[xypt]

Logging back into this app since last May is... surely something. Time isn't real and I'm just as chronically depressed if not more as I was then. Now in many more ways too.

Maybe I need to start using this app again just to write out my thoughts.. I really don't try and think about anything really.. so it's why I don't. I know I'm falling back into bad habits and I think it's why I am slightly distancing myself because I'm just scared of disappointing the few people I do have around still. I honestly don't know how..

It's currently 1 am, I have work in 6 hours, which means I need to leave my house in 5 hours and it's apparently storming so bad that there's a flood watch.

Fun.

We'll see how much I can keep any form of consistency because I really am desperate. I just want to have something to grasp onto... but nothing ends up sticking for months... so many months now.

I want a hug and a normal sleep schedule.

[xypt]

I've been crying at this song all night.. and I have work in three hours. Sigh.

[becherdireinen]

I’ll forever be the person who says "It’s okay, I understand" even when my heart is literally shattering.

[anxietyproblem]

[kaoskuantico]

Literally me for the past 16 months

[pyreflydust]

Saying “I’m back on my bullshit” is funnier when you cycle through hyperfixations at random intervals because no one knows what bullshit you’re talking about unless you’ve made it obvious before or while saying it.

[pyreflydust]

To be back on your bullshit you need to be off your bullshit ever. But I’m over here jumping from bullshit to bullshit like I’m playing some kind of platforming game. The only times I’m not on my bullshit are when I’ve fallen off the platforms and can’t get out of the lava to get back on my bullshit.

[mediaraiz]

they would

[hs2001]

マンうさ

[tlirsgender]

Stress having physical effects is so stupid your body's just like "you've been having a real shit time and I'm about to make it worse" I hope you die I hope we both die

[xypt]

I remembered this site existed and my feed definitely needs more of my hyperfixations. I guess I can use this app again to scream into the void too.

The last time I used this app I was in a really bad mental state and honestly it's worse now, even if the beginning of the year made up for the miserable end of 2021.

I still am amazed it's May.. and I literally just.. don't know what purpose I have honestly.. I'm chronically ill and I just want to be somewhere else than where I am currently... more than I can put into words.

[weaksorry]

im rly just.. rly tired u know. just so tired

[skull-heads]

Who am i?

[forlorn-absentia-deactivated202]

[abcsofadhd]

Feeling empty or your feeling you mood darken? You might be very unstimulated.

I know its hard to find something that truly interests you; I’ve only found it recently (its this: my blogs and such), but keep trying different things. I know its hard but you won’t find it unless you keep looking.

- DEPRESSION: Is It ADHD, Depression, or Both?, ADDitude

[abcsofadhd]

Secondary depression is a depression in an individual who has one or more preexisting, nonaffective psychiatric disorders or an incapacitating or life-threatening medical illness which precedes and parallels the symptoms of depression. (link)

Secondary depression is essentially when you have depression secondary to another condition.. and in a lot of cases, the depression is “caused” by the disorder.

In the case of ADHD, its not uncommon for chronic under-stimulation to cause secondary depression.

[konoko]

[baph0meat]

im serious about that “stop saving things for special occasions” bit tho like. even if u aren’t in your 20s. thats for everyone. its one of the most useful things ive learned lately

stop! just stop. eat the special snack. drink the expensive hippie tea. use the incense or the bath bomb or whatever you paid way too much for because you were feeling really bad and retail therapy makes u feel alive

when we save things for special occasions/rainy days it contributes to us feeling like A.) our day to day existence is lackluster and B.) you have to be feeling a certain level of Bad, or have to reach a certain level of Socially Accepted Achievement, to enjoy things

just give yourself stuff. there are definitely sometimes reasons to withhold things from yourself - as motivation, if it’s something you consciously want to use sparingly, etc - but at least for me half the time it just turns into self-flagellation and also cool things and cool experiences and nice treats just collect dust while i wait for some fabled day when i convince myself i finally Deserve it

just fuckin give yourself stuff dude. life’s so mindblowingly short

[cricketcat9]

One more reason to use the “special stuff”: a lot of the special stuff does not last forever. The special cookies go stale, the special tea loses the special aroma, the special dress gets mysterious stains or mysteriously shrinks, special dishes somehow get chipped, special markers dry out. What a disappointment on the Special Day 😩

[beautifuldarkmind]

I’m jealous of those who can function like a normal human being. They don’t have anxiety holding them back from everything, they don’t struggle to get out of bed or have to put on an act that everything is fine when its not. They don’t struggle to hold friendships and relationships… they don’t feel sad for no fucking reason everyday. Those that can hold jobs and work towards their dreams, the ones who have self esteem and see the beauty in themselves. Those that know what its like to feel safe and secure, not insecure and fearful of it all. 

[guooey]

my LGBTQA+ friend group call that mixed fruit

[starfaegirl]

And my mentally ill friend group call that mixed nuts

[guooey]

being LGBTQA+ and a mentally ill friend group call that trail mix