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An0r3xi@ is soooo boring. Just waiting. Ugh. Why is everything fun combined with food? I know, I know. I could draw, go on a walk, watch a movie, dance, play games or read and so much more, but that’s simply not the same. After a short time it is just boring. 😩

#tw ed descussion #ana food diary #anor3c1a #bulim14 #tw 3d diet #i wanna be sk1nn1 #b0dy ch3ck #ana twt #ed rant #tw disordered thoughts

I am so d1sgust1ng. I want to b1te into my f@t and r1p it off my b0dy.

#tw ed descussion #ana food diary #tw 3d diet #bulim14 #anor3c1a #i wanna be sk1nn1 #b0dy ch3ck #ana twt #ed rant #tw disordered thoughts

Starting sm0k1ng c1gar3ttes to l0s3 w31ght (as an app3t1te suppr3ss@nt) 💕🥰✨🦋😘

Actually getting addi1ct3d to c1gar3ttes 😦🫣😭🥲

#tw ed descussion #ana food diary #@na rules #bul1m14 #diet coke #sweetsp0 #@na buddy #calorie deficit diet #low cal meal #th!n$p0

Having an 3d makes you so boring.

#tw ed descussion #ana food diary #@na rules #bul1m14 #diet coke #sweetsp0 #@na buddy #calorie deficit diet #low cal meal #th!n$p0

So… What do I do when I’m getting closer to my HW? Work out? Slip back into my old behaviors and be miserable? K1|| myself? Cutting sugar out?

What the hell? Stop with the w31ght ga1n! Why am I b1ng1ng? It’s not my medication. I am taking Fluoxetine. Okay… I may have been smoking 🍃 for the past three days and ate everything, but it only worsened an already shitty situation.

#tw ed descussion #ana food diary #@na rules #bul1m14 #diet coke #sweetsp0 #@na buddy #calorie deficit diet #low cal meal #th!n$p0

Waoh. I‘m 20 years old and I have th1nsp0s in my gallery. What if those people are m1n0rs? Like 14-17 years old? You and I may have m1n0rs in our gallery. I need to delete all my ✨inspiration✨ 😭

#tw ed descussion #ana food diary #@na rules #bul1m14 #diet coke #sweetsp0 #@na buddy #calorie deficit diet #low cal meal #th!n$p0

Today an information hit me. I have to exercise so I won’t end up skinny fat. Where is my gun? This illness can take everything but pls don’t make me exercise. I don’t want to lift weights and do cardio. I want to sip on my Coke Zero while watching some silly cartoons. But no. This won’t give me my dream body. Just loose skin.

#tw ed descussion #ana food diary #@na rules #bul1m14 #diet coke #sweetsp0 #@na buddy #calorie deficit diet #low cal meal #th!n$p0

My bone structure is my worst enemy and my lover at the same time. I despise having a wide ribcage but it also makes my ribs and collarbones very visible. But my legs are the worst. They are so close to each other, that a th1gh g@p seems like a wet dream. I’ve read that someone had still no gap at bmi 15. 15!!!! Genetics are evil. Question to my future self: how low do I have to go?

I don’t want a th1gh g@p. I need it. But it doesn’t seem to be possible for now. Just for now.

#tw ed descussion #ana food diary #@na rules #bul1m14 #diet coke #sweetsp0 #@na buddy #calorie deficit diet #low cal meal #th!n$p0

I did in fact not enjoy the rest of this conversation.

He was indeed a creep. 🥰

#tw ed descussion #ana food diary #@na rules #bul1m14 #diet coke #sweetsp0 #@na buddy #calorie deficit diet #low cal meal #th!n$p0

I’ve drawer where I put all my snacks in. On the other side I have my Coke Zero. Now I’ve printed a collage of ✨inspiration✨and put on the snacks.

#tw ed descussion #ana food diary #@na rules #bul1m14 #diet coke #sweetsp0 #@na buddy #calorie deficit diet #low cal meal #th!n$p0

I‘ve changed my scale from kg to lbs. Today I’ve gained 2lbs since yesterday. That would have been 0.9kg. Which is still a lot but seeing the numbers go up that fast is something I won’t recover from easily.

#tw ed descussion #ana food diary #@na rules #bul1m14 #diet coke #sweetsp0 #@na buddy #calorie deficit diet #low cal meal #th!n$p0

Me: Dang. My heart is pounding like crazy. I really should stop vaping.

Also me: Takes antidepressants with an energy drink.

Silly vaping.

Yeah. My eating habits aren’t helping either. Ig.

#tw ed descussion #ana food diary #@na rules #bul1m14 #diet coke #sweetsp0 #@na buddy #calorie deficit diet #low cal meal #th!n$p0

Ahahahaha! Guess who’s psychiatrist described fluoxetin. That’s right! Mine did. I’ve cried to her that I’ve so much more appetite on venlafaxin and that I’m gaining w31ght while still being d3pr3ss3d and she gave me my dream medication. Fingers crossed that it will help me l0sing w31ght. Because the d3pr3ssion will stay. It’s just not enough serotonin for me. I don’t know what she was thinking and how this should help me, but I don’t care that much right now. The only important thing is that it helps me to l0se w31ght. Fingers crossed that it will do the job.

#tw ed descussion #ana food diary #@na rules #bul1m14 #diet coke #sweetsp0 #@na buddy #calorie deficit diet #low cal meal #th!n$p0

What was I on? My lw was 47kg. What have I done? Now my gw is 45kg. Instead of losing 2kg I’ve to lose 17. Seventeen!!! Good lord. I’m cooked. Holy. I’m only now realizing how messed up everything is. I was so close and I’ve lost it all. Damn.

#tw ed descussion #ana food diary #@na rules #bul1m14 #diet coke #sweetsp0 #@na buddy #calorie deficit diet #low cal meal #th!n$p0

Rn I’m having €d thought and I cringe so hard. Like girl. You are 20 and recovered. What do you mean you need to be s1ck again? Get your stuff together and stop being cringe af.

But seriously. I feel so old. I’ve been living on my own since 1,5 years, have bills to pay and a job. Seeing those self de$truct1ve teenagers who f up their life’s just because their scared of being or getting f@t is such a flashback for me and how I felt back then. I’m now at a very different place and time and shouldn’t relate to a 13 year old who is crying over the sca|e.

Old lady here. My back hurts and I want to sleep. Not worrying over calories and my weight. I should improve myself like an adult. Go to the gym, have a healthy diet and eat those diet pills like skittles. Very mindful, very demure, very cutesy.

#tw ed descussion #ana food diary #@na rules #bul1m14 #diet coke #sweetsp0 #@na buddy #calorie deficit diet #low cal meal #th!n$p0

Being self destructive is just so stupid. I don’t get it. I have everything I need. Except social contact, because I don’t have the energy for it (I work in day care and as much as I love my job it just ends your social battery). But this is something I could work on! But no! I have to lay here, do nothing and be alone. It’s so depressing and makes me depressed because I’m alone. Stupid! On top I try to make myself happy by an @dd!ct!on that ruins my life (an €d). Like - hello! Use your brain! Stop it! You don’t want to be s!ck so stop it!

Anyways! Anyone an idea how to socialize without being strange? 🥰

#tw ed descussion #ana food diary #@na rules #bul1m14 #diet coke #sweetsp0 #@na buddy #calorie deficit diet #low cal meal #th!n$p0

Istg, if I’m not l0s|ng w€!ght rn I’m gonna grab the scissors and just cvt the f@t off.

#tw ed descussion #ana food diary #@na rules #bul1m14 #diet coke #sweetsp0 #@na buddy #calorie deficit diet #low cal meal #th!n$p0

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