I can't even be myself In front of my family anymore
I came out to my mother about my identity and religion and she was really supportive and I'm really happy with this but my grandma today saw me wearing my tail again and started yelling at me that I'm mentally ill and I must be like those girls with the tops that expose half of their chest and the 3m nails and I said that I won't fall to this level and she literally started SCREAMING at me for standing up for myself and not wanting to fit in with everyone else
And like I left the house for a walk and she started spamming me with calls and shit like that because I left, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE
I'm not running away from home I'm just keeping my distance from her because I don't want to have a mental breakdown
Warning: if you get emotional easily please don't read this I don't want people to get upset because of this
me and Crystalus used to be close friends for like two years and I shared a lot with him, about my life, my struggles, my fears everything because I trusted him blindly
His best friend was getting jealous that my bestie Maria was hanging out with her ex friend and started talking shit about them
She started lying to everyone that Maria was talking behind our backs and wasn't a true friend and this came to me as a shock because I knew Maria for 12 years, since kindergarten to be specific
Crystalus believed everything that he heard from that bitch and started distancing me because "Maria was staring at him"
Back then I wasn't feeling well mentally and I was really stressed so this just made me even worse especially because in elementary school everyone was bullying me for no reason and I was to be blamed for everything that went wrong and guess what the teachers did?
Correct nothing ☹️
Anyway back to where I was oh right, after that I remember that I was just talking with Maria and her friends when he came up to her, pushed me aside and grabbed her shirt, I was in a complete shock I couldn't move my body I couldn't do anything but stare at them and he started cursing her, and her beliefs because his best friend said that she was talking shit about him
When I say I could control my emotions I mean it, until the end of the school year I was crying and blacking out mentally whenever I was near him and we were sitting in the same desk in the same class 🥹🔫
After the school year came to an end he had pushed away two of my close friends Lux and Saf and I couldn't talk to them much especially Lux because of him but now he blocked them so I'm not scared anymore
Well... I'm still recovering from the whole trauma I went through and I'm still getting paranoid that if I do something that annoys my friends they'll leave me like he did but I'm recovering and that's what matters
Thank you for all the support, I will never stop doing what I love and I guess I'll start trusting less blindly, especially with my shattered heart which I put back together piece by piece 😔
Something I noticed after I stopped caring about him and stopped blaming Myself for everything is that I stopped flinching whenever someone moved his had fast towards me
Back when we were still friends and I had stupid feelings about him I used to annoy the shit out of everyone in the friend group because that's my way of showing I care a lot about someone
Like teasing, annoying, making stupid jokes and he used to punch me or pretend to do so, and his punches were really strong, I used to have a lot of bruises on my arms because of him but I didn't care because of those stupid romance feelings I had for him 😒
It became so bad to the point where my mother once tried to hug me and I backed away because I was used to being punched and stuff like that
Thinking about this now makes me see how naive and blind I was to love someone like him but for some reason I still feel the need to be his friend again....
Help a disabled queer afford It's wheelchair during Disability Pride month!
❤️💛🤍💙💚
Hi there friends! Unfortunately I've been struggling with a painful nerve condition that causes me to faint quite a bit. I've been dealing with this for a long time now and this Disability Pride month I've decided to open up semi-emergency commissions in order to afford a mobility aid!
More about that under the cut- But first! The commissions!
I'm opening general digital art commissions for 10$ to 20$
Simple sketches or partial color for 10$
Flat color or finished Painting style for 20$
I'm open to drawing just about anything, Including NSFW, furry, anime, realism, gore, etc.
Fair warning though, I'm most practiced with Anime and Realism, so Sci-fi and Mechs are a bit out of my wheelhouse. I'm willing to try!
As for payment, I made a Kofi for this! ( https://ko-fi.com/smolpaw )
but I also have venmo or paypal if that doesnt work. Just feel free to DM. When DMing, please say the word Lemons so I know you're not a bot.
Thanks! Paws and love to all you fellow creatures.
additional Medical details below vvvvv
As of November last year I've been in relapse for Pseudo-Tumor Cerebri. Meaning this is likely going to be a condition I'll have for the rest of my life. Pseudo-Tumor Cerebri (also known as IIH) is when your spinal cord over produces fluid and puts lots of extra pressure on the brain. There is no known cause and no known cure. Only meds and then hopefully the body corrects itself and goes back to normal (which sometimes it does. for others... it doesnt).
The meds have their own host of side effects, such as essentially giving me a fainting disorder, blood-pressure issues, among other things. In additon I've been dealing with issue of immense flare-ups of nerve pain with seizure-like episodes, and what my neurologist has described as "POTS-like" symptoms (we're working on ruling that out but its a whole process with more specialists and medical bills).
A cheap, portable wheelchair would greatly increase my ability to move about the world and get to appointments with less pain. And if I'm being wishful, I'd like to be able to go to the zoo for my birthday without risk of fainting.
My brother broke my fox ears and insulted me for being a therian, he even pretended to call animal control on me because I was having a bad shift and growled at him
Idk why I'm posting this... I'm just really upset rn
Warning: if you get emotional easily please don't read this I don't want people to get upset because of this
me and Crystalus used to be close friends for like two years and I shared a lot with him, about my life, my struggles, my fears everything because I trusted him blindly
His best friend was getting jealous that my bestie Maria was hanging out with her ex friend and started talking shit about them
She started lying to everyone that Maria was talking behind our backs and wasn't a true friend and this came to me as a shock because I knew Maria for 12 years, since kindergarten to be specific
Crystalus believed everything that he heard from that bitch and started distancing me because "Maria was staring at him"
Back then I wasn't feeling well mentally and I was really stressed so this just made me even worse especially because in elementary school everyone was bullying me for no reason and I was to be blamed for everything that went wrong and guess what the teachers did?
Correct nothing ☹️
Anyway back to where I was oh right, after that I remember that I was just talking with Maria and her friends when he came up to her, pushed me aside and grabbed her shirt, I was in a complete shock I couldn't move my body I couldn't do anything but stare at them and he started cursing her, and her beliefs because his best friend said that she was talking shit about him
When I say I could control my emotions I mean it, until the end of the school year I was crying and blacking out mentally whenever I was near him and we were sitting in the same desk in the same class 🥹🔫
After the school year came to an end he had pushed away two of my close friends Lux and Saf and I couldn't talk to them much especially Lux because of him but now he blocked them so I'm not scared anymore
Well... I'm still recovering from the whole trauma I went through and I'm still getting paranoid that if I do something that annoys my friends they'll leave me like he did but I'm recovering and that's what matters
Thank you for all the support, I will never stop doing what I love and I guess I'll start trusting less blindly, especially with my shattered heart which I put back together piece by piece 😔
it's been a long while since the last incident and I wanted to keep you updated, my friend talked with the cops and they found two of the girls who were harassing us, things are getting better now and I'm working on the series too YAY
I know I'm not doing vents much but I can't hold back now
I was out with my best friend who I haven't seen in AGES and some wanna be divas came over and started talking to us inappropriately and asking personal questions
Fuck I feel so awful not because they were asking me weird questions like "do you have a d*ck" or "have you done s*x" but because when we were leaving they grabbed my friend's hand and told him to come with them somewhere else and I didn't notice until we left and he told me
I should have noticed, I should have stopped them before they scared him, now he's really upset and I feel like it's my fault and worse? I'm scared he won't want to go out because of that situation
And I forgot to mention
THEY WERE RECORDING US
Please be careful when going outside because there are people like that everywhere and I am really shaken up now because I couldn't just punch them in the face because of that God damn phone recording my every move
This is serious please be careful out there and if you are one of those people who do all that I have one thing to say
FUCK OFF
Edit: if I see them again I'm gonna call the fucking cops I swear to God
Another update because after that I'm gonna lock in to make the first two episodes of Dreamtopia
So I went public gearing today with my friend at the beach and it was awesome, at first I was scared it was gonna go bad like the last time when a grown ass man started growling at me and smiling (yes people in my town need psychiatric care)
Anyway, it went great and no one judged me and I had so much fun, I wanted to do quadrobics too but my parents were near so I was like "oh hells nah" because my dad doesn't know I'm a therian and doesn't support as much as my mother
Exams are going...well I guess but my mind is wandering to forests and Beaches and I can't wait to make the official announcement about Dreamtopia, FINALLY
Don't mind me I'm just going home after one of my exam helping classes got cancelled and I sneaked out with my friend
I'm giving B2 English exams help I was really nervous but the speaking exam was so easy because I literally had to talk about my favorite subjects: film, music, future job ❤️❤️❤️❤️
In a few hours I'll give writing exams so wish me luck 🥲🤞
I just finished with the writings and everything went smoothly, it was way easier than I thought so I'm not scared for the results of that
...but I am scared of the school finals I mean I'm fine with not studying for it because my main grade is enough to pass to highschool but my mother wants me to get the best results ever 😭
I'm giving B2 English exams help I was really nervous but the speaking exam was so easy because I literally had to talk about my favorite subjects: film, music, future job ❤️❤️❤️❤️
In a few hours I'll give writing exams so wish me luck 🥲🤞
Thank you all for the support I really don't know how to put it on words but every comment helps me so so SO much more than you can imagine
Y'all are amazing people and I can't thank you enough for the support you give me, I never thought I'd get this far with my channel and I hope one day I can inspire more kids with big dreams like mine
Why is it that every time I say "okay I'll spend a few days focusing on animating and ANIMATING Only" the universe is like "nah I don't think so"
a metallic stand for toys was knocked down by a strong wind and fell in the PERFECT angle to hit the back of my head and shoulder 🥀🥀🥀
I'm fine now don't worry, it wasn't something serious it was just me having a headache for two days straight so I couldn't focus on anything else but I'm back and posted a new short on YouTube (later on TikTok too)
everyone said I should go to the hospital but I'm fine now so yeah 👍 I'm back to working on the series...and studying for the exams that will determine if I get to highschool or repeat the same grade next year so wish me luck 🥲👍
