You’ll Be Ok Eventually

Hi there, this is a vent account. I made this to be a safe place for myself but I want you all to be safe too. So if you’re not in a good place either then it might be best to stay clear of this blog, scroll past, block me, whatever you need. Any pronouns and you can call me Yams

[yamvents]

Trying to figure out what does and does not count as a suicide attempt is hard

[crystal072619]

Had to share

[yamvents]

I hate that I ruined what could have been a good friendship with someone I admired just by not joining a watch party thingy because those make me nervous and I haven't been talking alot because I haven't been well. Idk, online friendship is hard and I don't like messaging people when I'm drinking which is becoming a lot unfortunately. Sorry to anyone seeing this who doesn't want to, idk I just I want some to talk to who might understand and not judge me for my problems and bad habits and not make me feel horrible for needing help. I need help and I don't want it I don't deserve it I am so sorry I am so so drunk. It's not fair to ask anyone to deal with me or take care of me when I'm like this but God I. Wish they would

[eliluminado7]

[eliluminado7]

[veryluckyclovers]

[yamvents]

I'm too fat. I'm way too fat.

[yamvents]

I've started drinking recently. Not a lot but I probably shouldn't be thinking about it as much as I do, I can't even buy it myself for a few months. Gotta make this bottle last if I can. I might be a little drunk, I don't know it's hard to tell but I feel more grounded than I have for a while. I forgot what I was originally going to write about. I know I shouldn't but I'm on multiple meds that you're not supposed to drink on, so I've just stopped taking them. I could be doing worse I suppose. I don't wanna get fat, that's something that happens to drunks right? I mean they call it beer belly so I assume up to an extent?? That's dumb, I know that's dumb. I'm really tired. Good night I guess??

[yamvents]

Its such a weird feeling

To be envious of children I'll never met

For getting a version of my mother

Kind and digestible

For getting a version of my mother

Free from the rage free from the violence

A version of my mother, a preschool teacher

Who can give the children of strangers a stability I never got to see

A version of my mother, a preschool teacher

Who they don't have to be scared of dodging, beginning, crying for mercy for the simple mistakes that all children will make

For getting a version of my mother who'll never rip them by the hair

Forcing eye contact

And scream in their face as they cry and cry and cry

And she spits venom

And she sinks her fangs into you

Till the shame of reaction entires your blood stream and will never never leave you again

It's such a strange feeling

To be envious of children I'll never met

For getting a version of my mother, A Preschool Teacher

-Yamvents

[yamvents]

Sometimes I wish I didn't block his account, that I'd still be able to open up my inbox and see his messages

Sometimes I still want to read every cruel word, every horrid insult, every misuse of my past against me

Even if he's just telling me to kill myself again

Why do I miss you?

[becherdireinen]

How do you tell someone "I’m not ignoring you, I’m just disconnected from reality right now and the days are all blurred together and I feel completely apathetic towards everyone/everything around me so it's really hard for me to maintain a conversation" without saying that?

[aropride]

when i was 17 and in the eating disorder trenches i saw people online talking abt how the fat liberation movement & unlearning fatphobia helped them recover and i did NOT like hearing that i was SO mad about it i was like well having an eating disorder doesnt mean im fatphobic!!! This is ableist etc etc. And then i learned abt the fat liberation movement and started unlearning fatphobia and guess what . it does help

[aropride]

it’s a lot less tempting to try to lose weight by harming urself if u stop seeing being skinny as being important or innately desirable . likewise you stop caring as much abt gaining weight if u stop seeing weight gain as an inherently morally wrong thing that makes you ugly and lazy. And like even if youve never in your life externalized that to another person and you dont consciously agree with it. Still worth thinking abt imo

[aropride]

inb4 "are u saying eating disorders make u inherently fatphobic" im saying we exist in the context of all in which we live and what came before us. which includes how fatphobia is so deeply normalized in society. and that societal cruelty towards people who arent stick thin (for women & those seen as women, mostly) or muscular (for men & those seen as men, mostly) is bound to affect anyone and everyone. and that for Me Personally it helped to see fat people who were happy and proud in their bodies and realizing it didn't have to be the end of the world

[happyherringbonkpickle]

[yeehawpim]

keep going

[artbylittlebug]

[kosmogrl]

[scrappernapper]

When I'm liking your vent post just know that I'm kneeling with my sword to offer you support.

[sk-el-et-on]

Reblog if:

- You support recovery.

- You support those in recovery.

- You support seeking help.

- You want  people to seek help.

- You think everyone is beautiful, regardless of their weight.

- Even if you yourself, aren’t seeking help or are in recovery, want others too.