THE REVIVAL

sometimes i obsess

[adamsvanrhijn]

what did your GRANDMOTHERS do? #feminism

[thetursithan]

In the 2000s, phones had quirks and class....

[alexaloraetheris]

In the ye olde days, when technology allowed phones to become small but there was no general concensus on what a phone should/ought to look like, it was like the wild west of phone design. The crazier it was, the higher the prestige. Phones back then did two things and they did them with flamboyance.

And then Steve Jobs ruined everything.

[aerishey]

CARMY ACTIVELY HIDES HIS DESIRE TO BE WITH SYDNEY FROM HIS FAMILY, AND THEN HIMSELF

The reason was Richie.

I've written a pretty long meta about why I think Carmy wanted to have fun with Syd originally (it's a link to the reddit post I made because for some reason tumblr wouldn't let it show in the tags?). And I'm fully with @fairestbeard on why Carmy ditched Sydney and went with Cl**re instead, that meta partly inspired this post. Also, my latest Sydcarmy video, because editing this ship is my best source of meta ideas. Maybe it's delusional lol, but it's may canon.

In 2x03, at the al-anon meeting, he says: "I think when I was a kid, anything that would give me any sort of excitement, or amusement or enjoyment, it always got kinda fucked. I don't think my family meant to ruin it or anything like that, you know, I don't think they did it on purpose, but I think... sometimes they just, they try too hard."

And in 2x06, we actually see Mikey and Richie (and a bit of Stevie) trying too hard about Cl**re, borderline bullying him into get with her.

I think he was in love with her in a way a highschooler can be in love with a classmate he never really talked to. He had a crush, he was excited, he drew her, and because of Mikey and Richie, it got fucked.

Even in the present, we can see his family, especially Richie and Fak, trying too hard about Cl**re, as he was saying in 2x03.

And even Cl**re was trying too hard, tracking down his number from Fak, when Carmy gave her a fake one, and in 4x03, she admitted that she felt him pulling away, but she still pushed things with him.

So when Cl**re called=she pushed, and she talked about how she knows all the Faks, in the moment, Carmy knew he couldn't tell her the truth, that his plan is to go out with Syd, because his whole family's gonna know, and it will get fucked. And he doesn't want to say he has work stuff with a coworker, because that's not what this is, he wants it to be more. So he looks at his to do list for an excuse, but then Cl**re tells him not to make it weird, and at that point it's easier to go along.

And the show doesn't even show us their first hangout. That's really significant, I think.

And at the end of 2x03, his whole demeanor towards Sydney is the SAME as in 2x02. His hangout with Cl**re didn't change anything. He says "I'd love to show you", he touches her shoulder, kicks stuff out of the way for her, gets in her personal space, they have a quiet, kinda awkward public argument, where he caves in, and gives her what she wants, he uses the sorry sign, and like, that's a bit intimate.

And then... Richie.

And his "Ooooo..." comment, and it was teasing him like "Someone's in trouble." or "Someone's whipped.". I think it's generally a tone that guys use to tease other men when they do what their girlfriend/wife wants. And Carmy even looks back at him, and we don't see it but he COULD see Sydney's annoyed reaction. And in his mind, he knows whatever it is he's doing with Sydney, it will get ruined, because of his family.

And I think in his mind, he was like I won't jeopardize this. Not this.

So he stops touching her casually, like he did in 2x02 and 2x03. After that, they hug at the fire suppression test, but everyone hugs everyone there, they hug at the Ever funeral, but that's a business hug for show, they accidentally brush shoulders in 4x09, and I think their fingers touch in 4x10 where Syd hands him the lighter. That's it. During this whole time, he has no problem casually touching others, though.

And in 2x05, we see him seemingly busy, but if we slow down the interactions, it's ONLY Sydney he doesn't have time for.

I uploaded a video about his two interactions with Syd at the restaurant, because it would be really hard with pictures, there are so many little moments.

The first interaction:

She wasn't even talking to specifically to him, but to everyone there, but he still had this annoyed look on his face, and he wanted to cut her short, so he tells her they're gonna talk about this later. When she brings up another topic, he says the same. Then after Syd leaves, he spends the scene not interrupting or hurrying anyone else. Like he just wanted her out of there. Note that Richie is there.

Before he goes to talk to Syd, he just lurks around for like 20 seconds at the front for a bit, doing absolutely nothing. Like he was procrastinating the interaction.

Then the "conversation" about the plates through this lens:

Fak is there. So it's not a safe territory. Also he starts to talking to Fak and Tim, Syd has to slap her hands to get his attention back.

He gives her one weak input about his plate preference. That's it.

He hears Nat's footsteps, and he immediately turns to her, and asks her "What's up?"

As Syd starts to asks about the permit, he suddenly turns to Nat and tells her he's gonna take that to the mailbox. Nat looks like she doesn't know why he chooses to do so, and says "Okay."

Then he dodges the conversation starters Sydney brings up, about napkins and Coach K.

The only thing he initiates is about the chaos menu. "Chaos menu... I don't know." You know what creating the original chaos menu required? Him and Syd in close quarters, working together. But that's now dangerous. (But he'll do it with Cl**re, because that relationship is known by everyone, including Fak and Richie, there's not really much to lose there.)

Then Nat asks if he's not dropping that off because she's pregnant. Because it's not his job, it's hers. Then he says what sounds like an excuse he came up with on the spot.

Then he leaves the room, stops to check back on Fak and Tim. And it's like he's checking if Fak could see anything that would be inappropriate, like Richie did the previous episode.

And then calls Cl**re, looking absolutely miserable.

EDIT: I forgot to originally include it, but when Tina asks him about Ebra, he says "No, why, what's up?", he initiates a conversation. When Nat and Jimmy come into picture, Nat says to him that he was at 7 seconds an hour ago. He had a whole hour with Richie and Sweeps, but like 20 seconds for Syd.

Later in the episode, Nat tells Syd "At least he's hanging out with Cl**re. That seems... moderately healthy." Who told Nat that he's with Cl**re? I assume it wasn't Carmy, and it goes to show how in this family/neighborhood the news and rumors spread fast. Carmy is right to be wary.

Then at the party it was like a high school and college kind of environment. It took him back to the time when he was "in love" with this girl, and this time, this girl was actually talking to him, being interested in him. He could pretended to be someone like Mikey, someone who had many friends, like he wanted. It could be like a caress to his ego. It felt good not to feel this fear about his relationship with Syd.

When he takes Cl**re back at the restaurant, and it's Nat, Richie and even Syd there, and this relationship he has with her is now public knowledge. Even Syd knows, and he even irrationally frustrated with her when she says goodnight to him after he does. So it's above the table. And maybe a good substitute of what he actually wants. (Like he even works on the menu with Cl**re instead of Sydney.) And if he's with Cl**re, him and Sydney are safe, right?

(Also the way he introduces Cl**re is kinda weird. When I first watched it and I couldn't keep track of who knows who, I thought there must be more people, because his introduction was giving "hey everyone, it's xy", but it's only Syd who doesn't know her. Any other times he introduces someone to Syd, he uses her name directly. He does not do that here. It was like he was trying to be really casual, nonchalant, so no one can sniff what's inside his mind.)

I think it's in 2x09, through his panic attack, that he actually realizes this substitute is NOT enough. Right after the panic attack, he even looks at the menu on the wall. Like he's thinking about Syd and what could've been. Through this lens, the whole of 2x09 is like emotional infidelity, and I could even imagine that he was gonna break things up after that.

But the fridge thing happens. He left Syd alone, broke his promise to her, like he said in 2x03 about his family fucking things up with not keeping promises. And he broke Cl**re's heart, just after she confessed her love. He comes to the conclusion that HE is the other shoe, not his family anymore. He became what he was afraid of.

And that's what s3 is about. Denying his desire to be with Sydney from himself.

We can further analyze 3x09 through this lens, which I'm doing here.

[gyrovagi]

there really is something about relationships between two people that are simultaneously relationships between three people (or more). you can interpret that however you want. secret identity love squares. two people but one of them is haunted by another person. two people but both of them are haunted by the same person. someone is possessed. literally just a throuple. when there's just two people in the room but they always carry someone else along with them. Something about it.

[yannaryartside]

Sydney: the price of ending the cycle

I wanted to write something about how Carmy's character arc is not only more active through his relationship with Sydney, but also how Sydney herself plays a crucial role in guiding him towards healing. I'd like to do a review on Carmy's core wound and what I think it's the cycle he is stuck in.

Talking to the wonderful @bootlegramdomneess, she was kind enough to explain to me the concept of schemas:

A schema is an extremely stable and enduring pattern that develops during childhood and is elaborated throughout an individual’s life.

And this is part of Carmy's schema:

(...) so being a perfectionist, having unrelenting standards, being emotionally inhibited, hypercritical against himself, and negative (...) There is usually an undercurrent of pessimism and worry that things could fall apart if one fails to be vigilant and careful at all times.

Taking these definitions as reference, we can see them in the way Carmy approaches life in general, but especially in the way he sees himself in the kitchen, which is what that sydcarmy scene in 4x01 is all about. His core wound, for me (go here if you want a more detailed explanation) is about how he has never felt good enough to be loved, and that he thinks he has to earn that love.

It's interesting how his wound makes him distance himself from everyone, especially from Sydney. Still, Sydney is always able to provide Carmy the opportunity to center himself again, while acknowledging the things that need to change. Their connection pulls Carmy up the abyss he is stuck in. That's when he lets her.

The worst he feels about himself (usually in his performance priorities), the more Carmy lashes out; the dysfunction he creates stems from his inability to center himself when his wound is flaring up. The higher the standards, the more pressure there is on the star; the worse he is to everyone in the Bear, and he refuses to move his stand. In this flashback in Tomorrow, after a simple correction from Chef Teryy that apparently triggers him a bit (and after trying to pressure Luca 3 times), Carmy lashes out at Luca.

In both occasions, both Chef Terry and Sydney (who have multiple parallels between the two characters) can center Carmy when he is lashing out, as they aim to create a safe and orderly space for people to grow.

So we now have an explanation for his lashing out in s3, and for why he distances himself from Sydney's help and influence without realizing it.

The worst part is that I think he also views their relationship as a performance, rather than being honest and open in a space where she can truly reach him. Carmy, once again, is terrified to appear as the wounded person he is and to let someone value him as imperfect as he is.

And you know the wildest part of all of this? Sydney is NOW AWARE of all this shit:

When I first saw this scene, I thought (and I believe Carmy did too) that this statement came out of nowhere. But in the context of all she knows: the abusive Chef David (even if she only got a glimpse of it), the way Carmy pushes himself constantly to those standards through s3, Carmy's insistence on using the best (which puts them in red numbers since s1), it makes total sense.

She has taken all that perfectionism, which is often idealized in toxic industries as a virtue, and she sees it as a flaw. And the incredible part for me is that she sees it as a flaw because she knows the toll it takes on Carmy. Even if she suspects he doesn't like dysfunction, she sees him attending to his dysfunction because he values his perfectionism more than his own suffering.

In other words, she is acknowledging that Carmy cannot move on from his destructive thinking patterns because he believes he is gaining something from them. His wound makes him a perfectionist, and his perfectionism gives him the performance-based personal value he craves because of his wound. Except when it doesn't, and he goes harder on the self-destruction and isolation that, of course, creates even worse results and isolates him from others. And that's the cycle. This is the loop that is stuck in.

More than running a failed restaurant, Carmy is running an operation that depends on him punishing himself to achieve a result, then repeating and reducing more parts of himself over and over again to get a semblance of moving forward. But he can't, not until the wound that created the cycle is healed.

And that's why he was only able to stop lashing out after je confronted chef David, the man who took advantage of his wound to push him even more into that perfectionist sekf destructive cycle. But until Sydney points it out, he hadnt realised this perfectionism was damaging even before Chef David. Its bad when it comes from a place of self hate.

It means a lot to me that Sydney is the one who figured this out, the one who forces him to look at the way he participates in his own self-destruction. She only sees the surface, but she can see it for the destructive pattern that it is.

I really love that little distinction "you would be great, even a better cook... without the need for mess' because she wants this to be a change that benefits him as a person first and foremost.

Sydney is not a mind reader, God, she is not even great at reading people. She has just spent enough time in the fire created by this toxic pattern; she wants to protect everyone from it, but she also wants to help him. Despite her frustrations, her empathy and care for him are enough to not lose sight of Carmy's perspective and genuine caring nature.

This also showcases why he had to take a step back from cooking. Yes, cooking is a self-affirming activity for him; he gained self-confidence and learned to appreciate his creative voice. Which is essential for someone who didn't have much of a voice in his own home. But his perfectionism is entangled with his self-hate, and he hasn't been able to cook without it for a while.

Thanks for reading, tagging @clairee-5 and @morningssofgold because I think they may like it.

[bumblebee77sblog]

Someone on Reddit said something that I really liked (shocking, I know). They pointed out perhaps some of the problems Sydney and Carmy face with their relationship is them trying to keep their relationship platonic and I was like: they chewed with that. Because why does Sydney clearly want so badly to rely on Camry and, he wants her to rely on him in return but neither can break their walls down enough to do so? This largely has to do with Camry not being reliable but when he’s there, he’s there. He’ll listen and not only listen, but ask to hear more from her. He trusts her, he cares about her, and he appreciates her. Sydney reciprocates but still can’t allow him to be there for her in those times she needs someone. After not letting him be in the hospital with her, Sydney saying “I appreciate you” was just to let him know in a small way that he matters to her, even if she can’t quite show it all the time. But as she said in their argument “you self sabotage and run away when things are good and it’s not fair”. She knows any chance of what their relationship is or could be is in danger due to Carmys inability to not run when he’s challenged emotionally. It’s one thing for him to not have a passion for cooking anymore (which I still don’t believe) but it’s another thing for him to leave Sydney who he clearly cares about without really speaking to her about what it means for their relationship. This was clearly a hard thing for him to discuss because he avoided it until he couldn’t escape. When Sydney says “you’re leaving me with all this sh*t”, and he replies “no I’m not leaving anything.” I was confused because she said you’re leaving “me”, so instead of addressing that, he makes it vague to avoid personalizing it. He tries to make his speech saying how great she is about just the restaurant, but Sydney kept pushing until he finally said “you don’t need me”, allowing himself to express what some of this was really about. I believe Carmy wants to unblock himself from all the things he’s been avoiding but what was the catalyst for that? His relationship to Claire (in a way) but in a bigger way, his with Sydney. He sees her as this guardian angel that came in to the restaurant and brought light and goodness. While also making him want to be a better person and being one of his first really close friends. He feels that he is holding her back and hurting her because of his internal becoming external chaos. He also feels unworthy and useless if she gets nothing from his presences because he thinks it’s just about cooking. I also think he’s terrified it’s just about cooking and that he possibly forfeited the one place he had in her life. Despite this, She still wants him around and is frustrated he keeps ruining it for reasons she can’t understand or know because he can’t articulate it. The desperate “then why are you doing it?” broke me because clearly she knows there is more there that he isn’t saying but she can’t get it out of him. She’s trying to stress how much he matters to her but he’s too deep in self loathing to see it. That’s why I think season 5 will be crucial to Carmy finally making that step towards having a less volatile discussion with Syd about who they are to each other. Perhaps including the blood orange hamachi dish because it’s another very specific and special layer in their very complex “friendship”.

[captaintiny]

working up the courage to message an old friend you've fallen out of contact with is weird, especially if you were really close. like hi i think about you almost every day and sometimes i dream about you and your name is etched on my soul. we haven't spoken in five years. how are you?

[whenmemorydies]

I want to suggest a slight reframe of Carmy's use of the word "need" in his fight with Sydney in 4x10 Goodbye. This is based on a rewatch of the walk-in fight between Carmy and Richie two seasons earlier, in 2x10 The Bear.

In that fight, Carmy makes a clear distinction between “need” and “love.”

Recall: Carmy after having just had Richie call him by his mother's name ("Yeah I'll get you the fuck out of there, Donna.") unleashes on Cousin. He calls Richie a leech, tells him he wouldn't have the money to pay for his life or his kid without Carmy or the Berzattos, tells his brother from another mother that he should have "cut [him] the fuck out".

Richie told him he was loved, and Carmy threw it back in his face:

Richie: I fuckin' love you!

Carmy: You fuckin’ need me!

From the fight in 2x10, we see that for Carmy, "need" is tied to financial or economic need/support. Need is practical, tied to survival but without the warmth of care, passion. Carmy cannot conceptualise need for another in any other way. He makes a clear distinction between "need" and what it is to love someone.

This brings us to the fight between Sydney and Carmy in 4x10 Goodbye, where Carmy raises "need" again:

Carmy: Syd, you don’t need me.

Sydney: I know I don’t need you but that’s not the point. You’re supposed to fucking be here.

Sydney confirms for Carmy (and us) that she doesn't need him in a practical/economic/professional sense. She wants him with her ("You're supposed to fucking be here").

So if Sydney doesn't need Carmy, why would she want him?

And its this moment I'd like to reframe, more than any other in the fight between Carmy and Syd. Because given the above, this is the moment where I believe Carmy has realised that Sydney Adamu doesn’t need him, she loves him.

I am already sat for what he does with this knowledge in 5x01.

[waywardangel-wilds]

I think this hits at the main question of the series - can we move on from our fractured perceptions of relationships? Can we accept that we are loved even if we do not consider ourselves of practical value? Can we be unconditionally loved and accept it? Reciprocate it? Even when the world has beat us down?

Now the question in season 5, which I feel might be the last season, is: will Carmy accept the love he’s being offered by Richie, Sugar and Sydney? -> it is a love from people he has already failed, people who have held him accountable, and people who continue to show up for him no matter what. This is huge.

These are the people who really matter in his life which is why I think his relationship with Claire has to end next season. Claire’s love does not challenge him nor hold him accountable. It is a balm he uses for numbing. What Carmy needs to deal with is accountability, the uncomfortable reality of being present, and forward growth. He needs to attempt to stay in place instead of running and I’m so hopeful to see it play out.

[riickgrimes]

THE BEAR (2022-present) 2.08 | "Bolognese"

[richyjerimovich]

carmy being inspired by sydney's dress (x)

[hereforthebrainrot]

never getting over this btw 😔

[you-dropped-this]

amazing for y’all to have spotted this, but has anyone mentioned the earrings?

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

[bpdohwhatajoy]

[freedelusionshere]

Scallop

Rene Gube, who also plays the former Ever GM on the show, wrote this episode.

Storer directed this episode.

The lyrics of the song seem to reflect and foreshadow Carmy's feelings about leaving.

There's blood in my ears And a fool in the mirror And the pain of mistakes couldn't get any clearer

She gives the scallop to Carmy right after, implying as others have said, that he has been watching her offscreen the entire time this scene plays.

This song is also an internal monologue about isolation and maybe being lost in introspection?

Her pleased reaction when he eats it and tells her it's perfect?

Ayo's subtle face acting in this whole scene is absolutely fantastic.

Obsessed with this scene. And the implication of what the scallop dish and the evolution of this dish means only adds to how loaded it is.

Also, Carmy is a very unreliable narrator.

[thetursithan]

Ah these children who always create problems for poor mothers....

[you-dropped-this]

these are not lethal animals they are storybook characters

[distinguishedbaloney]

[eilooxara]

Non cooking spray stick

[eilooxara]

Non spray stick cooking

[that-house]

Non cooking stick spray

[yeahokayillreblogthat]

yeah okay ill reblog that

[bringiton]

3.01 - "Tomorrow" THE BEAR (2022–)

[you-dropped-this]

From Carmy’s perspective, he delivered on his promise. Hear me out-

In s3 he enters into machine-mode to fulfil this promise; he won’t leave Syd alone to shoulder the burden of service again. He goes to the extreme, becoming tyrannical and overbearing in the kitchen while feelings of worthlessness and guilt have him spinning out of control.

He can’t possibly imagine her needing more from their partnership! What else is he good for? How many times has he received positive affirmation for his inner self? He believes he’s a machine incapable of providing anything more than cold utility.

But Syd needs Him. A partner. A confidante, a collaborator, a friend (maybe more), the person from s2e2.

How will he discover his worth, his ability to provide joy, in s4 while all his relationships lie in tatters? I haven’t a clue, but the question will haunt me until next season.

[thiscoldheart]

THE BEAR (2.09)