You Might Be a Pseudo-Dom @youmightbeapseudo-dom - Tumblr Blog

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thebimbowitch

Hey tumblr kink baby:

• remember to take time off from the screen

• remember that you are a human being who deserves respect

• remember that dominance as bdsm play should ALWAYS feel good, and you should ALWAYS feel safe to say NO.

• walk away from any conversation or person who makes you feel like you can’t trust your own feelings

• walk away from anyone who makes you feel unsafe to express your needs and feelings

• always make sure your play partners understand the concept of consent

• no piece of dick / pussy is worth the trauma of having someone taking advantage of you

haveuseenmyhalo

Write this Down

Dominance is not about control over a submissive. Dominance is about leading and the submissive following. These words have been said thousands of times by thousands of people. I suspect it will continue to be said for many years to come. Submissives do not seek people to control them. They seek a leader that proves time and time again that they are qualified to follow. Mistakes happen. Wrong decisions are made. It’s how you handle those decisions that make you reliable and trustworthy.

dualwieldingsapphic

aftercare is part of sex and anyone telling you otherwise is too immature for you

bad-days-are-ok

tiktoks-repost

SOMEONE will advocate for you

onelittlekingdom

Dominance does not include pushing people past their current boundaries/levels of comfort. If the human you are talking to is doing this, that is all you need to know. NOT A DOM.

nolongersilkbox

In order to stop the culture of faking orgasms, we need to stop the culture of shaming others for their sexual experiences.

Can’t get your partner off on the first try? Cool. You can still be thoughtful and make them feel good.

Can get your partner off within 30 seconds? Awesome, good for you both, don’t let it get to your head.

Can make someone cum in less than 5, but for others, it’s a process that takes an hour? That’s alright, everyone’s different.

Does it take you 30 minutes to cum? That’s okay, you’re not broken, you’re not a failure.

Does it take you 10 seconds to cum? That’s great, you’re not a slut, you’re not overly sensitive or dirty.

Can’t cum without toys/vibrators? That’s awesome, that’s a valid part of sexual play!

Can only cum with loving, vanilla sex? That’s perfectly normal, and you will find lots of great partners to experience that with!

Can’t orgasm at all? THAT’S ALSO COOL. It’s not a bad thing, you can still enjoy sex TONNES just like others.

Orgasms are NOT the defining characteristic of your sexual prowess. They are great, they’re lovely when they happen, but for the love of science, stop bringing them up higher than they need to be.

oldenoughtobeyourfather

This one’s a pretty big deal. “Did you come?”

No, but it still felt great

Yes, and it felt really great

Yes, but coming isn’t that big a deal for me

No, can you keep going?

Yes, can you keep going?

No, do you want to watch me get myself off?

Yes, but don’t get a big head about it – I come so easily it doesn’t matter what you do.

No, but I bet I can get you up again

Yes, but I’d rather keep edging because I always get a huge drop after coming and it really puts me off sex for a while

No, thank you, orgasm denial leaves me deliciously horny for days

No, and I’m really frustrated, let’s brainstorm how to change that

All of these are fucking awesome answers. Including the last one. They’re also 100% legitimate answers. Including the last one.

Only the last one is even a little bit “negative,” and, really, how bad, arrogant, or egocentric a lover do you have to be that you’d rather not know when your partner says “here are some great ways to help me come next time, lover?”

If on the other hand you’re going to panic or be unhappy about that last answer then you’re not a bad lover (no shame either way) but your sex life will be less workable. With the result that you’ll continue having, well, the same result.

To be honest, whether you or your partner comes isn’t the most important thing about sex. It’s whether you’re both satisfied afterwards. The only trick being that

You get to decide what “satisfied” means for you

You don’t get to decide what “satisfied” means for your partner(s.)

Asking “did you come” isn’t really the right question. “Does this work for you” is way healthier. That’s the culture we want to look for and encourage.

—

P.S. Your partner isn’t a video game. His or her orgasms aren’t a boss fight. The question you want to ask isn’t “did I beat the previous high score” but “would you like to play again.”

sonretout

Truth

sleepyspacebb

your kink life does NOT belong is public spaces. if you can’t get consent from everyone in the space who may come along, you need to take it elsewhere.

sleepyspacebb

people keep reblogging this lately and i just have to say one thing:

this isn’t just in case kids see it. this is also in case other adults see it. yes, kids shouldn’t be exposed, AND adults who aren’t consenting to seeing your kink life and practices shouldn’t be exposed.

just be fucking smart.

petitedeviant

How do you manage your lifestyle with children?

Pretend we’re vanilla adults who go out drinking with friends - they don’t bring their kids. And when vanilla adults have sex, their kids are not around. And if vanilla adults need a night off solo, the other adult steps up.

Sounds normal and healthy right?

And then just shift it a bit - when we go out with friend it’s usually sexier than drinks. And when we have sex away from our kids it’s kinky. And when we need a night to hang with other partners, we make it happen.

As long as you have a solid understanding of healthy boundaries and a decent babysitting support network, you too can have a kinky lifestyle while being a parent and it isn’t weird at all!

thechronicfuckingmasochist

cheating in polyamorous or nonmonogamous relationships happens when...

a person hasnt consented to the introduction of a new partner to the relationship but the partner is integrated into the polycule anyway by any methods. (coercion, deceit, etc.)

a party does something they know their partner doesnt feel comfortable with without discussing it with them to work out the discomfort

a party does something they think their partner is uncomfortable with, in front of or behind their back

the guidelines of the relationship are disrespected in a way that violates trust

(ironically, each of these are the same way that cheating happens in monogamous relationships. it is NOT rocket science!)

unpretty

not to be tmi but i was so relieved as a teen when i figured out that my masturbatory fantasies and my actual sex life had literally nothing to do with each other, nor did they need to

i was terrified i was going to end up getting hurt but it turns out when you’re having actual sex with an actual person the things that do it for you can be completely different

i have had plenty of great sex that i’m still not going to fantasize about because when it’s just me thinking about it and not an actual person doing it, it’s not hot anymore

there are plenty of things that in real life are actually just uncomfortable and not arousing at all and i will never do them, but even if i’ve tried it and decided it’s not for me it’s still gonna show up in fantasies because it’s still hot to think about

i mean it sounds stupid and obvious but i spent years either trying to stop myself from finding things hot (spoiler it don’t work), or else letting people convince me that fantasies were talking the talk and obligated me to try walking the walk

nakedinasnowsuit

Aren't you in a D/s relationship? How do you manage that without doing anything kinky in public? Or are you not 24-7? I'm not trying to be rude I'm genuinely curious

I am! We manage it easily, because Sir knows what he’s doing and isn’t an idiot or a creep! Without getting too into it here are examples:

I don’t open doors for myself

I don’t order my own food

I ask permission to do anything that requires me to leave his sight

If food needs to be dished out or something I serve him

I also arrange his napkin and utensils if necessary

bush-league-junky

As a (her) dominant, I would like to add that D/s is about much, much more than simply sex and/or the activities most people associate with being “kinky.”

This is especially true for D/s relationships, like ours, which are 24/7. When we are out in public, along with the examples she listed above, we have plenty of protocols, which, if/when observed by others, look mostly like the behavior of a regular couple. Except, to us, those protocols are very deliberate, meaningful, and act as constant reminders of our dynamic.

Being kinky in public does not have to include anything sexual whatsoever. This isn’t a fantasy novel, written by a thoughtless author with no regard to the consent of other people. This is a 24/7, D/s relationship, crafted with the help of nearly 10 years of experience and learning from both mistakes and successes (as well as the un-learning of what most of the internet thinks about kink and D/s).

keptmathilda

^ This exactly.

D/s is independent from kink (in the sense of non-vanilla sexuality), is independent from sexuality in every form, is independent from the public, is independent from outdoor activities or publicity of any kind, is independent from toys and tools (like whips, plugs, cuffs etc), is independent from micro management (like rules about everything, asking permission for everything, total dependency etc), is independent from anything that is not necessary to establish a power-hierarchy between any number of people in some type of relationship.

You read and hear this so often, not only on Tumblr but everywhere online and offline, that people mistake the tools and techniques that are used in an individual dynamic for the Dynamic itself. D/s, ie Domination/submission, is a relationship-dynamic, in which the involved partners don’t have equal power over some or (almost) all things. D/s means “power-hierarchy”. Someone is dominant, has more power, and someone is submissive, has less power. That’s it.

What exactly you do with this power, or allow to be done, is individually different and there are literally as many possibilities as there are D/s Dynamics in the world.

You can have sex or no sex, kinky sex or vanilla sex, use sex toys or not, do rules and punishments or not, S&M or no S&M, wear a plug or cuffs or never wear anything at all or only wear normal clothing, do domestic service or pet play or nothing like this at all, and so on. This all only describes what you do with the power inequality, how you express it, but it’s not constituents for it, it’s not necessary to have one, to “be D/s”.

D/s isn’t what you DO, it’s who you ARE and where you stand in relation to your partner.

onelittlekingdom

What's your suggestions for a first time daddy dom with making rules for my little?

October 31, 2019

Start small. One rule for health. One rule for goals. One rule for pure kinky fun. Let those run for a little while. When you are bored with three rules, or find times where the call for a new rule jumps out at you during your dynamic, add more rules. Let it build organically like that. You will end up with better rules than you would if you tried to block them all out at the start of the dynamic before you know all the things about your new sub. Good Luck

thatbutterflybaby

If you punish your sub for using their safeword you don’t deserve to be a dom

If you punish your sub for using their safeword YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE A DOM

afronerdism

Why you should never buy sex toys on Amazon.

I see people on here all the time talking about buying sex toys on Amazon so it’s time to run through this again. I know it may seem like you’re saving money but when something seems too good to be true it usually is.

The main reason you shouldn’t buy sex toys on Amazon is that, unlike buying from reputable retailers, you have absolutely no garuntee that the product you’re buying hasn’t been used, returned, and resold. The sex you industy in America is almost completely unregulated so really can’t trust amazon to hold better business practices than legally required. People have found bodily fluid and pubic hair on toys purchased from Amazon.

'Some had bodily fluids on them, and some even had pubic hairs."

The second biggest reason is that you’re more than likely buying an expensive knock off labeled as a brand name item. The way the amazon marketplace works is by sorting items with the same bar code name into the same catagory. So let’s say you want a wi vibe so you pay for one but what happens is that amazon doesn’t log a difference between a brand name Wi-vibe and a knock off from China. They’re both just labeled “wi-vibe” so you pay for a quality item and get a cheap knock off. So you may think you’re getting a high quality item for $50 but instead you’re getting a $10 look alike that will die and malfunction quickly. Imagine paying for a Lelo (the most luxury sex toy brand) and getting something nothing like that.

Buying sex toys from Amazon is risky. I get a lot of complaints about counterfeit sex toys, misrepresentation in brand/materials and even us

And lastly, it’s not safe for you! Because the chances of you getting a knock off are so high, it’s very likely that you’ll get something made out of harmful materials. A lot of the sex toys made cheaply in China and places like that have no body safe regulations on materials so not only could you pay for a brand name item and not get it , but you might actually get something that could make you sick or even poison you. Some toys will even leak oils and chemicals when exposed to water or fluids.

Amazon's Sexual Wellness section is chock-full of sex toys, but it's a mixed bag, with ple

In summation, buying from Amazon is NOT safe for you, will most likely rip you off, and you could even be getting used products.

Below I’m listing Dangerous Lily’s list of best places to buy. I recommend reading her reviews before purchasing anything expensive.

Where to buy:

SheVibe

Early to bed

Smitten Kitten

Good Vibes

Come as you are

Be vibrant

HotOctopuss

And directly from the brand retailor like we-vibe, Lelo, body wand, etc.

afronerdism

Apparently the sale of sex toys on amazon have spiked since everyone is stuck at home so I’m bringing this back as a PSA.

glitterandsalt

PS: a LOT of third party sellers on Amazon have jumped onto the sex toy bandwagon and are offering “free” toys for reviewing - but the thing is they ask you for your Paypal so you can make an order, give them the order number, and then refund the amount thru Paypal.

This is sales padding and it’s reportable to the FTC, they’re having you pose as an actual customer but refunding you behind the scenes so its “free”. It’s a scam to boost their numbers.

If a company or online store wants you to review products for free, it will actually be 100% free and there will be no talk of placing orders and being refunded for them.

submissivefeminist

[any reason for a limit is valid]

sleepyspacebb

fun fact: you aren’t actually a good dom if you don’t listen to your submissive

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