𝓼𝒆𝓵𝒇 - 𝓽𝓸𝓻𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰

[rosierism-blog]

╰ °✧  DUBOIS, Z.

 it was an hour and ten minutes whenever zara finally arrived in the empty classroom. she took her time getting through the dungeons, because she knew that she was a beacon for curiosity. why WOULD a muggleborn witch be wandering the dungeons this close to nighttime ? what was she up to ? there were so many terrible things would happen if they found the answer of either of those. the fact that one wrong move could result in her death was EXHILARATING as well as TERRIFYING.  though she was careful to make sure no one was following her and she was careful to make sure that if anyone WAS following her, they didn’t know where she’d went when she dipped passed the door. she was content once she finally let herself into the classroom, because as soon as her eyes landed on nathaniel– she smiled, because a part of her was scared that he wasn’t going to be there. before she ever even attempted to take any steps towards him, she was quick to lock the door behind her. and whenever she heard the lock click behind her she took approximately 5 long strides before her lips were on his. she couldn’t help herself, because she needed to PROPERLY feel his lips against her’s. it had been what felt like ages and now that they were alone she could finally kiss her boyfriend like boyfriends were meant to be kissed like.

         whenever  they  were  alone  it  was  different  for  him  &  he  couldn’t  understand  why.  in  public  he  was  terrified  of  her,  of  being  near  her.  in  classes  they  shared  he  wanted  to  be  as  far  from  her  as  possible.  but  as  soon  as  the  door  was  locked  all  he  could  think  about  was  being  close  to  her.  lips  pressed  down  against  hers  contently,  eyes  closing.  he  could  lose  himself  in  the  bliss  she  offered  to  him  so  easily.  he  wished  he  couldn’t.  then  he  pulled  back,  gazing  at  her  before  smiling  softly.  

          ❛  i’m  sorry  for  shutting  you  out,  zara,  i  really  am.  but  i  didn’t  know  what  to  do.  not  that  that’s  an  excuse,  it’s  an  explanation.  i’ll  be  better  from  now  on.  ❜  hands  reached  down  to  grasp  at  hers.  gaze  flickering  over  hers  to  make  sure  she  UNDERSTOOD  that  he  got  what  he  did  was  wrong.  he  never  claimed  to  be  a  good  man,  though.

[rosierism-blog]

╰ °✧  POTTER, J.

“Despite popular opinion, it’s not actually ME who started or spread them. I just figured I would interrogate you considering you took it upon yourself to irritate me again.” James sighed and turned away so he wouldn’t have to keep looking at Nathaniel as honestly, the sight of him made him feel sick. “I DON’T want another fucking fight. In fact, I don’t even want to be speaking to you right now.”

       ❛  well  after  how  our  last  fight  went,  i’d  say  you  probably  WANT  it  pretty  bad.  after  how  much  you  enjoyed  being  hurt. ❜  nathaniel  was  already  getting  off  on  being  SUPERIOR  to  james,  as  he  often  got  off  on  being  better  than  others.  then,  dramatically,  he  pressed  his  hand  to  his  own  chest  &  gasped.  ❛  took  it  upon  myself  to  IRRITATE  you  ?  i  would  never.  i  just  wanted  to  see  how  you  were  doing  in  the  aftermath  of  yet  another  awful  thing  happening  to  your  family.  &  knowing  the  same  thing  will  probably  happen  to  you  soon.  are  you  TERRIFIED  ?  as  terrified  as  you  are  of  me  ?  ❜  easily,  he  was  swerving  away  from  the  idea  that  he  had  committed  the  act  in  the  great  hall  during  the  christmas  festivities.

[rosierism-blog]

╰ °✧  DUBOIS, Z.

she cared enough about him not to be too reckless about the situation. yes, she did approach him in a very public area, but the anxiety got the best of her. the thought of losing him was more frightening to her than death. love was such a rare word in her vocabulary. she never thought that in a million years that she’d fall in it’s name. LOVE. wasn’t just a word-- not now. not after nathaniel. 

so she let her eyes flutter shut when his hand left her cheek, and only opened when he spoke. when he proposed the meeting location, the edges of zara’s lips twitched into a small small. she wanted to do nothing but help him out of this situation and here he was inviting her in. she then mimicked his hand with her lips, pressing a soft, fleeting kiss to his cheek. “ you know what i want. you know i want to help, ” she said, “ just let me know when and i’ll be there. ”

       knew  what  she  wanted  ?  partially,  BARELY.  part  of  him  saw  malicious  intent  in  their  relationship  because  of  what  he’d  been  taught.  he  thought  perhaps  she  was  just  another  muggleborn  attempting  to  tear  down  the  purist  society  &  that  she  was  doing  a  hell  of  a  good  job  by  making  him  fall  in  love  with  her.  but  he  knew  this  wasn’t  true  since  he  could  see  into  her  mind.  his  hand  reached  for  hers,  thumb  ran  over  her  knuckles  gently.  ❛  i’ll  be  there  in  an  hour,  come  whenever  you  have  time. ❜  then  he  pulled  away  from  her.  he  understood  if  she  had  more  to  say.  but  he  didn’t  have  time  for  it.

         it  was  later  on  that  he  went  to  his  room  to  grab  the  stack  of  envelopes  he’d  received.  he’d  become  terrified  of  receiving  more  of  them.  they  were  taunting,  telling  him  to  seep  into  a  darkness  he  didn’t  yet  understand.  &  this  darkness  wasn’t  just  one  that  lived  inside  of  him  but  lurked  on  the  edge  of  this  societal  bubble  he  &  others  had  become  used  to.  he  headed  to  the  abandoned  classroom,  only  a  few  other  slytherin  students  knew  about  it,  however  the  word  had  apparently  gotten  out  to  a  few  younger  students  because  he  walked  in  on  a  couple  getting  their  jollies  off.  he  got  rid  of  them  quickly,  saying  he’d  tell  on  them  for  being  here  if  they  didn’t  get  the  FUCK  out.  then  he  waited,  like  he  often  did.

           he  found  his  way  toward  the  desk  that  set  at  the  front  of  the  room,  sitting  on  top  of  it,  letters  in  his  lap.  fingers  tapped  impatiently  on  them  as  he  stared  at  the  door  with  every  creak  or  movement  he  heard.

[rosierism-blog]

╰ °✧  DUBOIS, Z.

the idle wish of just being able to be teenagers flashed through her mind as he rose from under her skirt. they couldn’t ever be what she truly wished them to be. they couldn’t just be seventeen. that fact echoed through her head as he whispered in her ear. she was reckless whenever it came to her feelings. she always did everything by impulse. she loved with no boundaries, but she’d never been in love quite like this. she had to keep quiet about him. she had to pretend like she had no idea who he was. that all sounded so simple in theory– it sounded plausible and it was something that she accepted the first day he dipped his curly head under her skirt and into her life.  so as much as she wanted to get upset and argue with him– she didn’t,  because she GOT it. she understood why they couldn’t. she understood why he stayed away from her. but she didn’t have to like it. it had been weeks since she’d seen him and it had become physically impossible for her to keep away from him. “ you can’t ask me that. i can’t lie to you. i can’t tell you that i’m not upset, ” she whispered, her face now relaxed into something that could effortlessly be read as a pout. 

“ where do you suggest we go then ? ” if they were going to do this, she wanted to know the details. she wanted to know when and where. she wasn’t going another week without him, that was for damn sure. she couldn’t be MADE to go another week without feeling his lips against hers. they didn’t even have to do anything. she just wanted to be with him. she wanted to touch him without any fear of people seeing. “ i’m not going another day like this– you won’t make me. you can’t. i won’t let it. ”

      they  were  young  &  so  unsure.  there  was  so  much  more  to  be  found,  to  see,  but  for  some  reason  they  felt  a  pull  to  each  other  &  nathaniel  had  to  accept  that  giving  her  up  might  not  be  an  option  because  his  hormones  wouldn’t  allow  it  to  be.  he  gazed  at  her  as  she  spoke,  she  looked  upset,  but  he  assumed  she  wasn’t  going  to  let  him  off  the  hook  easily.  fingers  reached  to  trace  over  her  cheek  softly  before  he  dropped  his  hand  &  nodded.

        ❛  i’d  like  it  if  i  could  show  you  the  letters  as  well.  maybe  you  could  help  me  get  an  idea  of  who  might  be  sending  them, ❜  he  murmured  to  her.  she  was  the  ONLY  person  he  trusted  other  than  himself.  ❛  there’s  a  classroom  that  isn’t  being  used  in  the  dungeons  we  could  go  there  &  seal  the  door.  then  i  could  get  the  letters  alone.  but  it’s  whatever  you  want,  within  reason. ❜

[rosierism-blog]

╰ °✧  DUBOIS, Z.

zara knew that THIS was the reason she didn’t fear death. she didn’t see the point in caring whenever she could have him.  what would be the point in living if she didn’t have the one person that made her feel whole. though, she knew nathaniel didn’t think this way. she knew that he valued his life more than he did this love– which was probably the normal way of thinking. perhaps it wasn’t healthy to love and care about someone this much. maybe she should’ve just dealt with his absence and just waited on him to come and tell her what was up. but she knew that she could never be that person. she had to take control of the situation. she had to KNOW, because him avoiding her set a sort of fear in her heart. she didn’t know what it felt like to lose him, but she got an idea.  but when her back hit the rough brick wall, all of her thoughts left her brain and the only thing that she wanted him to do was to find that fucking tattoo. she wanted him to take his time to let her soak up the fucking bliss that was seeing nathaniel rosier kneeling down between her legs. she could feel her breath catch in her throat when she felt his curls brush against her bare thigh and she could have SWORN that when his lips met her hip– her knees almost gave out. the encounter was like a blissful dejavu, because in an instant her hands stretched down to grab a fist full of his hair. “ fuck me ? why don’t you ? ” she mocked, her voice catching in her throat– knowing now that there was no going back from this. she knew that she was stupid for challenging him, but for fucksake– could she really complain with what he was doing to her right now. the two of them had JUST gotten out of an argument about the fear of being caught and here they were proving to the world that they just couldn’t stay angry at each other. 

         though  he  felt  challenged,  &  he’d  acted  on  impulse  there  was  still  the  part  of  him  that  knew  better.  he  was  seventeen,  he  was  easily  turned  on,  but  he  was  logical.  more  logical  than  he  cared  to  admit.  zara  could  change  him  from  being  logical  to  being  something  he  didn’t  want  to  be  so  easily  that  he  didn’t  know  what  to  do.  his  finger  idly  traced  the  small  ‘N’  that  now  settled  on  her  hip.  maybe  he’d  return  the  favour  &  let  her  do  something  permanent  to  his  skin.  but  that  would  give  it  away,  that  they  were  together.  

            he  kissed  at  her  skin  but  the  fear  of  being  caught  was  rooted  in  his  mind  now  so  he  had  to  stand.  even  though  he  loved  her  fingers  in  his  hair,  even  if  he  knew  she  was  ASKING  for  him  to  fuck  her  the  way  she  liked.  he  moved  to  press  his  lips  to  her  ear  instead.   ❛  i  can’t  .  .  .  i  want  to,  but  i  can’t, ❜  he  whispered  this  to  her,  pulling  back  to  connect  eyes  with  her.

            nathaniel  was  afraid.  surely  she  could  see  that.  someone  was  trying  to  frame  him,  someone  knew  things  about  him  that  no  one  else  did.  &  zara  might  be  the  next  thing  they  knew.  at  this  point  he  may  have  already  given  them  the  ammunition.   ❛  i’m  being  targeted.  you  might  be  next.  whoever  it  is,  they’re  here  in  this  school  &  i’m  going  to  find  out  who  it  is  &  clear  my  name.  so  you  won’t  be  disappointed  in  me.  i  can’t  be  carrying  around  a  muggle  device  though.  if  we  want  to  do  anything  we  need  to  go  somewhere  else,  somewhere  with  no  chance  of  people  finding  us,  okay  ?  please  don’t  be  upset,  babe. ❜

[rosierism-blog]

╰ °✧  DUBOIS, Z.

so what if she was being selfish, she thought that he was being selfish too. the things that she was asking for didn’t seem too far fetched. they were already risking everything just by making things official, but as soon as he got scared that meant that everything had to halt. what about her ? she’d been terrified from the very first day and yet she pushed her limits. she got him a fucking phone just so they could hide under the radar. all she wanted was for him to hold her in his arms. she wanted him to whisper sweet nothings against her hair. she wanted it all to be OKAY again. 

his words filled her brain, but she couldn’t gather enough strength to snap back. she was TIRED of fighting, because she’d said what she needed to say. she had no more words for him. she just wanted everything to go back to normal, but that seemed impossible now. he didn’t want to get caught so that meant that he wouldn’t kiss her here. they were already tip-toeing and now it seemed like they were paused in time and she didn’t like that at all. 

whenever he mentioned her tattoo, she just scoffed a little and laughed softly. only nathaniel rosier could change a conversation like that. she didn’t really have the right response, because she DID send him a photo– but it was probably after he let his phone die. she decided not to be bitter about him not checking his phone, so she just sighed and let small grin rest on her lips. “ i did actually. i sent it a couple of days ago– along with a really bitter message about me wanting to get it removed, ” she said, finally wiping away the rest of her tears, “ but i didn’t mean it. i mean obviously i didn’t mean it because it’s still there. though, you better go charge your phone because it’s not like you’re getting to see it in person anytime soon. can’t get caught, remember ? ”

      distilling  their  fights  had  become  second  nature  to  him.  he  could  just  as  quickly  start  it  again  as  finish  it  if  he  wanted  to.  being  in  public  wasn’t  easy  with  her  though,  he  couldn’t  crush  his  lips  to  hers  to  make  her  shut  up.  his  eyes  still  travelled  around  them  to  make  sure  they  weren’t  being  watched,  at  this  point  he  didn’t  understand  why  she  thought  love  was  above  life  but  they  could  never  see  eye  to  eye  on  that.   however,  he  felt  CHALLENGED  now,  challenged  to  prove  that  he  could  be  with  her  right  here  in  this  hallway.  FUCK  their  rules,  fuck  the  rules  he’d  come  up  with.

          his  hand  reached  out,  so  he  could  help  wipe  away  her  tears.  she  knew  he  hated  seeing  her  cry  even  when  he  thought  the  tears  weren’t  warranted.  ❛  i  don’t  know  if  i  want  to  risk  charging  it  &  getting  mad  at  whatever  message  you  sent  me. ❜  even  though  he  wasn’t  smiling  he  couldn’t  help  but  give  her  the  hint  of  one  at  the  corner  of  his  lips.  he  wasn’t  sure  where  her  tattoo  was  but  he  could  at  least  search  for  it.  

           they  were  too  close  to  the  middle  of  the  hallway,  so  he  pulled  her  toward  the  wall,  where  he  proceeded  to  get  on  the  ground  in  front  of  her.  ❛  fuck  you. ❜  he  muttered  at  her  before  lifting  her  skirt  to  reveal  the  tattoo  that  now  sat  on  her  hip.  then  his  lips  moved  to  close  around  it  gently  before  his  gaze  turned  upward  toward  her.  ❛  i’m  not  good  at  waiting. ❜  

[rosierism-blog]

╰ °✧  DUBOIS, Z.

her eyebrows were furrowed together so tight that she made sure that her entire face was pouted in an angry gaze. she didn’t want this. she didn’t want to be so upset, because the only person that could cure her pain only gave her a second in his arms. this wasn’t fucking FAIR on her part. nothing seemed to be FAIR with him. it hurt that he could just make this decision without even fucking giving her a heads up.

 she knew that all he wanted was to keep her safe, but she didn’t want him to make that decision. YES, he was allowed to care, but he shouldn’t have the right to avoid her like that. she had never felt so stupid and betrayed in her entire life.she loved him more than anything, but she hated that he didn’t keep her in the loop. she hated that he got to make the choice to leave her in the dark. they were supposed to be together, but here he was keeping secrets. “ nathaniel, i don’t NEED you to keep me safe. if i wanted to be safe i wouldn’t have even kissed you that night. i would have forgotten about it. i would have forgotten about you. i could have done that just as quickly as you could have. but i didn’t, because i’m so fucking in love with you that it HURTS me whenever i’m not around you. you should have told me– you should have risked it all just to tell me that you were still there. but you didn’t. you left me alone and confused and it took me a while to convince myself that you would actually do something like that to me. you weren’t supposed to hurt me like that. ”

taking a moment to take a breath, zara rolled her eyes and wiped away the tears from her eyes. she gazed up at him and scoffed before saying, “ if you would have actually showed up that night, you would have found out that i’ve permanently branded myself. picture yourself in my shoes after getting a boy’s fucking initial tattooed your hip, only to find out that he’s trying his best to avoid you. ”

      yes,  he’d  realised  that  he’d  done  wrong.  he  should  have  showed  up,  he  should  have  risked  everything.  but  at  the  same  time  she  was  more  reckless  than  him.  he  loved  her,  that  much  was  true,  but  he  wasn’t  willing  to  risk  his  life  to  tell  her  that.  he  didn’t  understand  why  she  was  this  upset  about  it,  if  she  knew  what  she  was  getting  into  she’d  have  to  know  that  they  weren’t  allowed  to  see  each  other  as  often  as  she’d  like.  she  couldn’t  get  everything  she  WANTED,  just  like  he  couldn’t.  but  he  still  understood,  because  it  wasn’t  close  to  her  yet.  whatever  ball  was  going  to  drop  might  never  fall  on  her  head.

       but  then  she  went  on  to  say  she  tattooed  his  initial  on  her  hip  &  how  could  he  be  mad  still  ?  he  knew  she  loved  him  more  than  he  loved  her.  or  at  least  showed  it  better.  ❛  you  worry  too  much  about  me  not  loving  you  anymore.  i  don’t  know  why  you  think  i’d  be  able  to  just  shut  it  off  or  why  you’d  think  i’d  want  to  in  the  first  place.  stop  drawing  it  all  out  like  that  &  just  admit  that  you’re  being  a  little  selfish  &  not  worrying  about  the  fact  that  i  don’t  want  to  get  caught  !  i  don’t  want  to  get  caught  by  anyone.  one  word  &  we  could  be  done  for.  it’s  either  i  have  to  sneak  around  like  this,  OR,  we  never  get  to  see  each  other  again  because  i  was  supposed  to  risk  everything  &  have  us  exposed. ❜  

        emotions.  he  understood  them,  felt  them  intensely.  whenever  he  could  identify  them  he  did.  but  right  now  he  didn’t  know  how  to  feel.  part  of  him  was  angry,  another  part  was  completely  in  love  with  her  for  sticking  up  for  their  relationship,  another  wanted  to  see  that  damn  tattoo.  he  settled  for  the  latter,  going  on  to  try  to  lighten  the  conversation  with,  ❛  babe,  you  tattooed  my  initial  into  your  hip  &  didn’t  even  send  me  a  snapchat  of  it,  i’m  appalled. ❜  

[rosierism-blog]

╰ °✧  DUBOIS, Z.

after all of these days without hearing his voice, she couldn’t help but get pissed as soon as he spoke. because how fucking dare he speak to her like everything was alright. he didn’t have the RIGHT to call her anything but ZARA right now. he couldn’t tempt her with that fucking pet name. she was so unbelievably pissed at him that all she wanted to do was make him hurt. she wanted him to fucking know how it felt to be ignored and avoided. she wanted him to know how fuckign close her heart came to being broken. she made her thoughts so fucking loud that she hoped that it was too fucking impossible for him to ignore them.

“ i don’t FUCKING care about anyone seeing. i don’t FUCKING care about anything right now. in fact i HOPE people see us, because i want them to see how fucking shitty you are for pretending like i didn’t exist. how the fuck do you think you can do that to someone ? ” her words spat like fire before she finally mimicked one of their first fights by landing her fist hard against his chest. she knew that it didn’t hurt him at all, but she kept hitting and banging and HOPING that she left bruises in her wake. 

before she knew it she was crying– she always cried, and she hated that part of her. she hated that she was that sensitive. she hated that the whole fucking world could get to her so quickly. nathaniel had the power to break her if he really could and here he was DISMISSING her like he could just pick back up with her whenever he wanted.  “ you’re not going to break my heart, i’m not going to give you that fucking pleasure. so get your fucking SHIT together, or you’re gonna end up losing me ”

      the  problem  was  he  hadn’t  been  pretending  she  didn’t  exist,  even  anything  he  was  consumed  by  the  fact  that  she  did.  as  she  hit  at  his  chest,  he  allowed  it.  after  all,  she  was  in  the  right.  he  should  have  at  least  given  her  some  warning,  but  he  hadn’t  had  the  chance.  lips  fixed  into  a  frown  as  she  began  to  cry,  because  fuck  she  knew  he  couldn’t  help  but  want  to  hold  her  whenever  she  cried.  fingers  stretched  out,  wrapping  around  her  wrists  tightly  as  he  pulled  her  up  against  him.

        she  was  not  being  fair,  she  knew  that  he’d  start  reading  her  as  soon  as  he  came  into  contact  with  her.   ❛  i  know  you’re  mad,  zara,  i  know  you’re  FURIOUS,  okay  ?  but  i  wasn’t  pretending  you  didn’t  exist. ❜  fingers  wrapped  tighter  around  her  wrists  as  he  connected  gazes  with  her.  ❛  you  fucking  know  i  can’t  even  do  that  if  i’d  like  to. ❜  then  he  let  go  of  her  wrists,  practically  tossing  them  to  the  side  as  he  took  a  step  away  from  her.

         ❛  don’t  you  understand  that  i’m  doing  all  of  this  so  i  DON’T  lose  you  ?  i  got  a  fucking  letter,  from  the  person  who  did  that  to  the  weasley  girl.  they  said  if  i  don’t  listen  to  what  they  tell  me  to  do,  they’re  going  to  make  sure  i  get  caught  for  it.  even  though  i  had  NOTHING  to  do  with  it.  &  if  they’re  watching  me,  if  they  know  that  people  are  talking,  they  might  know  about  US. ❜ he  pressed  both  of  his  palms  to  his  closed  eyelids  briefly  then  he  lifted  his  head  to  gaze  at  her  again.  ❛  i'm  sorry. ❜  

[rosierism-blog]

╰ °✧  DUBOIS, Z.

it had been a full week and a half since zara had seen nathaniel. it was evident after the third text that she’d sent that one of three options had happened. he was ignoring her, he was mad at her, or his phone was dead. she’d like to think that the last one was the truth, but in the past few days– even his face had faded away from her. she didn’t see him in the hallways anymore and she didn’t even see him at the feasts. it hurt her to think that he would just up and avoid her after saying such wonderful things to her. how dare he make her feel like the luckiest girl in the world, only to dip out as soon as things got a little too hard. it had gotten to a point where zara didn’t even want to find him, because she knew that if she did she wouldn’t be able to hold back her anger. she just hoped that he had just fallen off the face of the earth and she could deal with her breaking heart in peace. of course, life didn’t happen quite like that. she couldn’t just WISH for something not to happen because most of the time the latter would come true anyway. 

like when she rounded the corner entering the courtyard. no matter how many times she hoped that her eyes had gone wrong, she knew that nathaniel rosier was standing a few feet in front of her. no one was around, so now seemed like the best opportunity she had to talk to him. to ask him WHY he had to go and disappear like that. 

she approached him quickly, her short little legs sprinting over to her boyfriend. her entire body was filled with a mix of anger and betrayal. “ who the fuck do you think you are ? ” she said, not caring if anyone heard her. “ you think it’s fucking okay to avoid me ? if you wanted some fucking time to yourself you should have just TOLD me instead of acting like a fucking asshole and just ghosting. ”

@rosierism

      a  letter.  it  seemed  normal  enough,  an  envelope  addressed  to  him.  the  contents  inside  was  a  small  paper,  scrawled  carefully  was  a  note  which  read  with  purpose,  ‘  i  know  you  didn’t  do  anything  to  dominique  weasley,  because  i  did.  but  i’ll  make  sure  they  all  think  it’s  you,  if  you  don’t  do  as  i  say.  ‘  his  heart  had  stopped  beating.  someone  was  watching  him,  someone  who  knew  how  to  curse  a  girl,  how  to  make  people  think  it  wasn’t  them.  &  it  terrified  him,  because  whoever  they  were  could  be  watching  him,  they  could  know  about  ZARA.  

        his  phone  had  blown  up,  the  one  she  got  for  him,  texts  from  her.  of  course  he’d  opened  them,  was  going  to  respond,  but  he  didn’t  know  HOW  TO.  he  couldn’t  tell  her,  that  he  was  in  direct  contact  with  whoever  hurt  dominique.  lips  pressed  together  as  he  put  the  phone  away,  letting  the  battery  drain  on  it.  then  he  avoided  her.  he  avoided  her  because  he  didn’t  who  it  was,  he  didn’t  know  who  could  find  out  it  was  her  that  was  the  reason  for  his  distraction.

          but  here  she  was  now,  in  front  of  him,  fire  in  her  eyes.  now  he  was  more  than  terrified  of  some  unknown  writer,  because  his  girlfriend  was  going  to  kill  him  before  they  ever  could.  he  swallowed.

         ❛  i’m  sorry,  z,  but  i  can’t  talk  right  now,  not  here.  people  might  see  us,  might  watch  us.  i  know  it’s  not  okay,  i  know,  i  was  hoping  you’d  just  find  a  way  to  get  to  me, ❜ his  hand  ran  through  his  hair,  AGGRAVATED.  he  couldn’t  tell  her,  he  had  to  tell  her.  he  was  only  seventeen.  this  was  too  much  for  him.  he  was  too  FUCKING  young  to  be  in  this,  to  have  the  person  who’d  infiltrated  hogwarts  to  be  keeping  an  eye  on  him.  he  was  being  scouted,  he  knew  it.  his  eyes  shifted  to  look  for  shadows  behind  corners.

[rosierism-blog]

╰ °✧  POTTER, J.

“Not YET been involved. That fucking says it all.” James scoffed and angrily shook his head at the boy, somewhat in disgust. He didn’t believe a word that came out of the boy’s mouth and why should he? He was everything James despised. Even though Nathaniel personally hadn’t done anything, James was still projecting this anger about the upcoming war onto him. People he KNEW were the reason his father and Uncle went missing and the reason his cousin almost died. “Fine. Who were you supposedly fucking, then?”

       for  once  he  avoided  the  gaze  of  james  potter.  he  couldn’t  just  come  out  &  say  ZARA  DUBOIS,  because  he’d  be  dead  in  a  heartbeat.  ❛  i  don’t  remember  her  name,  that’s  just  where  i  was.  so  do  me  a  fucking  favour  &  stop  spreading  the  rumours.  also  it  sounds  like  you  want  to  get  into  a  fucking  fight  at  this  point.  but  after  last  time  you  know  you  won’t  win. ❜

[rosierism-blog]

╰ °✧  DUBOIS, Z.

asking him to stop thinking about her so much was probably the most impossible thing that zara could have asked. she knew from first hand that doing that wasn’t possible. she knew that she couldn’t go a day without the man of her dreams littering her mind. and though she couldn’t imagine why she could take up even a mere fraction of someone’s mind, she figured that she riddled his brain as well.

she didn’t speak for a while, her fingers merely traced over the back of his palm as she let his words sink in.  “ i’m sorry, ” she finally said, the words whisping off of her lips quietly. “ i just don’t want to see you in this position. i don’t want to see you pinned against the wall like this. all signs point to you and the only proof that we have that it isn’t you will literally kill us if it gets out. i hate that i have to be muggleborn, because if i wasn’t then your name would be cleared and you wouldn’t have to worry about all of this shit. ”

“ you’re an amazing guy, nathaniel. the last thing i want is to be the reason you get blamed for the attack. i wish we could just tell everyone that we’re together, but we can’t and i can’t help but feel like that’s my fault.”

        hands  raised  to  cup  her  cheeks.  he  knew  everything  was  risky  now,  that  people  could  see  them  here.  but  whenever  it  came  to  zara  his  morals  slipped.  he  gave  up  trying  to  hide  as  he  moved  to  kiss  her  gently.  surely  she  understood  how  much  he  cared  about  her  &  how  he  didn’t  care  anymore  about  her  blood  type.  as  far  as  he  was  concerned  she  was  as  worthy  as  any  other  witch  &  she  was  just  as  smart  if  not  smarter.  he  didn’t  understand  the  prejudice  against  her  specifically,  whereas  others  he  could  see  it.  eventually  his  lips  pulled  back  from  hers.

         with  a  soft  smile  he  peeked  at  her,  whatever  worry  he  had  he  hid  because  he  was  done  showing  her  how  afraid  he  was.  ❛  i  do  know  which  way  you’d  LIKE  to  see  me  pinned  against  the  wall,  though.  &  that’s  the  sort  of  thing  i  want  to  think  about.  not  all  of  this  other  bullshit.  just  .  .  .  i  should  GO,  before  either  of  us  gets  into  trouble.  we  can  meet  later,  properly.  i’m  sorry,  for  coming  to  you  like  this.  ❜

[rosierism-blog]

╰ °✧  POTTER, J.

“More important shit like WHAT? Plotting which family member of mine you’re going to off next, huh? Or maybe you’re going to help your dear, sweet parents kidnap the rest of my Uncles. That’s your kind of fun, yeah?” As James spoke, he moved closer to Nathaniel so they were standing only a few inches apart. His usually bright green eyes were now dark and dull as he narrowed them, his lips forming a frown on his face. He was angry again but he wasn’t going to hit him this time or lose it. He wasn’t going to give the boy he hated the satisfaction anymore. People had forgotten their fight after the attack on Christmas Day but James hadn’t. “I was having a GREAT time until somebody decided to fuck it up for everyone. Convenient you weren’t there to see your plan in action, right?” 

      there  was  a  part  of  him  that  wished  he’d  been  the  one  to  commit  whatever  crime  this  was,  but  he  hadn’t.  his  lips  moved  into  a  line  as  he  fixed  his  gaze  on  james.  he  looked  genuine,  &  even  though  they  were  clearly  enemies  &  nathaniel  had  truly  begun  to  break  james,  he  didn’t  think  that  they’d  be  on  the  level  of  understanding  that  nathaniel  was  capable  of  sending  the  weasley  girl  into  the  air.  ❛  i  was  busy  FUCKING  a  girl  in  my  room.  which  i’m  sure  anyone  who  was  in  the  slytherin  dorms  that  night  could  probably  hear.  it  wasn’t  me,  alright  ?  i’ve  been  ATTEMPTING  to  be  good  as  of  late.  as  far  as  my  parents  are  concerned  i’ve  not  yet  been  involved  in  anything  so  fuck  you  for  thinking  i  did  it.  ❜

[rosierism-blog]

╰ °✧  POTTER, J.

As soon as Nathaniel stopped in front of him, James just wanted to go because he was NOT in the mood to deal with his bullshit today – not that he ever was. Even just the sight of his face brought his mood down and with the current rumours about him, he wanted to speak to him even less than he usually did. Huffing out a sigh, he gave him a glare he reserved especially for the Slytherin and scowled. “Have you come here to attack me as well, now? Was beating the shit out of me not good enough? You can have one of my rings if you have another urge to curse more jewellery.”

      arms  immediately  crossed,  a  body  language  that  nathaniel  had  become  almost  too  good  at  showing.  ❛  oh  come  off  it,  you’re  not  one  of  them,  are  you  ?  one  of  the  people  who  fucking  thinks  it  was  me  ?  i  wasn’t  even  at  the  bloody  dance,  i  was  too  busy  with  other  more  important  shit  to  worry  about  getting  wasted  &  dancing  to  shit  live  music.  bet  you  had  a  right  good  time,  though.  since  having  a  good  time  at  shit  parties  is  your  specialty. ❜

[rosierism-blog]

╰ °✧  DUBOIS, Z.

she felt as if sometimes when she was around nathaniel, the morals that she grew up with kind of disappeared. around him she often accompanied herself with a child-like mindset. she didn’t want anything bad to happen, so she just pretended like everything would be alright. she chalked every bad thing down to the simple hope that in the end it would be alright. she didn’t like thinking about the bad things. she didn’t like thinking about the future. she didn’t want to worry her brain with the possible fact that everything she’d ever loved would slip through her fingers. she didn’t want nathaniel to be one of those things, even though she knew that he was probably going to. so that was the reason she brushed the whole situation off. she didn’t want to think about it. she didn’t want to worry.

deep down she knew that the words that fell from his lips weren’t said to hurt her. but she got defensive. she never wanted or believed that she could be the center of someone’s world. she didn’t want him to be too worried about her when the whole world is falling apart around them. “ nothing feels right anymore. do you realize how terrified i am ? i don’t expect you to tell anyone about us. i don’t want you getting hurt, but i feel like if you did it would initially be all of my fault. i don’t want to be the reason you get killed. ”

“ i don’t know what to say or do to make this situation better. i’m not good with advice– never have. all i know is that i don’t want you to devote all of your time and thoughts to me, especially now all of this shit is happening. ”

        somehow,  in  some  way,  she  made  this  about  her.  part  of  that  frustrated  him  but  he  guessed  it  was  because  she  didn’t  want  to  think  about  how  big  all  of  this  was  going  to  get.  what  he  was  trying  to  do  was  tell  her  how  much  he  cared,  that  when  he  cared  this  much  it  was  like  a  plague  to  his  head.  but  that  was  seemingly  too  difficult  to  spell  out  in  words.  so  for  a  moment  all  he  could  do  was  stare  at  her  briefly.

         ❛  you  don’t  get  a  fucking  choice  about  where  i  devote  my  time  &  thoughts  to.  i’ll  think  about  you  whenever  i  want  to  however  much  i  want  to  &  you  don’t  get  to  limit  that.  but  none  of  this  is  ‘all  your  fault’  so  don’t  turn  it  into  that.  stop  trying  to  get  me  to  not  care  about  you  all  of  the  sudden.  i  just  .  .  .  i  just  wanted  you  to  know  that  i  do.  enough  to  come  &  tell  you  before  you  heard  from  a million  different  people  that  it  was  me.  because  you’ve  gotten  upset  with  me  for  not  telling  you  things  so  i’m  trying  to  be  better  &  tell  you  everything.  ❜

[rosierism-blog]

╰ °✧  DUBOIS, Z.

zara was getting sick and tired of people placing the blame on nathaniel whenever they only just assumed that he did terrible things. she thought that me most ironic part about all of this was that he was getting framed whenever he spent the entire night with a muggleborn. so she did what she did best and looped her fingers through his as she shook her head at him, “ even if you didn’t tell me, i wouldn’t have believed them. you were too distracted last night to worry about hurting dominique weasley.”

“ plus, like you said– you’re not even in the loop anymore. let them talk, because they’re all just looking for someone to blame. they’ve never actually ever seen true evil in their lives– only heard about it from their parents. listen, i hope that those rumors will fade away, because the last thing that i want to think about is your head in a noose.”

      though  he  thought  otherwise.  zara  confused  him  a  lot  of  the  time,  because  while  she  was  stating  that  she  wouldn’t  be  upset  he  was  sure  that  she  would  find  him  immediately  after  &  interrogate  him.  he’d  been  attempting  to  distance  himself  from  whatever  new  death  eaters  had  arisen,  he’d  even  avoided  speaking  to  his  parents.  after  harry  potter  was  returned  safe  &  sound  he  decided  he  had  to  make  a  decision  to  be  a  GOOD  boyfriend  to  zara,  to  try  to  give  up  whatever  pipe  dream  he’d  had  about  joining  the  ranks  of  a  new  group.  because  if  she  was  going  to  get  hurt  by  him  still  disliking  muggleborns  then  he  had  to  try  to  stop.

       his  lips  twisted  a  bit  as  he  gazed  at  her,  ❛  i  can’t  tell  anyone,  how  distracted  i  was.  i  can’t  defend  myself.  do  you  know  how  hard  that  is  for  me  ?  these  aren’t  just  rumours,  they  can  be  turned  into  more  if  people  really  want  them  to.  i’ve  just  been  working  HARD  to  make  sure  that  i’m  more  of  who  you’d  like  me  to  be.  &  people  are  trying  to  take  that  away  from  me  already.  ❜  

        he  couldn’t  help  but  feel  like  something  awful  was  going  to  happen  soon.  with  all  of  this  build  up,  with  a  weasley  being  hurt  instead  of  a  muggleborn.  surely  zara  could  tell  that  he  wasn’t  in  a  fit  state  of  mind.  ❛  something  doesn’t  feel  right  about  it,  z.  especially  after  i’ve  been  too  busy  with  you  to  pay  attention  to  anyone  else.  ❜

[rosierism-blog]

╰ °✧  DUBOIS, Z.

it was extremely out of place that nathaniel would come and find her in the middle of the day like this. it was a little dangerous because it risked the two of them getting caught. she had no time to protest, though. as soon as she opened her mouth to retaliate when she felt someone grab her hand, but her mouth slipped shut when she finally recognized who it was.

before she knew it, her and nathaniel rosier sat cozy in the little niche. but his face didn’t read well, because she couldn’t find anything that wasn’t pure panic. she rushed to furrow her eyebrows together from confusion. what on earth could he be talking about. what happened and why was he so freaked ? 

“ nathaniel, mon amour , what’s wrong ? ” her words were haste as her hands rushed to cradle over his. “ what happened ? what kind of next level shit ? ”

        the  explanation  he  could  give  wasn’t  the  best  since  he  wasn’t  at  the  event  itself,  but  he  knew  she  deserved  to  hear  things  from  him.  ❛  so  i  went  to  fucking  shower,  right  - ❜  which  could  probably  be  told  from  his  still  damp  curls,  ❛  &  one  of  my  roommates  is  back.  so  he  told  me  that  dominique  weasley  got  lifted  into  the  air  like  a  demon  possessed  her.   ❜  

          ❛  well  it  turns  out  someone  got  her  to  put  on  a  cursed  necklace  &  she  started  screaming  all  sorts  of  nonsense.  then  after  that,  the  necklace  shot  out  that  new  death  eater  symbol  or  whatever  the  fuck  it  is,  &  the  whole  great  hall  went  dark.  he  said  that  a  few  people  think  it’s  ME  who  did  it,  because  no  one  saw  me  at  the  dance.  &  it  isn’t  like  i  can  tell  anyone  where  i  actually  was  or  else  my  parents  might  tie  a  damn  noose  around  my  neck  &  make  me  hang. ❜  

          ❛  but  we  both  know  it  wasn’t  me.  my  parents  haven’t  even  asked  me  to  be  part  of  anything  yet.  i  just  wanted  you  to  hear  it  from  me  first.  cause  you  know  i  didn’t  do  it,  z.  ❜

[rosierism-blog]

       even  though  his  head  was  on  a  chopping  block,  nathaniel  rosier  didn’t  know  how  to  keep  his  FUCKING  mouth  shut.  he  should  have,  maybe  things  would’ve  blown  over  faster,  but  seeing  james  potter  this  lovely  evening  gave  him  a  chance  he  just  thought  he  couldn’t  give  up.  he  was  just  walking.  heading  toward  the  courtyard  when  he  saw  his  least  favourite  person  in  the  world.  his  lips  turned  immediately  into  a  smile.

        ❛  ‘ello,  potter.  fancy  seeing  you  here,  i  thought  YOU  might  be  suspended  in  the  air  somewhere  by  now.  i  guess  we  can’t  all  get  our  wish. ❜

@jamiepottcr