The Frerard Theories: .all i want is nothing.
Disclaimer: I’m not saying that this is the truth as for only Gerard and Frank know what the truth was. This is just a 20 year old girl who gets bored enough sometimes to analyze lyrics, and let me tell you, as an English Literature student I’m pretty damn good at it. If you don’t like frerard, don’t continue reading. I don’t want to change your mind, I don’t want for you to try and change mine. If you want to discuss something in a civilized way, feel free to contact me but otherwise I’m not interested. Also, note that I won’t ever, ever in my whole life go harassing these two men with frerard stuff because they have expressed they don’t like it and it’s disrespectful to not comply with what they want.
i think back to the heart attack, when our world seemed so brand new. i wasted time with a crooked spine when i really should have spent my time with you. now all i want is nothing, because all i want is what i can’t have. all i want is nothing, if i can’t have just one more single second of your undivided attention. all i want is you. all i have now are memories of how you felt lying next to me. all we are is a memory. i used to have a best friend, now just one more enemy. and all i want is nothing, because all i want is what i can’t have. all i want is nothing, if i can’t have just one more second of a time when i was yours and you were mine. and all i want is everything we never had before but i still want more. all i want is you, to want me.
First, i’d like to start mentioning that Gerard said this was one of his favorite songs when .stomachaches. was released. This means something to me, because the song is about Frank wanting to be with someone with whom he was before, someone he misses and someone he isn’t talking to at the moment.
Also, I find interesting how Frank addresses the song directly to the person it is about, he doesn’t say he/she/them, he says you. He wants this person to notice, and he wants this person to know the song is about them. The song starts with i think back to the heart attack, when our world seemed so brand new. I actually think here he’s referring to two things, one involving Jamia and one involving Gerard. He’s remembering when he started his relationship with Jamia, and how everything was a whole new world (yea, that sounds like Aladdin). How they were young and unexperienced, and fell in love. I think Frank loves Jamia, I think he truly does, but I believe his love for Gerard is something somewhat stronger, it’s like Jamia is the person that is right for him, the right person to settle down and have kids and whatnot, but Gerard is his soul-mate. And many times, your soul-mate is not the right person to do this, many times soul-mates will fuck you up and you’ll need to fight for the relationship to end up with them. As for him referring to Gerard in this line, he is thinking back to when he met him, “the heart attack”, something so strong that would change their lives forever. They both have referred to when they met as something really special, because Frank was the missing piece in MCR and they started to bond, to form a relationship –to discover the passion and trouble this would carry them. They’ve gone through a lot together, even if they weren’t in love, they’ve been touring together for months, sleeping together, Frank was there through all Gerard’s rehab, he smacked him when Gerard wanted to take pills again. Their relationship, even if it was just friendship, has gone through a lot.
Gerard: You probably came with your best friend… you to turn to that motherfucker, you grab ‘em by the throat and you say, ‘You’re my best fucking friend, and I would die for you!
(Frank grabs Gerard’s throat.)
Interviewer: Does Gerard sleep naked?
Frank: Yes, he does.
Gerard: Noo!
Frank: You did when you slept with me! Interviewer: Aaw.. Frank: He told me it had to be that way…
Frank: I never expected it to be that easy or cut-and-dry. I mean it’s Gerard, we would have given him a million chances. But he’s very strong. He’s never slipped up. He tried to take Nyquil once and I smacked him.
(about Gerard’s rehab.)
i wasted time with a crooked spine when i really should have spent my time with you. Again, I think he might be referring to both, Jamia and Gerard here. He could be referring to Jamia because he wasted his time with Gerard, I think this is very interesting because Gerard suffers from scoliosis (a crooked spine) and Frank here could be regretting how he wasted his time with a relationship that was doomed because Gerard didn’t want to make it public, Gerard wanted to hide and that’s half a relationship, they never really had a complete relationship. He thinks that maybe he shouldn’t have started things with Gerard, and instead he should have paid more attention to Jamia, who was always there for him. But then again, he could be referring to Gerard, and “crooked spine” could be referring to Frank’s doubts about their relationship. Let’s face it; when you want to be with someone and they don’t want the world to know about you two, you are going to wonder whether they want to really be with you or if this is just for fun. From my point of view, Frank here might be talking about when they were recording The Black Parade. Something bad happened in that house, I’ve said it thousands of times, Frank suddenly got engaged with Jamia and Gerard and him stopped doing their thing on stage. My theory is that Frank was pressuring Gerard to go public, Gerard refused and they had a huge fight. Frank, being as impulsive as he is, got engaged with Jamia. First, to make Gerard jealous, and second because he was wondering where their relationship was going to take them and having doubts.
these are photos of Frank wedding. Look at Gerard’s face. That is not a real smile. Also, Frank doesn’t look as excited as Jamia in any of the photos.
now all i want is nothing, because all i want is what i can’t have. Now, this excludes Jamia completely. He already has Jamia, she’s his wife. He wants someone he can’t have, that’s why he doesn’t want anything at all if he can’t have this person. I think “all I want is what I can’t have” refers to both; Gerard and their relationship. He can’t have a relationship with him, because Gerard refuses to leave his plastic life behind and tell the world that he loves Frank, therefore he can’t have Gerard. I think this is really explicit, because he’s excluding Jamia. She just doesn’t fit here, and Gerard saying that this was one of his favorites songs in the album… well. Pretty self-explanatory.
all i want is nothing, if i can’t have just one more single second of your undivided attention. I think Frank here is telling Gerard that he doesn’t want anything from him if he isn’t willing to give him all, if Gerard isn’t willing to be Frank’s one and only and make Frank Gerard’s one and only, he doesn’t want anything. Not his friendship, not even acquaintances. It’s either a romantic relationship (Gerard’s undivided attention) or nothing. Also, he might be referring to how they weren’t talking anymore, after the break up they didn’t talk through social media at all, and I believe they weren’t talking in private either. So Frank couldn’t have Gerard’s attention, and he really wanted it, because he’s in love with Gerard, Gerard is all that Frank wants and if he can’t have him, he doesn’t want anything else.
all i want is you. This really breaks my heart. Frank is basically screaming at Gerard that he wants him, that he needs him, that he lives for him. That Gerard is all that Frank wants. This song is really explicit, and it’s like taking a journey down their lives together. How they were clouded with doubts, and how they fell in love and hurt each other. I mean, even if they weren’t lovers, they were really, really close. Let’s think about this for a moment: Frank and Gerard meet for the first time, they both describe this as something magical (as I have said). They start making progress with MCR and giving shows every other night, always together in that tiny van, away from their girlfriends. Drunk and high on drugs. They start to get closer and closer, Frank becomes Gerard best friend. Gerard is a mess, he’s become an addict and he isn’t making really good choices, but Frank never leaves his side, not even through Gerard’s rehab. Then comes all the “stage gay”, but off stage Frank is sitting on Gerard’s lap, caressing his face and always with him. I mean, even in Danger Days, after all the things that happened in ProjRev, their bond seems to grow stronger. And Frank wants this. He doesn’t want to lose it.
Frank: We used to soak ourselves in fake blood and then me and Gerard would wake up stuck to each other.
Frank: We live on each other… we’re in each other’s faces.
Gerard: We sleep with each other.
Frank: Like, 24/7, yeah. I mean, that’s it. It’s us and the world.
“I knew Gerard as the comic-book artist, as Mikey’s creepy older brother,
and I remember meeting him at a party and thinking “Wow, this kid’s fucking rad” and we just got along straight off the bat.”
all i have now are memories of how you felt lying next to me. all we are is a memory. “all that I have now are the memories of our relationship, we are nothing but a fantasy of what we were.” Again, this excludes Jamia. She’s not a memory, she’s very present in Frank’s life. But Gerard? –Gerard is something Frank used to have, they used to be very close, but since the band broke up they hardly speak. This song is so explicit it’s hurting my heart. Frank here is admitting he had something with Gerard, even if we all knew, but here he’s admitting it. They were together. “how you felt lying next to me”? I’ve quoted this before but:
Frank: We used to soak ourselves in fake blood and then me and Gerard would wake up stuck to each other.
Frank: We live on each other… we’re in each other’s faces.
Gerard: We sleep with each other.
Frank: Like, 24/7, yeah. I mean, that’s it. It’s us and the world.
Come on, this is super explicit. Like, if you had doubts about them being together, stop having them because it’s true. And no one ever is going to convince me otherwise.
i used to have a best friend, now just one more enemy. Again –super explicit. Gerard and Frank were best friends, and now they are hardly talking. I still believe they must have had a sort of fight, which was the last thing Gerard needed to break the band up, and I still believe Frank didn’t know about this until he saw it online. I think Gerard and Frank’s love, back in Danger Days, grew stronger. Their feelings towards each other grew stronger, and that complicated things a bit. I think Gerard is a very complicated person, in the sense that he’s a very interesting individual. He has his own way of looking at the world and understanding things, and I believe that he doesn’t like to be wrong. If he had continued with Frank, they would have ended up telling the world, and Gerard would have had to break up with LynZ and abandon his plastic life and us, the frerard shippers would have been right. That, plus him not standing people hating on him, are the two major reasons why they didn’t go public. And also, that having a public relationship while being on a band together puts a lot of pressure to it. Just think about Gerard at the moment, he loves being admired, he loves people loving him, and I’ve said this before, a huge part of the fandom, not to say the whole fandom, would support him, but the whole world is not the fandom. The world isn’t understanding. The world is homophobic. Not to mention that both, Gerard and Frank, come from a catholic background. Even Frank has hinted at Gerard being complicated:
Frank: Me and Gerard… We talk, we cry and he’s still Gerard Way…
Frank: Gerard… is very sensitive, but very, very, very smart. And sometimes you don’t always see it, ‘cause he’s not book-smart, he’s just an idealist, he’s like a genius. And like his brother, very kind.
“I remember going into Gerard’s room one night, and he was reading this book on Hell, and we were talking about morality plays and weird minstrel things, and he was talking about how nobody has done things like that in the modern sense. And then it started to turn into something a little more personal. I don’t think Gerard cannot get attached to things, and it’s hard for him to not want to tell a story, and that’s the artist and the author in him.”
and all i want is nothing, because all i want is what i can’t have. all i want is nothing, if i can’t have just one more second of a time when i was yours and you were mine. Again –this excludes Jam Jams (I love Jamia, she’s so sweet). Why does this exclude Jamia? Well, think about it this way: Frank has Jamia. Therefore, if the song was for her, the line “all I want is what I can’t have” makes no sense. The line “a time when I was yours and you were mine” makes no sense, because Jamia is still his, and Frank is still hers. This is written for another person. Frank can’t have Gerard now, they aren’t touring together anymore, the days of them against the world have ended. The days of them sleeping with each other have ended. And Frank is disappointed, and Frank is hurt, because he wants this back, he wants Gerard back and he wants him all to himself.
and all i want is everything we never had before but i still want more. all i want is you, to want me. Basically, Frank wants a “real” relationship. The kind of relationship they never had. Let’s put it this way: they were only able to be together when they were touring and even then they had to hide. When the tour ended, their relationship ended, the magic ended, because they had to go back to their lives. They couldn’t tell the world how much they loved each other, they couldn’t hold hands in public or kiss in public without saying it was fake. And Frank wants everything a relationship involves, the public demonstrations of love, the long Sundays together after the tour, everything. Basically, Frank wants Gerard to want him, not only when they are in private, but when they are in public too.
This song is so fucking explicit and hurting that it breaks my heart. I really wish things would have been different, I really wish they could have been happy together. I think they are still in love, because relationships like this never go away. These two men have a bond, they have shared a lot together, and they have gone through a lot of shit together. That’s why I still have faith in MCR getting back together/them being together again; because I believe they’ll find each other again.
**Also, I wanted to talk about how Gerard has coincidentally go offline when Frank was in LA. I think he either didn’t want to think about it, and twitter was going to be reminding him 24/7, mainly because Mikey was there, or because he went out to see Frank. I hope it’s the second option. I think that if Gerard was at Frank’s gig in LA, he would have been backstage. I don’t think Gerard would have wanted us to know, we lost our shit with Mikey being there, imagine if we had known about them together again. Someone told me like a week or two ago that they had met Frank and that he seemed really happy and not as depressed as he has been since the break up, and I think it could be because he was going to see Gerard in LA. But this is just an assumption, there are no proofs of this. This is just what I believe**
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