You see, Ace and Soda were always close. Soda was close to a lot of people. And every person had a special bond with him. He had a special bond with each person. But Ace and Soda. They were something different. They were family. But not the way that Pony or Darry were. (Something to note is that Soda understands everybody. But he’s found over the years though, not everybody really truly understands him. Not like Ace, at least.) Ace Evans is the only person who knows that Sodapop Curtis and Chet Baker broke it off on a rainy Wednesday night.
If you asked Soda about his childhood, or a specific moments from his childhood, he could tell you some things. But likely, he would try to avoid the subject. Because a lot of things he doesn't remember. Sometimes Ponyboy or Darrel will talk about things and for some reason Soda's brain starts to hurt and tears fill his eyes because why can't he remember this? Sodapops brain is always fuzzy, but nothing makes him feel more useless than not being able to remember something so simple. A conversation he had just hours ago. A memory he supposedly shared with his momma. That one word that's on the tip of his tongue. It's all just so stupid. Stupid and fucked up.
There is this one memory, though, that he could remember clear as day. He was playing baseball at the diamonds by the school. Momma and dad couldn't afford to put him on the team with all the other second graders in his grade, but sometimes one of them would drop him off at the fields to play around. Soda remembers one of the kids that was always there too. He didn't have to go up to him and ask for a buddy. No, not this time. This time Chet Baker went up to Sodapop Curtis and asked to play ball together. Soda’s always the one to have to ask! This was the first time he felt like someone saw him.
Soda and Chet. They were some duo. Since that day in second grade that they met, they were inseparable. Soda had Steve and Two-bit and Johnny and Ace at home, but Chet was somethin special. They had this way. They didn't have to speak to know. But they did anyway. Cause Soda loved to talk. And Chet understood. Because he had to always be moving. And when Soda wasn't talking and Chet wasn't moving, that's how they knew something was wrong. Not because of what they did. The two got told a lot by outsiders that something was wrong with them. But they knew that that wasn't true!
Soda felt real dumb sometimes. A lot of times. But never with Chet. He couldn’t read. All the words and letters on the paper got mixed up. It made his brain hurt. And it felt like his chest was being squeezed real hard every time he had to read. Chet was a smart kid. He made all the grades. And normally that would make Soda feel bad about himself, but not with Chet. They had the whole universe to talk about and explore! So they didn't really focus too much on school. Only when they needed to be sad. Which sometimes Soda felt bad about being sad when he was at home with his friends. But not with Chet! Never with Chet!
This is how they grew up. Loving each other. Soda still had his family at home. His family. They would always be his family. He loved them to pieces. He had Ace, Steve, Two-bit, Johnny, Dally. He had Momma, Dad, Darry, and Pony. They were all his favorite people and he would fall apart without anyone of them. Soda was made up of these people. His family. But there was just something different about Chet. Like if he lost him, he would do a whole lot more than just fall apart.
In fifth grade Chet kissed Soda on the cheek. But they were only friends. Just best friends. A greaser and a Soc. Best friends. They didn’t talk much in school. They didn't see each other a whole lot in that building. Maybe that's for the best. A greaser and Soc wouldn't normally hang out. And hold hands. And rest each other's heads on the others shoulders. Or run along the tracks till it got dark and they could sit on the dead grass and make up stories about the stars. No, greasers and Socs don't normally do that.
Life continued like that for a while. In eighth grade, though, all the boys in their grade had girls. Soda already felt stupid enough without the problem of not being like everyone else. So sometimes when Soda and Ace walked home after school, or they went to the diner, he would pretend like they were dating. He hoped others saw them. He would hold her extra close and flirt with her a little bit too. He didn't really want that though. She didn't like that either. They both knew this about each other. One particular night after Ace and Soda split ways after sitting at the park for a little bit after school, Ace went home and Soda headed to the field. No one was there and he didn't have a bat, so he just sat on the bench. Thinking. As much as Soda loved talking, he hated to think. His mind did a lot of loops and the words and pictures turned scary and got all mixed up kind of like the letters on paper. He just couldn't catch a break from that, could he?
“Hey.” Soda didn't jump from the voice. Because the person who just sat next to him couldn't be anyone but his person. He could recognize him by the way his hand felt on his leg and his smell.
“I don’t like Ace, y’know?”
“I know. Let’s head to the tracks.” So they got up and they headed to the tracks. They didn’t talk but there weren’t any street lights near them and it was dark out so they did hold hands. And once they got to the tracks they walked along them a little bit and Soda was just so caught up in his thoughts still that he wasn’t so aware of how they ended up on the grass together.
“Yeah yeah, you know how my head is.”
“Yeah I know.” A few seconds. “I love you Sodapop.” A few seconds. Lips on each other in the dark. Pull apart.
“I love you Chet. Like how I’m supposed to like Ace. I don't like Ace though. She doesn't like me neither. I promise.”
“I don't think we are supposed to like each other, Chet. I’m a greaser. You’re a Soc.” A little laugh because to hell with that. They are both boys!
“Yeah Soda, I know. But I love you. Like I’m supposed to like Marcia. But I like you a lot. And I've never felt like that about someone but you.”
“Me too.” And so they kissed one more time. And then they laid down on the grass, held hands, and made up stories about the stars. And then Soda started crying. It started as just silent tears rolling down his cheeks, and then grew into sobs. And boy did that cause an ache in the other boys heart.
“Hey Soda?” Chet sat up, and encouraged Soda to as well. “What's going on in that head of yours?”
Soda didn't speak for a few minutes. But then he did. “I just feel. I don't know. But by golly Chet, I just feel so stupid. I’m just so stupid. And something in my head. My head is so fucking messed up. No one knows. No one can. They can try to understand but my head. My head is so messed up. It’s not wired right or somethin. I’m so stupid and somethin ain’t right, Chet. I can’t read and write, I can’t shut up, I’m always messin’ somethin up, and. And. I don't know. I like a boy when I’m meant to like a girl?”
“Oh, honey..” And Chet was crying too. He took Soda into a hug and Soda cried into his chest.
“And I really do like you! I love you Chet! Just sometimes my mind ain't so light.” Some more sobs.
“I know honey, I know.” And Soda felt so loved. So seen. It made him cry some more. And eventually the night became later and Soda suggested they head home.
“Chet, why don’t you stay the night? We can stay in my room!” Soda knew that the reason Chet was out so late is because of his father. Probably. And he had a small room, but he grew to stop being ashamed of it a while ago. Chet had slept over before and it was the funnest time ever. They were older now, but that's alright.
“Yeah Soda, that sounds nice. As long as you're sure your momma wouldn't mind.”
“Oh you know she wouldn't!”
And this continued for a couple more years. They helped each other out. They navigated life together. They cried and laughed and understood.
It’s now the beginning of sophomore year. Soda was struggling real bad in school. His head was messing with him a lot. But he learned how to mask these feelings. He learned how to be okay and make others smile. He had a part time job now at the DX. He stopped going to the diamond so much, but him and Chet still met up. They even started skipping classes sometimes. Or they would meet at lunch and go to a diner. They shared kisses and touches at night. They went to Chet’s when his father wasn't home. Chet came to the Curtis’ house a lot too. Just like when him and Soda were real little. The gang got used to having him around again. Mrs. and Mr. Curtis took him in with open arms. In fact, Mrs. Curtis probably knew. Looking back on it, Soda thinks she definitely did. But at the time, the only person that Soda was aware knew something was going on was Ace. Ace knew everything about Soda. And in return, he knew everything about her.
It took him a while to finally admit to her why he was smiling so much. Why other nights he came home kinda sad. But the summer after eighth grade, they were at the park where you could find them a lot. Soda was about ready to split and head towards the diamonds where he knew Chet would be.
“Soda. I think you have something to tell me.” Right! Yeah. Of course. Right.
“Uhhh. Man, you really have a way with words, don’t you.” Why was he nervous? This is Ace for god sake! Something in the way that she looked at him and the way that they were talking with each other earlier and the blood that they didn't quit share, but almost did, made him know that she wouldn’t care. Jesus christmas, Soda. This is Ace. She doesn’t give a shit about who you kiss.
“Soda.. please.” And she was desperate just because for the longest time they shared everything with each other. She already knew. She isn’t stupid like the others. She just wants him to be the one to tell her. To settle the small gaping hole that has started to form in her chest.
“Chet and me like each other.” Now it’s out there. In the air. “Like how I’m supposed to like you, Ace. I think we love each other. We’ve kissed. On the lips.” How inspiring.
“I just wanted you to tell me. I thought you were going to start to replace me and break our promise. I don’t give a shit who you kiss. I love you Sodapop.” And they were hugging now because god did Soda appreciate and love Ace Evans!
“I couldn’t replace you even if I tried, Ace. And I wouldn’t ever try that.”
“Alright Sodacan, you can meet up with your boyfriend now!” She laughed and gave him a light shove.
So now every time Chet was over at the house, Ace’s chest wasn’t quite as full of jealousy as it was before. Because she could say for sure that the bond her and Soda shared was not the same that Chet and him shared. They both made each other happy in their own unique and special ways.
Then, things got darker. The light from Sodas eyes dimmed the first bit when his parents died. But the thing is, he still had Ace and Chet, and the rest of the family. Each of these people showed up for Soda and made him feel loved and seen in these times. And in return Soda was there for them as well. And life continued. Soda dropped out of school. He continued to see Chet. They shared laughs and tears and kisses and touches. Sometimes they shared drinks when Soda really needed a distraction. Drinks and beds and bare skin. They were always careful though. Still, no one knew but Ace and maybe even Marcia. Each a sister to either one. A sister that could understand.
Chet stopped coming over to the Curtis’ after Sodas parents died. They now only met up by the tracks and Chet’s house. Sometimes Chet would skip school, or some to the DX after class to watch Soda work.
Slowly, Soda became less present. Chet couldn’t say he didn’t understand. Because he knew the shit Soda was going through. He could hardly imagine. But it made him sad sometimes. He could tell that Sodas laughs weren’t as real as before. He stopped smiling with his eyes. And that was hard. Soda started coming over a lot more at night. He came intoxicated (which was never like before). And they shared a lot more touches and bare skin. It’s nothing that Chet never consented to. He loved making love with Soda. Because he could really and truly say it was love. And it was for love. And they felt good together. They fit like puzzle pieces. And sometimes when they were done and Soda had fallen asleep, Chet would look at him and the marks on his neck and his beautiful body and he would feel so lucky. And he would hurt for Soda and the shit he had been dealt. Eventually the undressing each other and hands on his thighs and rough kissing started to feel a lot more like a distraction from that shit life. But that was okay with Chet. Because Soda had helped him through so much. Soda is the kind of person to help anyone in need, and know exactly how they need that help. And all Chet wanted was to return that favor. So he did.
Chet ran into Ace on the streets one day.
“He’s slipping away.” He said, stopping near her after they made eye contact and he knew he needed to say something.
“Yeah. I know.” She sighed a little. Of course she knew. If Soda loved anyone in life, it was Ace.
“I don’t know what to do.” His voice got caught in his throat. Ace looked at him with sad eyes.
“He‘s just. He’s not doing the best right now, Chet. He’s hardly getting out of bed. I notice him disappearing at night. Life’s been shit to him. To all of us. But especially him. You gotta understand that”
“I know that Ace!” The anger surprised him a little bit. “You don’t think I know that? I’m the one giving into his touch every night. I’m the one who keeps opening the door for him. Who smells his breath full of beer every night. I’m the one who touches him and kisses him like he wants it. I’m th-“ He doesn’t get to finish before his shirt is in the girls hands and he’s forced to look down at her.
“But that’s not what he wants, Chet. That’s not what he godamn wants! He won’t talk to me anymore and I know for a fact that you’re the only person he will talk to. But I can see it in his eyes. For gods sake Chet, Soda and me aren’t blood, but we are family. And if you think I don’t know him better than you, you’re wrong. Soda wants to be seen right now. Not felt. If you stopped feeling the love in your sex a long time ago, then so did he. So maybe it’s been a routine that he shows up at your house and you undress him and do whatever the hell it is you guys do. But if that’s not what you want anymore, than it’s not what he wants either. He loves you Chet. Sometimes I think you’re the only person he’s ever truly loved.” And with that her voice cracks too. And she turns around before Chet can see the tears in her eyes. She covers her mouth before the sob can escape her.
And Chet stops opening the door. He stops going to the DX and walking the tracks. He ignores the sound of Sodas cries outside of his house and the phone calls. At school, he wonders why Steve keeps staring at him. But that’s a stupid thing to wonder. Because that’s Sodapops family. So he’s not surprised when one day, eventually, Steve walks right up to him and beats him in the face real good.
Soda started sitting at the baseball diamonds again. He would sit there and think. He would think about the memory’s he couldn’t really remember but mostly the ones he could. And all the ones he could with the person who has now shut him out are starting to make his head hurt and heart sink. They are becoming harder for him to remember the details. And that frustrated him something aweful. He’s forgetting Chet’s lips the same way he’s started to forget his Mommas voice.
He wishes more than anything to be a kid at the baseball diamonds again. Just playing ball with his new friend. When things were less complicated. But that was then. This is now.
Then Johnny got jumped. Pony next. And after that Pony and Johnny ran away and Soda had no way of knowing where they were besides the suspicion that Dally had a clue. And he had to be there to pick up his older brother because Darry had been picking up Soda for the past few months now. Ace had stopped coming around so much lately and that hurt Soda. It made him worried and scared and stupid. Sodas mind was getting more fuzzy and he was spirlaing pretty bad.
It was dark out and rainy too so the stars were hard to see. He knocked on the door of the big house on the West Side that he could only dream of. He felt sick. Sick and scared and stupid. The door opened. And the boy he loves started right back at him. His person. And Chet stepped outside in the rain. But even in the rain, he could tell the difference between the tears and water that fell from the sky. So he pulled Soda in for a hug. And he whispered in the broken boys ear.
“I’m done. I can’t do this anymore.”
And he pulled Soda inside and Sodas eyes were glass. His stupid head was filled with no thoughts. No memories. No words.
Chet pulled him into bed and they undressed each other one last time. And then when they were finished, he told the other boy to leave. So Soda walked home in the rain. He couldn’t even look up at the sky and make stories out of the stars because no stars dared to shine tonight.
When he got home, Ace was sleeping on the couch. But once the door shut she sat up and saw him enter. He was absolutely broken. Nothing about him was still together. He had done something much more than just fall apart. Ace knew what happened. She wasn’t dumb. She helped Soda undress from his wet clothes. She took a shirt off of him that wasn’t his own. And suddenly she was so angry with the boy who lived on the other side of the tracks. They really all were that shitty, huh? It was nearly one o’clock on a dark Thursday morning but she ran a bath for him and sat in the bathroom while Soda warmed up and felt nothing at all.
This was her brother. Sodapop Curtis and Ace Evans. They had always had something special. They felt for each other. They knew each other. And they would do anything for each other. Right now, Ace vowed to make sure Soda didn’t lose himself through this. Because a year ago when Ace went through this same thing in her own way, Sodapop made sure she didn’t lose herself.
Eventually Ponyboy came back and Johnng was in the hospital and they had a rumble. And Chet fought Soda. Or maybe Soda fought Chet. And suddenly, all the memories they shared were clear to Soda. They weren’t gone. They were there. But he didn’t want to remember. Not now. Not ever. He was angry. So so so angry. He felt sick. Chet could tell the difference between the rain and tears running down Sodas cheeks. And that just made him mad. He used that to flip Soda to the ground and for a second he could pretend like they were in his bedroom on one of the many nights that his father wasn’t home. But this time he didn’t kiss Sodas neck. Instead he punchd him and punched him across his face.
“I bet you like that, don’t you?”
But Soda wasn’t fighting back. And that frustrated Chet even more. So he kept going even when Sodas sobs could be heard over all the rumble. He knew it wasn’t because of the punches being thrown. No. Sodapop Curtis was crying because he loves Chet Baker. And Chet Baker was hearing up that same boy because he is in love with Sodapop Curtis.
It took Twobit to pull Chet off of Soda while Aced turned to direct all the anger she had ever felt in he life towards him. Steve right along side her. It took Darrel and Dallas to pull Soda up off the ground. The rumble was over. But this wasn’t about the rumble anymore. Ponyboy stood watching this scene with a deep ache in his chest.
None of them would ever know the whole story. None of them but Ace. They wouldn’t understand even if they tried. But that was okay with Soda. They all had each other. Because then Johnny Cade and Dallas Winston died. And they needed to stick by one another more than ever. They were a family. A family that was dealt too many shit carda.
But Ace and Soda. They were something special. Sometimes it felt like they only had each other. Like everyone else left. They were soulmates. Really and truly. But not the way that Soda thought him and Chet were. Le the way that Ace thought her and Marcia were. No. Sodapop Curtis and Ace Evans were a story that was written in the stars.
ALL THE MOODBOARDS I INCLUDED IN THIS WERE DONE BY @cherrycolacowboy ❕❕ Thank you thank you, thank you again!
OKAY. I’ve been up writing this for hours because once I started I could not stop. Forgive me if there are errors because there definitely are.
