troubled bonds and broken trust ~ pt. 1 (Pokemon DP)
Set generally in Sinnoh. I haven't rewatched in a while, so take timeline and continuity mistakes as you will. Basically a Paul redemption story with a bit of Ash/Paul and Dawn/Ash sprinkled in. Enjoy a bit of angst with a (eventual) happy ending!
Dawn was the one who noticed first. It was late evening, and they were trying to find a good place to camp out for the night. Dawn had been looking out for a spot, when she noticed a bright spot amongst the foliage. Stepping closer, the figure came more into view, and Dawn stifled a gasp. Moving quickly, she called for the boys.
“Hey, Ash! Brock!” her frantic voice caught their attention immediately. In a flash, they were by her side, all of them now circling the slumped, battered, and starving figure of Electabuzz. And, to the fury of the trio, one very familiar Electabuzz.
Dawn watched with a pained expression, as Ash’s fists curled into tight fists, and he trembled with an unnameable emotion. She laid a hand on his shoulder, squeezing slightly. Relaxing a touch, he turned to her, whispering, “He can’t keep doing this. He- We have to do something. Anything.”
“You’re right,” Dawn said softly, her thumb stroking his shoulder soothingly. Then, after a deep breath, more confidently, “And we will. Brock will take good care of Electabuzz. Now, let’s go find Paul, and put a stop to… all of this.”
“You can count on me!” Brock assured, already unpacking his supplies. “I’ll make sure Electabuzz here is healed up and taken care of. I won’t let him out of my sight; you guys go find that bastard.”
Ash took a deep breath, and reached up to squeeze Dawn’s hand. His lips twisted in a grim smile, as he stated, “I suppose there’s only one thing to do."
This time, Ash was the first to notice. His eyes zeroed in on a silhouette in the rapidly dimming light. It seemed to be moving, swaying unsteadily. He squinted, looking closer, and sucked in a sharp breath. Dawn snapped her head in his direction, following his gaze, and slapped a hand to her mouth when she saw it.
Coming slowly into view, was the incredibly emaciated figure of the boy they were looking for. Neither Ash nor Dawn moved. The longer they looked, the more details they noticed. His eyes were dark and sunken, black holes in his deathly pale face. His top was bare, exposing his skin, seemingly draped directly over his bones. A ragged pair of jeans was his only shelter from the elements, accounting for the bruises and rash scars littering his body.
“Wh- you…” Ash struggled for words. Paul looked almost as bad as Electavuzz, and that snapped something into place for Ash. If he'd been wearing a shirt, Ash would have grabbed it; as it stood, he grabbed Paul’s shoulders in a death grip, and hissed in his face. “What the fuck do you think you're doing?”
“Piss off,” Paul's retort seemed to die in his throat, only a strained whisper escaping. Trying in vain to escape Ash’s hold, he spat, “none of your business.”
Dawn observed silently. Seeing Ash fired up was nothing new, but she shuddered internally as she watched the usually cherry boy exude such venomous rage. Something about Paul seemed to strip him down to his most raw and unstable. Paul wasn't much better; in fact his evidently unraveling sanity seemed to only fray faster in Ash’s presence.
“Ash,” she said softly, gently squeezing his shoulder. She nearly flinched as he turned his deep scowl on her. Collecting herself, she advised, “let's get him… not about to die, and then figure out what's going on. Alright?”
Ash stilled for a moment, and appraised Paul's form. His scowl didn't leave, but his posture relaxed slightly. Dawn turned her attention to the increasingly apparent wounds and scars accumulating on the boy's exposed body. With a shift of his weight, Ash threw Paul’s arm over his shoulder, Dawn already moving to take his other side. The duo dragged Paul’s struggling form all the way back to their campsite.
“Hey Brock,” Dawn called, prompting their cook to look up from his instruments. He appraised the scene quickly, a grim look appearing on his face.
“The tent is set up, go lay him in there,” Brock immediately began giving instructions. “Ash, you go grab the medical supplies, and Dawn, could you help me make some food and medicine here?”
“Aye, sir,” Dawn and Ash moved quickly to the tent, laying Paul on the sleeping bag already set out. While Dawn left to help Brock with the medicine and food, Ash grabbed the first aid kit, and began cleaning Paul’s most recent wounds. He was no longer struggling, but if looks could kill, he'd have assassinated the group by now.
“What. the fuck. do you think you're doing?” Ash gritted out, as he cleaned a shallow gash in Paul’s side.
“It is, actually. I don't give a shit about your sorry ass, but you've been torturing your pokemon and that is unforgivable. Again: what the fuck happened to Electabuzz, and why the fuck are you in this state too?” Ash’s eyes bore holes into Paul’s fraying consciousness.
“I… Electabuzz refused to obey me. So, I- I disciplined him-”
“-like always. Electabuzz knows what's good for him, this is how we train. This time, he still didn't obey me.”
Ash sucked in a sharp breath. He had so much he wanted to say, but one thing stuck in his mind. Why was Paul in this state too? That still didn't make sense.
“He rejected our ethos. That was supposed to be our constant,” Paul wasn't even looking at Ash anymore. His voice was thick, and his eyes were glistening. “We understood each other. Discipline and pain make us stronger. Do you know how I caught him, as an Elekid?”
Now, he looked directly into Ash’s eyes and Ash saw something desperate there. He recognized the hunger laced in with desperation and despair.
“He was training on his own, because none of the other Elekid wanted to spar with him. They were too soft for him,” Paul recanted. Ash couldn't help but listen, while his hands idly cleaned and bandaged more of Paul’s wounds.
“He was depriving himself of food for a week when I found him. I wanted to catch him, but he refused. I followed him around, you know. He was—” his voice cracked, “—is such a hard worker. He never ate a bite until he got the technique he was training for.”
Ash listened, a sense of horror slowly dawning on him. He recalled his battles with Paul, how Elekid looked at Chimchar, the pokemon he'd replaced. The intensity of his gaze; the barely contained desperation and self-loathing. He saw it so clearly now, mirrored in the boy whose bruised body he was now tracing with a disinfectant-soaked cotton pad.
“So, you punished yourself,” Ash cut in suddenly. It wasn't a question; no, his eyes were focused, now filled with a sorrowful pity, replacing the burning rage from before. He counted the scraped, gashes, and rash scars, imagining exactly how Paul might have forced them on himself.
“Wha-” Paul stuttered, mid-monologue. “What're you on abo-”
“Electabuzz lost faith in you. He rejected you,” Ash said pointedly. Paul flinched. “You didn't make him like that. You were both like that from the start. No matter what others said, you could brush it off because you both got it. You got him and he got you.”
The glistening sheen of Paul’s eyes broke, tears spilling silently. He didn't have the energy to retort.
“Yet, he still walked away. Because of course he did,” Ash didn't mind rubbing it just a little bit. “But this time, you couldn't brush it off. This time it was your fault. You have no one to blame but yourself.”
Paul no longer restrained his tears, as he silently sobbed under Ash’s scrutinizing gaze.
“I tried, you know…” eventually, a tortured whisper escaped his lips. Ash’s eyes locked on Paul’s. “I went back. I told him to come back, and we—” Paul shuddered as a fresh sob wracked his frame, “—we could figure it out. To- together,” he barely managed to get out before collapsing into more wretched sobs.
“Then why?’ Ash asked, though he was mostly sure of the answer. “Why didn't you stop it? Why isn't he back with you? Why did we find him battered and starving in the woods?” Ash tried to keep the anger down, but he couldn't help the rising tone as he got more worked up.
“He… he didn't want to. He—” Paul took several deep breaths before continuing, still barely a whisper. “He told me to release him.
Ash looked on sadly. Sure, he was angry, but the weight of that last sentence shook him to his core, for entirely different reasons. Loathe as he was to admit it, he understood exactly the anguish Paul was feeling right now. Just the thought of any of his Pokemon saying that to him felt like a dagger straight to his heart. He looked at Pikachu, who was wearing an equally anguished look, no doubt thinking of Electabuzz.
“So… you didn't release him?” Ash prompted, in a whisper of his own.
“N-no,” Paul admitted. “I just… I couldn't bring myself to. I hate it. I hate myself, I'm a worthless waste of space. I know I need to let him go, but…” another deep breath. “I don't deserve to exist.”
Ash watched as Paul once again collapsed into a fit of ugly sobs. A pit settled in his stomach as he processed Paul's last admission. As the knot in his gut tightened, he glanced, again, over the body whose worst wounds were now cleaned and bandaged. He noted the layers of scars, light and dark, deep and shallow. The splotches of skin he was sure must have been married by rash upon rash. He began to wonder just how long Paul had been out there.
Just then, Dawn popped her head in, and gently called for Ash.
“Huh? Oh, hey Dawn, is dinner ready?” Ash looked up at her, trying to sound casual. Not that it worked, unsurprisingly.
“Oh, Ash,” she said softly, moving to sit by him, following his gaze as it returned to Paul. “How bad is it?”
Ash took a deep breath before answering. “Pretty fucking bad.”
“Um, I…” Ash turned to catch her intent gaze focused on him, and moved to grasp her hand by his knee. “Yeah, that would be great actually, thank you.”
“Of course. No need to worry,” she squeezed his hand, and he chuckled.
“He…” Ash stumbled for a place to start. “He's kinda fucked up, mentally.”
“Mhm…” Dawn listened without comment, looking to see where this goes.
“Like, I mean actually, like clinically fucked up, man,” Ash turned to her, surprising her with an expression more sad than angry. “He's fucking suicidal. His warped idea of training… the way he treats his pokemon… he's torturing himself too. He's hurting himself on purpose.”
Dawn gasped softly, giving Ash’s hand another squeeze as he continued, voice thick with several emotions.
“Electabuzz was like that too, y'know?” He looked at her, and she saw the anguish reflected in his eyes. “He… he explained it to me. How they met. They were the best fit in the worst possible way. They enabled each other.”
“That… actually makes a lot of sense,” Dawn commented solemnly, processing what she was hearing.
“He's hurting himself, Dawn,” Ash whispered. “He hurt Electabuzz, and this time was the last straw. He… he's not safe by himself.”
Dawn looked over at Paul’s still figure. She noted his silence, and realized he had already fallen asleep. Turning back to Ash, she pulled him up.
“Okay,” she said, firmly. “We don't leave either of them out of our sight. He obviously needs help. And we can't let him be alone with Electabuzz until something changes.’
“So, we feed them. Heal them. Until Paul isn't a danger to himself or Electabuzz. Can you do that?”
Her voice was gentle, but Ash recognized the stern reprimand behind it. He knew how Paul affected him. How they affected each other, frankly. After a moment of thought, he nodded.
“Alright then, shall we get ready for dinner? I know the team wins going to love the spread tonight. Brock really went all out.” She turned to Paul. “And let's get some healthy food into him before he disappears into thin air.”
A/N: just some angsty Paul redemption. DP is what I grew up on and was such an amazing run. And, while Paul was one of my favorite parts of it, they really dropped the ball on his redemption. I've always had this idea of a mentally warped and tortured Paul, with Elekid "matching his freak" in a way Chimchar never could. Hopefully a part 2 soon.
stormborns
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