Arizona Road Adventures

I'm a Californian who's been living in Arizona for the past 11 years. I don't need any convincing to know that y'all can't drive to save your life....or others. Enjoy the ridiculousness!

[zonaroadz-blog]

So...there’s no question that EVERYBODY knows about the I-10 shootings going on these last two weeks. Starting August 29th through September 11th we have a total of 14 incidents, 11 confirmed shootings on our highways. 

Now my question to DPS is why.....WHY hasn’t anyone called the FBI yet??? Clearly this is above the state’s ability to investigate because these fuckers are still out there taunting people. I get that there have been ZERO deaths, and only ONE injury from broken glass but seriously that was a scrape...she’s not hospitalized. The signs and the heavy police presence on the freeways aren’t making anyone feel better. 

In fact, it’s making Arizona more paranoid and idiotic when it comes to driving on the freeway. Everyone wants to get to where they need to be as soon as possible. While I’m a little on the cautious side...I got shit to do and I really don’t have time to put myself or others in danger just to “hurry and get off the freeway”. It’s stupid.

At this time, there are two individuals who are being questioned in relation to these incidents. However, I would rather them not tell us they are questioning someone until they are CERTAIN this person or these individuals are directly related and have caused these incidents. Too much to ask? Don’t get my hopes up. Maybe Mesa PD should jump in...they get shit done!

[zonaroadz-blog]

August 24, 2015

Happy Monday!!!

Well…as happy as Monday can get. I saw the funniest shit today, and it wasn’t an idiot driver. I was at the gas station and I noticed the driver of the car in front of me was hella tall….I mean like HELLA TALL. But he had a teeny car…a Toyota Matrix. Or maybe he just made that car look teeny. Anyway, we finished at the same time and as we get to the end of the driveway I noticed his license plate read “610Ginger” with appropriate letters missing to fit the 7 characters…but I was dead laughing because he was for real 6'10"…had to be, and he was a ginger (redhead for y'all who really don’t know). He made my day tho lol. I was hoping my pump would finish first so I could get a pic on snapchat but he finished right before me 😔😔😔

[zonaroadz-blog]

August 17th, 2015

Ohh Monday...how we love you so AM commute: I love the moment when two freeways join and the quick decisions that cars make in fear of their sudden lane ending, except when the 101 and the 202 join up north there's still quite a bit of lane for y'all to remain in. Well this time 4 cars decided it was a brilliant idea to all get over at the same time. Surprisingly all using their indicators 👏👏. But wait, now they decide to get pissed at each other because they all got over at the same time...so let's cut off and piss off some other cars in the process 😂. Oh arizona... PM commute: So I'm off work now and I'm not necessarily in the "rush hour" bucket...i m on the freeway before it begins (2:15). However, it's Monday and y'all find it necessary to freak out for whatever reason, so here goes. Broadway curve right before the 60 on ramp...y'all know that's the slow zone just because of merging...well today we are going slow for NO REASON AT ALL. In fact, the only thing on the side of the road was a lonely Civic with his hazards on. Hmmm..hey guys let's all stop and stare! Let's continue down the freeway a bit and we've reached the 1-10 and Ray....y'all know this backs up a bit starting here for everyone getting off on chandler and those getting on the 202. Indecisive van decides its a genius idea to change lanes once, twice...no five times because he doesn't know where the fuck he's going!!! Cutting off everyone and their future spouses and unborn children in the process.

[zonaroadz-blog]

August 7, 2015

18 Days

Congratulations Arizona, it’s been 18 days since your last incident….not to say you haven’t had any incidents, but none of those I have personally witnessed.

For instance this week a motorcyclist died on the I-10. News said he was traveling at 100mph weaving in and out of traffic before he ran into the back of a minivan. The bike burst into flames and he was of course ejected from the impact. He was pronounced dead upon arrival to the hospital. Driver of the minivan sustained minor injuries.

I have passed a few notable idiots, however their stories aren’t worthy of being mentioned here on zonaroadz. I’m sure here in the next few weeks as we get rain and the weather rolls in I’ll have tons of idiocy for y'all. Stay tuned!! 😜😜😜

[zonaroadz-blog]

July 20,2015

On the Road Again:

It seems like my street corner has the most idiots...if you didn’t see the “wrong side of the road scion” check it out.

So I’m on my street home...and a white Dodge Ram cuts off the gold Grand Am (no indicator), so Grand Am gets pissed and goes into the left lane and quickly cuts off the Dodge Ram (using the wrong indicator). So I’m now behind the Dodge Ram....who now decides its a good time to make a right turn, again not using indicator. REALLY?! But it’s so close to your hands....just a flick! “Look at the flicka da finga” <---- yea because it wouldn’t be your wrist...ya know...ya know.

[zonaroadz-blog]

July 16, 2015

Holy fucking shit.. Ok picture this. I'm driving on a street and I'm about to make a left turn onto a pretty wide street. It's late at night so I'd like to assume that this street I'm turning onto with cars at a red light are where they should be...ya know because that's the rules of the road. NO! JUST FUCKING KIDDING. Here sits a Scion XB...or as I like to call them "toasters" in the leftmost lane, with it's left turn signal on....ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD. Then...oh...just then, it has the nerve to honk at ME?! Like ok, are you honking because you think I'm gonna hit you?? Or are you honking to let me know you're on the wrong side of the road like a fucking dumbass. Did you not see the white lights directly in front of you because I'm sure when the light turns green they would like their side of the road back. Classic Arizona...classic

[zonaroadz-blog]

Sitting at this stoplight for the freeway ...enjoying the sunrise and I shit you not a bird landed on my car! Saw him fly up and a half second later his scratchy little feet land on my car.

[zonaroadz-blog]

July 14, 2015

Note to self: always use the Starbucks Drive Thru, it is actually faster

Now as I’m leaving Starbucks…mind you it is a small sort of zig zag parking lot shared with another store…and at 5:30am that shared parking lot is typically empty. People like to cut across to get straight to the lot in front of SB. Well…it sure helps when cars don’t coordinate their zig zags across the lot and nearly crash into each other right? I mean that very expensive and clean brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee almost hit that poor little 1999 Toyota Corolla. I think grandma really needed her caffeine fix otherwise I’d like to think she’d be a little bit more aware? Maybe? Nah…it’s Arizona after all. All the while I’m sipping my Venti Caramel Ribbon Crunch Frappuccino waiting for these idiots to get it together…but that’s none of my business tho.

[zonaroadz-blog]

July 13, 2015

Ohhhh Monday:

Surprisingly the morning commute was peaceful, it’s the evening rush hour that was interesting. 

1. First we have the Infinity, and oh she’s a mighty bold one. She decides it’s permissible to cut across 3 lanes because “oops, I forgot I need to get on the freeway” cutting me off in the process into a less than desired hard break. She proceeds to fix her hair in the rear-view mirror, all that excitement must have you looking disheveled.

2. Next up we have the Ford Explorer, cruising below the city limits as we’re approaching a corner. Now I’m gonna make the assumption that he doesn’t know what an indicator is...because...well...y’all just don’t know. NO, he does one better and sticks his hand out the window and points to the right, “indicating” that he’s making a right turn. I couldn’t help but laugh. 

[zonaroadz-blog]

How to Drive in Phoenix

HOW TO DRIVE IN PHOENIX:

You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: FEE-NICKS'. There are other names to learn such as Awatukee (Ah-wa-Too-Kee) but that will be included in the advanced course.

The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to at least match the highway number. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.

Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the 'I-10' are the same road. SR202 is the same road as The Red Mountain FWY. Dunlap and Olive are the same street too. Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street. SR 101 is also the Pima FWY except west of I-17, which is also The Black Canyon FWY, and The Veterans Memorial HWY. Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd. but, Cactus Rd. doesn't become Thunderbird Rd. because it dead ends at a mountain.

If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally activated.

If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off' accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands.

[zonaroadz-blog]

July 1, 2015

So there’s an accident two exits ahead on the US-60…I know this because there’s a SIGN that reads “crash at Dobson, HOV lane blocked” so tell me why I see all these people getting over to the fast or HOV lane?!?! Now I knew AZ couldn’t drive but y'all can’t read either????

Now about the crash…guy hit the median head on at about a 45 degree angle…I’m curious… looked like they were ok though.

[zonaroadz-blog]

June 30, 2015

Arizona road adventures:

1. Saw a license plate "OHBACON" - love it!!

2. Douchebag Camaro tried to speed past me only to get stopped at a red light. I laughed so hard!!!😂😂😂😂 and caught a glimpse of him in the side view mirror watching me laugh at him. Awwww bahahahaha