☆ `` SPECTRAL SCAMMERS ``
☆ — summary: when cartman comes up with yet another 'get rich quick' scheme, he forces his friends, and you, into starting a ghost hunting service. armed with a mix of makeshift equipment, a questionable van and no actual skills, you begin taking jobs to "exorcise" haunted houses.
cw: cartman, strong language, horror elements, mature content, very brief mention of sex, clyde is really dumb in this, extremely cringe, probably contains several grammar mistakes, not proof read!
(a/n): heyya! it's been quite a while since I wrote another chapter of this work... over a year, to be exact. i'm extremely sorry for giving you guys false hope this summer when I announced that I was gonna get back to writing, and eventually didn't post anything after that... i wrote about 7.5k words of spectral scammers, and dipped completely. it was just kind of stuck at that. you can kinda tell that my writing changes like halfway lol. i haven't actually written anything in quite a while... when I thought about continuing this fic a few days ago, I really wanted to scrap most of it due to how insufferable it seemed to me >.< it's really cringe, and I hate it a lot! but i'm a little proud of myself for actually finding motivation and going through with it! i spent several hours and sleepless night for this btw <3 literally blood, sweat and tears lol. but in about five days, I managed to write almost 10k words of this chapter! so here is the chapter some of you have been waiting for!
<- [PREVIOUS] — [NEXT] -> (incomplete)
The cafeteria was the same as always. Trays clattering, students yelling across the tables and muffled chatter. It was where you and your so called group of ghost hunters finally had a moment to process everything that happened the other night. The fact that ghosts truly existed, the fact that you've actually managed to 'banish' one, and the fact that Kenny's favourite girl doesn't work at Raisins anymore.
"I'm just saying." Clyde started, leaning back in his chair. "We should cash in on this whole ghost hunting crap while it's still hot. Chicks love a guy who flirts with death." He finished, smirking smugly, making you visibly cringe from his words alone.
"Oh really? Then how come you're still painfully single?" Stan asked sarcastically, barely even looking up at Clyde as he shoved fries in his mouth, hoping to finish them before Cartman found them.
Craig snorted from across the table. "Bold of you to assume any woman's ever looked at you and thought “Wow, that's the one. The guy with a fragile ego.” "
Before Clyde could respond with something pathetic, Cartman strutted in like God's least favorite mistake, slamming his tray down on the table like it owed him money.
"Alright fuckers, listen up!" He barked, eyes gleaming with whatever unholy plan was rotting in his skull.
"Christ, can't we have one lunch without you ruining it?" Kyle groaned, head leaning back. "You always show up and act like you just escaped a psych ward, it's fucking exhausting."
"Shut the fuck up Kahl, this is serious business!" Cartman shot back, completely unbothered by the multiple glares around the table. "I've got a job."
"Holy shit, really?" Stan's eyes widened, arms on the table as he looked up at Cartman in complete bewilderment. "Who the hell took your fatass in?"
"No, dickhead, I meant another gig for us! A three hundred fucking dollar gig." He smirked mischievously, glancing around at each of you.
The table fell silent. Not out of respect, just disbelief and a collective feeling of "Fuck no, not again."
"No." Stan broke the silence, not even hesitating. His eyes were fixed on Cartman's now angry expression, brows furrowing together.
"I haven't even told you the details yet!" Cartman snapped, flailing his hands around like that would change anyone's opinion.
"Still no." Stan repeated, dead serious as he crossed his arms. He wouldn't change his mind at all, no matter how much Cartman insisted.
"Harder pass than Clyde's sex life." Craig added, folding his arms across his chest, copying Stan's posture.
"Oh fuck all of you pussies!" Cartman hissed. "You freeloaders want to complain, but last time we made bank!"
"Bank? $25 counts as bank? I'm pretty sure I was inches away from being six feet underground. Do you know how a ghost's breath smells? Oh, right, you wouldn't know, cause you weren't the one who had Mary scream in their face!" You spoke up, the haunting memories of last night quickly showing up in your mind.
"Okay but this one's different!" Cartman waved off your trauma like it was a minor inconvenience. "This family is loaded, they eat fucking diamonds for breakfast loaded! Their mansion looks like a fucking haunted museum for tax evasion!"
"Why do I get the feeling you're exaggerating to hide something deeply fucked up?" Kyle asked, eyes narrowing as he squinted up at Cartman.
"Because he is." Craig answered flatly, elbow propped up on the table, cheek resting in his palm.
"Shut the fuck up Craig, nobody gives a flying fuck about your stupid ass opinion!" Cartman snapped, but he quickly took a deep breath to calm himself down a little. "Listen, we're talking $300 plus $100 so they can be the first house we cleanse of those evil yabadabadoo spirits or whatever. We're fucking busy people. And unlike you losers, I have marketable skills."
"What? We've got more on standby?" Kenny asked, lips parting in disbelief as he stared at Cartman with wide eyes.
"No you dumbass, it's a fucking lie." Cartman rolled his eyes, scoffing. "Leaving that aside, I led you hoes through our last job. Can't you dickheads at least praise me for the bank we made?"
"Yeah, you're amazing, thanks for the trip to Raisins and the 25 bucks we each got." You muttered, eyes half closed from the boring argument in front of you.
"See? At least someone here appreciates me— AY! I payed for your fucking orders at Raisins with my own fucking money!" Cartman immediately shot back, flipping you off with both hands. "But if I knew Clyde would've been such a fatass and get the whole fucking menu, I wouldn't have even considered using my own fucking money!"
"Look who's talking!" Clyde snapped, standing up so he would be at eye level with Cartman.
"Can you even see your fucking dick over that big ass stomach of yours?" Cartman added, leaning forward, fists on the table as he glared at Clyde.
"As a matter of fact, I can't see my stomach because of my big fucking dick!" He spat out, earning a snicker from Kenny.
"Jesus Christ, calm the fuck down!" Kyle stood up as well, turning to Clyde. "If you know he's a stupid bitch, the fuck are you getting your panties in a twist for?"
Clyde glanced at Kyle then sat down, crossing his arms over his chest as he glared daggers at Cartman.
"Enough with the interruptions! Can I fucking talk now?" Cartman sat down at the table as well now, rubbing his hands together and getting ready to eat his lunch.
"Fuck no." Craig mumbled, eyes locked on Cartman. You took a quick glance at the bored look on his face, then quickly turned your gaze to Cartman again.
"Shut the fuck up. Anyway!" Cartman dismissed him, smiling happily now. "Let me give you the details. This rich ass family is from some stupid ass town right next to ours. There's a bunch of rich people there, doesn't fucking matter. They've been complaining about some ghost who keeps messing with shit, they hear some stomping in the attic, some weird ass chair creaking— whatever, we'll see what the fuck is going on when we get there."
"So... You don't even know what you're getting us into? Absolutely no plan?" You asked, tilting your head to the side as you squinted at him.
"Since when did he have a plan, dumbass?" Craig turned to you as he rolled his eyes, leaning back.
"Oh, I don't know Tucker, since he ground up Scott Tenorman's parents into chilli and fed them to him?" You turned your gaze towards him, smiling a little. "That was a great plan by the way, you're a genius." You then said, looking at Cartman now.
"Yes, yes I know, no need to flatter me." He waved his hands in front of him, grinning at the sarcastic praise. "So who's in?"
"I'm not going by the way." Kenny spoke up, shaking his head as he shrugged casually.
"We'll go to raisins again after we finish the job, and since I'm so generous, I'll be paying—"
"Fuck yeah, I'm in!" Kenny exclaimed happily, smiling joyfully.
"Shit, I'm in too then." Clyde shrugged, smirking as he licked his lips, earning a very loud groan from Kyle.
"I'm paying for everybody except you." Cartman yelled out, pointing at Clyde, ignoring the multiple glances he got from the other students in the cafeteria. They were already used to this by now.
"That's bullshit. I'm still in, fatass." Clyde stuck his tongue out at Cartman, mocking him.
"Great, great! Two people— three actually, already in on the gig! Now let's see how many pussies will end up staying back in their boring ass homes." Cartman grinned, leaning into the table, waiting to hear another “i'm in”.
"There's no possible way you can convince me to join. Not this time, not ever." Craig stared at Cartman, dead serious.
"You know what? I'm in too." You surprisingly said out loud, a determined expression on your face. It was a big shock since you actually threw up two times yesterday every time you remembered Mary screaming in your face. It was either those memories, or all the shit you ate at Raisins.
"Oh for fuck's sake... Count me in." Craig mumbled, joining team badasses as well. What made him suddenly change his mind? We'll never know.
"Jesus Craig, you too?" Kyle looked at Craig with wide eyes, jaw practically dropped. "I thought you were smarter than that."
"Uh, excuse me?" You gave Kyle a side eye, brows furrowing together. He quickly glanced at you after hearing your voice.
"And you too. I thought you were... Better than that." He muttered before looking away, avoiding eye contact.
"S-Shit... I'm in..." Tweek, who hasn't spoken a single word since lunch started, finally decided to join in on the conversation.
"Well look at that. Six members of the ‘i'm way better than you’ club, we make such a great team! And then there's the pussy club. Fucking pussies. Always the pussies." Cartman proudly yelled out, glancing around the table.
"Fuck you dude, I'm in." Stan suddenly snapped, glaring at Cartman as if he himself didn't decide to join.
"What the fuck Stan?!" Kyle turned to his best friend, eyes wide. "Are you serious? Fuck you all. You're a bunch of dumbasses." He added, seeming to be the only person with a brain at the table. "...I'm in."
"Yes! Yes, I fucking knew you'd fold!" Cartman laughed out loud, pointing at Kyle with the biggest grin on his face.
"Shut the fuck up fatass, one more word and I'm punching your ugly ass face." Kyle spat out, eyes narrowing at Cartman, glaring straight at him.
"Oh, Jesus, this is gold." Cartman pretended to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye, his laughter slowly stopping. "Anyway, meet me at my house at 6pm. By the time we'll find the ghost the sun's gonna set. It's cooler when it's all scary and dark outside."
The sun was slowly setting, yet Cartman was nowhere to be seen. You all stood on his porch, waiting for that stupid fucking fatass to walk out the door and just get inside the van already.
What's taking him so long?" Clyde whined, pacing around the porch. "Is he stuffing his ugly face again? What a fatass..."
"This is Cartman we're talking about. What do you expect?" Stan, who was sitting on the steps next to Kenny, rolled his eyes.
"How the hell is he late to his own plan?" Kyle muttered, sighing to himself, arms crossed as he leaned against the wall next to the door.
"I-I think Clyde already gave us a pretty obvious answer..." Tweek replied, fidgeting with his fingers as he glanced at the door for the hundredth time in the last ten minutes.
Kenny sat cross legged on the stairs, flipping a coin up in the air, glancing towards Kyle's frustrated expression for a brief moment. "He's probably shoving food in his backpack for the road. Like a mini fridge."
"Wouldn't surprise me..." Kyle sighed, his brows furrowing together as he glanced towards the unmoving front door.
You leaned against the wall next to Kyle, trying to ignore the ache in your legs from standing too long. A quiet chuckle caught your attention, and you turned to see Craig looking at you with a slight smirk.
"You think it's worth the thirty something dollars we'll get?" He asked, his voice monotone despite the small and barely noticeable smirk on his face.
"It better be." You replied, folding your arms over your chest and staring down at your shoes. "I've got assignments to do."
"I'm sure the ghosts will be super impressed with your GPA." He shrugged, tilting his head to the side slightly, waiting for you to look up again.
"You see, Craig, I actually kinda care for my future and what shitty job I'll be stuck with for the rest of my life." You shot back, frowning a little as you finally locked eyes with him. "Some of us don't get endless allowance."
"Allowance? What am I, twelve?" He asked, raising a brow. His voice didn't change, but you caught the quick scoff under his breath.
"You sure act like it sometimes." You mumbled, giving him a quick judgemental look before avoiding eye contact once more.
"Get a room." Stan scoffed, rolling his eyes, not even looking at any of you, just straight ahead. Not that there was anything interesting in front, but it's way better than seeing any of his friends' ugly faces.
Neither you or Craig replied to that. You both knew better than to do so. Although you could clearly feel the heat rush up to your face, making you turn your head away from everybody so they couldn't see you. Kyle glanced at the two of you, noticing your silence, but he didn't say anything either.
"You're such a pain in the ass..." You whispered under your breath, and Craig clearly heard that. He just glanced at you, the corner of his lips turning upwards, forming a subtle smirk.
He opened his mouth, but before he could fire back, the front door slammed open with a bang loud enough to make Tweek jump.
"Alright, fuckers, let's go!" Cartman announced, dragging a black duffel bag behind him.
"Fucking finally." Kyle muttered, rolling his eyes as he pushed off the wall with a sigh. "What took you so long?"
"Unlike you freeloaders, I had to make some important preparations." Cartman answered as he puffed his chest out proudly.
"Y-You mean you were raiding the kitchen." Tweek mumbled dryly, fighting the urge to roll his eyes at Cartman's bullshit.
"Shut the fuck up." Cartman dismissed him. "Now, assholes, we have $300 waiting for us, so get the fuck up and in the damn van!" He ordered, pointing at the same van of unspeakable mechanical horrors you used last time.
Everybody groaned as they sat up, shuffling towards the driveway, where the van, deemed ‘very high risk and potentially deadly’ by multiple credible sources, was parked terribly by none other than Cartman himself.
You all forced yourselves to enter the portable rust museum, also known as the van that needed to be started by turning the key, tapping the dashboard twice and whispering "please" in just the right tone.
The van was as awful as ever. It smelled like old fast food and regret. The seats were uncomfortable, the air conditioning barely worked, and the back row was packed with too many people, leaving barely any room to breathe.
Cartman had actually duct taped and tied car seats into the van. Duct taped. Tied down. Using duct tape. And ropes. Two seats right behind the passenger and driver seat, then three seats in the back. You have no idea where he got those seats from, and you'd rather not ask.
Cartman sat in the driver's seat, gripping the wheel like he was in Fast and Furious, despite the fact that he was the worst driver in existence.
Kyle sat up front, because he absolutely refused to be anywhere near the mess that was happening in the back. Stan sat behind you in the very last row, squished between Kenny and Clyde, while Tweek twitched anxiously in the corner. Craig, of course, had somehow managed to take the spot next to you. Because the universe hated you.
As if that wasn't bad enough, your seat had a gum stuck to it. Right where you're supposed to rest your thigh. Who the fuck just sticks gum to a car seat?
"It smells like something died in here." You grumbled, scrunching your nose as you adjusted yourself.
"That would be you." Craig said without missing a beat, not even looking away from the window.
"Showers, Craig. Showers." You muttered back immediately.
Craig just hummed in response, nodding mindlessly. He wasn't even trying to argue with you now, which somehow made it worse. And as if sensing your discomfort caused by the dirty seat, he immediately spoke up. "I like watching you suffer."
You narrowed your eyes. Just how much more frustrating could he get? "If you keep acting like such an asshole I might have to beat the shit out of you."
"You'll what?" Craig interrupted, finally looking away from the window and straight at you. His voice was still monotone, but there was amusement in his eyes. "Beat me up? I could pin you down in five seconds."
You could feel the heat rise to your face from the phrasing. "Oh I'd love to see you try."
"You'd like that, huh?" Craig smirked, tilting his head to the side. Your jaw clenched. Fucking asshole.
"Okay, can you two stop making this van hornier than it needs to be?" Kenny snickered from the back.
"I'm not the one making it horny." You turned in your seat, defending yourself.
"Yeah, sure." Kenny grinned. "Craig's all like 'I could pin you down', and you're just eating that up, huh?"
"Shut up." You mumbled, crossing your arms. Craig just let out a small breath of laughter, leaning back in his seat.
Stan, ignoring the conversation completely, sighed. "How long is this drive again?" He hated being squished between the dirtiest boys in America.
"Like thirty minutes. Maybe shorter, unless Cartman crashes and we all die." Kyle answered the question, checking to see if he was wearing his seatbelt for the tenth time since he sat down.
"If I did crash, it would be on purpose just to take you with me, Kahl." Cartman declared, smirking.
"Sounds romantic." Clyde mumbled quietly as Kenny snickered.
Kyle glared at Cartman, brows furrowed together. "You're not funny."
"I'm hilarious." Cartman replied, turning up the radio as if to shut him up.
The van rattled down the nearly empty road. The town was behind you all now, replaced by creepy trees surrounding the barely visible road as darkness practically swallowed the van. For some reason, you started getting further and further away from civilization. Didn't Cartman say it was just next town? The road was winding, the sky even darker now, the only source of light coming from the van's weak ass headlights.
It would've been silent if Cartman didn't decide to sing his heart out. "Oops, I did it again! I played with your heart—"
"Why can't I see at least one house? There's just open fields. Cults love open fields." Kenny interrupted the music and pointed out, which meant that he also noticed.
"Because these assholes just seem to be living in the middle of nowhere." Cartman shrugged, smiling happily as he drove even faster, clearly over the speed limit.
"Didn't you say the job was in some random ass town next to us?" Stan sat up a little, elbowing both Kenny and Clyde so he could get some more space.
"When was I ever honest? It's your fault for believing me, fucking dumbasses." Cartman cackled to himself as he replied, looking at Stan's irritated face from the rear view mirror.
"This is so creepy..." Clyde muttered, glancing out the window. "Why are rich people always living in the middle of nowhere? What if they're, like, murderers?"
"They're paying us." Cartman reminded him. "So unless they kill you whiny bitches after I get all the money, I don't really care."
"You ever notice how in horror movies, the car always breaks down?" Kenny pointed out, glancing around the van. "That shit happened last time. Maybe it was a warning for us to stop doing this shit."
"Don't jinx it." Stan shut him up immediately, already getting goosebumps.
"Yeah, l-let's not do that." Tweek stuttered, gripping the seat like it was his lifeline.
The road ahead was swallowed by thick fog. It had rolled out of nowhere, heavy and disturbing, clinging to the ground like something alive.
"Woah." Kyle muttered, sitting up. "Where the hell did this fog come from?"
Cartman squinted. "Pfft. Who cares? Just a little—"
"AY! Who the fuck cut off Britney?!" Cartman shouted, slapping the radio a couple of times.
Static crackled through the speakers, followed by something you couldn't quite give a description to. It was like a voice, but layered, multiple voices speaking at once, whispering.
The van went completely silent.
"What the fuck—" Clyde started, eyes widening as his gaze was fixed on Kenny's equally terrified expression.
The headlights flickered, the fog outside seemed to press against the windows. The whispering in the radio grew louder, a creaky groan echoing through the speakers like the sound of a ship, the sound of waves.
Cartman shut the radio off instantly. The van was silent again, save for the faint rattling of the road beneath you.
"Nope." Kenny broke the silence, clapping his hands. "We're turning the fuck around."
"We should have never taken this shitty fucking gig—!" Tweek cried out, grabbing onto Clyde's arm.
"Did— Did anyone else hear that?" Clyde asked, voice shaking slightly.
"Of course we fucking heard it." Kyle snapped, gripping the dashboard. "What the fuck was that?"
Cartman cleared his throat, adjusting his grip on the wheel. "Alright, uh. New rule. No touching anything unless I say so."
"I thought that rule already existed?" Clyde pointed out, but it fell to deaf ears as everyone seemed to ignore him.
"We haven't even gotten to the house yet, and we already get fucked." Kyle practically hissed, rubbing his temples.
Craig, who had been silent this whole time, let out a slow exhale. "Looks like we're dealing with a pirate ghost."
You turned to him, the look on your face clearly meant you were judging him as you stared him up and down. "That's what you have to say?"
"What, did you want me to scream in terror?" He deadpanned, raising a brow. "I heard waves, I thought pirates. As simple as that."
You stared at him in complete silence, looking at him as if he just escaped the psych ward, clearly judging him.. "Huh, you really do act like you're twelve."
"Okay, okay." Cartman started, shaking off whatever unease had settled in the van. "We're almost there, and we already took half the money, so we have to do this job."
"You took the money before doing the job?!" Kyle shouted, turning to look at Cartman.
"Hey, only half you dumbass!" Cartman snapped. "What if these rich assholes wanted to back out?"
Kyle looked like he was about to strangle him. It took every muscle in his body to keep himself seated. "Well what if we wanted to back out?!"
"Alright." Stan interrupted with a frustrated sigh. "Let's just get this over with. Keep driving." He attempted to calm them down.
Cartman rolled his eyes with a huff, turning the radio on again, volume at max as he continued singing along. The van rattled on, moving deeper into the fog.
The van screeched to a stop. Cartman parked it at a chaotic angle that you would've normally scolded him for. But since no one else was dumb enough to be driving down this godforsaken road, you let it slide.
"Alright assholes, get the fuck out!" Cartman ordered, yanking off his seatbelt instead of unbuckling it like any other sane person would do.
Kyle whipped his head toward him from the passenger seat, eyes wide in pure disbelief mixed in with a little annoyance. "The fuck do you mean 'get out'?"
To be fair, Kyle wasn't overreacting. You were quite literally in the middle of nowhere. Miles of empty road stretched ahead, trees crowding in on both sides and not a single sign of civilization. Cartman was fucking schizophrenic.
"I said what I said, Jew!" Cartman shouted at him. "The house is in the fucking forest. F-O-R-E-S-T. Isn't it obvious?"
"You're just flexing your spelling skills on us!" Clyde cut in, folding his arms across his chest.
"No I honestly thought you were hallucinating for a second there but sure, go on." You said, shrugging and glancing out at the dark wall of trees. The sun had almost completely vanished, leaving just enough light to remind you how creepy this was. A perfect time for murder.
"Yeah fuck you too." Cartman muttered, turning to glare at you for a split second. Then he glanced at the rest of the group. "We have flashlights for a fucking reason! I didn't buy that shit for nothing."
"I-I'm not going!" Tweek blurted, arms wrapped around himself like he was bracing for impact. "I-I don't care— I'm not doing this!" His voice cracked so hard it could've shattered glass.
"I don't care how much of a pussy you are!" Cartman's gaze snapped to him. "You wanna sit here alone? In the middle of nowhere?"
Tweek froze, obviously realizing that was also a nightmare scenario. Being murdered with people was still better than being murdered completely alone.
You didn't like seeing Tweek so unsure and scared, even if that was quite often. "Who says I'm going? I'll stay here with Tweek." You declared, crossing your arms in the most stubborn way possible. You noticed how Tweek's shoulders relaxed a little.
"I'm staying here too." Kyle chimed in immediately, eyes narrowed and brows slightly furrowed. He didn't wanna leave the two of you alone. "I'm not leaving this van."
"You're all pussies." Cartman groaned, dragging his hands through his hair like the three of you personally ruined his life. "Fine, be pathetic pussies together. You're not getting paid." He turned his head to look behind him, straight at you. "And I will tell everybody that one time you—"
"For heaven's sake I'm coming!" You quickly interrupted him, groaning and already regretting everything as you blushed slightly. That was supposed to stay between the two of you. Nobody could ever hear that, ever.
"What am I missing?" Craig's back straightened a little, his lips curling into a small smirk as he raised a brow.
"Unfortunately I cannot tell you." Cartman's gaze went back and forth between you and Craig. "Maybe one day, Craig. Maybe one day."
Kenny's eyes lit up, brows raised as he grinned. "Oh, I think I know! Is it about that one time she—"
"Shut the fuck up!" Cartman interrupted him, eyebrows knitting together. "How the fuck am I supposed to blackmail her if you tell everybody in here the secret?!"
"Wait, he knows?" You quickly cut him off, eyes widening in horror. "You told Kenny the secret?" You scoffed in disbelief, feeling more heat rush up to your face. "He runs his mouth! That was supposed to stay between us, nobody else!"
"Well it might've slipped at some point, alright?!" Cartman waved his hand in front of you, as if dismissing your embarrassment. "It's hard to keep such gold all to myself!" He cackled mischievously.
"Don't worry babe, nothing to worry about." Kenny grinned ear to ear now, leaning back and relaxing as if he wasn't embarrassing you even more now. "I won't tell anyone, I promise."
"Swear on your dick." You practically hissed, squinting at him. You had to make sure. Had to be one hundred percent sure that he won't tell a soul.
His grin turned into a small smirk. "I, Kenneth McCormick, swear on my dick, that I will never tell any living being, the secret." He vowed, one hand on his heart and the other raised up in the air.
"Okay enough with the gay shit." Cartman chimed in, getting impatient. "Those rich assholes are waiting for us. So let's get going already!"
You all collectively groaned as Cartman grabbed a box from God knows where that had all sorts of equipment, including flashlights. The only problem? There were only four. You were eight people.
"We will all get grouped into teams of two for this." Cartman announced, pointing to the box. "And if I hear any of you hoes complain about me acting like this is a group project, I will fuck you up."
"We'll split up?" Clyde asked, absolutely mortified. They've been talking about how horror movies start for the whole ride here. There's no way he's splitting up.
"Fuck no, I'm not dumb. There's simply gonna be teams of two. One person is gonna hold the flashlight, the other has to cling to them and let the other one guide them." Cartman explained as if it was obvious.
"You're acting as if the person who doesn't have a flashlight can't walk on their own. It's just dark, nobody has to cling to anyone." Stan muttered, arms folded over his chest.
"Shut the fuck up. Now let me announce the teams!" The so called leader declared happily, glancing at the irritated expressions plastered on everybody's face.
"Can't we pick who we wanna be with?" You asked, already knowing who you'll be paired up with.
"Where's the fun in that?" He grinned, looking at Kyle. "You're with me, Jew."
"Why are you picking me?" Kyle scoffed in disbelief, very well aware that he won't be the one holding the flashlight.
"Because we're teaming up in order. I'm with you. Craig's with [Y/N], Kenny's with Stan and Clyde's with Tweek. Aren't I a genius?" He explained, his pointer finger jamming itself into his temple.
"I'm holding the flashlight." Stan called dibs immediately, raising one hand up in the air for emphasis. Kenny didn't seem to mind, shrugging casually.
You all piled out of the van, and before anyone could even comprehend where they were at, Tweek stepped directly into a twig. The snap echoed through the silent road, making both him and Clyde shriek. Two seconds later, they realized it was just a stick and not a serial killer, both letting out an exhale in relief.
The air outside was fresh, chill, and way more breathable than the toxic chamber you'd just been trapped in. You inhaled deeply, half expecting your lungs to write a thank you letter. The inside of the van smelled like nothing but doom and despair, and fresh air felt like a miracle you didn't deserve.
Stan and Kenny were surprisingly and probably the only sane partnership in the group. Stan clutched the flashlight he called dibs on earlier, and unlike half the idiots here, the two of them actually checked if the flashlight had any batteries.
Clyde and Tweek, on the other hand, were a match made in absolute uselessness, shaking so hard they could probably generate electricity if they stood close enough. Clyde was holding the flashlight Cartman tossed him like it was a bomb about to go off, but knowing Cartman, you don't blame him.
Meanwhile, Kyle and Cartman were stuck together. Cartman seemed so passionate about being paired up with Kyle, but right now, he started acting like he was forced to team up.
You and Craig? "Team" was a strong word.
"You stepped on my shoe." He muttered, looking down at his sneakers before his gaze snapped back to you.
"Boo hoo bitch." You mumbled back, barely audible as you turned on the flashlight Cartman generously threw at you earlier.
"Okay, so which way are we going?" Kyle asked, peering down both sides of the empty, dark road.
"Are you a fucking dumbass? Why the hell do you think I parked on this side?" Cartman snapped, swinging his flashlight towards the trees. "Come on, assholes, I'm the only one here with a brain."
"We're so gonna get lost, dude..." Stan groaned, yanking Kenny out of his spaced out haze by the shoulder, dragging him forward before the blonde boy wandered off.
"W-Who the hell made m-me participate in this shit..." Tweek stammered, walking closely next to Clyde, his heartbeat increasing and ears ringing from the silence.
Clyde, for reasons unknown to science, had gone from terrified to looking like this was the best day of his life. One second he was about to shit his pants, the next he was almost skipping.
Four flashlights cut through the dark, illuminating a skinny dirt road that slithered into the trees. Cartman walked at the front fearlessly, Kyle trailing right behind him. The rest of you followed close behind, because apparently none of you valued your lives enough to turn back.
You'd been walking for ten minutes. Which normally wouldn't bother you. But in pitch black woods with branches occasionally clawing at your arms and shadows swallowing the thin road, it felt like hours. Everything felt too suffocating. It was all too loud and too silent at the same time.
Clyde, being the dumbass he was, kept shining his flashlight into everybody's eyes, laughing and thinking he was hilarious while everybody else wanted to strangle him.
"Dude, knock it off." Stan groaned, shoving his own flashlight beam right back into Clyde's face, blinding him.
Meanwhile, you approached Cartman, walking closer to him. "Are you sure you know where we're going?" You asked, concern laced in your voice.
"Last time I checked, we're not teammates. Talk to your own bitch boy." He snapped, waving you off dramatically. He was surely hiding the fact that he had no idea where he was going, which only worried you more.
You shot a glance to Kyle, who only seemed to give you an apologetic look, before he continued focusing straight ahead, flashlight illuminating the road. You weren't convinced.
You slowed your steps, waiting for Craig to catch up. He was dragging his feet like he had all the time in the world, which definitely irritated you. At least he wasn't being loud and stupid like the others.
When you looked back, though, the group wasn't moving. They were all stopped dead in their tracks, staring ahead. You raised a brow in confusion, getting closer to take a look. The road was split into two.
"Alright genius." Kyle sighed, slowly turning his head towards him. "Where do we go now?" He questioned, crossing his arms as he awaited his teammate's reply.
"Shut the fuck up! Can you hear that?" He shushed everyone, finger raised in the air like some kind of prophet. The forest was dead silent except for crickets. "Yes, yes I can sense it!" He exclaimed, arms extending at his sides, head tilted up as he took a deep breath.
"What the fuck are you doing." Kyle grumbled, running a hand down his face, staring icly at Cartman's absurd pose. To say he was disappointed was an understatement.
"There's only one answer. And since I'm always right..." He took another deep breath, his left arm falling down and swaying at his side, while his right one pointed towards the path on the right. "This one! Right it is!"
"H-How are you so sure?" Tweek questioned, voice slightly hushed as he fidgeted with his sleeves. "A-All you did was make it seem like you were about t-to ascend into space."
"Don't question me. I just know this one's the correct one." Cartman dismissed the blonde, not even bothering to make a group decision as he waltzed straight toward the path on the right.
"Do we follow him or...?" You raised a brow, pointing your flashlight at Cartman. He wasn't even looking back.
"He's gone insane." Craig muttered, shockingly even more worried than you. "We don't wanna be associated with a psychopath." He added in a whisper.
"Holy shit. I'm fucking done." Stan snapped, spinning on his heel. He marched down the left path with no hesitation, dragging Kenny by his parka. The sound of their shoes crunching dirt felt final.
"Wait— where are you going?!" Clyde called after them, swinging his flashlight between Stan and Cartman like he couldn't pick a side. Nobody answered him.
Cartman didn't slow down once, clearly assuming that everyone else was still trailing after his fat ass. Kyle bit his bottom lip, his jaw tight as he cursed under his breath. "Jesus... Fuck it." He muttered, following after Stan and Kenny instead.
Clyde and Tweek didn't think twice before following Kyle, sticking close to him since he didn't have someone to light the way due to leaving his own teammate. They trusted the brains of the group more than Cartman's insane theatrics. Hard to blame them.
You were frozen in place, unsure of who to follow, unconsciously nibbling on your bottom lip. Stan was easily more trustworthy, but Cartman did say he knew the location better. Your chest squeezed tighter with every second you hesitated.
A hand landed on your shoulder, steady and calm. Before you could even flinch, Craig was suddenly at your side. "Let's go." He encouraged, his hand slowly trailing down to your lower back as he nudged you forward.
If it was so cold outside, why were you magically getting so hot? Why were your palms getting sweaty? Why was your heart racing?
The road turned out to be way skinnier than it looked, and within seconds, everyone was getting bitch slapped by branches. Every few steps came with another smack to the face, and no one was safe from the tree abuse. If this was the clearly and definitely better path, you couldn't begin to imagine what kind of hellhole the right one was.
Your palms grew sweaty, the classic sign that your survival instincts were screaming at you to turn the fuck around and crawl back into the van. Who knew what other horrors awaited you there. Spiderwebs kept tangling in your hair, and Clyde was apparently the magnet of the group, walking head first into every one with a shriek. Just to make life worse, the ground slowly turned swampy, squelching under your steps. Your shoes were definitely ruined.
"I-Is it just me or are the trees closing in on us?" Tweek stammered, practically fusing himself to Clyde and Kyle. His wide eyes darted around the dark branches, voice pitching higher with every word. "It— It feels like we're about to get crushed alive!"
"Relax! It's probably just— ah, fuck." Kenny cursed under his breath. You quickly flashed your light toward him, and sure enough, his entire left foot was buried in ankle deep mud. He yanked on his leg, but he couldn't get it free, flailing like he stepped into quicksand.
"Dude, hurry the fuck up." Stan sighed, brows knitting together. He hooked his arm around Kenny's, yanking hard like this was another chore. The mud, however, did not give a shit.
"I can't! I'm stuck!" Kenny barked back, gripping Stan's arm as both of them tugged to no avail. Neither of them were making any progress. "For fuck's sake just leave me behind." He huffed, refusing to move.
"Are you crazy?" You snapped, grabbing Kenny's other arm like the responsible civilian you apparently were. "Stop trying to act all heroic. This isn't a horror movie."
After way too much struggling, Kenny's leg popped free. The only problem was that his shoe did not survive. The mud greedily swallowed it down like a sacrifice, and within seconds it vanished beneath the muck like it had never existed.
"What the fuck?" Kyle's voice cracked, eyes bugging out as he pointed at the cursed spot in disbelief. Everyone staggered back onto firmer ground, flashlights shaking as you tried to get your shit together. "That's impossible. Why did it—" Kyle's brain was short circuiting as he struggled to express his concerns.
And because th universe clearly hated you all, Clyde's flashlight started flickering. "What the—?!" Clyde, being the complete moron he was, immediately panicked and dropped his flashlight, watching it roll into a bush farther away from the group.
"W-What the actual fuck, Clyde?!" Tweek screeched, grabbing Clyde by his shoulder's and shaking him like he was trying to rattle the stupid out of him. "I-It was just flickering!" His voice cracked so hard you were pretty sure only dogs heard the last syllable.
"It was possessed!" Clyde defended himself, grabbing Tweek's hands and shoving them away from his shoulders. "I swear! I saw it— that's not normal!" He added, shaking his head aggressively.
"It's probably just running out of batteries, idiot." Stan shrugged casually, sounding like he couldn't care less that you were now down another light source. "There are seven of us and only two working flashlights left. Go fetch it."
Clyde's jaw dropped like he just got a death sentence. He spun around with wide eyes, desperately searching for a sign that this was just a joke. "You've got to be fucking kidding me. I'm not going in there alone!"
"W-Well tough shit, nobody's going with you!" Tweek shouted right in his face, shoving him toward the bush like a soldier sending his buddy to war. "G-Go get it!"
You weren't sure what the hell possessed you, but suddenly, against all logic, you felt bad for Clyde. And before you could even comprehend the words coming out of your mouth, your vocal chords betrayed you. "I'll check with him."
Clyde latched onto you instantly, clinging to you like you were his savior. "I knew someone here had a heart!" He beamed, grinning ear to ear like a dumbass. "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, and especially fuck you!" He flipped everyone off, almost as if the spirit of Craig Tucker overtook him.
"It's literally two feet away, I don't get why you're so scared." You muttered, grabbing his sleeve and dragging him towards the bush. "Here, look for it, I'll shine my light." Your tone was flat, because you honestly were already regretting your decision.
"That's it? That's your big heroic act?" Clyde whined, crouching down with a pout, giving you a squinty look. "You're just gonna stand there? I thought you were helping me." He mumbled.
"I never said I'd help." You replied, flashlight beam purposefully hitting him square in the face. He hissed, squinting and shielding his eyes as he turned his head away from you. "All I said was I'd check it out with you."
"Fine..." He groaned, dropping to his knees on the ground. Grumbling the entire time, he started feeling around in the dark, trying to find his flashlight.
"I can literally see it from here." You sighed, angling your flashlight to shine right on his, pointing it out. "How are you this blind, Dora?"
"Oh, I found it!" Clyde suddenly perked up, gripping something in the shadows and tugging hard on it. Suddenly, that very "something" yanked right back, pulling itself away from him. Clyde stumbled forward like he was about to get dragged to hell.
You didn't even look back. Fuck Clyde. You bolted ahead of the group, somehow now being in front of them. You could hear Clyde's shriek echo, sticks loudly crunching beneath his shoes as he caught up.
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death—" He wheezed, finally catching up to you, panting like he smoked three packs before this. "Why the fuck did you leave me behind?!" He shouted, head sharply turning to glare daggers at you.
"Fight or flight response!" You shrieked out, lungs on fire as you slowed down just enough to not collapse, taking deep breaths of the cold air. "I didn't mean to!" You lied, crouching down slightly and waiting for the rest to catch up.
Craig somehow got there first, hand pressing gently against your back as you straightened your posture, still breathing heavily. "You alright? What the hell just happened?" He asked, concern laced in his voice.
"Oh yeah, so I just don't exist anymore." Clyde threw his arms up dramatically. "You should ask me first, you know." He placed both of his hands on his chest.
Before Craig could respond, you jumped in, words tumbling out. "I'm fine. Something grabbed Clyde and—" You inhaled sharply, your brain still trying to make sense of the shit you just witnessed.
"Hold the fuck up." Kenny blinked as the rest finally stumbled over. "Something grabbed Clyde?" Everyone froze, their faces a mix of confusion and horror, all waiting for your explanation.
"Something big grabbed me. It was like, huge!" Clyde interrupted. "I almost got dragged into the bush and eaten alive by a ghost, or an alien, or a demon, or some fucked up hybrid of all three!" He answered, nodding his head as he went on with his heavily detailed explanation.
"[Y/N], what happened?" Kyle cut in, gently pushing Craig aside to inspect you himself. He scanned you from head to toe, and you felt heat rush up to your face.
"Oh okay, I see how it is." Clyde complained, arms folding across his chest as he turned his back to all of you.
"I don't really know." You admitted, trying to diffuse the chaos. "I just saw Clyde grab something, thinking it was his flashlight, but... It just kinda pulled back. Like an animal or something..." You tried your best to clarify, still a little shaken up. "And Clyde kinda stumbled forward and almost face planted, then I uh... I just kinda ran away." Yeah, it sounded just as dumb out loud.
"Don't stress!" Kenny reassured you with a lopsided smile, his tone annoyingly calm and soft. "It's alright. It was probably just a raccoon or something."
"But if I ran you would call me a pussy." Clyde yelled again, refusing to face the group, his tantrum echoing through the trees. Everybody seemed to ignore him completely.
You all resumed walking shortly after, and with each step you took, you started feeling more and more unsettled by your surroundings. Tweek's constant anxious rambling didn't help your paranoia either. You swore there was something following you. Something that wasn't apart of your group.
If you felt like you were being watched, you most probably were.
You couldn't help but check over your shoulder again, trying to reassure yourself that nothing was there and that you were just a delusional bitch. All you could see other than Craig's stupid face was an empty void of darkness surrounded by trees. Nothing was just as disturbing as something.
You suddenly felt a hand on your shoulder, and you knew it couldn't be Craig's considering you were currently watching him. Before you could jump back, you heard the person next to you speak up. "What's up with you?" It was Kyle's voice, thank God.
You turned your head towards him and sighed in relief now that you knew you wouldn't die today. "I don't wanna sound like Tweek right now, but I swear there's something following us." You muttered, voice low in hopes that Tweek wouldn't somehow overhear and panic even more.
Kyle's brows furrowed together, turning his head around to check as well. After scanning the area for a good ten seconds, his gaze returns to yours. "You're schizophrenic."
"Screw you." You elbowed him in the ribs, causing the redhead to immediately release his hold on your shoulder, instead grabbing at his side and scrunching his shirt as he winced.
"Ow, you're an asshole..." He breathed out, huffing as he turned back to Stan and Kenny, leaving you alone once more. You honestly wanted him back...
"What'd he do?" Craig suddenly appeared beside you on your other side, which caused you to instantly flinch before pressing a hand on your chest. Jesus Christ, what was up with these fuckers sneaking around and teleporting next to you?
"Call me a schizophrenic." You replied, shaking your head slightly as you tried to get closer to the rest. Everybody was in front of you, and you sure as hell didn't wanna get grabbed first by whatever the fuck was coming to get you and give the others a chance to escape.
Craig's eyebrows raised a little bit, seemingly confused, before they knitted together. "You're a schizophrenic." Even if your eyes were facing forward, you could feel his gaze fixed on you.
You gave him a quick glance, not even bothering to reply. You were starting to think that he was slower than Clyde, and that was saying something.
"Yo, guys, look!" Clyde's voice suddenly interrupted the eery silence. It was weird how joyful he was, considering the fact that just a couple of minutes ago he was running for his life. He pointed ahead, and as you looked closer, you could notice some lamps illuminating the road. When you looked beneath you, the dirty ground turned into smooth stone. You were probably getting close to your destination.
"Great job Clyde." Craig started from next to you, a small, rare smirk forming on his lips as he kept walking way too close to you.
You watched as Kenny started sprinting ahead, lacking a shoe and his own brain as well. Clyde immediately followed him, and eventually, so did Tweek. Kyle snickered as Stan sighed, shaking his head, before turning his gaze towards you and Craig.
As you continued walking, you noticed the perfectly kept stone road widen and cut through the trees, leading to towering iron gates set between polished stone pillars. The gates were ornate rather than threatening, curving patterns of roses and vines worked into the metal.
Perched on top of the pillars are two statues of marble moose, their antlers stretching high, standing proudly as if they were guardians of the estate themselves. They threw you off a little, if you were completely honest...
Beyond the gate, the mansion stands in full view. It's large and elegant, built from pale stone. Tall windows reflect the trees like mirrors, and ivy has been carefully trained to frame the walls instead of overtake them.
At the center of the front courtyard sits a grand fountain. Crystal clear water spills from tier to tier, catching the light as it falls. At the top stands a sculpted figure, an angel or a nymph, you can't exactly tell. Damn these people were rich.
As you walk through the suspiciously and concerningly open gates, gravel crunches neatly underfoot, the path perfectly maintained, lined with trimmed hedges and low lanterns that would glow warmly at night.
And at the top of a short set of pristine steps, the front doors are practically waiting to be burst into. Tall, polished wood with gold detailing, flawless and inviting. It's like these people were begging you to rob them. Did this place have any cameras?
"Holy fuck Cartman wasn't lying." Stan broke the silence, eyes wide in surprise as he admired the beauty and elegance this place radiated.
"Motherfuckers!" You suddenly heard an incredibly annoying voice shout towards you. And that annoying voice belonged to Cartman. "Where the fuck have you bitches been?!"
"Cartman?" You trailed off, eyes slowly widening. How was he even alive? Didn't he like, choose the worst path imaginable that was probably leading him to inevitable death?
"I have had it with you fuckers ruining everything!" He started approaching you. You focused behind him, and noticed a tall, elegant woman, standing next to her husband. They both seemed to look around fourth. "I already asked to the owners and all that shit until you assholes showed up!"
"Wait, wait, you're telling me you arrived here earlier than us?" Kenny suddenly cut in, walking closer and inspecting Cartman to make sure he wasn't a ghost.
"Of course I fucking did!" Cartman threw his arms up, earning a frustrated groan from Stan. "What the hell took you so long— where the fuck is your shoe?!"
"Weird, scary, magical mud or something I don't fucking know!" Kenny yelled out, hiding his foot that lacked a shoe behind his other one. "That forest is scary, don't even start."
Cartman snickered, but he didn't seem amused at all. "Scary? You're just a bunch of pussies!" He yelled in Kenny's face, spit probably flying from his mouth. That breath stank, you were sure of it. "That was the most peaceful walk I've had in years!"
The whole group collectively glanced at each other, not saying anything. You were all apparently dumbasses. You couldn't even believe that Cartman was actually right for once. Nobody would admit it, though.
"Alright, here's the details." Cartman suddenly calmed down, trying to act more professional, remembering that he was currently being watched by people who could literally buy him. "They have this little attic at the top, and nobody has dared enter that room in ages." He began, carefully analyzing each of you. "And they're hearing footsteps from there, and their youngest son hears whispers and shit. Something about 'thieves'. They're too scared to check themselves cause they value their lives too much so they decided to call up on some teenagers to risk it all instead. But we aren't gonna complain at all, understood?"
"Aw man, but I wanted to complain." Craig pouted sarcastically besides you. Even if it was satire, that was probably the most emotion you've heard in his voice this week. Last time was when he got angry on game night when everybody was giving him +4's in UNO.
"Tough shit." Cartman snapped back, before turning to you again. "Now we're gonna go up there, act professional, you asshole's are gonna greet them and then apologize for being late." Nobody had the strength left in them to complain, so you all just mumbled an agreement.
The woman's eyes were an unsettling icy blue, as cold as ever as they stared you down. She resembled Lady Tremaine from Cinderella to a disturbing amount, but she was obviously a lot better looking. "I assume you're in highschool..." She cut through the silence, analyzing you from head to toe. You felt your face warm up at the sudden attention from such a gorgeous woman. "I have a son around your age. He surprises me with his stupidity sometimes, but I assure you he is a handsome young man."
Kenny and Clyde started snickering, turning their whole bodies away from the owners of the house so that they could laugh silently. Stan and Tweek smirked a little, trying to hide it behind their hands as they looked away. Craig and Kyle just stared at the woman, both of their expressions seemingly bored. You expected that from Craig, but not Kyle.
Cartman burst out laughing, not even bothering to hide his amusement. You couldn't exactly tell if he actually found it funny, if he wanted to make fun of you, or if he wanted to please the rich people next to him.
"Five thousand and I'll sell her to you." Cartman replied, grinning ear to ear. That fat fuck! You knew he'd sell you for a penny, he just wanted to take advantage of the situation. But five thousand? Really? Couldn't he at least ask for a million or something?
The husband of the woman started snickering silently, hiding his smile behind his hand. The woman elbowed him in the ribs harshly while still keeping her straight and elegant posture, causing him to exhale all the air from his lungs as his smile dropped immediately. When you grow up, you want to be just like her.
"I do not condone this foolery." She spoke up, staring Cartman down, which immediately made the boy stop his excessive laughter. "You came here to do a job, isn't that right?" She continued, turning her head to the rest of the group, gaze sweeping over each one of them. "I want whatever that thing is that keeps disturbing my family and I, completely gone. I don't care how you do it as long as you get the job done."
"And we have a few rules." The husband started, earning everybody else's attention as you all turned to him. "No touching any paintings, statues, or any decoration." He listed the rule, giving Cartman a firm, pointing look. "The first floor is off-limits. You will only see it as you enter and exit the mansion."
The woman scanned Cartman from head to toe. "And the kitchen, too."
Everybody confirmed that they understood the rules, and the couple opened the doors as they allowed the whole group to walk in, stopping Kenny for a quick second upon noticing he doesn't have a shoe, but eventually clicking her tongue and letting him in as well.
The interior looked even better than what you have seen on the outside. The floor was made of marble, polished and so shiny you could almost see your reflection in them. Besides the front doors there were two statues on each sides, resembling what you assumed were moose, again.
The wall in front of you had a variety of paintings, and all of them seemed to be family photos or portrets of past owners. Under the paintings were tall plants, sitting in carefully hand-painted vases that looked like they cost more than your life.
When you glanced towards your left, you noticed a long, beautifully lit hallway, a few white painted wooden doors at the end. You also noticed some more decoration, as well as a couple of paintings of moose, hung up next to a large painting of a ship sailing the sea.
What was up with that fucking moose? Is this an obsession or something?
"This way, please." The woman directed everyone up the stairs, with an elegant railing that had vines carved into it, mimicking the vines outside as they wrapped around it carefully. "Don't step on the carpet..."
You all walked up the stairs and eventually reached the second floor. A burgundy carpet seemed to cover the whole floor, and the woman cringed when she saw Kenny step on it. This time, most of the paintings and decor resembled a sea them instead of the same two moose, except instead of blue, most stuff were burgundy or brown.
"You have a beautiful place, Mrs..." Kyle trailed off, wanting to earn some respect from the lady. Come to think of it, none of you were notified of the owners' names...
"Vivienne." She replied, not changing her cruel, bored expression at all. "And I know it's a beautiful place. It has been passed down for generations. We are thinking about renovating this place, as we find the moose statues and the bloody sea theme quite... Unsettling."
"I'm sure you would have great ideas in mind, Mrs Vivienne." Cartman praised, because he couldn't last a second without being the center of attention. "This is a gorgeous place, either way."
Mrs Vivienne just nodded firmly, not even bothering to spare Cartman a look as she and her husband lead you up another staircase, reaching the third floor. It didn't seem much different from the second floor, still following the same sea theme. You liked the little touches of blue, the cute tiny ships carved out of wood settled on little tables, and the paintings were just incredible.
"The attic is, uh... The next floor." The husband pointed upstairs, but they didn't lead any of you to a staircase or something, they both just stood there, watching you all. "We won't be following."
"We will now leave you to do your job. Make sure you don't touch anything expensive." She quickly spoke up, staring Cartman down. "I assume you remember the rules, correct?" You all nodded and confirmed her statement. "Perfect. We will now be on the first floor, it would be great if none of you disturbed us."
"Of course." Cartman agreed, nodding his head frantically. "We're professionals, we don't need any help, we can do our job just fine alone." You weren't sure if he was trying to convince the owners or himself.
As soon as the couple left the third floor, everybody exhaled sharply, all air leaving their lungs. You were all holding in your breaths like your life depended on it, save for Cartman and Kyle.
"J-Jesus Christ!" Tweek placed a hand over his heart, and the other rested on your shoulder. "T-They're scarier than— than the ghosts!" He started taking deep breaths to regulate his breathing and compose himself.
"Holy fuck I hate that bitch." Cartman grumbled, crossing his arms like an upset toddler. You wouldn't be surprised if he started stomping his foot. "‘And the kitchen too’ bitch I assure you I won't be eating any of that shit you have in whatever the fuck golden fridge you've got."
"Yeah, she seems a little cold." You agreed, shrugging your shoulders, causing Tweek to flinch as he took his hand off of you. "But come on, she lives in the middle of the woods, maybe she's isolated from society."
"Isolated from dick." Kenny interrupted, his brows furrowed together. He was also a little irritated with the coldness of the woman. Why couldn't people be more understanding these days?!
"Un-fucked." Craig added, shaking his head a little bit. He didn't exactly like any of the comments that Mrs Vivienne made up until now, and he was glad that she already left.
"I swear to God I'm gonna piss on this bitches carpet." Kenny continued, starting to unzip his pants as he walked closer to the corner of the room.
"Not if I beat you to it!" Cartman sprinted and nudged Kenny by the shoulder as he unzipped his pants as well. You were starting to contemplate leaving the mansion and going back to the van all alone.
"Woah, hey, stop!" Kyle quickly approached them and shoved both of them, keeping them away from the wall. "Nobody's pissing on anything, understood?" He gave both of them a firm look. He felt like a kindergarten teacher.
"Have some respect for yourselves." Clyde suddenly started, holding a finger up. "We don't wanna see your wee wee's." He pointed at their dicks, shaking his head. "Besides, there's a lady in the room."
"Honestly I don't really care, I've seen them do worse stuff and I can't find the energy to do anything about it." You shrugged casually, speaking as honestly as you could. You remember walking in on Kenny and some girl making out at a party, and you couldn't help but cringe at the memory. "Not like I can complain much, these assholes don't care either."
"A silly man covers his balls when running naked through a crowd." Kenny began, zipping his pants back up as if he wasn't about to mark his territory. "A wise man covers his face."
"Kenny we can still tell that's you." You blinked slowly at him. They were seriously making you lose brain cells every single nanosecond.
"Yeah, we recognize your dick." Clyde chimed in, crossing his arms and standing proudly. What the fuck did he just say?
"Alright I'm not gonna ask how the fuck you know that and I sincerely don't wanna know." Craig raised his arms in defense a little bit, before turning his gaze towards Cartman. "So, dear leader, whatever shall we do right now?"
"You make it sound like I'm a dictator. Not that I mind it or anything." Cartman snickered, before turning serious again. "Alright fuckers, we gotta listen closely! Cause this bitch is said to be in the attic!"
"How do we get into the attic?" You asked, scanning the room carefully. The mansion was big, obviously, but you didn't seem to notice a staircase or a string that may lead up into the attic. Everyone else's gaze swept the hallway quickly, realizing the same thing you did.
"Great question, uh..." Cartman began, rubbing his chin as his lips puckered. "I say we split into groups and investigate!" He raised his finger up like a prophet, a giant grin plastered onto his face.
"Not again, dude." Stan huffed, rolling his eyes a little bit. He seemed quite tense the whole day, and you were sure that you weren't the only one who had noticed it. "We're not splitting into groups. Let's just stick together and search for... Something that leads us into the attic."
After agreeing with Stan's statement, and, against all odds, convincing Cartman to listen to the majority of you, you started inspecting the place, walking down the hallway. You couldn't help but admire the paintings on the wall. This house had a shit ton of paintings...
Eventually, something shiny caught your eye. It was a golden key, and for some reason, it was placed neatly in a wooden frame. You noticed that it had collected a bit of dust, and the glass was a little smudged. You slowed down your walking, and Kyle stopped next to you, noticing the key as well.
"You know what would be really funny?" Kyle started, his eyes fixed on the key, carefully analyzing it. You glanced towards him briefly, before turning your gaze back to the frame, mumbling out a 'hm?' "If we just pass by this key and then end up actually needing it or something."
Your lips formed a thin line. You wanted to reach out and take it, really badly. The owners have made it very clear that you weren't supposed to touch anything expensive looking, but this framed key was collecting dust already! What if you truly needed it later?
"Take it." Craig suddenly appeared besides you, his voice keeping its usual monotone. "Kyle could be right. We don't want any sticky situations, do we?" He glanced at Kyle, who was already looking right at him. Craig's brows furrowed a little, but by the time you turned your head towards him, his face was back to its usual bored expression.
"What if we get into trouble because of it?" Kyle contradicted him, raising a single brow. It was as if he wasn't the one who just suggested it. You glanced back and forth, and both of them were practically having a staring contest. "I never told her to take it. I just made a hypothetical. It wouldn't surprise me if you didn't know what that was."
Craig's face twisted to one of confusion, but you could tell he felt attacked. At least a little bit. "Seriously?" He asked, brows knitting together. "Let's say that I, hypothetically, punch you in the face."
"Woah!" You quickly cut in, trying to get some space between them. "No need to escalate this, ladies." You continued, turning your gaze towards Kyle. "What's up with you? You got worked up for no reason."
"Excuse him, he's bleeding out of his vagina." Craig interrupted, still not sparing you a glance and keeping his eyes glued to Kyle. Cartman seemed to hear him, which immediately made him walk over.
"Hey, hey, credits, please!" The fatass waved his hand in front of Craig's already irritated face, then pointed towards his chest with his thumbs. "I can sue you for copyright, you know?"
"Shut the fuck up, fatass." Kyle grumbled, and as he was walking away, he made sure to push his shoulder into Cartman, which made him stumble a little bit. You seriously didn't understand why he was this annoyed.
"Ay, motherfucker!" Cartman yelled, quickly spinning on his heel and following Kyle, cursing his ear off. At least you got rid of him, and that's all that mattered.
"That was extremely sexist, by the way." You joked, watching as Kyle and Cartman argued like toddlers in a kindergarten fighting over toys. You could sense Craig glance towards you, his brow raised. "The bleeding vagina comment."
"Do I need to apologize for it?" He asked, waiting until you turned your gaze towards him so he could finally smirk. He looked pretty cute when he was smiling. You really wish you'd see that more often.
"An apology? From Craig Tucker?" You feigned surprise, brows raising. "Oh, I'd love to." You added, to which he turned his head away from you with a small chuckle. "Come on, what do we say to all the women out there?"
"Sorry women?" He trailed off, raising a brow as if expecting you to agree and accept his awesome apology, but still keeping his smirk. You shook your head with a little sigh, choosing to simply not have to explain how a proper apology works, forgetting all about the framed key and continuing to walk with the group.
"These bitches are too fucking old to be acting like this." Kenny grumbled, who, for some reason, was exactly beside you now. "She's almost fourty, acting like a little bitch." He added, eyes fixed on the floor beneath him. You truly felt bad for him. He was walking without a damn shoe, after all.
"Don't take it to heart." You spoke up, tilting your head to the side just slightly, trying to get a better look at his face. "Like I said before, she's living in the middle of nowhere. I doubt she goes outside much, due to her social skills..."
"Or maybe she's just a bitch." Clyde shrugged, walking next to Kenny. You gave him a firm look, eyes half lidded, brows furrowing together a little. He quickly shut up, looking ahead. "Yeah, isolated from society."
"I say we just burn the place down." Kenny suggested, finally raising his eyes from the floor and turning to glance between the two of you. "I've got matches with me and shit." He added, already making a plan in his head. Unfortunately, the mansion was built out of stone. But he'd definitely feel better if he tried.
"Oh, my piss would look amazing on this wall." Cartman extended his arms to his sides, showing a completely empty wall. "Yup. All over this thing. A giant painting of it." He continued, clearly still annoyed by Mrs Vivienne's words. "With my initials in the corner. Every true painter needs to sign their work, after all."
"Somebody take his mic away." You huffed, pinching the bridge of your nose and closing your eyes shut. These fuckers gave you a headache, and Cartman gave you the worst of them all. "Matter of fact just confiscate his vocal chords."
"Wanna do a collab?" Kenny suggested, a wide grin forming on his face as he approached Cartman. You were glad he gained his energy back, but the reason was fucking stupid. It was rare seeing anybody agree with Cartman, really.
"L-Look." Tweek pointed up, and sure enough, backed into a little corner, there was a string attached to the ceiling, a door for the attic. "I think that's it..."
"Finally!" Stan sighed in relief, quickly approaching the string, standing on his tip toes to reach it. It was just out of reach for him, only a few more inches to go. "Oh for fuck's sake..." He hissed, a little embarrassed as he stepped aside, allowing Kyle to try. Unfortunately, he didn't reach it either.
"Don't worry, we appreciate short kings." You teased, smirking at them as Stan flipped you off and Kyle turned his head away, a subtle blush of embarrassment spreading on his cheeks. You heard Stan mutter 'like you could do it better', but chose not to argue with him on that.
"Step aside, ladies." Craig quickly grabbed the string, pulling it down proudly. Suddenly, the attic door on the ceiling opened, a cloud of dust escaping the untouched place, the smell of smoke filling your nostrils immediately, your nose scrunching up. An old, creaky wooden ladder slowly descended as everyone else coughed and swatted the dust away.
"Ladies first!" Clyde quickly suggested, gently guiding you towards it. He didn't even give you a moment to process all of this shit! You didn't even have the time to investigate the ladder and the safety of it!
Luckily, Kyle quickly stopped him. "Jesus Christ, just say you're scared and want to stay behind." He huffed, gently pushing you aside, placing a foot on the ladder and testing its limit, pressing his weight onto it. "I think it's good to go. I'm not sure about Cartman, though."
"AY! You don't have to be a complete dick about it!" Cartman quickly snapped, waving a finger in Kyle's face, which he immediately smacked away with a scoff. "You're just jealous cause I got shit to eat!"
"So you admit you eat shit?" Craig interrupted, raising a brow expectantly as Cartman slowly turned his head towards him. "I mean, I don't judge fetishes and all that. I've got some pretty weird kinks too, I'm just saying." He held his hands up defensively. That information was now stored in your brain for future references...
"Woah, kink shaming, come on Craig." Kenny cut in, a big grin on his face. Obviously, he had to engage in hopefully the only conversation of tonight about sex. "He's into scat play, and we have to accept him for who he is."
"You bitches! Stop that!" Cartman snapped, shaking his head aggressively, getting red in the face. You weren't sure if the blush was from anger, or if he actually got embarrassed about it... "I'm not into that shit! Let's just go in the attic, Jesus!"
Kyle, being the one who tehnically offered to go first, vegan climbing up the ladder. Tweek was scared shitless and he kept refusing profusely to go, and you had to force him to go second, with you following closely behind.
"J-Jesus! Who m-made me befriend you assholes..." Tweek panicked, not liking the situation he was put in at all. The smell was almost unbearable, dust constantly falling in his face. He was also one hundred percent sure he was gonna slip and break his neck.
"Relax. I'm right behind you, it's fine." You reassured him, and for some reason he just had to look down, panicking even more. "Come on, if you fall, we'll both fall together." You gave him a soft smile, and that somehow seemed to calm him down. Just a little, though.
As you got closer to the attic, head now tehnically in it, you could pretty much look around the room. It was surprisingly small, but you then noticed a door to your left, realizing that it was leading to another room tied to the attic. Possibly a second attic! In the middle of the room was situated a single round, wooden table, covered in dust. On top of it was a compass, seemingly untouched. You couldn't help but notice the prominent smell of smoke. It was completely unbearable...
Kenny, for a reason you totally didn't know, was exactly behind you, climbing closely. Then followed Clyde, Stan, Craig, and eventually Cartman, who barely made it.
"Smells like hippies in here!" Cartman gagged, nose scrunching in disgust. "I have just earned another reason to hate this bitch." He swatted his hand at a cobweb that was dangerously close to his head.
You didn't even think before you picked up the compass, carefully analyzing it, trying to find anything off about it. Kyle approached, standing closely behind you as he watched you turn the compass in every side and direction possible.
"I-It was just here, on the table?" Tweek asked, trying to take a closer look at it as he also leaned in. You hummed, nodding your head to confirm it. "That's... Weird."
"I told you we're dealing with a pirate ghost." Craig cut in, pointing towards the compass, waiting for you to turn your gaze towards him. "Maybe he's looking for treasure or something. Cartman said something about the youngest son mentioning that he had heard whispers about some 'theives' in the attic, right?"
"You're just stupid." Kyle replied, making you and Tweek whip both of your heads towards him. Not this again... "Pirate ghosts? Really? Just how much more childish could you possibly get?" He then turned to you, nodding his head in Craig's direction. "You were right when you said he acted like he was twelve."
"Come on, Kyle, don't start this again." You stated firmly, brows furrowing a little as you gave him a pointed look. "I can confirm he's a little bit on the slower side, but his theory kinda makes sense..."
"A theory. A game theory." Clyde mumbled behind you, squinting at the mysterious door that hid a whole room from your eyes.
"Maybe this really is a pirate ghost or something." You shrugged, agreeing with Craig's conspiracy, glancing towards him briefly, noticing the subtle smirk on his face.
"Every time you open your mouth we have to brace ourselves for the stupid shit that's about to come out." Cartman joined the conversation, giving you a judgemental look.
"And every time you walk we have to brace ourselves for the earthquake that's about to happen, but here we are." You quickly shot back, brows furrowing together as you stared him down.
"Jesus, I was just joking." He held his hands up defensively, shaking his head while he huffed. Saying that he was beyond insufferable was the biggest understatement of the century.
"I wasn't." You muttered, turning your gaze back towards the compass, turning it side to side again, trying to find something interesting about it. Was it really just a normal compass?
Suddenly, Cartman snatched the navigation device, turning his back to you as he inspected it himself. You groaned and tried getting it back, but to no avail. You weren't gonna fight for it, you were better than that, knowing not to give him the reaction he was looking for.
"This shits boring." He grumbled, twisting it in his chubby hands, trying to find something about it deemed useful in his eyes. "The direction of target arrow thingy keeps spinning. It's not giving concrete information. It's broken!"
It wasn't spinning when you picked it up. That was quite unsettling, but it was old, after all. You wondered how long it had sat on this very table, or how long has it been since it's been properly used before...
All of a sudden, whispers began emerging from the mysterious door. You took your time inspecting the door, noticing some scratches on it, peeling paint, and the dust covered door handle. The group went dead silent, listening in to the unidentified noises coming from the other side.
You approached the door, pressing your ear to it so you could hear better, struggling to make out what the voice was saying. It was distorted and raspy. The only word you could make out was 'thieves'.
"Open it." Clyde ordered, all while he was hiding behind Stan, holding his sleeve like a toddler wrapping his arms around his mother's leg when he had to introduce himself to a relative.
Fuck it. What's there to lose?
You grabbed the door handle, not even bothering to think about it before you slammed the door open. The other room had a few boxes in it, all covered by white cloths. The dust was even thicker here, and the smell of smoke was definitely way more prominent than before.
Everyone else followed you as you carefully stepped inside, pulling your collar up so it covered your lower face, not wanting to inhale whatever chemicals were in the air. The whispers were completely gone now...
Before anyone had time to properly take in their surroundings, a cloud of smoke suddenly appeared out of nowhere. At first, it drifted aimlessly, curling and twisting in the air. But then it began to gather, thickening into the shape of a person.
Everyone froze, watching wide eyed as you observed the smoke slowly form into a man. You were completely speechless. None of you could actually make up any coherent sentence. It was impossible to do so.
He stood there like he'd always been there, a pipe clenched between his lips, thin streams of smoke still spilling from it. His clothes looked ancient, worn and ragged, like they'd survived decades at sea. A striped shirt hung loosely over his frame, burgundy and white lines, as a maroon jacket draped over his broad shoulders. To top it all off, he was wearing a pair of brown pants torn at the knees. His appearance only got worse the longer you looked.
A long, unkept beard framed his face, and frizzy, shoulder length hair spilled out from beneath a faded, burgundy bandana. One of his eyes was tightly shut, scarred and injured beyond use. And where his hand should've been... It was instead replaced with a hook.
You blinked, your stomach dropping. Captain hook?! No, that couldn't be it. What you least expected, though, was for Craig to actually be right about the whole pirate ghost thing. You only agreed with him a few minutes ago because you didn't want him and Kyle to cause a scene again! But to think he was actually right was absolutely ridiculous.
Tweek was completely drained of all color, keeping Clyde's shirt in a death grip. Clyde wasn't much better, hiding behind Stan as his knees constantly buckled, threatening him to give out at any moment. You could notice that Stan's hands were trembling a little bit too, barely noticeable. Kyle was nervously nibbling on his bottom lip, and Craig's lips were parted just slightly. Cartman hid his fear the best, puffing out his chest confidently. You weren't exactly much better than the rest, either, having to shift you weight from foot to foot so the shaking wasn't visible...
"Thieves... I knew ya'd come back... Always crawlin' where ya don't belong..." The ghost broke the silence, his voice raspy and distorted. You could tell he had some lung damage.
"Thieves?" Cartman was the only one brave enough to reply. You couldn't exactly call it bravery, more like 'big ego'. "We're professional ghost hunters! We've got a master's degree and all that! Totally legal paperwork, too!"
The pirate-ghost cackled, the sound rumbling from his chest. "What kinda idiots go ghost huntin' without a priest?" The pipe between his lips was dangerously close to falling down now.
"AY! I've got good enough co-workers!" You felt your heart melt. That was probably the sweetest thing you've heard Cartman say. Gosh, you standards were low as fuck at this point.
"Ya call this a crew?" The ghost mocked as Stan nodded firmly, trying his best to hide his fear. He wasn't dumb enough to hide his trembling hands in his pockets, who knew what the ghost's next move would be. "I've seen better discipline in rats."
"Did your barber die or something?" Cartman provoked, which made your hands immediately go up to your head with a frustrated huff, holding it as you started to accept inevitable death.
The ghost opened his mouth as if he somehow had a sneakier remark than Cartman, before his movements came to a halt. "Which one of ya rats took it?" He suddenly grumbled, his single working eye widening as his thick brows furrowed together. "The compass." Oh shit.
Cartman quickly threw the compass at you, and you struggled to catch it as it kept slipping from your sweaty hands. The pirate-ghost's creepy eyes locked on your form. For fuck's sake, damn them all!
"See, she took it!" Cartman accused, pointing his finger at you. "She's the bitch! I told her not to touch anything!" He defended himself, as if he wasn't holding it just a few seconds ago. Kyle quickly stepped up, shaking his head aggressively.
"Thieves! I knew it!" The pirate-ghost shouted, his voice heavily distorted, the smoke around him twisting and curling. "I knew ya were thieves... Ya think I don't sense it? Greed clingin' to ya like rot!"
"Woah, I'm sure we can all come to an understanding here." Craig held his hands up defensively, glancing at you, nodding his head towards the door before quickly turning back to the problem at hand. "We're outstanding and responsible citizens. So let's have a talk like the mature people we are, yeah?"
As the ghost turned his head towards Craig with an incredulous look, you slowly sneaked off, slipping away behind Tweek and through the door, Clyde taking your place to fill out the suspiciously empty spot.
Fuck, you had to think quickly. You tried to hide behind the door in some way, back pressed flush against the wall, biting your bottom lip and holding your breath as you stared at the compass in your hand. The direction of target arrow wasn't spinning crazily anymore. It was now pointing towards the middle of the room, figuring it was right underneath the table where you originally found it. Fortunately, due to your quick thinking, you realized there must be something hidden behind the floorboards.
Meanwhile, inside the other room, the others weren't having much luck. "Sheesh, it's getting cold in here, don't you think?" Stan announced, faking a shiver and hugging himself, rubbing his hands on his arms to warm him up. "Let's close the door for a moment." He added as Tweek quickly shut the door.
"Back to the responsibility we're currently discussing." Craig continued, earning the pirate-ghost's attention once more. Jeez, those eyes sent shiver down his spine... You were definitely owning him for this.
"I think you need to tell us what you refer to when you keep mentioning these 'thieves'..." Kyle stepped a little closer, still making sure there was a safe distance between him and the ghost. He was speaking like a damn therapist.
"It all started when I was a youngin' like ya all are..." He began, relaxing a little as he inhaled even more smoke. "My biggest dream was to become a pirate." He continued, reminiscing and drowning in the countless memories and adventures. "I built my own crew... Called 'em loyal... Called 'em brothers..."
You quickly analyzed the room you were in, trying your best to find something so you could open up the floorboards. This was an attic after all, couldn't there be a damn hammer anywhere?! It wasn't like that was a good idea, either. It could make too much noise and possibly alert the ghost.
You crawled down under the table, feeling around for loose floorboards. They were old after all, and some of the wood here was rotting. You felt the smell of decay and smoke invade your senses as soon as you entered this place, so you didn't doubt it.
You noticed one of the floorboards was slightly raised. You knew you didn't have much time, and the ghost could detect your absence any second now. You acted on impulse, forcing your fingers underneath it. Your groaned from the pain, biting your bottom lip harshly. You could feel some splinters stick into your flesh, causing you even more pain as you closed your eyes shut.
You wiggled your hand a little bit, getting the floorboard even more loose now, the wood groaning as it slowly lifted, some dust shaking off. You quickly took your hand out as soon as you opened the floor up, examining it carefully, noticing some splinters and a couple of small cuts now starting to form crimson beads that slid down your skin and dropped onto the floor.
You noticed something wooden with a golden edge, the shine catching your eye. You rapidly started loosening up the floorboards around it, the wood cracking loudly in the process.
"What was that sound?" The pirate-ghost raised his cold eyes from the floor, staring at the closed door with his thick brows knitted together.
Cartman quickly coughed loudly, wheezing like he smoked a whole pack, trying to be as loud as possible and mask the noise you were making in the other room. "God, all this dust— yeah, uh huh. My bad." He subsided his coughing a little bit, trying his best to make it realistic.
"Ya a smoker too?" The pirate-ghost grinned, flashing a golden tooth as he gave Cartman a knowing look. "Happens t'me all the time..." He waved his hand— sorry, hook, trying to reassure Cartman that it was perfectly fine.
Fuck, it was a treasure chest! It was tiny, sure, but it must be hiding some real good stuff! You struggled, trying to pick it up in your hands and inspect it closer, but it was stuck there, so you ended up leaving it there.
Then, realization dawned upon you. The key. Fuck, you should have listened to Craig! How could you forget such an important detail?! This mansion was large, you don't doubt that you'd lose your way around. It was practically a giant maze!
In the other room, you heard the boys laugh loudly, listening to the Captain's stories while he was on the sea. "And I told 'em: ‘good luck detective!’ " The pirate cackled loudly, the others trying to keep him in a joyful mood, yet finding entertainment in this as well.
"That reminds me..." He started again, Clyde leaning in as he listened intently, the biggest, dorkiest grin plastered onto his face. "There was this one time... The navigator lost his compass and—" He suddenly froze, and so did everyone in the room, realizing that he sure as hell remembered the wrong thing.
"Where's the compass?!" The ghost shouted, smoke radiating from his body and curling around him as if representing his anger. "Ya liars! Thieves! Just like 'em all! I trusted ya!"
Tweek immediately slammed the door open, and you hit your head under the table while flinching. Your heart stopped as you watched them all pour out of the room, running for their lives. Craig slammed the door shut, pushing all of his weight on it, forcing Cartman to do the same while the chubby boy protested.
The others quickly descended from the creaky ladder, and Kenny didn't even bother going down properly, he straight up jumped down without a care in the world, Stan copying him.
Kyle noticed you, quickly sprinting towards the table as he grabbed you by your upper arm, helping you crawl from under the table and stand up.
"The key!" You shouted breathlessly, and he barely heard you over the loud bangs on the wooden door that was about to give out at any moment, as well as Clyde's and Tweek's girly screams. Luckily, he understood what you meant, helping you go down the ladder and coming after you.
"I don't wanna be turned into bait, for fuck's sake, you liking-it-up-the-ass cock sucker!" Cartman practically cried out, banging his hands on the door right back. The door suddenly cracked, and Craig knew it wouldn't hold much longer. He immediately dashed, jumping down from the ceiling door. Cartman followed with a scream, almost breaking the ladder in the process as the door split into two from the constant banging.
"I found a chest in the floorboards!" You yelled after the others, eyes darting across the hallway as you tried finding the framed key. "There's a key in a frame, search for it! It's on the wall somewhere!" You added as everyone else kept running. Tweek and Stan split into groups, and so did Kenny and Clyde. You and Kyle were now trying to find the key desperately, tracing back your steps.
Craig and Cartman caught up to the two of you pretty quickly, which kind of surprised you. Cartman could be insanely fast in life or death situations. "Found it!" Cartman declared proudly, throwing the framed key at you, and it almost slipped out of your hands. The rest have apparently been spinning in circles, and somehow ended up catching up to you as well.
You didn't stop running until the ladder came back into view. "There— shit, hurry!" Clyde shouted, swallowing thickly as he already felt sweat drop from his forehead.
Before you even grabbed the ladder, you noticed the way that something in the air shifted. It grew heavier, thicker, and harder to breathe in. A faint curl of smoke slipped down from the attic opening above, barely noticeable as it twisted lazily around your wrist, thin strands brushing past your face like cold fingers. You quickly ripped your hand away from the ladder, watching as more streams of smoke thickened and descended, gathering slowly as it formed the same silhouette it did just a few minutes ago. Fuck, you were still holding the compass.
Everyone stepped away from the ladder as soon as you snatched your hand away. You could still hear the distorted whispers, layered voices, the same thing you heard coming from the radio when you were in the van.
"Oh, fuck..." You inhaled sharply, eyebrows furrowing together as you felt your legs wobble slightly, shifting your weight from one foot to another. You didn't even spend another second thinking, immediately bolting through the hallways, searching for the staircase that led to the second floor.
"AY, where the fuck you think you're going?!" Cartman shouted as he ran after you, Kyle and Craig doing the same. Tweek, Clyde, Stan and Kenny were left cometely dumbfounded. They acted on impulse and ran after you as well. What the fuck were you even planning?
You ran down the stairs as fast as you could, taking frenzied gasps of air as you heard the others catching up. The compass was clutched tightly in your fist, and under your armpit, you held the framed key.
As soon as you made it to the second floor, you threw the compass towards Kyle, who quickly caught it. "Trust me, please!" You shouted breathlessly, continuing to run and search for the stairs that led to the first floor. Obviously, Kyle put all of his trust in you, and the rest followed you behind closely.
Once you reached the first floor, you started desperately looking for the ugliest door there, which wasn't exactly hard, considering every single door looked the exact same, framed in beautiful gold and white wood. Meanwhile, there was a single door with chipped paint standing out, and it wasn't hard to figure out it was the basement door.
"Dude, what the fuck are you doing?" Stan ran besides you, eyes wide as he watched you grab the basement's door handle. "We're gonna get in trouble!" He whisper yelled, trying to catch his breath.
"We already are in trouble!" You hissed right back, struggling to open the door due to your shaky hands, but managing to do so after all. "Would you rather get scolded by some rich assholes, or possibly end up six feet underground?!" You yelled, running down the creaky wooden basement stairs as the others followed you.
It didn't take long before you felt the strong tabacco smell fill your senses. It seriously gave you a migraine. Streams of smoke curled into a silhouette, the pirate-ghost taking form once more in front of you. His eyes looked beyond crazy, face twisted in anger.
"Where's the compass?!" He shouted, distorted voice making a few paintings and jars on the shelves rattle. Kyle quickly threw the compass towards Cartman, pointing towards him.
"He has it!" The redhead spoke up breathlessly, all of you scattering around the basement in different directions. Thank God they caught onto your plan.
Cartman tossed the compass towards Tweek, and the blond caught it with shaky hands, visibly panicking under the ghost's disturbing gaze. "Pfft, no I don't! Tweek has it!" Cartman accused, pointing straight at him.
The ghost charged towards Tweek, and he immediately hurled it towards Kenny as he covered his head with his hands, trying to defend himself from the pirate's rage. Kenny caught it without a damn problem, a toothy grin forming on his face. "Sorry, it's on me." He provoked, chuckling as he ran around the room, teasing the Captain even more.
You rushed up the stairs, Craig instantly following after you. Kyle would have came too, but Kenny unfortunately flung the device into his hands, and he had no choice but to remain in the room. Everyone was practically playing a game of catch, throwing the compass from one to another, ghost having to change his direction constantly.
You were running out of breath alongside him, clutching the framed key in both hands as you ran back to the third floor, barely managing, your whole body growing its temperature from the way you repeatedly pushed your limits today.
You barely reached the ladder, before the familiar smoke made its appearance again. You cried out in frustration, pushing through and climbing up the creaky ladder, Craig following closely behind you.
You kneeled down and crawled under the table, Craig doing the same as he watched your frantic movements carefully. He wanted to help, he really did. But he couldn't exactly tell what you wanted to do, and you sure as hell would snap at him if he dared intervene and possibly make a life costing mistake.
You tossed and turned the framed key, your shaky hands not being able to find a way to open it up and get the key from inside. Your messy mind couldn't form much of a solution either. You started hearing the distorted whispers again, and you couldn't help but cry out in frustration once more. You immediately raised the framed key, smashing it into the cracked floorboards repeatedly, shattered glass now everywhere.
"It's okay, come on, you can do it." Craig encouraged, gaze darting from your face to the shattered glass in front of him.
"Shut the fuck up!" You cried out, quickly running a hand down your face, an attempt at hiding the tears forming in your eyes. He immediately nodded, knowing better than to frustrate you even more. Either you would snap at him, or straight up punch him in the face.
You picked up the key with shaky hands, strands of smoke curling around the table's legs. Suddenly, the table flipped over, which made your heart drop, mouth completely dry. You tried to ignore the fear, struggling to aim the key into the lock, missing the whole repeatedly.
The smoke gathered and thickened again, the Captain's silhouette slowly forming in front of you. "I don't have the damn compass!" You yelled, not even raising your gaze from the treasure chest as you finally stuck the key inside, twisting it, lock opening immediately.
"No— that's mine!" The Captain's raspy voice rang in your ears, Craig's head turning towards him, the ghost flickering, his hook turning into a cloud of smoke as the rest of his body was slowly starting to disintegrate.
The layered whispers turned into multiple blood curdling screams, the agonizing sound ringing in your ears. The whole room started shaking, knocked over table rattling and vibrating on the floor as if a whole earthquake was taking place. Despite the struggle, the pirate started charging towards you. You felt Craig's hands grab your shoulders, squeezing them to remind you of the situation you were currently stuck in.
Without another thought, you opened the chest, expecting to see shiny jewelry and precious gold, before possibly seeing the pearly gates. Instead, you found nothing but dust. The chest was completely empty. Your shoulders tensed, eyes wide as you stared at the fading Captain, slowly accepting your fate.
You expected for the ghost kill you, or posses you, or something like that. You weren't exactly sure what ghosts did to their victims...
But the pirate didn't move an inch. He seemed just as shocked as you were. His jaw was wide open, the smoke turning thinner as it twisted around him. His pipe slowly tilted from his lips the more his mouth opened. And slowly, very slowly, as if time itself slowed down, the pipe clattered onto the ground, knocking on the wooden floorboards.
And just like that, it was over. The Captain turned into a cloud of smoke, fading from existence completely, leaving behind his pipe.
You both started breathing heavily, staring at the cloud of smoke that began spreading around the attic, as well as inspecting the pipe, wanting to confirm it was actually over. Once you realized that he wasn't coming back, you started to relax and enjoy the silence.
Your shoulders slumped, and eventually, you let your head fall forward on Craig's shoulder, chest heaving with every desperate breath you took. "It's over." Craig's hand gently settled on the back of your head, keeping your face buried in his collarbone. "It's over." He repeated again, voice surprisingly soft. "You're alright."
It didn't take long before the others' obnoxiously loud voices appeared as they showed up, quickly climbing the ladder. "Shit, are you guys alright?!" Stan, who arrived first, questioned quickly, trying to catch his breath. "That motherfucker disappeared!" He added, shaking his head as the rest made their way inside as well, coming to check up on the two of you.
"We gave you three simple rules, and you couldn't even follow those?!" The woman scolded, her voice incredulous, icy blue eyes widening. "What was so hard to keep yourselves from snooping around?!" She shouted at Cartman, still keeping her posture elegant. "You rattled the whole estate, and you want us to pay double?!"
"Excuse me, ma'am, but we're charging extra for physical and emotional damage to one of our dear members!" Cartman declared angrily, standing his ground. He was behind you, hands squeezing your shoulders to keep you awake. You were physically and mentally exhausted, and could barely stand on your own. You didn't even pay attention to the conversation around you. "You see this? This doesn't just happen out of thin air! The ghost was aggressive! See her hand, right there? Those scratches? It was the ghost!"
The woman's face twisted in anger and disgust, before she scoffed, hand digging in her purse and throwing money at him, the cash flying around you. Cartman immediately left your side and started picking the money up from the floor. "Pleasure doing business with you!"
Kyle quickly stood next to you, shifting you so you could lean onto him. You honestly didn't really care about anything. All you knew is that you were tired, relieved, and very fucking hungry. "You did amazing, really." Kyle patted your cheek as you chuckled a little. "Seriously. Best ghost hunter out there."
You raised your head up, eyes glued to the full moon of tonight, admiring its beauty. It must be well over midnight, and you were starting to wonder if the sunrise would appear anytime soon. You melted into Kyle's body, trying to block out everything else from your mind, including the Raisins chant Kenny and Clyde were currently singing.
