Zoro didn’t know why he was so angry.
He thought it might be the smug way that Akira looked at him.
As if he sensed the worry and unease that’d been eating at the swordsman from the night before.
He leaped across the table, Yubashiri and and Kitetsu lll drawn, He felt his foot land on sturdy wood, before springing off, barreling into the pale teen and stabbing his blades on either side of the shapeshifter’s head. Kitetsu hissed as it missed its target, still singing impatiently to taste the blood it sensed was near and for once Zoro was tempted to indulge his problem child of a cursed blade.
Distantly, he heard Nami scream and Sanji move towards them, followed closely by the bartender who radiated anger, before being commanded by Luffy to stand down and let them figure this out by themselves.
It meant there’d be no collateral damage.
“Struck a nerve there, did I?” Akira smirked, gazing up at the swords in blatant appreciation, completely unconcerned for his safety. “Truth hurts.”
“Don’t pretend you know me.” Zoro hissed, words almost lost in the threatening rumble of his throat. “You don’t know anything about me.”
Hands fisted his shirt, dragging the swordsman down until the two were nose to nose, close enough to share a breath, even a kiss if they so wished.
“That’s the thing, dumbass.” The shapeshifter snapped, blue and green gaze piercing him with unfettered understanding that shook the swordsman to his core. “I don’t have to know you to know what a love-struck pining idiot you are.”
The words were accompanied by a harsh shake and Zoro let his body be dragged, too out of it to respond.
He knew the crew were aware of his feelings, having spoken to each of them about it at least once.
Robin had been the first to know, his first for a lot of things. She was his first infatuation and first heartbreak. His first love, but his second loss. She was the first to hold his hand and not insult him when he asked how to find a book in the library because the building kept moving around. She was the first to laugh at his tense jokes and know what he was thinking to the point that it was uncomfortable.
But Sanji was the first person that Zoro thought he’d want to spend the rest of his life with.
And the fact that someone knew that. Someone who was a stranger. Someone who’d he’d contemplated fighting on two occasions. The fact that someone could tell how he felt with seemingly a glance–
It was really fucking scary.
Training shirtless on winter islands couldn’t compete with just how cold he was.
“Leave.” Luffy ordered and knowing the words weren’t directed at him, the swordsman kept his gaze low, letting the shame rise and wash over him, melting the ice that froze his bones and locked him in place.
He was better than this. So much fucking better.
To let such…trivial sentiments get in the way. Even if they weren’t trivial. Not at all.
“Fine.” Zoro sneered at Akira after the crew had dispersed, feeling the tight hold on his emotions beginning to slip with a vehemence, passion and insecurities pouring out of him, equivalent to only two other times. Two miserable days. “Fucking fine. You got me. I want it. I want it bad. Bad enough that I’d kill for it. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
He expected a smug smile or snarky response but was surprised to see the worry, fear and anger in Akira’s expression.
“Listen to me.” The devil fruit user said, tone dark. “You can’t, no matter what. You said it yourself, once you’re in there, there’s no coming back.”
“Yeah, but it’s different for people like us, isn’t it? We can come back ourselves. I’m strong, I can handle it.” His voice was bordering on desperate and it sickened him how much he wanted it, How much he was craving that bright smile and long legs and civil conversations without bite to them.
He’d stared at the chef all morning, noticing the dark bags under those cerulean eyes and deft, but slow movements. He wanted to ask, “are you okay?” “what’s wrong?” but didn’t know how. Not in a way that wouldn’t make it sound like he was making a taunt.
So he’d stared and and watched and got kicked out of the kitchen for his efforts, feeling even worse than before.
He was an idiot for thinking he had a chance.
Sanji was only receptive because it was a weird day, and it took an emotional toll on them most. It made Zoro’s tongue loose and let him say the things he normally kept inside. He even used the witch as inspiration and tried that half-assed shit called flirting. And it seemed like it worked. It seemed like it meant something.
The cook even promised him a meal.
But that’s what Sanji did. He made food for everyone, he made people happy and overworked his skinny ass to the brink. Feeding the swordsman was a part of that.
Zoro was just something for Sanji to pass the time until their next port. The shitty cook probably thought Zoro was joking or pulling elaborate prank and going with it.
But if that was the case then why did the blonde always look so sad?
The shapeshifter spoke, dragging him out of his thoughts.
“Just because we can come back, doesn’t mean we should go in. Trust me, once you go, you won’t want to return.” Akira whispered, looking into him with deep eyes that felt like they were gouging out his soul. “If you go. You’ll die. And your nakama need you here.”
“But–” death was worth it. Throwing it all away was fine. Was it really? Was it worth giving up his dreams for? Losing his nakama forever? Was it worth losing his sense of self?
Yes. His mind whispered traitorously, seductively, in a voice that sounded too much like the shitty cook’s, tone one the blonde would never use with him.
He shook, hands sliding off the hilt of his katana to rest uselessly by his sides, wood rough beneath it.
Zoro felt his head being pulled down and made a noise of surprise when he found his nose shoved in bundled fabric, long black hair stroking his face.
“I don’t know you.” The captain said. “So you can cry if you want. It’s not like anyone would believe it if I told them.”
It was like a damn burst and his body wracked with a choked sob. The tears came, hot, heavy, an unhinged faucet and it refused to stop. Low noises fell from his mouth and it took a moment for the brain to connect the shattered sounds. When he realized what he was saying, it only made him cry more.
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