a battle I've fought for 3 yrs. I guess after all you cannot have everything you wanted. Though you think you have done your best and yet it wasn't really it. Sometimes, you wish to have the best in your life, but what if its not really meant for you? will you continue fighting in the battlefield to gain the honor or just leave it? too many questions, yet no answers.
I've always wanted just one thing in my life, is to have what makes me happy. but today was the end of it. I am not really sure just yet, since this happiness hasn't responded yet.
I have prayed for it, plenty of times. I didn't really pray to God to give me the specific one, but the personality and characteristic itself, yes. It arrived, 3 years then it left. How i wish that it didn't really stay that long, it should have went away in the first place. It stayed so long, I've poured my heart out, and gave what i thought was my best.. Now that I'm left all alone, its like I'm left in the dark but with a little crack of light still peeking. I feel like a little child crying over something that i know I cannot have.
Painfully speaking, yes, the pain is just around my chest, and still trying to collect all the kind of hurts, damaging my heart and slowly slowly trying to make it weak till it wont feel anything anymore.
I guess what hurts more is knowing you cannot have the same happiness anymore. Especially that it so far away, and knowing that you wont ever feel that kind of happiness, you wont be able to see or touch or have it. Sucks honestly.
God has put me in a triple situation, everything is slowly fading away. I am not blaming Him at all, Maybe he really wants the best for me. But who knows, No one does. Even myself. Even my parents, friends, or my neighbors. so the answer is, No one does know. So hard to predict the future. Where am I even heading to this. Nonsense.
Bitterness, No i don't want to be bitter. Bitter Melon was my most hated veggie, and i don't wanna taste anything like that. I don' want to be bitter.
I just hope if someone ever find my lost happiness, they will take good care of it. For i have took care of it. Protected it, and loved it. If only I was given another chance, i will sure do the same and will never get tired of doing the same over again.
I just hope it will find its way back home, one day, sooner, or later. Whatever it is..hope everything will turn out well.
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