Zymomonas mobilis

just a little alcohol-producing bacteria (which is cool because producing alcohol is mostly the domain of yeasts and not bacteria but I’m special like that)

[zymomonasmobilis]

[anthonysperkins]

“He must have fucked a lot of women in that huge car of his. It’s like a bed on wheels. It must smell of semen.” “It does.” “Do you find him attractive?” “He’s very pale. Covered with scars.” “Would you like to fuck him, though, in that car?” “No. But when he’s in that car he–” “Have you seen his penis?” “It looks like it’s badly scarred… from a motorcycle accident.” “Is he circumcised? Can you imagine what his anus looks like? Describe it to me. Would you like to sodomize him? Would you like to put your penis right into his anus? Just thrust it up his anus? Tell me. Describe it to me. Tell me what you would do. How could you just kiss him in that car? Describe how you’d reach over… and unzip his greasy jeans… take out his penis. Would you kiss it or suck it right away? Which hand would you hold it in? Have you ever sucked a penis? Do you know what semen tastes like? Have you ever tasted semen? Some semen is saltier than others. Vaughan’s semen must be very salty.”

James Spader and Elias Koteas in Crash (1996) dir. David Cronenberg

[json-derulo]

phrases which, if you hear them come out of your own mouth or anyone else’s, should prompt you to pause and reevaluate your situation:

- “We don’t have time to follow the official procedure.”

- “I can cut my own bangs.”

- “Do you think I should be wearing eye protection right now?”

- “I’ll just trim up my bangs real quick before we leave.”

- “You marked that one as “flammable,” right?

- “How long could it possibly take to properly trim my own bangs? Five minutes?”

[youforgivehowgodforgives]

we need to normalize two little kittens going on a walk no bib no crib no problem

[youforgivehowgodforgives]

we need to normalize this right now

[hornestoothgap]

T. Kingfisher - What Stalks the Deep

[apollo-cackling]

[transcript:

"That is horrifying and I want to go home," I said, although I pronounced it, "Ah. I see."

/end transcript]

[frogmp3]

one time we were listening to fleetwood mac in the car and my sister who was probably 4 at the time asked, without being prompted, “can girls marry girls?” and THAT is the power of stevie nicks

[prokopetz]

Survival-themed cyberpunk RPG where instead of weapons having durability, you need to purchase subscriptions for each of your weapons, which deplete based on how much damage you inflict. Hit points exist in-universe as a value calculated by your weapons' built-in biometric scanners to meter subscription usage. You can top up a weapon's subscription credits at conveniently located kiosks, or "bank" extra credits beyond a given weapon's rated capacity by carrying gift cards.

[prokopetz]

If you hurt someone by hitting them with a rock or some other non-networked object, this is a serious felony – not because of the violence, but because due to a series of obscure legal precedents, using an object with no associated weapon subscription to cause measurable harm counts as circumventing copy protection.

[flying-butter]

What about beating someone to death with a firearm? Is that considered jailbreaking?

[prokopetz]

Assuming the gun has a linked weapon subscription, it just deducts from your credits in the usual fashion. Remember, you're being charged per hit point of damage inflicted, not per shot fired; the biometric monitors don't care how you inflicted them, as long as it was done using a weapon with an up-to-date subscription.

(Of course, the trick is, if you're firing the gun, it can helpfully prevent you from going over your credit limit by refusing to chamber the next round. If you're just pistol-whipping people senseless, you need to keep an eye on the readout manually!)

[kingofinfinitespace]

[dizzyhslightlyvoided]

(via op)

[not-terezi-pyrope]

It's freaky how the brain will just plasticly learn novel motor output interfaces on the fly. It's almost like instead of hard coding a control scheme for anatomy that changes every few million years the strat that brains went for was to be openly reconfigurable to fit around whatever its nerves seem to be hooked up to via observed feedback.

I think they've done tests on this by getting people to pilot novel bodies in VR. But you don't tend to notice it day to day until something weird happens like just now. I was reading a paper book and it had a line of text blacked out as if redacted. Instinctively I go to move my cursor over the black line to see if I can read any text if I highlight it.

Except it's a book and not my computer screen, so the cursor my brain thinks it's moving across my field of vision in front of me doesn't exist. At the same time, my right hand is making a bunch of small involuntary movements next to me. I didn't intend to move it and didn't even notice it was moving until I saw it with my eyes. What I intended to move was my Cursor, something that my brain had learned to understand that it has, and the way it moves this is by actuating the muscles in my right arm, an action that is entirely disconnected from any intent to move my arm, which is a different thing.

I love being a pattern atop this eldritch mess of neurons, it's great

[pfaugh]

father I cannot click the book

[nunjournal]

These Jezebel commenters are right and they should say it

[katelyn-danger]

I know you mean the Magazine, but it’s funnier to imagine you calling these two commenters Whores.

[tpwrtrmnky]

Fucking incredible that this is the first example they used lmao

[beardedmrbean]

[oneheadtoanother]

wassup

[aropride]

this was written 100 years ago but it reads like a post i would make on my tumblr blog in 2026

[sergle]

this is the thing I was talking about where people are playing with their cats the way that cats play with eachother lmao

[feeshies]

Funny growing up in the late 2000s and seeing constant "don't text and drive" warnings, PSAs telling us to put our phones down behind the wheel, wait until you're home to send that text, a phone-distracted driver is a deadly driver etc etc

Only for modern car manufacturers to be like "we made the car a phone :) now you have to text and drive to change the radio station :)"

[stealingpotatoes]

for some reason my cat always acts surprised and sniffs me when i pet him even if he's literally sat on me

[teathattast]