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My Husband Went to the Store and Never Came Home, Deserting His Two Kids

I saw my ex-husband in court last week. It was the first time I had seen him in longer than I could remember; the exact date lost in an 8-inch-thick legal file of court proceedings that is currently lying on my desk. In fact, I could count on one hand the number of times I have seen him since I started that file four years ago.

Up until just a few days ago, I literally could not find my ex-husband.

But before he disappeared four years ago, I was a married, stay-at-home mom of a 3-year-old daughter and 7-month-old son. Then overnight my world turned upside down when my husband said he was going to the store and simply never returned.

STORY: ‘I Am a Welfare Mom and I Can Tell You: It’s a Nightmare Come True’

Not only was my marriage over, but he left me with two very young children in a position where I was unable to instantaneously support us.

Quitting his job and leaving his work vehicle (his only car) in the parking lot of his employer, he turned off his phone, moved out of town, and became untraceable. His actions were not just an exaggerated statement that he no longer wanted our marriage, but it was a heartbreaking declaration that he also no longer wanted our kids.

STORY: What I Said When My Daughter Asked Why My Dad Had Left

And I’ve heard it all; the judgments that people love to throw my way. “Didn’t you see this coming,” and “what did you do to make him leave?” Or “this is why you never should not have been a stay-at-home mom without your own career,” and my favorite, “you had kids with him, you did this to yourself.”

Except that really, none of that matters. The fact is that I had two children, in a marriage where my husband made it abundantly clear that he wanted me to get pregnant, and then half of the people that it took to create those kids walked away.

Thankfully, one half stayed.

STORY: How a Mom on Welfare Handles Christmas

Despite our circumstances, I still want what’s best for my kids, so I wasted no time in trying to pull a life together for the remaining three of us. Unlike their father, I couldn’t ignore the kids’ heartache, and the last thing I wanted to do was add to their suffering with unmet necessities and hunger, which was at times a reality for us.

So thank goodness the kid’s father was legally required to financially provide for us by paying spousal support and child support!

Except how do you get money from someone that you can’t find?

You can’t. I didn’t.

Emergency motions were filed, temporary support orders were put in place, but at the end of the day all I had was a piece of paper stating that I should be getting money that I had no idea how to actually obtain. I was thrust face first into the reality that real life isn’t like TV, where the court system will hunt your ex down and make him pay, and kind hearted detectives are so worried about your children that they will put in overtime to track down your child’s deadbeat father and throw him in jail with the rest of the nation’s criminals.

No, I learned that real life is aggravatingly slow, exceedingly clerical, and unbelievably flooded with many parents who are in the same situation as mine.

Unfortunately, I’m no special snowflake. In the U.S., only 42 percent of custodial parents (the parent with physical custody of their children) are paid the full amount of child support that they are owed, leaving more than $21 billion in unpaid support that is owed to single parents like me. When you look at those astronomical amounts that our court systems are trying to deal with, it’s easy to understand why many single parents just become another number on a list and a file on a desk.

Throughout the entirety of my divorce process, my ex showed up to only one court date. It was the day he signed over all of our material possessions to me, saying he wanted absolutely nothing from his old life. When the judge asked him if he wanted visitation with his kids, he added insult to injury by stating that “those kids just aren’t worth my time.”

The judge divorced us.

The judge did however, order my now ex-husband — who was claiming that he was unemployed and could not pay support — to begin what was called a “job diary.” My ex was supposed to apply for two jobs a day, make a record of it, and bring the record to my attorney’s office on a regular basis in order to prove that he was attempting to financially support his unwanted, but still very much existing, children.

It didn’t surprise me though when he walked out of court that day and failed to ever show up to my attorney’s office with his job diary.

A year and a half after he left us, I still had not received even as much as a quarter from my ex-husband. On the phone with the child support office while pleading my case, I heard my caseworker sigh as she explained “you’re just going to have to think of this as a long term savings account. At some point he will be old enough to collect social security, and at that point the state will garnish his payments and send them to you.”

I was not OK with that.

It wasn’t even money that I was after per say, but rather the necessities that the money could buy. My ex left me in a bad situation and getting out of it has proven to be financially difficult. We live below the poverty line, and I need things for the kids now, but Target won’t take an “I owe you” and collect my payment in 16 years.

The caseworker’s answer was not good enough for me, but unfortunately there wasn’t much I could do about it. As far as I knew, my ex was working under the table somewhere. When the child support department checked his social security number, it reflected no activity that would trace him to a job, an apartment rental, a car payment, or even a credit card. Months dragged on as I watched notices being sent to my house stating that the child support department had suspended his hunting and fishing license, as well as his firearm ownership card. I got a letter stating that if he didn’t start paying, they would suspend his driver’s license. Eventually a letter came that they had suspended his driver’s license.

But none of that mattered to me, because what I needed was money and I didn’t have the luxury of waiting. And the irony of it all is that in order to get money, you need money. Slapping down the last of the money I had from selling many of my possessions, I paid my attorney to take my case back to court again in the hopes that I could speed along the process.

We went to court, a warrant was issued for my ex’s arrest, and then the waiting process began for someone to stumble across him, or for the police to randomly pull him over. A process that did nothing except shatter any stigmas I believed of how easy it is to have your ex thrown in jail for nonpayment of child support.

The jail was ready for him, but not if they couldn’t find him, and with real crime on the police dockets, my ex wasn’t anyone that they were actually looking for.

Months later I found out that he was working a part time job across town. Why his social security number hadn’t been flagged in the system, I don’t know, but when I called the police begging them to go pick him up, I was told that they didn’t have time.  After calling every day for a week, I broke down into tears, and thankfully, the cop who had answered my call related to the struggling parent I was, and saw me as more than just a file on her desk.

My ex was picked up that afternoon, taken to jail, and mere hours later he bailed out with the entire amount of his back due support. He had the money all along, he just didn’t want any of it to go to his children.

Unfortunately, he didn’t change his ways, and did not continue to keep current on his support obligations. When the amount he owed our family once again reached a staggering amount, I took him back to court again. Having been served at his place of employment, he did show up to court, only to threaten “if you throw me in jail, I’ll get fired, and then you won’t get any money out of me,” which was it was enough to cause my attorney to remind me of how the law works. The law will send parents to jail for nonpayment, and their only way to get out before serving up to 12 months in some states is to pay the full amount of what they owe.

Looking at my ex and heeding my attorney’s words that my ex probably would lose his job, and might not get another one, I begrudgingly signed an agreement that would allow him to repay the debts he owed over the course of the next five years, via a garnishment from his paycheck.

I left the courthouse that day fuming: “I can’t believe that I just let him finance his kids.”

I didn’t like it, but I had made the best decision that I could in a situation with no great answer, and it turned out to be the wrong one. My ex quit his job, there was no support to be garnished, and he fell off the grid again.

I’ve gone to multiple court dates since then to try and get what my children are owed, but my ex never shows up and I leave with pieces of paper that just add to the clutter on an overwhelmed caseworker’s desk.

But then last week my ex surprised me and showed up to a court date for his continued nonpayment. Our case is set for hearing next month, but that doesn’t mean that I will be getting child support, or that I ever will.

With the largest percentage of our population’s poverty-stricken families comprised of single parents owed unpaid child support who can’t seem to catch up enough to get ahead, I fear that I may be stuck in this cycle forever. I want to give up, to stop chasing him down, but I have kids who need more than what I can provide them alone. I don’t like living below the poverty line, and I didn’t get into this situation by myself, but the burden of fixing it falls solely on me. My kids and I deserve better than what my ex is doing to us, but as I’ve come to learn, our situation is not something I can easily change.

“Just get child support” people say.

If only they knew.

(Photo: Eden Strong)

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'Flexible Work Policies Shouldn't Just Be About Parents'

People without children have personal lives that matter, too

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Elementary School Kids Write Letters of Love to Homeless for Valentine’s Day

A British woman and a 150 kids are wrapping the homeless in love and warmth this Valentine's Day. Michelle Langan, 43, of Liverpool, England, told ABC News that she began collecting scarves for the homeless a few weeks back and later asked the local school children to write uplifting letters that she'd attach to each one. "I thought it would be nice for the children to increase the awareness of homelessness, but also put a message that would cheer up the [the homeless]," Langan said.

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Want Viagra? Proposed Kentucky Law Would Require Note From Spouse

State Representative Mary Lou Marzian, a Democrat, said she wanted to make a point about government interference in women’s issues like abortion.

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Newborn Found in Subway Restaurant Restroom

WEST COVINA, Calif. (AP) — A newborn boy was found in the toilet of a Subway restaurant Monday, and his mother, a homeless woman, was held by police who followed a blood trail, authorities said.

Mary Grace Trinidad, 38, was found behind a nearby auto parts store in the eastern Los Angeles suburb, police spokesman Rudy Lopez said.

Police were called to the Subway on South Azusa Avenue around 8:30 a.m. after a bleeding woman was seen leaving the sandwich shop and employees saw the blood trail came from the toilet, Lopez said.

"Employees went inside and saw an umbilical cord hanging out of the toilet, then they found the baby in the toilet," Lopez told City News Service.

The crying infant was hospitalized in critical condition because being partially submerged in the cold toilet water lowered his core body temperature, police Lt. Dennis Patton told the Los Angeles Times (http://lat.ms/1QhD6RH ).

Police followed the blood trail out of the Subway and found Trinidad, who also was taken to a hospital, police said.

A transient who is well-known in the neighborhood, she was wanted on a drug-related warrant and could face charges of attempted murder and child abandonment, police said.

"I've done this for 36 years. I thought I had seen everything," Lopez told the San Gabriel Valley Tribune (http://bit.ly/1U46sTj ). "I have no words to describe how I'm feeling about this."

Under California's Safely Surrendered Baby Law, the parents or legal guardians of a newborn can turn in the child at a fire station or hospital with no questions asked if it is within three days of the birth and there are no signs of abuse.

Please follow @YahooParenting on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest. Have an interesting story to share about your family? Email us at YParenting (at) Yahoo.com.

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How Often Do You Need to Wash Kids’ Clothes? The Great Debate

A lot of new parents are surprised by how much and how fast laundry accumulates once they start having kids. That’s because children generally dirty their clothes way more often than adults do — what with all the falling, spitting up, and crawling around they do. But does that necessarily mean you have to wash your children’s clothes every time they wear them?

What the research says

Not many people like doing laundry, period, whether it’s kids’ clothes or their own. A survey conducted on behalf of the American Cleaning Institute found that 29 percent of Americans are doing laundry less frequently than they used to. Whether that’s to keep their water bills low or because they don’t believe that clothes need daily washing, the trend doesn’t seem to hold true for parents. Forty-six percent of parents who responded to a BabyCenter poll said they do laundry several times per week, and 23 percent revealed they do it every single day. If they had a choice, most parents would probably say they want their child to wear clean clothes, but does that mean clothes only get one use before they’re declared dirty? Should we toss everything in the wash every time our kids wear it — even once?

STORY: What’s the Right Age for Teens to Start Dating? The Great Debate 

What the experts say

PJs and jeans should be washed every three to four wears, but socks and underwear should be washed after each, according to the American Cleaning Institute. The same goes for T-shirts, tank tops, and anything that clings fairly close to the body. “Close-fitting and oil-absorbing, these basic pieces add life to your pricier blouses, sweaters, and jackets,” Corinne Phipps, founder of Urban Darling, a wardrobe-consulting firm in San Francisco, told Real Simple. Anything white also needs to be washed right away to avoid discoloration. If clothes are visibly stained or smelly from drooling, puking, or running through puddles, experts suggest washing, spot cleaning, or dry-cleaning them as soon as possible to extend the life of the garment. In general, anything dark in color and made of cotton can be worn a couple of times unless you notice stains.

STORY: Should You Make Your Child Stop Sucking His Thumb? The Great Debate 

As for what type of detergent to use, new parents shouldn’t assume they need specially formulated baby detergent to clean their newborn’s clothes and bedding. In most cases, that’s just not true. “Unless your baby has allergies, eczema/topic dermatitis, or another condition causing sensitive skin, washing your little one’s clothes with the rest of the family’s clothes isn’t likely to irritate your baby’s skin,” say the experts at Nemours. Test one article of clothing first if you have a newborn. Even if there’s no reaction, Nemours’s Larissa Hirsch, MD, recommends opting for detergents free of colors or fragrances and, as a precaution, avoiding antistatic products or fabric softeners, which often have chemicals that can irritate skin. 

What the parents say

“We have 14 kids, 11 of whom are living at home at the moment, so we have a ton of laundry to do, but we do not abide by the ‘wear it once and it goes in the wash’ policy. In fact, there are times when my wife or I might tell a child that after three days in the same shirt or sweatshirt, it’s time for it to go in the laundry. The food stains are typically a dead giveaway. Jeans get two or three days’ worth of wear, depending on the activities. Underwear has a ‘one and done’ policy in our house, obviously. Shirts can go more than one wear. It really comes down to level of activity in the clothes, whether more food made it into the mouth than on the piece of clothing and even our level of ‘laundry fatigue.’” — Matt Sabo, Gloucester, Va.

“I think it’s disgusting to hear that parents and adults wear their garments more than once. We do not use any item more then once. Glass, towels, or anything. Ick.” — Francene Dudziec, Scranton, Pa.

“I wash my kids’ clothes every single time they wear them. Kids are always playing on the floor or outdoors and wiping their noses on their sleeves. My children wear fresh clothes every single time they change, and they change underwear every time too. I am also a big believer in using natural, nontoxic cleaning products and no dryer sheets.” — Shivani Gupta, Deerfield Beach, Fla.

“As a mother of four, I hate doing laundry! Every week I attempt to cut down on the massive loads. Socks and underwear are washed after every wear. PJs get multiple wears. Shirts and pants — it depends on if there’s visible dirt and smell. Sometimes the kids want to sleep in their clothes. On an exhausted night, I’m all for it! — Kelley Kitley, Chicago.

The bottom line

Washing kids’ clothes doesn’t need to be a massive chore. Unless children have sensitive skin, most experts agree you can wash their clothes along with yours anytime you see stains or they start to smell. The problem is that kids tend to get dirty more often than adults do, so those stains and smells pop up more frequently. One general rule is that the lighter and softer the fabric, and the closer it hugs the body, the more often you need to wash it. But as long as you don’t notice dirty patches, kids can wear clothes multiple times before they’re ready for the laundry pile.

Please follow @YahooParenting on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest. Have an interesting story to share about your family? Email us at YParenting (at) Yahoo.com.

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Why Are Millennials Narcissistic? Blame Income Inequality

Millennials have heard it before: People born between the early 1980s and the early 2000s are the most narcissistic, individualistic and self-absorbed generation in recorded history.

Plenty of people have tried to explain this shift, pointing fingers at coddling parents and social media. But research actually suggests that millennials aren't especially awful, as generations go. In fact, American culture has been getting increasingly individualistic for at least a century, and it's likely that socioeconomic structure is to blame.

Researchers reporting in 2013 in the journal Psychological Science found that socioeconomic changes preceded changes in individualism, particularly the change from a blue-collar manufacturing economy to one full of white-collar office workers. Meanwhile, cross-cultural research suggests that countries with greater income inequality tend to have citizens with higher self-regard. Income inequality has been on the rise in the United States since the 1970s. [7 Things That Will Make You Happy]

"Part of the answer has to be these socioeconomic processes and the distribution of wealth within the country," said Yoshihisa Kashima, a psychologist at the University of Melbourne in Australia who studies how cultures are formed and maintained.

How the generations have changed

Research presented in January at the annual meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology in San Diego found that millennials don't really like being called narcissistic and entitled. However, research suggests that these labels are, indeed, true — though not necessarily to the extent that the media and marketers make them out to be.

Though American culture has been getting more individualistic, the changes are small from generation to generation.

For the past century, cultural indicators of individualism — such as self-focused words in books, unique baby names, and less enmeshed family structures and living situations — have been on the rise, said Igor Grossmann, a psychologist at the University of Waterloo in Ontario who published findings to that effect in 2015 in the journal Psychological Science.

"Each generation probably viewed the younglings as the most egocentric as opposed to older adults," Grossmann told Live Science. "That was probably true for people in the 1930s as it is true now."

Meanwhile, research on large, reoccurring surveys of Americans that have been ongoing since the 1960s find trends toward greater self-regard. Compared with Americans of the same age in previous generations, today's youth are more entitled and narcissistic, according to research pioneered by psychologist Jean Twenge of San Diego State University. [7 Personality Features That Are Bad for You]

It can be tricky to interpret these surveys, Kashima told Live Science, because they weren't necessarily designed to measure personality traits like narcissism, and because people in the past might have interpreted questions, as they were worded, differently than people today would. Nevertheless, he said, when combined with other cultural measures of individualism, the majority of the research points to the same go-your-own-way trend.

One 2012 paper published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, however, does suggest that there may be some exceptions to the rule. That study found that Americans value obedience in children less than in the past and see social contribution as less important for a good life — both signs of individualism. But Americans are no less likely today than in the past to value friends and relatives, and are more likely to believe in unconditional love for their parents, which are communal values.

Why generations change

Even more difficult than measuring generational change is determining why it happens. Joshua Grubbs, a doctoral candidate at Case Western Reserve University in Ohio, has surveyed millennials to see how they respond to being labeled as entitled and narcissistic. As part of those surveys, he asked millennials for their opinions on why the generational gap might exist. Those data have not been analyzed, Grubbs told Live Science, but common responses include changes in parenting and technology. Scientists have proposed other possibilities, including urbanization, secularism and even the number of natural disasters (the theory being that people have to band together in the face of major events).

But what's really to blame?

The most likely culprit, according to Grossmann's research, is the economy. Grossmann and his colleagues looked for cultural shifts that occurred before individualistic culture markers, like baby names and words in books, started to change. They found only a small effect of urbanization, but the real predictor of a shift toward a more me-first society was the change from blue-collar to white-collar jobs. This urbanization shift is tied up with the overall economic trend, Grossmann said, because office buildings tend to be packed into denser urban areas than sprawling factory complexes.

The timing of the changes can't prove that one caused the other, Grossmann said, but it's the closest that psychologists can get to showing causation.

Kashima agreed that the middle-class office-worker lifestyle seems to be driving the individualism trend. But the rise in narcissism and self-esteem is not necessarily the same thing as a rise in individualism, he cautioned.

These self-regard measures seem driven by another economic shift: rising income inequality. Research across different nations finds that countries whose citizens see themselves more positively (rating themselves as "above average" compared with their fellow citizens, for example) also tend to be those with the widest gaps between rich and poor.

In the post-World War II United States, the middle class grew, but that change was soon followed by a rising income gap, such that the bottom level of the income spectrum stayed steady as the top pushed ever upward, Kashima said. As these changes have developed over the decades, it's possible they've subtly altered people's behavior.

"One of the speculations there is that the income inequality tends to make salient this sort of status difference," he said. "So a status difference means that basically, you want to feel superior to other people rather than saying, 'I'm just like other people.'"

Another question is how the oft-cited culprits of parenting and technology might play into this equation. Changes in parenting that might translate to more individualistic kids could stem from socioeconomic change, Kashima said. Modern parents are no longer likely to expect their kids to grow up to be farmers or factory workers, for example.

"Parents, I think, might be trying to prepare their kids for the increase in individualism and decline in collectiveness in their parenting style, and that might have an impact," Kashima said. [10 Scientific Tips for Raising Happy Kids]

Technology's impact is also murky. Typically, media like books and newspapers exaggerate cultural trends rather than reflecting them perfectly accurately, Kashima said. But there is at least one way that tech has changed how generations relate to one another.

"Other generations didn't have the Internet, where everyone and their mom could jump on the bandwagon," said Grubbs, who was born in 1988 and qualifies as a millennial. "We're the first generation where 'kids these days get to be talked about ad nauseam online by everyone from their peers to people two to three generations removed from them."

Unfortunately, Grubbs said, no one knows whether all this chatter makes millennials want to shake off the stereotype — or throw up their hands and embrace the narcissistic urge.

Follow Stephanie Pappas on Twitter and Google+. Follow us @livescience, Facebook & Google+. Original article on Live Science.

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CDC Introduces Zika Test for Pregnant Women

WASHINGTON (AP) — The government is shipping Zika virus tests for pregnant women to health departments around the country, but warning there could be temporary shortages, as travelers try to tell if they returned with an infection that could put a developing baby at risk.

Health officials don't expect widespread transmission of the mosquito-borne virus in the continental United States, but said Thursday that Puerto Rico is especially vulnerable. They asked for emergency funding from Congress to battle an outbreak that is quickly spreading through Latin America.

"We may see rapid spread through the island and we need to respond urgently," Dr. Tom Frieden, director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, told a Senate appropriations subcommittee.

The Zika virus is suspected of causing a rare but potentially devastating birth defect, an abnormally small head, which can indicate underlying brain damage. Brazil has reported an apparent increase in cases of that defect, called microcephaly, as Zika exploded in that country, although scientists haven't definitively proven the link.

"With each passing day the evidence that Zika is causally related gets stronger," Frieden said. "Even in this week, the data that's come out makes it look very much like this is a virus that's what we call neurotropic — it targets the nerve cells."

His agency last month found the Zika virus in the brain tissue of two dead newborns from Brazil and in placentas from two miscarriages. On Wednesday, European researchers caring for a woman who returned there from Brazil reported a post-abortion autopsy that found the virus in her fetus' severely damaged brain — one a fraction of the proper size and lacking the usual crinkly folds.

If someone is actively infected, the CDC has a test that diagnoses Zika fairly well. But most people experience no symptoms or very mild one, and the antibody test used to tell afterward if they were infected isn't very accurate. It might reflect prior infection with related viruses instead.

The CDC is urging pregnant women or those trying to become pregnant not to travel to Zika-affected areas. But if they already did, the CDC is telling doctors to test the women for Zika between two weeks and 12 weeks after they return. Those thought to have been infected then could undergo ultrasound scans to monitor fetal development.

Frieden said the agency has shipped 62,000 of those Zika tests for pregnant women to health departments and is working on more but "there may be a period of weeks or a couple of months where there aren't enough tests for the women who want to have them done."

How long after Zika exposure is it safe to get pregnant? Asked by lawmakers, Frieden responded, "If this behaves as other viruses behave, there would be no risk to the next pregnancy after some period of a month or so, but we don't know that for sure."

The Obama administration has asked Congress for $1.8 billion in emergency funding to fight Zika at home and abroad, including mosquito eradication, study of the microcephaly link and developing a vaccine. "We are stretched," Frieden said, telling lawmakers the money is needed fast, within weeks.

Asked if health officials couldn't instead use unspent money that Congress allocated for Ebola in West Africa, Frieden said those remaining dollars are committed to ensuring the remnants of that outbreak are stamped out.

Speaker Paul Ryan, R-Wis., said later Thursday that the House would act on the Zika spending request, though he said Republicans would search for spending cuts elsewhere in the budget to cover the cost and would "scrub" it for unnecessary items.

"We do anticipate some kind of bipartisan action on this because this ... is a problem we want to get ahead of," Ryan said.

Please follow @YahooParenting on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest. Have an interesting story to share about your family? Email us at YParenting (at) Yahoo.com.

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'Love Hormone' Could Predict Whether Mom and Dad Stay Together

A hormone known for its role in bonding and caregiving could predict whether new moms and dads stay together in the first years of their child's life.

Researchers found a link between low oxytocin levels in the mother during pregnancy and shortly after the baby's birth and the likelihood that new parents would break up by the time their child was 2 1/2 years old, according to the results, presented Jan. 29 at the annual meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology in San Diego.

"What these data suggest is that lower maternal oxytocin levels are associated with the risk of relationship dissolution by the time the child is a toddler," study researcher Jennifer Bartz, a psychologist at McGill University in Canada, told an audience at the meeting.

"Suggest" is a key word. The research has yet to be peer-reviewed and published in a journal, Bartz told Live Science, and the total number of breakups among the couples in the study was small.

Nevertheless, the research hints at how hormones might influence relationships, perhaps by altering how people cope with stress or handle caregiving, Bartz said.

"Ideally, the point of using neuroscience methods is, what we know about the biological processes can then deepen our understanding of the psychological processes," Bartz told Live Science. [11 Interesting Effects of Oxytocin]

Oxytocin's predictive power

Oxytocin is a powerful molecule, well known for promoting social bonding in animals. And research on humans has found that this hormone affects both parenting behavior and caring for the offspring of others, Bartz said.

In the new study, Bartz and her colleagues collected saliva samples from 341 pregnant women during their first trimester of pregnancy, in the third trimester and then seven to nine weeks after they gave birth. Then, they followed up with the women two and a half years later.

Of the 188 moms who could be reached at the last follow-up, about 90 percent (170) were still with their original partners. Seven had gone through breakups. (The rest had either been single the entire study period or had been single and were now in relationships.)

It's rare for people to break up in the first few years of their child's life, Bartz said — even if they're having relationship problems, parents are usually motivated to stick together for their kid. The reasons for the seven breakups in the study were unknown.

"There are lots of good reasons why it doesn't make sense to stay in a relationship," Bartz said.

But theseven women who had been through breakups had lower oxytocin levels during their first trimester of pregnancy and during the postpartum period than the women who'd stayed with their partners, on average. Each unit increase in oxytocin in the first trimester increased the odds of relationship survival by about seven times, Bartz reported, and each unit increase in the postpartum period raised those odds even more, by about nine times.

Stressful babies

This doesn't mean, however, that the low oxytocin caused the breakups. It's possible, Bartz said, that women with high oxytocin might interact more smoothly with their infants, as per the hormone's role in bonding. Any improvement in mother-child bonding could have a ripple effect on the overall climate of the household, Bartz said.

Alternatively, high oxytocin levels could be a sign of a "tend and befriend" approach, rather than a "fight or flight" approach to handling stress, she said. Moms who tend to reach out for support rather than withdraw might cope better with the disruption of a newborn.

A third possibility is that a woman's oxytocin levels are not a reflection of her traits, but of her situation. Women with low levels of the hormone might not have as much social or partner support as women with high levels. In other words, something was rotten in the state of the woman's life, and the oxytocin was just a warning sign.

"Just because we've identified a characteristic in the mother doesn't mean it's causal," Bartz said.

Big questions remain, she said, including the partner's role in this puzzle.

A study that involved couples "would probably give us a lot of insight," she said.

(Photo: Corbis Images)

Follow Stephanie Pappas on Twitter and Google+. Follow us @livescience, Facebook & Google+. Original article on Live Science.

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Why My Teen Will Never Have A Car

Getting a car used to be a rite of passage for American teens. Here's how that rite will disappear for many.

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Kanye West Reveals Video Game of Mom in Heaven

Kanye West revealed a trailer on Thursday night for his new video game reports Kokatu.

The trailer was revealed during West's presentation of both his new album "The Life of Pablo"and Yeezy 3 fashion collection at New York's Madison Square Garden.

Entitled "Only One" after the track West wrote about his daughter, the game is inspired by West's late-mother Donda.

(Photo: Getty Images)

"I worked on a video game and I wanted to show y'all," said Kanye at the presentation. "The idea of the game is, my mom traveling through the gates of heaven."

However after he released the video West seemed unhappy with how it was received by the crowd, shouting out to the audience, "That's not easy to do, man!" before playing the trailer again.

(Photo: Getty Images)

It was an eventful night for West, who as well as revealing his new album, Yeezy collection, and video game, also received a backlash from stars including Taylor Swift over new song "Famous", which includes lyrics about the singer, and which Swift criticized for the song's "strong misogynistic message."

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Twin Sisters Give Birth Minutes Apart

VOORHEES, N.J. (AP) — Twin sisters in New Jersey have given birth to girls just minutes apart at the same hospital.

WPVI-TV reports that Stephanie Edginton and Nicole Montgomery delivered their daughters Cora and Louisa six minutes apart on Monday afternoon at Virtua Hospital in Voorhees.

Edington says she and her sister were both due to deliver their children on Friday. But Edginton was told to go to the hospital for labor while she was at a doctor's appointment.

Edington says that as she was on her way to the hospital with her husband, she got a call saying Montgomery was on her way there, too.

The twins say they were born three minutes apart.

(Photo: Facebook/Stephanie Edginton)

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Tylenol During Pregnancy Tied to Asthma in Children

Taking Tylenol (acetaminophen) during pregnancy is associated with a slight increase in the risk for asthma in offspring, a new study has found.

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How to Help Your Kid Be a Good Valentine

Not all romantic ideas are good ones

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'Frozen' to Debut on Broadway in 2018

NEW YORK (AP) — Disney has tapped one of Broadway's freshest talents to direct one of its most anticipated musicals, "Frozen."

According to a Disney Theatrical Productions announcement Tuesday on Twitter, Alex Timbers will helm the show, which is expected to land on Broadway in 2018 alongside its hits "Aladdin" and "The Lion King."

Timbers is a two-time Tony Award nominee who directed "Peter and the Starcatcher," ''Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson," ''The Pee-Wee Herman Show" and "Rocky." He also is a co-creator and co-writer of the music-themed Amazon series "Mozart in the Jungle."

The show will have sets by seven-time Tony winner Bob Crowley, choreography by Peter Darling, lighting by five-time Tony winner Natasha Katz and sound design by four-time Tony nominee Peter Hylenski. Two-time Tony winner Stephen Oremus is the music supervisor and will create vocal and incidental arrangements.

It had been previously revealed that the husband-and-wife team of Robert Lopez and Kristen Anderson-Lopez are working on the show and Jennifer Lee, co-director and screenwriter of the film, is writing the story.

"Frozen" has earned Disney more than $1.27 billion at the box office worldwide, becoming the most successful animated movie of all time. Its signature song, "Let It Go," won an Oscar. Apple said the animated film's soundtrack was the year's top-selling album on iTunes in 2014.

The musical "Frozen" will have an out-of-town tryout in summer 2017 at a theatre to be announced later.

(Photo: Walt Disney)

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Online: http://frozenthemusical.com

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You probably had a lot of questions after seeing Liam Neeson’s LG Super Bowl commercial. It was Micheál Neeson, Liam’s eldest son. In the ad, Micheál plays a younger Liam, Liam having come back from the future — sans souvenirs — to talk about televisions, we think.

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How Often Should Kids Brush Their Teeth? The Great Debate

Like taking a bath, tooth brushing is one of those must-do activities that kids tend to start out loving (who hasn’t had toddlers insist on clutching a toothbrush as they walk around the house once or twice) but eventually most grow to hate. They usually need to be reminded to do it, then checked on to ensure they brush for longer than two seconds, and let’s not even discuss flossing.

Despite the lack of enthusiasm, tooth brushing is one of the most important parts of a child’s daily hygiene routine. Given the sugary diets of most American kids, it shouldn’t come as a huge surprise that tooth decay is the single most common chronic childhood disease — five times more common than asthma, and four times more common than early-childhood obesity. It turns out regular and thorough tooth brushing is the best defense, so how often, exactly, should kids brush their teeth?

Story: Do Kids Really Need a Bath Every Day? The Great Debate

What the research says

The number of toddlers and preschoolers with cavities continues to rise, according to the most recent report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). It’s not surprising, given that the CDC also reports the consumption of added sugar remains high among children and adolescents, with boys taking in even more added sugars per day than girls (for both sexes, the vast majority of added sugars are consumed at home). Most parents know that too much sugar is bad for children’s teeth, among a zillion other things, yet a great many more are still unsure about the frequency and proper way to care for their child’s teeth, according to research from University College London. 

Story: Should You Spy on Your Childcare Provider? The Great Debate

One study revealed parents are more likely to nudge kids to brush in the morning than the evening, but that extra brushing is definitely worth it: Children who brushed once a day or less had 64 percent more cavities than those who brushed at least twice, according to researchers at Scotland’s University of Dundee Dental School.

What the experts say

“Brushing regularly is absolutely the most important oral hygiene habit kids can develop,” Victoria Veytsman, DDS, owner of Cosmetic Dental Studios in New York City, tells Yahoo Parenting. The American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry (AAPD) recommends running a clean, damp cloth over a baby’s gums to keep them free of bacteria. Once teeth begin popping up, brush with an infant toothbrush and a tiny bit of fluoride toothpaste, say the experts at Nemours’ KidsHealth. Around age 2, ask children to spit to avoid swallowing toothpaste. Kids 3 and older need only a pea-size amount of fluoride toothpaste. The AAPD recommends all kids see a dentist by their first birthday to learn proper brushing and flossing. Regardless of age, all kids should be brushing thoroughly for two minutes at least twice a day, both in the morning and evening.

As far as which kind of toothbrush to use, both manual and powered are recommended by the AAPD, but many dentists, such as Veytsman, prefer the latter. “These brushes can remove twice as much plaque with half the effort of manual brushes. They also come in fun colors and have timers.” When choosing a manual toothbrush, look for soft, round bristles made specifically for children (they’re designed for small mouths, and they help kids control the toothbrush easily). Just be sure to supervise until kids are about 7 or 8, and toss out brushes after three months (or sooner if the bristles begin to fray). You might be surprised to learn the AAPD recommends that kids begin flossing once per day as soon as there are two teeth that touch. All kids should visit the dentist twice per year for checkups.

What the parents say

“My husband and I help our 2-year-old son brush his teeth at least twice a day (morning and before bed). I’d never given much thought to this before … it’s something we automatically do because ‘it is the right thing to do’ to prevent cavities and treat bad breath. — Natasha Smith, Kirkland, Wash.

“Kids should brush their teeth twice a day: first thing in the morning and last thing at night. This creates a good habit they will follow for the rest of their life. That’s important because a lot of baby boomers today have dentures due to the lack of oral hygiene.” — Christopher Sharp, Phoenix

“Morning and night. Our dentist gave us an hourglass timer that the kids use so they know how long to brush for.” —Abbie Rose 

The bottom line

The general consensus among experts is that kids should be brushing at least twice per day, but if you can sneak in a third brushing, especially after sugary snacks, dentists will probably cheer you. “Brushing at a young age helps develop good habits as an adult,” Veytsman says. “It's important to keep primary teeth healthy to avoid fillings or extractions [later].” Keep an eye on kids until they can be trusted to follow the guidelines for proper oral hygiene on their own, and keep up with their twice-yearly dental checkups to ensure their teeth are growing in properly.

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