mountain love

This blog is to help you feel good. It will feature a variety of self care tips, reminders of ways to be mindful and healthful, stories and other works that inspire, and pictures of the beauty we are surrounded by.

[lovelysuggestions]

don’t feel guilty for not being able to handle everything, for needing a break. you need to look after yourself, too. self care is not selfish.

[teaboot]

This may just be my experience as an autistic person, but the kids I’ve nannied whose parent’s complain of ‘bad awful in cooperative selfish autistic behavior’ are… Not like that? At all?

Like, for example, I cared for a kid for a while who was nonverbal and didn’t like being touched. Around six years old? Their parent said that they were fussy and had a strict schedule, and that they had problems getting them to eat. Their last few nannies had quit out of frustration.

So, I showed up. And for the first little while, it was awkward. The kid didn’t know me, I didn’t know them, you know how it is. And for the first… Day and a half, maybe? I fucked up a few times.

I changed their diaper and they screamed at me. I put the TV off and they threw things. Not fun, but regular upset kid stuff.

Next time, I figured, hell, I wouldn’t like being manhandled and ordered around either. Who likes being physically lifted out of whatever it is they’re doing and having their pants yanked off? Fucking few, that’s who.

Next time, I go, ‘hey, kiddo. You need a new diaper?’ and check. ‘I’m gonna go grab a new one and get you clean, okay?’ ‘Wanna find a spot to lay down?’ ‘Alright, almost done. Awesome job, thanks buddy’.

I learned stuff about them. They liked a heads up before I did anything disruptive. They didn’t mind that I rattled of about nothing all day. They didn’t like grass or plastic touching their back. They were okay with carpets and towels. They liked pictionary, and the color yellow, and fish crackers, and painting. They didn’t look me in the face (which was never an issue- I hate that too, it fucking sucks) but I never had reason to believe that they were ignoring me.

Once I learned what I was doing wrong, everything was fine. Did they magically “”“become normal”“” and start talking and laughing and hugging? No, but we had fun and had a good time and found a compromise between what I was comfortable with and what they were comfortable with. (For the record, I didn’t magically sailor-moon transform into a socially adept individual, either. In case anyone was wondering.)

I don’t like eye contact. It’s distracting and painful and stresses me out.

They didn’t like eye contact either.

Is eye contact necessary to communication? No. So we just didn’t do it.

Was there ever a situation where I HAD to force them to drop everything and lay down on the lawn? No. So the thirty second warning came into play, and nobody died.

“But they never talked!”

No, they didn’t. And they didn’t know ASL, and they didn’t like being touched.

So you know what happened?

My third day in, they tugged on my shirt. ‘Hey monkey, what’s up?’ I asked. And they tugged me towards the kitchen. ‘oh, cool. You hungry?’. They raised their hands in an ‘up’ gesture. ‘you want up? Cool.’ and I lifted them up. They pointed to the fridge. I opened it. They grabbed a juice box out of the top shelf, and pushed the door closed again. ‘oh sweet, grape is the best. You are an individual of refined taste.’ I put them down and they went back to their room to play Legos.

“But they didn’t say please or thank you!” “But you should be teaching them communication skills!” “But!” Lalalalala.

1. The entire interaction was entirely considerate and polite. I was never made uncomfortable. I was made aware of the problem so that I could help them solve it. There was no mess, no tears, no bruises, no shouting.

2. Did my brain collapse into a thousand million fragments of shattered diamond dust out of sheer incomprehension? No? Then their communication skills were fine. Goal realized, solution found, objective complete. They found the most simple and painless way to communicate the situation and then did it.

Kids are not stupid. AUTISTIC kids are not stupid.

I’m willing to bet real cash money that the real reason the last few nannies had quit had a million times more to do with their own ability to cope, not the kid’s.

To this day, that was the most relaxed and enjoyable job I’ve ever had.

And I know I don’t speak for everyone. All kids are different. All adults are different. But in my time and experience, pretty much 95% of all my difficulties with children come from ME not being understanding enough. Every single “problem child” I’ve worked with turned out to be a pretty cool person once I started figuring out how to put my ego aside and let them set the pace.

Again, not speaking universally, here. I’m just saying. Sometimes social rules are bullshit, you know? People are people

[13faeinapenguinsuit]

Have you ever read an article about the study that found that teaching the parents to cope with autistic kids yields better results than other therapies? Because this is exactly what they were talking about.

[penbrydd]

Your periodic reminder that in people who have been subject to threats and punishment for having emotional responses or ‘inappropriate’ facial expressions, panic attacks look different.

They may look like the person has become calmer and less involved, dismissive, even. Some people become intensely subservient and silent. Some become catatonic.

Panic doesn’t always involve screaming, crying, and obvious signs of distress. It involves an extreme form of the person’s fear response – which can be altered by circumstance, ability, and what they’ve learnt to fear.

Which is to say, it’s not your place to decide someone isn’t having a panic attack, when they’ve told you that’s what’s happening.

[mooniicorn]

“If autism isn’t caused by environmental factors and is natural why didn’t we ever see it in the past?”

We did, except it wasn’t called autism it was called “Little Jonathan is a r*tarded halfwit who bangs his head on things and can’t speak so we’re taking him into the middle of the cold dark forest and leaving him there to die.”

[iamthethunder]

Or “little Jonathan doesn’t talk but does a good job herding the sheep, contributes to the community in his own way, and is, all around, a decent guy.” That happened a lot, too, especially before the 19th century.

[rosslynpaladin]

Or, backing up FURTHER

and lots of people think this very likely,

“Oh little Sionnat has obviously been taken by the fairies and they’ve left us a Changeling Child who knows too much, and asks strange questions, and uses words she shouldn’t know, and watches everything with her big dark eyes, clearly a Fairy Child and not a Human Like Us.”

The Myth of the Changeling child, a human baby apparently replaced at a young age by a toddler who “suddenly” acts “strange and fey” is an almost textbook depiction of autistic children.

To this day, “autism warrior mommies” talk about autism “stealing” their “sweet normal child” and have this idea of “getting their real baby back” which (in the face of modern science)  indicates how the human psyche actually does deal with finding out their kid acts unlike what they expected.

Given this evidence, and how common we now know autism actually is, the Changeling myth is almost definitely the result of people’s confusion at the development of autistic children.

[vicecommanderhijikata]

Weirdly enough, that legend is now comforting to me.

[neddythestylish]

I think it’s worth noting that many like me, who are diagnosed with ASD now, would probably have been seen as just a bit odd in centuries past. I’m only a little bit autistic; I can pass for neurotypical for short periods if I work really hard at it. I have a lack of talent in social situations, and I’m prone to sensory overload or you might notice me stimming.

But here’s the thing: life is louder, brighter and more intense and confusing than it has ever been. I live on the edge of London and I rarely go into the centre of town because it’s too overwhelming. If I went back in time and lived on a farm somewhere, would anyone even notice there was anything odd about me? No police sirens, no crowded streets that go on for miles and miles, no flickery electric lights. Working on a farm has a clear routine. I’d be a badass at spinning cloth or churning butter because I find endless repetition soothing rather than boring.

I’m not trying to romanticise the past because I know it was hard, dirty work with a constant risk of premature death. I don’t actually want to be a 16th century farmer! What I’m saying is that disability exists in the context of the environment. Our environment isn’t making people autistic in the sense of some chemical causing brain damage. But we have created a modern environment which is hostile to autistic people in many ways, which effectively makes us more disabled. When you make people more disabled, you start to see more people struggling, failing at school because they’re overwhelmed, freaking out at the sound of electric hand dryers and so on. And suddenly it looks like there’s millions more autistic people than existed before.

[grace-and-ace]

“…disability exists in the context of the environment.”

[coldalbion]

Reblog for disability commentary.

[oockitty]

That last paragraph is absolutely important.

[positive-mh-recovery]

[meangirlnurse]

i think sometimes trauma survivors fall into this place where it’s very hard to believe that anything that happened to you was that bad. and the only proof you have that it was that bad is that you’re suffering. and so healing can be really scary and difficult because it means giving up the only tangible evidence you have that you were traumatized in the first place 

[positivelypresent]

[yallasolta]

Something to try when there is nothing to try (grounding yourself)

Find five things you can see, pointedly look at them, name them, or describe them. 

Four things you can touch. Touch each one individually. 

Three things you can hear. What are they? 

Two things you can smell. Helpful hint, your own body is usually a starting point. 

One thing you can taste. Don’t get too creative ;)

[yallasolta]

To keep in a box next to your bed:

Deodorant Face wipes Clean underwear Water Almonds Crackers A hairbrush

Just please use these as often as you can. Even if you can’t get up, take care of yourself.

[yallasolta]

Sometimes even standing at the sink long enough to brush your teeth is just not doable. Keep some of these next to your bed- they don’t require water or anything else and they can provide important hygiene all while you’re still laying down.

[yallasolta]

[yallasolta]

Something's gotta give.

Listen,

Something’s gotta give. Mental health, physical health, school, work, family, relationships, keeping house, paying bills, caring for pets; all of that is a lot.

You do have a capacity. If you overload yourself something will give. Maybe your A’s will drop to B’s or you’ll have to have a talk with your boss about sick days or you’ll catch a whole heck of a lot of colds. SOMETHING WILL GIVE.

Try to control which thing that is. Try to ease up on yourself before something big gives in a big way without you expecting it.

Take care.

[yallasolta]

Having trouble staying tidy?

It’s often difficult to keep a clean house when dealing with mental illness, stress, or a busy lifestyle. Here’s some tips:

1. It isn’t uncommon to bring snack foods into your room or to the couch in times of stress. Maybe you have been stopping at Wendy’s on the way home all of finals week, and the bags with wrappers are starting to build up. Are there empty soda cans hiding around? Getting all of the trash put into a trash bag to take outside when you feel up to it is a great way to clear some clutter and may even freshen up the air! 

2. Are there any items that all go in the same place, but are scattered about? (For example, several pairs of shoes throughout your room/home that all belong in the same basket) Sweep through your space and collect them all, then deposit them all in their home. Do this with coats, shoes, makeup, purses, or anything else you notice a pattern with!

3. Are there clothes laying on your furniture or floor that you only wore for a few hours before returning to your bed? Separate these onto a shelf you can keep empty or a different laundry basket than the clothes that definitely need to be washed before being worn again. This will make the space a little more neat while also making laundry seem more manageable. 

4. Gather all of the dishes you have in your space- sometimes you really have to hunt for these! Pick up cups of water that have been sitting around for days, the bowl from the cereal you had at 10pm, and the coffee cups with a little bit left in them from this past week and get them to the sink. If you feel up to it, you can rinse them off so the sink won’t smell too bad or even toss them in the dishwasher if you have one. 

That’s it! Those four things. Heck, even just do one! A clean environment can have a big impact on the way you feel, and getting yourself up even if it’s JUST to put away shoes might inspire a little more activation. 

[positivedoodles]

[drawing of a blue bird wearing a blue scarf saying “It’s okay to go to therapy.” in light blue text on a blue speech bubble.]

[earth]

[lipatti]

am i the only person not affected by generalized positivity… like post it notes in bathrooms that say ‘you’re beautiful’ or posts that are like ‘smile! you are a beautiful sunshine flower!’ i’m just like … okay…

[audible-smiles]

I just heard a psychologist (Guy Winch) say that the people that positive affirmations help most are actually the people who have high or at least normal self-esteem. They really do cheer those people up!

But for the rest of us they run so counter to our general worldview (we’re fundamentally bad and deserve nothing) that our brain rejects them immediately as lies and uses that moment to remind us of how terrible and abnormal we actually are.

What usually works for people with low self-esteem is stuff like writing out a list of very specific things we know we’re good at, and revisiting it every day to write a paragraph elaborating on one of those things (i.e. “I’m a compassionate person and here are five examples”) to try to set our brain on a different track long term.

[princess-tia-beanie-deactivated]

That makes so much sense.

[cultural-hoxhaist-deactivated20]

the psychology behind the “ok that sounds fake but ok” meme 

[kaiju-lightning]

Holy crap

[serenityquest]