Jeon Jungkook One-shot [drabble]
you : if love is a person, it's you, jeongguk [12:57pm]
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This was the very first page
Not where the story line ends
My thoughts will echo your name
These are the words I held back
As I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you.
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
—Enchanted by Taylor Swift
Is to bloom a beautiful flower
Every sentence I write for you,
I say i would move on with a smile on my face and a full stop on my page.
But again— my mind seeks you
And I start writing after that full stop,
Asking you to come out of your hiding place to uplift my lips once again.
A selfish thing, aren't I?
I wonder if there's an end for us, for this unnamed bond
Last time, I said it's my final goodbye, I said I'd let you go
I was lying though my teeth, wasn't I?
Because, now I see you beam a smile at me,
Melting away my sorrows in milliseconds.
"What do you hold behind that smile?"
I asked you once and you fell silent.
I understood there remained melancholy behind that smile.
But you only chuckled, your smile surfacing back, sparks brimming in your orbs.
"How do you hold that zeal in your eyes?"
I asked you once, gazing into your irises.
You faintly smiled and made fun of my dramatic lines.
I understood the mischief etched into every cell of your being.
But then you laughed at my baffled expression, the tone of your voice effortlessly mellifluous.
"How do you sound so euphonious?"
I asked you once, while you stood under the vast sky,
The first flake of snow landing on the tip of your nose as I witnessed your skin flushing ever so slightly in the winter wind.
Turning your head to me, you only shrugged as if you didn't know the answer at all. And I could only watch the way your gaze darted towards the deep blue of the night sky.
And you blessed my ears with your murmured lyrics
"Aren't we all lost stars,
Trying to light up the dark?"
I understood your passion blending along with the bittersweet reality, dripping with words that meant something.
But then you snaked your arm around my shoulder with a goofy smile on your face. And you continued to stay silent throughout the stroll. Then, probably, your brain short-circuited, because the way you pulled me closer has my heart still thrumming furiously.
"What in the world actually goes on in your head? "
I asked you once, in the same winter wind, pulling the jacket tighter around my shivering body.
Neither did you reply nor did you react,
But drastically tugged me to spin me around,
Making me giddy, your stupid laughter echoing in the back of my mind.
I took a mental note to myself
That you're an absolute dingus during midnights,
Especially in the chill weather.
But then I realized we were already in the comfort of our home.
And somehow, the mischief was wiped out of your face, replaced by something softer, almost vulnerable.
And I found myself leaning closer to remove the scarf from your neck, I saw the way you batted your eyelashes continuously, nibbling on your lower lip unconsciously.
"What in the world actually goes on in your head?"
I echoed the same question, tender this time,
Witnessing you slowly coming back from your trance,
Blinking your God damn eyes, the stupor still present on your face as you silently pulled me into your arms for a long embrace.
I understood that you're an absolute emotional dingus during midnights.
But the very next day, you were hopping around like an energetic bunny while pulling my poor, poor sleep-deprived self with you.
"What do you gain by annoying me first thing in the morning?"
I asked in a complaining tone as you sat me on a chair with a joy that was slightly infectious.
You explained with such beatrice, your eyes crinkling at the corners as you explained how your favorite anime was turned into a ps5 game.
I understood the childish mirth that came along with your mature demeanor.
But the very same day, when I came back and opened the door of our home at the evening, I was welcomed by a bizarre silence and darkness. Switching on the lights, I navigated to your room, only to find your figure on the floor, overcome by exhaustion, the perspiration of your body quite vivid.
I found myself kneeling down with a concerned expression
"Why do you always overwork yourself?"
I murmured, reaching out to gently wipe away that sweat from your forehead, insisting you to drink a glass of water, pressing the cool rim of the cup against your lips.
I understood how much of a perfectionist you strive to be every single day.
But later that night, you were quite clingy, always following me around like a lost puppy with a lovely gaze. And you progressed more to wrap your arms around my waist from behind, saying you felt comfy to give me back hugs.
I asked, only to have your doe eyes staring into mine which instantly shut me up, the next sentence rendering me speechless.
"Why? Am I not allowed to love you?"
You questioned, quirking your eyebrows like the menace you are, the words pulling at my heartstrings,
Blinking like a malfunctioning doll,
Earning a gentle laugh from your lips that sounded like home.
With my palpitating heart,
I understood that you weaponzied your love in the softest way possible.
But some days later, I found you cuddling your dear Bam, your canine friend utterly fond of your affection. I found myself leaning against the doorframe, watching you talk so seriously to Bam and he barked gibberish, his paws energetically reaching out to you. It didn't stop you from pressing constant kisses on Bam's head, a huge grin adorning your lips like you saw heaven on earth. The whole moment was an endearing one to keep it memorized in your heart. "Why are you being a huge softie?"
I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.
You denied indignantly, saying you were anything but soft,
Saying you were having a regular conversation with Bam.
And Bam— that sweet lil traitor, barked in protest as you huffed in feigned anger.
"Bam, you betrayed your dad!"
I understood that you grew flustered over silly stuffs.
But you outdid yourself in showing your care every single time.
True, you were always this impossible brat, quite mischievous with evil pranks in your head. But you often showed me that there is more than meets the eye. You did so much, you said so much and all I ever wanted was to reciprocate that love with the same intensity.
But you always outdid me. Giving me forehead pecks when I'm down, constantly reaching out to lace your fingers with mine, singing me songs to sleep, taking care of me while I'm sick, showing me your passion and interests, sharing your mind with me.
I'm smitten over every way of your love
"Do I really deserve you?"
I asked you once, eyes dull, quietly watching your face which was gently illuminated by the faint rays of the night lamp.
Before I could ask any other question,
You shushed me with a kiss, your lips a gentle solace against mine,
A small hi in the way your traced your tongue against the seam of my mouth,
A soft im here in the way your thumb stroked against my cheek,
And it felt like a sweet ache,
As if my soul belonged to my ribcage,
As if you provided warmth to the very essence of my being.
I understood how much you loved me to the core.
I snapped my eyes open, mind still hazy as I looked around my surroundings, bustling by the constant chattering between the students. I looked down at the back of my hand, the initials, JJK, catching my attention, the cursive stroke of gguk against my knuckles stealing my breath momentarily. I stared at the inked letters, reminiscing that I drew them with my pen.
And then everything came as a flood,
Flashes of his smile, the cadence of his voice, the echoes of his hums and laughters—
Aren't they supposed to be my memories?
I questioned myself, heaving a deep breath.
Even when I reach my house later on,
It doesn't feel like a home without him.
I reached out to take my phone,
Checking the gallery and the epiphany slowly, slowly dawned upon me—
All those stolen moments were only the fantasies of my lonely mind.
'Cause, now, when I stare at his picture,
I'm reminded that he's an idol,
Not my love, no, not really.
Minutes pass, hours pass, days pass,
But I look at him through this screen and it hurts—
It felt like I'm a stupid.
Drawing in a shaky breath,
I closed my eyes to stop the tears.
But they continued to cascade down my face anyway.
This time, he wasn't there to pull me into his arms.
I sang the verse in the hope of moving on from him one day.
"We laugh together, we cry together
These simple feelings were everything I had
I'll look into your eyes and say— i missed you."
Perhaps... I've loved you for whom you were not, jeongguk.
A/n : this is..something personal. Something that I wished to translate into words all the time. I hope it makes sense.
