I feel like we are so used to defending ourselves (or our trans siblings in the community) against that transphobic myth about „high regret rates“ that we forget that some regret is actually a natural part of living as a human being.
Nobody goes through life never regretting anything. You’ll pretty regularly regret things you did or did not do. Everyone does.
That may sound like some super pessimistic worldview, but really, it’s a good and necessary thing! You can only learn from experiences after having experienced them - and learning includes looking back and thinking „I should’ve done that differently“.
Look at any big, life-altering decision, like moving to a new place or accepting a job or making a big purchase (like a car) or getting in a relationship or getting married or having a kid or signing up for college… or even just getting a tattoo. People can regret all these things - and lots of people do. It happens all the time and it’s not the end of the world. It’s just part of life.
Now you may think „hold on, it’s not like everyone hates their job, home, partner and kids“ and you’re right - but regret isn’t an all or nothing thing.
Let’s take weddings as an example here. Of course someone could regret their wedding in the sense of „I never should’ve married this person at all“ (and people regularly do, that’s why the right to divorce is important) - but there are also plenty of people who are happy with their marriage and still have some regrets about their wedding. It could be „We spent too much money on it“ or „I thought I wanted to invite all my family but looking back, I wish it would’ve just been my closest friends“ or „I wish I would’ve been brave enough to choose the colorful dress I loved over the traditional one my mom liked“.
Similarly, trans people can have regrets about their coming out or their (social or physical) transition without it being a „I’m actually not trans at all“ situation. People can continuously identify as trans and still have regrets like „I wish I’d gone to a different surgeon“ or „Looking back, it would’ve been easier if I waited to come out until I moved out of my parents house“ or „If I had to do it all over again, I’d give myself more time to explore my options“ or „I wish I could have afforded professional voice training.“
Of course that „I thought I was trans but I’m actually not“ situation can happen too (even though it’s statistically actually much rarer than divorce). The point isn’t to deny that it ever happens - I’m just saying we shouldn’t get so obsessed with having to prove it’s rare that we start to beat ourselves up over those smaller, more common regrets that come with any big life decision.
Having regrets is part of human life, and trans people are just human beings.
kianamaiart
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