But in those too addicting vertical dramas Kasey Esser looks so much like the actor for JB Hunnicutt from M*A*S*H* and I have no one in my life that will understand what I'm talking about
Let's talk some mental health. I've got advice I wish people told me along with personal ranting I just have to get off my chest.
It will be a lot so I'll try and make it look more visually pleasing than a wall of text.
*Please keep in mind I am not a doctor or anyone with health or mental health training. I'm just someone that's been struggling with mental health for a LONG time and my advice is meant to be advice, not medical conclusions or anything. So please do your own research for anything I say*
TW: Su I, death mentioned, depression, anxiety, OCD, spirals, Bipolar II, descriptions of intrusive thoughts (maybe with gore), probably more this me while I'm real depressed so if you even think what I've already mentioned is going to give you a bad day please don't read
First and foremost, I have a piece of advice: if you don't already know, check your work FMLA policy. There are FMLA options for mental health. You can get intermittent leave (unpaid, unfortunately, unless combined with PTO or Short Term Disability), short-term disability (I believe the amount of pay during is company/insurance-related), and some other things that I probably don't know about. Remember: FMLA doesn't mean you'll get paid, it just means they can't fire you while you take it. I've had to learn about these this year as I'm dealing with some burnout and major depression spikes. Also, remember this can be filled out by your Doctor, you don't have to have a therapist right now as long as you are being actively treated.
Here's some examples/meanings in case you need them like I did (these are just the Google overviews):
* "Intermittent leave for mental health means taking protected time off in smaller, non-continuous blocks (hours, days) for managing chronic or recurring mental health conditions, like anxiety or depression, rather than one long absence, allowing work continuation with job security under laws like FMLA, often for therapy, symptom flares, or recovery"
*"Yes, you can get short-term disability (STD) for mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, or PTSD, as long as the condition is severe enough to prevent you from working and meets your specific insurance plan's criteria, requiring documentation of functional impairment and active treatment, though the process can be more complex than for physical injuries."
Now on to the more personal stuff because I just need to put it somewhere with some advice mixed in. If I remember I'll do a TL;DR for advice:
I've finally found a mental health team that feels like they listen. I am lucky enough to feel like my current therapist actually listens to me
(please if you're just starting this journey remember that you might have to shop around for the right therapist. They are not all created equal. And it might feel like it's the hardest thing to do because you have a professional disagreeing with you. Listen to me, if they are disagreeing with you and fighting back with everything you say GET A SECOND OPINION, I cannot stress this enough)
And because she actually listens to me I've been diagnosed A LOT this year.
I went from "depressed and anxious with a little bit of insomnia mixed in for flavor" to ADHD, PTSD, OCD, Bipolar 2, and autism. I think that's it, and I like to joke that I'm collecting the letters of the alphabet.
This sounds like a big jump, but trust that I've gone through the proper testing, and this is more than just my therapist's opinion.
It was actually in my very first appointment with my psychiatrist and she asks, "have you ever heard of Bipolar II?"
And no, I had not. I thought bipolar was just bipolar, and all I knew were the stereotypes and stigmatisms.
But she looked at my history and how I have been on and off different anti-depressants since 2013, and she gave me a life-changing piece of advice that I have to remind myself when I am doubting everything, and that is: If you've tried anti-depressants for this long and it doesn't feel like it's getting better? That's not depression, that's something else.
Let me say it again: If you've tried different anti-depressants for years and it feels like it isn't getting better, that's not depression, that is something else. *This is where the fact that I am NOT a doctor comes into play*
Another thing that I never thought I'd have: OCD
I thought, "I don't keep my house clean so I can't have OCD."
I HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH
OCD is not the cleaning stereotype. That is one subset and it's not even about cleaning it's about contamination (from my understanding). OCD also isn't always the "I have to do this exactly 32 times to feel better". That can absolutely be part of it, but it doesn't have to be, and that checking isn't as simple as it can seem.
Its important to remember that OCD is about fear = response. Which is such an oversimplification and an understatement for what it feels like, but yes, that is it at its core.
So a major major oversimplification might look like:
Fear: Germs/Contamination
Response: Clean, check, clean, check, clean, check spiral or ritual
*I do NOT have contamination OCD, so please correct me or share insight, please!*
There are SO many types of OCD, please do your own research about them. The crazy thing is that OCD can happen entirely in your head, so your checks and rituals can be mental.
So it might look more like:
Fear: Offending people
Response: Go over the conversation in your head, check mentally if you did anything that might offend someone, go over the conversation again, check mentally what you know about how to interact with people, go over the conversation again, think about asking someone if they think you offended someone, go over the conversation again, etc
And "Just Right" OCD
Just right OCD is what completely blew my mind, please look it up even if you think there's no way in the world that you could have it.
I personally have Pure-O OCD and Just Right OCD. But I'll get to that.
Advice that works for me with OCD:
*"What if"
If I start on a "what if" spiral that feels completely logical to me, my husband points it out. He usually says something like, "Is this OCD what ifs or is it something else?"
Another piece of advice that I actually saw on tiktok (I'll try and find the creator) that we're working on, but haven't mastered yet is: reassure once, twice, maybe three times, and then just smile.
Let me explain. OCD seeks reassurance. However, you can get in a reassurance spiral. It's hard for me to explain because I am the one feeling it and at the time it feels like I need reassurance more than I need to breathe, but I will try.
I explain better in examples:
Fear: My husband doesn't love me
Response: Ask if he loves me several times a day just to check
First time - husband: Of course, I love you
Second time - husband: I absolutely do love you
Third time - husband: Hey, I hear you and I love you, but it sounds like you're in a reassurance spiral. I do love you, but from now on today when you ask I'm not going to reassure you.
Fourth time onward- husband: *smiles at me*
Or something like that in theory, we're still working on how it should go after the third time in a way that works for us, but that's the idea.
And please remember to thank your people, it's hard for them to stop reassuring you too, especially when they just want you to feel better. In the moment, it can feel like they are being harsh, but unfortunately the only way I've seen to "treat" OCD (along with medication if needed) is ERP - Exposure and Reponse Prevention usually shortened to Exposure Therapy.
*In fact-checking myself on this, it does seem like there's other therapy methods with ERP and meds yielding the best results. The other methods can be used alongside ERP and meds. Please do your own research on everything, as I'm not well-versed in those, and I'm not a doctor.
So, unfortunately, the reassurance that others are giving you could actually be enabling your OCD. Which is wild to me. And it just makes me so mad/sad, because it's not fair.
My personal flavor of OCD? Pure-O mixed with Just Right OCD.
Pure-O is all about intrusive thought and images.
Have you ever been lying in bed at night and most nights when you close your eyes you have horrid visions? And you think maybe that was just the start of a nightmare and you were falling asleep? And you close your eyes again only to see your whole family killed in a car accident? Or someone you love drowning? Or monsters? Or something else horrid?
Let's just say some of my "insomnia" comes from those exact situations. But it doesn't have to be when falling asleep. Another common one that I've heard and experience is visions of you harming your family or friends or loved ones. You would never do it! Never in a million years, but you keep having visions about it.
*Note: I don't know what other word to use than visions because that's what it feels like they are. Remember they are just intrusive thoughts. An important thing about OCD and thoughts like this is that you DON'T WANT to do the things that you're seeing or thinking. You see yourself harming your family, but you know that goes against every core belief you've ever had and you love your family? It might be OCD. Another important thing that I have to remind myself all the time: Foreshadowing does not happen in real life. Just because you think it, it doesn't mean it's going to happen. Just because "if this were a movie this would be the place that we look back and regret our choices" does not mean bad things are going to happen.
For me this looks like not telling my husband I love you before we part for work or whatever. In my mind, if I don't say I love you, then he'll die, and I'll look back at this moment and remember that I should have told him I love him, and because I didn't, he'll die, and my last words to him won't be I love you. It's a big one. I'm working on it.
Or how about POCD - please look it up. My OCD is telling me if I write what it is then I'm a PDFile and logically I know that's not how it works, but emotionally I am scared so I am going to let the OCD win this one and not risk it.
I'm actually going to use that as another learning opportunity.
With my OCD telling me if I write it then it's real. That's called "magical thinking," the belief that your thoughts or words can influence the world around you. Like (this is one that I personally struggle with) if you think about a family member dying then I have to think something LOUDER so that they don't actually die or else they will die and it will be my fault. That's called "Neutralizing" trying to "fix" or "undo" the thought somehow.
Or I fall into another OCD thing - Just right OCD
Where I have to pray to God (I'm an atheist, so it doesn't even make sense) or the universe, and I have to say everything "just right," or God might think that I actually want that family member to die.
I like to call this my genie thinking or my monkey paw thinking. Where you have to word everything "just right" so that your wish doesn't become twisted and cursed somehow.
Anyway, I've been writing on this for about 2 hours now, and while I feel that this is very important even if no one else reads, I think I need a break.
I'm going to go ahead and post this and update this when I am ready or maybe make a part 2. I don't know.
TL;DR Advice
Look up your work's FMLA policy - intermittent leave and STD (Short Term Disability) can be taken for mental health.
Shop around for therapists - even if it's hard
Get a second opinion until you find someone that listens
Mental Health sometimes requires a team - therapist, psychiatrist (meds mostly), and PCP (Personal Care Physician)/NP (Nurse Practitioner), and remember therapist ≠ psychiatrist
If you've tried different anti-depressants for years and it feels like it isn't getting better, that's not depression, that is something else.
Depressed all the time? Meds seem like they're not working? Research Bipolar II
OCD can be purely mental and doesn't have to show physical rituals - I beg you. Even if you think you don't have it, just google examples of mental OCD checks and see if it could fit for you and then dive deeper into research. It honestly changed so much of my life.
Look up Pure-O OCD and Just Right OCD
OCD? Watch for "what ifs" - this just might be me personally, but "what if" is a good flag for hey this might be OCD talking. Not always, but good to be aware of
OCD - Reassurance spirals - please look it up. It's going to be hard, but you have to learn to get out of them (I'm still working on it)
AO3 should have an Annotation Mode where you can click to view all of the author's commentary and thoughts about certain parts of the work. A little comment that says "I spent five hours researching vintage radio mechanics for this and didn't even end up using it" or "this is an ancient Hebrew literary technique!" would make my day
every day I learn bot comments on ao3 are stooping lower and lower
anyway if you get a comment like this, chances are that they are bot and their goal is to do whatever it takes to get you to delete your work, most certainly (from what I’ve heard) it’s because they want to “safely” steal your work, use it to train their ai without you being able to rightfully claim ownership of your work since “there’s no proof that the work was stolen/was posted elsewhere first by you” because the original source has already been deleted.
THEY ARE ALL BOTS. at first it was “ao3 is deleting fics and your entire account will be affected unless you delete the fics yourself” then it was “this work contains contents that are illegal and they have already reported you and your fic to the police” (yes, that’s how desperate these bots are), and now it’s this.
report their comments to ao3 for spam—in this case, specifically, I think you may be able to report them for harassment too—and don’t pay attention to them, most importantly don’t delete your works, don’t feel discouraged by their comments. remember that they are bots and they mass comment something like this on people’s works at random to get people to delete their works. (or even if they’re not bot, they are still pathetic bullies who don’t deserve your time or attention.)
MORE ABOUT BOTS AND SCAMS PLAGUING AO3’S COMMENTS SECTION HERE
thank you ao3 for being an archive and not an algorithm. thank you for letting me like things without consequences, thank you for being free with no ads, thank you for having lawyers to defend our freedom of speech. thank you tag wranglers. thank you to all authors and thank you ao3
On social media and business cards you have www.xyz123.com or something.
And when you go there it is just the most atrocious website. It looks bad, some of the buttons don't work, it loads weird and slow.
And in the top corner there's a constant button that looks way better than the rest of the website and says "Trouble with our website? Click here"
And when they click on the button it takes them to www.therealxyz123.com
The first thing is a giant picture of you and a slogan. Something like "can you imagine the last website being your company website? It won't be, but only if you hire me!" [insert legal caveat]
And it's the exact same website but looks 100% better and works and loads and is flawless.
I also have an idea for a designer of print outs and whatnot? I'm not sure what the name is of that person.
But they hand out a business card and it says the same thing on both side except one side looks plain and tacky, then the other side looks very polished and professional, and finally "side A is if you hire someone else, this side is just a fraction of what I can offer"
As soon as I feel like I've "run out" of interior design inspiration, another wonderful modder plops the most gorgeous furniture pack on Nexus and I'm re-inspired again ❤️
If you haven't checked out Platinum Cats' furniture mods then you need to get over to Nexus and download them ASAP! The new furniture featured here is from PC's new Victorian Furniture pack and I'm in LOVE.
prguitarman
amandla
yousharknotpass
turnnoffyourmind
