[zerosugarboydinner]

trigger warning for blog content

★ joey ★ 19 ★ she/any ★

@/lowcalboydinner on twt

please do not follow if your following list is not private

i am a recovering alcoholic & relapsing with an ED.

yes i am in therapy for all of this lol so if i randomly disappear, i have chosen recovery 🔥 or im too busy with study to be online.

i am no longer on T, but was for just over a year. #NoRegratz but the guilt of being my mother's only daughter and ruining that for her got to me lol

i will like/follow from @/cherubjock

personal to-do list lmao

for the love of god get my driver's licence

whitening strips

lose weight bruh

[juliette55500]

[zerosugarboydinner]

Hmmm usually I get constipated after the lax effects, so idk why I have an upset tummy, hopefully I haven't given myself a stomach problem... It could just be my antibiotics but they've never given me an upset tummy before, and I don't think I've eaten enough fibre for this either lmao

[zerosugarboydinner]

Oatmeal w raspberries and cream 😟

4 garlic bread slices & two bowls of pumpkin soup with sour cream

3 cups of tea

Ugh honestly y'all why do I eat that much

[zerosugarboydinner]

Our house almost just caught on fire fr thank god I was showering and not asleep otherwise that could have been so bad 😭 I heard really loud 'pops' or bursts while I was drying off and went to see what it was. The cords in the kitchen had sparks flying off them and it smelt like fire 😭 I nearly shat myself

It is because we have one of those electric cat water bowls bc apparently cats will drink more water if it moves. One of our cats must have knocked it over and water spilt all over the cords. Those thangs are fire hazards 🥲 I'm begging my dad not to get another one, our cat could have been electrocuted, surely he has enough common sense not to get another one

[zerosugarboydinner]

Every time I'm with him I try really hard to make up reasons in my head why I'm happy just being his friend and definitely don't wanna spend my life with him but I just love him so much I don't think it will work

[zerosugarboydinner]

Ok but I wanna eat ramen and take lax so bad rn...

Maybe I will before I shower

I hate this it's 11pm dude

[zerosugarboydinner]

I just wanna feel confident when I'm getting jiggy with it lmao but I don't. He tries so hard to tell me how much he likes how I look but he said a lot of the wrong things yesterday that made me feel even more insecure 😭

And I felt self conscious about my genitals cuz I hadn't shaved and I get dark skin and also bottom growth which I don't think he has seen before, and uh. Well

Wtf does "hot in a different way" even mean

😭

Ouch????

[zerosugarboydinner]

Too early to speak lol but I think all things considered I made better choices with food today 💀 I was gonna make a nasty amount of mi goreng but I just had rice cakes with Vegemite & butter & cheese lol

OF MY GOD AH

I just sat down to smoke a cig on the back step and there's big ants everywhere 😭

[zerosugarboydinner]

My skin is finally starting to look better 🥹 hopefully the accutane purge won't be too harsh when I start it

[elz0id]

[zerosugarboydinner]

It rly hurts that when I was sick all I had to lose was 7 kg before people worried about me, and 13kg all up (over the span of about 1yr-1.5yrs which is a LONG time to lose that amount) before I ended up in hospital.

And now I've lost 25kg much more rapidly than I did back then, and noone gives a damn cuz I went from fat to normal. Instead of underweight to really underweight. It's hurtsssssss so baddd

And I used to be told I have a nice figure. and two occasions when I went clothes shopping, the fitting room people literally made me try on a bunch of other random clothes for fun bc I "looked like a model" I can't make tjis shit up. I was 12 and it fuelled me like nothin before. Now my mother wants me to wear shapewear for formal events...

I wish I could go back

But I can fr get there again right? Idk it's so unrealistic cuz I was a child then, I'm almost 20 now.

[zerosugarboydinner]

torturing myself 2day by looking at old hospital photos and playing tje music I listened to when I was rly sick 😛

I walked past the hospital a few times yesterday and it brought up a lot of memories. Idk man

[around-the-venom]

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[zerosugarboydinner]

yippe!!!

@heroin-boys @adr1xn @stelladoesnoteat

[zerosugarboydinner]

I feel like smoking takes up so much of my time too, just to sit outside nd smoke, and go out and buy more cigarettes and lighters, allathat. I miss out on using that time to myself for hobbies or studying or just going for walks and cleaning and playing with my pets

[zerosugarboydinner]

I stopped t in like October and i suddenly have like. No libido. In the last few months that has happened. Or I do have it mentally but not physically. Help wgat do I do

[zerosugarboydinner]

I'm not even gonna lie what really got me to seriously consider quitting was bc he said he could taste them when we kiss which YEP so real, I can taste it too and I fucking hate it, even though I brush my teeth and tongue and roof of mouth twice a day and try to after smoking too, it just lingers and it's yucky