this is actually HILARIOUS because both domestic rabbits and domestic cats practice dominance-related social grooming but for wildly different reasons.
if you're a rabbit, the boss rabbit is the one who gets groomed by its subordinate rabbits.
but if you're a cat... the boss cat is the one that grooms the other cats.
BOTH these idiots are going "aw yeah, it's good to be on top >:) "
lee chan has spent years surviving the overstimulation that comes with being pi cheolin’s grandson, so after publicly announcing that his beloved grandson will someday inherit the entire BOMG empire, chairman pi cheolin celebrates the occasion the only way he knows how (his typa dinner). but beneath all the absurdity, one thing has always remained the same— pi cheolin loves his grandson more than anything else in the world.
chairman!pi cheolin × grandson!lee chan ⋅ 1,911 words
🍖 GENRE/S. non-idol au, slice of life, comedy
🍖 CONTENTS. BOMG mentioned, pi cheolin and chan are two different ppl btw, pi cheolin & chan grandfather-grandson relationship, completely platonic, front page of a newspaper, favouritism, running gag of cheap but rich lifestyle. feat: fe dback (seungkwan), jo eulho (hoshi), cel brity (mingyu), yoo danja (minghao), yoon nieun (jeonghan) & jo giyeok (joshua)
⚠️ WARNINGS. mild profanity, secondhand embarrassment, overstimulation, financial jokes, mention of wanting to choke with no physical harm, overall warm and comedic. please do not attempt to calculate the timeline logic of a 58 year old pi cheolin being the biological grandfather of a 27 year old lee chan. the math doesn’t math!! in this timeline laws are just suggestions and logic went out the window years ago, and chairman pi makes the rules. leave your brain at the door and have fun!
🍖 A/N. there you go chee @nothoughtsjustfic, probably not as good as you hoped for but I have nothing more to say. To readers, please enjoy! standard disclaimer that this is not proofread. i walked 10k steps and did a thousand things today, so my energy is at absolute zero and this is the best it's getting! i also fear the math still does not add up… that's a problem for future historians, not me. but in reality, this is just me exploring what it would feel like if your grandfather was rich, unhinged, handsome, funny, and also your single biggest financial liability. enjoy! divider from @cafekitsune
Grease is beginning to stain the corner of the slightly folded newspaper where someone carelessly put their plate down.
“BOMG TYCOON PI CHEOLIN DESIGNATES SOLE SUCCESSOR IN—”
Chan is staring at it, fed up with all of this shit.
Across from him, a grill sizzles. Welcome to the celebration dinner, which is just Pi Cheolin’s way of saying: expensive news, cheap restaurant.
“WHY IS THERE A ₩2,000 EXTRA CHARGE FOR SIDE DISH REFILLS?!” Fe Dback yells, stabbing the poor receipt. “THIS IS GRANDSON FAVORITISM SPENDING!!”
Pi Cheolin calmly pours himself water from a metal kettle. “It is not favoritism, to me it is a wise investment.”
“INVESTMENT DOESN’T MEAN YOU BUY CHAN A SPECIAL HIGH END RICE BOWL THAT COSTS MORE THAN MY EXISTENCE—”
“It has value.”
Chan lowers his head onto the table, “please stop using me as a financial concept.” The dishes here are exceptionally cheap compared to any other small restaurant nearby, but cost isn’t the issue. It’s the fact that he’s spending everything on Chan while he himself is a stingy old man who rarely spends unless he absolutely has to, but he’s still spending on Chan without a second thought. He could’ve taken them somewhere better, but Chan doesn’t care. He’s always been spoiled by his grandfather, Pi Cheolin, anyway, and that’s exactly how they ended up here.
At the far end of the restaurant, things escalates vertically.
Jo Eulho is standing on a plastic stool, yelling, “this is EXACTLY how I performed at the National Singing Contest!” he announces proudly. He succeeded in the audition and even managed to win first place… somehow. “I ASCENDED— LIKE THIS— AND HIT THE HIGH NOTE—” The stool wobbles.
“GET DOWN BEFORE YOU BECOME A NEWS ARTICLE,” Cel Brity hisses as he scrambles to grab his arm while simultaneously trying not to drop three plates of meat and dignity at once.
“I WILL NOT BE SILENCED BY FLOOR BASED AUTHORITY!” Jo Eulho declares.
“You are literally one centimeter away from becoming floor based authority.”
From Brity’s peripheral vision, he sees that the restaurant owner is slowly approaching with the expression of a man extremely disappointed. That’s when Brity knows he needs to drag Eulho down from the stool.
Chan turns his head toward the most peaceful corner of the table where, as always, two people have achieved enlightenment… through laziness.
Yoon Nieun and Jo Giyeok sit there calmly, existing at the absolute minimum requirement. A pair of chopsticks is placed between them while a grill plate sits untouched. With the look on their faces, Chan knows they are waiting strategically, again, waiting for someone to step on their bait.
Dback points an angry finger at both of them, “WHY ARE YOU TWO NOT HELPING?!”
Nieun replies without missing any syllable, “Lazy.” (Meaning: I am lazy and conserving my energy and have assigned all physical labor to others.)
Giyeok tags along, nodding, “Leave, yellow.” (Meaning: We will leave soon to take a yellow bus that needs walking to the bus stop and therefore cannot participate in active tasks now.)
“Hm,” Nieun nods as well. (Meaning: I totally agree with what he said.)
Dback just screams into the void at this point. He’s starting to feel like the only last functioning brain left at the table… other than Brity, probably, and it’s visibly frustrating him. “…You know what, it’s my fault, IT’S MY FAULT— I don’t even wanna understand whatever language this is anymore.”
Chan’s lips are parted, frozen in the middle of a disbelieving sigh as he tries to process the sheer lack of brain cells currently operating in the room.
He looks on from the side, the line of his jaw tight as he watches the absolute circus unfold across the table. The warm overhead lights catch the slight sheen of sweat on his forehead and the textured fringe of his dark hair, giving him the exhausted aura of a tired warrior who is trying to survive a battle only to realize he's trapped in a comedy sketch.
His eyes are fixed on the chaos in front with an unblinking focus with soul deep disappointment. There's no anger left in him anymore about everything that just happened this past week— only resignation.
He looks absolutely drained, his eyelids drooping with fatigue that has absolutely nothing to do with the hour and everything to do with the people around him. “…I don’t understand how this became my life,” Chan says quietly in a tiring sigh.
Pi Cheolin places meat on the grill with solemn care, “because you inherited it,” he added with a little excitement.
“That’s not how inheritance works, granddad ,” he sighs again with a slight annoyance and frustration in his tone.
Pi Cheolin tightens his lips before saying, “... but that is exactly how BOMG works.”
Chan decides not to reply, feeling a little guilty at the thought that he might’ve made his dear granddad sad by sounding like the spoiled brat Dback always claims he is. He knows that their relationship might not be the most socially traditional granddad-grandson relationship, and Pi Cheolin definitely goes over the top for him, but he also knows that just how much he’s loved as a grandson no matter how bratty or rude he gets; he never doubted how loved he is. Pi Cheolin has always been the same with him— never truly taking anything to heart when it comes to his beloved grandson.
Metal tongs clatter as Sungkwan is still arguing with Nieun and Giyeok (who already entered a state of passive existence and silence so advanced it borders on art). Eulho is still negotiating with gravity, while Brity has accepted his fate that he’s going down with Eulho when his pain finally snaps and chokes him.
Chan just sits there embarrassed, overwhelmed and most importantly, quiet, fiddling with his rice.
“There,” a piece of perfectly grilled meat is placed gently onto his rice bowl. Chan looks up to see Pi Cheolin holding the tongs. For once, his granddad isn’t being too overwhelming for him. “You did not ask for any of this,” he says with that old man insightful smile, “But I’m glad you are still here.”
Chan doesn’t answer again… mainly because he can’t quite figure out what emotion is in his chest.
Pi Cheolin pushes the rice bowl slightly closer. “…Eat well,” he smiles. “My grandson.”
A second pass, then Chan gives a shy embarrassed smile anyway, “…you’re paying for this, right?”
Pi Cheolin immediately frowns, but still smiling as he takes a napkin from the table and stands up to go somewhere else, “of course not.”
Dback screams from across the table, “THIS IS WHY THE COMPANY IS LIKE THIS!!!”
“bird chirping noises,” Pi Cheolin makes Dback shut the fuck up.
“Thank you, granddad ,” Chan stands up, crossing the short distance to wrap his arms around the older man in a tight hug. He buries his face into the crook of his shoulder, pouring all his unsaid gratitude into the hold, “for everything.”
For a few long seconds, Pi Cheolin’s arms still hang at his sides without any reciprocation as his weathered frame freezes under the sudden PDA. He just stands there taking the warmth of the hug while his eyes stare blankly over Chan’s shoulder as if the just the sincerity of the gesture has caught him completely off guard, making him momentarily speechless.
Then, the spell breaks. Pi Cheolin takes out a soft gruff breath that sounds suspiciously like a chuckle. He now brings a heavy hand up, landing a series of solid comforting pats against Chan’s back. “Alright, alright, brat,” his voice a little hoarser than usual as he gives him one last squeeze before nudging him back, “don't make it weird.”
Chan giggles, as Pi Cheolin looks at him lovingly and smoothen a hand over his hair.
Dback goes silent for once but still visibly offended by the existence of emotions but clearly going, awwwhhhh, internally, sitting back while saying, “gross,” but still not interrupting the moment.
Brity just goes, “wow,” as he claps in slow motion to comedic effect, while Eulho is unusually not singing anymore and reacts like he just saw a live performance of peak storytelling as he nods in impressed approval.
Nieun and Giyeok watch the exchange with an unreadable hum and a faintly adoring gaze, choosing silence over anything else again, while casually reaching for meat like nothing happened.
Pi Cheolin looks around to find them watching, so he tilts his sunglasses down just a bit to reveal his eyes as his posture straightens. He leans forward toward Chan as the corner of his mouth lifts into a playful smile. At the same time, he gives a quick wink as he maintains eye contact, “sarangui nunbit.”
“Oh my god,” Chan chuckles while everyone else can just just sigh or just go along with them.
“So you’ll never change,” a voice suddenly came from the entrance as everyone looks that way. Yoo Danja’s. “Why was I not invited?”
“Why are you being nosey in other people’s business?” Pi Cheolin retorts. On the side, Chan is enjoying the show for the irony; considering his granddad is the one who appears in everyone’s business.
Yoo Danja sighs as if he has already made peace with ruining the atmosphere, pulls out a chair, and sits down.
The moment he sits, the mood is back to their normal again. Pi Cheolin doesn’t look surprised, but only mildly irritated as this is a recurring inconvenience he never agreed to.
“Still acting like you didn’t ruin things with Chunsun?” Danja says.
Pi Cheolin doesn’t even bother to look up from the grill, “still acting like she chose you?” he replies flatly, grabbing Chan’s arm to make him sit down with him.
That earns a scoff. Danja leans back offended but not surprised, “she didn’t choose either of us. That’s the point you always ignore.”
Chan turns his head between them, caught between two men whose hearts were broken once upon a time. But it’s a very common topic between these two. “Why is this still a conversation?”
Dback groans into his hands, “NO. No, no, no. I refuse to be present for ancient relationship trauma at a BBQ.”
Brity quietly flips a piece of meat on his own and serves Eulho and himself, “you already know what to do. Just… don’t make eye contact and maybe it’ll pass.”
Eulho, however, is fully invested as always. He enjoys watching them argue over a woman who, back in their youth, couldn’t have cared less about either of them. “Fight, fight, fight!”
Nieun takes the newspaper off the table, “always.” (Meaning: It’s always Chunsun.)
“Again.” (Meaning: It’s Chunsun again.) Giyeok takes a mouthful of cold ramen and nods with Nieun.
As Danja’s voice slightly rises, he yells, “you act like you were the victim.”
Pi Cheolin finally looks at him as he touches his hat, “I was the one who had to explain your existence to her father.”
“That’s not even—” Danja starts.
“It is,” Pi Cheolin cuts in.
Chan sighs, very tired from this same conversation every time. “Can we not do this during dinner?”
Dback with his hands clasped, slumps down on a chair, “YES. THANK YOU. SOMEONE NORMAL.”
“No.” Pi Cheolin and Danja both together at the same time.
The table falls silent before Brity mutters, “I’m going to need more meat for this.”
rocky’s design notes from james ortiz’ instagram :) going insane at the reason rocky put two arms together when giving his name was to show his family crest
Well, you know what they say; if you can’t get the body you want with surgery or hormones, you can always try latex prosthetics and special effects makeup
actually hate that the bodys response to anything is nausea. ate too much? nauseous. ate too little? nauseous. an imaginary threat got you scared? be nauseous. on your period? you guessed it. sawed into your hand and need to go to the emergency room? perhaps throwing up into your open wound will be of help
fandom etiquette as a whole died when people who didn’t grow up on fandoms became stans during lockdown, yes, but why am i seeing people openly mocking fics on twitter. why am i seeing screenshots of fics with captions like “bro what is this 😭.” why am i seeing people mock fic writers for not knowing how sports or theater or college or any other organization operates in the real world.
“college is absolutely nothing like this” “why are we writing four people on the team scoring a hat trick in one game” “so tech work is nothing like this, hope that helps!”
if you don’t like a fic, and if you can’t suspend your belief enough to enjoy a fic that exaggerates or ignores real-world orgs, you don’t have to read it. you don’t have to screenshot it and put it on blast for twitter. you don’t have to post a link to it in the replies. the back button is literally there on your phone. it’s not giving baby’s first fandom anymore, it’s giving entitled asshole and it isn’t as cute as you think it is.
I was in a school play but my only job was to pretend to be a corpse in the background the whole time. I would just lay on the floor with my back turned to the audience. Only at the VERY END did I get to get off the floor and sing a single line.
I want all animals to become sapient enough to produce art specifically because I want to see what sort of sex homunculus caricature each species would create if given the ability to draw
Like we've already got the anime waifu with the needle-waist and watermelon-bazonkas and borzoi-legs and bug-eyes. Now show me a fucked-up stupid beetle as drawn by a horny beetle. I want to see what a cartoonishly sexy lion looks like according to lions. I want to see the most ridiculous drawing of a peahen that would have the peacocks squaring up by the fountain.
there are a lot of really good ancient roman laws but i think my favorite is that, if you got struck by lightening and died, you couldnt have a proper burial because it meant that the gods hated you
discoholicmusic
titsay
baratheonpilled
2087
tangentwithtanner
origamiaround
