╰ °✧HOLD ME DOWN !

i sold my soul to a three-piece and he told me I was holy. he's got me down on both knees, but it's the devil that's tryna hold me down.

[zcrcdubois]

never in a million years did zara dubois think she’d see so many drugs. her large four poster bed, was casually decorated in an array of different substances. there was cocaine dancing in the right, heroine to her left, and in the center was the worst drug of them all. nathaniel rosier. she had no idea how they’d even got in the situation. FUCK, she didn’t even know that there were so many muggle drug dealers in the castle. she had a feeling that they could probably snag some coke-- but never did she think that they’d actually be able to find acid tabs.  it was initially her idea. it sparked after reading a book she had. where the writer had explained the effects of ecstasy and acid when mixed. and then what was once just a curious endeavor became an actual plan whenever she’d asked nathaniel if he’d ever taken those drugs. she figured he had-- but he hadn’t. and then everything just started happening. they started looking for these little highs everywhere, casually mentioning them to friends that looked like they knew. so eventually they got here. with a total of four tabs, three ecstasy pills, two grams of cocaine, a gram of heroin, and what seemed like a mountain of marijuana. 

she stood frozen for a moment, just gazing over the bed-- eyes carefully tracing over her boyfriend in the middle. she bit her lip for a moment before she decided that she wanted to join him. so carefully she climbed on top of him, knees hitting on either side of his thighs. her voice was soft, words practically drifting melodically from her mouth to his ears. “ what do you want to start with ? ”

@rosierism

[zcrcdubois]

NATHANIEL ROSIER.

         whenever  they  were  alone  it  was  different  for  him  &  he  couldn’t  understand  why.  in  public  he  was  terrified  of  her,  of  being  near  her.  in  classes  they  shared  he  wanted  to  be  as  far  from  her  as  possible.  but  as  soon  as  the  door  was  locked  all  he  could  think  about  was  being  close  to  her.  lips  pressed  down  against  hers  contently,  eyes  closing.  he  could  lose  himself  in  the  bliss  she  offered  to  him  so  easily.  he  wished  he  couldn’t.  then  he  pulled  back,  gazing  at  her  before  smiling  softly.  

          ❛  i’m  sorry  for  shutting  you  out,  zara,  i  really  am.  but  i  didn’t  know  what  to  do.  not  that  that’s  an  excuse,  it’s  an  explanation.  i’ll  be  better  from  now  on.  ❜  hands  reached  down  to  grasp  at  hers.  gaze  flickering  over  hers  to  make  sure  she  UNDERSTOOD  that  he  got  what  he  did  was  wrong.  he  never  claimed  to  be  a  good  man,  though.

“ i would have shut you out too, ” she said softly, her hands falling from their place in his hands to cup his face. she took a moment to kiss him again, locking their lips as she pulled him so deliciously close. whenever she was satisfied, she pulled away, her lips spreading into a grin almost instantaneously after she pulled away. “ you know, i’ve been pretty reckless lately. i risked exposing us today and i’m sorry for that. love is no excuse for either of our deaths, even if i would gladly hang for you. ” she took a soft breath, pausing her spill just to drop her hands back to his, her eyes gazing deep into his eyes.  “ i think you deserve the entire world, nathaniel. i think you deserve so much more than what you get. and i just wanted you to know that i understand why you’re so scared. i’m fucking terrified. i don’t want to feel ashamed for loving you. you’re the most important person in my life and i’m not sure if that’s a blessing or a curse. ”

“ you know, i don’t even know if i do love you. i don’t know what love feels like. i’ve never wanted to love anyone before you. perhaps that’s why i’m so open about it. i don’t expect you to love me like i love you. i don’t think that anyone could ever love anyone quite like i love you. you’re always in my head. the fucking thought of you is enough to drive me crazy. perhaps that’s why i’m here. i can’t help but fuckign care about you. ”

[zcrcdubois]

NATHANIEL ROSIER.

       knew  what  she  wanted  ?  partially,  BARELY.  part  of  him  saw  malicious  intent  in  their  relationship  because  of  what  he’d  been  taught.  he  thought  perhaps  she  was  just  another  muggleborn  attempting  to  tear  down  the  purist  society  &  that  she  was  doing  a  hell  of  a  good  job  by  making  him  fall  in  love  with  her.  but  he  knew  this  wasn’t  true  since  he  could  see  into  her  mind.  his  hand  reached  for  hers,  thumb  ran  over  her  knuckles  gently.  ❛  i’ll  be  there  in  an  hour,  come  whenever  you  have  time. ❜  then  he  pulled  away  from  her.  he  understood  if  she  had  more  to  say.  but  he  didn’t  have  time  for  it.

         it  was  later  on  that  he  went  to  his  room  to  grab  the  stack  of  envelopes  he’d  received.  he’d  become  terrified  of  receiving  more  of  them.  they  were  taunting,  telling  him  to  seep  into  a  darkness  he  didn’t  yet  understand.  &  this  darkness  wasn’t  just  one  that  lived  inside  of  him  but  lurked  on  the  edge  of  this  societal  bubble  he  &  others  had  become  used  to.  he  headed  to  the  abandoned  classroom,  only  a  few  other  slytherin  students  knew  about  it,  however  the  word  had  apparently  gotten  out  to  a  few  younger  students  because  he  walked  in  on  a  couple  getting  their  jollies  off.  he  got  rid  of  them  quickly,  saying  he’d  tell  on  them  for  being  here  if  they  didn’t  get  the  FUCK  out.  then  he  waited,  like  he  often  did.

           he  found  his  way  toward  the  desk  that  set  at  the  front  of  the  room,  sitting  on  top  of  it,  letters  in  his  lap.  fingers  tapped  impatiently  on  them  as  he  stared  at  the  door  with  every  creak  or  movement  he  heard.

 it was an hour and ten minutes whenever zara finally arrived in the empty classroom. she took her time getting through the dungeons, because she knew that she was a beacon for curiosity. why WOULD a muggleborn witch be wandering the dungeons this close to nighttime ? what was she up to ? there were so many terrible things would happen if they found the answer of either of those. the fact that one wrong move could result in her death was EXHILARATING as well as TERRIFYING.  though she was careful to make sure no one was following her and she was careful to make sure that if anyone WAS following her, they didn’t know where she’d went when she dipped passed the door. she was content once she finally let herself into the classroom, because as soon as her eyes landed on nathaniel-- she smiled, because a part of her was scared that he wasn’t going to be there. before she ever even attempted to take any steps towards him, she was quick to lock the door behind her. and whenever she heard the lock click behind her she took approximately 5 long strides before her lips were on his. she couldn’t help herself, because she needed to PROPERLY feel his lips against her’s. it had been what felt like ages and now that they were alone she could finally kiss her boyfriend like boyfriends were meant to be kissed like.

[zcrcdubois]

NATHANIEL ROSIER.

      they  were  young  &  so  unsure.  there  was  so  much  more  to  be  found,  to  see,  but  for  some  reason  they  felt  a  pull  to  each  other  &  nathaniel  had  to  accept  that  giving  her  up  might  not  be  an  option  because  his  hormones  wouldn’t  allow  it  to  be.  he  gazed  at  her  as  she  spoke,  she  looked  upset,  but  he  assumed  she  wasn’t  going  to  let  him  off  the  hook  easily.  fingers  reached  to  trace  over  her  cheek  softly  before  he  dropped  his  hand  &  nodded.

        ❛  i’d  like  it  if  i  could  show  you  the  letters  as  well.  maybe  you  could  help  me  get  an  idea  of  who  might  be  sending  them, ❜  he  murmured  to  her.  she  was  the  ONLY  person  he  trusted  other  than  himself.  ❛  there’s  a  classroom  that  isn’t  being  used  in  the  dungeons  we  could  go  there  &  seal  the  door.  then  i  could  get  the  letters  alone.  but  it’s  whatever  you  want,  within  reason. ❜

she cared enough about him not to be too reckless about the situation. yes, she did approach him in a very public area, but the anxiety got the best of her. the thought of losing him was more frightening to her than death. love was such a rare word in her vocabulary. she never thought that in a million years that she’d fall in it’s name. LOVE. wasn’t just a word-- not now. not after nathaniel. 

so she let her eyes flutter shut when his hand left her cheek, and only opened when he spoke. when he proposed the meeting location, the edges of zara’s lips twitched into a small small. she wanted to do nothing but help him out of this situation and here he was inviting her in. she then mimicked his hand with her lips, pressing a soft, fleeting kiss to his cheek. “ you know what i want. you know i want to help, ” she said, “ just let me know when and i’ll be there. ”

[zcrcdubois]

JAMES POTTER.

“Dramatic is my middle name,” James retorted. Which he thought was funny because his middle name was the literal OPPOSITE of that. His parents mustn’t have known what he was going to be like when they named him. He hadn’t even realised that his thoughts had digressed until Zara was talking again, making him realise he’d lost complete focus on her. “If I hide in my dorm then people are even more likely to come and bug me considering every chatty person I bloody know is a Gryffindor.”

“ well then come hide with ME, ” she offered, sort of throwing that idea up in the air for him to question. she knew that she wasn’t james potter’s biggest fan-- and he certainly wasn’t hers, but she felt like she needed to lend a helping hand. “ i mean, i’m a ravenclaw and the common room is usually empty during classes, so there wouldn’t be that big of a chance people would bug you. ” she took a slight pause before adding, “ i know we’re not really friends, but i would much rather you come and keep me company than sit out here and get harassed by a suit of armor. ”

[zcrcdubois]

NATHANIEL ROSIER.

         though  he  felt  challenged,  &  he’d  acted  on  impulse  there  was  still  the  part  of  him  that  knew  better.  he  was  seventeen,  he  was  easily  turned  on,  but  he  was  logical.  more  logical  than  he  cared  to  admit.  zara  could  change  him  from  being  logical  to  being  something  he  didn’t  want  to  be  so  easily  that  he  didn’t  know  what  to  do.  his  finger  idly  traced  the  small  ‘N’  that  now  settled  on  her  hip.  maybe  he’d  return  the  favour  &  let  her  do  something  permanent  to  his  skin.  but  that  would  give  it  away,  that  they  were  together.  

            he  kissed  at  her  skin  but  the  fear  of  being  caught  was  rooted  in  his  mind  now  so  he  had  to  stand.  even  though  he  loved  her  fingers  in  his  hair,  even  if  he  knew  she  was  ASKING  for  him  to  fuck  her  the  way  she  liked.  he  moved  to  press  his  lips  to  her  ear  instead.   ❛  i  can’t  .  .  .  i  want  to,  but  i  can’t, ❜  he  whispered  this  to  her,  pulling  back  to  connect  eyes  with  her.

            nathaniel  was  afraid.  surely  she  could  see  that.  someone  was  trying  to  frame  him,  someone  knew  things  about  him  that  no  one  else  did.  &  zara  might  be  the  next  thing  they  knew.  at  this  point  he  may  have  already  given  them  the  ammunition.   ❛  i’m  being  targeted.  you  might  be  next.  whoever  it  is,  they’re  here  in  this  school  &  i’m  going  to  find  out  who  it  is  &  clear  my  name.  so  you  won’t  be  disappointed  in  me.  i  can’t  be  carrying  around  a  muggle  device  though.  if  we  want  to  do  anything  we  need  to  go  somewhere  else,  somewhere  with  no  chance  of  people  finding  us,  okay  ?  please  don’t  be  upset,  babe. ❜

the idle wish of just being able to be teenagers flashed through her mind as he rose from under her skirt. they couldn’t ever be what she truly wished them to be. they couldn’t just be seventeen. that fact echoed through her head as he whispered in her ear. she was reckless whenever it came to her feelings. she always did everything by impulse. she loved with no boundaries, but she’d never been in love quite like this. she had to keep quiet about him. she had to pretend like she had no idea who he was. that all sounded so simple in theory-- it sounded plausible and it was something that she accepted the first day he dipped his curly head under her skirt and into her life.  so as much as she wanted to get upset and argue with him-- she didn’t,  because she GOT it. she understood why they couldn’t. she understood why he stayed away from her. but she didn’t have to like it. it had been weeks since she’d seen him and it had become physically impossible for her to keep away from him. “ you can’t ask me that. i can’t lie to you. i can’t tell you that i’m not upset, ” she whispered, her face now relaxed into something that could effortlessly be read as a pout. 

“ where do you suggest we go then ? ” if they were going to do this, she wanted to know the details. she wanted to know when and where. she wasn’t going another week without him, that was for damn sure. she couldn’t be MADE to go another week without feeling his lips against hers. they didn’t even have to do anything. she just wanted to be with him. she wanted to touch him without any fear of people seeing. “ i’m not going another day like this-- you won’t make me. you can’t. i won’t let it. ”

[zcrcdubois]

NATHANIEL ROSIER.

      distilling  their  fights  had  become  second  nature  to  him.  he  could  just  as  quickly  start  it  again  as  finish  it  if  he  wanted  to.  being  in  public  wasn’t  easy  with  her  though,  he  couldn’t  crush  his  lips  to  hers  to  make  her  shut  up.  his  eyes  still  travelled  around  them  to  make  sure  they  weren’t  being  watched,  at  this  point  he  didn’t  understand  why  she  thought  love  was  above  life  but  they  could  never  see  eye  to  eye  on  that.   however,  he  felt  CHALLENGED  now,  challenged  to  prove  that  he  could  be  with  her  right  here  in  this  hallway.  FUCK  their  rules,  fuck  the  rules  he’d  come  up  with.

          his  hand  reached  out,  so  he  could  help  wipe  away  her  tears.  she  knew  he  hated  seeing  her  cry  even  when  he  thought  the  tears  weren’t  warranted.  ❛  i  don’t  know  if  i  want  to  risk  charging  it  &  getting  mad  at  whatever  message  you  sent  me. ❜  even  though  he  wasn’t  smiling  he  couldn’t  help  but  give  her  the  hint  of  one  at  the  corner  of  his  lips.  he  wasn’t  sure  where  her  tattoo  was  but  he  could  at  least  search  for  it.  

           they  were  too  close  to  the  middle  of  the  hallway,  so  he  pulled  her  toward  the  wall,  where  he  proceeded  to  get  on  the  ground  in  front  of  her.  ❛  fuck  you. ❜  he  muttered  at  her  before  lifting  her  skirt  to  reveal  the  tattoo  that  now  sat  on  her  hip.  then  his  lips  moved  to  close  around  it  gently  before  his  gaze  turned  upward  toward  her.  ❛  i’m  not  good  at  waiting. ❜  

zara knew that THIS was the reason she didn’t fear death. she didn’t see the point in caring whenever she could have him.  what would be the point in living if she didn’t have the one person that made her feel whole. though, she knew nathaniel didn’t think this way. she knew that he valued his life more than he did this love-- which was probably the normal way of thinking. perhaps it wasn’t healthy to love and care about someone this much. maybe she should’ve just dealt with his absence and just waited on him to come and tell her what was up. but she knew that she could never be that person. she had to take control of the situation. she had to KNOW, because him avoiding her set a sort of fear in her heart. she didn’t know what it felt like to lose him, but she got an idea.  but when her back hit the rough brick wall, all of her thoughts left her brain and the only thing that she wanted him to do was to find that fucking tattoo. she wanted him to take his time to let her soak up the fucking bliss that was seeing nathaniel rosier kneeling down between her legs. she could feel her breath catch in her throat when she felt his curls brush against her bare thigh and she could have SWORN that when his lips met her hip-- her knees almost gave out. the encounter was like a blissful dejavu, because in an instant her hands stretched down to grab a fist full of his hair. “ fuck me ? why don’t you ? ” she mocked, her voice catching in her throat-- knowing now that there was no going back from this. she knew that she was stupid for challenging him, but for fucksake-- could she really complain with what he was doing to her right now. the two of them had JUST gotten out of an argument about the fear of being caught and here they were proving to the world that they just couldn’t stay angry at each other. 

[zcrcdubois]

JAMES POTTER.

There weren’t many people James was in the mood to talk to today and Zara Dubois was not one of them if he was being brutally honest. It took up all of his energy to engage in conversations which is why he had been wandering around where he’d hoped nobody would be. It was extremely out of character for him to not want anyone to be around but fucked up shit did this to a person. “Everything in this bloody castle comes alive, so I don’t think it would have mattered. Even the fucking TREES have a personality.”

“ don’t be so DRAMATIC, ” she expressed, rolling her eyes playfully. she didn’t really know how to speak to james. especially after, she’d practically went off on him for attempting to tell her that nathaniel had something to do with dominiques attack. she’d concluded that she’d probably do best by toning down the protective girlfriend instincts, because james just didn’t know how amazing nathaniel could get. of course james wasn’t going to like him-- they got into a fight.

“ obviously not EVERYTHING comes alive, there are some muggle items around. i don’t know, go hide in your dorm. i honestly doubt any of the professors actually care if we’re in lessons right now. just pretend like you’re sick and ta-da, you’ve got them fooled. ”

[zcrcdubois]

CASSIUS WILKES.

       a  laugh,  she  actually  earned  a  proper  chuckle  from  him.  ❛  why  create  riddles  about  people  whenever  they’re  the  riddles  themselves  ?  i’ve  never  met  a  person  i  haven’t  had  to  pull  apart  like  people  have  to  pull  apart  riddles.  honestly  i  suppose  we’re  all  caught  inside  of  a  long  riddle  since  life  is  one.  strange  how  these  things  work,  isn’t  it  ?  ❜  he  thought  picking  at  her  brain  wouldn’t  be  the  worst  thing  he  could  do.  even  if  he  knew  her  blood  type,  knew  where  she  was  on  the  list  of  students  they  needed  to  get  rid  of.  

“ im not really sure how to explain it, but i create riddles about people to keep myself guessing. i make an assumption and a guess, turn it into a rhyme-- and i think about it for a good minute. it’s just a much more fun way to pick apart people. you break them up in sections and start to read them as if they were books. people are so diverse and deep, that you never know what a singular person is capable of, ” she said, pulling her books up to cradle against her chest. “ everything is a riddle if you really want it to be. reality is a game of sorts, you know ? you do as much as you think you can get away with. ”

[zcrcdubois]

PROF. CASSIUS WILKES.

       lips  flipped  into  a  grin,  she  was  one  of  the  few  he’d  asked  to  get  it  right  &  so  he  already  APPRECIATED  the  presence  of  zara  dubois.  he  knew  her  to  be  one  of  his  more  quiet  students  but  he  didn’t  mind  it  as  he  himself  was  never  one  for  talking.  ❛  i’m  actually  impressed  for  once,  good  on  you.  ❜ then  he  went  on  to  reply,  ❛  footsteps,  though  one  might  also  suggest  something  else  as  a   good  answer.  the  thing  with  riddles  is  there  can  never  be  one  complete  answer.  a  good  lesson  for  the  day.  i  find  that  many  people  don’t  realise  there’s  more  than  one  answer  to  almost  everything  in  life  which  is  why  i  hate  arithmancy  so  much  ❜

“ it’s like that old cliche saying ‘don’t judge a book by it’s cover,’ because you can never truly know everything about a topic. it’s like with a person, you can never know all of the different things they could be capable of. i like to make riddles about people sometimes, but most of the times they just turn into curious little questions that cannot be answered by anyone except the person in question, ” she rambled, speaking without really thinking about what she was saying. most of her words were projections off of her current situation with nathaniel, but also just with life. she didn't mean to turn sure a silly little conversation about riddles into a digression about the complexity of humanity.

[zcrcdubois]

ALBUS POTTER.

Breakfast on the first day back at classes was a little bittersweet, it didn’t really feel like any of them had really gotten a break, after all the crap that’d gone on. But still here they were, getting ready to start again for another round of classes. Albus had dragged himself from his bed to the great hall, where he was hunched over a coffee when someone sat down next to him. He turned and gave the intruder an incredulous look.

‘‘Please sit.. Not like I was enjoying quiet time or anything.’‘

zara didn’t intentionally mean to be a bother to the potter boy, but then again she didn’t necessarily mean to find herself at the slytherin dining table. the kids at the ravenclaw table were getting on her nerves, with all of their talk about different theories of who did what. she had just wandered herself to the farthest table, sitting down next to the most friendly face. of course she wanted to go and take her rightful spot next to nathaniel, across from abigail and corrine-- but she knew that was absurd and wasn’t really the best idea.

“ i’m sorry. i’ll move if you’d really like. the ravenclaws were just being pains in my ass. ”

[zcrcdubois]

JAMES POTTER.

It was only the first day back and all James had done was wander aimlessly around the corridors, not having any particular purpose. He was tired yet restless and didn’t know what to do with himself so he just circled the corridors. He wasn’t entirely sure where he was going, all he knew was that he probably SHOULD be in a lesson but didn’t know or care for which one he should have been in. He just wanted to be alone. As he heard footsteps, James jumped and hid behind the first thing he saw – some rusty silver armour – which turned out to be a TERRIBLE idea when it spoke and gave him away. “For fuck’s sake, you’re a terrible guard.” 

zara wandered down the halls, her feet absentmindedly taking her to the ravenclaw tower. she got out of class early by saying that we was feeling ill-- which wasn’t entirely a lie. all of the things going on in the world made her sick to her stomach and she didn’t want to be sat in a classroom waiting for the school to go up in flames.

 everything seemed relatively normal-- that was until a statue began to speak. after hearing the barreling voice of the inanimate object, she heard the voice of what sounded like JAMES POTTER.

 after their small bicker weeks before, the blonde had done her best to avoid james. she didn’t want to give away any more of her relationship than she already had. so instead of snapping at him, she merely laughed at his situation and said, “ well, you should know that most things in hogwarts like to come alive. maybe try hiding behind a tapestry or something ? ”

[zcrcdubois]

JAMES POTTER.

“The most logical conclusion is usually the easiest conclusion.” Honestly, James didn’t even know why the blonde was being so aggressive about this considering someone like Nathaniel probably hated her guts just for being born. “I’m NOT spending all this time pointing fingers. YOU fucking asked what the rumours were and I answered so don’t turn this all on me considering I’m not the one who fucking started these rumours – even if I happen to think they could be true. I’m a dick to him because HE’S a fucking dick to me. And honestly, I don’t even get why you fucking care so much.”

there was absolutely no way that zara could possibly tell james why she cared so much. she wasn’t going to tell him that she was completely and utterly in love with the man that he LOATHED. so she lied. she lied straight through her teeth, becuase there was no other way that she could dig her way out of the hole that she’d made if she didn’t. 

“ LOOK-- i’m sorry for getting pissy about it, but i just don’t see why people are making assumptions based off of if someone wasn’t at the ball. i feel as if that’s not stable evidence. im sure that a TON of death eater wannabes didn’t go to the ball last night. ”

[zcrcdubois]

NATHANIEL ROSIER.

      yes,  he’d  realised  that  he’d  done  wrong.  he  should  have  showed  up,  he  should  have  risked  everything.  but  at  the  same  time  she  was  more  reckless  than  him.  he  loved  her,  that  much  was  true,  but  he  wasn’t  willing  to  risk  his  life  to  tell  her  that.  he  didn’t  understand  why  she  was  this  upset  about  it,  if  she  knew  what  she  was  getting  into  she’d  have  to  know  that  they  weren’t  allowed  to  see  each  other  as  often  as  she’d  like.  she  couldn’t  get  everything  she  WANTED,  just  like  he  couldn’t.  but  he  still  understood,  because  it  wasn’t  close  to  her  yet.  whatever  ball  was  going  to  drop  might  never  fall  on  her  head.

       but  then  she  went  on  to  say  she  tattooed  his  initial  on  her  hip  &  how  could  he  be  mad  still  ?  he  knew  she  loved  him  more  than  he  loved  her.  or  at  least  showed  it  better.  ❛  you  worry  too  much  about  me  not  loving  you  anymore.  i  don’t  know  why  you  think  i’d  be  able  to  just  shut  it  off  or  why  you’d  think  i’d  want  to  in  the  first  place.  stop  drawing  it  all  out  like  that  &  just  admit  that  you’re  being  a  little  selfish  &  not  worrying  about  the  fact  that  i  don’t  want  to  get  caught  !  i  don’t  want  to  get  caught  by  anyone.  one  word  &  we  could  be  done  for.  it’s  either  i  have  to  sneak  around  like  this,  OR,  we  never  get  to  see  each  other  again  because  i  was  supposed  to  risk  everything  &  have  us  exposed. ❜  

        emotions.  he  understood  them,  felt  them  intensely.  whenever  he  could  identify  them  he  did.  but  right  now  he  didn’t  know  how  to  feel.  part  of  him  was  angry,  another  part  was  completely  in  love  with  her  for  sticking  up  for  their  relationship,  another  wanted  to  see  that  damn  tattoo.  he  settled  for  the  latter,  going  on  to  try  to  lighten  the  conversation  with,  ❛  babe,  you  tattooed  my  initial  into  your  hip  &  didn’t  even  send  me  a  snapchat  of  it,  i’m  appalled. ❜  

so what if she was being selfish, she thought that he was being selfish too. the things that she was asking for didn’t seem too far fetched. they were already risking everything just by making things official, but as soon as he got scared that meant that everything had to halt. what about her ? she’d been terrified from the very first day and yet she pushed her limits. she got him a fucking phone just so they could hide under the radar. all she wanted was for him to hold her in his arms. she wanted him to whisper sweet nothings against her hair. she wanted it all to be OKAY again. 

his words filled her brain, but she couldn’t gather enough strength to snap back. she was TIRED of fighting, because she’d said what she needed to say. she had no more words for him. she just wanted everything to go back to normal, but that seemed impossible now. he didn’t want to get caught so that meant that he wouldn’t kiss her here. they were already tip-toeing and now it seemed like they were paused in time and she didn’t like that at all. 

whenever he mentioned her tattoo, she just scoffed a little and laughed softly. only nathaniel rosier could change a conversation like that. she didn’t really have the right response, because she DID send him a photo-- but it was probably after he let his phone die. she decided not to be bitter about him not checking his phone, so she just sighed and let small grin rest on her lips. “ i did actually. i sent it a couple of days ago-- along with a really bitter message about me wanting to get it removed, ” she said, finally wiping away the rest of her tears, “ but i didn’t mean it. i mean obviously i didn’t mean it because it’s still there. though, you better go charge your phone because it’s not like you’re getting to see it in person anytime soon. can’t get caught, remember ? ”

[zcrcdubois]

NATHANIEL ROSIER.

      the  problem  was  he  hadn’t  been  pretending  she  didn’t  exist,  even  anything  he  was  consumed  by  the  fact  that  she  did.  as  she  hit  at  his  chest,  he  allowed  it.  after  all,  she  was  in  the  right.  he  should  have  at  least  given  her  some  warning,  but  he  hadn’t  had  the  chance.  lips  fixed  into  a  frown  as  she  began  to  cry,  because  fuck  she  knew  he  couldn’t  help  but  want  to  hold  her  whenever  she  cried.  fingers  stretched  out,  wrapping  around  her  wrists  tightly  as  he  pulled  her  up  against  him.

        she  was  not  being  fair,  she  knew  that  he’d  start  reading  her  as  soon  as  he  came  into  contact  with  her.   ❛  i  know  you’re  mad,  zara,  i  know  you’re  FURIOUS,  okay  ?  but  i  wasn’t  pretending  you  didn’t  exist. ❜  fingers  wrapped  tighter  around  her  wrists  as  he  connected  gazes  with  her.  ❛  you  fucking  know  i  can’t  even  do  that  if  i’d  like  to. ❜  then  he  let  go  of  her  wrists,  practically  tossing  them  to  the  side  as  he  took  a  step  away  from  her.

         ❛  don’t  you  understand  that  i’m  doing  all  of  this  so  i  DON’T  lose  you  ?  i  got  a  fucking  letter,  from  the  person  who  did  that  to  the  weasley  girl.  they  said  if  i  don’t  listen  to  what  they  tell  me  to  do,  they’re  going  to  make  sure  i  get  caught  for  it.  even  though  i  had  NOTHING  to  do  with  it.  &  if  they’re  watching  me,  if  they  know  that  people  are  talking,  they  might  know  about  US. ❜ he  pressed  both  of  his  palms  to  his  closed  eyelids  briefly  then  he  lifted  his  head  to  gaze  at  her  again.  ❛  i'm  sorry. ❜  

her eyebrows were furrowed together so tight that she made sure that her entire face was pouted in an angry gaze. she didn’t want this. she didn’t want to be so upset, because the only person that could cure her pain only gave her a second in his arms. this wasn’t fucking FAIR on her part. nothing seemed to be FAIR with him. it hurt that he could just make this decision without even fucking giving her a heads up.

 she knew that all he wanted was to keep her safe, but she didn’t want him to make that decision. YES, he was allowed to care, but he shouldn’t have the right to avoid her like that. she had never felt so stupid and betrayed in her entire life.she loved him more than anything, but she hated that he didn’t keep her in the loop. she hated that he got to make the choice to leave her in the dark. they were supposed to be together, but here he was keeping secrets. “ nathaniel, i don’t NEED you to keep me safe. if i wanted to be safe i wouldn’t have even kissed you that night. i would have forgotten about it. i would have forgotten about you. i could have done that just as quickly as you could have. but i didn’t, because i’m so fucking in love with you that it HURTS me whenever i’m not around you. you should have told me-- you should have risked it all just to tell me that you were still there. but you didn’t. you left me alone and confused and it took me a while to convince myself that you would actually do something like that to me. you weren’t supposed to hurt me like that. ”

taking a moment to take a breath, zara rolled her eyes and wiped away the tears from her eyes. she gazed up at him and scoffed before saying, “ if you would have actually showed up that night, you would have found out that i’ve permanently branded myself. picture yourself in my shoes after getting a boy’s fucking initial tattooed your hip, only to find out that he’s trying his best to avoid you. ”

[jbaggles]

[zcrcdubois]

PROF. CASSIUS WILKES.

         things  had  settled  down  far  too  much  for  cassius’  liking.  but  with  the  start  of  school  fast  approaching  he  had  to  get  back  into  the  swing  of  hiding  out.  classes  were  going  to  start  soon,  he  had  to  reestablish  himself  as  the  favourite  teacher  of  the  group.  so  he  thought  he  might  start  it  out  with  a  RIDDLE  that  he’d  seen  in  a  book.  ❛  what’s  green  &  red  &  goes  round   &  round  ?  ❜

because she was a ravenclaw, zara could not go a day without hearing a riddle of some kind. though it was a change to hear one come from a human being rather than a voice locked behind a door. or course, she had heard this one before because it was one of her favorites. so with a grin and a small laugh, zara shook her head and looked up to her professor, “ i believe that would be a frog in a blender ? ” 

“ since you like riddles so much, here’s one for you: the more you take, the more you leave behind. what am i?”