I need to vent at least a bit… I don’t have much people in my life, tbh it’s always just one and currently it’s my bf with whom I have the most hard relationship ever. We r married bc of his papers, we are junkies plus I have really addictive personality as Im diagnosed with asperger I always charged my social energy/masking with it… plus after all the years Im left with oh god multiple mental shit I cannot really handle…we went tru two car crashes where the second one was him crashing on amfetamin and now he’s going through court shit. I only wanted us to have one good day without worrying about shit and IT WENT GREAT. I had one of the most beautiful days of my life till one old guy met us and lit forced our drunk asses to have a dinner and drinks with him. I in my lone-time did actually spent some time with old fucking dicks for cash and im 24/7 people pleaser I can’t say no even when I want to, instead I start just staring and leaving my body wich I loose almost any respect for. I in situations like that am hopeless… Back to the story I was hoping my bf will stand it and will drag me out of it if something happens… but well he didn’t, he let the old guy kiss me, in front of all the people that were sitting in the restaurant and ofc I didn’t pull myself away in a second, it took me time to realise and then I did, I started shaking and the old fucker started jerking under the table while touching my thighs, I wasn’t able to move I only felt small tears falling from my face. My bf was pissed but he didn’t do anything and I eventually made myself get my stuff and I left. When my bf came out he started yelling at me to give him the keys and I didn’t want to I knew he wants to leave me now bc I didn’t do anything about it n I was still so polite.Big drama on the street where I didn’t make a sound I just left the whole bag on the ground and decided to walk to one direction till i fell on the ground and I was honestly just trying to fucking breathe and the pain, anxiety and everything was burning me from inside out, everything blurry, everything fucked up. Eventually my bf came to me screaming sum shit how I fucked up, how i should have pull myself away in a second and all I knew I should have, I knew I fucked up…big time. I couldn’t get a sound of me n I was lit just trying to make myself die in the same place, I had broken vodka bottle in my bag as I threw it on the ground before and I cut my hands when I was desperately looking for I don’t even know what. I think two people stopped by me sitting and sobbing on the ground having extreme breakdown and my bf yelling at me… in the end he left. Im sucker in orientation and it took me some time till I stood up on my feet… and then the old dickhead from restaurant came out, started riding around me with his car, telling me to get in, multiple times I said no and then he crossed my way and again said “get in we are gonna find him” I didn’t want to get in I turned myself and he get out of his car, forced me to sit and call my bf who didn’t cared where Im sitting and he didn’t want to tell me where he is. It ended up with the old dickhead taking my phone, saying that Im not allowed to pick up my bfs calls and he gonna ride me home. I wish I would shit my pants but I didn’t… I wasn’t scared. I didn’t care… not at all. I was only hearing my phone ringing and I knew I wanna pick up and I couldn’t… i told him where I need to go, I said a slightly different address (like that would help me right) ofc he stopped my the highway resting place, started talking to me about my bf, that i don’t deserve him and than totally flipped the topic to asking what we do together, started jerking off… again I couldn’t fucking move myself even a bit. He moved to myself, trying to kiss me but I didn’t move w my face even a bit. Disgusting too spicy smell was going from him as he was trying to get to my panties… i still couldn’t move, scream …not even talk… eventually I got “home” He insisted to go with me n I didn’t said anything, i just ringed on the stranger’s house bell and hoped someone will open…
