Yesterday's Chocolate

Just a lost girl, trying to become a charming lady. TRIGGER WARNING! I want to warn you about the fact that my blog might be triggering to people. I am a 23 year old woman/ girl. Living in the Netherlands. Some days enjoying life and other days not so much. Have you got any questions? Need help? Want someone to listen or a digital hug? Feel free to contact me ❤️ HW: 98 kg (216lbs) / GW1: 80 kg (176 lbs) / GW2: 70kg (154 lbs) / CW: 67 (153) / GW3: 62 kg (137 lbs) / UGW: 55 kg (121 lbs)

[who-is-fiona-deactivated2018122]

[yesterdaysxchocolate]

I hate this game of attempting to recover and restricting... just kill me already and get it over with.

[starvingborderline2]

[yesterdaysxchocolate]

What if your ED makes you so depressed that you want to die? What happens after that?

Me

[yesterdaysxchocolate]

I can't do this

[yesterdaysxchocolate]

I just keep disappointing people and it's breaking me apart. I am so so sorry.

Me

[skelethinwitch-deactivated20190]

[yesterdaysxchocolate]

❤️🌹

[missblack22]

I’m not even gonna sugar coat it I’m fucking suicidal

Via (missblack22)

[anxiousthinspo]

Thinspo and tattoo aesthetic

[yesterdaysxchocolate]

❤️🌹

[scribblesthepoet]

I had a 3.5 when I tried to kill myself. When people ask how you are, you might as well be a terms and conditions page with how much they really care. It’s usually just a pleasantry said to ease conversation and make someone feel good. They really don’t want to know how you are when you’re active and still get out of bed in the morning. Couldn’t care less about your well-being when you’re in the honors program and smile when someone says hello. Unless you carry enough of a dark cloud to keep even the brightest of people away, you’re obviously not worth the answer. I’ve been asked what I have to be depressed about more times than I think I’ve heard my own name. My doctor keeps my chronic illness in check while my roommate makes sure I eat meals. I’ve always had a roof on my head and reliable transportation available to me. It’s too bad then that mental illness is like the ivy growing up buildings both full and empty. Those vines are not picky in what they consume so they can easily wrap their arms around to suffocate an exterior. Lucky for the building it can hide it’s slow decay behind the facade of leaves and moss. I’ve cut my forearm after acing a final before. People joke about suicide while you walk beside them and you hide your response behind a polite smile. “They aren’t struggling with anything, they just want attention” are words I’ve grown sickly accustomed to. I’d sooner swallow battery acid than have someone see the way my skin looks after all these years. The attention brought every time I get an IV is bad enough without the so called “comedy” I hear daily But no one suspects the girl involved in too many activities for her own good She can’t be depressed because she’s still getting out and doing things. I suffer from high functioning anxiety and depression but damn if I don’t make it look good Greek letters and a marching band uniform suit me well and keep me distracted most days. I still answer questions in class and offer anyone help if they ever need it. My niece thinks her aunt is full of sunshine while I’m convinced everyone else barely sees me at all. With a loud voice and obnoxious hair colors to cover self hatred it’s hard to imagine that I’d ever fade into the background But with a grab bag Twitter account and a depressing mix of poetry, it’s even harder to imagine how anyone can’t see it.

High Functioning (via scribblesthepoet)

This describes how I feel perfectly... it makes me so sad that other people are going though this.

[sarcastic-sadness]

[yesterdaysxchocolate]

B :)

Weirdly enough not gaining weight, but disapointing people and ending up alone

[thistranspoet-deactivated201801]

Give me a letter. 

a – age

b – biggest fear

c – current time 

d – drink you last had/are having 

e – easiest person to talk to

f – favorite song 

g – ghosts, are they real 

h – heritage 

i – in love with 

k – kissed someone

l – last time you cried 

m – middle name 

n – number of siblings 

o – one wish

p – person who you last called 

q – question you’re always asked 

r – reason to smile 

s – song last sang 

t – time you woke up 

u – underwear color 

w – worst habit

x – x-rays you’ve had 

y – your favorite food 

z – zodiac sign

[boreragnarok]

Let’s do this guys

[yesterdaysxchocolate]

Please give something to do while fasting

[yesterdaysxchocolate]

Me: I need to eat dinner. I should get something ED: or you could share an apple with your dog. That's dinner too

[blackcoffeesadness]

me: wow today is gonna be a good day

mental illness: i think the fuck not u trick ass bitch

[yesterdaysxchocolate]

Why do I still feel so fat after losing 20 kg (44lbs)

Me

[anxiousthinspo]

[yesterdaysxchocolate]

❤️🌹