where the river meets the sea

Zaiden Zimmer 9teen. Reluctant pirate. Son of Zarina. Pixiedust & pixie sticks enthusiast. undeclared major. Lover of the waves, the wind, and the feeling of sea spray in your face.

[squirmysmee]

Okay, so, what sounds more like a Tiktok channel you’d want to watch: one where a ventriloquist dummy judges people’s Matchmakr profiles or one where a ventriloquist dummy reads funny stories that people send in?

[zaidenzimmer]

I’m sure the app is scary, I’ve seen all the horror story screenshots and all that fun stuff. But if you go in expecting to get like dick picks and people trying to get you to buy them stuff it can’t be too bad, right? You don’t get to choose who they send you, it’s all based on location. So my guess is that person would never come up on my feed. And that’s assuming someone hasn’t wifed or husbanded them up, because clearly they were a total catch.

[angelinatremaine]

Guess who just officially got her first kitchen job in Auradon? If you guessed this girl then you’re absolutely 100% correct! Bye bye barista at CrownBucks life, hello kitchen porter at Sound Bites life. 

[zaidenzimmer]

Congratulations! Although I’ll probably see you a hundred percent less without you working at Crownbucks. I need my caffeine fix before class! Although I guess it’s been a while since I hit up Sound Bites, but if you’re in the kitchen it probably wouldn’t matter either way.

[zaidenzimmer]

How do you feel about morally grey characters?

I think they’re fun in fiction but not so much in real life. I think the closest I’m willing to get is like chaotic good, I think the world needs more good people.

[zaidenzimmer]

How do you feel about day drinking?

I don’t have an issue with any drinking as long as it’s done responsibly. Honestly, I kind of like it better than night drinking? It’s nice to just like go down to the beach and have a bottle of something and look out on the waves and feel kind of vast and endless and warm. It’s even better if you’ve got some friends around.

[zaidenzimmer]

How do you feel about the other fairies around here?

Admittedly, I don’t know any of the other fairies around here really well but here it goes.

@tripbell: Trip is the coolest. I’m so jealous of his cartography talent, because I can literally get lost finding the bathroom some places here. He’s like a human true north and he’s also just generally the nicest dude all around, plus pretty damn fun too.

@malbfaery: I really don’t think I’ve ever talked to her but her art is cool, although I’ve never understood the whole purple hair thing.

@janetobin: Jane is really nice and she’s responsible for so many of the awesome parties and events around here. She really doesn’t get enough credit for all the work she does and how humble and amazing she is about it.

[zaidenzimmer]

How do you feel about piracy?

I’m not going to lie, I don’t totally understand why it exists in Auradon. We all have more than enough so it seems kind of counterproductive? But my crew is cool and I love being on boats, so it’s definitely not the worst way to spend my time.

[zaidenzimmer]

How do you feel about acai bowls?

They’re good, I love fruit! I’m not so crazy about the ones that are filled with peanut butter and all that shit but masquerade as being healthy when they’re like a day’s worth of food. But the traditional acai? Really good.

[zaidenzimmer]

blondes

I don’t really understand what the relevance is but I’m pro. Probably couldn’t pull it off, but some people really work it.

[zaidenzimmer]

your mother

I love my mom. I think sometimes it’s hard for her to deal with how different we are, but she’s great. She didn’t exactly have a lot of people looking out for her, so she’s doing her best.

[squirmysmee]

Okay, so, what sounds more like a Tiktok channel you’d want to watch: one where a ventriloquist dummy judges people’s Matchmakr profiles or one where a ventriloquist dummy reads funny stories that people send in?

[zaidenzimmer]

I would watch the hell out of both those channels? Man, this is tough. I think the Matchmakr profiles. Because you can go out and screencap messed up profiles to critique on camera ahead of time for that, what if people only send in shitty stories? That’s totally less controllable. And I don’t have the app, but I’ve seen some fucked up profiles. And some hilarious ones, like my friend sent me a whole profile that was just Patrick Star from Spongebob. 10/10 would go on a date with that person.

[zaidenzimmer]

text 😕 spaiden

Spencer: It's not weird at all. This crew is all I had before and why should we let it go just because we're here.

Spencer: You know if Cap heard you talking like this she'd have you hanging off the side of the ship.

Zaiden: I'm not saying the crew itself is weird, Spence, but shouldn't we be doing something else besides pirating?

Zaiden: Yeah, well, Cap blocked my number so I'm not all too worried about her ripping me head to toe for being a traitor rn. Also wouldn't call her "Cap" her face. She did not like the term of affection.

[sleepyjr-schlafrig]

If you weren't a fan of the Matchmaker's Valentine's suggestion for you, then who would you choose for yourself instead?

I’d really like to take @mayariverax​ out again. @leilaniwaialiki​ could use a fun night out too; is there a word for friend Valentine if it’s not just girls?

[zaidenzimmer]

sleepyjr-schlafrig·:

Right, yes that word! Palentine, for buddies. Are the ones for guys? Like Brotines?

I don’t think we’ve got anything that’s like in the league of Galentine’s, no. Maybe we just have to make the day itself that much more epic to make up for it?

[zaidenzimmer]

Text 🍬 ziff

Lemon: I’m sorry, Z. I don’t remember any of those snacks lol. I tried looking them up and almost none of them rung a bell. I can see how the whistle pops stabbed someone in the throat though, even round suckers can get all sharp and jagged, so the straight ones probably get downright murderous! Also they made a return 6 years ago apparently and you can totally buy them now!

Zaiden: I'm torn because how could anyone forget 3D Doritos but they started making them again!!!! SO I GUESS I HAVE YOU TO THANK FOR REMINDING ME THEY EXIST. And as a thank you, I'll bring a couple bags over for you. Although, they changed one of the flavors and it's not as good as the original. Oh man, so many good things are on a comeback!!! Today is the best. I feel like you could pretty much stab yourself with any lollipop. Although maybe not tootsie pops since they have a soft center. Have you ever tried to count the licks to the center? Also do you have a favorite flavor? If I'm going to get penny candy then I'm going to go freaking crazy.

[zaidenzimmer]

text 💬 lemmer

Gaston: BRO THAT SHOULD NOT BE YOUR MENTAL TEST! At least pick like a book or something to toss into it instead and watch it make confetti. Cheated on Dizzy? Are people finally starting to forget? If they are, I'd be happy to remind them he still SUCKS.

Zaiden: It wasn't my ACTUAL test, I wouldn't do it in real life! But confetti sounds like a lot of fun, not going to lie. I wonder if that'd really happen. Uh, I didn't know to begin with? And like no offense, but half this school has like cheated or emotionally cheated? Is Dizzy still broken up about it? Because I feel like you can only be mad on someone's behalf for as long as they're upset.

[zaidenzimmer]

text 🍺 zadley

Hadley: Hmm, if you want to kiss everyone, propose playing a kissing game like spin the bottle, so that you know everyone in the circle with you is implying their consent by participating! I think some people just like their raisins to stay separate, but you could always order Karpet Eats and have a late night breakfast party! Or just get Karpet to take you to a diner; hopefully you wouldn't do anything too embarrassing while you waited for your food?

Zaiden: Do people still play spin the bottle? I don't know, if feels like it'd be lowkey kind of lame to do that. Maybe Seven Minutes in Heaven, that feels slightly less eighth grade. But I also WANT everyone to kiss me???? I don't want to be like forced on them. CONSENT IS IMPORTANT EVEN WHEN I'M DRUNK!!!

Zaiden: Dude was someone drunk when they named Karpet Eats because like...that sounds dirty af. They should have called it Sugar Rush Eats or something instead, that sounds way better. But food sounds good. I really want pancakes and also chinese! An eggroll sounds primo right now, you want me to order some for you too?

[zaidenzimmer]

text 💬 zaddison

Addison: LOL! Not who I was expecting you to list as the biggest Mess Maker; what about her is so messy? And booooo! Do you want to get a promotion? We can try to find a way to get you out of it so you don't have to be so tired; maybe along the way we can solve both our problems at once.

Zaiden: Why Addy? You know someone particularly messy? Do tell. And my mom doesn't MEAN to be messy, she's just like a terrible judge of character and super impulsive. It's probably why I go really far in the direction of too cautious, because I know what it's like when people are the other way. I don't even know if I WANT my job, I think that's kind of the problem?

Zaiden: But if you could please, please never tell CJ or Zevon I said that, it'd be greatly appreciated.

[zaidenzimmer]

text 💬 zarnie

Bernie: DO YOU HAVE TO BE IN LOVE WITH PEOPLE TO GO IN THEIR CARS? What about their bunkbeds? NEVER SAY NEVER. Have you searched the whole entire world and made sure the dinosaurs aren't hiding somewhere?

Bernie: The best thing about Rihanna is that thanks to her I never get caught in the rain anymore; I always remember to bring umbrellas.

Zaiden: Lmao, I think they mean riding the dick. Like "riding dirty" or "ride wit me" style. I don't understand what bunkbeds have to do with anything, Bern. They're giant, Bernie, it's not like they're a bird series that can just pop back up. Like they thought these kingfishers were endangered but they're not.

Zaiden: But bro, if you ever did forget yours you could stand under my umbrella. EH EH EH EH.