"I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you, but not as much as I do..."
Hey there, I recently have dove headfirst into Cyberpunk 2077 (a few years too late, I know-) and I decided to make a sideblog for it! I plan on posting about my OC, Z (who is just the V for the game but his name is Zachary so he goes by "Z" instead).
As of writing this, I have not finished the game just yet but I'm already hooked and honestly wish I got into it sooner. But yeah, say hi, ask me some questions, and expect a lot of Z x Jackie because I'm unnatural about them. Doomed cyber yaoi for the win.
I have 3 other OCs that you'll see! Mel Torren, who is an ex-netrunner/merc and now runs a place that's like a seedy motel, where she lets people stay for real cheap and doesn't ask questions. I also have Echo, a young hacker prodigy with all cybernetic limbs and a smart mouth. My other one, his name is Mikey Bowe, and he owns a shop that sells old physical media and other vintage stuff but also has a love of gambling and considers pretty much everyone his choom.
Z is having a rough night and calls his boyfriend to help.
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Warnings: Mental health struggles, mentions of suicidal thoughts / attemps, depression, mentions of past trauma (death of a loved one, child abuse, medical trauma)
Zach couldn't sleep.
Which wasn't an uncommon occurrence. Majority of his nights were spent tossing and turning restlessly. Unable to get comfortable, unable to quiet his racing thoughts. Only time he was able to go to bed easily was when he was too drunk to linger on his thoughts or he was too exhausted from a job to even fight with rest.
But tonight was different. This wasn't just his insomnia bothering him, it was….deeper than that. It wasn't something that he could just get up, watch TV for a while, go for a ride, step out for a smoke to fix before trying to sleep again. He had already tried stepping out for fresh air - as fresh as it could be in the Megabuilding Complex - and tried relaxing on his couch and watching TV. It didn't help. Because he could always try to tire himself out enough to go to sleep, but it wasn't that keeping him up tonight. It was his thoughts, and no amount of distractions could chase those away.
Z laid on his back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling as he had for…well, he didn't even know how long. It was still dark outside, he knew that much, but he couldn't be bothered to check the time. Couldn't really be bothered to do anything but lay there, mostly motionless.
His childhood. All the shit he went through. Doctors, his abusive father, his dismissive mother, the degradation from both. The stuff he saw growing up on the streets, the things he did, the things he continued to do. The sudden death of his last partner, her dying in his arms. Everything shitty that had ever happened to him was hitting him at once, and he couldn't just shut them out like he always managed to. All of his insecurities, of not being enough, of failing those he cared about….
It was too much.
He takes in a slow, deep breath, his bare chest rising slowly before he exhales the air from his lungs. Maybe he'd try another smoke here in a few. He still had his pajama pants on from the last one he had outside his apartment….hell, maybe an hour ago. Maybe two. The night just blended together into one long mess of thoughts. His hands rub over his scarred face with a groan before his arms drop limply to his sides.
Without thinking really, he opens up his contacts, scrolls through them, pauses on Jackie’s name. 1:24 am. He couldn't bother him….not like this. He wasn't in any danger…well, not immediate. But…he tried not to go down that line of thought if he could avoid it. Too many times he'd stood on a rooftop, or stared at his pistol a little too intensely. Only reason he hadn't reached that point yet was probably….because of Jackie. Because Z couldn't bear the thought of hurting his mainline like that. Of leaving him all alone, wondering if he could've stopped it, convinced Z otherwise.
….Maybe he should call.
Z exhales softly, then selects Jackie’s name, and listens to the ringing as he stares at the little window with Jackie’s name above it. He probably was passed out right now, he probably wouldn't even pick up, Z thought. Maybe it'd be good if he didn't. Z had no real reason to bother his partner, especially waking him up in the middle of the night with some bullshit call. He'd be fine. He always managed to pull away from that edge. He was still around, wasn't he? So he'd do it now….right?
Before Z can contemplate just hanging up and continuing on, to his surprise, Jackie answers, his voice coming out in a groan as his image pops up in Zach's vision. Jackie had definitely just woken up, given the lack of much lighting and how he seemed to be laying on his side, eyes blinking open.
“Mmm…hola, mi niño….what's up?”
Z suddenly loses his words, feeling guilty and stupid for even calling now, for bothering his partner like this…
“Hey, baby, just…” Z's eyes shift to the side, trailing off as he loses the strength to actually voice why he called.
Jackie blinks his tired eyes for a few moments and shifts, sitting up with a yawn. “Can't sleep, princesa?”
Z gives a slight, unconvincing nod. “Yeah, uh….something like that…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up, I just….”
Even in his half awake state, Jackie lets out a soft huff of a chuckle, giving Z a smile that the younger merc catches even with the dim lighting. “Can't sleep a single night without me, huh?” Jackie teases, but Z's eyes remain off to the side, not even a ghost of a smile cracking his lips. Jackie scowls, his tone coming out much more serious as he looks at his partner through the holo, “Zach, baby, everything okay? Something happen?”
Z takes in a soft, sharp intake of breath that was just shy of a gasp before he forces himself into a smile, his eyes flicking forward to meet Jackie’s concerned gaze. “Nah, love, I'm…I'm fine, just…insomnia being a cunt like always…”
Jackie looks uncertain. He could always see right through Z, even when Z thought his walls were kept up so well. He both loved and hated that about his partner. That Jackie cared enough to pick up on when he wasn't doing well and tried what he could to help, but also that he could see those parts of Z that the merc tried desperately to keep under wraps, to keep from being vulnerable.
Z's partner lets out a long sigh, but then speaks in a soft, supportive tone, “Wanna just….chat over the phone for a while, then? Maybe it'll tire you out, mi corazón….”
Zach nods, eyes slowly shifting off to the side once again, and suddenly his throat feels tight and rough, a hard clench coming to his chest. He inhales a little shakily through his nose, keeping his eyes off to the side as he feels that familiar burn, and he tries so hard to fight it, but his next breath comes out a bit too hard, and he's sobbing softly.
Jackie immediately notices, his brows furrowing. “Baby, baby, what's the matter? Why're you crying?”
Z squeezes his eyes shut and holds a hand over his eyes as they well with tears, as if it'll stop them from falling. He shakes his head, his upper half shuddering as he speaks in a hoarse, scratchy voice, “It's….fucking stupid, it's nothing…”
“Hey, hey….it ain't nothing, Zach…not for me. C'mon, you can talk to me…”
Something about Jackie's sweet, concerned voice only makes the sobs come out harder, and Z buries his face in his hands as he cries, his entire body shaking on his bed. He felt so ridiculous for crying over nothing, so selfish for waking his boyfriend up just to deal with his problems. It wasn't fair to Jackie at all, and Zach considered just hanging up, but he knew that would only make the other so much more worried.
“It's nothing…” Z whispers out between his trembling sobs.
“No, no, baby….it's not nothing-”
“It's literally nothing, nothing….happened!” Z replies, frustrated with himself, with his head for being so fucked up that he was breaking down like this. “Just….everything….fuck, I dunno…” He pulls his hands down from his eyes, his fingers resting on the lower half of his face as his golden, teary eyes look off to the side. Ashamed of his own emotions.
“Okay….that's okay, Zach…it happens…” Jackie responds in an all too understanding tone that has Z's breathing trembling. “What do you want me to do, mí amor?”
Z squeezes his eyes shut tightly, his tears streaming down either side of his face. He didn't know why he even called. Why he had to push his problems on his partner who just wanted to sleep.
Z was quiet for a long time, and when he doesn't answer, Jackie urges softly, “Need me to come over…?”
Zach slides his hands to the sides of his neck, his palms pressing against the metal implants on the sides of his throat, eyes still fixed to the side. He then gives a little, silent nod, his throat and eyes burning from his crying.
Jackie nods slowly. “Okay, baby….gimme a sec to throw some clothes on, and I'll be over, okay? Sé fuerte, princesa…I'll be with you soon.”
Z huffs out a hard breath, nodding once again. “....Okay, baby….”
Jackie shifts a bit, seemingly looking around for some clothing to throw on, then he pauses, hesitating. His voice comes out soft, careful…
“Baby…do you need me stay on the phone with you?”
Z brushes his palms over his face, wiping some stray tears away. He knew what Jackie was asking without directly saying it.
He didn't want Z doing anything to himself in the time it took him to get there.
Zachary takes a breath to calm himself, to force himself to speak, even though his words catch in his throat a bit. “I'll, uh…” He clears his throat, and finally looks towards Jackie. “I'll be okay, love…” When Jackie silently stares at him, his worry written all over his face, Z speaks again, forcing his voice to sound more steady and certain, “I'll be okay, baby. I promise.”
Jackie still looks at Zach with uncertainty, but rather than push his partner and potentially upset him, he nods slowly. “Okay, princesa….I'll be over soon, okay? Just….hang on for me, yeah?”
Z exhales and manages to slowly push himself up to a sitting position, leaning back against the wall and nodding. “Yeah, yeah….I will. I love you, Jackie.”
Jackie offers Z a little comforting smile, pulling his hair back into a ponytail. “I love you too, Zachito.”
Once the call is over and Z is left alone, the merc sighs hard and leans his head back against the wall, shutting his eyes as he hugs one of his knees to his chest. That guilt of bothering Jackie was still there, but….there was also a bit of relief in it, knowing that he was coming. Z didn't necessarily think he would've done anything drastic if he hadn't, but it made him feel better that his comfort would be here with him, and maybe Jackie being around would chase those thoughts away, even if it was just for the night.
When Jackie arrives, he lets himself in given Z had granted him access to the apartment a long time ago. Z hadn't moved from his bed, sitting in the dark with a cigarette between his lips, his golden eyes shifting towards Jackie when he walks in.
“Hey, baby….” Z calls out softly.
Jackie steps into the room, tugging off his jacket and kicking off his boots before walking over and sitting beside Z, who scoots over on the bed to make some room. Jackie places an arm around Z's shoulders, pulling him close against his side. “Hola, mi amor….How're we feeling?”
Z immediately melts against Jackie's side, sighing at the comforting warmth and familiar scent of his boyfriend. He shuts his eyes, relishing in the physical reminder that Jackie was here, that he wasn't alone….that he was cared for. Z takes a slow drag from his cigarette before exhaling the smoke slowly, eyes opening and gazing ahead.
“Dunno….same, I guess…” He mutters in a defeated tone. “Just….some nights are hard….”
Jackie gives an understanding nod of his head, his hand squeezing at Zach's shoulder and resting his head atop the black crown of hair of his boyfriend. “I get that, princesa….Wanna talk about it?”
Z inhales, silent for a moment as he ponders. Going into what was bothering him, it wouldn't fix anything. It was all stuff from the past, things that would probably always haunt him. Talking about it would only upset him further. But for the time being, this? This felt nice.
This felt safe.
Zach takes another drag of his cigarette before handing it off to Jackie, shaking his head and curling up against his side. The smaller merc pushes his face into Jackie’s chest, focusing his thoughts more on that comfort, that warmth. The safe place that was his partner. Because no matter how bad things were in his past, Jackie was always that light that chased away any lingering shadows in Zach's mind.
“Nah….don't need to.” Z murmurs into Jackie’s side. “Already feel better with you here.”
Jackie inhales a bit of smoke, his other hand shifting from Z's shoulder and into his hair, massaging the back of his scalp and listening to the content sigh of his partner.
“I'm always gonna be here for ya, cariño….You don't gotta be strong around me.”
Those few sweet words almost bring the tears back to Zach's eyes, but instead, he simply cuddles closer, draping an arm across Jackie’s lap.
Hey chooms, doing Artfight this year and I got my Cyberpunk OCs on there!! If anyone has Cyberpunk OCs and wants to attack me, I am open!! I'm also good with friendly fires, so I'm free game!
Hates being compared to a dog, though it's accurate. Beaten dogs will bite. He's been hurt so often in his life that he's distrusting of anyone new. He's mean, he can be cruel. He's quiet, quick to snap. Was raised in a cruel environment, so he in return is cruel.
But then, like a traumatized dog, give him love, show him kindness and softness, and he doesn't bite. He gets happy around those certain people. He gets excited seeing those people. And he will protect them and be loyal to them until the day he dies. Hurt them, and he'll hurt you.
Him with Jackie especially. Before Jackie, Z was barely pushing through, he was closed off, didn't see anything good for himself, didn't even think about a future for himself. Just walking the streets, getting by each day. Then this guy shows up, offers him food, and they hit it off. Even with the rocky start, Jackie saw past the teeth and biting, and that melted away as Z realized he could trust Jackie. That he was safe with him. And he allowed himself to trust and love him even after everything he had been through in his life.
Sorry, just had to ramble about how I heavily associate Z with dog imagery, in so many aspects.
Some little rough doodle pages I made for my OCs way back that I haven't shared.
This is my V(they/he), there's some more about them on here. They're a smug brat corpo, throw rocks at them. Also I love them.
And this is one of my other OCs, Casey. She's a streetkid and I have an AU with my friend @z-the-merc where she's the one in Z's head while Johnny is in my V's. The real her dies circa 2074. This is her in 2069 at 19, she has no cyberware yet.
Much as it says not C(she insisted this at first), Z does in fact call her C 😅
Omg I didn't share this doodle of my little trio of merc OCs 😌
The JVs! Sage, JR, and King! They're a trio of mercs who do everything together (and are also in a poly relationship with each other).
They're more side characters than main OCs but I still love em
Sage Monroe: Wild card who acts first, thinks never. Grew up seeing the shittiest parts of NC, became a merc to take control of her own life. Doesn't shy away from the hard jobs.
Jamie "JR / Jack Rabbit" Rivera: Short tempered but knows everything there is to know on guns and cars. Child of two Valentinos, he decided to try solo work rather than fall into the gang scene. Is typically the one who always knows somebody who knows somebody.
Victoria "Viking / King" Lung: Always mild tempered unless in a fight. Brought up in a Nomad family, but left to NC to become a merc once she was old enough when the family she was in dissolved. Is the voice of reason of the three.
