welcome 2 my stoopid mind

dumping ground for shitposts :)

[xxbadkidzxx]

everything reminds me of her….terreneitor

blank version for your use, feel free 2 steal:

[xxbadkidzxx]

You know what? Fuck you *makes your clown oc and my clown oc start a knife-throwing act together where my clown oc is throwing the knives and your clown oc is the one standing against the board. they spend the weeks leading up to the big festival planning a performance, spending long hours together every day to rehearse. our clown ocs discover that they have some of the same hobbies and interests, that they’ve had some shared experiences and can at least relate somewhat on others. your clown oc confides some of the more vulnerable and/or secret aspects of their life to my clown oc, and my clown oc shares with yours. on the night of the big festival, they get onstage and their act goes amazingly. my clown oc lands all the shots, and your clown oc contorts into all the poses they’ve been practicing perfectly. it’s time for the final throw, the big finale, and as my clown oc turns around after waving to the audience they see your clown oc standing not in the pose they rehearsed, but making a heart with their hands in front of their chest. your clown oc smiles. my clown oc stifles a laugh. my clown oc makes a hand heart back, and goes so far as to playfully blow a kiss across the stage. this is funny, sweet even, but our clown ocs still need to finish their performance. my clown oc starts to wonder if your clown oc pulled a muscle tonight, are they no longer able to pull off their final pose? if so, then the two of them need to make sure that this more humorous finale is still interesting to the audience. my clown oc tries to think quickly–where should they target to throw the knife, above your clown oc’s head? the heart made by their hands could be good, if they just raised their arms up so my clown oc’s knife could go through and hit the board. my clown oc tries to subtly gesture for your clown oc to raise their hand-heart up, but it doesn’t seem like your clown oc gets it, so my clown oc gestures again a little more obviously. they still don’t move. my clown oc raises a glue-and-makeup caked eyebrow. your clown oc narrows their eyes just a bit, smile still unwavering, and suddenly my clown oc feels the blood drain from their painted face as they realize your clown oc knows precisely what they are doing and is, in fact, challenging my clown oc to throw the knife into their heart. on one hand, my clown oc can’t do this— they like your clown oc, they want to spend more time with them after tonight, they don’t want them to die. but on the other— the show must go on. our clown ocs are in front of an audience. an audience that is waiting. your clown oc is waiting. it’s now that my clown oc realizes this is not a spur of the moment decision. this has been in your clown oc’s mind since the beginning. it was never personal, it was never about our clown ocs creating something together. if it wasn’t my clown oc, it would’ve been someone else. my clown oc is just who was around, who responded, who was available. Because you are a performer, unendingly so, and I am just a fool in your audience. Who am I to get in the way of your vision, who am I to inhibit your plans? Who am I to try and hold onto something you clearly never wanted? I hope I’ve served you well.*

[xxbadkidzxx]

rip biolizard you would’ve loved those tiny dinosaurs that you submerge in water and watch them get Larger

[xxbadkidzxx]

if i remember correctly (which I don’t),

[xxbadkidzxx]

Gender Suggestions Open!

I am crowdsourcing my gender. Please leave any ideas you have on what my gender should be/things I should incorporate into it. The cis bus is too cramped and suffocating and every day I realize more and more that it’ll never reach my stop and maybe just maybe I should be on a different bus.

the reward for backing this campaign is one kind smile from a blåhaj.

[xxbadkidzxx]

had a dream where I was gluing together the pieces of a cow’s skeleton in outer space and part of the way through I thought to myself that even if I succeed at putting her bones back together and she comes to life she might die again, but at least she’s in space and would be able to relax this time. no clue what it means. 

[xxbadkidzxx]

saw a borzoi and thought of you. saw a greyhound n thought of you. saw a crusty white dog and thought of u. saw an irish wolfhound and thought of you. saw a pitty + thought of u. saw a burmese mountain dog & thought of u. saw a dachshund & thought of you. saw a husky and thought of u. saw some collies n thought of u. saw a corgi + thought of u. saw some collies n thought of u. saw a papillon and thought of u. saw a lab and thought of u. saw a schnauzer and thought of you. saw a bulldog, thought of u. saw a pomeranian and thought of u. saw chihuahua thought of u. saw like three beagles and thought of you. saw terrier & thought of u. saw a malanois and th

[xxbadkidzxx]

Hair Swoosh

GAH being Emo is the hardest thing in the world no one understands me like fellow EMos do…evrey day I wake up and I write really bad edgy poetry and I think to myself Dear God Please No One look at my Edgy Poetry but also please please pelase look at my edgy poetry im really proud of this one 

[xxbadkidzxx]

Lady Hours

I think womanhood to me looks like dressing up in a colorful outfit, wearing the c*ntiest boots I own indoors, and writing a long diary entry analyzing the visions I sometimes get of throwing myself off the bridge down the street

[xxbadkidzxx]

Had a dream last night where:

for the newest episode of Game Changer, Sam Reich put various cast members from Dropout into a shared dreamscape to figure out how to survive during what he was calling The Summer the World Bent. Everyone had to live together on a big tour bus that was an accessibility nightmare— you had to climb everywhere and like over a refrigerator to get the main living area (it’s a dream, tour buses can have living rooms).  No one else knew it was a dream except Sam— this was just their reality now.  I guess the competition was to see who could figure it out first, but I woke up before the episode finished so Sam Reich if you could contact me please and tell me who won that’d be awesome thank you. Also my mom was there. 

Postscript: while I am honored and humbled by the opportunity for my unconscious mind to serve as a set for Game Changer, I would appreciate a quick email in advance next time so I know I’m having guests. It’s a mess in here and I can’t on good conscience host anyone without cleaning some things up first. 

[xxbadkidzxx]

Please Stop Casting Ice Floor on the Sidewalks

I know it’s winter, so the weather is extra-conducive to ice spells, and it’s really funny to watch people fall (believe me, the amount of time I spend watching baby-falling-over compilations is disgraceful), but creating an ice floor in a public space is dangerous! I was on my way to work this morning at the Feeglehawlk Wizarding School library and there was a full 6-meter circle of ice covering the sidewalk.

Unfortunately, I was a little distracted by the snow fairies passing by so it caught me off guard, and I almost snapped my staff in half trying not to totally wipe out. I couldn’t have gone around it though even if I saw the ice in advance because the roads were busy. Plus I think some of the ice floor extended into the road, posing a hazard for my fellow commuters. 

Just please try not to cast your ice spells where you know other people are going to need to pass through. Or if you’re going cast Ice Floor to prank your friends, at least make sure to thaw it before you’re too far out of range! Not all of us have protective talismans (or strong bones) and will get hurt from a fall. 

(and before anyone asks yes, I am sure it was arcanely-created ice. Naturally occurring ice does not Look Like That. Also on natural ice you can at least stand and have a little bit of control over shuffling across, arcane ice has like zero friction that’s why Ice Floor is such an effective defensive maneuver) 

[xxbadkidzxx]

Fireworks Emoji

If I can't completely obliterate myself and construct a new identity in preparation for the next time you see me, is it really the new year?

[xxbadkidzxx]

For The Last Time Guys

He is NOT my BoYfRiEnD, he is my Pet Project. You always make things SO much weirder than they need to be and frankly I Am Sick Of It.

[xxbadkidzxx]

Tag-Out Lamentation

i feel like it would be more socially acceptable if the reason i put my shorts on inside out was because of some kind of substance-related influence, but unfortunately i am simply built different. not like other girls. too quirky to live, too swag to die. i put my shorts on inside out any day of the week. it just fucking happens. okay goodnight everyone 

[xxbadkidzxx]

Piss Wizehd

I am the piss wizard. Wizard of piss. I can make you piss; I will throw piss at you. I am the piss wizard.

(this post is dedicated to gerard way)

[xxbadkidzxx]

Warriors: Legend of Poggerstar marketing pitch

Get ready for the newest installment in the Warrior Cats franchise, Warriors: Legend of Poggerstar. Before he was the leader of the notoriously rambunctious Gamerclan, Poggerpaw was a kittypet living in an apartment complex with his Twoleg Dave, or @diggydavers on Twitch. After a freak streaming accident killed Dave on camera, Poggerpaw and the rest of the cats in the apartment complex seized an opportunity to take over the empty apartment, master Twoleg technology, and form the first iteration of Gamerclan. With their newfound skills, the clan restarted Dave’s channel under a new name, @Gamercaln01, and slowly rose to Twitch fame with their expert gameplay and witty commentary. However, not everything is all bits and subs when raking in the big Twitch dollars. As emboldened Twolegs start poking their noses where they shouldn’t and Animal Control threatens to dismantle Gamerclan completely, can the Warriors of the complex learn to work together and defend their newfound community, online and IRL?

This thrilling new series modernizes Warriors in ways never seen before, following Poggerpaw and his clanmates as they grapple with existing between Twolegs and fellow cats, the internet and reality, and logging some serious Genshin hours with the boys. 

[xxbadkidzxx]

Y/N has shaved their head

(A/N: I wrote this at 11:43 PM on a friday on my notes app in the bathroom. yes it’s just a glorified shitpost. i apologize, and also do not apologize at all.)

You had hair. Once. Not today though. Today you were bald. You’d spent three hours the night before shaving your head, getting all the way down to the skin (and maybe accidentally nicking yourself a couple times) and slathering lotions and oils all over your dome until it sparkled. Then you’d gone the fuck to bed, and awoken today a new person. A person with a mission. And also somewhere to be! You look over at whatever time-telling device is nearest you (you get to choose) and utter a long string of curses (be they magic-bearing or not, whatever tickles your fancy) as you realize you’re going to be late. (Apologies to any punctual people out there, this is likely rather out for character for you but to be fair it also may be out of character for you to have shaved your head last night so, tough luck.) You dress yourself the way you see fit as fast as you can and get a diddly dang move on out of your abode, taking a hearty swig of water and grabbing something to eat on your way out. 

You arrive at your destination (school? the mall? you decide I’m so fucking tired) where you spot your Friend(tm) waiting for you under a tree (fuck it wherever you are, you’re outside). You see them raise their hand in front of their eyes as you approach, no doubt in an attempt to shield themselves from the bright beams of sunlight reflecting off your polished skull skin like a mirror. When you reach them and enter the shade, they look at you and gasp.  

“Your head!” 

“What do you think?” You say. 

“It’s....” they begin, gesturing wildly. “It’s incredible!” 

Bam. There it is. The douchiest of douchey grins spreads across your face. 

“Thanks, I get that a lot. Though I can’t recall us sleeping together...must’ve been drunk. Sorry.” The single joke you’d been workshopping the entire morning rolls off your tongue like a frozen pea, the satisfaction of your friend walking right into the perfect setup bathing you in a holy light of supreme Chad-ness; and the knowledge fills you that whatever meat you had, metaphorical or otherwise, was huge. The look on your friend’s face makes it even better— the pure shock in their eyes as understanding hits them like Lightning McQueen on Speed and they open their mouth in a silent scream. Triumphant, you burst into a wild cackle and almost think you hear the heavens rumble from your power when you notice that the wind has changed direction. A cloud moves over the sun, and suddenly the air is cold. You look at your friend, who is no longer in shock, who is...smirking. 

“Funny,” they say calmly. A shiver travels up your spine as the kind of dread one only feels when they realize the end of their life is seconds away takes hold of you. 

“I had a similar exchange with your mother, just last night.” 

You perish immediately.