#high functioning depression

[roselunde]

Does anyone else have mild psychotic and mood symptoms but not enough to feel valid?

I get paranoid and have unusual perceptual experiences, but not hallucinations. I withdraw from time to time but I'm still sociable. I get restless and sometimes make risky decisions but I always rein myself in. I might sleep for 13 hours and hardly manage the bare minimum for months but I'm still kind of okay. I talk to myself almost all day to keep myself company but only in whispers when no one is listening. I get weird thoughts and think in strange loops and paradoxes for hours straight but I am always aware that it's all nonsense.

Therapists tell me how self-aware I am. Friends consider me the voice of reason. I'm playing a role that doesn't fit my internal reality. And I wish I could just do something crazy to show people I'm not normal.

Of course I won't. I don't mean doing anything dangerous or harmful. For example, I have been open a few times about my bizarre thoughts with my friends. But I don't want people to stop trusting me, or impose their will on me because they think I can't make decisions for myself. So I end up managing on my own, internalising it all, with no one to compare myself to in order to know how normal my experiences even are.

[deadbeatbf69]

having high functioning depression is so humiliating because I shower everyday and have an extensive skin routine but I also don’t see the point in anything and always have a plan for my death.

[cryinginmyroomsposts]

the tragically beautiful pipeline from high-functioning child to burnt-out adult with a laundry pile of hobbies itching to be cleaned and used again but the adult is just too exhausted to do anything more than pick them up from the pile to check if they are dirty enough only to find out... they always will be dirty now that the adult has lost the bandwidth to do laundry

[feralboo-the-weirdo]

You know what is just mind boggling? Neurotypical people exist. Like there are people who can just DO things and not have depression, anxiety (in every form ever), RSD, sensory overloads, and not get overwhelmed. Like there are people who can work for eight hours every day and still do things after. People who can make phone calls with no struggle. Who aren't constantly bombarded by a cacophony of thoughts both good and bad when they do things. Who have anxiety but it isn't crippling. who can spend hours, WEEKS with people and not get tired or fear that everyone there hates you. People who have no idea what Depression or intense trauma feel like. People who hear instructions and do it right first go. People who can follow a conversation without zoning out, or having to mask.

Like. Do neurotypical people actually exist?

Because I can't even imagine what it would be like to be neurotypical. Or mentally healthy. Both sound alien and foren. But like. Obviously they exist because neurodivergent people wouldn't struggle so much if not for how the world was structured for Neurotypical people but I don't know if I've ever met a neurotypical.

idk. food for thought I guess.

[crazedmadscientist]

Currently, the only things keeping me alive rn is food and delulu (fanfics, writing, media, fiction). Oh, and daydreaming

[bunnyschaoticrealm]

I think being mentally ill should automatically exempt you from normal illnesses. My mind causes me enough pain every day, I don't need fever and headaches on top of that

[nonromanticising]

I sometimes hate being high functioning bc people forget that im actually ill and my brain doesn’t work like theirs

[tastefuldegenerate]