Today.
I would have been showing by now. I don't know why my heart hurts today. It just does.

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Today.
I would have been showing by now. I don't know why my heart hurts today. It just does.
Surgery.
Well, I got some lab results back from my doctor today. He suspects that my endo has progressed even further and fused into my bladder causing a lot of issues. The only way to confirm his suspician? Surgery. More surgery.
Today.
I didn't get any sleep whatsoever last night. My pain levels were astronomical. Every time I tried to adjust it felt like my organs were tearing apart. All I could do was lay with my heating pad and hope for the best. Well, it's 2:12pm on my end, and I'm still here, with my heating pad...hoping for the best. I made the mistake of eating lunch, so now I'm nauseous on top of the pain. No Bueno. My OB has pretty much told me that I have two options: I can start chemotherapy, or I can get pregnant. What a bullshit predicament that puts me in. Pregnancy does not cure endometriosis. It just doesn't. Since losing a pregnancy a couple of months ago, I am scared to even start trying to conceive. Plus, I don't think a doctor has the right to push pregnancy down a woman's throat. I do want children, yes. But that's really none of his business until I'm pregnant, is it. He wants me to start the Lupron depot shot, which is a former of chemotherapy. Side effects include brittle bones, internal bleeding, weakness, exhaustion, death ( in some cases) and I also read that it can cause birth defects in your children later on down the line. Why is it that us women who struggle have to jump through all of these hoops to try and live a normal life? It's okay to say it- it's not fair!
You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.
Ernest Hemingway
Words of Wisdom Wednesday
(via endometriosis)
Dealing with Doctors When You Have a Chronic Illness
When you have a chronic illness, or deal with chronic pain, you learn pretty quickly that you are your best and only advocate. Doctors can often be rude, dismissive, and distrustful. They may make you feel like you’re unimportant, or imply your symptoms aren’t as bad as they really are. They may even accuse you of lying.
It took two years, and six doctors, to finally have my endometriosis taken seriously. It was frustrating, and I often felt like maybe I was going crazy. Like maybe the pain really was all in my head. Here are a few things I’ve found helpful, and some advice from a friend of mine who is a doctor. Please feel free to add to them in reblogs or messages, I’d like this to be comprehensive.
Some helpful phrases: I’m not happy with my current method of treatment because…
I no longer feel my symptoms are manageable.
I want to trust your expertise, but I don’t feel that I’m being taken seriously.
I’m confused, can you repeat that?
I don’t understand, can you simplify that?
That will help with the pain. Is there anything that can help with…?
When going to see a doctor about a diagnosis
Do
Make a list of your symptoms, medications (including supplements), medical history, and family medical history before going in.
Be firm and clear about how your symptoms have affected your life, and what you would like from any possible treatment (for example, is it more important to you that you are able to work full time, or that you are completely free of pain?)
Tell your doctor all your symptoms, but make sure they know which ones are the most severe, and which ones affect your life the most.
If you have a uterus, tell your doctor if you plan to have children someday.
If you don’t plan to have children, ask your doctor if the treatment would be different for someone without a uterus, or who they considered old enough to decide not to have children. Ask why they have chosen the current method of treatment instead.
Ask your doctor to repeat any instructions they have for you, and write them down. Speak up if you’re confused, and follow the instructions carefully.
Don’t
Exaggerate any of your symptoms in order to be taken more seriously.
Downplay any of your symptoms because you don’t want to seem annoying or attention-seeking.
Leave anything out because it’s embarrassing or difficult to talk about. I can guarantee your doctor has heard and seen worse.
Lie to your doctor about your diet, exercise, or drug and alcohol use. They won’t judge you, or report you to the police, and it could be relevant.
Leave the appointment without a solution, prescription, or avenue of further research (eg blood tests, or a referral to a specialist).
Get angry or feel ripped off if the doctor has to google a few things. GPs are general practitioners, and it would be impossible for them to know everything about every pill and illness on earth. They’ll still get more out of a google search than you will, because they have a much better understanding of medicine and the human body. Edit: Just to clarify, because I made someone really angry because I think I wasn’t clear on this point. If you go to a specialist, and they type all your symptoms into google and base your diagnosis off of that, of course you have every right to be angry. I’m talking about a GP checking side effects or contraindications before prescribing you something, or quickly checking to see if there’s any new information about your condition since the last time they learned about it. It would be impossible for them to know everything about every illness and medication ever, and I would personally rather they checked before prescribing me something. Doctors have access to medical journals and information that we don’t have access to, and in general they know a lot more about bodies than the average person.
Of course, your doctor should listen to you, and talk to you about your symptoms. That’s kind of the whole point of this entire post. I just don’t think you should automatically dismiss a doctor as an incompetent idiot just because they might want to double check something before tell you.
How to talk about fatigue with your doctor
Fatigue or exhaustion can be hard to describe, and just saying you’re tired all the time can be misleading.
Write down the times of day you feel most tired for at least a few weeks before going in. Also write down what you eat, and any exercise you do. This may be helpful to the doctor, and even if it isn’t, you may be able to find some patterns that help you manage your fatigue on your own.
The doctor may ask you to rate the feeling of fatigue on a scale of 1 - 10. This can be helpful, but is also subjective. Make sure you also communicate how the fatigue has affected your life. Is it preventing you from going to work? Have you had to give up the things you love because you feel too tired to do them? Has it affected your relationships?
How to talk about pain with your doctor
Describe the physical sensation. Just saying it hurts doesn’t help the doctor figure out what’s going on, so you need to be specific. You can use words like constant, intermittent, throbbing, acute, aching, dull, sharp, burning, stabbing, stiff or tight.
You can describe your pain by comparing it to other things. For example, my pain feels like needles, being squeezed too hard, a broken bone, a toothache, a cut from a knife, an electric shock, waves that come and go, a bad sunburn, banging my elbow etc
Describe where the pain is taking place. Be specific, but try not to guess at a particular organ or muscle, even if you’re very familiar with the human body.
If it’s helpful, you can print out this chart, and colour in the areas that hurt.
Make sure you specify whether the pain is deep inside your body, or superficial (on or just under the skin).
Tell your doctor what effect the pain is having on your life. This is extremely important. They may ask you to rate your pain on a scale of 1 - 10, which can be helpful, but pain is subjective. One person’s 8 might be another person’s 4.
It is much more informative in the case of chronic pain to tell your doctor things like: My pain stops me from going to work on a regular basis; my pain prevents me from doing the things that I love, my pain makes me irritable, depressed, anxious, or short tempered; my pain is unbearable; I am no longer able to work full time as a result of my pain; my pain stops me from having sex; my pain has affected my relationships; I no longer feel I can manage my pain.
You may think your doctor is only interested in physical symptoms, but in reality telling them the ways your illness has affected your life gives them a much clearer idea of the severity of the symptoms, and of what treatments are necessary.
I hope this is helpful.
My Little Bean
This is a letter to my unborn baby. I was told to keep it in a journal. I was told that it was inappropriate to share. But, I don’t care anymore. Miscarriage is a taboo subject that nobody wants to talk about, or hear about. It happens, unfortunately. It happens a lot. Women with endometriosis are high risk for suffering through miscarriages. I believe that it is important to express your feelings in any way that you find fit. Someone once told me to “ Feel all of the feels.” and I agree. Discussion can be a real healer sometimes. My little Love Bug, I am so sorry that I wasn’t able to carry you. I am so sorry that you didn’t make it. Every single day I think of what we lost. Would you have had your Daddy's green eyes and my smile? Would you have been a little boy or a little girl? What would motherhood be like, right now, at this point in my life? I do know one thing. I know you would have been spoiled rotten by everyone who would have loved you so dearly. I know that I would have loved you with every fiber of my being until the end of time. You would have been the light of our lives. I only carried you for a couple of weeks, I know. Most people would say I lost “ A clump of cells.” You were so much more to me than that, peanut. You were our baby, regardless of what others may constitute as a baby. I hope I get to meet you one day. I love you forever. - Mommy.
A First Post. A New Journey.
Endometriosis. Endometriosis. Endometriosis. A word that many people have probably heard, but not enough people know about. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis in 2015. It took years of doctor visits, years of ER visits from pain that I couldn’t stand, but couldn’t explain. Years of being written off by doctors who thought I was just “ whiny.” Years of doctors telling me I simply had “ Bad periods.” Years of being told to suck it up. In 2015, assuming my OB was sick of my whining, A Laparoscopic procedure was preformed and it was confirmed that I had endometriosis on my left ovary and right by my bladder. I was overcome with a sense of relief coupled with a deep rooted sorrow. I had always known I had it. My mother had it, my cousin has it, my grandmother had it. However, having it in writing changed things for me. I finally had a definitive answer as to why sometimes I was in so much pain that I physically couldn’t move, no matter how determined I was. An answer as to why I was constantly exhausted, no matter how much sleep I got. An answer as to why I was/ am constantly sick. My body is constantly trying to fight off this disease that it has no chance against, so it doesn’t have time to protect me from much else. I knew in 2015 that the game had changed. I had answers and I want other women to have answers. I want to raise awareness to this “ Invisible Illness.” If left undiagnosed or untreated, Endo can be fatal. There are at least 200,000 cases of Endometriosis diagnosed every year. Diagnosed is the key word. There are SO MANY women who are left undiagnosed either because they feel like they are being babies when they admit to their doctors that they have painful periods or because their doctors really won’t take them seriously. We should never ever feel ashamed to admit that we are in pain. I am dedicating this blog to raising endometriosis awareness as well as my personal battle with the disease. This is something that I don’t think we should have to fight all alone. Ladies, if you are having periods that seem abnormal...if you are in incredible amounts of pain every day, especially on your periods, please make an appointment with your OB. Your health is so, so, so important. Don’t sell yourself short.