at twenty-two, that level of influence still startled you sometimes. things came easy for you but that came with a price to pay.
the creative director slid a storyboard toward you, inside were rough sketches of scenes:
a flooded apartment, blue lipstick stains on skin, hands trembling beneath neon lights, a drowning scene, but everything weirdly coincided with the whole cortis aesthetic.
you skimmed through quietly. “it’s emotionally heavy,” you murmured.
“that’s why we wanted you,” the director admitted honestly.
he looked almost nervous speaking to you. you’d noticed that recently. older directors tended to treat you less like a rookie actress and more like someone they genuinely wanted approval from.
“the members were personally involved in choosing the female lead,” another staff member added.
“oh?” you glanced up with mild curiosity.
the director smiled faintly. “there was unanimous agreement.”
you tilted your head slightly. “that’s flattering.”
your manager laughed softly. “you say that like it isn’t obvious.”
you ignored him, not in a rude way but just because sometimes he made you look like a stuck up celebrity without meaning to.
the meeting continued for another hour, image rights, overseas distribution, teaser appearances, confidentiality agreements.
standard things. pleasantries if you will.
but eventually the conversation shifted toward the actual emotional dynamic of the music video.
the director leaned forward slightly, a head full of ideas, “the role requires natural chemistry with the members,” he explained. “especially james.”
your eyes flickered briefly toward the storyboard page featuring him.
you had had time to check who all the members were beforehand, not because you didn’t know them but because you simply never had a free moment to really give it a try.
cortis were monsters internationally right now, but james stood out even among them to you, he was extremely unfiltered, goofy even, alternating between insane visuals and unhinged moments. you heard he also had a reputation for being painfully outgoing offstage.
you had watched interviews while preparing for the meeting, he always spoke out and gave his opinion, always made funny faces and enjoyed things way too much.
the director continued speaking. “the emotional core of the mv revolves around your connection with him specifically, it’ll be grief and pain.”
your manager nodded. “understood.”
then the director smiled suddenly like he just remembered something,
“the members actually wanted to meet her personally tonight if she’s comfortable.”
you blinked. “tonight?”
“there’s a team dinner.”
your manager looked at you questioningly. you considered it for a moment before shrugging lightly.
“sure, i can make that work.”
⋆˙⟡. ⋆˙⟡
and that was how, three hours later, you ended up entering a private hot pot restaurant room alongside two managers while five of the most talked-about idols in korea immediately stood up to greet you.
the room smelled warmly of broth and spice and low golden lighting reflected against polished wooden walls while steam curled softly from the simmering pots placed at the center of the table, the restaurant itself was cozy, sat tucked away in a quieter street of Seoul, the kind of place celebrities favored because paparazzi rarely bothered searching for it.
your manager walked slightly ahead of you as an employee guided both of you toward the reserved room.
“you’ve worked too much this week,” your manager muttered quietly while checking his phone. “try to eat properly tonight.”
“i always eat properly.”
“you had strawberries and iced coffee for dinner yesterday.”
“oh yeah… forgot about that.”
he sighed deeply. “one day I’m going to retire because of you.”
you smiled innocently just as the sliding wooden door opened.
inside, the members of cortis stood almost immediately. they bowed politely, intimidated not so much, but just cordial and respectful.
“thank you for coming,” one of the managers said warmly.
“thank you for inviting me,” you replied.
you greeted the members one by one.
martin was immediately charismatic, respectful but outwardly comfortable as if he treated this more like a job interview or a way to get more experience.
keonho shook your hand while joking that the pressure surrounding this music video already felt “oscar-level.”, he seemed the most introverted, nervous almost.
juhoon greeted you politely before admitting his sister would probably disown him if he didn’t get a selfie with you eventually, he seemed chill and easy to be around.
seonghyeon seemed calm and observant, speaking gently, a little nervous but growing confidence over the course of dinner.
and then there was james.
quiet.
polite.
a little reserved.
not at all what you’d expected, you were almost waiting to see him unhinged as he was on cortis’ reels, joking around, but he was way calmer, after all it wasn’t unknown that idol put on a bit of a show on-camera when asked.
he bowed respectfully, offering a soft greeting before pulling your chair out slightly without making a big deal out of it.
the dinner started slowly, mostly conversations between management teams about, and promotional timing. they talked about their new album, about how ‘blue lips’ would be totally different from other mvs and much more vulnerable.
this felt entirely different from your usual work settings, even though you weren’t immensely older than them, it still felt like grabbing lunch with high school friends, in a good way. you liked people who joked easily.
when it came to talking about the music video, you asked questions about the symbolism behind the flooded apartment set.
martin became overly passionate explaining how one choreography sequence represented emotional dependency.
he scratched the back of his neck with a small laugh at some point.
“it’s kinda embarrassing when people explain it seriously.”
“you wrote it,” juhoon replied. “you explain it.”
martin groaned dramatically while everyone else laughed softly.
the director slid one of the concept pages toward you. unlike the earlier boards filled with blue neon lights and cinematic references, this one was simpler.
a swimming pool with dark water and rippled reflections.
a figure submerged too long beneath the surface.
you looked up curiously.
martin rested his elbows against the table before speaking quieter this time.
“the song’s about being a trainee.”
you recalled seeing somwhere that he had spent 6 years as a trainee.
“i trained for years before debut,” he continued. “and eventually it starts feeling like you’re swimming without knowing where the edge of the pool is anymore. or at least that’s how i’d like to put it you know?”
“you’re exhausted all the time,” he continued with a small shrug. “but everybody around you is exhausted too, so you convince yourself it’s normal.”
your eyes drifted back toward the image of the water. cold enough to turn lips blue.
“the pool represents training?” you asked softly.
martin nodded. “the longer you stay in cold water, the harder it becomes to feel anything properly. but you still stay inside because leaving feels worse.”
for a moment, nobody joked, certainly not you, you hadn’t experience being a trainee, but you connected easily with words and experiences, so much that his words resonated with you in a silly way, really. You didn’t usually expect tha level of emotional intelligence coming from a person around your age.
then seonghyeon spoke gently.
“the song isn’t really about giving up though.”
martin nodded again.
“yeah.” his expression softened slightly.
“it’s more like… asking the people beside you if they’ll keep swimming too.”
that sentence stayed with you.
maybe because you understood it immediately.
not as an idol or anything. but as someone who entered the entertainment industry young enough to mistake exhaustion for ambition.
“that’s why the music video can’t feel overly glamorous,” the director explained carefully. “we want emotional intimacy more than perfection.”
suddenly all the visual references clicked together inside your head.
“you know what’s ironic?” martin said suddenly, picking his chopsticks back up. “the company hated the original demo.”
everyone burst out laughing.
“no seriously,” keonho added. “they said it was too depressing.”
the mood lightened again after that, but the conversation stayed centered around the song’s meaning now.
the members began sharing small pieces of their trainee experiences naturally.
long practice nights and monthly evaluations, the weird emotional numbness that came from repeating the same routines endlessly.
at one point, seonghyeon admitted quietly:
“you stop noticing how tired you are after a while.”
your expression softened instinctively. that sentence felt familiar too.
actors weren’t trained the same way idols were, but exhaustion translated across industries frighteningly well, especially when being underage in such a cruel industry.
“you just adapt to it,” you agreed.
several eyes turned toward you.
you laughed faintly. “filming is similar sometimes.”
“how long was your longest shoot?” keonho asked.
“twenty-one hours.”
the members stared at you in horror.
“damn that’s illegal.”
“it probably was.” you shrugged like it was no bigdeal
“what drama was that?”
“salt to the sea.”
martin physically pointed accusingly. “that drama emotionally destroyed my mother.”
“i’m getting blamed for a lot tonight… i mean not that i don’t usually get accused of sending people into meltdowns…” you cringed.
“you should. that shit was brutal.”
the table laughed again.
but then James spoke quietly from beside seonghyeon.
“i watched the behind-the-scenes documentary for that.”
your gaze flickered toward him.
he continued calmly, almost thoughtful.
“you kept filming even after collapsing during the staircase scene.”
you blinked once in surprise, very few people remembered that, probably you and your manager… that was about it.
the documentary itself had only shown brief footage before the production team cut the cameras.
your manager immediately sighed beside you.
“she scared everyone that day.”
“i was fine.”
“you passed out, y/n.”
“temporarily. see i came back.”
martin looked genuinely alarmed now. “why do actors live like nineteenth-century poets?”
“occupational hazards i guesss”
james smiled faintly into his drink at that.
“he watched all your dramas actually, big fan,” juhoon added helpfully, almost matter of factly.
keonho leaned dramatically across the table, chopsticks projecting sauce across the surface.
“he also defended your ending in velvet hour for two hours. which is weird since you killed someone and all.”
“because people misunderstood the symbolism—” james started.
“he took notes...”
you let out a soft laughter before even thinking. real laughter, the kind that makes your shoulders shake slightly.
at some point the staff began discussing practical filming concerns.
rain machines, and underwater camera rigs. cold temperature precautions and all the other overly serious things.
your manager immediately interrupted:
“she’s sensitive to cold filming environments.”
you groaned softly. “ah you say that like i’m an elderly victorian child.”
“you get sick every winter.”
“that’s just my immune system, i should be okay.”
the members laughed, then unexpectedly, james spoke up quietly toward the production staff.
“the water temperature should stay monitored anyway. hypothermia risks increase during long shoots.”
you glanced toward him. you didn’t take him as a serious and practical person at all before this.
the production manager nodded quickly. “of course.”
martin talked constantly, sometimes started rapping parts of his sentences like it was normal,
keonho teased everyone equally, even you, he was still 17 and had the energy of a high schooler. it felt refreshing to hang out with people around your age rather than 40 year olds.
juhoon had dangerously quick humor, pretty nonchalant guy overall, with a resting model face that made it hard to take him seriously.
and james… james observed today, he smiled from time to time but he put his bubbly personality aside for the night.
that was the first thing you noticed. he was not himself, or maybe he was just like that all the time and you were biased by youtube videos.
at one point you mentioned casually: “i haven’t slept properly in weeks because of filming, it’s been tough.”
twenty minutes later, without saying anything, james quietly slid the least caffeinated drink on the table toward you instead of soju after noticing what others were pouring.
cute, you thought.
⋆˙⟡. ⋆˙⟡
the first day of filming began at 4:12 a.m.
you knew because you checked the time through half-open eyes while your alarm aggressively blared in your ears.
‘your driver is downstairs.’ your manager texted.
a muffled groan escaped you from beneath layers of blankets. you dragged yourself out of bed dramatically, hair messy, oversized sleep shirt hanging off one shoulder while your cat blinked judgmentally from the corner of the room.
early filming days always felt surreal, no matter how famous you became and no matter how many awards sat in your apartment collecting dust.
at four in the morning, every actor looked equally miserable.
your routine before shoots had become almost ritualistic over the years.
warm water first, never coffee immediately, your body reacted badly on an empty stomach.
skincare while still half-asleep.
voice warmups your acting coach forced into your life at nineteen.
then wardrobe references, probably the most annoying part.
your stylist had already sent final fitting photos the night before, so you scrolled through them while eating strawberries over the kitchen counter.
the styling for “blue lips” was intentionally understated compared to your previous projects. you usually ended up in chanel and dior but this time around it was way simpler. you liked that.
soft fabrics and muted colors, smudged makeup and natural hair.
nothing glamorous.
your manager arrived while you were still trying to force yourself awake properly.
“you slept three hours.” he checked the sleep schedule you had hung on the fridge.
“had to rehearse my lines for ‘if wishes could kill’”
another drama you were shooting.
he handed you iced coffee anyway, because despite his complaints, he enabled you constantly. he had worked with multiple celebrities but you were by far the most humble and hardworking one.
the drive toward the filming location stayed quiet.
seoul still looked asleep beneath pale blue dawn light while your phone buzzed endlessly with schedule notifications.
over the past few weeks, your life had become filled almost entirely with “blue lips.”
creative meetings, camera tests, wardrobe fittings, chemistry readings, storyboard revisions.
you’d met with the cinematographer twice alone just to discuss facial framing during emotional close-up shots.
rhe director was obsessive in the best possible way.
every visual detail mattered.
you also had several rehearsals with the members before filming officially began, not full acting rehearsals, but movement coordination, emotional pacing discussions, and camera positioning workshops.
those meetings unexpectedly became some of your favorite parts of preparation.
the members were involved in everything, fun to be around, and easygoing.
the filming location for day one was an abandoned motel complex outside seoul, transformed entirely by the production team overnight.
the moment your van pulled into the parking area, you could already see massive lighting rigs glowing through the early morning fog. staff members rushed everywhere carrying cables, garment bags, equipment cases.
the assistant director greeted you immediately.
“good morning y/n!”
“good morning,” you answered with a sleepy smile.
“you’re our first cast member here.”
“that’s concerning.”
he laughed. “the members finished rehearsal extra late last night, so they’re probably on their way.”
the makeup trailer smelled faintly like hairspray and coffee when you climbed inside, and for the next hour, your face slowly transformed into the exhausted melancholy the character required.
light concealer, smudged eyeliner, pale lips and a subtle shadows beneath your eyes.
the stylist adjusted your navy dress while reviewing continuity photos carefully.
“you look too healthy,” she complained.
“thank you?”
“no, for the scene.” she laughed.
she proceeded to make you look emotionally devastated again, because apparently it was a thing.
by the time you stepped back outside, the set had fully awakened, and unfortunately for your nervous system, so had cortis.
“you survived,” martin announced dramatically the moment he spotted you.
“barely.”
“you look sad already,” keonho noted approvingly.
“the makeup team worked very hard for this depression.”
juhoon immediately pointed toward your sweater, the oversized one you had put over the dress for temperature purposes. “damn youre even dressed like a cortis member now.”
you laughed softly while greeting everyone properly. the atmosphere felt noticeably easier compared to the dinner weeks ago.
familiar now, not totally strangers anymore.
even the staff interactions had relaxed over time.
then you spotted james standing near the monitor screens speaking quietly with the cinematographer.
black hoodie and messy dark hair, sleepy eyes.
he looked up when you approached.
“morning,” he greeted quietly.
“you look awake.”
a small laugh escaped him. “got some redbull, want one?”
“im good thanks, they make my heart go crazy.”
“…fair point.”
the first scene filmed that day took place inside one of the motel rooms.
the set design was extremely cortis-coded, sand in lieu of the floor, and dozens of misplaced items such as buoys and rubber ducks. dim blue lighting flooded cracked walls while rain projections moved softly across thin curtains. old cassette tapes littered the floor beside overflowing ashtrays and unfinished cups of coffee.
the room looked like something out of an abstract painting,
you sat cross-legged on the motel bed while martin paced near the window during his verse,
your role wasn’t to comfort him directly but rather just to exist beside him.
the director explained carefully before filming:
“you represent the reason he keeps enduring everything. not because you save him, but because loneliness feels lighter beside you.”
martin nodded thoughtfully, he hadn’t wanted to make this into a romantic music video but here you didn’t portray a lover but rather an emotion?
you understood immediately.
“action.” the room fell silent.
music echoed softly through hidden speakers while martin moved through the scene naturally, frustration building beneath restrained expressions. he was truly at ease with the cameras, the level of empathy needed to be an actor was really highlighted, so much so that you already begun imagining different career paths for him.
you watched him from the bed quietly, not smiling just observing while the camera cut through the room. the windows were open letting the curtains flow around martin’s figure.
the director loved it instantly.
“perfect,” he muttered behind the monitors. “don’t overact. keep it restrained.”
the next several hours blurred together in typical filming chaos. different angles, different lighting setups, endless camera adjustments.
one sequence involved all the members sitting together inside the motel’s dim laundromat at while water overflowed from broken machines slowly across the floor. another one showed you walking through narrow motel hallways illuminated entirely by flickering vending machine lights while james followed several steps behind, never quite reaching you.
the symbolism stayed subtle but emotionally heavy, it was truly nice seeing how invested they were in the artistic process.
at one point during setup delays, juhoon challenged everyone to balance grapes on their noses, it seemed like a common occurrence really, like it happened everyday.
seonghyeon succeeded immediately somehow.
martin cheated shamelessly, and you nearly choked when keonho dropped his directly into hot coffee.
meanwhile james sat across from you quietly watching them fool around.
“i really thought you’d be crazier,” you told him.
“i’m just too tired for that, i feel like u go through a threshold when you turn 20 and then you don’t have energy anymore,” he answered.
“hah, skill issues”
james smiled, his teeth peeking out as he wrapped his fluffy blanket around his shoulders.
the first real scene between you and him happened around noon. the setup was intimate visually but emotionally restrained.
a narrow hallway and a green screen for special effects purposes, you’d heard they wanted to add some kind of animal, again very cortis-coded.
your character sat against the wall while james stood nearby after an implied argument no audience would fully see.
no dialogue, just acted out emotional aftermath.
the director approached both of you before filming.
“don’t play romance,” he smiled “i know you’re used to it for the dramas etc and you’re obviously amazing at it, but right now it’s more….” he instructed carefully. “… familiarity.”
you nodded. and james beside you nodded too.
“action.”
the silence between you inside the scene felt strangely real almost immediately.
you stood while james leaned against the opposite wall, enunciating his verse while looking at you.
then slowly, without speaking, he slid a cup of vending machine coffee across the floor toward you.
that was it.
that was the scene.
the director looked content watching playback.
“…yeah,” he murmured softly. “that’s the feeling.”
⋆˙⟡. ⋆˙⟡
by lunchtime, everyone looked genuinely exhausted already.
the production team moved outside near equipment trucks while staff distributed boxed meals and drinks. without cameras rolling constantly, the atmosphere shifted completely.
less professional.
you ended up seated in a circle of foldable camping chairs beside the members near the edge of the parking lot. large plaid blankets covered everyone because the wind had turned freezing unexpectedly.
martin looked half-dead beneath his blanket cocoon.
“i can’t feel my fingers anymore.”
“that’s because you keep standing in the rain you dick face,” seonghyeon replied calmly.
“the pics go hard though,”
“you’re gonna get hypothermia, that’s gonna hit harder.” a staff member said while walking past with cardboard boxes.
seonghyeon pointed at him like saying ‘see?’
you sat between juhoon and james while balancing hot soup carefully in your hands. for the first time all day, there were no managers nearby. no stylists fixing clothes, and no directors discussing angles.
just all of you resting together.
the conversation drifted naturally between random topics.
keonho confessed he once cried over fried chicken during debut preparations.
“that’s deeply moving,” you told him, ironically.
“it was a spiritual experience, shoulda been there.”
juhoon pointed at james suddenly like a kid remembering something, “he once got emotional over taiwanese food.”
james looked confused immediately,
“that happened once and stop oversharing dude.”
“three times.” juhoon raised a finger matter-of-factly.
you smiled quietly into your drink.
the members clearly adored embarrassing each other.
eventually martin stretched dramatically in his chair.
bside you, james sat slightly hunched in his chair scrolling through his phone silently, dark hair messy from filming. the sunlight caught faintly against the silver rings on his fingers.
and unfortunately for him, martin suddenly looked down at his screen with the exact expression of someone about to ruin another person’s life for entertainment.
“oh my god.”
james immediately narrowed his eyes.
Keonho physically turned away coughing dramatically into his fist.
“you know what’s weird?”
“what?” you asked.
“i feel like we haven’t addressed the rhino in the room.”
“elephant dude…” juhoon corrected.
“no this one’s way bigger and has big ahh horns and shit.”
you sat back, digging into your lunch, as everyone shot him a confused look.
“go straight to the point.”
“bro james, show y/n your saved folder on tiktok.”
james didn’t even look up from his phone when he said it, but the immediate redness creeping across his ears betrayed him instantly. he dropped his phone backwards on his lap.
“dawg shutup.” he gave you an awkward smile, “don’t mind him.”
“what’s in the folder ?” you asked, chewing on your food like you really had no clue wtf they were talking about.
“fangirling material” keonho coughed, looking around like ‘who said dat’.
“yeah my dude right here has thousands of edits of you saved.” martin chuckled, pushing his sunglasses on his nose like they would hide his amusement.
“why you out him like that?” you smiled, glancing at james.
the latter had one of his eyebrows raised, frozen and staring straight ahead.
“it’s nothing weird or creepy, he just always talks about how you’re the best actress korea has ever known.” seonghyeon comes to the rescue.
“well that’s sweet, can i see?” you turn directly to james now, trying to get him to look up at you.
the entire circle exploded immediately.
“OH MAH GOD.”
“BROTHER STAND UP.”
james looked ready to walk directly into traffic.
“it’s literally nothing,” he muttered.
“oh its absolutely somthing,” juhoon corrected.
you laughed quietly while trying to catch james’ gaze again.
“now i’m curious.”
for a second, he just stared at you, trying to determine whether you were joking maybe. but your expression stayed open and amused rather than mocking.
eventually he sighed softly through his nose.
“you guys are evil.”
martin looked proud. “look who decided to man up.”
james unlocked his phone slowly, still visibly embarrassed, before turning the screen slightly toward you.
and immediately your eyes widened. “dang.”
not because it was creepy or anything, it was just… extensive, there was a lot, you could probably scroll down a few times and still not come to the end of it.
edits from your dramas, interview clips, award show moments, cinematic compilations with dramatic music. one fan edit from winter static with over four million likes. you stared at the screen in disbelief while james, him, visibly contemplated death beside you.
“wait,” you laughed softly, “this edit has better color grading than my actual drama.”
james rubbed tiredly at his forehead.
“i told you it wasn’t weird.” martin mouthed.
“it’s adorable,” keonho corrected immediately. “he’s like a little fan boy.”
“it’s cinema appreciation,” martin added dramatically.
you kept scrolling slowly through the folder, some videos were emotional scene compilations while others focused on your interviews or behind-the-scenes moments.
then you paused at one specific edit. it was from salt to the sea. a scene where your character silently broke down at a bus stop in the rain while pretending to smile.
you remembered filming that scene vividly, it had taken hours because emotions were raw and because portraying mental decay and insanity was harsh on you.
“you saved this one?” you asked softly.
james nodded once. “it’s my favorite scene.”
something in his voice changed slightly when he said it. you’d knew then that this wasn’t a stupid crush or anything like that, it was just someone truly appreciating someone’s art.
you looked at him curiously. “why?”
for a moment, he seemed surprised by the question itself but then he answered honestly.
“because it didn’t feel acted.”
the others had quieted now too, because james rarely spoke this openly. he kept his eyes on the phone screen instead of directly on you.
“a lot of emotional scenes feel polished i think,” he continued carefully. “but that one just felt… human. and you transmit emotions in a way ive never seen before.”
your chest tightened unexpectedly, actors spent years hoping audiences would notice performances beyond aesthetics, not beauty or popularity, and in that moment you felt seen.
and somehow james articulated exactly what you’d wanted people to get from that scene years ago. you smiled softly without realizing it.
“thank you.” he finally looked up then.
and the expression on his face almost made your stomach flip unexpectedly, because he looked relieved, like he’d worried you might misunderstand him completely.
martin abruptly pointed between both of you.
“see this is why they have chemistry.”
“i been saying.” keonho added.
“oh my god,” james groaned, rolling his eyes.
“you literally analyze her scenes like a film professor,” juhoon added. “no really y/n we have to put up with his shit all the time.”
“meanwhile I just cry and move on,” keonho admitted.
“that’s cause you lack emotional depth,” martin informed him.
“you cried during toy story 3 my dude, fuck you mean emotional depth.”
“that movie is devastating.”
you laughed again, warmth settling naturally into your chest now. and honestly? there was something strangely touching about discovering that james admired your work so genuinely before ever meeting you. not in the shallow celebrity-crush way people often assumed.
he paid attention, and it explained a lot actually. from the thoughtful comments during rehearsals to the way he approached scenes carefully.
entually you handed his phone back gently.
“well,” you announced lightly, “i’m honored to apparently live inside your tiktok algorithm.”
james looked like he wanted the earth to swallow him whole, but beneath the embarrassment, there was the faintest smile tugging at the corner of his mouth now too.
thankfully martin immediately ruined the moment.
“wow,” he sighed dramatically. “cinema soulmates.”
⋆˙⟡. ⋆˙⟡
the second half of filming resumed around three in the afternoon. and somehow became even more chaotic. the official tiktok team arrived, which instantly destroyed any remaining dignity on set.
“oh no,” you muttered the moment you saw phones appearing.
“oh yes,” juhoon corrected.
you really weren’t into the whole tiktok filming thing, you’d given it a try but you looked akward more than anything.
thas how between filming emotional scenes, the members suddenly transformed into content demons. incorporating dance challenges to ‘blue lips’ choreographies that mind you, didn’t have anything to do with the vibes.
at one pointartin forced everyone into a trending transition video while staff members tried not to laugh watching from behind cameras. your manager had said something about requiring a few content for social media.
“you have experience with idol tiktoks already,” keonho accused while reviewing footage.
the social media manager immediately brightened.
“can we film one with only james and y/n too?”
james looked genuinely alarmed.
“why me?”
“fans will love it.”
unfortunately he was right.
the video itself was simple, just a slow cinematic trend using audio from “blue lips.” the concept involved james walking past the camera before the transition revealed you standing in the same hallway afterward, doing a silly tiktok dance.
easy in theory. except james became awkward anytime the camera focused too directly on him outside official filming.
“you’re overthinking it,” you told him while the staff reset lighting.
“i know.”
“pretend it’s an actual scene.”
“that’s worse.”
you laughed softly. and weirdly enough, that finally relaxed him.
the final take turned out perfect. the social media staff looked thrilled immediately.
“oh this shit is DEFINITELY going viral.” martin smiled at the screen. “‘s like two fandoms crossing.”
james looked exhausted already. “you people terrify me.”
“you chose fame my guy” martin reminded him.
“i was young and vulnerable.”
the sun had already started setting by the time day one finally wrapped.
everyone looked tired, cold and emotionally drained, but satisfied.
as staff members slowly began dismantling equipment around the motel set, you stood near the monitors reviewing final shots with the director. and honestly? the footage looked beautiful. exactly what the song deserved.
⋆˙⟡. ⋆˙⟡
you said your goodbyes to the staff slowly before heading toward your van. as you climbed inside, your phone buzzed immediately.
lee minjae: u alive?
you snorted softly. you and minjae existed in that messy category of relationship nobody defined properly. friends sometimes, colleagues, occasional hookups other times. mostly convenience mixed with familiarity.
there had never really been emotions involved, which was probably why it worked.
he wasn’t deep, he was a stable constant, always there but not too much.
you: barely
minjae: come over after shoot?
you stared at the message for a second. normally maybe you would’ve considered it. a few hours together. satisfying sex, temporary distraction from exhausting schedules.
but tonight your entire body ached, and honestly?you just wanted silence.
you: too tired tonight sorry
three dots appeared immediately.
minjae: damn they got u working like a victorian child again
you smiled faintly.
you: exactly
by the time you arrived home, it was nearly midnight. your apartment felt blissfully quiet after the nonstop noise of filming equipment and staff chatter all day.
the first thing you did was shower. a long scrumptious hot shower. enough to thaw the cold still trapped inside your muscles from the rain scenes.
then came your actual night routine, an oversized hoodie, hair clipped loosely away from your face and your skincare lined neatly across the bathroom counter.
you moved through the routine automatically by now. cleanser, moisturizer, lip mask. finally you applied a cooling sheet face mask while walking barefoot into the kitchen for tea.
you were trying to be aesthetic but that failed instantly because the taste was awful. you hated tea. your apartment lights stayed dim while city noise hummed faintly outside enormous windows.
you should’ve slept immediately, but instead, you curled up on the couch with another script resting across your lap.
your next drama project. a psychological thriller filming later that year. something about wishes and an app. the character notes were covered in your messy handwriting already, underlined motivations, emotional beats, scene interpretations. you read through several pages while absentmindedly sipping tea, still half-lost in the atmosphere of “blue lips.”
then, annoyingly your thoughts drifted toward james again. specifically the way he observed scenes afterward instead of rushing away between takes. the way he listened carefully during emotional discussions.
the saved tiktok folder probably.
you smiled quietly to yourself before tossing the script aside.
“absolutely not,” you muttered aloud.
your brain needed sleep.
you eventually fell asleep sideways on the couch beneath a blanket, script pages still scattered nearby.
⋆˙⟡. ⋆˙⟡
the next morning arrived cruelly fast. your alarm went off at 4:30 a.m.
you genuinely considered quitting the entertainment industry for a corporate job. for three full seconds before dragging yourself awake. today was the swimming pool shoot.
which meant one thing: cold.
the production studio sat inside an enormous indoor filming complex on the outskirts of seoul. when your van pulled inside, you immediately spotted massive water tanks, underwater camera rigs, lighting cranes suspended from ceilings, and crew members in waterproof gear rushing around the space.
the swimming pool itself looked unreal, huge and deep blue. artificial fog drifting softly above the surface beneath enormous studio lights.
underwater speakers played instrumental versions of “blue lips,” the haunting melody echoing strangely through the massive room.
the atmosphere felt dreamlike already. you stepped toward makeup still half-awake while staring around the set.
“this is insane,” you murmured.
one of the stylists laughed. “wait until you’re underwater for four hours.”
“don’t say things like that.” you chuckled, mentally preparing for the cold.
the styling process took almost two hours, you had to have the perfect amount of color corrector to look a certain way under the blue lights, but the makeup itself focused heavily on softness.
wet skin and smudged lashes with the signature pale lips, like someone submerged too long.
then came wardrobe, the dress waiting for you hung beside the styling rack beneath protective plastic. it was white and long, thin enough to become almost translucent underwater.
beautiful in a ghost way,
“its gonna weigh like twenty pounds once soaked,” the stylist warned while helping adjust the fabric.
“great. good news” you chuckled with her, sipping on your iced coffee.
“you’ll look amazing suffering though.”
when you finally stepped onto set fully dressed, several crew members visibly paused for a second. the dress flowed around you softly beneath the blue studio lights, already giving you an almost ghostlike appearance against the dark water.
and unfortunately, you also immediately spotted james already inside the pool.
your breath caught slightly, without you wanting, he gave you a small smile and went back to focusing.
his dark hair was completely soaked, floating against his forehead while stylists adjusted the drenched white button-up clinging to his frame underwater.
the first underwater sequence involved you diving into the pool after spotting james floating motionless beneath the surface. the symbolism represented trying to save someone emotionally drowning alongside you, from you’d been told.
the stunt coordinator explained everything carefully beforehand,
“you dive here,” he instructed, pointing toward a marked edge of the pool. “swim toward james, grab his wrist first, then pull upward.”
you nodded while adjusting your breathing, underwater filming always exhausted actors faster than people realized because everything became heavier and slower, each movement required extra strength.
after a few minutes of touch ups and the crew getting ready, you heard the director behind you.
“ready?”
you inhaled deeply. “yep, we can go ahead, i’m ready.”
the music started playing and like a choreography, you looked at the pool, seeing him in the water, the camera angled towards you as you walked, then dove.
cold swallowed you instantly, the white dress blooming around your body beneath the water while muted instrumentals echoed through the pool speakers.
across from you, james floated eerily still beneath blue lighting, eyes closed and body suspended weightlessly. you swam toward him quickly, fingers catching around his wrist before trying to pull him upward.
but the soaked fabric tangled instantly around your legs.
you both resurfaced coughing.
“cut!” everyone burst into laughter immediately.
“the dress is trying to murder me, i’m sorry, could we get it shortened maybe?” you gasped.
james pushed wet hair back from his forehead, laughing quietly too.
take two went smoother.
this time you reached him properly underwater, grabbing his arm while his eyes slowly opened beneath the surface.
the moment felt strangely intimate underwater, just eye contact and drifting fabric surrounded by blue light. you understood in that moment how one could think actors fell in love on set. this is probably how those stories started.
you pulled him upward carefully while cameras followed beside you.
“cut— beautiful!” several staff members clapped softly.
the cinematographer looked thrilled reviewing the monitor playback.
“again,” the director called. “one more for safety.”
several more takes followed afterward, some focused entirely on your expression underwater and others captured james reaching toward you weakly beneath the surface before sinking again.
by the fourth take, both of you were visibly freezing. your teeth chattered violently between resets while staff wrapped heated robes around your shoulders immediately after each cut
james looked equally exhausted.
“you okay?” you asked quietly while makeup artists fixed wet hair from his face.
he nodded once. “you?”
“yeah i’m good, cold though.”
martin suggested later, a brilliant idea really, that you guys filmed a tiktok with the sound ‘swim’ by bts, which you agreed to unwillingly.
the next sequence paired you with juhoon underwater instead. the concept was more abstract emotionally.
no rescue, no struggle, just two people drifting around each other in slow movements beneath dark blue lighting while the instrumental played overhead.
the underwater choreographer demonstrated soft turning motions and hand placements before filming began.
and once submerged, everything became eerily beautiful. your dress floated weightlessly around you while juhoon reached toward your hand underwater, both of you spinning slowly beneath the lights like fading memories. hair drifting, and fabric swirling.
at one point the director asked both of you to simply float motionless beside one another underwater while staring upward toward the surface.
the result looked haunting on playback and by the time the morning shoot finally paused, your entire body felt frozen.
staff immediately wrapped a heated blanket around your shoulders while you sat shivering near portable heaters.
wet hair clung to your neck while makeup artists tried repairing smudged eyeliner.
and then,
“rough?”
you looked up.
james stood nearby still damp from filming, oversized gray hoodie thrown over soaked clothes. you smiled tiredly.
“i can’t feel my limbs anymore.”
“good sign.”
“for hypothermia maybe.”
he laughed quietly before sitting beside you on one of the equipment cases, he reached on the small table behind him and handed you a warm drink of something.
“there you go, so you don’t get hypothermia.”
you smiled some more, fingers wrapping against the hot cup to get warm. “thanks, i owe you one.”
for a moment neither of you spoke, the massive studio echoed softly around you, crew members moving lights, water rippling gently behind cameras, distant instrumentals still playing faintly underwater.
then James glanced toward the pool.
“the underwater shots looked insane.”
“you saw playback?”
he nodded. “the scene where you grabbed my arm looked…” he paused slightly, “pretty real.”
you looked at him curiously beneath the blanket wrapped around you.
“well you were very convincing as a drowning man.”
“years of experience.”
you laughed softly.
and weirdly enough, sitting there dripping wet beside him beneath freezing studio lights felt strangely peaceful.
eventually lunch break arrived annd somehow the atmosphere felt even friendlier today than yesterday. everyone sat together around folding tables in oversized hoodies and blankets while inhaling hot food like survival depended on it.
martin looked emotionally broken already.“underwater filming was invented by sadists dude, fuck my life.”
“you swallowed half the pool, i’m dead.” keonho reminded him, cracking up.
“and lemme tell you something, that water tasted expensive. i kid you not i bet they fill it with fiji water.”
at some point seonghyeon asked about your upcoming project and everyone listened genuinely while you explained the thriller script you’d been preparing for.
“it’s like a cursed app thingy, shamanism and stuff.”
“shit that’s so cool, i wish i was an actor.” juhoon looked down.
“bro wants to be everything. model, idol, police man, dude pick a fight.” keonho turned to him.
“no but lowkey, acting is so cool, sounds exhausting though.”
“she works too much,” james said suddenly like he’d been thinking about it.
you blinked. “so do you.”
“yeah,” he admitted quietly. “but still.”
by early afternoon, your filming schedule wrapped for the day while the members prepared for additional solo scenes that didn’t involve you.
you said goodbye gradually while staff removed underwater equipment behind everyone.
“survive your scenes,” you told them while gathering your bag.
“no promises,” martin sighed dramatically.
juhoon saluted weakly from beneath three blankets.
and james looked up from his chair near the monitors.
“get home safe,” he said softly.
you smiled automatically, you did a lot of that these days.
“you too.”
then you climbed back into your van still smelling faintly like chlorine and studio fog, completely exhausted while Seoul blurred softly outside the windows on the drive home.
⋆˙⟡. ⋆˙⟡
the studio doors slid shut behind your van and for about three full seconds, silence settled across the set.
then martin slowly turned toward james with the most insufferable grin imaginable.
“so.” he wiggled an eyebrow “how’s the crush going?”
james didn’t even look up from the towel draped over his head. “i’m going to drown you in that pool i swear to god.”
keonho gasped dramatically from nearby “you’re getting violent towards your homeboy, all this…. just for a woman. what happened to bros before hoes.”
“shut yo ass up keonho” james retorted.
“that sounded defensive,” juhoon pointed out immediately.
the members were still scattered around the massive pool set wrapped in blankets while staff members reset lighting for the next scenes. Wet clothes hung over equipment racks nearby, and the dress you had been wearing was there too.
james sat near one of the portable heaters trying to thaw himself back to life. unfortunately his members refused to let him exist peacefully.
martin dragged a chair directly beside him.
“no because lowkenuinely,” he continued, “you’re down catastrophic dude, talm about some artistic respect, man fuhhhh that”
james sighed deeply. “you guys say this every day.”
“because every day you prove us right,” seonghyeon replied calmly while sipping hot coffee.
james looked betrayed. “you too dude? no support whatsoever.”
“i support realism, fuck you mean.”
juhoon pointed dramatically across the empty set where you had been standing earlier beneath your heating blanket.
“bro looked at her like she personally invented cinema. she must be one of the lumiere brothers the way he bowed down to her.”
“ah shutup man, you don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
martin physically mimicked james’ expression from earlier, staring into the distance with exaggerated emo sadness.
“‘the underwater shots looked insane dude.’”
keonho clutched his chest dramatically. “the yearning…”
james shoved martin weakly with one hand.
“you’re all actually unbearable you bunch of virgins.”
“i might be a virgin looser,” martin replied smugly, “but i’m not incorrect.”
james groaned and leaned further back in his chair, towel still hanging over damp hair.
honestly? he knew they weren’t entirely wrong. that was the problem.
at first, before filming started, the crush had felt manageable, he just thought you happened to be the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, but overall just a celebrity crush. just someone he admired for their moving work. normal. but now?
after working a couple weeks with you in meetings, small artistic gatherings and whatnot, now that you sat beside him during breaks laughing quietly into your coffee. now he knew the exact expression you made before cameras rolled.
it was becoming a bad thing. what had started as a harmless crush, tripled in size by the hours. and apparently it was painfully obvious.
martin watched him silently for a second before speaking again, this time less teasing and more curious.
“you actually like her, huh?”
james stayed quiet, which unfortunately answered the question immediately.
keonho slowly sighed, “oh he’s cooked.”
“deeply cooked,” juhoon agreed.
james rubbed at his face tiredly. “i just think she’s…” he paused.
the members looked at him expectantly.
“really easy to be around. but i don’t thinks it’s a crush, it’s just admiration.”
that softened the teasing slightly, because they understood exactly what he meant cause you never acted superior despite your fame. never made filming awkward, never demanded attention. you listened carefully during conversations. thanked every staff member individually. stayed professional while still feeling warm somehow.
even martin had admitted privately that working with you felt comfortable.
still—
that didn’t justify why james felt this way,
martin leaned forward again. “she looks like she likes you too though.”
james immediately looked up. “… huh.”
“oh my god,” keonho groaned. “there he goes.”
“I’m serious,” martin insisted. “you think she smiles at all of us like that?”
“yes?” james replied cautiously.
the entire group stared at him. seonghyeon looked almost offended.
“she definitely doesn’t. she’s under that zhao yufine shit charm.”
juhoon nodded aggressively. “she laughs at your jokes specifically. That’s important.”
“that means nothing.”
“it means everything.” they continue feeding into his delusion.
james rolled his eyes but his ears had already started turning pink again. martin looked delighted noticing it.
“and the way she looked at you during lunch?”
“please stop talking.”
“nah cause see i’m analyzing.”
“nobody asked you to.”
martin ignored him completely.
“there’s tension.”
“there’s literally not.” james rolled his eyes.
“brother she asked to see your saved edits folder voluntarily.”
keonho pointed upward like that proved divine intervention existed. “that’s basically marriage.”
james nearly choked on his drink. “yall need serious help.”
juhoon shrugged. “we’re not the one staring at an actress like she’s gta 6 with a 50% discount.”
silence, then seonghyeon added calmly:
“don’t listen to him, that shot did look kinda insane though.”
unfortunately that was true. even the staff had noticed the chemistry during playback earlier.
martin suddenly leaned back in his chair dramatically.
“damn.”
“what now.”
“now that i think about it you’re living every man’s dream.”
james narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “what that mean?”
“you have a mutual slowburn with the nation’s most beautiful actress while filming a devastating music video. shit you might be blessed.”
“you need to touch grass.”
⋆˙⟡. ⋆˙⟡
the final day of filming arrived wrapped in rain.
real rain this time, not artificial studio water or carefully controlled downpours created by production crews. actual gray skies stretched over the city from early morning onward, leaving streets slick and reflective beneath traffic lights.
your manager glanced out the van window while driving toward set.
“kind of fitting. did you grab an umbrella?”
you hummed softly in response, half-awake beneath your hoodie. last night you’d slept a little late, crawling under work. you were also preparing to be the mc of a variety show in a few months, everything was kinda crazy.
the atmosphere already felt different before you even arrived, final filming days always carried a strange emotional weight to them, even though this one wasn’t a big one, it still felt too good to end. you’d truly loved the project and the aesthetics, but especially working with the whole cortis crew. you saw shoots as a little world that people packed up once it was over.
you arrived at the set around six in the morning, as today was a shorter day, more centered around correcting any possible mistakes and issues.
today’s location was an abandoned indoor train station with graffitis on the wall. the signature blue fluorescent lights reflected against wet concrete floors while massive industrial fans pushed cold air through the enormous space probably to add visual effects onth hair. fake rainwater dripped steadily from ceiling pipes into shallow puddles arranged carefully for reflections.
The final scenes today would focus heavily on group shots, lypsincing with no excessive action.
you stepped into the makeup room while staff buzzed around quietly preparing for the day and even the stylists had stopped pretending they enjoyed early call times.
today’s makeup stayed minimal again, pale skinn, tired eyes and slight redness beneath the lashes. your stylist pinned sections of damp hair away from your face while studying continuity photos carefully.
“does this bother you? the piece of hair in your face.”
“yeah, if you could possibly pin it, please.”
“sure, should i add some more product or does that feel like too much on your head right now?”
“do whatever you think looks best, you’re the professional, either way you do amazing work.”
“you’re annoyingly kind, what are we gonna do once you’re gone.”
you laughed softly. “might need to start working on my sets.”
outside the trailer, you could already hear the members somewhere nearby arguing loudly over coffee. by the time you stepped onto set fully dressed, filming had already started on martin’s opening shots.
you paused automatically near the monitor screens. the scene looked pretty sick, martin stood alone beneath flickering station lights while rainwater dripped from dark hair onto his face, he was wearing baggy jeans as always.
you watched quietly beside the director until someone approached from your left.
“morning.”
james.
you looked up. his dark jacket hung loosely over layered black clothing while damp hair fell messily across his forehead. He looked tired too.
“morning,” you replied. “you look freezing.”
“i am freezing.”
you dug inside your pockets, “well i have these pocket warmer thingys, if you’d like one.”
he blinked once, then nodded as you handed them over, “warm, thank you”
you noticed immediately that talking to him no longer felt careful because atthe beginning of filming, every interaction carried awareness beneath it. professional politeness and measured conversation.
now things slipped naturally, like two good friends working together.
the assistant director eventually called you both toward the first setup together.
today’s scene involved you and james sitting inside the abandoned train car while rain hammered softly against the windows outside. you were supposed to be just sitting there, special effects added later to make it look like the train was moving, and to stare at the camera while james lip synced.
the director explained quietly before filming:
“remember, you’ve both stayed in the water too long by this point emotionally.”
you nodded.
“no dramatic sadness,” he continued. “you’re past that stage now. just tired.”
james glanced toward you briefly after that, and an eye contact that lingered half a second too long ended in a small smile.
“action.”
your character stared absently out the rain-covered window. and james watched you, lip syncing the word as if he were actually talking to you.
my blue lips ( we’ve been in here way too long) i’ve been feeling way too cold.
then slowly, your eyes met his, nothing dramatic. no touching. no speaking. but something unspoken passed between both characters anyway. recognition maybe. the understanding that neither of you knew how to leave the pool anymore.
“cut.”
nobody spoke immediately. the director stared at the playback monitor for several seconds before exhaling softly.
“…yeah.”
several staff members exchanged glances quietly behind cameras.
“let’s do a couple more just to be sure, but i’ve never gone through a scene this quickly, you guys are truly phenomenal.”
⋆˙⟡. ⋆˙⟡
the next few hours passed through constant filming setups around the station. one sequence involved all the members standing motionless on separate train platforms while water slowly flooded the tracks below them.
another showed you wandering through empty hallways while distorted station announcements echoed overhead. everything felt dreamlike. the emotional tone of the project had settled fully into everyone now.
between takes, the members still joked around constantly, but softer today, like everyone subconsciously knew this temporary atmosphere was ending soon.
at one point keonho started aggressively singing ‘blue lips’ while staff reset lighting equipment.
martin threw a plastic spoon at him. “shut the fuck up bro.”
“yeah dude i’m tired of the song already. i’ve been hearing it too much.” juhoon expressed.
“fair.”
you smiled quietly from your seat beside a portable heater, you had your phone in hand, you and a friend texting back and forth about an upcoming event.
james sat nearby scrolling through monitor playback again.
you nudged his shoe lightly with yours. “you re gonna watch every take?”
he glanced up. “most.”
“why?”
he considered the question briefly. “i don’t know we all look pretty fly in them, it doesn’t feel like reality.”
you smiled faintly. “so i’m not fly off screen? that what you’re saying?”:
a small silence settled before he quietly corrected himself, “no, you look pretty fly all the time i’d say, i was mostly talking about me and the guys.”
before you could respond, martin suddenly appeared between both of you holding coffee cups.
“wow.” he said, dreamy.
james closed his eyes immediately, smiling amused. “please fuck off before i loose it.”
“am i interrupting cinema?”
“yes,” both of you answered at the exact same time.
james and you were growing friendlier, talking more, like it came easy. nothing had happened technically.
but something was definitely happening.
the afternoon scenes focused heavily on physical closeness.
one setup involved james resting his forehead briefly against yours while both characters sat on the flooding train tracks, completely exhausted. this was specially intricate, because it couldn’t cross an invisible line at the risk of upsetting fans.
the director explained carefully beforehand:
“you’re comforting each other without actually fixing anything.”
the scene sounded simple, but it absolutely was not. how could you communicate a feeling that wasn’t love, but still looked like it.
the station lights dimmed low around you while cameras moved closer slowly.
“action.”
you sat facing one another in silence. water started flowing the tracks, but none of you paid attention..
then slowly, james leaned forward, his forehead touching yours lightly. warm despite the cold set.
the proximity felt startling suddenly because you could hear his breathing, feel it on your mouth. feel water dripping from his hair against your skin.
things like these happened more than you’d like to think, physical touch scenes were always complicated to film because of the body’s natural reactions to being close to someone, it wasn’t necessarily that much of a challenge with james because you didn’t mind his closeness.
and worse, neither of you pulled away immediately after the director called cut.
just half a second too long, like you’d enjoyed it.
“that’s wrap!”
the entire station exploded instantly. staff members cheering. applause echoing everywhere.
you blinked slowly beneath dripping hair while reality returned all at once.
james looked at you quietly and for one strange suspended second, neither of you joined the celebration immediately, just stood there beneath the rain staring at each other like maybe something unfinished still lingered.
then martin screamed somewhere nearby:
“YES MY CHICKENS, THATS A WRAAAAAP.”
and you couldn’t help but burst into laughter.
⋆˙⟡. ⋆˙⟡
james stood quieter near the monitor station speaking softly with the director while absentmindedly pushing soaked hair away from his face.
your eyes drifted toward him automatically.
dangerous habit.
he looked handsome like that, with a bandaid on his left cheek from a careless scratch.
the director eventually gathered everyone together beneath the rooftop overhang for final thank-yous.
“i mean this genuinely,” he said while looking between you and the members, “this project only worked because everybody trusted each other emotionally.”
the atmosphere softened instantly.
the cinematographer nodded toward you specifically.
“we had to chance to work with the amazing y/l/n y/n, you brought exactly the realism we needed.”
you bowed your head slightly.
“thank you for trusting me with it.”
“and thank you,” the director added while turning toward the members, “for being vulnerable enough to tell this story honestly.”
“oh no,” Keonho sighed dramatically. “that’s so artistic i might cry.”
eventually people started separating naturally, staff packing up, managers discussing post-prod, stylists collecting clothing pieces from dressing rooms downstairs.
you had just started walking toward the elevators when martin suddenly clapped loudly behind you.
“food.”
juhoon looked up instantly from inside his fuzzy blanket.
“yes.”
“i’m serious,” martin continued. “we survived hypothermia together. we deserve meat.”
“real,” juhoon agreed.
“there’s a barbecue place nearby,” seonghyeon offered.
everyone looked interested instantly. then martin turned toward you.
“you’re coming.”
you blinked. “ was that a question or do i not have a choice ?”
“you don’t.”
twenty minutes later, the six of you were crammed into a private room inside a small korean barbecue restaurant tucked into a quieter seoul side street.
the moment you stepped inside, heat hit your freezing skin instantly. actual heaven.
everyone collapsed around the low table dramatically while staff brought endless plates of meat and side dishes.
shoes were kicked off beneath seats and heoodies tossed carelessly aside. exhaustion settling comfortably over everyone.
martin immediately raised his water glass.
“to good meat”
“cheers.”
“to chlorine poisoning,” juhoon added, coughing.
you laughed softly while clinking glasses with everyone. you and james were the only ones drinking alcohol as you were the only people of age, you had picked a japanese beer while he went with strawberry soju.
the atmosphere loosened almost instantly afterward, alcohol seeped in your veins, making you instantly more comfortable. conversations overlapped naturally while grills crackled loudly in the center of the table.
martin aggressively cooked meat while pretending he was a professional chef while keonho criticized him nonstop. juhoon kept stealing pieces directly off the grill before they finished cooking.
“you people are animals,” seonghyeon muttered calmly. “someone’s gonna get food poisoning if you don’t wait for the meat to cook.”
“erm hello? i’m martin edwards park i don’t get food poisoning. the only i poison is dat beeeeaaaat.” he said the last part loudly.
“unfortunately.”
you sat beside james almost accidentally after everyone settled into seats. not that anyone failed to notice.
the conversations drifted between memories of the tiktoks you hadmade, keonho’s hand showing the videos over the table, best places to eat in the city and other non importants.
at one point juhoon asked: “what was everyone’s hardest scene?”
“the underwater one,” keonho answered immediately. “saw my ancestors man.”
“you barely submerged.”
“dude i can’t hold my breath fr long.” he rolled his eyes.
martin pointed dramatically toward you.
“hers with James on the rooftop though?”
james closed his eyes immediately like he already knew where this was heading.
“here we go,” he muttered.
“i’m serious,” martin continued shamelessly. “the tension was insane.”
“there was no tension,” james replied too fast.
you smiled, looking at him while sipping on your second beer, the table went silent briefly.
then juhoon slowly leaned back. “that sounded crazy defensive not gon lie.”
keonho nodded solemnly. “bro folded instantly.”
you hid your smile behind your cup, he was the only one embarrassed cause you genuinely didn’t mind the teasing.
“this group is a nightmare.”
“shutup cause you’d be unemployed without us.” seonghyeon said.
“no the fuck i wouldn’t?” james frowned.
he was objectively hot, now that the alcohol made its appearance in your veins. sharp jawline and all tight muscles. nah you were definitely not going there.
but it didn’t help that at some point while everyone argued about whether mint chocolate was overrated, you reached toward the grill at the exact same moment as james.
your fingers brushed lightly.
both of you paused instinctively. the warmth blooming of the tiny moment suspended strangely long beneath restaurant lighting.
“my bad” he quickly said, leaving you space to grab meat.
who would’ve thought zhao yufan was shy when provoked.
⋆˙⟡. ⋆˙⟡
somewhere between the endless teasing, food, and celebratory drinks, you and james had both crossed into that dangerous almost-drunk state.
you hadn’t controlled the drinks, just kept diving in for some more, it felt natural, like a friend gathering.
you felt warm in the cheeks, you were probably flushed red by now, loose around the edges.
james was becoming less guarded, easier, he laughed louder now, shoulders relaxed while leaning back against the wall beside you.
at one point keonho stared dramatically between both of you across the table.
“oh my god.”
james narrowed his eyes immediately. “what now.”
“you guys are literally glowing.”
you started laughin, not because it was necessarily funny but… yeah you didn’t even know why.
james was also laughing beside you, head dropping slightly while rubbing at his eyes. “you people genuinely need hobbies.”
“we had hobbies,” martin replied. “but now we’re gonna have to take you home.”
you hid your smile behind your drink, feeling way too jolly for your wellbeing.
honestly the alcohol made everything feel softer tonight, you weren’t one to drink usually but this felt right, like finally you claimed back all those teenage years spent working. the only thing that was bad though, was james’ lingering looks and the way they felt nerve-wracking. you’d promised yourself not to be stupid, and here you were.
eventually when the table became empty, everyone slowly started gathering their things. managers had long since gone home, trusting the members enough to survive one celebratory dinner without supervision. outside, the city glittered beneath rain-slick streets and blurred neon reflections like a scene straight out of cyberpunk.
cold air hit your face immediately when you stepped out of the restaurant. “damn,” juhoon muttered. “it’s so cold”
“pissesme off, we had sun last week,” keonho agreed while tightening his jacket.
the group lingered outside for several minutes beneath the restaurant awning while figuring out rides home. juhoon seonghyeon keonho and martin called an uber, while james claimed he would wait to sober up before coming back. you were gonna call a ride back home too.
the 6’3 giant looked between you and james suspiciously one last time before grinning.
“fuck off receding hairline” martin shot back instantly.
“goodnight.” james deadpanned, already turning around.
everyone burst into laughter. then slowly, one by one, the members disappeared into separate cars still yelling dramatic goodbyes through open windows.
until eventually, only you and james remained beneath the glowing restaurant sign. rain had softened into mist now, cool against your cheeks while distant traffic hummed somewhere beyond the narrow streets.
you were painfully aware of how flushed you were and how undone your hair probably was, but decided not to worry, at the end of the day, he had seen you underwater, under the rain, in various weird situations.
then james caught your attention by shoving his hands deeper into his jacket pockets and glancing toward you.
“so…” he started softly. you looked up.
“do you have somewhere to be?”
the question lingered gently between you, he wasn’t pushy nor presumptuous. maybe he meant it in a friendly manner but it came across as hopeful.
you shook your head slightly. “not really.”
something subtle shifted in his expression then, probably relief.
“you wanna hang out a little longer?”
your stomach flipped embarrassingly fast, probably the alcohol.
“yeah,” you answered quietly like it was evident.
james smiled, the bandaid on his cheek crooking.
“cool.”
⋆˙⟡. ⋆˙⟡
twenty minutes later, the two of you stood inside a convenience store near the han river laughing over candy choices like idiots. the alcohol absolutely wasn’t helping.
“that shit’s gross, worst flavor ever. you can’t possibly eat that.” you frowned.
“watch me.”
that made both of you laugh for some reason, carefree, like two morons.
“what flavor do you want?” james chuckled,
“those peach ones, stop with the crap we’re not eating cherry ones.”
he laughed, grabbing the peach bag, almost letting it fall.
the cashier looked mildly amused while ringing everything up, he couldn’t recognize you with your masks. james insisted on paying, struggling to get his card to go through with how much he was swaying.
outside again, cold night air wrapped around both of you while plastic bags swung gently from james’ hands.
the han river stretched dark and glittering beneath city lights ahead, and you eventually settled onto a quiet bench near the water. the city skyline reflected beautifully across the river while distant bikes rolled past occasionally along the paths nearby.
you sat tucked into your coat while james leaned back against the bench beside you sipping canned coffee despite already being energetic enough.
“you know,” you murmured, “this is pretty nice actually. i never thought you and i would be friends.”
he looked toward you, the word friend stabbing through his heart. ouch.
“yeah me neither”
“you’re pretty cool, i like hanging with you.” you said, head dizzy.
you took a sip of water, leaning closer to him for warmth. you gestured vaguely between both of you and the river and the convenience store snacks.
“i don’t even really hang out with people actually. i mean- i have friends but i never have time to hang out. so this is nice. ”
james smiled faintly.
“yeah, i’m glad, you can call me anytime if you wanna hang.”
“i probably will if i have time. schedules are pretty tough these days, i bet you guys have it the same.”
he nodded at that, “yeah we’re preparing for upcoming shows and stuff, it’s hectic. but i’ll make time for you.” you looked down briefly at the snack bag in your lap, trying unsuccessfully to hide your smile.
“that sounds dangerous,” you murmured.
“what does?”
“you saying things like that.”
james laughed quietly under his breath. “sorry.”
“you don’t sound sorry.”
“i’m not.” james leaned back slightly against the bench, shoulder still brushing yours.
then suddenly he squinted toward your phone sticking halfway out of your coat pocket. “…is that an arcane keychain?”
you blinked. “maybe.”
his head turned so fast it almost made you laugh.“no way, you play league?” the genuine disbelief in his voice was somehow offensive.
“yes?” james stared at you for a full second.
“you’re lying.”
“i literally have the keychain.”
“that proves nothing. people fake interests every day.”
“you’re lame”
“i need proof.”
you immediately pulled your phone out. “gatekeeping lol like millions of people don’t already play it.”
james leaned closer automatically to look at the screen and unfortunately your shoulder pressed fully against his now. his eyes widened immediately.
“you actually play.”
“told you.”
“what rank?”
you narrowed your eyes suspiciously. “that’s classified.”
“oh my god you’re bronze.”
“i’m not bronze.”
“so silver.”
“i hate you.”
james looked genuinely delighted now, like a kid. “this changes everything.”
“how?”
“i don’t know yet but it definitely does.”
you laughed softly while shoving his shoulder lightly. “what about you then, idiot?”
he looked annoyingly smug suddenly. “emerald.”
your jaw dropped. “no way.”
“way.”
that’s how you both ended up yapping about league of legends, because it was easier to do that than to pretend like there wasn’t an underlying tension.
“and junglers— oh my god don’t even get me STARTED on junglers.”
“you literally play jungle sometimes.”
“yeah and every lane blames me for EVERYTHING. top dies in a 1v1 thirty seconds in? ‘jg diff.’ bot lane pushes to enemy tower with no wards and gets ganked six times? somehow it’s MY fault. i could physically cure disease and my mid laner would still ping my smite cooldown.”
he then realized he had spoken without stoping for a breath, so he did just that, your shoulder brushed his slightly while reaching into the snack bag.
your eyes were bored on his, slightly drunk but it wasn’t just that. maybe it was the whole league of legends rambling that got you going, who knew you were into geeks. but you suddenly felt way too honest.
“that was the hottest thing i’ve ever heard.” your eyes trailed on his face, your voice carrying the softest drunken slur.
james didn’t expect that, his eyes slightly widened, but his ears went red. “what? you’re serious? i didn’t know that league of legends was hot…”
you didn’t waste a second, alcohol bringing back that bold side of you, “no, you are.”
his eyes went wild, like he couldn’t believe what you had just. said. “huh?” he said dumbfounded.
“just keep on talking.”
james took a shaky breath, hand retreating to his lap, and he looked around trying to distract himself from your gaze, your absolutely breathtaking gaze. you were so much bolder than he ever was, he hid behind jokes but he would’ve never been capable of telling you all the things he wished he were doing to you right now.
your heart stumbled violently against your ribs and the city noise around you suddenly felt very far away. when james’ eyes drifted back to you, they landed on your lips before lifting back to your gaze again.
“you know what the worst part is about all of this?” he murmured, trying to change the subject for his sanity. “i can’t watch your scenes normally anymore.”
your breath caught slightly, not really understanding where this was going. “why?”
a tiny smile pulled faintly at the corner of his mouth.
“because now i know what you sound like laughing between takes.” the whole changing the subject thing wasn’t working. “i know how you feel when you’re close to me and i know what you smell like.”
you stared at him silently. and maybe kissing a friend wasn’t all that bad. not that you had ever been friends truly. friends didn’t want to undress each other. at least that’s what you knew.
the tension stretched tighter but neither of you moved. james swallowed once before speaking again, quieter this time.
“can i?” he asked softly. then even quieter: “please.”
you nodded, you knew what he was asking for. with the way he was looking at your lips, it was painfully evident.
he wasted no time cupping your jaw, knees brushing against candy bars, he kissed you.
slow at first, like he’d imagined this too many times and was terrified of ruining it now that it was real.
his mouth moved carefully against yours, warm and slightly tasting like coffee and sweet alcohol while the city blurred somewhere far beyond the river.
you felt him exhale softly when you kissed him back harder, like tension physically leaving his body.
one of your hands instinctively grabbed the front of his hoodie, pulling him closer without even realizing it.
that made something shift in him immediately, the kiss deepened, like you weren’t outside, like you weren’t two famous celebrities eating each other in public. but that was long forgotten, the alcohol taking away every ounce of responsability.
james’ thumb brushed slowly against your jaw while his forehead nearly bumped yours from how close he’d gotten on the narrow bench.
and god,
he kissed just like he looked at you.
undressing you with attention, reverence and undeniable respect. your heart hammered violently against your ribs when he pulled back barely an inch, just enough for both of you to breathe.
you found yourselves in the same position as in the filming, foreheads pressed together, warm breaths, but this time it was different, because he had just kissed the living hell out of you.
“you have no idea,” he murmured quietly, “how long i’ve wanted to do that.”
the tension somehow got worse after the kiss. because now you knew exactly how he tasted. how he sounded when he lost composure for half a second. how his hand tightened gently against your jaw when you kissed him back.
“you’re staring,” you whispered.
“can you blame me? you’re beautiful.” his nose brushed against yours, mouths opened and chasing each other’s.
your stomach flipped hard but before you could answer, he kissed you again. this time there was nothing hesitant about it. his hand slid from your jaw to the side of your neck gently, thumb brushing beneath your ear while he leaned closer against you on the bench. the kiss deepened almost immediately, not afraid to use tongues, a little messy from laughter and alcohol and too much tension finally snapping loose at once.
you kissed him back harder without thinking and that earned the quietest sound from him,barely there, almost swallowed by the river breeze, but it made your entire chest tighten anyway. james’ other hand settled instinctively against your waist, pulling you closer until your legs brushed fully against his.
the convenience store bag tipped sideways somewhere beside you but neither of you cared. your fingers slid into the front of his hoodie, bunching the fabric of his undershirt slightly while kissing him again and again and again like maybe you were both trying to make up for weeks of holding back.
being kissed by someone who already liked you this much felt unfair. you could feel it in everything. it was so painfully sweet yet so filthy, so him. like the way he gripped your waist, scared to go lower, the way his sloppy kisses sent thrills down your body, the way he kept pausing for half-seconds just to look at you before kissing you again, like you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
james tilted his head slightly, kissing you deeper now while his hand ventured underneath your shirt, tentative. he wanted to pull you on his lap right then and there, but that was the alcohol speaking.
“you’re killing me,” he murmured quietly against your mouth.
“you started this.”
“i know.”
then he kissed you again immediately like he physically couldn’t stop himself, his hands brushed against the under sides of your breast through your clothes for a second before he slid them down.
at some point your hand brushed against his lower stomach and james visibly lost composure.
“oh my god,” he muttered softly against your lips.
and then, a bike sped past somewhere nearby. very nearby.
both of you froze instantly. the reality of being outside in public slammed back into place all at once. james pulled back just enough to look around quickly while still keeping one hand at your waist.
you stared at each other for half a second, out of breath, not thinking straight.
“you were one second away from climbing into my lap.” he stated.
“like you would’ve said no.”
“right here yeah, i can control myself, i don’t want anything bad happening to your career.” he said.
you breathed out, taking his hand in yours and playing absentmindedly with his fingers and rings. you didn’t know what to say and everything was a blur.
so, you didn’t know how you ended up in the hallway leading to your apartment, pinned to a wall while james kissed his way to your neck.
it had probably started when you had resolved to innocent conversation but one wrong sentence ended up in another kiss, and another, and another, until you’d been halfway on his lap on the bench, both of your hoods pulled over your heads for a minimal privacy. after that youd stood up, hands unable to leave him, and you’d called over a taxi, putting face masks back on and requested your address. the drive had been intense, you’d wanted to climb on his lap right then and there, just to see how far his kisses would go.
the second you had been out, james had pulled you closer, almost running towards the elevator, and once inside he had pinned you to the wall, making you gasp in the feverish kiss.
and now, you struggled with your key to open the door, while he was behind you, mouth on your neck, your ass pressed right against his hardness. truth is, he didn’t wanna be disrespectful but he had a thing about your ass, had to physically refrain himself for looking at it while you walked past these last few weeks, couldn’t help but imagine how it’d feel against his palms, or if he ever got to slap it while you bounced on-
you let out a moan when he reached for the hem of your hoodie, tugging at it upwards, he managed to take it off as the key finally got in, you forced the door open, and he pushed you inside. it took everything in his power not to take you right there against the door,
"bed," you said with a shaky voice.
"yeah," he nodded, walking backwards, still kissing you while you guided him through the mess of your apartment.
once in your bedroom, he didn’t look around, he was too focused on you, on how perfect you sounded against him, undone, breathy, he sat you on the edge of your bed and his hands slid up your sides under your top,slow and deliberate and stopped at your chest. both of them. full. you inhaled sharply.
"fuck," he breathed, more to himself than you.
his thumbs dragged over your tits, testing, squeezing, like he had been thinking about this in the privacy of his own mind.
"is it wrong that i’ve thought about this?." he whispered against your neck, leaving wet kisses there.
you shook your head immediately, “no… tell me about it, i wanna hear.”
he pulled your top and bra down and his mouth replaced his hands, warm and open, taking your tit into his mouth, tongue circling your nipple before he sucked, harder than you expected. you gasped, back arching off the mattress while his other hand stayed on your other breast, squeezing, rolling your nipple between his fingers, alternating between slow and sharp until you had your hands in his hair and your eyes shut tight, absolutely no remaining composure.
“thought about these so many times, how perfect they looked in that dress, in the swimming pool, you’re fucking perfect y/n, so beautiful, everywhere.”
you moaned at his words, “james”
“i know, i know pretty thing.” he said, not looking up. he dragged his teeth lightly over your nipple as he pulled away, causing you to shiver. then he dropped to his knees.
“you know how many times i had to stop myself from staring at you? cause id feel guilty, always wanted to be so respectful, but i couldn’t stop imagining you…”
he got your jeans off and pulled you to the edge of the mattress; his mouth found your inner thigh, in absolutely no hurry. he mapped out slowly in open-mouthed kisses, the slight scrape of his teeth occasionally, and you propped yourself on your elbows to watch him, his hair tousled, eyes black and wild with arousal. he glanced up, catching you looking and the almost-smile he gave you was genuinely unfair.
when he finally got to your pussy, you shuddered, thighs already trying to close around his head, one hand draped across your face in anticipation. he started with the flat of his tongue, one long stroke, as the breath punched out of you. only then did he settle in. he learned you fast: what made your hips stutter, what made you tug at his hair. his tongue working your clit in slow circles, pulling you taunt like a thread, and when he slid two fingers and curled them just right, the dual pleasure made you go crazy. you thought you’d come with that gesture alone, your chest moving up and down with uncontrolled breaths.
"there," you say. “right there… please…”
he kept the same pace, looking up at you with adoration, learning the faces you made when you were touched right. his mouth then stayed on your clit while his fingers worked that spot relentlessly.
“look at you, so pretty, so fucking pretty.” he praised against the skin of your thigh, hooking your legs over his shoulders.
he was so turned on, his pants tight with the throbbing ache between his legs, he thought he could cum in his pants just by eating you out alone. he’d seen a lot of things in his short life, but nothing compared to this. to seeing you stretched out around his fingers, ever so compliant, beautiful and wrecked.
you moaned as he found the perfect rythm, the perfect coherence of fingers and tongue, your release building in the pit of your stomach, it was usually rare for someone to make you come that fast, but you weren’t at the end of the surprise, because when your hips started grinding down on his tongue, he flipped you around, ass up, arched on the soft sheets.
and god, james thought he knew what living felt like. he thought he was pretty damn accomplished already, a promising idol career, fans, brand deals, but this? james just stared,like this sight of you was a religious experience he wasn’t worthy of.
you whimpered just then, face buried in your pillow, and he looked down, mesmerized, surely the alcohol had worn off, but now it was a different type of drug that possessed him. “so beautiful like this, all for me. what am i gonna do with you…”
your hips moved back, triggered by his words, and your ass pressed right against his pants. james clicked his tongue, the flat of his hand grabbing your ass. “what do you want? huh? tell me what you want and i’ll give it to you.”
you preened, one hand reaching behind you, spreading your ass shamelessly, your pussy glistening with your arousal and his saliva, clenching around nothing like you just couldn’t fathom not feeling him inside of you. you were ready to beg, you weren’t normally into that, but the way he carried yourself so differently from usual, not shy, not afraid of anything, made you want to tell him he could do anything with you.
“fuck… you’re gonna kill me.” james bent down to press a kiss against your spine and you shivered, so empty… and so cold.
“please… please” you crossed one of your boundaries, you had never thought you would ever want to- scratch that- need to beg. but it felt so good, the way his breathing stopped for a second, the way his hips rutted against your bare ass, like it was the best thing he’d ever heard.
“please what, baby?” he sucked a spot on your spine, right where you had a tattoo. “tell me what you need. use your words.”
and fuck, you’d always thought you were kinda dominant… maybe? or vanilla. sex only ever cringed you out when dudes started calling the girl ‘good girl’ and manhandling them. but this? you thought you would die from the tone of his voice, reverant but so fucking firm. it made your insides turn into burning fire, made you rethink your whole view on sex.
“please… i need you to fuck me.” you spoke, like a big girl. you felt james’ tongue drag a path down your spine, until it reached your tailbone.
“that’s it, you’re doing good.” he dropped a kiss there, one of his hands going back to your pussy.
he spread you, still giving unwavering attention to your tailbone while two fingers slipped inside, earning a dragged out moan from you. “so fucking loud… such a good girl.”
who was this? cause this certainly wasn’t the james from set, the james whose ears would turn red everytime you spoke to him for too long, the james who was worried he’d be a pervert if he so much as gazed at your tits. but you had no complaints whatsoever. your soaked thighs were enough evidence. you clenched around his fingers at his words, gripping the bedsheets, and he gave your shoulder a kiss. “is that good pretty thing? you like that?”
you nodded instantly, afraid he’d stop if you didn’t manage an answer, your breathing had long turned franctic, leaving you a mess, but it’s like he knew what he was doing to you, and he wanted more. he knew how surprised you were, god even he was surprised at himself.
“you want more? yeah?” james worked his jeans open, only the zipper, as his other fingers were busy hitting that delicious spot inside of you, the one that made you reconsider pleasure. the angle made it so unbearably good that you couldn’t even manage words out.
“yes … yes fuck yes please… - please.” you babbled, ass pushing against his hand with unabashed need.
“look at you, my pretty girl is so needy.” james pushed his jeans down, along with his boxers, his thick cock resting on your ass now.
you ground your ass against him, the feeling of him so heavy sending jolts right where his fingers where working tirelessly. you were so close, so so close, and he was so good, like he had done this hundreds of times, he touched you exactly where you liked being touched. “please… fuck me.” you begged, wanting to be properly filled.
“you’re being such a good girl for me right now… you think you deserve it?” he mused, tip leaking on your lower back, so much so that at first he thought he’d came.
you nodded aggressively against the pillow, teetering on the edge of release,walls fluttering around his digits. “yes yes - fuck yes- i don’t know… please… please i’ll- i’ll be your good girl, i’ll listen, just please.”
this was new for you, so foreign, but it felt somehow right, like you relished in his praise, his taunting tone. james was all man, and you were already ruined.
“so desperate, my sweet thing…” he sped up his fingers, cock now shamelessly grinding against the skin of your behind. “you’re gonna be a good girl and take what i give you okay?”
you nodded, because his hands were driving you insane, and now he was pinching your nipple, twisting it between his fingertips, and you were a goner.
your orgasm crashed into you like a train, body lapsing into convulsions while you didn’t even try to be keep sane anymore. you moaned over and over not caring about how loud you were, about how vulnerable you were, ass spread for him as he made you cum with only two fingers, and he kept praising you, like you were a precious thing, like he couldn’t believe he was getting to see you like this, he whispered sweet things in your hair, fingers never stopping.
only when he was satisfied with the mess between your legs, he flipped you around, on your back, his mouth immediately latching onto your neck, careful not to leave any marks that could harm your career, he spread your legs, throwing his shirt across the room, and settled between your thighs, cock heavy on your lower stomach. “you did so good… might have to do that again but this time i wanna see your face.” james said agains your jaw, mouth brushing but not quite touching.
your fingers raked through his hair, softly tugging, until he was groaning, cock slipping to where you needed him the most. when you felt his tip nudge your clit, you arched, breasts touching his chest. “so wet, look at you baby…” he kissed your cheek then forehead. “you want me to fuck you, yeah?”
you nodded incapable of forming coherent thoughts, your legs wrapping around his waist, “i’ll fuck you my love, i think you deserve that don’t you? you’ve been so good to me, came on my fingers like a champ…” james kissed your pulse point, cock sliding between your folds.
his forehead pressed against yours, he cursed, guiding the tip at your entrance. “are you sure my pretty girl?” you nodded immediately, hips chasing him. james wrapped his hand around his cock, almost like he had to restrain himself from burying himself inside of you, and he slid the tip inside, cursing. “shit… so wet baby.”
you whimpered, as he took in the sight of your pussy accommodating his length, squeezing on only the tip of him. he slid in ever so slowly, and when he was fully seated inside, he didn’t move. he thought he could cum from just the feeling of you, squeezing him, the tight fit, your moans… he couldn’t take it. “fuck… you’re taking me so well pretty thing…”
he took a second, grounding himself, before finally moving. he slid all the way out before slamming back in, kicking the breath out of your lungs. you moaned, so close to him in all the senses of the word, filled to the brim with only him. your heels dug on his lower back, you felt him so deep that you wanted to honestly cry.
you wrapped weak fingers around his wrist, without thinking it through, and guided his hand on your neck. it wasn’t something you thought you’d ever enjoy, but there you were, his hands so fucking attractive you could only think about them choking you. so he did exactly that, following your movements, he wrapped his fingers around your neck and squeezed, mouth slightly open at the sight of you, you were being so good, so perfect.
“so beautiful with my hand around your neck, you know that right ? you know how fucking pretty you are?” he rasped, eyes wild with want, and devotion. “answer me baby,” his lips trailed down your neck.
you nodded, gasping, but he didn’t seem content with that response, his cock dragging inside of you. “nuh-huh, words baby. i need to make sure my girl is aware- fuck- of how beautiful she is.”
and there he was, calling you his girl, you didn’t mind it one bit, cause somewhere in your head you were already ready to be his. “yes—… i know… fuck i know.”
james pushed impossibly deeper, knocking the sense out of you, “good girl,” and he showed you, just how pretty you were, every drag of his cock sending you closer to a devastating edge.
“mmmh… james” you moaned, the intimacy of the moment overtaking you, “- need more”
“yeah?” he reached for one of your leg, lifting it to rest on his shoulder. “there, better?”
you nodded, the pressure in your lower belly unbearable, the new angle dragging sounds you didn’t even know were yours out of your mouth. he fucked you harder into the mattress, his hands around your neck never too overwhelming, whispering sweet nothings interrupted by curses agains your skin.
“m so- so close…” you said delirious, arms wrapped around him, pulling him impossibly closer.
truth is, you had never felt so good, and that scared you, you were discovering another side of you, another side of him, and it was so dangerously good. you wanted to crawl into his skin, keep him around forever.
“mmhh… so tight, you’re squeezing me so tight sweet girl, are you gonna cum for me?” he pushed in faster and deeper, if that was only possible.
your walls fluttered around him, nails digging on his back, and you felt him twitch inside you, he wanted to tease you, edge you until you couldn’t take it anymore, but he was so close he couldn’t sustain that, he ached for you, wanted to bury himself inside of you and never leave.
“so so so sweet… so good to me, you’re doing so good my princess…” he whispered, feeling you getting closer and closer.
one last push was all it took, your orgasm shook you beyond reason, you trembled against him, moaning his name over and over, you weren’t even sure how long is lasted, james kept dragging out your pleasure, until he was the one violently twitching.
he buried his face in your neck, rutting inside of you, “oh fuck fuck fuck… so fucking… good” his hips snapped fast, “i’m cumming, i’m cumming… shit.” you felt him come inside, thick and warm, filling you up until it dripped between your thighs. james kept panting, pushing it deeper, before he crumbled on top of you, exhausted with the force of his release.
it dawned onto you just then, how fucking gone you were.
⋆˙⟡. ⋆˙⟡
what had undeniably been the best sex of your life ended with you both falling asleep jus like that.
exhausted by the alcohol, the tension, the day of filming, and the world wrecking sex. james didn’t pull out, he tucked you against him, still buried deep inside, and in a beat you were both asleep.
what was, as unspoken as it was, supposed to be a good time, nothing much more, ended up in- well… much more.
you started seeing often. when the screening of the music video came around and you saw the chemistry you had on screen, you remembered glancing at him through your lashes across the room, he’d felt the same things. you snuck out right after, kissing like lovesick teenagers not worried about loosing their jobs. he fucked you in the bathroom, loosing himself in you all over again. it happened a couple of times after, until one day, balls deep inside of you, he asked if you could be his. it was an evidence for you, and you retorted that you were already his.
that was how you ended up falling in love with him, pushing aside every boundaries you once had about dating, you couldn’t care less about anything. he loved you like a sickness, and that was enough to make the risk worth it.
and truthfully ? how lucky was he to have made his all time celebrity crush fall in love with him?
"Zuko?" You call into the quietness of a late night. "Zuko? ZuZu?" There’s a brief pause. "Sifu Hotman?"
"Don't you dare call me that." Zuko's sleep-rough voice graces your ears, causing you to laugh as you move towards his side of the bed. His arms wrap around you the moment he feels you, your head resting upon his chest. "What is it, my love?"
"I'm hungry," you whisper conspiratorially, tracing shapes against his firm abdomen. "I think it's the baby and she wants firecracker buns."
Zuko huffs, amused. "The baby, huh?" He sounds more awake, a hand stroking soothing patterns up and down your back. "That's strange because I thought babies couldn't eat firecracker buns."
"They can," you say, nodding. "And they can also eat a big slice of the very delicious cake chef Rin baked today for dessert." You sound hopeful and Zuko tilts his head down to look at you, you're already staring at him. You're heartbreakingly adorable; your pretty eyes wide and soft lips pursed into a pout.
Cuteness aggression strikes him hard, robs him of his breath and renders him weak. He was going to get you what you wanted, regardless, but this only kicks him into high gear. Giving into a selfish desire, Zuko leans in to kiss you sweetly, heart swelling at how you melt into him with a happy sound.
After a moment, he's pulling back reluctantly so he can slide out of bed and tug on his robe. You're smiling when he comes in to kiss you once more, murmuring, "I'll be back in a few minutes. Don't miss me too."
"I already am," you murmur back, your smile softening and Zuko feels like he's the luckiest man to ever exist.
I am getting into JJK and Higuruma Hiromi... NEED DAT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!!!!
thats dada...
ANYWAYS HIGURUMA BLURB THAT MAY OR MAY NOT TURN INTO A STORY!
no nsfw for now just something cutie
I promise I will update Velvet Whisperer soon... dont look at me...
"Hiromi! come on, the showing is in 10 minutes." you called down the hallway, rushing your husband to get out the door. you were going out house shopping to celebrate your new marriage seeing as the two of you couldn't hold your honeymoon till after he was done with his current case that only seemed to drag on longer and longer as the days passed. you waited at the garage door, anxiously picking at your nails. you'd never been house shopping for yourself before. you'd helped hundreds of families find their forever homes in your time in the real estate industry, but you'd never looked for yourself before, never even browsed only every day dreamed… and you were a nervous wreck to see what he thought of the houses you had scheduled for today.
"Relax Honey, it's not like we are meeting anyone, right? We aren't late." His hands slid around your waist, kissing the crook of your neck. "N-no, I just… I don't want to slow down our busy day." you hesitated, the warmth from his touch radiating through your body. you had dated throughout college and a little after, were engaged for a full year and have been married 3 weeks and yet his touch… its was so damn electric, still. "alright, lets get going then." his hands lingered a second longer before slithering away to grab his keys. you grabbed your purse and followed him to the car, sliding into the passenger seat of his Black Volvo XC 60, your present to him after he had landed his dream job at his dream firm .
He makes more than you do now being one of the best lawyers ranked #7 in your state, but there was a time when you were the breadwinner, when you got to surprise him with nice things, when you got to provide for him, but alas, one cant be too upset with having extra spending money with almost triple the income now. you plugged in your phone and typed in the location of your first stop, a beautiful 4 bedroom 5 bathroom house just 10 minutes from his office and close down town.
"I know we haven't had much time to discuss what you want in a house, but I did my best to find some good ones." you turned your head to watch him while his eyes studied the road. "I trust you completely, you're the boss in this field, remember?" he smiled, glancing at you as the car slowed to a a stop at a red light. "yeah but… this is your house too, I want you to feel at home wherever we choose." you sighed, fidgeting with your wedding ring. Hiromi had been putting off looking for a place to live for the past two years, extending the lease on your shared apartment because he just "wasn't ready yet". for a while you thought it was because he wasn't as serious as you were, that he didn't have the same plans for your future that you did, and it had caused a lot of discourse within the relationship for some time.
working in the industry that you did, it was all of your coworkers dreams to move into a big white picket fence community with a wonderful spouse, maybe a pet and kids… 'the dream life', but you and Hiromi had never really spoke about your future together, never really spoke about what the two of you really saw your lives being like as you grew up together. one day you had finally brought up that it was bothering you how he didn't seem to care as much as you did, how much thought you felt you were putting into the relationship that he wasn't... and that was the day he got down on one knee and proposed, no ring, no fancy plan, just a promise that he was just serious as you while you cried in your pajamas, surrounded by so much love.
no more than 4 months later, Christmas morning, a small jewelry box sat under the tree, and inside, the exact ring you had been dreaming about since he had first proposed, a white gold, mid-sized marquise cut diamond with smaller diamonds scattering the band in one of the most beautiful designs you'd ever seen. "Hiro-" you gasped, "you didn't" tears were already brimming your eyes. "Merry Christmas, my love." he grinned, kneeling beside you as he pulled the box out of your hand, sliding the ring out. he took your left hand and slid the ring on your ring finger, a perfect fit. he lifted your hand to his mouth, kissing the ring gently. "I love you, so much Y/N… I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you." he whispered. your heart swooned, head over heels for the man in front of you in your matching Christmas Pajamas under the plastic Christmas tree the two of you had thrifted because even though money was never a problem, you didn't need much when you had something no money could ever afford.
wedding planning was hard as you made all the decisions while he worked day in and day out climbing the reputable lawyer ladder, bringing home paychecks that easily tripled your commission per sale. he was prepared to spare no expense on your wedding dress though you were determined to stay under $2000. you had chosen an A-Line gown with a lace corset that led to a flowy white lace and beaded train which your family and his family adored, his little sister commenting on just how perfect the dress was for you.
the venue was damn near $8,000 though the Higuruma's insisted it was the most perfect location, and helped pay for it. your older sister was your maid of honor, his sisters joining you as bridesmaids while the two of you shared your vows, a moment you will never forget.
"Y/N L/N… today, you have made me the happiest man in the world, gracing me with your hand, to have and to hold as we continue on the road we call life." he took a deep breath and tears brimmed your eyes. "from the day you stepped in that business lecture hall, to the day I asked you to marry me in our pajamas, I've loved you every second, basking in the light that is your beautiful soul. our journey is far from over, and I can't wait to see what this world has in store for us and our new family. I promise to love you in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, no loopholes, no fine print, and no appeals… unless you put on that one movie I can't stand, and still cant remember the name of even though you've watched it 1000 times since our sophomore year of college when it came out." he paused, a laugh surrounding the space between us. "You've loved me through my long hours and difficult cases, my poor attitudes and terrible cooking, and I promise to love you through your foreclosures and fall through, master chef meals and burnt cookies. you spend every day helping people find their forever home but I've already found mine with you, and I hope that every new addition bring us more joy than the last."
a reception full of family, dancing, and drinking, and a night full of romance, intimacy, and love. you couldn't have asked for anything more. the two of you laid in your shared bed, day dreaming of your future when he finally asked. "what do you think of moving some place new?"
"earth to space cadet." Hiromi squeezed your hand as you snapped back to reality, eyes finding your first stop. "what are you thinking about?" he asked, unbuckling. you smiled, taking in the moment. "just thinking about how much I love you."
—
you were on your 4th house of the day, all of them looking nice but just not feeling right. this next house a 4 bed, 3 ½ bath and a back yard in ground pool. Hiromi parked and sighed. "you do this all day every day?" he asked, leaning back with a groan, clearly tired already. you hummed and leaned over to peck his cheek. "this is the last one for today, then we can get some lunch. okay?" you smiled, scratching his head. his eyes looked like they were about to roll into the back of his head with the free scalp massage. you pulled your hand away and grabbed your purse, exiting the car. you opened the lock box and opened the door for the two of you.
Hiromi took a step in the house and paused, looking at the staged house, or at least what he could see of it so far. "this one…" he muttered, catching your ear just right as a butterfly did backflips in you gut... it was finally happening. "what?" you turned your head to look at his awe struck face, smile spreading to your own knowing exactly what this look meant. you intertwined your fingers with his and led him into the kitchen fit for a family with a double oven and marble counter tops, dark wood and gold accents. he walked around the kitchen, fingers brushing the counter tops. "man… could you imagine cooking in this kitchen." he sighed, completely enthralled at the sight of this house. "you tell me… could you?" you asked back, leaning on the island. he paused and thought, eyes traveling everywhere before landing on you. "I… I think I could." he nodded eyes clouded over with thought, moving from the stove to the sink to the dishwasher, hands moving as if he were practicing the action.
"we have a lot more to look at, come on." you called for him, leading him through the living room to the upstairs. the two of you walked through the bedrooms and bathrooms, noting the cohesiveness of the whole house. he walked in the master bedroom first, glancing around before he spotted double walk in closets connected to the bathroom. "look." he pulled your hand close. "can't you just imaging coming home from work to this." he pulled you in front of him, taking in the large, beautifully decorated room. "big bed just ready for you to collapse in… we could finally ditch the queen." he whispered, kissing the crook of your neck, voice low and sincere. "I've been telling you this for years baby." you giggled as the concept of moving to finally fit what you wanted dawned on him. it was no longer about living small and frugal to save for the big events, now it was about spending on the big events, the big moments. "I should have listened sooner." he kissed you once more, taking a trip into the bathroom and around through the closets, noting the gold hardware and dark wood theme harmonious throughout the house. you traveled down to the basement and out to the pool in the back, Hiromi completely speechless.
You locked the house back up and got in the car, a small smile still on your lips. "I want that house… no we need that house." Hiromi muttered softly. "you think so? you dont want to tour any other houses?" you asked, already knowing the answer. "no. that house is just… everything we need." he pulled out of the driveway taking another look before he drove away. "can you imagine having a little family of our own in a place like this... like that?" he bit his bottom lip thinking about it. "we can put an offer in after lunch its been on the market about a month and a half so we could probably offer a little less than-"
"no." he cut you off. "offer exactly what they want, we need that house." he told you, hands fidgeting on the steering wheel. you giggled at his antics, if he wanted something he was going to get it, and that's just exactly what was going to happen, you were going to make sure of it.
anyways... its short.
DID YOU CATCH THE REFERENCE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU CAUGHT THE REFERENCE FROM THE SHOW!!!
The two of you sat in the car, music playing just above a whisper while he drove you home. as he slowed to a stop at a red light, he heaved a sigh, one that meant he was probably preparing to speak, so I waited. "I… I guess I should talk since that what I drove you home for… right?" he chuckled nervously. I nodded. "well I just… I should say that im willing to listen now… and i understand you didn't mean to… you know-" "hurt you?" You cut in. he pursed his lips and glanced your way. "yeah." he confirmed. "I just was so caught off guard because off you know… before. and It felt like… I dont even know how to explain it." his expression broke your heart, the look on his face one that you will remember as long as you know him.
"and I didn't mean to lash out at you the way I did, god I still feel so guilty about that, I didn't mean it." his hand shook slightly on the gear shift as he continued to confess. "Armin stop. do not apologize to me. you were defending yourself after I had insulted you first you have nothing to apologize for." I stopped him. he had no reason to feel sorry for me, it was all my fault, not his. "Y/N, even if you had fired first, I shouldn't have been as hurtful as I was… I was still wrong for that." he shook his head. "my turn." You stated, shifting in your seat to face him. he nodded.
"I really, really didn't mean what I said. I dont know what possessed me to even say it but I have so much respect for you Armin. I wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose, especially not you." you began, trying to explain yourself. "you have done nothing but selflessly help me and I am so grateful for that and… I like you Armin, I do. I would never judge you for what you do. I was angry and spoke without thinking and I am so fucking sorry." Your voice was soft, pleading for him to understand, not forgive you, but to just understand that you didn't mean it.
"it's… it doesn't matter anymore. I just feel like im growing past this… its been 2 years and- its not going to support me forever and if anyone else finds it I could be screwed…" he was clearly frustrated and you couldn't help but feel like you had caused it, but you also noticed how he had completely brushed past your semi-confession. "Armin, its been two years and I was the only one who found it because I just so happened to have a VPN on. I swear I had no idea it was even you until I went in your room for the first time. if it supports you, then whats the harm?"
"i dont know…" he shrugged, pulling into your complex. "I'm serious Armin. fund your future no matter what you have to do. honestly, you should be proud of yourself, not everyone makes if far in that line of work." you chuckled, trying to bring some lightness to the situation. "I guess." he smiled softly, biting the inside of his cheek as he parked. you sat there for a couple moments, battling with your brain on whether you wanted to ask or not, whether things were okay enough to ask at least.
"d-do you want to come in?" you grabbed your bag an placed it in your lap. he leaned his head back on the seat and looked at you, scanning your face. "sure, why not." he sighed and reached back for his bag. the two of you made your way to the front door while you struggled with your keys to find your apartment key. you unlocked the door and let Armin in. thank god you'd been too down to really do anything outside of lay in your bed, your apartment was still somehow clean. you led him to your bedroom since you really didn't want to deal with the overhead light in the living room and set your stuff on your bed while he sat at your desk. he glanced around your room before his face changed.
"I have your swim top." he blurted out. you froze and looked at him. "my swim top?…" you knit your eyebrows trying to remember when you would have left a swim top near him. "you uh left it in my car a while ago. black on with the hearts." he explained further. your face began to burn with the realization that leaving your swim top was practically the same thing as leaving your bra in his car. "shit, I didn't realize it was even missing." you muttered, walking over to your dresser and rummaging around in it. the swim bottoms were there but no top.
"its been sitting on my dresser, I forgot to give it to you last time you were over." he sounded just as embarrassed as you felt. "well… i guess I'll have to get it from you at some point." you shrugged, shaking off the embarrassment and sitting on your bed, back against the bed frame. I slid my laptop out of my bag and placed it in my lap.
"we should probably do some of the reading… god knows im not going to do it at a reasonable time anyways." you half joked, already dreading starting it. "yeah, its a lot. sometimes I dont like our professor. hes definitely one of the worse teachers I've had yet." Armin grabbed his laptop as well and place his textbook on your desk. "yeah, its like he doesn't even actually want to teak us." you agreed. you waited on him, watching him as he opened up the assignment, face un-readable.
"Armin… I meant what I said in the car. I will never judge you, no matter what you decide." and… I do like you. you were to nervous to repeat that part out loud, afraid you might ruin the mood if you did. "I appreciate it, I do." he smiled softly, getting comfy in the chair, we had a long study session ahead of us.
Friday came, dreading getting out of your bed, you turned off your alarm, rolled over onto your back and stared at the ceiling. it was too early to already be this annoyed at the world. you pulled your blankets off, sitting up in bed as you rubbed your eyes, trying to push away the sleep that you continued to crave. your feet touched the cold hard wood of your bedroom, sending a violent shiver through your body while you trudged towards the bathroom. you ran the shower, needing to scrub your skin clear of your feelings.
the hot water splashed on your skin, an extreme contrast from the cold that had consumed you just minutes prior. you grabbed your loofah and scrubbed away at the surface of your body, scrubbing until it felt like you were on fire before you rinsed off. you reached for your face wash and did a quick scrub and turned off the water. water ran all over your bathroom floor as you wrapped a towel around your body and pat your face dry, preparing for your lousy skin care routine that you had definitely been slacking real bad on lately.
you dropped the towel off in the hamper and made your way towards your closet, picking out a deep blue sweater and a pair of baggy light wash blue jeans and your beat up white converse. you didn't have much time to spare so you didn't put on any makeup, threw your hair into a slick back low bun and headed out the door to meet your uber. you had been spending all of your savings on these uber rides and if you didn't get a job soon, you were going to be screwed.
you met the red ford fiesta outside your apartment door and greeted the driver. she drove you straight to school but somehow hit every red light and dropped you off at the main doors just 3 minutes before class started. you slung your bag over your arm and speed walked to get to class on time. you entered the room a minute late but like always, your teacher wasn't there yet. you still didn't understand why several weeks into the term you still had a fear of being late when your teacher was always late. you opened the door the the room and walked in, tucking your phone in your pocket, you stopped in your tracks.
he was sitting there, in the seat next to yours like nothing had happened, scrolling away on his phone, and of course it was the one day you decided not to wear any makeup. if god was real, he must have heard your pleading last night and decided to play a not so silly little prank on you. your heart was pounding as you slowly approached, scared that if you moved too fast he would run away. you placed your bag down on the floor, drawing his attention towards you, your heart got stuck in your throat as you looked him in the eyes for the first time in almost 2 weeks. "hey." he smiled awkwardly. "uh… hey." you nodded, pulling your chair out and sitting down.
you could feel the tension so you grabbed your computer and textbook and set them in front of yourself, pretending like you were busy finishing up an assignment, except you weren't pretending, you were actually trying to do the assignment that was for sure due like… 2 days ago. as you were typing away, you could feel his gaze on you, watching you work.
"Y/N… can we uh- talk after class?" he finally chirped. "what? oh, yeah." you turned your attention to him, nodding softly, moving carefully as to not seem to eager of the fact he was talking to you again even though it felt like your heart was exploding. "okay I just-" your head snapped to the door as he was cut off by your teacher barging in, dropping a book on the way in, announcing we were reading several sections today.
he explained that you were reading chapters 23-29 of our textbook today and taking notes along with an assignment due on Monday. you placed your head in your hands, already overwhelmed with the amount of work you had to do and now this to top it all off. you sighed as the teacher was still explaining the assignment, a slideshow of your learning and a real world scenario of how you might apply each chapter to a real classroom. he told you that since today consisted of mostly reading that staying in the classroom was optional and you could retreat to the library or go home. the majority of the students instantly began packing up seeing as this class was useless even coming to if all he was going to have you do was teach yourself. Armin also began packing up his stuff so you followed suit, putting your laptop and textbook back in your bag and taking a sip of your water before zipping it up and slinging it on to your shoulder.
he walked out but waited for you at the door seeing as you had taken a bit longer to pack up than he did. as you exited, the two of you just stood there for a couple minutes. "um… do you need like- a ride back to your place?" he asked quietly, avoiding your gaze. "I was uh gonna order an uber." you shrugged. he nodded. "a-are you sure? I dont mind, we could uh talk in the car?" he suggested again. you paused and watched him carefully. he was nervous and his left hand played with the hem of his right sleeve. "okay. I guess so." you nodded. "okay." he sighed, almost sounding relieved and led you to the door out to his car, walking in complete silence.
"Eren, I need to talk to you." I nudged Erens arm, motioning to my room with my head. "why? whats up?" he asked, mid sip of his beer. "just come here." I pulled his shirt, urging him to stand up. "fine, fine." he stood up and hopped over the back of the couch, following me to my room. I closed the door after the two of us entered, leaning against it as Eren sat on the edge of my bed.
"what?" he asked again, leaning back on his hands. "I- I shouldn't be the one telling you this because it… makes me feel a bit like a hypocrite, but you need to fix your shit dude." I started, he grimaced. "what the fuck are you talking about?" he raised an eyebrow. "i just mean, things have to change a little... to make things like kumbaya again." I shrugged. "do we have a problem?" he questioned. "wha- uh kind of, I dont know." I huffed, trying to find the words. "youre loosing me here Armin." he dropped his head to the side lazily. "I- I just mean that things have gotten a little strained here in the house... and we could all greatly improve if we were to listen to each other and try our best to uh- be more uhm... open to criticism." my hands found their place in my sweatpants pockets.
"dude, I don't know what you're talking about? shit isn't tense here, we don't have any problems?" he denied, a tinge of anger hit my gut. " Eren... I-i mean this in the nicest way, but we do have a problem man. you are self centered and impossible to live with right now to put it flatly. people bring up issues to you a-and you brush it off, or your straight up just- just ignore it not wanting to reason. things only matter if you have a problem with it first and that needs to change." I informed him. he looked at me like I had just slapped him across the face, offended and shocked.
"what the hell are you talking about, I don't do that fucking do that. you think I'm hard to live with? how about someone who takes up 90% of the house just to fucking study dude. that's impossible to live with." he denied, turning it back on me. "okay first of all, I did that fucking once like 3 weeks ago, and two, yes you fucking do. the other day when I begged you to stop leaving your clothes on the living room floor you straight up to my face told me you 'didn't do that' when your dirty ass socks were sitting right in front of my face." my voice rose, annoyed at how much of a dunce he was.
"okay so this is over a pair of fucking socks? You and Mikasa leave the kitchen a mess after cooking and its quite a sight for sore fucking eyes." he scowled. "no Eren, this… this is about you not respecting anyone but yourself. you dont respect me and the money I have put into this place, Mikasa and all the work she puts into this place. and at least we cook dude, and we always clean up the mess after. you dont clean, you dont cook, you dont grocery shop for all of the food that you eat or contribute really anything but your moms money towards rent." I had gotten angrier than I had meant to, but it all just flooded out of my mouth faster than I could stop it. "what so I contribute fuck all to this place and what? you make it sound like I treat you guys like my own personal maids." he grew defensive with every word
"I mean, you practically do. we clean after you, cook pretty much everything for you. when was the last time you cooked for us?" I was appalled at his behavior right now. "literally last night." he pointed in the direction of the kitchen. "no, correction, you cooked for yourself a grilled cheese and canned tomato soup becuase neither Mikasa or I were home to feed you." I corrected his statement. "so what? do I need to fucking make you guys dinner every night for you to hop of my fucking dick?" he questioned sarcastically. "no Eren, you just need to start acting like you actually give a fuck about us, like you have even a single ounce of respect for us." I snapped. he fell silent for a moment, taking in the reality of the current conversation.
"I- I do respect you guys…" his voice was soft and contemplative. "well… you dont act like it." I shrugged. "you- you treat Mikasa horribly sometimes, and sometimes you act like I'm just here to provide for you. that's not how you treat your friends." I shook my head, finding it hard to find my words, like they were suffocating me as the conversation got heavier.
"I didn't mean to… to make you feel like that." he frowned, sitting forward. "I would hope not, but when we continuously try to get you to fix your actions and you just ignore us to our faces, it makes us feel like shit." I messed with the hem of my shirt, feeling more exposed in this conversation than I had wanted. "both of you… think this?" he asked, the realization of what he had been doing, probably mostly to Mikasa, had begun to dawn on him. I nodded, avoiding his gaze. "okay…" he nodded softly, standing from my bed. "I'm sorry man, thank you for telling me." he stood in front of the door, waiting for me to move. "you're my best friend man… I appreciate you actually listening this time around." I nodded again, opening the door for him to exit.
Theres only a couple more chapters but I will try to hopefully get them out soon!!
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your alarm blared in your ears as it did every week day. you reached your hand over and shut it off, pulling the blanket closer. Monday had gone exactly like Friday, the only difference being the fact you didn't even bother to look for Armin this time. it was Thursday so you didn't have class until 2 pm today. your alarm was struggling to wake you up at 10 am. you had been up all night struggling to do any of your assignments after getting scolded by your teacher over email the day prior making you feel even worse than you already did. you had several alarms on so you decided to allow yourself to relax and fall back to sleep till closer to 11.
your eyes closed as your breathing steadied out once more, thoughts calming and brain easing while you allowed yourself to fall back into a dreamless state, getting the extra rest your body so badly craved. you had been tipped over the edge after Armin began ignoring you, finally allowing all of your pent up depression to come flooding through the gates you've put up for so long and you began wishing you had never transferred colleges.
a part of you felt like you knew that this emptiness really had nothing to do with Armin, but another part of you knew that if he miraculously came waltzing through the class room door and took a seat right next to you like he once did, you wouldn't be angry.
Armin POV-
Y/N hadn't tried to contact me since last Monday. the other day when some people came over, Sasha mentioned she had spoken to her, that she seemed fine, for some reason that hurt, knowing she had talked to someone she didn't even really know more recently than she'd talked to me. but honestly, it was my fault, this was all my fault. I shouldn't had made moves on her when we were drunk, I shouldn't have gone as far as we had with someone I barely knew, I should have been smarter, but she just seemed to put me under some spell every time we spoke.
I hadn't been able to stream since she said those things to me, I had been recycling some of my older videos trying to play it off as if they had just happened, dependent on that income. even though I wasn't actively doing it, Y/N's words wouldn't stop circling my head. maybe it was time to finally look into a new job. the internship next year paid decently, but I would still need something to support me until then, if I even got accepted to the internship. being a cam boy wasn't going to support me forever.
"what are you thinking about so hard dude, you look constipated." Connie snickered from across the table. "dude, shut up, he's going through something." Jean nudged him, eyeing me cautiously. "seriously?" Connie knit his brows. "its nothing." I shook my head, picking my playing cards back up, throwing an ace on top of Jeans king restarting the pile. "doesn't look like nothing man, you look like you need some serious help. I mean you've developed like 3 new wrinkles in the past 10 minutes! you're going to look like a grandpa by the end of the night." Connie teased with a hearty laugh, throwing down a 2. "I don't have wrinkles." I snapped. "jean do I have wrinkles?…" I looked at Jean, concerned for the state of my face. his mouth opened and closed a couple times, searching for a response. "wellll… hey would you look at that! I lose!" he swiftly changed the subject, throwing down all of his unplayable cards. my stomach sunk as I reached for my phone, opening it up to the camera.
I carefully examined my faces, pulling at my forehead and cheeks. other than some serious eye bags, I didn't really notice any actual wrinkles. I saw a pair of feet walking by and looked up to see Mikasa walking past. "Mikasa wait!" I called. she stopped and turned with a hum. "do I… Do I have wrinkles." I asked, Jean and Connie laughing beside me. she shot them a glare that made them shut up fast. "Armin no, no you dont have wrinkles. is this about Y/N-" "no shut up!" I cut her off, eyes wide at the fact she had almost just asked out loud.
"ooh are we talking about Y/N?" Sasha snooped in from the side. "Y/N?" Connie asked confused, face scrunching as he tried to recall the name. "no, no we are not." I shook my head. "you sure?" Jean raised his eyes brows suggestively. "yes I'm sure." I stated, glaring at him, unsure of what he knew. "wait who is Y/N" Connie asked. "like the girl from the hot tub. I told you I ran into her the other day." Sasha explained, irritation growing as she desperately tried to make Connie remember. "you literally didn't." he denied. I placed my head in my hands, annoyed.
"Cornelius Springer yes the fuck I did. god, does anyone have a picture of her?" Sasha asked, looking at Mikasa. "I'm sure Armin does." Jean butt in, pointing at me. "shut up, no I don't." I shook my head. "why would Armin have a picture." Sasha asked, dumbfounded. "maybe cause Armin and Y/"
"Jean that's enough." Mikasa warned, cutting his sentence in half. the table fell silent, the tension from Mikasa radiating through all of our bones. "Jesus, who fucking pissed in your cereal." Jean scoffed. she rolled her eyes and turned to leave out to the patio, pulling on the sweatshirt that had been sitting draped in her arms. I stood up and followed her out, taking a seat next to her on one of the sofas.
"i'm sorry, I almost let it slip." she sighed, leaning her head back. I shrugged, I knew she didn't mean to, but I just didn't understand one thing. "how does Jean know? I never told him." I looked out towards our covered pool. "he was over, the night whatever happened. Eren accidentally let it slip that the two of you were… emotionally involved." she muttered softly. "of course he did." I scoffed. for the first time in a while, she didn't jump to defend him like she usually did when I made a snarky comment. my gaze pulled towards her, studying her body, tense and irritated.
"you alright?" I asked, not wanting to push too much. "No… you?" she met my eyes. I shook my head with a soft smile. "want to talk about it?" I propped my feet up on the coffee table. she took a deep breath, eyes closing. "I think im going to break up with Eren." she whispered softly, actually opening up for the first time. "w-what?" I was taken off guard at the sudden confession. "i love him… I really do. it just feels like all he wants to do is have sex. he practically begs me for it and has an attitude when I deny it." her voice broke, obviously hurt by the way he had been acting. I wasn't sure how to take in the information.
"did you… talk to him about it?" I asked, seeking for more information to maybe give her some better advice. "no I just… how am I supposed to talk to a man who refuses to listen. you know I've tried to talk to him about Chores, not being a pig, everything, and he just refuses to listen." she pursed her lips, it was clear she was fighting back tears, something I'd never seen from her before. I knew Eren was stubborn and hard to reason with, but I didn't realize it was this bad. how was she supposed to get through to someone who had ignored her before? …shit.
"can I talk to him?" I blurted, not even realizing what I had just requested. "you… you want to talk to him? about us having less sex." she sounded confused, not grasping at what I meant. "no… about hearing you out." I explained. "why?" she leaned her head on my shoulder. "because I need to do the same thing." I huffed, admitting the truth to myself. she fell silent, thinking about what she wanted to say.
"want to talk about it?" she fiddled with the drink in her hand. "if I tell you something… will you promise to never ever tell anyone, not even Eren." my heart raced, scared to tell her the truth, but if there was anyone I could talk to about this stuff, it was Mikasa. "cross my heart." she nodded.
"I… I uh-" I cleared my throat. "I am a uh- cam boy…" I trailed off, voice barely audible. her body tensed against mine, physically shocked by my confession. we sat in an awkward silence, unsure of what to say next when a soft laugh escaped Mikasa's lips. "I've wondered how you suddenly had so much money, I knew you didn't have a job, I was beginning to thing you were like a bank robber or something." she laughed, body shaking against mine. "y-you don't think that's horrible? that its weird?" I questioned. "ohArmin, I already knew you were weird, who am I to judge what you do in your free time. I mean I would never do it, but man, get your bag. you have my full support." she nudged my arm. a huge wave of relief crashed over my body.
"is that why you and Y/N like… stopped talking? she found out about it and like didn't like it? if so she's more shallow than I thought." Mikasa inquired. "no, not at all. she already knew, hell she had watched them. she put two and two together the first time she ever set foot in my room." I laughed. "for real?" she asked, shocked again, obviously a night full of surprises. I nodded, confirming it. "then what happened?" she continued to gently press.
"she doesn't have a job, and she needs a new car but her parents cant afford a new car and her rent so I was trying to brain storm some job ideas with her and jokingly suggested streaming which she shot down fast and… kind of rudely… and I took it to heart. b-but she tried to apologize but I refused to listen to her apology." I told Mikasa, explaining the situation, she nodded understandingly. "so you're going to talk to her?" she asked. "im going to talk to Eren first, but then… I should probably at least give her a chance to apologize for real." I sighed, knowing it was overdue. "okay... any chance you could talk to Eren tonight, like now? I was gonna break up with him tomorrow." she lifted her eyes and pleaded. I laughed with a nod, pushing to stand up and find Eren.
you are so very missed queen😔😔come back soonnnnnnnahhhh😣🙏💗💗
IM SO SORRY I'VE BEEN GONE!!!!
your girl is currently undergoing Iron Infusions, studying for a real estate license and is a full time secretary and has no free time to write lately 😒
I promise promise PROMISE I will finish it soon, theres only going to be a few more chapters but I just need to find some time to get back on my grind!!!
"alright then Y/N L/N, is was wonderful to meet you, and we will let you know our decision soon." the interview lady extended her hand to shake yours, her smile practiced and cold. "It was wonderful to meet you. have a great day!" you smiled, trying to stat positive about this interview, you probably sounded so dumb trying to answer job related questions when you'd never had a real job before. "you too." she nodded before you turned to leave. this was your 3rd interview today and your social battery was completely drained and your brain fried. you stood outside the building, the chill evening air nipped at your nose, your arms instinctively pulling into yourself. you looked around the busy strip mall, bustling with college students enjoying their Sunday. groups of people dodged in and out of stores, laughing and talking. the bar near by was bumping loudly, packed with far too many people for only being 3pm. you made your way to the bus stop, wanting to ride the bus closer to your apartment so you wouldn't have to walk the whole way. you waited on the side walk, sitting on you phone to distract yourself.
"Y/N is that you?" you heard a voice call. you looked up and saw a girl you vaguely remembered. "uh, yeah." you nodded, trying to put a name to a face. "I didn't expect to see you out and about, you waiting for the bus?" she asked, pointing at the sign behind you. your face flushed hot, embarrassed that you got caught here, waiting like a loser. you nodded slowly, not wanting to admit it out loud. "do you need a ride? I was just heading out to go find Connie." she offered, jingling her keys. Connie… Connie? your eyebrows creased slightly, trying to figure out why the name seemed so familiar.
"do you… not remember me?" she asked cautiously. "I- well no. kind of but I dont remember your name." the words tasted horrible on your tongue, feeling horrible that you had forgotten her when she clearly recognized you. "Sasha, Mikasa invited you over after finals." she explained, sparking the memory in my head. "oh right!" You exclaimed, finally remembering. "you were so nice and made me feel really welcome." you chuckled. "oh good, im glad! are you coming to the hang out tonight? its a bit smaller cause Armin, Historia, Annie, and Bert have classes tomorrow morning but im sure it will still be fun!" she asked, taking a step closer while she talked. "uh- I wish I could but I also have class tomorrow morning, A-Armin and I have class together." you explained. "awe man, you'll have to come to the next one. come one, I'll give you a ride wherever you need to go. the bus stinks." she urged you to follow. "I don't-" she cut you off.
"hush, come on, you're a friend and the bus is sketch." she laughed, grabbing your hand and leading you to her red Honda and you let her, to mentally strained to argue. "where do you need to go?" she asked, starting up her car. "just home, its on 12th street." you told her. she nodded and plugged in her phone, playing some pop music softly. "so do you not have a car?" she asked, pulling out of the parking lot and in the direction of your apartment. "I did, my engine broke on me last week." you sighed. "man that sucks." she pouted. you guys continued to make some small talk while she drove you back the 7 minutes to your apartment.
"here, whats your number?" she asked, pulling out her phone as you pulled up to your apartment. you spewed out the numbers and watched her type it in before your phone buzzed in your back pocket. "okay perfect, I sent you my name to put in. let me know if you ever need a ride, okay?" she smiled, setting her phone back. "thank you Sasha, I really appreciate it." you smiled. "of course." she nodded. you grabbed your stuff and exited the car, closing the door and waving while you walked up to your apartment. the only other person who had been so nice to just give you a ride was Armin. that group really was sweet, it was a shame that you and Armin weren't talking cause you might have actually considered going to hang out if you were.
as you sat in your bed, you pulled out your phone, scrolling through any notifications you might have received. any hope you had for Armin to text you was completely gone, replaced with a sad ache that completely ruined the urge to reach out or text him. you felt disappointed and defeated. maybe this was the worlds way of telling you that you needed to slow down, the two of you had moved too fast anyways, meeting and then doing whatever the fuck you two were doing just a couple weeks after, moving so fast your actions had blurred as unclear timeline of events in your head. the two of you barely even knew each other so it shouldn't have been as big of a deal as it had become to you, but it was. The loneliness you’d been trying to ignore at this college suddenly felt all too real. You had no friends here, not really. No crushes, no parties, no life. Just boring days after boring days in a boring room, lonely apartment, and dull world, only now you saw it for all it truly was. you were just fucking boring.
you curled up in your bed, blankets holding you hostage as they became tangled around your body, serving you comfort while you felt anything but that. it was lonely here, you had the taste of companionship for just a little bit and you ripped it away with your own mouth. you had assignments you had to complete, at least 4, but you genuinely just couldn't care any less about them. the red hues from the sunset leaked into your room, lighting up what your turned off ceiling bulb refused to do. all you wanted to do was sleep and hope that you felt better tomorrow.
IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE, I WAS ON VACAY AND HAD CHAPTERS SCHEDULED TO POST BUT THEY DIDN'T POST :((
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you sat in your bed, head in your hands as you desperately tried to get your work done. you were behind in almost all of your classes already, mind too pre-occupied to focus on anything. you had submitted a dozen job applications to places within a 20 minutes walking distance as well as biking distance if it really had to come to that, all you knew was you couldn't keep living like this.
you'd be lying if you said you weren't overly focused on your phone. you were checking every notification the second it came through, hoping it was Armin, it never was. he hadn't even streamed since the two of you talked last, or at least you hadn't received any notifications of his streams. it was complete radio silence from him, and it hurt. you hadn't even messaged Mikasa, truly wanting to give him some space, but you were desperate for him to contact you, desperate for him to forgive you, so much so that it hurt.
Armin POV (flashback Thursday night.)
I drove myself home, hurt pulsating in my chest. I couldn't believe I had trusted her so easily, I'd never been more stupid. I was too lost in my own lust to see that it was a mistake, going after someone who knew what I was, knew what I did... who was I kidding, though I was sure she was just as hurt as I was right now. I didn't mean what I had said, the insult was eating away at me. it had gotten too personal, a place I hadn't meant to go, and I didn't know what else to do than shove her away to protect myself. for as smart as everyone said I was, right now I felt really fucking stupid.
I sat in my car in the drive way, mentally face palming when I saw other cars in the drive way. Jean and Marco were over, as well as another car I didn't recognize. I sighed and grabbed my bag, throwing it over my shoulder and attempting to slip in the house un-noticed. I turned the handle softly, pushing the door open as slipping in as carefully as I could, quietly taking my shoes off and turning to close the door, handle twisted so the sound of it closing wouldn't click. I locked the door and took a step back.
"you aren't supposed to be here." I bumped into someone as I stepped back, turning to see Eren with a suspicious look on his face. "what?" I questioned. "you are supposed to be at Y/N's place , you left not even an hour ago, why are you home." he asked again. "s-she… she wasn't feeling well so we called it a night. why does it matter, im allowed to be at my own home." I tried to push past. "so explain why you look like someone just ran over your imaginary childhood dog." he pushed me back gently, putting me back where I previously stood. "I don't? nothing happened, just leave it dude." I scoffed, rolling my eyes. "yeah, nothing happened and I'm ugly. bull shit. dude you're my best friend, you can talk to me." he nudged me. "no, not about this." I shook my head, giving him a look that told him I was serious.
"did she… do something?" he didn't understand how I had gone from head over heels to whatever this was in just an hour. before I had left, I was so excited, and now I was just in a bad mood. "no… I'm okay." I shook my head, slipping past him to get to my room. "Armin, I'm here for you okay." he called after me, but I just closed the door and put my bag on the ground not acknowledging his words. I pulled out my bottle of alcohol, chugging ¼ of it in one go. I flopped onto my bed, face in my pillows as I just breathed, calming my racing heart. I felt conflicted.
even though Y/N's words hit me like a train in the gut, I couldn't help but replay the sound of her sweet voice in my ear just moments before the phone call, her body squirming under mine, her warm skin pressed to my hands. I had fantasized about her more times than I can count, and trying to put space between her and her words was so hard. she had me wrapped around her finger so tight and I didn't know how to act. her words cut me open like a blade but her lips on mine felt like a kiss of oxygen, how was I supposed to be mad and like her like this at the same time. I could go back, say I over reacted, say I was sorry, but how was I supposed to set boundaries if I didn't stick to what I knew in my brain, even if I knew that wasn't what my heart wanted. more importantly, how was I supposed to make up for saying such hurtful things to her?
I wasn't trying to hurt her… I just was desperately trying to protect myself at her expense. god, I am so horrible, the worst really. I flipped onto my back, legs dangling off the edge of my bed, staring up at the ceiling fan, eyes following it as I drowned in my thoughts.
my phone buzzed in my pocket and I knew in my heart that it was Y/N, but I just couldn't bring myself to look at it. what if she was texting me saying I was a dick for what I said, or maybe saying that I was overreacting or pathetic for leaving the way I had. I just couldn't bring myself to look with the fear of what could appear on that stupid little screen of mine.
a knock sounded from the door and Mikasa peeked her head in. "hey Minnie, you doing okay?" she asked softly, I glanced at her and back at the fan. "no." I shook my head. "how come?" she taped her fingers on the door awkwardly. "feelings are dumb." I stated flatly. she chuckled and stepped in, sitting on the edged of my bed. "I know how you feel." she nodded. "not really though… you and Eren were bound to be together, you've been close since we were kids, you didn't really have to go through the struggles of finding someone." I huffed.
"well, no we didn't- but that doesn't mean it was easy at all. hell, Eren and I get in fights almost daily, some mild squabbles but sometimes our arguments get pretty heated. you know that. you also know how many times we've broken up and gotten back together." she looked at the door while she talked. Mikasa didn't like talking about her and Eren's relationship all that much, she just wanted it to be, hell she didn't really like talking about feeling and stuff at all. "I know." I nodded. "if feelings are involved, things get messy and people get hurt, and there's no way to stop it, all you can do is try to work things out." her voice was barely audible, like she really didn't want to be talking about this right now.
"I know you're here to try and cheer me up but it feels like you need cheering up more than I do." I laughed sadly, scooting over and patting the space beside me for her to lay down. "what can I say, life is hard." she mumbled laying next to me as we both looked up towards the ceiling. "wanna talk about it?" I asked. "no… you?" she turned to look at me. "no." I chuckled. she nodded and looked back up at the fan, grabbing my throw blanket and draping it over herself.
Armin POV (Friday)
I hadn't gotten any sleep, Mikasa and I talked about absolutely nothing until she finally left to go to bed around 4 am. my mind was running all morning on how I was supposed to respond to Y/N's message, no good response escaping my racing thoughts. she apologized, and I mean, really apologized. it was a whole essay of feelings, but I just didn't know how to respond to it. was I supposed to forgive and forget, move on and betray my brain, or was I supposed to try and hold her accountable and hurt my heart in the process? I looked at the time '7:30'.
I scrambled out of bed, I was for sure going to be late and in my scramble to get out of bed, I had accidentally actually opened the message. I mentally cursed as I would probably seem like even more of a dick for leaving her on read. I brushed my teeth and brushed my hair, throwing on a new outfit and rushing out the door with my bag in hand, ignoring a passed out Jean and Marco that scattered on the living room floor. they obviously had a fun night last night. I got in my car and began my drive to school in complete silence.
I pulled into the parking lot at 7:57, barely any time to get to class before I would be late. I walked in the front door, speed walking to get into class just as the clock hit 8:01, thankfully our teacher was late every day. I tugged my bag further onto my arm, entering the room when I saw the back of her head at our usual spot, my stomach sank. she turned to look at me, her face sad, every word from last night etched on her face. it felt like I was stuck in place, my legs not wanting to move any closer. I tore my eyes away and moved to sit in the back, I couldn't sit next to her knowing that I had hurt her especially seeing how my words had effected her. my phone buzzed in my pocket.
Y/N :) - Armin, seriously I am really sorry, just please let me apologize.
I shut my phone off quick, not wanting to feel any worse about the situation as I set my head in my hands. Mikasa's words spiraled around my brain. if feelings are involved, things are bound to get messy, but what if I didn't want messy, I just wanted happy. is that too much to ask for?
—
the teacher announced the end of class, all of my items already shoved in my bag as I made my way out, desperately avoiding bumping into Y/N, I really just didn't know what to say to her. I had to run to the library and pick up a textbook a friend had borrowed so I went straight there, not looking back until I was sure she hadn't seen or followed me.
you woke up Friday morning, work un-finished and mind so tired. you were up until 4 am waiting for Armin to read your desperate apology message to no avail. you had barely known him a couple weeks but it felt so much longer than that, like the two of you were so much closer than that, and honestly, you were hurt as well. how could he insult you so easy like that especially when you hadn't meant what you said especially not in the way you said it. you rolled out of bed and pulled open your computer, prioritizing finishing a half assed version of your assignment before you got ready, you only had about 10 minutes to spend on this since you had to uber to school again this morning. you had done maybe half of it yesterday before you gave up and you were struggling to come up with anything to write, the only thing present on your mind was how you were going to get Armin to talk to you again, how you were going to apologize to him and some how make him believe it.
you slapped some poor excuse for information on the assignment, not being bothered enough to proof read any of it, and slammed your laptop closed, throwing it in your bag and marching to the bathroom to wash your face and tame your hair. you felt grimy and gross. a mixture of desperate need and intense disappointment was etched into every piece of you. you couldn't be bothered to put on any make up, nor did you have time to seeing as all of your slow moping around this morning was eating up more time than you should have allowed. you ordered your uber while you sifted through your closet, settling on a white sweater and some flowy black pants, the easiest outfit you could come up with while still being in dress code. you grabbed your bag and filled your water in the kitchen and grabbed a protein bar, opening it and taking a bite of the chocolate covered snack when you got the notification saying your uber was here, the same guy from yesterday you were pretty sure. you found the black Nissan Ultima and opened the back door, confirming he was your driver like you had done several times this week. you plopped in the seat and sighed, not indulging in any kind of small talk with the guy while he drove you to campus.
he dropped you off at the front doors, earlier than you usually got here on your own. you walked in the doors, making your way towards you class, sitting at a table just outside your class room till a few more people showed up seeing as you were the first one and didn't end up wanting to get stuck talking to your teacher for any longer than you had to. you checked your phone, finding yourself clicking into you and armins messages to see if maybe he had responded. your stomach knotted when you saw he had read it about 30 minutes ago but didn't respond. you hesitated, fingers hovering over the keyboard, debating if you should try again but ultimately decided not to, swiping out of you apps and shutting your phone back off.
what if all he needed was space? if I keep nagging at him, it will never give him the space he probably needs to get over what I had said. a couple other students showed up and you decided it was time to also head in seeing as class started in just about 5 minutes. your professor still hadn't arrived so you sat at your normal table, alone. you glanced over every time someone new came in, waiting to see when Armin was going to come in. he finally walked in, looking tired and a little disheveled. he looked at you, paused for a moment and walked to sit somewhere in the back at an empty set of tables, your heart sunk while you pulled your attention from him, pulling your phone out again, maybe you could try one more time.
You- Armin, seriously I am really sorry, just please let me apologize.
read 8:01
You- Please?
delivered
you pursed your lips and shoved your phone back in you back, getting frustrated with how stubborn he was being, or maybe with how eager you were to make amends. you were never one to ever insult or be rude to anyone, you had always done your best to try and fix a problem you had caused with other people, but how were you supposed to apologize to someone who refused to listen. it was like your brain and your heart were in a constant state of push and pull. should you leave him alone? or should you find a way to make him forgive you? your professor walked in and greeted the class, asking all of you to pull out the assignment from yesterday. thank go you had decided to 'finish' it this morning.
—
your professor announced the end of class and you quickly shoved your things in your bag, rushing to beat Armin out to talk to him, your final attempt at trying to reach out, but he was too swift. he was already out the door by the time you had turned to head that way. you quickened your pace, trying to follow him out but it was like he had just disappeared, you didn't see him anywhere from the classroom door to the parking lot. you didn't realize you had really hurt him this bad. you sat on a bench outside of the school while you ordered another uber, the cost of this back and forth was really hurting your already pathetic excuse of a bank account. you rested back on the bench, irritated with yourself, but more than anything, disappointed in your lack of empathy last night. what in the world possessed you to say that to him… you felt so fucking horrible. but that was your last attempt, now, it was time to give him space and hope he would accept your apology in days to come.
your uber arrived and you got in, no small talk other than a small cordial greeting. he drove you back to your place and dropped you off at your door, telling you to have a good day and driving off. you fumbled with your keys to enter your apartment and collapsed onto the couch, a sad aura seeming to consume your whole apartment, making it feel lonelier than it usually did, colder and more sad.
IDEA BY : @iiamjam Check out their story as well! its sooo good
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You were pinned on the bed, trapped between your soft purple comforter and Armins warm body as he attacked your neck, kissing and sucking, leaving numerous hickeys on your sensitive skin you were sure you were going to have to cover up before class tomorrow. "fuck-" you heaved, heart beating faster than you previously thought humanly possible. Armins hands rested on your breasts, twisting and pinching your hardened nipples, shocks of electric pleasure coursing through your body.
your body jolted as the sound of a phone ringing sounded through your bedroom walls, scaring the shit out of the two of you and completely ruining the moment. Armin pulled away, looking back at the table for his phone while you searched for yours, reaching all over the bed when you finally found it. your dads contact was displayed across the screen. "fuck, I have to take this, I'm sorry." you sighed, knowing it was best not to ignore your dad seeing as last time you did, he presumed you had died or something like that. you yanked your sweatshirt back down and slid off your bed, walking to the living room as you answered the call. "hey dad, whats up?" you asked, sitting on the couch. "hey Y/N…" he muttered, you knew that tone, he was about to deliver you bad news.
"what? whats happening?" you asked quickly, nervous to know what had happened. "its nothing horrible just… you know how I had your car towed to the mechanic the other day?" he began, you hummed signaling you were following along. "well, they finally got back to me, and your car is practically totaled unless we want to pay thousands of dollars for a new engine, it was seized from some issue with the oil and engine neglect, I don't know the full story." he sighed. "what? you're kidding right? dad I cant keep paying for ubers to class, I need a car." you frowned, disappointed at the news. "well that's not my main concern right now. my main concern is why you didn't bother telling me about the state of your car?" he sounded on edge, the tone he used before he got angry. "don't even start that with me. I told you MONTHS ago that my check engine light was on and you said you would handle it. how was this my fault?" you argued, beating him to the trigger, something you had learned to be good at since you had left for college.
"you should have reminded me or kept up with it Y/N, you could have taken it to the mechanic yourself. you're an adult now, act like it." you could tell he was biting back harsher words. the day he gave you the car, he told you to take good care of it, that it was the first car he had bought on his own and it meant a lot to him. you felt a tinge of guilt in your chest, feeling like you had let him down, but what else were you supposed to do as a broke college student. you knew a couple friends back in high school who had their check engine lights on for like a year and their cars were still running, you didn't think that it would break down like it did. "dad… I've been so busy with class I haven't had time to do anything on my own I've done nothing but school work all week. I have class every day. I don't have time to sit at a mechanic for hours and then most likely get stranded cause of that piece of shit car. I don't have any fucking friend here to have loaned me a ride, how was I supposed to get back? you hardly every answer when I call or text, youve been less reliable than that car dad." you exclaimed, clearly frustrated but trying your best not to take it own on your dad.
"we dont have the money to get you a new car right now, not if you want us to keep paying for your apartment off campus. either move back on campus or get a job to pay for your own car or rent, either or." he stated flatly before hanging up. you sighed, throwing your head back on the couch. you let out a very irritated groan as Armin exited you bedroom, leaning on the hallway wall. "you don't have any friend huh?" he raised an eyebrow, catching your attention. "A-Armin I-" you froze. "I'm just kidding. I know where I stand with you." he nodded. you couldn't read the expression on his face but it seemed to be understanding. you looked at him, noticing he still had a boner, but the mood had already been killed and you truly just weren't up for it anymore.
"my car is totaled and now I've got to get a job to buy a new one." you hugged your knees up to your chest, irritation present in your voice. "you can get a job on campus or as a waitress at a near by restaurant." he stated, not moving from the wall. you shook your head, hating the idea of customer service in a college town. "the library is hiring." he added. "I don't really read." you countered. "secretary? though that might be harder to find, I dont think there's many jobs like that open." you thought about it for a moment, drawing blanks for any place that might be hiring that you would actually enjoy. "I… I don't know." you shrugged, shaking your head. he went silent, thinking for a moment.
"you could always stream?" he said quietly, like he was unsure if he even wanted to suggest it. "absolutely not." you shut that down fast. "why not?" he chuckled, confused. "cause I dont want my family and friends ever finding that shit, and I have more self respect than th-" you slapped your mouth over your hand, remembering just who you were talking to. your eyes met his, hurt flashing across his face as realization clicked into place. "you… you think I dont have any self respect?" he scoffed, hiding it with a pitiful laugh. "no A-Armin I… not you, me. i-its different." you tried to explain, not making it any better. "no, its not different." he shook his head, turning to head back into your room.
"Armin, that's not what I meant. I-I just mean I hold m-myself to a higher standard." you pleaded, realizing what you said just made it worse based on his laughing reaction. "wow. here I was thinking I had finally found someone who wouldn't judge me for this shit." he laughed. "Armin, I never said I was judging you!" you watched frantically as he grabbed his bag and slung it on his shoulder. "no, you just criticized what I did and basically said that everyone one else who did it as well isn't to your standards and doesn't have any self respect." he retaliated sadly. "Armin that's not what I meant." you followed him as he walked to your door. "did you even stop to consider why I might do such a thing, why someone like me would expose them self online like that." he turned around to face you, eyes full of hurt. you shook your head, afraid to respond.
"I grew up with two spoiled rich kids for best friends while I didn't have much. my mom makes no money from her work and my dad teaches middle school english. I rejected my dream school because the loans were too expensive and I didn't get the grant I was holding out for. and then, eren and Mikasa decided they wanted us all to live off campus and split everything evenly. how was I supposed to explain to my best friends that I preferred to stay in the dorms cause it was covered in my scholarship? so I took up a job, but I had no time to finish my studies if I wanted to take full advantage of this scholarship, so I did the easiest thing I could that wouldn't interfere with my studies." he ranted, anger lacing his words like poison. "if anyone from the committee found out what I did, everything I built would be in jeopardy, I put up several safety measures to ensure no one found it. but then you wriggled you way in and I thought I could trust you. but I guess im just a body and a brain to you as well." he bit the inside of his cheek, avoiding your gaze. "but you know what, at the end of the day, I am fully self sufficient while you rely on your parents to take care of you." so screw you and your 'self respect' "
"n-no Armin-" it was too late, he opened the door and slammed it in his face as shock rattled through your body. what did you just do… you didn't mean to insult him and yet he outright insulted you to your face, how was that fair.
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I needed angst, I cant write a story with out it. :(
you moved your computer and sat on your bed, draping blankets over your lap while Armin sat at your desk, pulling a bottle out of his bag. "whats that?" you asked, motioning to the un-labled blue liquid. "liquid motivation." he raised his eyebrows, sliding the bottle towards you. "bless." you smiled, grabbing the bottle and taking a swig, the strong smell hitting you before anything else. "oh my god." you choked, Armin laughed as you recovered from the straight up acetone you just drank. you put the bottle on the desk, absolutely astounded by how strong it was. "its not that bad." Armin shook his head, taking a drink like it was water. "you fucking alcoholic." you scoffed. "not an alcoholic, just have alcoholic roommates." he shook his head, twisting the cap back on. "same difference."
"how long have you been working for? you got home around 4 right?" he asked. you were surprised he remembered seeing as you still didn't even have your scheduled memorized like that. "yeah, just about 3 hours now… started getting to work the second I got home." you nodded. "that's a long time, no wonder your brain is melting." he shook his head with a laugh. "well, its my punishment for putting everything off till the last second." you pursed your lips, knowing armins stance on procrastination. "almost like I had told you this might happen." he teased.
you opened your laptop, looking back at the assignment brightly displayed on the screen. "yeah I know. have you started?" you asked. "i finished it already." he nodded. "are you serious?" your mouth fell agape, he nodded with a sly smile. "I… I think I might… hate you." you muttered, narrowing your eyes at him. "no you don't." Armin laughed. "yes. I hate smart people who do stuff on time. that's what I've decided." you argued, clicking into the presentation to see his slide. "well then, I guess I'll just leave you to your work by yourself then." he shrugged, beginning to stand. "no!" you snapped your head up. "don't- please don't go…" you pleaded. Armin sat back down with a satisfied look that made your heart race. "you still hate me?" he cocked his head. "n-no." you muttered, embarrassed at how desperate you probably sounded. you didn't appreciate how confident he had gotten with you, especially after Monday. it made you feel pathetic with how little confidence you seemed to have when he was around, the whole thing made worse with how desperate you were to just be around him.
"okay, lets get these assignments of yours done, so you can rest your brain." he moved the chair closer, sitting right in front of your bed. "there's no rest for the smooth brained." you rolled your eyes. "smooth brained?" Armin looked perplexed. "smooth brained. stupid people. its a joke. like the wrinklier your brain is, the smarter you are. my brain is just like a big ol' bowling ball sitting in my head, no wrinkle in sight., unlike yours, your brain probably looks like the wrinkly face of a 200 year old man." you wrote your name on the open slide right below Armins. "you are so strange." he chuckled. "but, stop saying you're dumb. cause it's not true." his smile dropped slightly. "well, the only other option would be that I'm smart, but seeing as I need so much of your help, I think its easier to just settle for the other option." you typed away on your computer, not wanting to look at him while having a conversation like this. "Y/N. you aren't dumb." he said firmly. "well, that's what you think." you shrugged.
you could feel his eyes studying you as you tried to start your assignment, finding it hard to focus being armins main point of attention right now. it made you squirm when he placed a hand under the blankets and on your knee. "you are smart though. I've tutored stupid people, and you aren't stupid. i promise." he brushed his thumb over your knee, making your breathing hitch. "is that what this is? j-just tutoring?" it took everything in you to say anything, your voice strained and unsteady. just the simple touch made your core light on fire and your voice get stuck in your throat. "depends… is that all y-you want it to be?" his voice was quieter and a little on edge now, like how you responded determined how this whole night would go.
"I-" your hands froze on your computer, brain completely blank, Armins hand sliding up higher on your leg. "y-you uh- " you desperately were trying to form a sentence while your thigh burned from his warm touch, goosebumps beginning to cover your body. "we can just study. i-if that's what you want." he continued, thumb still brushing your skin. "N-no I… I don't-I-" pathetic. you felt absolutely pathetic, unable to say anything. you had been so stressed with school that your brain had just completely shut down the second he had touch you, and now it just didn't want to re-boot back up.
"I think you could use a little relaxation break… don't you?" he gently pulled your laptop out of your hands, closing it on your desk. "y-yeah." you nodded, eyes glued to his while his hands snaked up to your hips under the sweatshirt. he stood from the chair as your hands moved to the back of his neck, pulling im into a kiss. you just couldn't resist him, even if the whole point of you not going over to his place was to avoid this exact scenario from happening. he kissed you like it actually meant something, like he was trying to speak words into his kiss, extending all of him into you. as you were pushed into the bed, all you could think about was how soft and warm his hands felt, traveling all over your torso, touching every bit of skin he had access to like it would disappear if he didn't. you so badly wanted to push him away, get back to work, but his kiss was intoxicating, like a kiss of life that made you dizzy in the head. he pulled the blanket off your lap and tossed it to the side, pulling at his sweatshirt you wore, exposing your braless breasts, making your breath suffocate in your throat, anticipation wriggling its way downstairs as your heat began to throb, crying out for Armin in every way he could physically provide.
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I was gonna make this a lil angsty and a slower burn than it is, but a girl cant do that to herself, ive written enough angst for a life time with my other story. :3
it was almost as though your teachers wanted to punish you for finally being a little at peace in this world. by the end of Thursday you had a whole days worth of work and were so fucking stressed. you sat at your desk, papers and notebooks scattered about while you tried to get at least one of your assignments done, brain fighting to stay on task. your phone lit up on the desk beside you, a message coming though. you fought so hard no to look at it, not to get distracted but them you saw who it was from, instantly picking it up.
Armin :) -Did you see our new assignment, professor said he wants it done by tomorrow.
you- Assignment? you're kidding me right???
Armin :) -nope, its due in class tomorrow. he said he forgot to send it out Tuesday.
You- not doing it. :(
Armin:) - would you like to come over? I can help you with it?
you dragged your hands down your face. you would love more than anything just to go over to Armins and 'work on the assignment' but you didn't have time to waste away a whole afternoon, especially not after pushing back all of your work till the last second.
you- I wish I could, I just have too much work right now. sorry:(
Armin:) - It's okay, do you need anything? snacks, drinks, emotional support?
You- tequila?
Armin:) - no, but I can bring you a seltzer. you shouldn't do assignments drunk.
You- boo. no I'm okay, thank you for the offer though. maybe we can call and do the assignment after I finish the shit im working on now.
Armin :) - Okie, just lmk.
you put your phone back down, trying to focus back on your assignment. you were writing an essay on how different teaching styles affect children understanding and behavior. it was supposed to be full of statistics and facts but your brain had turned to complete mush. you typed a sentence, read it, deleted it and wrote a new one, following the same process for what literally felt like forever till the assignment finally seemed to complete itself. you needed a brain break but if you took one now, you would probably never get back to work. "fuck me." you groaned, back aching from the odd positions it took to sit in this chair for so long.
you navigated to your class page for your assignment Due tomorrow, and read the description. each person in the class had to decorate their own slide on a presentation, talking about what grade and subject they wanted to teach and the most useful tip they had learned so far from the class, as well as which learning style you thought would fit said grade and subject and a couple other things. you placed your forehead on you knees in defeat. it was an easy assignment, but your brain was literally short circuiting right now and you didn't know what to do except dial Armins number in search of help.
"hello?" his voice sounded immediately after the second ring. "help." you pouted softly. "with???" he asked, the singular word being dragged out longer than it needed to be. "im so stressed and I have so much to get done and my brain is short circuiting and melting right now and im going to fail and then im going to flunk out while my brain turns to goo and drips out of all my orifices till I literally die and then everyone is going to make fun of me cause ill be the mushy brained idiot girl who flunked out of college and probably spread the rumor that I was a drug addict or something and then ill be ruined." you ranted till your lungs ran out of air, the whole dramatic complaint flowing in one very long, very strained breath.
"okay, slow your roll, you aren't dying and no one is going to call you a drug addict. what all do you have to do?" he reassured you. "I have at least one assignment per class as well as dozens of reading pages because I was dumb and put them off and I don't want to do work over the weekend cause I was hoping to maybe hangout but now im just stressed and-"
"who said you couldn't do your homework while we hang out? I wouldn't mind helping you out. my schedule is really boring this term." he expressed, gentle and understanding. "I just feel so horrible asking you for help as often as I have, I just wanted to be able to hang out without feeling like a charity case." you whined, defeated. "you aren't a charity case. if I didn't want to help I wouldn't. I enjoy the entertainment that comes with us doing work together." you could hear him smiling. "you mean it?" you asked, still feeling a bit unsure of yourself. "I promise. ill be over in 15, just hold on. try not to let your brain melt out or whatever you said." he rustled around his room. "thanks Armin, Ill try not." you chuckled. "see you in a bit." he hung up, leaving you back to your computer in your dark room, alone.
you had been sitting there longer than you had thought when your doorbell rang. you threw your blanket off, rushing to the door. you flipped your lights on while you passed, stopping to put your dirty dishes from the counter into the sink, thankfully it was only a couple cups. you hopped over to the door, unlocking and opening the door. Armin stood wearing some white sweatpants and the blue sweatshirt you had given him back the other day. he looked you up and down, and bit his lip to hold back a smile. your heart jumped into your throat and you looked down at what you were wearing, short shorts and Armins sweatshirt. you totally forgot this is what you had changed into after class. you looked back up at him, loosing your train of thought with the way he looked at you, flashing back to Monday. he looked hungry, like he could pounce at any second.
"hey." you breathed softly, finally finding your voice. he chuckled, returning a 'hey' back as you let him inside. "you cleaned." he looked back at you after he scanned your living room. "wha- oh uh yeah, I was stress cleaning yesterday." you closed the door, locking it behind you. "I see," he nodded. "for living alone, this place seems so full." he looked around at all your furniture, the bookshelves and paintings you had that decorated the apartment. "I'd rather be surrounded by mounds of stuff than feel lonely every day in an empty apartment." you walked towards your room, leading him back with you. he hummed, following you to your room.
It has been a nice and warm day, despite it being late August it wasn’t too hot out. The smell of salt in the air and the sounds of families in the distance filled Armins ears. Today was the day that the friend group would chill at the beach, they were currently waiting on Connie and Y/N. Eren, Jean, mikasa and Sasha were busy playing a little beach volleyball while Armin sat on their little blanket set up, reading a book. The crew brought a bunch of snacks and food, planning to stay at the beach for a long time today.
“Guys!” Connie yelled, running up to the group. They all looked over, waving and beginning to walk toward him, armin stayed seated. Connie had been wearing a pair of short blue swim trunks with flamingos printed on them. He hadn’t been wearing a shirt, of course. He was always going on and on about tanning. Armin didn’t pay much attention, instead turning his gaze to Y/N. She wasn’t wearing anything too revealing but that was the allure to her. She wore a yellow two-piece set, the top was something like a tank top but instead of having straps it tied around her neck. From where he was sitting he could tell that it had some type of lace detailing to it. The bottoms were the typical bikini bottoms that tied on the side but over them she wore a pair of short Jean shorts. They couldn’t have been longer than 3” and she left them unbuttoned.
Armin could feel his breath catch in his throat. Something about this look was so hot to him that he could feel his swim trunks tightening. She looked so beautiful today, with the cute sunflowers in her hair, her outfit, and her sandals. Her skin was so shiny. Armin couldn’t tell if it was sunscreen or something else that she used but it was distracting. Armin watched her the entire time as they walked closer, once they made it armin had to quickly set his book on top of his lap. He was a bit embarrassed with how hard he’d gotten that quickly.
“Hi armin” Y/N said softly, taking a seat next to him as the others ran off to play more beach volleyball. Y/N couldn’t help but stare at armin also, he didn’t wear anything exposing either. He wore a pair of navy swim trunks that stopped at his knees and a black compression shirt. Armin wasn’t at all that muscular but you could tell that he was pretty lean under his clothes. There were a few bumps there, not completely smooth. Her eyes slowly trailed up his body before stopping at his face. His skin was glowing, probably from the sunscreen that he’d been wearing he looked handsome as always.
“Hi,” Armin muttered. He couldn’t get over how her body settled in her clothes, filling them out perfectly. He loved the way her breasts pushed against her top and how her thighs looked in those little shorts. He slowly licked his lips, his eyes trailing up Y/N’s body before stopping at the woman’s pretty face. He smiled softly, his eyes taking in every detail that he could. Y/N could feel her stomach flutter and a tingle between her thighs. His lips were so pretty and pink and his smile was attractive. “I'm glad that you came” he said softly, his hand pressing against that book. He could feel himself throbbing. The smell of her perfume took over his senses and was driving him crazy.
“I love the beach” Y/N smiled as she began digging through her bag to sunscreen. They'd been sitting under a huge umbrella but sunscreen was still important. And there was only a matter of time before the others called them to join them. “Connie told me that you loved the beach also, but like on a deeper level” she said as she began rubbing sunscreen on her arms. Armin had been half listening half distracted. She looked so good that he could hardly focus. He'd lost so much cum over the past few days due to Y/N that he swears that his brain was fried. He bit his lip, nodding.
“Y-yeah….I would've studied marine biology but I figured taking over the family business was smart, I'd be set for life, plus I like it enough” armin had been pretty steady, barely shuddering this time since he was slowly getting used to her being this close but when she began rubbing the sunscreen on her legs, her anklet dangling with every movement and how soft her thighs looked he nearly choked. He wished that he could be the one doing it, but knowing himself, it would've turned into him fucking into her thighs without a care in the world.
“That's actually so cool. I just like the seashells and stuff, compared to you I sound childish” Y/N laughed, now rubbing sunscreen onto her other leg. She tried not to look at armin as much since she herself was throbbing like crazy. How would she explain herself to Connie when she forces him to take her home earlier just because she's horny?
They continued to speak as she rubbed sunscreen into her skin. It was eventyskkybtime for her to get her back but she couldn't reach. She knew that she would have to ask someone. Mikasa was busy destroying the boys in volleyball and Connie was busy getting his ass whooped. Actually, everybody but armin had been busy.
“Uhm Armin…can you help me out?” she asked softly, holding up the sunscreen. She couldn't imagine how she would reach out to him touching her, especially since she was an extremely sensitive person. If he touched the wrong place how would she explain why she gasped or shrank away? Armin agreed, also not knowing how he would react finally getting to touch her skin, though it was just her back. Her presence was enough for him, he feared he might cum with this new opportunity.
Despite his thoughts he grabbed the sunscreen, squeezing a good amount onto his hands and moving behind Y/N. He rubbed his hands together, warming the product up before pressing his hands against her back. He gently began to work the product in, watching as his hands moved over her smooth skin. He could feel himself leaking through his swim trunks, good thing they were already dark in color. He continued to talk to her about the beach to distract himself, teaching her about different seashells and jellyfish. His soft hands eventually moved up to rub some of the product into the back of her neck. As soon as his fingers touched the area he could feel her flinch, her words dying out. He thought that he'd just been imagining it until he kept going, his fingers rubbing against a spot that made her flinch again.
Armin could've sworn that he precame right there. Was she really that sensitive? He wondered how she'd react if he blew, would she gasp or whimper his name? His hands slowly moved down her spine, feeling as her skin formed goosebumps. He couldn't help but smile. Just as his hands began to move back up the others called for them. Armin sucked his teeth as he removed his hands. He wanted to keep touching her, to find where else she was sensitive but unfortunately everyone's eyes were on them now.
But fuck was he hard. Probably the hardest he'd ever been. When y/n began to move he panicked. She was the only thing hiding his boner from everyone. Sure most of them had seen his dick before, millions have, he just didn't want them to know that seeing Y/N was enough to get him this way. He quickly looped his finger into the belt loop of her shorts. He moved in close, his breath against the back of her neck, softly begging her not to move yet, using the excess sunscreen on his hands as an excuse. He watched as she shuddered, a soft gasp leaving her lips.
Armin bit his lip, his nails digging into his palm as he came a little more. He let out a soft curse as he quickly wiped the rest of the sunscreen off. “Okay, let's go” armin quickly said as he stood, running directly to the water hoping that it would calm his dick and hide the stain in his trunks. Y/N followed, she felt extremely wet, her thighs slick as she walked toward the shore where everyone stood. Y/N was 100% sure that her bikini bottoms were soaked, darker where her arousal leaked under her shorts. Armins voice, his hands, everything about him turned her on to no end. It didn't help that she'd developed a little crush on him.
