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@youaskwepep-blog
I don't need a pep but your tagline says I can ask dilemmas too. Do you think it is ever worth telling a friend you have feelings for them? Or are friendships not to be messed with?
In short, yes, I would say I think there are times when it is definitely worth it. Maybe read this on Rookie and see if that seems like something you want to do. This isn't all relevant but might also be helpful. Good luck!
What is some advice you have for women who want to write online? The voice in your head thatās asking how dare you is the voice produced by an environment thatās going to be challenged by your daring. The risk of undervaluing what you have to offer, especially for women of color, is so much greater than the risk of overvaluing it. Your contribution may not be grand, but its absence is going to be deeply felt and be part of a much greater void in our culture and history. What Iād recommend next is to find your women. Seek out and support, at all costs, women of color and put their testimony above all else. We have to go out of our way to support and value each other. Love is practice; you donāt gain expertise by never enacting it. Whether thatās liking a friendās selfie, not withholding a compliment from another woman, or publicly supporting a woman who is being publicly piled on to. That just barely approaches equalising what weāre up against. Ayesha Siddiqi: 'We need to stop waiting for permission to write' - The Guardian
say whatever you want about her, she never cut me out
So let's just pretend Everything and Anything between you and me Was never meant
Ask Polly: How Do I Make a Living As an Artist?
Here's what you need to remember: A job doesn't have to squelch your artistic pursuits. Before you go out looking for a job again, though, you MUST embrace and nurture and feed and defend the fact that YOU ARE AN ARTIST. You are an artist first and last. Being an artist is everything to you, it makes you happy, it keeps you glued together, and YOU ARE GOOD AT IT. This must be your personal religion. You can have balance in your life ā be a good mother, be a breadwinner, be a good wife, be a good person in general ā and still fervently believe in yourself as an artist. You can work at a fast-food joint or work as the CEO of a multinational company and also be an artist. Whatever you do to earn money should not compromise your commitment to your art. So, the first item on your agenda is to drop this idea that you're a failure simply because you don't make a living from your art. You can say, "Well, of course I don't REALLY believe that." But listen to me: You wrote it down. It's a part of what's blocking you. Expunge that from your vocabulary and instead, decide that YOU ARE AN ARTIST. Period. Repeat it until you believe it. People can roll their eyes all they want, but you still have to practice this religion passionately, and never give it up, for the rest of your life. - Ask Polly: How Do I Make a Living As an Artist
You're dreaming of someone and it's not me It's not me you're dreaming of
When youāre twenty years old, do you listen to a love that is ācalm, pondered, as if asleepā? Your age is not made for well-motivated decisions, and it seems to me you are looking more for excuses than advice. You admit that absence was enough to make you forget āa little bitā the man who, once you found him again, set you on fire. Couldnāt you try, using such efficient means, to forget him āa lotā? And at the same timeāhonesty invites youāfind the courage not to marry the fiancĆ© who only inspires in you lukewarm feelings. As far as I can see, he is lacking in insight and shrewdness. How can he not sense around you, around him, a presence, and thoughts, that are against him? Leave him be, the angel; and leave the tempter. Does my response not bring you the āpeaceā you crave? Excuse my frankness, but I canāt help remembering that you are twenty years old. And Iāve never been able to believe that peace is a good present to give a young woman.
Colette in an advice column, brought to my attention by Haley @ The Hairpin (via hazelcills)
GEORGIA OāKEEFFE (1887-1986) - SUNSET, LONG ISLAND
Only I get to be sickened by me
I am sorry for filling you with beer and bad thoughts and then asking you why you shook. I am sorry for pinching you, for hitting you, for bruising the thin-skinned parts of you. I am sorry for the names I called you when we were fighting. You are not ugly. You are not useless. You would not be better off gone. Iām sorry for almost throwing you out into the street because my sadness was too much for me. Iām sorry for carving my fingernails into your thigh and then resenting the way people asked, āHowād that happen?ā Iām sorry for plucking you and nicking your calves with drugstore razors. Iām sorry I let some people see you in the moonlight. They didnāt deserve to know the color of your hips like I do. Iām sorry for leaving you convulsing over a toilet bowl over some boy. Iām sorry I did not thank you for simply trying to take me where I wanted to go. Iām sorry I screamed at you to shrink, shrink, shrink when all you could do was grow. Iām sorry that this apology is ten years too late. Iām sorry that it will probably come again. Iām sorry that I do not treat anybody else as poorly as I have treated you. Iām sorry that I am constantly learning how to love you, when you have never once doubted how you feel about me. Iām sorry in ways I have not yet learned to communicate.
An Apology to My BodyĀ | Lora Mathis (via lora-mathis)
Stop looking at other people and setting your goals based on what you think their life is like.
Be aware that you are constantly bombarded with other peopleās lifeās highlights and in comparison your life will not seem as great.
Set goals and dreams for yourself, and donāt antagonize yourself over how your life āmeasures upā to those around you.
Your friends do not define you, but being in negative company can lead you to not be your best self
Life is not under your control and things do not always happen as planned, but in that chaos you control yourself and how you react to it.
Start planning, working towards, & saving up for the lifestyle you want. Do not wait for a partner, when they come they will fit into your life.
Your ārealā life does not begin when you get in a seriousĀ relationship. ThereĀ are so many experiences to be had alone too.
Speak of others the way you would if they were in front of you, this simplifies life, and reduces the negative energy you put out into the world.
It can all be over so fast and the plans of growing up with those you love can be interrupted by accidents, cancer, suicide, etc. You will realize you are not invincible and come to terms with your mortality and as a result you will let people in, and let them know often what they mean to you.
It does not necessarily get easier, but you become so much more stronger.
We shouldnāt call Perfume Genius's "Letterman" performance "brave", because we'd never accuse a straight dude of bravery just for dressing up the way he wants. Insisting on your gender transgressions in a world that wants to stamp them out of you isn't in itself "brave"; it's necessary and exhausting. It takes a lot of muscle. It takes stamina to stand under hot TV lights in perfect red lips and sing through clothes that aren't drag, aren't a costume, aren't supposed to be funny. And it takes a real streak of mischief to sing the words "no family is safe when I sashay" into the homes of families across America, and then sway like a motherfucker while your boyfriend hammers out a keyboard solo. What I'm saying is: You don't need to assimilate. You don't need to insist on an unremarkable masculinity just to be allowed to exist in culture as a queer person. You don't need to soothe heteropatriarchy's fraying ends. You don't need to ask for permission. Know Your Queen: Perfume Genius Queers Up Letterman, Pitchfork
Always remember
PEP: I'm scared to tell my crush I like them
Dear geln and Leah, I have a crush and I don't know what to do about it. Normally I'm super empowered and if there's someone I want to date, I respectfully ask them out, but this time I'm feeling awkward and useless. I just can't get over the fact I think she's going to reject me and I'm going to be embarrassed. I know she's queer, but I don't know if she's available. We don't ever see each other, so it's not like I'd have to deal with the rejection every day or anything, and we only have mutual acquaintances, who I hardly ever see either. I'm just really dragging my heels over asking her out even though I think she's super cool, super interesting and really attractive. Can you talk me back to my usual levels of badassery? Yours affectionately, Self-doubt Central
Thanks for that, SDC. I was gonna give me suggestion straight away but I think itāll help if u understand where Iām coming from first. Soā¦hereās my lil experience of this: Ok so I work in an office with 99% women and then thereās basically me, Lord Scampington himself. Welllllā¦.I am mates with all these amazing people and we talk in and out of office etc etc to varying degrees and I never really think of them romantically. However, there was one who I spoke to more than the others over a number of months. Letās call herā¦.Belinda. Now I honestly couldnāt tell that Belinda liked me, I just thought she wanted to be buds. She is very nice, strong, friendly, caring, attractive etc etc but just didnāt work for me. Alsoā¦I was seeing my now GFā¦letās call her Queen Scampiā¦.and I was/am p focused on her *love heart eyes emoji* so I was a lil bit closed for new things. ANYWAY, this continued for quite some time and eventually I was in Liverpool at this event and she was whatsapping me as I was getting ready and THEN suddenly this went down: Her: GlenN (2 Ns), can I ask your advice on something my friend just asked? Me: Sure, dunno what help Iāll be but ok! Her: Ok so I have a male friend who likes his female friend but this female friend is seeing someone else. Should he step up and tell her in the hope to start a relationship whilst being aware that if she isnāt interested, heāll have to suck it up and it might be awkward for a while. OR should he repress it and let her get on with her relationship happily. Me: Ohhh man. Iām not very good at this stuff sorry! *lol i never give this kinda advice in everyday life!!!* Her: Hmmm. 2 mins later Her: OK SO THOSE PPL IN THAT STORY WERE ME N U. I LIKE YOU. Ok so thatās how it went down. Kinda high-school way to go about it lol but you gotta do what you gotta do so fair play my son fair play m8. Now bear in mind I work with her in a tiny office etc etc so she unavoidable and we have to work closely day in day out. How I felt: I felt complimented cos sheās really nice and when isnāt it nice to be liked by nice ppl? AND I respected her more for stepping up to the plate and just GOING for it. So brave. Who doesnāt like brave people? So, I told her that thatās really nice etc etc but Iām afraid I really like Queen Scampi etc etc and we left it. EVERYTHING WAS FINE UP UNTIL THIS POINT Sooooo. The next day I turned up to work earlyā¦who was in the officeā¦.yep, Belinda. Now IMO it should have only been awkward for the first few mins and then weād just carry on as normal or as near as possible and laugh at it etc etc. BUT where I think it fell down for me was that she totally blanked me (prob cos she didnāt want to think about me/might have been hurt or embarrassed/other feelings that sheās entitled to) and it suddenly felt way more awkward between us than it needed to be (to me, at least) and then I resented her telling me this because our relationship as friends had just been ruined and we didnāt speak any more :( SO, my first bit of advice would be to not quell those feelings. Donāt repress something so positive and beautiful. I think most ppl would be absolutely flattered if you said to them āhey, I like youā, so donāt deprive them/you of that. Once itās out there, itās out. IF she says she likes you, too, (who wouldnāt????) then woohoo - youāve positioned yourself as an honest, loving, expressive person. Perfect. IF she says that she doesnāt feel the same way/is in a relationship etc etc, my advice would be to say thatās totally understandable and that it was worth the risk (ANOTHER COMPLIMENT FOR THEM) and then just swag it out and keep doing you - again, you still present yourself as honest, loving, expressive. Cool. Now this links into my last bit of advice that Iām still struggling to live by. And it is what Iām formatively calling THE SWAG FACTOR. Essentially TSF is based on confidence. Or more specifically: the portrayal of confidence. Think of confident people you know. For me, the majority of those people are the most honest, most out there, and most embarrassing (in a good way) people. They give so many less fucks and just do themselves. And because of that a hugeeeeee vortex opens up in them and everyone is sucked in closer to them and their beauty. My prime example of this is Ilana Glazer. She is constantly swagging out everything she does and because of this even the more embarrassing things she does become cool and acceptable because sheās honest about them and expressive. Idk. I donāt think Iāve done TSF any favour here with my lack of eloquence but hopefully you feel me. SO... Tell them (in the right way) Listen to their response Respond (in the right way) Swag out My experience is that you regret it more if you don't do it than if you do. But itās scary, I get that. But youāre strong and have really good friends to support you if you feel bad after. Good luck either way :)))))
x
wonāt you celebrate with me what i have shaped into a kind of life? i had no model. born in babylon both nonwhite and woman what did i see to be except myself? i made it up here on this bridge between starshine and clay, my one hand holding tight my other hand; come celebrate with me that everyday something has tried to kill me and has failed.
Lucille Clifton
There are times when we are lying in bed and I look over and sort of have a start. Because I realize here is this other person who is separate and different and has different memories and backgrounds and thoughts and feelings. Itās that tension between familiarity and mystery that makes for something strong, because, even as you build a life of trust and comfort and mutual support, you retain some sense of surprise or wonder about the other person.
Strangers in the Dark, Rookie
I was born in Reading, Pennsylvania on December 13, 1989. In the world we live in, much is said about when we are born and when we die. Our birthday is celebrated every year to commemorate the very instant we came into a world, and a funeral is held to mark the day we leave it. But lately Iāve been wonderingā¦ what can be said of all the moments in between our birth and death? The moments when we are rebornā¦ The debate over whether people can change is an interesting one for me to observe because it seems like all I ever do is change. All I ever do is learn from my mistakes so I donāt make the same ones again. Then I make new ones. I know people can change because it happens to me little by little every day. Every day I wake up as someone slightly new. Isnāt it wild and intriguing and beautiful to think that every day we are new? For the last few years, Iāve woken up every day not wanting, but needing to write a new style of music. I needed to change the way I told my stories and the way they sounded. I listened to a lot of music from the decade in which I was born and I listened to my intuition that it was a good thing to follow this gut feeling. I was also writing a different storyline than Iād ever told before. I wrote about moving to the loudest and brightest city in the world. The city I had always been overwhelmed byā¦ until now. I think you have to know who you are and what you want in order to take on New York and all its blaring truth. I wrote about the thrill I got when I finally learned that love. To some extent, itās just a game of cat and mouse. I wrote about looking back on a lost love and understanding that nothing good comes without loss and hardship and constant struggle. There is no āriding off into the sunsetā like I used to imagine. We are never out of the woods, because we are always going to be fighting for something. I wrote about love that comes back to you just when you thought it was lost forever, and how some feelings never go out of style. I wrote about an important lesson I learned recentlyā¦ that people can say whatever they want about me, but they canāt make me lose my mind. Iāve learned how to shake things off. Iāve told you my stories for years now. Some have been coming of age. Some have been about coming undone. This is a story about coming into your own, and as a resultā¦ coming alive. I hope you know that youāve given me the courage to change. I hope you know that who you are is who you choose to be, and that whispers behind your back donāt define you. You are the only one who gets to decide what you will be remembered for. From the girl that said she would never cut her hair or move to New York or find happiness in a world where she is not in loveā¦ Love, Taylor.
The first page of Taylor Swiftās 1989 lyric booklet. (via youareinloves)
