Here's my Ajin Secret Santa for @zerogalahard! I hope it's to your liking. :)
AO3 link: X
And pasted here:
The Nakanos sat slumped on their dingy couch, sweat-damp in front of a buzzing fan while the radio hummed. The light above had burned out, but the late afternoon sun was sufficient for their current hobby: staring at the discolored wall behind an unplugged television.
“Kouuuu, bring mommy a drink.” Her languid hand flapped vaguely towards the kitchen. A little boy, 4 or 5, sprang from the couch and dragged a step stool into the other room. His mother closed her eyes and enjoyed the gentle clinking sounds of his bustling efforts. He shortly returned with a glass filled to the brim with fizzing soda held carefully in both hands, which he placed on a tray table. His face was tensed in concentration and he moved with exaggerated caution. Without prompting, he made a second trip to bring a bottle of vodka. He aligned it neatly with the glass. His mother fondly placed her hand on his head and ruffled his hair.
“I guess you’re useful sometimes, huh?”
Her son smiled from under her hand.
***
Kou was not doing well in school and everyone knew it. His notes were useless, his scores were embarrassing, and he had no hope of making his teachers proud. His classmates would titter when he failed to translate, “I go to school in Japan,” but then they would give him sympathetic nudges or offer to let him copy their homework. His English teacher was not impressed, but Kou always helped him carry the classroom print outs.
“At least you’re good for something, Nakano.”
Kou nodded politely.
***
The new hire on the construction site could hardly do his job. He’d been given the worker’s manual but acted like he'd never read it. The foreman was ready to fire the kid after a few complaints from co-workers until he took the time to speak with him. Nakano just couldn’t read a lot of kanji, nothing verbal instructions wouldn’t fix. Just a week later he saw a cluster of the team praising his improvement.
One member clapped Nakano on the back and fondly said, “Turns out you can teach a dumb dog new tricks.”
Everyone, Nakano included, had a good laugh.
***
The chipper anchor’s voice stated, “…officials confirmed today that cleanup and rebuilding of the area surrounding Iruma Base is almost complete after the shocking att--.” Her voice cut off as the screen went dark. An older man in a hi-vis vest, the foreman, held the remote.
“That’s this job almost done according to the press, but we’ve still got concrete to pour. Lunch break’s over!”
Murmuring filled the room as staff rose from table in the temporary break room and started shrugging on jackets.
“Nakano, take a few minutes with your friend,” the foreman instructed with a sideways smile, glancing at the black-haired lump napping on the futon.
As the others trickled out the door, Kei rolled over to face the room and stretched his legs. When only he and Kou were left, he stood up and started making tea at the snack station.
Kou sighed and frowned down at the formica table. He began to stack up the battered deck of cards he and his coworkers fiddled with during breaks.
“What is it?”
Kou was surprised to hear Kei speak. He had assumed he was in one of his silent, absorbed moods.
“Um, what’s what?”
“Something’s bothering you. Get if off your chest before it starts annoying me.”
“Oh. I was just thinking about that day.” Kou hesitated before continuing. “If you’d had someone else, someone who could use a black ghost, maybe things would have gone better.”
Kei’s mouth dropped open and his eyebrows drew together with disdainful incredulity.
“Are you stupid? We caught Sato. You can’t ask for better than that.”
“I know. It’s all the other stuff, with the civilians. It was just so…” Kou shrugged, lost in an attempt to capture what he had felt when he was sure they had failed. Sandwiched between the Anti-Demis and the flood of IBMs, he had longed desperately to create his own ghost. Akiyama had used his up and the Anti-Demis had no more bullets, but all Kou had to offer to prevent the grisly death of the people crammed behind him was the barrier of his corpse. How many times would he have to die before he could produce something of value?
He looked helplessly at Kei, unable to articulate what he was feeling. Kei was back to ignoring him. He set their steaming tea mugs on the table, but did not return the gaze. He plopped into a plastic chair and began staring out the dusty rectangular cutout window in the aluminum-sided office. He tapped a finger on the table and his mouth hung open just a little. Kou recognized the look and prepared to wait with a sigh. This was Kei’s thinking face.
Kou shuffled the cards for several minutes. He was just laying them out for solitaire when Kei spoke.
“Dr. Ogura published a new paper.” Kei was still staring at nothing.
Even though he knew from experience it was better to let Kei talk when he was ready, Kou frequently found he didn’t have the patience.
“Okay, and…?”
Kei clicked his tongue, bothering to look towards Kou to make sure his rolling eyes were obvious.
“It was about variation in IBMs. You didn’t read it?”
“Oh, I uh, skimmed it.”
He had, really, but it was in English and the site he pasted it into turned the whole thing into gibberish. He ruefully considered it would have been gibberish to him even if he knew English. There had been a lot of… terms. And charts with mathy-looking lines. He shuddered.
Kei grimaced and shook his head. With the performative criticism out of the way he gave Kou the reader’s digest of a 23 page paper.
By the end, Kou concluded, “So… I can’t make a ghost because my personality is bad? Then why can you make one!?”
“Moron, that’s not what I said! And shut up!”
Kou laughed as Kei slumped further into his chair with scowl.
When he settled into his new position, Kei placed both of his arms on the table and turned them palms up. He raised one hand slightly.
“So I’ve been a demi-human for a long time, probably. And that whole time I wasn’t really thinking about my IBM. I was just being me. I’m not gonna change, so it’s not gonna change. Ms. Shimomura’s used to look like mine, she said. But now it doesn’t.”
He raised his chin and an eyebrow and he looked across the table at Kou. Kou shrugged.
Chin, eyebrow, and hand dropped down. Then he lifted his other hand. “You’ve probably been a demi-human for a long time too. You mentioned being alone a lot. The first time might have been before you can remember. You weren’t thinking about an IBM either. And yet you don’t have one. What’s the difference between us?”
Kou rested his chin in both hands and sighed out, “You’re smart and I’m famously dumb.”
“No, stupid. I mean yeah, I’m smarter than you, but I’m smarter than most people. Other demi-humans manage to have IBMs without my brain.”
Kou would have loved to give Kei a hard time for saying things like that, but it was hard to mock someone for speaking truth.
Kei continued. “So, I think the difference is who we are. The way I am bothers people, but I’m right so I don’t care. People like you a lot. You’re very likable. It serves you well most of the time, but…”
“So I should act like you and be a jerk. And then I can have a jerk ghost. Got it.”
This time Kei ignored the teasing. “You should try some introspection.” Seeing Kou form the question, Kei added, “Introspection is thinking about yourself and why you do things. Why are you always working hard to make people like you? Why do you put so much effort into helping people?”
“I don’t work hard to get people like me!”
“Tsk. Don’t get defensive. Getting people to like you is a skill and you’ve honed that skill. Don’t tell me you haven’t worked hard. You’re always working hard for others.”
Kou shook his head. “It’s just who I am. And isn’t it a good thing to be useful? What’s the point of living if you don’t have something to do and someone to live for?”
Another thinking silence gave enough time for Kou to flip a few cards and to bring the tea to lukewarm. Kou took a sip and placed the mug back on the table.
Kei cleared his throat and looked Kou directly in the eyes. He opened his mouth and closed it several times, like he wasn’t sure how to start.
“You could try being a little selfish, just for a while.” His tone was serious and he didn’t looked away. Kou felt an uncomfortable warmth in his cheeks. He squirmed and moved the mug closer to his body.
Abruptly, Kei stood up and pushed his chair in.
“I’m gonna get my bag.”
He was almost out the door when he turned towards Kou like he’d forgotten something.
“You can do plenty of stuff. Try doing some things for yourself for once.”
“Okay.”
“You’re not stupid, you know? I wouldn’t waste my time talking to you otherwise.”
“I know.”
“Good.”
Notes:
I was given a lot of free reign - I just needed to include Kei and/or Kou. Hopefully this works! I don't think I captured Kei's side of this issue very well, but he and Kou work very hard for other people. Kei has that great moment where "for once" he wants to do something for Kaito by saving him. And of course Kei has also dedicated his entire life to becoming a doctor. I did a lot more with Kou here. I think Kei has more agency in his choice to serve others, whereas Kou has probably been told his whole life that he's not worth much if he's just being himself. So that's what I focused on! I think Kou deserves a lot of respect, and despite Kei's poor socialization, I think he's capable of showing Kou his admiration and approval. Ogura's "new paper" comes from the bit where he wonders why Kei's IBM is so dense. He says, "There are variations due to the state of emotional development, of self-hood."
Woooow!!! :') I loved it, and I adored the way you wrote the characters.
Thank you so much for this gift 💖
