Zipper

Hi I'm Zipper (Yes like the thing on a pair of pants or a hoodie) I go by she/her pronouns and I am secretly two goblins in a trenchcoat.

[mapsontheweb]

The Mississippi river and its tributaries

[sexygaywizard]

Holy shit, oh my god! 50 of them??

[sexygaywizard]

Me when I'm a sexy gay wizard that suddenly realizes they are being followed by 50 rats

[50rats]

[sexygaywizard]

OMG LMAO I WOULD NEVER RUN FROM YOU, 50 RATS, I JUST DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE BEHIND ME

[sexygaywizard]

You know what you are so right... We have a bond, these 50 rats and I....

OH SHIT OH NO

WAIT

I CAN'T FEED THIS MANY RATS

[sexygaywizard]

Oh wait I'm a fuckin wizard lol

Yay :) Enough treats for everyone :)

[sexygaywizard]

Happy rat day to my most popular post ever

[ouroborosorder]

the problem with writing fantasy is that i have to constantly stop myself from having people say "jesus fucking christ." jesus didn't exist here dammit. i need a fake swear that means the same thing i think

[starcut-sand]

the thing about Tangled is that this is a story geared towards little girls (even if it's "fun for the whole family," it's a disney princess movie, it's geared towards little girls), and it says, "here is a girl who is naive and doesn't know anything about the 'Real World' or how to navigate it safely and correctly. now pay close attention: the good guys are the ones who help her grow and explore new things while still respecting her own perspective and feelings, not making her feel stupid. the bad guys are the ones who tell her that she is too weak/immature/naive to do the things she wants to do, because she is fragile and needs protecting." and I watched this when I was nine years old and it resonated deep in a part of me that I couldn't articulate with words yet.

[ripempezardexerox]

[sorry-im-a-terminalidiot]

[albatross-the-pen-chewer]

[high-fructose-porn-syrup]

[crazy-brazilian]

[spellinwaiting]

not many people know this but when talking about your multiple pronoun-using friend you build up a combo meter for every subsequent unique pronoun you use

[specialagentartemis]

Character has a PhD: they’re really smart and knowledgable about their field!

Character has 2 PhDs: either they did a dual degree program and are braggy about it, had a life-changing experience after their first degree and pivoted their whole career, or they find the structure of being a PhD student, despite all its stress, more comfortable and familiar than the stress of finding a Real Job and have a very indulgent advisor.

Character has 3 PhDs: who keeps accepting them to PhD programs. Either this person needs psychological help or their department needs to be investigated for its academic standards. Probably both

Character has 4+ PhDs: if they aren’t an undercover vampire or something then no they don’t lol

[samtf]

reblog to give a strawberry to the person you reblogged this from

[newlyy]

Not that I think all marriages are doomed but when deciding who to marry you should ask yourself “is this someone I’d want to divorce?” As in, is this someone I believe would be mature and fair, even when they’re upset and don’t particularly like me at the moment. Is this someone I could continue to trust while going through an adversarial process? And if the answer is no, don’t marry them.

[personsonable-deactivated201908]

me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

[miaislying]

Hey OP? What the FUCK does this mean?

[personsonable-deactivated201908]

decay exists as an extant form of life

[miaislying]

That’s a terrifying answer, have a nice day

[haystarlight]

THE ORIGINAL?!?!!!!!!!!;!!!!!!!!???

[smallbutcertain]

shifttok/blr arguing over the same 5 topics once a month instead of typing out the shifting storytimes that the people want to see

[learningfromlosing]

SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LOOK AT MY KITTEN IN MY SLIPPY

[kittybroker]

slippy kitty now sliding in for only $2.99!

[evilnicegirl]

this would have got 100k notes as a tumblr post in 2018

[nimcest]

That day you realized you can just beat the shit out of people until they pass out or die.

[the-stars-and-sky-above-us]

zipper: i like this finger heart better because it look like an actual human heart

zipper: it's got the little areolas at the top

me: th

me: the what

zipper: ...nope! not the word i was looking for

zipper: i meant fucking arteries

@zipper-is-ranting

[mapsontheweb]

The Pacific Ocean is huge.

[ofthefog-deactivated20241127]

If they make an earth flag it should be of this angle to piss off the most amount of people

[evilscientist3]

None Earth with South New Zealand

[crankynerdgirl]

The amount of time you have to spend on this website to still remember the Deep Lore like None Pizza with Left Beef, only to apply it to this post. Truly, boggling.