You ever notice the difference in Zuko's dynamics with first hanging around Azula's trio, and then with the Gaang? With the first, it felt to me that he was just kind of there with the group, rather than being a real part of it. Like he was just another of Azula's lackeys. But with the latter, even when he was proving himself to them, he felt more included, more equal to the others. It just irks me that he ended up paired romantically with one of Azula's friends rather than one of his own.
It is Zuko’s relationship with Team Avatar that really puts the hurt on Mai/Zuko in terms of emotional intimacy. The GAang spends about the same amount of episodes with Zuko on their side as Mai does; there are zero romantic interactions between Zuko and any of them; and physical displays of affection are limited to friendly punches and hugs. Yet think of how much deeper and more meaningful Zuko’s relationship is with any of them than it is with Mai. Look no further than Toph—Zuko bonds more emotionally with a twelve-year-old earthbender than he does with his own girlfriend. By the time the series ends, Zuko has spent time with and formed bonds with people who completely open up to him, who share their dreams, their fears, and their darkest memories, and allow him to do the same without forcing a confession; people who have moral struggles and convictions of their own, and understand why he has them, too. He’s been around people who’ve watched his back in combat, who have complimented him, encouraged him, and defended him to other members of the team. The emotional intimacy with Mai pales by comparison. Just listen to how the GAang compliments Zuko:
- If we know anything, it’s that Zuko never gives up.
- You know, Zuko, I don’t care what everyone else says about you; you’re pretty smart.
- I think your Uncle would be proud of you. Leaving your home to come help us, that’s hard.
- You have redeemed yourself to your Uncle. You don’t realize it, but you already have. All your Uncle wanted was for you to find your own path and see the light. Now you’re here with us. He’d be proud.
- I know, I had the same reaction [to Zuko joining the Avatar]. After all he’s done, it was hard to trust him. But he’s really proven himself and I never would have found you without his help.
- Well, you are kind of the expert on tracking Aang.
- Yeah, if anyone’s got experience hunting the Avatar, it’s you.
Here, on the other hand, is how Mai compliments him:
I actually kind of like you.
The GAang’s words help form a picture in your head; even without knowing Zuko, you can start to get a sense of who this person is. By contrast, the things Mai says about Zuko could be said about anyone; we have no idea what specific traits she finds attractive and compelling. The reverse is true, as well: the only things Zuko praises Mai for are either things that she doesn’t normally do, or a negative worldview that he ultimately rejects as detrimental to his own goals and ideals.
As with Mai being kept in the dark about Zuko’s turning, there is a good reason why Mai and Zuko’s emotional intimacy pales in comparison to the GAang’s: the writers likely dreaded falling into the “redemptive romance” trap that would deny Zuko agency in his own development. But a balance can be struck between a romantic interest with no impact and a romantic interest that “saves” her beloved. For a good example, take Sokka and Suki, where Suki plays a pivotal role in helping Sokka get over his sexism, without Sokka being “saved” by her or relying on her for his morality. When we think about, not whether Zuko would live, but who Zuko would be without Mai in his life, and the answer that comes up is, “He’d be exactly the same!” …well, no relationship that really matters to a person should feel like that.
