I recently changed schools and am struggling to find friends. I'm a sophomore, but I'm in advanced classes so I'm with juniors and seniors sometimes, none of which want to talk to me. At lunch I don't know anyone to sit with, and usually end up only eating a sandwich and leaving because I get super bad social anxiety. Not having people in my life at school is really lowering my confidence and self esteem. I don't know what to do, help!
I recently answered a question like this yesterday. So I will give you advice, but you should definitely read this before you carry on with my post.
https://00-dear-l-00.tumblr.com/post/164461619342/i-struggle-to-make-friends-usually-im-pretty
Have you been recently diagnosed with social anxiety? Or have you been diagnosed ages ago? Are you on medications? If you have no medications for your anxiety, I highly recommend you do so, and if they are not helping you any way, get stronger medications. If you have not been diagnosed with it, and feel you have bad social anxiety, please go see a professional.
Before you start trying to make friends however, spend time working on yourself. Practice with your sibling, parent, cousin to make a conversation. Improve yourself, fix what you don’t like or what you consider a ‘’flaw’’
I’m maybe guessing you don’t know who to sit with, because if you sit in the wrong place, people are going to laugh at you, or you feel embarrassed. Screw that. Screw what people think! do what you want. To make new friends, you need to be a friend yourself. Go sit with whoever you want, I recommend you to sit with a smaller group, or even one or two people. Small things go big.
People may not want to talk to you, because you not having friends is lowering your self esteem and confidence already, is reflecting. People want to be around positive, happy people. And that sucks I know. Positive things will attract to you, if you be positive. To be positive, you need to start being positive, acting positive, thinking positively. You will make friends, good genuine ones. Repeat this everyday to yourself:
I attract good people into my life.
I will have loads of good friends.
Emphasis on the good, you want to have real relationships.
Are you afraid of getting rejected to people when you talk? You never know what happens until you try. Put yourself out there, every time you talk to someone, direct eye contact, breathe in and out, muster up something. Something random, it can be anything. Compliment their hair, if they’re wearing a band-tee, say that’s cool and what band? Ask what they like doing on the weekend, and if they would like to join you. Act genuine, listen to them, talk about them. Even if its small talk, pat yourself on the back. Even if nothing really comes of it every little attempt to reach out is a triumph.
Make sure that once you’ve met an acquaintance, try to further the relationship. Get contact information, if you have social media add them. Ask for their phone number. If you get invited to an event, don’t turn it down, no matter if its something you don’t like or its not really your style, go with it. It’s better then nothing right? If you turn down people a lot, they’re just going to stop asking you. But remember, don’t wait for the acquaintance to ask you. You have to offer yourself, it may be challenging, you must show an effort towards them.
Its hard when you’ve moved, and people already have core groups and friendships, so most feel like they don’t need to branch out, and create new friendships. Some maybe because they feel comfortable in the friendships that they have now, and don’t feel pressured to accidentally say the wrong thing, or even be themselves. There’s nothing wrong with you, and I’m sure its not personal that they don’t bother to get to know you.
Also, if you’re going to make friends, you need to be yourself. if they don’t like that, or that you have SAD then don’t spend one second on them. A good friend does not judge, gossip, or criticize.
Another tip, once you make friends don’t forget you also need to be independent. You cannot rely on friends to make you feel better. Some may find it annoying, and phrase you as ‘’clingy’’. You must be comfortable by yourself, if you just rely on friends your going to put too much pressure on your friends. They have their own lives, and just because their not in yours 24/7 doesn’t mean its all over.
Lastly, once you make friends, enjoy yourself! However, just a reminder, some friendships don’t always last. So if you find yourself in a toxic friendship, drop them immediately. Its not good for your mental health and will just be a waste of time.
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