Calm & Chaos

[xxcalmlychaoticxx]

Heartbreak isn’t something you just get over. It’s an experience that keeps returning to remind you that everything is not okay. I think we pretend to be okay when we aren’t. It’s our way of coping. But is it a healthy way of coping? He’s still the first person I think about when I wake up and last thought before I fall asleep. It’s like being haunted but this ghost lives inside of me. Will I ever be enough? Not for someone else but for me?? Can I be enough for me? Ask yourself are you enough for you? Do you think your good enough? Love enough? A decent person and friend?? I think those are questions we should all ask ourselves.

Enjoy the ramblings of a writer

CALM & Chaos

[xxcalmlychaoticxx]

Not Enough.

Have you ever felt that you just were not enough? I feel like this almost everyday. There are a few days where I don’t but the next day its back again with a vengeance. I lost the love of my life and everyday I wake up feeling not enough or not good enough. It is one of the worst feelings in the world. I try to ignore it and keep on with my day. But at night when the silence settles into the house it is all I can feel. How long does it take to stop feeling?! I suppose that is a question that has different answers depending on who you ask. Its been almost 6 months and there isn’t a day that goes by that my heart isn’t re-broken and shattered. I blame myself. Who else can I blame after all? Every day is getting harder and harder. He has moved on and I’m still stuck in this place wondering what it is that is so horrible about me that wasn’t worthy of him and his love. Will it ever fade away? Will I ever be able to feel like I can breathe again? Or will this pain last the rest of my life? I have to believe it gets better. If I don’t well.... The alternative would be devastating. 

Be kind.

Be loving.

Be a force of nature! 

Calm and Chaos 

[xxcalmlychaoticxx]

Harder

They say everything becomes easier over time. I don’t necessarily thank that is true. I think we learn to avoid it or live with it. It doesn’t become “easier.” It does however become harder. Harder to remember. Harder to forget. Harder to forgive. Harder to love. Harder to believe in something. Harder to believe. My heart still hurts even 5 months after having my heart ripped out of my chest. There is no such thing of its gets easier over time. It doesn’t. If anything it hurts even more as time goes by. I try to believe it gets better but, in reality it doesn’t. It gets harder to not cry myself to sleep. It gets harder not to wish it was different. It gets harder to pick yourself up. It gets harder to see the light. It is even worse when you see the person your so in love with be with someone else. 

I have to believe it will get better. That it will become easier over time. That I won’t feel like this forever. I have to believe because otherwise... What other choice is there? 

As always  Be kind, Be loving, Be a force of freakin’ nature.

Love & Chaos

[radioactivepussy]

i know i’m not actually dumb. i’m quite intelligent, really, but thinking all the time can be hard. like so hard. it makes my head hurt. that’s why i like edging so much. when i edge my cunt gets wet. when my cunt gets wet i get dumb. when i get dumb i don’t have to think. you can think for me and isn’t that so much more fun for both of us? you like me better when i’m a ditzy, edge-addicted airhead, anyways, right? it’s better when i turn my brain off and let myself be your stupid little bimbo fuckdoll.

[poundmyjuicycunt2-deactivated20]

I couldn’t have said it better myself. Like minded anti-feminist cumsluts💋❤️

[xxcalmlychaoticxx]

Almost

The saddest word in the whole wide world is the word almost.

He was almost in love.

She was almost good enough for him.

He almost stopped her.

She almost waited.

He almost lived.

They almost made it.

Love & Chaos

[xxcalmlychaoticxx]

Most Days.

Most days its easy to pretend everything is okay. Most days isn’t as hard as others. Most days life can be easy. Then there are some days that it isn’t. Nothing feels okay. Nothing is okay. Even pretending it is doesn’t work. Its during this time that you just try to make it through the day. Even when it kills you inside. You smile and when someone asks “How are you?” You fake smile and lie and say “I’m fine.” Its the most basic lie we tell isn’t it? The most easiest one to tell. Because lets face it, even if everything isn’t fine the person asking doesn’t actually care. They just ask out of habit. That’s today’s society for you. We have to believe it gets better. We have to believe it won’t always be like this. We have to believe otherwise... What else is there to do? 

Love & Chaos

[xxcalmlychaoticxx]

Heartbreak.

The worst emotional pain is heartbreak. It is devastating to know that the one person you would give the entire universe to doesn’t love or want you back. Pascal once said “The heart has reasons that reason cannot know.” I recently lost the love of my life. Its devastating to know that they don’t want me back or even think of me. How does one go about fixing a heart that has shattered like glass? Do you just try and go about each day? Do you try not to think about them everyday? Do you hold out hope that it all gets better? That you won’t hurt forever? Then you hear stories about those people who lost the loves of their lives to someone else and they never recovered. They spent everyday for the rest of their lives still loving them. I have to hold out hope that they won’t be the first thing I think about in the morning or the last person I think about before I go to sleep. I have to believe it gets better. I have to. Otherwise...

Love & Chaos

[xxcalmlychaoticxx]

What do you think?

What do you think when you hear the world is ending? What/Who was the first thing that came to mind? Did you know for many people out there that is a very difficult question to answer? Its scary to face to unknown. But be honest how many times in our lives do we face the unknown? Many. We just don’t see it that way. So maybe its all about our point of view. Everyone has different answers and different points of view. Its so hard to hear the voice inside of you when it gets muffled by the opinions of others. We all have our own beliefs when it comes to the unknown. We face so many obstacles everyday and we do it. So many unknowns. Its okay to be afraid of the unknown. But face it like the amazing human you are. Shoulders back and head on. What do you think?

As always 

Be Kind.

Be Loving.

Be a Force of Freakin’ Nature!

Love & Chaos

[xxcalmlychaoticxx]

What is the Meaning of Life?

So lets talk about the most commonly asked question. What is the meaning of life? Is there a real point? Where do we go from here? Everyone has a different answer or a different philosophy. Some would say we are here for a purpose others would say that we are here because God put us here. While others would say there is no real purpose. 

I honestly think we are here to LIVE. But then that brings to question what is living? 

Is it having a good job or degree?

Is it having children?

Is it being kind?

Sometimes its best not to listen to what other people have to say about living and the meaning of life and just focus on what makes you happy. 

Sometimes its okay to trust the voice inside of you. So what I ask of you today is to say one positive thing about yourself and the ones you love. 

Its in the little moments we truly embrace who we are. 

So as always babes! Be kind! Be loving! Be a Force of Freakin’ Nature! 

xoxo

[xxcalmlychaoticxx]

What is fear?

Is it a figment of our imagination?! Is it something we are born with? Is it always with us? How do we escape that fear? Is there any way to escape it? Do you just have to face it head on and hope for the best? Everyone has something different to say about being afraid. Different advice from each individual. Most will say the best way to defeat them is to face them. What is something that terrifies you? Everyone has different fears and different layers of fears. Its not about facing them I don’t think. Its more about accepting that your’re a human being and we as human beings get scared and have certain fears. Whether they are conditioned or we are born with them who can honestly be sure? So if you have ever faced your fears head on, you are a ROCKSTAR!! It takes a lot of courage and strength to face them. So today I hope you take the time out of your day to smile at a stranger. Give yourself a compliment. Because those fears don’t make YOU. As always. 

Be kind.

Be loving.

Be a force of freakin’ nature!

[xxcalmlychaoticxx]

What if

Sometimes you get lost in memories and the what ifs. It sucks knowing you made such a gigantic mistake, that there is no possible way to fix it? Have you ever lost the love of your life? Have you ever sat in the shower and cried until you couldn’t breathe and the water was cold? Its during these times that you personally find it hard to pick myself up off the floor and go on with your day. You are not alone. We all make mistakes. We all dream of what could of been sometimes. Even though when we come back to reality it hurts. Do something that makes you happy. Go sit by a river. Take a hot bath. Smoke a joint. Drink some whiskey. Play some pool. Just breathe. We have to believe it gets better. We have to believe that tomorrow is a new day. But don’t be afraid to take a chance. Take it from someone who knows. The “What If’s” will absolutely kill you slowly. What if has the power to haunt you for the rest of your life. So tell someone what they truly mean to you. Be kind. Be loving. Be a force of freakin’ nature!

[xxcalmlychaoticxx]

The Injustice of it all.

I am so saddened by the way some of my fellow humans are reacting to a movement that has been happening for years now. How are some people just now opening their eyes to the injustice the black community has endured?! How?! Did they just not want to see it? Did they turn a blind eye? What makes them so different than the Whites, Chinese, Cuban, etc?! What makes you so afraid?! What have any of them ever done to you besides be different?! They bleed just like us. They have families and feelings just like us. They MATTER just like us. I am saddened by the way my fellow humans have reacted and responded to a movement that should of never had to happen in the first place. So on behalf of those individuals I wish to apologize. I want to apologize for an unjust system. I want to apologize for the way you’ve been treated just for being different. You are beautiful just the way you are. Being different is something that should be celebrated and appraised! I am with you in this fight. I will be marching along side of you. Fighting for wrongs to be righted and an actual change to happen. Because that change is happening today with us. So be kind, be loving and be a force of freakin’ nature! 

[xxcalmlychaoticxx]

That Voice in Your Head.

You know that voice in your head that pipes up when your feeling confident or happy. It always says the same thing doesn’t it? You’re just not good enough. You might be happy now but pain is coming. Most days we can shove those thoughts away without a second thought. But there are days where it is so difficult to do that. They just keep resurfacing. One terrible thought about yourself followed by another. Its on those days where self-love becomes the most difficult. I am here to tell you that voice in your head is wrong. It does get better. Happiness does exist even in the bleakest of times. So today I want you to say one thing you love about yourself out loud. It could be something as simple as I love the color of my eyes. But take a little time today to give yourself love too. 

[xxcalmlychaoticxx]

Have you ever?

Have you ever hit such a rough spot in life that you didn’t think there was ever going to be a way out?! I have. Its during these times in our lives we start to understand that life is difficult AF! When in the midst of those dark times it is so hard to see the light at the end. How can anything get better again? Will the pain ever stop? I think the hardest thing to bring yourself back from is suicide. Once you reach that dark place where you think no one will miss you if your gone or what is the real point of living, it is one of the hardest things to pull yourself from. So if you or anyone you know has done this today or any day of their life. You are so amazing and so strong and I am so proud of you for pulling yourself out of that darkness. Please tell those individuals they matter to you, tell them it does get better. That the voice that they hear telling them that they don’t matter will is WRONG! The light shines the most through the darkest times of our lives and every time we can’t see the light. So today smile at a stranger tell them its going to be okay. Because at the end of the day its all any of us really needs. So today be kind, be loving and be a force of freakin’ nature! 

[xxcalmlychaoticxx]

Life is meaningful.

Have you ever sat down and thought about what makes a person a person? Is it their eyes? Is it their soul? Is it the color of their skin? What if its none of these things??  We all have terrible moments in our lives that we automatically assume define who we are deep down. We all make mistakes we wish we could change. We have all said horrible words to others in an effort to make ourselves feel bigger and better. We are human and human beings make BIG mistakes sometimes. So take a deep breath and remember that even though you have made terrible choices and mistakes it DOES NOT make you a terrible person. It makes you just like every one of the other billion people in the world just trying to make their own way. Navigating life is difficult and it is one of the hardest things we will ever have to do. So remember to be kind. You never know what unimaginable pain they could be feeling about themselves deep down. So today give someone a compliment. Even if its something small. To them it could be HUGE. So maybe being a person is a whole bunch of things all thrown together to make each one of us UNIQUE and special. So smile. Be kind. Be loving. BE A FORCE OF NATURE. Go after what you believe in and know that making mistakes along the way is what makes you just like everyone else. Perfectly Imperfect.

[xxcalmlychaoticxx]

Life is hard.

Life is a difficult thing to ever deal with. Everyone has vices to get through the day. Whether it is Liquor, Weed, Sex, Meditation or Exercise. So many people in the world and everyone has a different way to cope with their daily lives. What makes a typical day so hard for each individual person? Did something just not go their way? Did they spill coffee on their shirt? Did a loved one pass away? Or did they just wake up in a bad mood? For every person out there is a different way to handle a situation. Everyone is different, yet everyone is the same. We all BLEED, we all HURT, we all FEEL. WE ARE HUMAN. 

So before you speak to someone tomorrow please remember we all have feelings. They could be having a terrible day. So smile at them and remember life is one of the hardest things we will ever have to do. Be kind. Be generous. Show love.