please do not scroll, this is a very important message that ALL ENGENES must do if we want heeseung back.
as most of you might know, heeseung has "decided" to leave the group to focus on his solo career. BUT, this is not true.
heeseung DID NOT decide to leave the group, he was forced to. he was apparently seen crying and "crashing out" in a hybe hallway which CLEARLY shows it was not his decision. to add on, just a few days ago he was speaking about the world tour coming up, and participating in activities and events LIKE NORMAL. it was be so weird just for him to leave like that.
ENGENE, we are a team. we can bring heeseung back. for example, MARK FROM NCT. he left the group exactly like this but came back due to the FANS PROTESTS. WE CAN DO THIS FOR HEESEUNG ASWELL! PLEASE DO THIS SO OUR HEE CAN COME BACK.
THIS IS NOT FAIR! OTHER ARTISTS LIKE: YEJI FROM ITZY, TWICE MEMBERS, TXT MEMBERS, BTS MEMBERS AND MANY MORE ARTISTS ARE ALLOWED TO PURSUE THEIR SOLO CAREER WHILE BEING IN A GROUP. BUT NOT HEESEUNG??
we all call for heeseung's return while ALLOWING HIM THE FREEDOM TO PURSUE HIS SOLO CAREER.
Duke was a little confused of what Jillian had told him. "Ako? Sa flower shop?" He asked himself, still in shock maybe? He grabbed his car keys and decided to go to his mother, thinking she might know what's the answer to his question.
The maids greet him once he stepped his foot out his car and went to his mother who's silently drinks her tea. Duke sighed and took the seat beside her. He looked at her once, twice, thrice until his mother spoke. "What's goin' on inside your pretty little head, my young Duke?" She asked while her eyes are still on the magazine she's been reading.
"Do I have a brother?" Her eyes went wide after she heard her son's question. She gulped and looked back to his son's questioning eyes. Then she remembered the same face of the baby she left. Duke's twin brother.
"Mom, please answer my question." He said, slowly losing his patience.
"Yes, you do." She finally answered that made him shock this time. "You two are very identical because you're twins." She added.
"Why didn't you tell me?..." He asked in devastated tone then brushed his hair using his fingers. "So you had a husband before Daddy? And you left them? Why, mommy? Why?"
And this time, this was the first time he saw his mother broke down in tears as he asked those questions. Him too, it felt like the walls he made for his emotions just broke down. He never thought that he has a brother before, not until Jillian told him. Of course, he was happy. But the question is, will his brother be happy to see him? After what his mother did to him.
"And also... The father I know right now, is not my real father, right?" She then slowly shook her head as her response to Duke's question.
"I had you and Sebastian before leaving your father. And yes, his name's Sebastian. I want to name him Dean Azhrel, but then I changed my mind kasi baka malito ako, that's why he's Mark Sebastian." She said in her quiet tone, gripping the magazine she's holding.
"I... Left them with you kasi I never wanted to have life like them. We were never poor, just average." She added that made him glared at her.
"That reason is stupid, you know? Very stupid. If you never wanted that kind of life with them, why brought me? You should've just left me with them because I don't like this kind of life either." Duke lashed out and walked out of his mother sight. He never looked back even though she called his name for more than two times.
He took out his phone from his pocket and asked Jillian where that flower located. Hearts Full of Flower Garden. He rode his car and went to his condominium. He went to his bedroom and laid on his bed, then closes his eyes as soon as his head touches the pillows.
"I'll meet you soon, brother..." Then he drifts into his sleep.
---
After the countless meetings in the corporation, Duke decided to visit the flower shop that he was told. His heart was beating faster in the thought of his brother than he was in the meeting. Marcus entered his office after he grabbed his car keys and his blazer.
"Woah, where are you going, Azh?" He asked then sat directly on Duke's sofa with his crossed legs.
"Somewhere, MC." He answered.
"I'll tag along, Duke!" Marcus said, jumping out of the sofa and then clings to Duke as they walked out of his office. Duke sighed and just let him do whatever he wants.
Marcus blabbers about everything as they both walk out of the building and even riding Duke's car, while the other one was in a daze about meeting someone, his brother. He overthinks about what will his brother say and how will his brother react if he sees him.
"We're here..." Duke said and stopped the engine of his car. He fixed his suit as soon as he got out of the the car that was followed by Marcus.
"Uhm, what're we doing here?" He asked and looked around. "Flower shop?"
"Sumama ka lang, don't ask any question." He then stepped inside that made the bell ring.
"Hello po, welcome to the Hearts Full of Flower Gard—" The man in front of him was stopped on his tracks when he saw Duke and stared at him as if they were looking at the mirror.
Duke smiled so wide but the other... He stared at him like he was some parasite. The man in front of him, his twin brother, just looked at him with his eyes full of hatred.
"Labas." He sternly said. And if a stare could kill, Duke would be probably dead by now.
"Look, I meant no harm here." Duke said as he put up his hands in surrender. "I just... I just wanted to see you," he mumbled as he slowly put his hands down to his sides.
"Ako, ayoko. Kung sino ka man kahit kamukha pa kita, ayokong makita ka kasi kasama ka niyang umalis at hindi manlang kami naalala!" He yelled then walked to stand in front of Duke and showed how much he despised him, how much he hates his brother now.
"D-dean..."
"Hindi ako si Dean! Ako si Seb! Mark Sebastian!" He yelled once again but this time, in front of Duke's face. "Kaya umalis ka na! Masaya na ako sa buhay na meron ako! Hindi kita kailangan sa buhay ko lalong lalo na ang babaeng 'yon!" Sebastian then pushed him that made Duke almost stumbled on his own feet.
Duke never cried in front of everyone, even in front of his father after he says things to him, insulting him and his mother. He doesn't even care, but when Seb, his twin brother and his own blood said that to him, he felt like his world crumbled and his heart was crushed. Tears rushed down his cheeks while Seb pushes him away. He feels pathetic, hurt, and he doesn't even know what to say. He just wanted to see his long lost brother, but he doesn't expected this to happen.
One of them man grabs Seb's arm and Marcus pulls me too, away from him. Duke almost fell down on the ground after he came out of the shop, and then he began to sob like there's no tomorrow. Marcus grabbed him again and brought him inside the car. The only thing he knows right now, Sebastian hates him. My brother hates me.
"Azh..." Marcus called, but he only shook his head. He leaned his head back on the chair and stared at the window while Marcus began to drive his car back to Duke's condominium.
I feel empty. Empty than before. He hates me. But I understand him.
Duke was a little confused of what Jillian had told him. "Ako? Sa flower shop?" He asked himself, still in shock maybe? He grabbed his car keys and decided to go to his mother, thinking she might know what's the answer to his question.
The maids greet him once he stepped his foot out his car and went to his mother who's silently drinks her tea. Duke sighed and took the seat beside her. He looked at her once, twice, thrice until his mother spoke. "What's goin' on inside your pretty little head, my young Duke?" She asked while her eyes are still on the magazine she's been reading.
"Do I have a brother?" Her eyes went wide after she heard her son's question. She gulped and looked back to his son's questioning eyes. Then she remembered the same face of the baby she left. Duke's twin brother.
"Mom, please answer my question." He said, slowly losing his patience.
"Yes, you do." She finally answered that made him shock this time. "You two are very identical because you're twins." She added.
"Why didn't you tell me?..." He asked in devastated tone then brushed his hair using his fingers. "So you had a husband before Daddy? And you left them? Why, mommy? Why?"
And this time, this was the first time he saw his mother broke down in tears as he asked those questions. Him too, it felt like the walls he made for his emotions just broke down. He never thought that he has a brother before, not until Jillian told him. Of course, he was happy. But the question is, will his brother be happy to see him? After what his mother did to him.
"And also... The father I know right now, is not my real father, right?" She then slowly shook her head as her response to Duke's question.
"I had you and Sebastian before leaving your father. And yes, his name's Sebastian. I want to name him Dean Azhrel, but then I changed my mind kasi baka malito ako, that's why he's Mark Sebastian." She said in her quiet tone, gripping the magazine she's holding.
"I... Left them with you kasi I never wanted to have life like them. We were never poor, just average." She added that made him glared at her.
"That reason is stupid, you know? Very stupid. If you never wanted that kind of life with them, why brought me? You should've just left me with them because I don't like this kind of life either." Duke lashed out and walked out of his mother sight. He never looked back even though she called his name for more than two times.
He took out his phone from his pocket and asked Jillian where that flower located. Hearts Full of Flower Garden. He rode his car and went to his condominium. He went to his bedroom and laid on his bed, then closes his eyes as soon as his head touches the pillows.
"I'll meet you soon, brother..." Then he drifts into his sleep.
---
After the countless meetings in the corporation, Duke decided to visit the flower shop that he was told. His heart was beating faster in the thought of his brother than he was in the meeting. Marcus entered his office after he grabbed his car keys and his blazer.
"Woah, where are you going, Azh?" He asked then sat directly on Duke's sofa with his crossed legs.
"Somewhere, MC." He answered.
"I'll tag along, Duke!" Marcus said, jumping out of the sofa and then clings to Duke as they walked out of his office. Duke sighed and just let him do whatever he wants.
Marcus blabbers about everything as they both walk out of the building and even riding Duke's car, while the other one was in a daze about meeting someone, his brother. He overthinks about what will his brother say and how will his brother react if he sees him.
"We're here..." Duke said and stopped the engine of his car. He fixed his suit as soon as he got out of the the car that was followed by Marcus.
"Uhm, what're we doing here?" He asked and looked around. "Flower shop?"
"Sumama ka lang, don't ask any question." He then stepped inside that made the bell ring.
"Hello po, welcome to the Hearts Full of Flower Gard—" The man in front of him was stopped on his tracks when he saw Duke and stared at him as if they were looking at the mirror.
Duke smiled so wide but the other... He stared at him like he was some parasite. The man in front of him, his twin brother, just looked at him with his eyes full of hatred.
"Labas." He sternly said. And if a stare could kill, Duke would be probably dead by now.
"Look, I meant no harm here." Duke said as he put up his hands in surrender. "I just... I just wanted to see you," he mumbled as he slowly put his hands down to his sides.
"Ako, ayoko. Kung sino ka man kahit kamukha pa kita, ayokong makita ka kasi kasama ka niyang umalis at hindi manlang kami naalala!" He yelled then walked to stand in front of Duke and showed how much he despised him, how much he hates his brother now.
"D-dean..."
"Hindi ako si Dean! Ako si Seb! Mark Sebastian!" He yelled once again but this time, in front of Duke's face. "Kaya umalis ka na! Masaya na ako sa buhay na meron ako! Hindi kita kailangan sa buhay ko lalong lalo na ang babaeng 'yon!" Sebastian then pushed him that made Duke almost stumbled on his own feet.
Duke never cried in front of everyone, even in front of his father after he says things to him, insulting him and his mother. He doesn't even care, but when Seb, his twin brother and his own blood said that to him, he felt like his world crumbled and his heart was crushed. Tears rushed down his cheeks while Seb pushes him away. He feels pathetic, hurt, and he doesn't even know what to say. He just wanted to see his long lost brother, but he doesn't expected this to happen.
One of them man grabs Seb's arm and Marcus pulls me too, away from him. Duke almost fell down on the ground after he came out of the shop, and then he began to sob like there's no tomorrow. Marcus grabbed him again and brought him inside the car. The only thing he knows right now, Sebastian hates him. My brother hates me.
"Azh..." Marcus called, but he only shook his head. He leaned his head back on the chair and stared at the window while Marcus began to drive his car back to Duke's condominium.
I feel empty. Empty than before. He hates me. But I understand him.
“minjae-yah, look at all the toys!” your voice was bright, bouncy but trembling just beneath. crouching beside your son, one hand gently resting on his tiny shoulder as he clutched his stuffed bunny to his chest.
minjae peeked into the room and it was a wonderland of soft play mats, wooden blocks, books, and tiny chairs. the teacher gave a warm smile and crouched to his level. "hi, minjae! i’m your teacher. let’s play together today!"
but minjae’s little hand clung tighter to yours.. his brows furrowed and his lips quivered. "mama, don’t go."
"mama’s just stepping out for a bit, okay? i’ll come back really soon."
minjae shook his head, already panicking, and whimpered, "don’t go, mama... MAMAAAAA!" a sudden shriek that tore through the room, followed by fat tears rolling down flushed cheeks. minjae latched onto your leg like his life depended on it, sobbing uncontrollably.
"don’t go, mama! don’t gooo!"
heeseung instinctively stepped forward, but you held up a hand.
you bent down, holding minjae close, whispering against his soft hair.
“baby, it’s okay. you’re okay. mama’s just going to step out and come right back. i promise, okay? you’ll have so much fun, and mama and daddy will be waiting right outside when it’s time to go.”
but the toddler shook his head desperately, his fists clinging to your shirt. "mama, stay with me. please. i’m scared..."
you finally let the tears fall. face into his neck and held him as tightly as you could without crushing him.
“i know, minjae-yah. i know. but you’re going to be so brave. you’re my big boy, remember? just for a little while, okay?”
he cried harder when you slowly pulled away. now kicking, screaming and reaching.
the teacher gently took him into her arms, but he thrashed. "MAMAAAA!!"
you turned away quickly, couldn’t bear to look. meanwhile heeseung guided you out the door, his jaw tight, one hand gripping your wrist like he was scared you’d run back in.
“baby, don’t look back,” he whispered as you broke down the moment they reached the car.
the moment the car doors closed, you covered your face and sobbed. chest felt like it had caved in, the echo of your son’s screams still ringing in your ears.
heeseung reached over, rubbing slow circles on your back, his own eyes glassy.
“i feel like the worst mom in the world,” you hiccupped.
“don’t say that,” he whispered. “you’re the best. that’s why it hurts so much.” you looked at him, broken. “he was begging me. he begged me, heeseung.”
“i know, i know,” he whispered, pulling you into his arms and holding you close. “i wanted to run back in too. but we have to let him grow just a little. just enough to know he’s safe without us.”
“but what if he thinks we abandoned him?”
“he won’t. he’ll cry but eventully he’ll play and learn. then we’ll be right there the second he needs us again.”
part two of 'don't go, mama ⋮ check it, here ༄.° L.HS X READER ➤ picking up your minjae from his first day from daycare after a heavy breakdown ⋮ parent au
the moment the receptionist called for minjae, his head whipped to the door.
"... mama?" his little voice was hoarse from earlier crying, and when he rounded the corner in the teacher’s arms, his big brown eyes locked onto yours.
then his entire face lit up with startled recognition. "mama! dada!"
the teacher barely had time to set him down before minjae bolted toward them, his tiny sneakers slapping against the hallway tiles, arms outstretched, bunny swinging in one hand.
you dropped to your knees just in time to catch him, and he crashed into your chest like a storm.
“Oh, baby. oh my god, minjae” you whispered, wrapping your arms tightly around him.
he started crying again but this time it was not the frantic, scared sobs from this morning. these were quieter, relieved. it was like every emotion he’d been holding in had just spilled out in a single exhale.
“you came back… 엄마 왔다…” you nodded at his words, cheek pressed against his hair. "always, no matter what."
heeseung crouched beside you both, rubbing minjae’s back. “did you have fun, buddy?”
minjae didn’t answer. he only reached out with his tiny hand, gripping the front of heeseung’s hoodie with a whimper.
"i missed you so much..."
heeseung’s throat tightened. “we missed you too, minjae... so, so much.”
the teacher gave a soft smile as she approached. “he had a tough start, but he settled after a bit. stayed close to the bunny and kept whispering "mama will be here soon… mama’s coming…"
you choked on a tear, pressing a kiss to his hair. “you were so brave.”
minjae didn’t say much. he just stayed in your arms like he never wanted to be put down again.
REQUESTED BY AN ANON ᝰ.ᐟ "daddy's carbon copy" 𖹭 enha x reader, seperate ⤷ ゛req: boy dad!enha reacting to their son being their clone/mini me’s ˎˊ˗ i just loooove writing parent!enha so thank you for this and i hope i did you justice ⋆.˚ parent!au
heeseung
“look at him, just like his dada.” you heard it every single time people saw you three together. friends, family, even strangers in passing would laugh and say, “did your genes even try?” or “daddy’s little carbon copy, huh?”
and honestly? you didn’t mind one bit. if anything, it felt like you got to fall in love with heeseung all over again, just in miniature. it melted you every time you caught him staring at your little boy, that rare, unguarded smile stretching across his face. your favorite sight in the whole world was when they dozed off on the couch together: big heeseung holding tiny heeseung, like a mirrored photograph.
during brunch with his family one weekend, his mom leaned in and playfully poked your son’s cheek. “maybe your next baby will look like you, hm? we need a granddaughter that looks exactly like mommy, don’t we?”
your son giggled like he understood every word, and you laughed too but you didn’t miss the thoughtful look that crossed heeseung’s face.
later that night, after tucking your boy into bed, you found yourself pressed against the doorframe, watching heeseung’s hands already sliding to your waist, lips brushing your ear. “my mom’s right, you know?”
“about what?” you teased, arching a brow.
“i know it’s only been eight months since he was born…” his voice dropped lower, eyes heavy with want, “…but i think i need a little version of you.”
jongseong (jay)
your son wasn’t just a carbon copy of jay’s looks. he inherited his personality, temper and all. even as a toddler, he carried himself with the same dramatic flare as his father.
you came home one afternoon to the sound of bickering from the kitchen. jay stood by the counter, onions half-chopped, while your little boy waved his plastic knife around like it was a sword. “dada! let me do it!”
jay only smiled, crouching down to reason with him. “it’s gonna make you cry, bub. i’m just looking out for you.”
but of course, mini-jay wasn’t having it and looked around for you to save him and give him what he wants, because he already knew at a young age, you always say yes to him. once his eyes found yours, he smiles and dropped the utensils and made a beeline for you. "mama, dada don't love me" picking him and carrying him as you made you way to jay who now had wide eyes, staring at his son in feigned offense. "doesn't love you?"
you scooped him up with a soft laugh, carrying him toward his father, who was now gaping at his son in mock offense. “doesn’t love you?” jay gasped dramatically.
“i wanted to help but he don’t wanna!” your son whined into your shoulder.
you shook your head, amused. it was like watching jay argue with a younger version of himself.
“wait till you’re older,” jay grinned, pinching his son’s cheek, “you’ll cut onions with your jawline like your old man.”
the boy only rolled his eyes in perfect imitation of him.
later that night, when the house was quiet and your son was tucked in, jay wrapped his arms around your waist, lips brushing your ear. “you know…” he whispered, smirking, “…i could give you your own twin if you’ll let me.”
jaeyun (jake)
from the fluffy waves of his hair to the warm puppy eyes and soft smile, your son was jake’s little twin. it was almost unfair how much he resembled his dad, and jake took pride in it.
“look at him,” jake cooed one afternoon, holding the baby up with a grin. “yeah, you’re gonna win over all the girls when you grow up.”
“jake!” you swatted his shoulder, quickly taking your four-month-old back. “don’t teach him that!”
“relax, honey,” he laughed, throwing an arm around you. “he’s four months old, he doesn’t understand a thing.”
you rolled your eyes, bouncing your baby gently, but of course jake wasn’t done. “besides, he looks just like me. maybe he’ll even have my charm. soft guy vibes never fail.”
you threw a pillow at him. “be quiet, you narcissist.”
his grin only widened. “fine, maybe if i get you pregnant again and that baby comes out looking like you, then you’ll finally get it.”
“excuse me? i just gave birth four months ago!”
“so what’s the threshold?”
“the what?”
“when can i give you your carbon copy?” he asked so innocently you had to laugh, shaking your head in disbelief.
sunghoon
the moment the newborn starting to grow, the more sunghoon was getting frightened and flabbergasted by his own creation due to the fact that it looks identical to him when he was a baby or toddler. it was creeping him out and you had to watch it unfold every day.
“why are you so shocked?” you teased as you folded laundry nearby. “he’s your dna.”
“i know, but… not even a little bit of you in him?” sunghoon muttered, studying his son’s features as the boy sat in his lap, giggling and flailing his tiny arms.
the two locked eyes for a moment, mirroring each other’s smile, and sunghoon’s jaw dropped. “i made this kid.”
you rolled your eyes. “yes, honey, you did. but try telling that to strangers. people look at me like i kidnapped him when i say i’m his mom.”
sunghoon’s gaze flickered toward you then, mischief sparking. “i could change that, you know.”
“what do you mean?” you frowned. “you’ll tell people off?”
“no.” he smirked, kissing your son’s chubby cheek. “i’ll give you another baby.”
you set down the laundry basket, giving him a look. “oh really? and you’re gonna carry and push this one out?”
he laughed, leaning back. “come to think of it, if we have a little you, i’d probably die from stress.”
your jaw dropped. “what did you just say?!”
sunoo
your son wasn’t just a mini sunoo, he was the mini sunoo. same pretty features, same spark, same sass. sunoo’s pride was sky-high. everywhere you went together, he couldn’t help but announce it.
“yeah, he’s my son.”
“no dna test needed. he’s my twin.”
“crazy, right? it’s like i copied and pasted.”
and it wasn’t just looks. sunoo’s chatterbox personality had passed down flawlessly. your toddler babbled in endless streams of words, and sunoo always answered back like they were having a serious conversation. the two of them could talk circles around you all day.
“good luck with that, babe,” your family often laughed.
one night, you caught him squinting at your son. “he’s too young for skincare, right?”
you gave him the look, and he immediately mirrored it. “what? i was just asking.”
you shook your head, but deep down you loved it. your two sass machines, your bundles of joy.
sunoo leaned back on the couch, smirking. “you’re just jealous your kid doesn’t look like you.”
“maybe i am,” you admitted softly.
“want a baby girl, love? i can arrange that.” he winked, and you nearly spit out your water.
jungwon
the moment you held your baby after delivery, you saw it. another kitty face. another jungwon. his little mirror.
as your son grew, the resemblance only got stronger. jungwon marveled at it daily. “aren’t you a handsome little guy?” he cooed while changing his diaper. “maybe you’ll dance like me… or try taekwondo?”
your baby gurgled happily, and jungwon smiled down at him. “don’t worry, i won’t force you into anything. i’ll just guide you, support you, love you.”
you watched from the doorway, jungwon doing his tasks not knowing you're there as he continues to talk to his baby "i always dreamed of this, having you, and now, here you are… and you look exactly like me" and the baby laughs as if he understood.
"but wouldn't it be nice to have tiny version of the woman i fell in love with? to have a little yn roaming around?" you just smile and try not to make any noise as you continued to listen in.
"your mommy's beauty is one of a kind, i might as well share and spread that beauty by adding her little twin in the world, right?"
riki
riki as a dad was exactly what you expected: stylish and playful. he was already altering denim tears and chrome hearts pieces to fit your three-year-old son, insisting his boy deserved the best.
“he already looks like me, babe,” riki grinned, crouching to help him into a pair of tiny denim pants.
your son twirled dramatically, showing them off. “don’t i look cool, mommy? like daddy?”
“see? told you,” riki smirked, patting his son’s head. “great taste runs in the blood.”
later that night, after the bedtime story and goodnight kiss, riki slid behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist.
“as much as i adore having a mini me,” he murmured against your neck, “i’d love to see a little version of you. a daughter in pink dresses, hair all done by you… so i can fall in love with you all over again through her.”
you turned in his arms, blinking up at him as he continued softly, “not now, maybe… but someday. i want to love and protect her the way i do you.”
He’s your kahel na langit. Hindi lang basta isang tao pero yung pahinga mo pagkatapos ng isang araw na paulit-ulit kang nadurog sa bigat ng mundo. Siya yung gusto mong takbuhan kapag pagod na pagod ka na. Yung tipo ng pagod na hindi na kayang ikwento, pero alam mong maiintindihan ka niya kahit walang salita.
“Pagod na pagod na ako,” bulong mo habang nakaupo sa sahig ng kwarto mo, yakap-yakap ang sarili mo. Gusto mong sumigaw pero wala kang boses. Gusto mong umiyak, pero tila wala nang luha. Ilang beses ka nang sinubukang kausapin ng mga tao sa paligid mo, pero walang makaintindi.
Minsan gusto mo lang siyang tawagan, kahit walang rason. Gusto mo lang marinig yung boses niya yung boses na parang tahanan, yung parang sinasabi sa’yo na kahit anong mangyari, ligtas ka at okay ka.
Sa mga araw na pakiramdam mo wala kang kakampi, siya yung nananatili. Hindi siya nagtatanong kung bakit ka tahimik at hindi rin siya umaalis kapag hindi mo kayang maging okay. Nandiyan lang siya, handang makinig at handang umalalay kahit hindi mo sabihin.
At sa wakas, dinial mo ang numero niya. Sa totoo lang, ilang ulit mo na siyang gustong tawagan, pero lagi kang natatakot. “Baka istorbo lang ako,” isip mo pero ngayong parang guguho ka na, wala ka nang ibang gustong marinig kundi siya.
“Hello?” sagot niya, boses niya groggy pero may halong pag-aalala. Tahimik ka. Ayaw mong umiyak, pero naririnig niya ang paghinga mong putol-putol.
“Hey… what’s wrong?”
“Sorry. Late na. Ayokong istorbohin ka.”
“Hindi mo ako iniistorbo. Sabihin mo lang, please.”
Hindi mo siya kailangang pakiusapan o pakiusapin para manatili. Hindi mo kailangang magmakaawa para maramdaman ang pagmamahal niya. Kasi kusa niya itong ibinibigay at kusang loob niyang ipinaparamdam na karapat-dapat ka sa pagmamahal at sa pag-unawa. Sa kanya, hindi ka pabigat. Sa kanya, sapat ka.
Doon na tuluyang bumigay ang mga luha mo. Hindi mo alam kung saan magsisimula. “Hindi ko na kaya. Sobrang bigat na. Parang… wala nang nagmamahal sa’kin. Wala nang may pakialam.”
“Don’t say that,” mahinahon niyang sagot. May halong pwersa sa boses niya yung tipong nasasaktan din siya sa naririnig niya.
“Totoo naman. Kahit anong gawin ko, kulang pa rin. Lahat ng tao… parang laging may mali sa akin- parang ba wala na akong kakampi sa mundo.”
Tahimik siya sandali. Akala mo magpapaalam na siya pero narinig mo ang mahinang buntong-hininga niya.
“Alam mo ba kung gaano kasakit marinig kang sinasabi yan? Kasi kung nakita mo lang ang sarili mo sa mga mata ko, you’d know how much you matter.”
“Hindi mo naiintindihan-”
“Subukan mo akong intindihin ngayon. You’re tired, I get it. You’re hurting, I get it. Pero hindi totoo na wala nang nagmamahal sayo. Nandito ako. Mahal na mahal kita. At kahit ilang beses mong itulak ako, babalik at babalik ako kasi ayokong maramdaman mong mag-isa ka.”
At sa mga ngiting may halong luha. Sa mga gabing hindi mo alam kung saan huhugot ng lakas, siya yung kusa na hahawak sa kamay mo. Hindi para ayusin ang lahat, pero para ipaalala na hindi mo na kailangang ayusin mag-isa.
Mas humigpit ang hawak mo. Hindi mo alam kung paano sasagot.
“Hindi mo kailangang maging okay ngayon. Hindi mo kailangang maging malakas. Just let me be here, okay? Let me carry some of that pain.”
“Bakit? Bakit mo ginagawa ‘to?” bulong mo, puno ng luha.
“Kasi mahal kita,” sagot niya. Simple pero ramdam mong totoo.
“Kasi pinipili kitang mahalin, kahit sa mga araw na hindi mo kayang mahalin ang sarili mo.”
Tahimik kayong dalawa. Pero sa unang pagkakataon ngayong gabi, kahit kaunti, gumaan ang dibdib mo.
"You don’t have to be okay for me to stay. Nandito ako kasi mahal kita. Sa sakit, sa gulo, sa pagod sa lahat ng yan, kasama mo ako."
Why would he do all of this? Kasi mahal ka niya. Hindi lang sa mga araw na madali kang mahalin, kundi lalo na sa mga panahong hindi mo kayang mahalin ang sarili mo.
He’s your kahel na langit. Hindi lang basta isang tao pero yung pahinga mo pagkatapos ng isang araw na paulit-ulit kang nadurog sa bigat ng mundo. Siya yung gusto mong takbuhan kapag pagod na pagod ka na. Yung tipo ng pagod na hindi na kayang ikwento, pero alam mong maiintindihan ka niya kahit walang salita.
“Pagod na pagod na ako,” bulong mo habang nakaupo sa sahig ng kwarto mo, yakap-yakap ang sarili mo. Gusto mong sumigaw pero wala kang boses. Gusto mong umiyak, pero tila wala nang luha. Ilang beses ka nang sinubukang kausapin ng mga tao sa paligid mo, pero walang makaintindi.
Minsan gusto mo lang siyang tawagan, kahit walang rason. Gusto mo lang marinig yung boses niya yung boses na parang tahanan, yung parang sinasabi sa’yo na kahit anong mangyari, ligtas ka at okay ka.
Sa mga araw na pakiramdam mo wala kang kakampi, siya yung nananatili. Hindi siya nagtatanong kung bakit ka tahimik at hindi rin siya umaalis kapag hindi mo kayang maging okay. Nandiyan lang siya, handang makinig at handang umalalay kahit hindi mo sabihin.
At sa wakas, dinial mo ang numero niya. Sa totoo lang, ilang ulit mo na siyang gustong tawagan, pero lagi kang natatakot. “Baka istorbo lang ako,” isip mo pero ngayong parang guguho ka na, wala ka nang ibang gustong marinig kundi siya.
“Hello?” sagot niya, boses niya groggy pero may halong pag-aalala. Tahimik ka. Ayaw mong umiyak, pero naririnig niya ang paghinga mong putol-putol.
“Hey… what’s wrong?”
“Sorry. Late na. Ayokong istorbohin ka.”
“Hindi mo ako iniistorbo. Sabihin mo lang, please.”
Hindi mo siya kailangang pakiusapan o pakiusapin para manatili. Hindi mo kailangang magmakaawa para maramdaman ang pagmamahal niya. Kasi kusa niya itong ibinibigay at kusang loob niyang ipinaparamdam na karapat-dapat ka sa pagmamahal at sa pag-unawa. Sa kanya, hindi ka pabigat. Sa kanya, sapat ka.
Doon na tuluyang bumigay ang mga luha mo. Hindi mo alam kung saan magsisimula. “Hindi ko na kaya. Sobrang bigat na. Parang… wala nang nagmamahal sa’kin. Wala nang may pakialam.”
“Don’t say that,” mahinahon niyang sagot. May halong pwersa sa boses niya yung tipong nasasaktan din siya sa naririnig niya.
“Totoo naman. Kahit anong gawin ko, kulang pa rin. Lahat ng tao… parang laging may mali sa akin- parang ba wala na akong kakampi sa mundo.”
Tahimik siya sandali. Akala mo magpapaalam na siya pero narinig mo ang mahinang buntong-hininga niya.
“Alam mo ba kung gaano kasakit marinig kang sinasabi yan? Kasi kung nakita mo lang ang sarili mo sa mga mata ko, you’d know how much you matter.”
“Hindi mo naiintindihan-”
“Subukan mo akong intindihin ngayon. You’re tired, I get it. You’re hurting, I get it. Pero hindi totoo na wala nang nagmamahal sayo. Nandito ako. Mahal na mahal kita. At kahit ilang beses mong itulak ako, babalik at babalik ako kasi ayokong maramdaman mong mag-isa ka.”
At sa mga ngiting may halong luha. Sa mga gabing hindi mo alam kung saan huhugot ng lakas, siya yung kusa na hahawak sa kamay mo. Hindi para ayusin ang lahat, pero para ipaalala na hindi mo na kailangang ayusin mag-isa.
Mas humigpit ang hawak mo. Hindi mo alam kung paano sasagot.
“Hindi mo kailangang maging okay ngayon. Hindi mo kailangang maging malakas. Just let me be here, okay? Let me carry some of that pain.”
“Bakit? Bakit mo ginagawa ‘to?” bulong mo, puno ng luha.
“Kasi mahal kita,” sagot niya. Simple pero ramdam mong totoo.
“Kasi pinipili kitang mahalin, kahit sa mga araw na hindi mo kayang mahalin ang sarili mo.”
Tahimik kayong dalawa. Pero sa unang pagkakataon ngayong gabi, kahit kaunti, gumaan ang dibdib mo.
"You don’t have to be okay for me to stay. Nandito ako kasi mahal kita. Sa sakit, sa gulo, sa pagod sa lahat ng yan, kasama mo ako."
Why would he do all of this? Kasi mahal ka niya. Hindi lang sa mga araw na madali kang mahalin, kundi lalo na sa mga panahong hindi mo kayang mahalin ang sarili mo.
• You have stolen my heart - 김선우
↳ ┊: the feels - twice
꒰ 𝔖𝘺𝘯𝘰𝘱𝘴𝘪𝘴 ꒱┆build a bear with your boyfriend ⨾
۶ৎ idol!sunoo x fem!reader┆fluff┆petnames, kissing┆wc 465
⤷ 𝐲𝐞𝐣𝐢’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: happy birthday to our beloved sunoo!!! he’s literally the most precious sunshine ever and i hope he has a fantastic day ^_^
꒰ঌ ℬℴℴ𝓀𝓈𝒽ℯ𝓁𝒻 ໒꒱
today was sunoo’s birthday and you had planned to surprise him with a little outing. he had a short dance practice before, but he promised he would be able to come out earlier.
“sun!!” you smile, waving to him as you enter the practice room to get him.
his head immediately whips around to you, a huge smile on his face.
“hi baby,” he says in a soft tone, walking over to you and kissing your forehead.
“eaugh get a room!!” jake shouts from the couch, where he’s practically a melted blob there. a few of the other members snicker at his childish comment, before telling sunoo to go and enjoy his day with you.
you both say goodbye to the members before walking out to the car. there, a few bodyguards are waiting to escort you and your boyfriend for security measures.
in the car, you tell sunoo that you were gonna go to a build a bear and you would treat him to one.
“oh my gosh really?? thank you baby!! we should totally get matching ones!!” he giggles, already thinking of everything he wants to get.
“of course!! it’s your birthday after all sun,” you grin, relieved that he liked the surprise.
once you got to the store, you had already reserved a private time slot with the store to make sunoo as comfortable as possible. the bodyguards agreed to wait outside for you both, joking that you were both like little children in a candy shop with how excited you were.
meanwhile, you and your boyfriend were gasping over each and every doll and accessory in the shop, saying you needed to buy them all.
“baby!!! look! there’s matching ones! we totally need them!” sunoo exclaimed, pointing at two bears, one pink and the other beige.
“yes! we need it!!” you quickly agree, your cheeks sore from smiling so much. you really couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend.
by the time both of your bears were made and stuffed, you both decided to put in a voice message in the bear.
“i’ll go over here so it’s a surprise,” you tell sunoo, running off with his bear.
“sunsun, happy birthday~ i can’t believe i get to spend another year with you. i hope we can grow old together and share many more birthdays with each other. i love you so so much! keep shining my sunshine!”
“my love!! thank you for this amazing day! i can’t imagine how boring life would be without you. you’re my sun, moon, and stars and i absolutely could not be the person i am without you. i love you very much and never forget that, okay? mwah~”
and the two of you spent the rest of sunoo’s special say in giggles, enjoying the moments together.
Medyo abala akong tumutulong kay Mommy-La at Kuya Seb na mag-ayos ng flower shop bago ‘to buksan. Routine ko na ‘to simula nung maampon ako ni Mommy-La nung fourteen years old ako. Yes, I’m an orphan. Hindi alam kung sino ang magulang ko, at kung saan ako nagmula. Para bang bigla nalang akong nag-exist nang hindi ko alam. Sinubukan kong magtanong before kay Sister Felicia, pero nang dahil na rin sa katandaan niya, wala na rin siyang masyadong maalala. Dahil dun, hindi na rin ako nagtanong pa.
Habang inaayos ko ‘yung sunflowers, bigla akong tinawag ni Kuya Seb para umasikaso ng isang customer. Lumapit naman ako at nakita si Kuya na may kausap na lalaki.
“Ah, he’s going to assist you about sa flowers po na gusto ng young lady.” Saad niya habang nakaturo ang dalawang kamay niya sa akin. Napangiti naman ako nang ngitian ako nung matangkad at matipunong lalaki.
“Hello po, ano pong maitutulong ko?” Tanong ko, pero gumilid naman siya at nung gumilid siya... May nakita akong magandang babae. “Hi! Uhm... May fresh sunflowers kayo right now?” Tanong niya habang ako nakatulala lang sa kan’ya. Napabalik naman ako sa tamang wisyo nang may sumanggi sa balikat ko.
“Alam kong maganda ang young lady, pero sagutin mo muna tanong niya bago ka tumulala,” bulong niya.
“A-ah, meron po. Ipapakita ko po sa in’yo, haha...” Saka nagpunta sa kung saan ako galing kanina. Kumuha ako ng isang bouquet ng fresh sunflowers at ipinakita ‘yun sa kan’ya. I just saw how her eyes sparkled after seeing the flowers.
“Juancho! I want this!” Masaya niyang sigaw sa bodyguard niya siguro. “Two bouquets, please?” I nodded at her question at inasikaso na agad ‘yung bulaklak na binili niya. ‘Kakulay ng aura niya ‘tong bulaklak...’ Bulong ko sa utak ko.
Hindi ko alam pero parang may kung anong nabuhay sa puso ko nung makita ko siyang ngumiti matapos kong maibigay ‘yung bulaklak sa kan’ya. Feeling ko tuloy halos lahat ng dugo ko napunta sa pisngi ko. Napangiti nalang din ako sa kan’ya bilang ganti. Nang mawala na sila sa paningin ko, saka lang ako nakahinga ng maluwag. Ganu’n ko pala katagal na pinigilan na huminga.
“Oh, Ivan? Ayos ka lang? Ang putla mo yata,” Ate Lovely said. Nakita ko naman si Kuya Teo na nasa tabi niya at ngumiti ng nakakaloko na para bang alam niya ang dahilan. I shook my head many times to tell him na mali ang nasa isip niya. Nagpabalik-balik naman ang tingin ni Ate mula sa akin at kay Kuya Matteo.
“Okay, Ivan. If you say so,” huling sinabi niya bago pumunta kay Mommy-La at humalik sa pisngi niya. While Ate Lovely, mukha pa rin siyang naguguluhan.
Three weeks ang dumaan at twice a week siya kung pumunta sa flower shop. Nasasaktuhan niyang nandun ako, or baka delulu lang ako. Katulad ngayon, busy ako mag-spray ng tubig sa mga halaman nang bigla siyang pumasok at binati si Ate Beng na nasa cashier.
“Ivan!” Sigaw niya sa pangalan ko na ikinalingon ko. Agad akong napangiti dahil sa kan’ya at lumapit. “Same usual flowers? Coming right up!” Saad ko na ikinatuwa niya rin.
Ilang linggo na rin kaming ganito, parang tagpuan na rin namin ‘tong flower shop ni Mommy-La. Alam niya na orphan ako, at alam ko rin na nag-iisa siyang anak ng congressman dito sa lugar namin. Alam na alam ko rin na magkaiba ang mundong ginagalawan namin kaya hangga’t maaari, kinikimkim ko kung ano mang feelings ang meron ako para sa kan’ya. Oo, gusto ko siya. Gustong gusto... pero isa lang akong hamak na tao.
Dumating ang araw na hindi ako nakapunta sa flower shop kasi inatake ako ng hika ko dahil sa ubo ko, sinabayan pa ng lagnat. Two weeks din akong nandito sa hospital, suot ang oxygen mask habang gumagamit ng nebulizer. Inaalagaan ako ni Ate Beng dito sa loob ng hospital kasama si Ate Padaba.
“Ivan? Kamusta pakiramdam mo? Inhale and exhale ka nga for me,” malumanay na sabi ni Ate Padaba habang hawak ang kamay ko. Ginawa ko naman ‘yung sinabi niya at saka siya ngumiti nang makita niyang kaya ko ng huminga ng malalim. Lumapit naman si Ate Beng saka pinunasan ako ng maligamgam na basang towel.
“Sabi ni Tito Doc, mayamaya pwede ka na ma-discharge. Basta huwag mo daw kakalimutan ‘yung mga gamot mo, ha? Huwag mo na ring isipin ‘yung bills, kami na ni Kuya Seb mo ang bahala dun, ha?” Tumango ako sa sinabi ni Ate habang siya naman ay hinaplos ang mukha ko. “Ang gusto lang namin ngayon ay magpagaling ka, ayos ba ‘yun?” Tanong ni Ate Padaba na ikinangiti ko.
“Opo.”
Nang ma-discharge ako, nagpaalam ako kay Kuya Seb na papasok ako sa flower shop after class and pumayag naman siya sa gusto ko. Patakbo rin akong pumasok sa flower shop kahit hindi pwede kasi gusto ko siyang maabutan ngayon sa loob.
Tumakbo rin siya papunta sa direction ko at niyakap ako ng mahigpit at medyo kinurot ako nang mahiwalay na siya ng saglit.
“Bakit ngayon ka lang, Ivan? And why you didn't tell me that you have an asthma? You should've told me para makabili ako ng inhaler mo,” galit niyang sabi habang ako nakahawak pa rin sa part ng waist ko na kinurot niya. Magpapaliwanag na sana ako when she suddenly pulled me outside where no one can see us.
“I got worried of you... so damn much...” Napangiti naman ako sa sinabi niya. “Okay na ako, Isabela. Magaling na ako, perpekto na ulit.” pagpapakalma ko sa kan’ya.
“Hey, you're already perfect naman na in my eyes. It doesn't matter if you have an asthma or you’re an orphan because the thing that matters to me more is... is... you. The whole you,” she said.
“Kahit na, iba pa rin naman ang mundong ginagalawan nat—” Iniharang niya bigla ang daliri niya sa tapat ng labi ko na ikinatigil ng mga salitang sasabihin ko sana.
“It may sound weird to you but... I want to walk in your world too,” nanlaki naman agad ang mga mata ko sa sinabi niya. “Gusto mo rin maging ampon?!” Sigaw ko at saka niya tinakpan ang bibig ko.
“No, dummy! I like you kaya I want to walk with wherever it is!”
Bumigla ng bilis ang tibok ng puso at sumabay naman agad ang hika ko. Ewan ko, na-excite ako sa sinabi niya tipong pati hika ko nakisabay.
“Ivan? Ivan! Kuya Seb!” Tawag niya at saka naman tumakbo si Kuya papalapit sa amin kasama si Kuya Zane na kararating lang.
“Anong nangyari dito?” Tanong ni Ate Beng at ni Ate Padaba nang makarating sila sa harap namin, saka sila nagsitinginan sa amin. Nakita ko naman ang pamumula ng pisngi ni Isabela na siyang ikinangiti ko habang gumagamit ng inhaler.
“I just told him I like him...” sumbong niya and they all smiled at her.
After ng nangyari sa shop, hindi pa rin mawala sa isip ko lahat lahat. From how I met her, and to the part where how I made her mine. This wasn’t the ending, but it is the beginning of our blooming love.
"ARAY?!" Singhap ko pagkatapos madampian ng cotton ang gilid ng labi ko. Tinignan lang ako ng masama ni Mommy na may hawak ngayon ng cotton. Pinalo naman ako ng hindi gaanong malakas ni Jania na nasa tabi ko hawak ang alcohol. "Bakit ba napakahilig mo maghanap ng away?" Mommy frustratingly asked at dinampiang muli ang gilid ng labi ko.
"Mommy, sila po nauna. I just stood up para sa babaeng inaapi nila." Sagot ko and I hissed a little dahil sa alcohol. Papa just shook his head with a proud smile. "Anak nga talaga kita," he proudly said at nakipag-fist bump sa akin, leaving the women of our lives stressed.
May tatlong lalaki kasi ang nanghaharas ng babae habang pauwi kanina. Hindi sa minamaliit ko 'yung babae, pero kitang kita ko na mahina ang lagay niya kaya tumakbo ako sa kanya at itinago siya sa likod ko. Nagkasagutan kami at hindi ako nakapagpigil na paliparin ang kamao ko sa kanya kasi ang bastos ng bunganga. Pinatakbo ko 'yung babae at pinatawag ng pulis, at ayun, naghihintay pa rin ngayon ng mga magulang na magpa-piyansa sa kanila.
"Pero, Sebby. You risked your own life again..." Mommy worriedly said, carresing my not wounded left cheek. "Alam ko 'yun, My. Pero kasi, hindi naman yata pwedeng ganun? Kung pwede ko nga lang ingatan lahat ng babae, ginawa ko na, eh." I said. Totoo naman kasi...
"That's a little bit oa na, Kuya Baste." Saad ni Jania at sabay inirapan ako. Dahan dahan akong tumayo sa harap ni Mommy at saka siya hinabol paikot sa sofa ng sala. At nang mahuli ko siya, binuhat ko siya at ipinahiga sa sofa at kiniliti. "K-kuya! Mommy!" Tumatawa niya sambit.
"Sebby, tama na. Kapag ayan sumuka ulit," natatawang sambit ni Mommy at saka ako tumigil. May tendency kasi siyang sumuka kapag nasobrahan ng kiliti at nangyari na sa kanya 'yun ng isang beses. "Siya nga po pala, My. Dadalhin ko si Jania bukas sa flower shop ni Mommy-la, nandun naman daw po bukas sina Zane at si Luke." Paalam ko at siya namang pumayag agad kaya pareho kaming nag-apir ni Jania sa tuwa.
Ngumiti at tumango lang si Mommy sa amin. Iniwan ako ng nagluwal sa akin nung bata palang ako. Iniwan niya kami ni Papa nung ma-bankrupt 'yung company niya, iniwan niya kami nung kailangan namin siya. Hindi ko siya matawag na "Mama" kasi may nanay bang kayang iwan ang anak niya? May nanay bang kayang tiisin ang anak? Wala. Pero nagbago lahat nung nakilala ni Papa si Mommy. Nagpakasal sila at binigyan ako ng makulit na kapatid. Hindi man siya ang ina na nagluwal sa akin, inalagaan niya pa rin ako na parang sa kanya ako galing.
————
Busy kami ngayon dito sa flower shop ni Mommy-La na naga-arrange ng mga bulaklak. Si Zane nagbubuhat ng pots ng iba't ibang bulaklak samantalang nakikipaglaro naman si Luke kay Jania. Ako? May hawak na clipboard, chine-check 'yung bawat flowers na nai-deliver today. Nang matapos nga kami, binigyan namin ng tubig at meryenda 'yung mga tumulong sa amin ngayon. Papasok na sana ako sa loob nang makakita ako ng lasing na babae na humahagulgol sa may tabi ng kalsada. Nakaupo ito na parang bata at para bang walang balak huminto sa pag-iyak.
"Miss... Ayos ka lang?" Tanong ko nang makarating ako. I used the clipboard to shield her from the sun. Tumingin siya sa akin at mas lalong umiyak. "U-uyy, hindi ako marunong magpatahan!" Natataranta kong sabi saka hinawakan ang mga pisngi niya at pinunasan ang mga luha niya gamit ang mga hinlalaki ko. May dinukot ako sa bulsa ko saka ibinigay 'yun sa kanya, BengBeng chocolate. Napatingin naman siya dun saglit sa inabot ko saka binuksan at kinain niya 'yun habang umiiyak.
"That stupid asshole just cheated on me!" She suddenly yelled at me while munching the chocolate. Napangiwi nalang ako nang marinig ang iniiyakan niya. Ang kapal naman ng mukha ng taong iyon na lokohin ang magandang babae na 'to. "Ano ba itsura niya?" Tanong ko sa kanya sabay kuha ng panyo sa bulsa ko at pinunasan ang mukha niyang basang basa dahil sa luha. Habang pinupunasan nga ang mukha niya ay saka rin niya kinuha ang telepono sa sling bag niya at ipinakita ang lalaking nagloko— AYUN NA 'YUN?! 'DI HAMAK NA MAS POGI PA TATAY KO KAYSA SA EX BOYFRIEND NIYA?!
I kept my inner judgements to myself saka siya umiyak ulit. "Am I not enough to be cheated on? Actually, ginawa ko naman lahat ah? Ako na nga nag arrange ng mga wedding requirements, gowns and tuxedos, the venue, LAHAT?!" Hagulgol niya pang muli. Bakit parang pati ako nanghihinayang rin sa ginastos niya?
"Bakit ba kayo naghiwalay?" Kalmadong tanong ko habang pinupunasan pa rin mga luha sa mukha niya tuloy-tuloy pa ring bumubuhos. "Just because... I didn't allowed him to make love with me. I'm preparing myself actually sa honeymoon namin because I want it more to be special. Di' ba ayun naman mostly ang gusto ng girls? To make that night memorable?" Sagot niya habang may lungkot sa mga mata. Mas lalo naman akong nagalit sa ex-boyfriend niya nang dahil sa isinagot niya sa akin. "Nang dahil lang doon? Gago pala 'yun eh. Hindi marunong rumespeto kapag ganun, buti nalang nakipaghiwalay ka kaagad."
"Kanina pa tayo magkausap pero 'di pa rin kita kilala, kuya florist." Saad niya. Ayy? 'Di ko pa pala nasabi. Inilagay ko muna sa kamay niya ang panyo na hawak ko at ibinaba ang clipboard saka nagpagpag ng kamay at inilagay sa pagitan naming dalawa. "Hi, ako si Sebastian. Pwede mo naman akong tawaging Seb," nakita ko naman kung paano siya ngumiti dahil sa nasambit ko. Ngumiti siya na parang 'di siya lasing na humahagulgol sa gilid ng daan. Iniabot niya rin sa akin ang kamay ko at nakipagkamay sabay sabing, "I'm Y/N." Natawa naman kami pareho nang biglang naging pormal kaming dalawa.
Nag-usap kaming dalawa nang matagal hanggang sa magkapalitan na ng numbers sa isa't isa at natigil lang ang pag-uusap namin nang bigla akong tawagin ni Jania. Nagpaalam na ako sa kanya na mauuna na ako at ganun din siya. "See you next time, Seb." Paalam niya habang nakangiti saka siya naglakad paalis. She totally sobered up naman na, 'no?
Her and I were best of friends since first year high school. She was the first girl who approached me, talked to me, and matched my vibes. After namin maging maging friends, my dull life became more joyful than ever. I was still grieving at my mother's death back then, and she was there. She didn't blame me after all. She said; “It wasn't your fault nor your sister’s fault. Your mother gave birth to you because you deserve life. Sige ka, malulungkot siya kapag nalaman niyang sinisisi mo ang sarili mo sa pagkawala niya.”
Everything was fine not until Spade, his childhood best friend, came into the picture. I know na he came back to pursue Y/N, and alam kong wala akong magagawa kasi sino ba naman ako? I'm just her friend. A friend. Talo ako ng matagal na niyang kaibigan. I tried my best to avoid her and Spade, not to be petty, but to protect whatever I feel towards her.
I was taking down some notes inside the library when I saw both of them after lifting my head up to stretch. Y/N saw me and nagmadali siyang pumunta sa akin while pulling Spade with her. I looked away and began to tidy up the table, putting all my stuffs back to my backpack. “Adriel!” She called in whisper tone, pero nakaalis na ako sa upuan ko. Labag sa loob ko, but it was also for my heart's peace.
A cold can touched my face when I exactly stepped out of the library's door. I looked at and I saw Ate Ariel. She sighed and shook her head. Kinuha ko 'yung can from her then opened it and drank it. “How did you know na nandito ako?” Tanong ko as we both walked towards the oval. Vacant time pa naman eh, that's fine. “Hindi ko nga alam na nasa library ka, but I saw her with Spade. So, hinulaan ko lang kung nandun ka,” she said as she munched her cream bun. I half-heartedly laughed at her answer.
“Bakit hindi mo siya kausapin?”
“Ano namang sasabihin ko? Na nagseselos ako? I don't even have the right, Ate.”
“Nagseselos kanino?”
Ate and I both looked behind us and saw Y/N. Tiningnan niya ako at si Ate nang pabalik balik, waiting for her question to be answered. I was about to talk to Ate Ariel pero— “Okay, bro. Bye, it's your time to shine.” Then walked away. “Torres, kanino? Sino 'yan?” Tanong niya ulit. I tightly gripped the can in my hold, looked at everything around but her eyes. I opened my mouth pero no words are coming out.
“U-uh... ” Words stammered in my tongue as I tried to answer her. My hand automatically went to the back of my head, scratching it. “S-spade... Nagseselos ako s-sa inyo... But, I'll walk away for your own peace!” I frantically said. “Kaya ka pala lumalayo sa akin na para bang I have an incurable disease... And isa pa, bakit ka magseselos sa pinsan ko? When in fact ako dapat magselos kasi he likes you,” napatigil ako and para bang nabuhusan ng malamig na tubig at nahimasmasan.
“P-pinsan?! I-I’m sorry. H-he likes me? Not to be a homophobic, but why me? There are more handsome than me? A-and you... you're...” My words came out stuttering while she's just staring at me like some stupid man. And she just nodded. “Yeah, idiot. Gusto kita. Akala ko alam mo,” she said and flicked my forehead. “Ano? Liligawan mo ba ako or what?” Tanong niya with her hands placed on her hip, while me, still holding my forehead that got flicked by her.
“Ako dapat nagtatanong niyan ah? Yes, I'll court you.” And without a second, I felt her warm lips on my cheeks. She kissed me. Naramdaman ko ang biglang pag-angat ng red blood cells sa leeg ko hanggang sa mukha ko. SHE KISSED ME. I felt like a statue.
“Sabi mo ‘yan, ha? See you later!” She said that made me go back to reality. I smiled like an idiot after she vanished in my sight, I placed the palm of my hands on my face and giggled like crazy. I tapped both of my cheeks to make sure na hindi panaginip ang lahat. Sumakit mukha ko, so that means... It's real.
I promise my whole life that I won't let my effort go waste. I'll do my best to shoot my shot. Ito na ang chance na meron ako, and I won't waste it.
Nakilala ko siya sa probinsiya namin sa Bicol. Unang araw nun sa highschool, naniniwala pa naman ako sa "Love at First Sight" noon. Medyo uto-uto kasi ako. The first time my eyes laid on her, akala ko may sakit ako sa puso kasi napunta pa ako ng clinic kasi nahirapan ako huminga. Hindi naman ito ang first time na nangyari sa akin pero mas malala itong ngayon. Medyo natakot na rin ako magka-crush kasi nga palagi naman akong rejected. Alam kong parte ng buhay 'yon, pero wala eh. Masakit ngani!
Pero nagbago lahat nung— "Hi, Ako si Y/N. Ikaw?" Tanong niya sa akin. Natulala lang ako hanggang sa magbago ang ekspresyon sa kanyang mukha. "Kuya! May nose bleeding ka!" Huling sigaw niya bago ako mawalan ng malay.
Nagising nalang ako sa isang room na may puting ilaw. Kinuha na ba ako ni Lord? Hala huwag pa po! Hindi ko pa siya naliligawan, nade-date at napapakasalan! Umupo ako nang maayos at inilibot ang paningin ko saka ko nakita ang natutulog na si Luke, nakaungko ito sa hinihigaan ko. Dinutdot ko ang ulo niya saka siya nagising.
"Tano ta yaon kita digdi?" [Bakit tayo nandito?], tanong ko sa kanya. Nangati 'yung ilong ko at para bang may nakabara, hinawakan ko ito at laking gulat ko na may dugo ang parehong tissue na galing sa ilong ko. "Anong nangyari sakuya? Tano ta may dugo ang dungo ko?!" [Anong nangyari sa akin? Bakit may dugo ang ilong ko?!] Natataranta kong tanong. Rinig ko naman ang malakas na buntong hininga niya bago siya sumagot.
"Hinimatay ka lang naman sa harap ng bago nating classmate. At ang malala pa, nagkaroon ka ng nose bleed," sagot niya at tumayo. "Nataranta pa si Tita dahil sa iyo, muntik na rin tumawag ng ambulance si Ate Zania dahil sa'yo eh." Sagot niya ulit at kinuha bag ko. Sinabi niya rin na pinauwi na ako ni Sir para magpahinga. Principal si Mommy pero never niya ako ni-spoil sa school. Napatawag na nga ako noon sa detention.
After ng ilang linggo, naging close din kami ni Y/N. Ang ganda niya, mabait siya, mahinhin, maliban nalang kapag tumatawa siya kasi nanghahampas siya. Isa siguro sa pinakagusto ko sa kanya kapag masaya siya ay 'yung nakangiti siya. Masaya siya kasama sa totoo lang, parang si Luke lang.
"Hanggang ngayon kasi natatawa pa rin ako kung paano ka himatayin sa harap ko," sambit niya habang tumatawa sa gilid ko. Breaktime namin ngayon at wala si Luke. Nasa hospital siya, nagpapagaling kasi tinamaan ng sakit. "Pero, Raf, nakakapagsalita ka ng Tagalog di' ba?" Tanong niya sa akin at tumango naman ako bilang sagot.
"Oo, pero dikit lang." Nangunot ang noo niya dahil siguro sa sagot ko. Anong mali sa sagot ko? "Dikit? As in 'yung dinidikit?" This time, noo ko naman ang nangunot dahil sa kanya. Napasapo pa ako sa noo ko dahil sa tanong niya. Minsan women can be dumb. Minsan lang ah. Ipinaliwanag ko naman ang pinagkaiba ng "dikit" ng Bicol and "dikit" ng Tagalog ng maayos sa kanya. Luckily, naintindihan niya naman.
Then, napag-usapan naming dalawa kung saan kami mag-aaral after namin mag-high school. Sinabi ko na sa Manila ako mag-aaral kasi nandun naman nagta-trabaho bilang doctor si Daddy. Habang nagk-kwento nga ako, parang nakatingin lang siya sa akin, tahimik. At ngumiti nalang siya sa akin, 'yung ngiti na parang napakalungkot.
Umabot ng graduation, magkakaibigan pa rin kami. Habang nasa venue, nahanap ko si Luke kasama si Lola Anding. "Luke! Lola Anding!" Sigaw ko at sabay naman silang napalingon sa gawi ko. Tumakbo ako kay Luke at ganun din siya sa akin saka ako niyakap ng mahigpit, syempre niyakap ko rin si Lola Anding.
"Nag abot na si Y/N?" [Dumating na ba si Y/N] Tanong ko na siyang ikinalingon din ng ulo niya at hinanap si Y/N. "Hindi pa yata, 'di ko pa siya nakikita simula kanina eh." Sagot niya. Hindi ko alam pero bigla akong kinabahan. Tatakbo na sana ako paalis para hanapin siya nang biglang mag-announce ang emcee na magsisimula na ang ceremony.
Hanggang sa matawag ang section namin, hanggang sa matawag ako at si Luke, at hanggang sa makaupo kami sa upuan namin, wala pa rin siya. Nasaan ka na? Mahalagang araw natin 'to oh? Tanong sa isip ko. Narinig kong tinawag na ang pangalan niya, naghintay akong tumakbo siya sa harap ng stage at magsorry kasi late siyang bakarating, pero wala. Natapos na ang ceremony, wala pa rin siya.
Hinanap ko siya ulit, lumingon sa kung saan siya pwedeng makita. Tumakbo ako sa buong campus, pero wala pa rin. Hanggang sa may maaninag akong isang tao sa may entrance gate ng campus. Tumakbo ako ng mabilis papunta sa kanya, "Y/N!" tawag ko habang tumatakbo. Alam kong narinig niya ako pero bakit siya paalis? Tumakbo pa rin ako ng mas mabilis hanggang sa makalabas ako ng gate at nakita ang kotseng humarurot paalis.
Bakit?...
Andaming bakit sa isip ko habang tinitignan 'yung sasakyan niya na unti unting naglalaho sa paningin ko. Aamin na sana ako eh. Sasabihin ko na hindi lang naman siya isang simpleng kaibigan sa akin.
Bakit ka lumapit sa akin kung aalis ka rin pala?
Sabi ko, tama na, hindi ko na sasaktan 'yung sarili ko. Halos lahat ng nagustuhan kong babae ganito. Sinubukan kong ingatan puso ko, pero sa huli, binasag ko rin. Ang tanga ko. Sana hindi nalang.
warnings unprotected sex (dont!), breeding, riding, use of names ( pretty boy, puppy, darling, good boy ), crying, soft dom! reader, sub! jake, overstimulation, est. relationship. lmk if i missed any!
note i love puppy jake <3. let me know through comments, dms or my ask box if you wish to be tagged to my enhypen taglist! ignore any typos pls .. 💯
requests are open! word count 831
jake was pretty.
everyone who laid eyes on him knew that he was pretty. how his fluffy hair would swoop down over his face, covering his beautiful eyes. how his voice was smooth and could melt your heart.
but to you, he was the prettiest when he was under you. the way he would beg for you, moan for you, whimper for you.
cry for you.
it was a long day and you needed to distract yourself, and what better way to do that than get your boyfriend to help you out?
he was now spread on your shared bed while you were on top of him, his cock deep inside your wet cunt.
“fuck, darling. you fill me up so well,” you softly moaned, your hips slowly grinding on his lap.
jake was a mess already, his hands gripping your hips tightly as he struggled to keep himself still, wanting to be good for you.
noises of pleasure escaped his lips every few seconds, his eyes fluttering up to watch you.
you quickened your pace without warning.
watching how his lips parted with a moan, his eyes moving down to watch how his cock slides in and out of you, the sounds of your wetness filling his mind.
“doing so well for me, such a good boy.” you breathed, your hands going to rest on jake’s chest before you began bouncing on him, his cock getting deeper into you.
“oh god—“ jake whimpered, his nails digging into your skin as he slightly moved his hips upwards into you.
“puppy.” you warned, your tone strict but laced with love. jake whined loud, a rope of “sorry”s leaving his mouth as he laid still once again.
“let me please you, can i?” jake begged.
he loved pleasuring you, he loved making you feel so good your mind went blank, he loved when he can visibly see how well he does.
you thought for a moment before nodding, and within seconds jake was flipping you both over, his cock sipping out in the process.
he whined at the loss of connection before he spread your legs in front of him, positioning himself right back to where he belongs. he pushed himself inside and let out a cry, instantly moving quick.
his thrusts were sloppy, but good. you loved how desperate he gets when he’s with you, how much it shows, the pleasure he gets from just being close to you.
“f-fuck, just like that, puppy.” you moaned.
jake whimpered as his hands went to the sheets beside your head and gripped them, his thrusts now rough, long and deep.
he pulled out almost all the way before slamming back in, a strangled cry leaving his mouth again.
jake always gets drunk on you, drunk on your pussy, drunk on your skin, he just loves you so much.
“more, do it more.” you moaned, watching as jake took your words in, he continued his rhythm, but it was getting too much for him, you could see.
“im close, im so close, please,” he begs, his hips snapping quickly into your cunt, begging to be able to release, to fill you up.
“cum for me, pretty boy.” you pulled him down for a kiss, latching your lips onto his roughly as he whined against them, his hips stuttering before you felt him cum, his hips not stopping.
jake was too far gone in the pleasure now, he needed more. he needed to please you more.
he didnt stop, he pulled away from the kiss and watched as you came with him, how your body was twitching from the release, but he couldn’t stop.
“oh my god.” he whined, his hands moving back to your hips as he positioned himself closer, his hips fucking into you quickly, as quick as he could.
you saw stars, his tip hitting all the spots he needs to and when you looked down, you swore you could see a bulge in your stomach, the outline of his dick.
you were released from your thoughts as you heard a sob, looking up to see jake crying.
you giggled. he was feeling too good, he started to cry.
the wet sounds of his cock fucking into you drove him crazy, he was on a high.
“d-darling, you okay?” you moaned loud, you loved when he cried, how desperately he tries to please you.
“‘s so good,” he cried, already feeling like he needs to release again. “close,” he moaned.
“cum again for me,” you breathed out heavily, your legs twitching from the overstimulation.
jake nodded quickly and gave a few more thrusts before he was filling you again, his hips staying deep inside you as he fell onto your chest, his hips twitching.
“good boy..” you moaned, cumming along with him. you watched him lie there as he was out of breath.
“you did so good, always so pretty when you cry.” you praised, wiping the tears from his cheeks, he blushed.
