Space Hobo

Zade Kalliday, [pronounced Zaydee] here and ready to serve you up just what you're after at Oga's Cantina. And look absolutely stunning while doing so.

[zadekalliday]

Hondo, handing Zade the comm, voice teasing: Your boyfriend is paging.

Zade: Archex is not my boyfriend!

Zade, snatching the comm and lowering his voice: Hey babe.

[zadekalliday]

Cardinal: Wait... did you just flirt with me?

Armitage: I have been for the past five years, but thanks for noticing.

[zadekalliday]

Pyre: Thanks, Dad. Pyre: ... why is everyone staring at me? SC-4044: You just called Captain Cardinal dad; you said thanks, dad. Pyre: What? No, I didn't. I said thanks, sir. Cardinal: Do you see me as a father figure, Pyre? Pyre: No, if anything, I see you as a bother figure, 'cause you're always bothering me. SC-4044: Hey! You show your father some respect!

[zadekalliday]

Zade: This is my boyfriend, Archex. And this is his boyfriend, Armitage.

[zadekalliday]

Archex: Zade, we need you to settle this for us. Which is better; tea or caf?

Zade: Both.

Armitage: That’s not an answer, you can’t chose both!

Zade, grabbing the tea kettle and caf pot-- pouring both into an empty mug then downing the whole thing: Both.

Archex and Armitage: What the kriff--...

[zadekalliday]

Archex, after taking a sip of Fuzzy Tauntaun, panicking: Zade my mouth—

Zade: yeah that's the narcotics

Archex: the wHAT?

[zadekalliday]

Archex: I'm adopting a kid.

Finn: That's fantastic—

Archex, sliding over adoption papers: It's you, you're the kid. Please sign here.

[zadekalliday]

Armitage: Honestly I don't understand why Archex likes you.

Zade: Because I'm pretty.

Armitage: Pretty annoying.

Zade: Annoyingly pretty.

[zadekalliday]

Archex: This caf tastes like hapabore crap.

Vi: So did that stuff the First Order tried to pass as food, and yet you ate that without much complaint.

Archex: Well, back there at least there was amazing caf to wash it down with.

[zadekalliday]

Brendol: Okay, with your new title comes very specific rules to be sure you follow.

Cardinal: Of course, sir.

Brendol: Don't talk to Armitage, unless necessary for your job. As a matter of fact, it'd probably be best to avoid him all together.

Cardinal: I—... of course, sir. I can do that.

Five minutes later.

Armitage: Hello, I just wanted to congratulate you personally on your newfound title.

Cardinal: Oh— I... 😳 thank you sir.

[zadekalliday]

Archex, who actually isn't purely human: I've actually figured out how to tell if something would kill a human just by eating it.

Vi: I... don't do that

[zadekalliday]

Zade, picking up a porg: Stinky.

Archex: No! Don't be mean!

Zade, scritching the porg on her head: Stinky bastard bird.

Archex: Nooo!

Armitage, without looking up from his datapad: Naughty girl. Brat bird.

Archex: Stoooop!!!!

[zadekalliday]

Cardinal: You look pretty...

Armitage: ... What did you say?

Cardinal: I— I said you look shitty—.

Cardinal, sliding his helmet on to hide his flush: Good night, General.

[zadekalliday]

Cardinal, over text: You hurt my feelings, you know.

Cardinal: With what you said earlier in front of everyone. That was rude.

Armitage: Baby.

Cardinal: >:( now is NOT the time for pet names

Armitage: No.

Armitage: I am CALLING you a baby.

Armitage: I’m INSULTING you.

[zadekalliday]

Dolin: Cute names to call your significant other— go.

Armitage: annoyance

Archex: menace

Zade: asshole

Armitage: oh yeah, definitely that one!

Dolin, not writing ANY of that down: Guys....

[zadekalliday]

Chaos is not always the answer, but when it's an option it's the fun one to pick.       — Zade Kalliday, probably

[zadekalliday]

Zade: From now on we’ll be using code names. You can address me as Eagle One.

Zade: Hondo, your code name will be been there, done that.

Zade: Archex is currently doing that.

Archex: Zade—

Zade: Armitage is it happened one in a dream.

Armitage: ... wait—

Zade: Valoss' code name is if I had to pick a woman.

Zade: And Vi... Eagle Two.

Vi: Oh thank the stars.