So I haven't posted in a while but I just needed to vent. I think this post is too long to be a poem though. This is not an uplifting poem like the the ones I used to share here so read with caution.
_______________________________________
"A Letter I Can't Send Anymore"
_______________________________________
Do you like the nickname?
Wouldn't it would be cool if we gave each other nicknames?
But I didn't want to sound insensitive,
I know I can be a bit too enthusiastic at the wrong time,
Hope your bads days turn good tomorrow!
Hey T, don't worry this will also pass,
I have news you MUST hear!
Can you atleast reply to me?
Things will get better I promise.
Remember when we used to brave life together?
We were wonderful souls together,
I'm still trying to be a wonderful soul,
But you fell through the cracks of life,
I couldn't help you, you know that right?
There is no such thing as good times,
Happiness has become a myth,
I would have loved to fix you,
But I knew how this would end for me,
And I promised myself 2 people before,
That I would never do that to myself again,
Even for my favorite person,
Because I owe it to myself,
So I'm not going to apologize,
But you would have been over the moon,
Because you've told me time and time again that I should put myself first,
You would have clapped for me,
You know what else happened?
I had fun for the first time,
I always had trouble on days out,
You should have seen me on that trip,
The trip you convinced me not to miss,
Sang all the tunes I listened to alone,
Out loud, for the ocean to hear,
Ran like I never had to worry about being out of breath,
For the first time, I felt what enjoyment is,
You would have smiled at how my eyes lit up while telling you about my day.
Another thing you should know,
The day you said you there is no end to suffering,
I was busy getting ready for my dream job,
I would have told you every little detail about my first day,
You were too busy, I didn't want to intrude,
But you would have been so proud,
You were my number one supporter.
I also accomplished that goal I talked about for years,
You would have been amused at how hysterical I was,
The day I made my dream come true,
But you were too in your head to notice my giddiness,
I just couldn't belive this was real,
I needed you there to tell me it was not a hallucination,
You're one of the only people who refused that I quit,
You were there when I cried myself to sleep,
You would have been so elated sitting in the stands,
Remember how you always teased me about my non-existent love life?
Saying how I would someday fall so hard,
How it would be the talk of town,
You should have seen how in love I was,
It was the miracle of the century,
For me to believe in someone else,
You would have told me how beautiful I looked,
How love looks good on me,
I love you for convincing me that love does exist.
I also had bad days, really bad days,
Couldn't gather the courage to come to you though,
Because why would I dump my sadness on you when you have already drowned in yours?
I know this will make you mad,
But I stopped sharing my happy days with you too,
Why would I dump my happiness in your face when you don't understand the meaning of the word anymore?
I know you would have been there for me,
I know you fought till the very end,