vent page (tw)

i love him 💞

[yanderec0r3]

okay so life update i got diagnosed with BPD 💀

[yanderec0r3]

i just want attention why won't you give me attention cant you see im starving i need you please

[yanderec0r3]

just wrote a letter to him while cutting myself so i could anoint it with my blood ❤️

[yanderec0r3]

it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts i̷̩̳̙͒͂̾͊̚ţ̷̡̲̯̻͕̃̈͂͘͘̕ ̶̖̤̝̮̳͍̦̝̖̹̱̥͛̓̎̌̃͌̎̾h̶͙͌̂̿̊ư̶̺̜̲̲̬͈̱͎̯̱̳̟̲̫r̵̮̬̗̗̜̟̩̩͕̣̃́̏̃̾̓̚t̶̡̢̧̡̤͚̯̝͒͝ś̴̢̧̢͇̭̻̞̓̊́͛͆̓̉̎͘͝ ̵̨̛̗̲̫͈͓̱͈̦̞̝̙̎̃̌́̐̑̒̓̕͜i̵̢̛̻̙̍̍̇̿̓͛̍̈́͝t̸̨̢̟̭̦͙͍̦͍̘̤͕̿̏̄͆͋͑̔͝ ̴̛̙̝͚̜͉̔͗͋̃͜ȟ̷̡̧͚̥̦̑͐͂͊̈́͑̈́̀͌̀̕ư̴̙̲̦͉̟̬̰̣͖͓̐̇̈̑͂̍͆̌̑̎͑͝r̵̢̧̝̘̩͚̤̠̝̮̮̜͙̋̅̇̄͐̂͠ͅt̶̢̨̩̝̣̬͔̟̯̳̖͍̋̊̎̈́̀͊̌͛̃͝s̴̠̠͖̰̙̣̥̘̗̻̲̯̎̋͋ͅ ̷̺̝͚̜̊̅͊͛̎̽̐̌i̸̝͛t̴̻̾̾̽́̋̇͗̓̌̑͘̕͠ ̴̢̢̰͖̮̩̝͓̜̰̺̬͗̀́̃̎͑̔͜͜ͅḩ̶̝̫͎̤͕̪̱̓̊̿͂̀̿͒̓̓̿̀̂̋͘ȗ̵͖̖͖̱̔͊͝ṙ̴̖̺̺̥̪̈́͑̏ț̷̻̑͊͋͆̄͆̅͐̃̐͂s̶̨̛̙̫͕̪͈̘͉͕͖̋͌̂͆͝ ̴̢̮̀̐̍̌̇͑̓̾i̵̢̳̼̠͍̥̩̫͓̟̞̇̎̈́̽͑́̈́̍̌̒̅͊͜͝͝t̸̻̺̳̼̟̳͖̫͉͓͚̾͌̎́̌̃̈̍͝͝ ̷̡̫́͒́͐͘ĥ̸̞͎͈̺͍̼̤͚͂̋̆̀̏̎̊̊̓̕͝u̴̗͎͎͓͉̳̤̮͕̮͐̐̑͆̂́̈́̑̈͘ȑ̴̯͈̈͐̄̾̈̇̊t̴̢̡̧̩̤͎͍̘̘̝̯̖͖̼̥͛̌̏͐̆s̵̭̩̬͔̼̥͎̫͖̠̻̲̬͒̆̏̓ ̸̯̟͉̞̗̻͈̱͇̫̻̔̈́̌̽̌͐̈́̚̚͝i̵̧̮̪̩̋͒̆͂͐̈́̀͒̊̋̆̔̄̈́͛t̸̡͓̲̪̯͌̓̐̂̽͛͋͂͂̈͑͛̕ͅ ̸̨̧̨̭̳͈͉̣͖͐͐̊̋̌̃̀͠ḣ̶̨̯̯͕̭̫͎̠̘̲̊̿̇͋͑̅̑́͒̒̈́͊̔ͅu̶̝͇͍̬̾̈́̉͐̽͌̾̚͝͝r̴̢̢̥̗̲̣̓̅̏ṫ̶̻͔̙̯̯̪̬̜̊́̄̈̈́̀̉̍͋͝͝s̶̅̊ͅ ̴͎̪̟̟̬̰͎̙̇̅̀͗͛͠ỉ̷̧͎͔͙̬̳̼̠̏̽̈́̈́̓͆̔͆̋͑̀̑͜͜ẗ̴̛̪̠͖̗͖͔̠̖̞̗̲̥̯͊̔̾͆̚̕͜ ̶͇͍͙̟̼̭̣̗̤͛̋͗̅͋̈́̎̓̓̚͠h̴̛̺͉͙̀͐̂̓͒̄͠͠͠ú̵̧̞̫̥͚͍̼͕͇̑͐̊ͅr̸͕̮͇̐̄͌̊͗͊̏͝t̶̢͔̱̘̩̦̩͍̪͈̗̘̮́̽̐s̶̙̝̥͕̖̱̺̣̺̫̠̥͖̀͗͂̏̓̾̑͋̕͜͝ ̵̯̬̗̱̱̑̐̾͂͜i̵̡̼̖̝͔͙̭̪̊̿̔̾̍̔̀ͅt̷̢͉͇͇̦̖͍͖͌̾͂͌͗̉ͅ ̴̝͇͇͔̬͐h̸̺̳̠͌ű̷̧̧̦̦͎̭͕͓̯̱̠̗̬̲͝r̶̬̗̠̗̟̞̯̅̒͒̎̐ẗ̶̢̪͖̩̥͖̥͈̱̺̭͇̥́̏̄͗̓̾͌̾͗̏̃͒̈́̕͘s̴̟̘͕͔̣̘̻͚̺͚̤̈́͗̽̊̅̏̔̂̏̉̚ ̷̢̰͉̼̠̞͈̈͑̈́̃́͆̔̄̐̋̈́́̏ͅí̵̢̧̖̲͔̪̝̖̘͍͔̫͖̾͗́̋͂̈̓͑͌́̈͠ţ̵̨̡͉̱̘̽̓͂͌͌̃͝ ̶̮̩̅͆̂͊̽͜͝ȟ̷̢̰͙͙͕̣̺̦̘̭͍͔̰̽̔́ͅū̵͐̾̀͘ͅŗ̶̩̲̣̺̰̿̈́t̴̫̩̻̝̺̪̯͊̀̔̎̍̈̎̽̈́̏̄͛s̶̼̺̫̤̦͎̯̒͛̀̍̑̇͗͆͒̽͠ ̷̧̧̪͈̝̺͇̭̟̬̙͕̣̐̀̈̈́̉̐i̶͙̮̱̣̺̳͖͍͕͚̞͙̙̽͊͂ť̴̯̳̤̞͖͉̪̰̪͖̗̗͑͜ͅ ̸̨̡̢̹͚̮͔̥̲̙̺̮̟̰̌̃̂̽̚ḣ̸̰̬̻͔͙̮̫͙͉̬̤̘̾̀̍̇̾͜ͅu̸̬̝͔̤̘̥̰͖̣͆̈́̐͑͂̒͌̀͝͝ȑ̴̙̙̻͕̪͖̺̹̗̝́͛͝ţ̴̡̺̩̞̲̝̙̭͕͇̲͓̐͊̓͛̎̋͐͌̌͛̃͗̍̚͠s̶̡̲̰̟͋̌̽̐͐̚͜ ̴̧̯̥̽̓̇͛̀̃͂̎͛̄͘͠͝ï̶̧̨͕̗̯̲̼̲̬͎̫̪̹͚̱̍̈́̏́̍̇͋̽͌́͝͠t̴͉̙̪͍͘ ̸̬̦͓̫̹͚͆̍͠ḩ̷̫̟̰̘̖̮͍̹̱̒͛́̽̊́͐̎̌͗̂̆͝͠ͅù̸͉̹̭̻͔̹̲̙̆̓̈̌̋͆̐̄r̶̺̲̜͇̝̯̣͇̪̼̟̣̳̩͓̂t̵̨̨̼̺͉̜͎̙̜͐͑̐̐̆̀̇͠ś̵̨̨̱̭̰̫͍̮̫͕̥̤̟̱͌ ̵̢͙̗̬͈͇̟͔̱̱̝̖̣̦̑̊̅͜͝i̸̛̗͕͗͂̽̽̄̿͒̚͝͝t̴͉̻̥̭̙̭͎̠̰̘̂͛̈́͌͂̂͐̋̓̾͜͠ ̸̡̨̢̡̧͓̻͈̫̜̪̗͘h̵̢̨̡̺͍͇͚̺̓̈̑͗͋̿͐͠ų̷̨̛̠̣̰̜̬̟̜̩͎̺̼͓̼̇̓͛̚͠͠r̶̛̯̘̬͎͓͚̥̥͛̀̊̐̅͊̀̿͠ṯ̸̈́͑̚s̶͚̗͐̑́̌̂̍̆́͌̈́͐̈́͝ ̴̡̧̨̛̥̪̲̙̖̙̦̰̲͛̀̂͌̍̿̚i̸̧̧̢̡̮̫̯̬̊͒͒͑͜t̶̫̟̹͇͎͚̻͍̂̃͛ͅ ̷̧̧̟̖̗͔̻̖̖̦̓̈́̑͒̓̉̓͑̕͘̕̕͝͝ͅĥ̷̢̲̼̭͕͉͇͍͇͖͖̈́̓͊͐̋̈́̾̊̕u̷̡̪͙̭̱̻̯̳̎̊ṛ̵͎̖̦͎̤̀̋̓̀͛t̷̡̖͙͈̪͍̩̖͇͇̰̘̎͌̽͒̕͠s̷̠̥͖͇̞͙̤̱͉̭͎͎͆̓̆̉͋̂͆͑͌͊͜͠ ̵̧̛̖̱̉̐̏̉́̀͘͠͠͠ḯ̸̡̡̙͖̰̺̝̻͖̱̭̙͖͗̃͆̒̉͋̅͑͂̕͝͝t̵̨͙̯͙̙̒̔̍̓̅̅̄̄̽̃̚͝ͅ ̵̨͍̫̳̘͓̲͈̮̳͎̮̳̦̍͐̋͛͌̀̋̚͝͠ḩ̸̮̙̜̣͙̱̘̖͎͚̊̈̋̒̓̿̈́͋̇̄͒͝͝͝ų̸̖̦̩̲̻̝̖̝͚̩͋ŗ̶̭̩̻̺͉͌͐͋̽̐̀̃́͛͠͠ͅt̴̗͔̺͎̪͎̋̈́̔͑̃̔̕s̴͖͕̣̩͍̠̼̪̞͕̝͔͌̃́ ̶̰̖̥̘̳̻̺͙͂̂͐̉͐̈́̑̾́͝͝í̵̡̗̻͈͇͓͙͕͈ţ̷̛͈̰͎͕̙̭̱͍̜̑̾̈́͘ͅ ̸̡̧̲̮͇̲̙̫̖̫͎̈́h̸̡̡͓̝̫̘͓͉͖̞̠́̆̒͜ǘ̴̻̬͙̾͌̓͆̃̉̕r̵͖̪͌͆̊͆̍̾̒̏̽ͅț̷̢̡̛̀̃̊͑͊͛̚͘͠͝ş̴̱̪̗̳̺͕̩̘͂͆̓͂͘ ̷̪̒͂͗́̋̂̍̊i̵̛̥̗̲͉͖͑̓͐ͅṫ̷̢͖̞͕͍̗̖̱̘̯̞̑͜ͅ ̸̢̛̪̭͕̗̤̥͈̬̖̗̥̣̱͛͜h̸̢̛͓͓̰̻̮̰͍̃͗̋́̈̏͐̊̂̆̿͠͝u̵̩̤̰̦̮̯͓͒̾̒̎̄̔̉͒͊̆̅͘̕ṙ̵̢̘̟̤̘̺̦̼͎̤̰̣́̄̏́̃́͆̋̍͂̃̕ͅͅt̴̢̤̬̘̜͔̻̦̲̘͍͆̓̂͜s̴̲̯̯͇̦̻̐͐̇̈́̅̋͐̏̊̍̑̚ ̷̧̨̩͙͇̼̫̗̦͍̮̣͍̣̯͗į̷̧̳̥̤̞͎͇̫̫͙̻̤̙̑͊̎̿̇t̴̢̻̮̻̳̭̮̳̾͒̐̓̇ ̶̡̯͉͍͚̭͔̘̩͝ͅḩ̵̦̲͎̬͙͍̣͇̘̤̗̣̠̭̒̐͠u̵̯̣͖͈̝̗̠̥͋̾̾̒̍̇͋̍̃̾͑͠r̸̨̨͚̭̲͍̮̟̳̣̗̯̞̞̱̆̍̍͋̑t̵̢͙̆͑̌͊̐̒ś̸̢̢͓̰̲̮̥̒̿͒̽̾̀͗̽̅ i̷̩̳̙͒͂̾͊̚ţ̷̡̲̯̻͕̃̈͂͘͘̕ ̶̖̤̝̮̳͍̦̝̖̹̱̥͛̓̎̌̃͌̎̾h̶͙͌̂̿̊ư̶̺̜̲̲̬͈̱͎̯̱̳̟̲̫r̵̮̬̗̗̜̟̩̩͕̣̃́̏̃̾̓̚t̶̡̢̧̡̤͚̯̝͒͝ś̴̢̧̢͇̭̻̞̓̊́͛͆̓̉̎͘͝ ̵̨̛̗̲̫͈͓̱͈̦̞̝̙̎̃̌́̐̑̒̓̕͜i̵̢̛̻̙̍̍̇̿̓͛̍̈́͝t̸̨̢̟̭̦͙͍̦͍̘̤͕̿̏̄͆͋͑̔͝ ̴̛̙̝͚̜͉̔͗͋̃͜ȟ̷̡̧͚̥̦̑͐͂͊̈́͑̈́̀͌̀̕ư̴̙̲̦͉̟̬̰̣͖͓̐̇̈̑͂̍͆̌̑̎͑͝r̵̢̧̝̘̩͚̤̠̝̮̮̜͙̋̅̇̄͐̂͠ͅt̶̢̨̩̝̣̬͔̟̯̳̖͍̋̊̎̈́̀͊̌͛̃͝s̴̠̠͖̰̙̣̥̘̗̻̲̯̎̋͋ͅ ̷̺̝͚̜̊̅͊͛̎̽̐̌i̸̝͛t̴̻̾̾̽́̋̇͗̓̌̑͘̕͠ ̴̢̢̰͖̮̩̝͓̜̰̺̬͗̀́̃̎͑̔͜͜ͅḩ̶̝̫͎̤͕̪̱̓̊̿͂̀̿͒̓̓̿̀̂̋͘ȗ̵͖̖͖̱̔͊͝ṙ̴̖̺̺̥̪̈́͑̏ț̷̻̑͊͋͆̄͆̅͐̃̐͂s̶̨̛̙̫͕̪͈̘͉͕͖̋͌̂͆͝ ̴̢̮̀̐̍̌̇͑̓̾i̵̢̳̼̠͍̥̩̫͓̟̞̇̎̈́̽͑́̈́̍̌̒̅͊͜͝͝t̸̻̺̳̼̟̳͖̫͉͓͚̾͌̎́̌̃̈̍͝͝ ̷̡̫́͒́͐͘ĥ̸̞͎͈̺͍̼̤͚͂̋̆̀̏̎̊̊̓̕͝u̴̗͎͎͓͉̳̤̮͕̮͐̐̑͆̂́̈́̑̈͘ȑ̴̯͈̈͐̄̾̈̇̊t̴̢̡̧̩̤͎͍̘̘̝̯̖͖̼̥͛̌̏͐̆s̵̭̩̬͔̼̥͎̫͖̠̻̲̬͒̆̏̓ ̸̯̟͉̞̗̻͈̱͇̫̻̔̈́̌̽̌͐̈́̚̚͝i̵̧̮̪̩̋͒̆͂͐̈́̀͒̊̋̆̔̄̈́͛t̸̡͓̲̪̯͌̓̐̂̽͛͋͂͂̈͑͛̕ͅ ̸̨̧̨̭̳͈͉̣͖͐͐̊̋̌̃̀͠ḣ̶̨̯̯͕̭̫͎̠̘̲̊̿̇͋͑̅̑́͒̒̈́͊̔ͅu̶̝͇͍̬̾̈́̉͐̽͌̾̚͝͝r̴̢̢̥̗̲̣̓̅̏ṫ̶̻͔̙̯̯̪̬̜̊́̄̈̈́̀̉̍͋͝͝s̶̅̊ͅ ̴͎̪̟̟̬̰͎̙̇̅̀͗͛͠ỉ̷̧͎͔͙̬̳̼̠̏̽̈́̈́̓͆̔͆̋͑̀̑͜͜ẗ̴̛̪̠͖̗͖͔̠̖̞̗̲̥̯͊̔̾͆̚̕͜ ̶͇͍͙̟̼̭̣̗̤͛̋͗̅͋̈́̎̓̓̚͠h̴̛̺͉͙̀͐̂̓͒̄͠͠͠ú̵̧̞̫̥͚͍̼͕͇̑͐̊ͅr̸͕̮͇̐̄͌̊͗͊̏͝t̶̢͔̱̘̩̦̩͍̪͈̗̘̮́̽̐s̶̙̝̥͕̖̱̺̣̺̫̠̥͖̀͗͂̏̓̾̑͋̕͜͝ ̵̯̬̗̱̱̑̐̾͂͜i̵̡̼̖̝͔͙̭̪̊̿̔̾̍̔̀ͅt̷̢͉͇͇̦̖͍͖͌̾͂͌͗̉ͅ ̴̝͇͇͔̬͐h̸̺̳̠͌ű̷̧̧̦̦͎̭͕͓̯̱̠̗̬̲͝r̶̬̗̠̗̟̞̯̅̒͒̎̐ẗ̶̢̪͖̩̥͖̥͈̱̺̭͇̥́̏̄͗̓̾͌̾͗̏̃͒̈́̕͘s̴̟̘͕͔̣̘̻͚̺͚̤̈́͗̽̊̅̏̔̂̏̉̚ ̷̢̰͉̼̠̞͈̈͑̈́̃́͆̔̄̐̋̈́́̏ͅí̵̢̧̖̲͔̪̝̖̘͍͔̫͖̾͗́̋͂̈̓͑͌́̈͠ţ̵̨̡͉̱̘̽̓͂͌͌̃͝ ̶̮̩̅͆̂͊̽͜͝ȟ̷̢̰͙͙͕̣̺̦̘̭͍͔̰̽̔́ͅū̵͐̾̀͘ͅŗ̶̩̲̣̺̰̿̈́t̴̫̩̻̝̺̪̯͊̀̔̎̍̈̎̽̈́̏̄͛s̶̼̺̫̤̦͎̯̒͛̀̍̑̇͗͆͒̽͠ ̷̧̧̪͈̝̺͇̭̟̬̙͕̣̐̀̈̈́̉̐i̶͙̮̱̣̺̳͖͍͕͚̞͙̙̽͊͂ť̴̯̳̤̞͖͉̪̰̪͖̗̗͑͜ͅ ̸̨̡̢̹͚̮͔̥̲̙̺̮̟̰̌̃̂̽̚ḣ̸̰̬̻͔͙̮̫͙͉̬̤̘̾̀̍̇̾͜ͅu̸͆̈́̐͑͂͝͝

[yanderec0r3]

i think something is wrong with me.

i don’t remember when this limerence bloomed, perhaps when i first met you

i try so hard to catch your careless gaze, but you deny my veiled affection

i speak and you acknowledge me, but your eyes lay somewhere else, your thoughts drifting to more important matters

i wonder if she has stole your attention from me, despite her unworthiness

i’ve seen her exchange words with you, she prances into our class like an excited puppy to greet you

i know it’s futile, but the thought of you loving her plagues my mind, a heart-wrenching stain

i suffer from these deplorable delusions so sickeningly often it has begun to haunt my dreams

i wake up in a cold sweat, tears flooding the corners of my sleep fogged eyes

i begin to wonder tirelessly if these dreams will become a reality, a manifestation of my worst nightmare come to life

i shudder, holding back sobs that shake my body, my imperfect, disgusting, unworthy body

i cling onto a sliver of hope, a hope that i can prevent my nightmare from haunting my reality

i try to nurture my rationality, but the mere thought of you holding her shocks my body with raw emotion

i have never felt such pure, unadulterated rage before. her mere existence is the genesis of my insanity

i cant stop the thought, no; the urge to slam my heel to the fragile structure of her throat, silencing her lyrical enticement

i cant stop replaying the image of me stabbing into her, feeling the warmth of her flesh as if the knife was an extension of my body

i know it’s unlikely i will get away with it, but i can’t stop wondering what her dying screams would sound like

i cant stop replaying the image of me stabbing into her, feeling the warmth of her flesh as if the knife was an extension of my body

her blood will stain my hands and the delightful sounds of her screams will stain my ears.

something is wrong with me.

[yanderec0r3]

just broke 4 months clean because i found a new crush!! </3

[yanderec0r3]

i’ll get violent for you, my love. i’ll rip her spine out and pin it on my wall as a trophy. i want to kill her. i want to hurt her. whenever i see her, i want to kill her. i will kill her. her blood will stain my hands and the delightful sounds of her screams will stain my ears.

[yanderec0r3]

the thought of her being your friend nauseates me. she has intentions of seducing you, and i’ll be dead before i let that happen.

[queer-yand3re]

i want mutual obsession. i want someone to be as in love with me as i am with them. i’m tired of feeling so lonely. i want to wear vials of each other’s blood, i want us to cut ourselves together, do drugs together, i want to keep you always by my side and me by yours. i want to be texted constantly, i want to be adored. i want to adore you. i want to keep you all to myself. i want to be only yours. i want us to be so in love we are one person, we would kill and die for each other.

i want obsession.

[yanderec0r3]

stop running into class like an excited puppy to come talk to him you fucking slut. this is my time with him, you here me? mine. i get to spend this precious time talking to him, it’s unfair for you to come running in interrupting it. it’s not like he likes you anyways you ugly little whore. leave my man alone. or else.

[yanderec0r3]

i found a new love! he likes me and i like him! ❤️ he treats me so well, i love him!! ❤️❤️ we went on a date recently and it went so well! he held my hand and my heart almost exploded! ❤️

[yanderec0r3]

lol nvm he betrayed me too

[yanderec0r3]

i found a new love! he likes me and i like him! ❤️ he treats me so well, i love him!! ❤️❤️ we went on a date recently and it went so well! he held my hand and my heart almost exploded! ❤️

[parakeet]

now for the ultimate test. go to this website. set it to randomly generate ONE pokemon. all generations. all types. whatever it generates? thats you as a pokemon forever. what you get is what you get. NO RE ROLLING. now. who are you? i got goomy :^)

[xero0-deactivated20230118]

magcargo lmao

[delusion-of-negation]

phanpy

[ryan-shepard-writes]

I’m valid.

[delusion-of-negation]

fuck off ash

[yanderec0r3]

…

[yanderec0r3]

i’m so sorry he did something that hurt you! i really hope you find someone new and i hope that this time the person is for good!! /pos /gen

thank you!! i’m still recovering, i had a dream about him yesterday which made things a lot harder, but im doing better. thank you so so much!! it means a lot ❤️

[yanderec0r3]

okay, a few updates since i haven’t been active.

i’ve left my senpai. he did something awful to me. i thought i would always love him no matter what he did… but he ruined me. him and his bitch can go live their pathetic little lives. whatever. i hope they get hit by a train. or get aids and die. or get a brain tumor.

i really need someone to obsess over… i know this isn’t a healthy coping mechanism, but i don’t care. i need to obsess over someone to forget about the rest of my problems. i’ll find someone soon. and then, i’ll be a lot more active. this is a good place to vent. until next time, my dears.

[yanderec0r3]

fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou

it hurts so fucking much. it hurts to see her posing with you. with your hands all over her, as if it’s fucking nothing. as if you didn’t touch me like that and then fucking abandon me. how do you do it? how is it so easy for you to stop loving someone? how is it so easy for you to switch your feelings? i don't understand. you’re so unintentionally cruel and i don’t understand why.

[yanderec0r3]

i don’t care how much you hurt me. i don’t care how much pain i‘ll feel. i’ll endure any pain as long as i can be close to you. i don’t care what you put me through, just please hold me. you can abuse me any way you want, and i’ll love you as long as you’re holding on to me.