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Bilbo: I just wanted a quiet evening with my book and some tea.

Gandalf: Character development says no.

#incorrect lotr quotes #lotr #bilbo baggins #gandalf #the hobbit

Thorin: You’re overreacting.

Bilbo: You broke into my house, ate my food, threw my plates, waved axes in my sitting room, and tried to hire me as a burglar.

Bilbo: If anything, I’m under-reacting.

#incorrect lotr quotes #lotr #the hobbit #bilbo baggins #thorin oakenshield

Bilbo: You can’t just barge into someone’s home and rearrange their entire life!

Gandalf: Actually, I can.

Bilbo: Yes, well, you shouldn’t.

#incorrect lotr quotes #lotr #the hobbit #bilbo baggins #gandalf

readerwriterft

Mirkwood, in the palace of Thranduil, after Gollum's escape:

Thranduil: So, what you're telling me, is that you lost Gollum.

Legolas: 🙁

Thranduil: Lost him, up a tree, and then he was stolen by orcs.

Legolas:🫤

Thranduil: I had warned of this! And yet you insisted on taking the creature out for walks as if he was a pet!

Legolas: 😮☝️

Thranduil: A pet! And now he's off and most likely causing all sorts of mischief!!

Legolas: 😐✊

Thranduil: I ought to ground you to your chambers for the next century for this!!

Legolas: 🥺

Thranduil:

Legolas:😢

Thranduil:

Legolas:😔

Thranduil: Fine. But you're going to be the one to take the news to Lord Elrond that he escaped. I am not taking the fall for you this time.

Legolas: ☹️

Bilbo: At what point did “good morning” translate to “bring twelve armed strangers into my home and eat everything I own”?

Gandalf: In my defense—

Bilbo: There is no defense. You’ve committed hospitality crimes.

#the hobbit #bilbo baggins #Gandalf #Incorrect Lotr Quotes

telucaltainiel

legolas: Gimli has no survival skills, his need to win has replaced them.

boromir: That can't be true!

legolas: Watch this. legolas: Hey Gimli, race you to the bottom of the stairs!

gimli: *throws himself out a window*

erumelde

Sauron: I made a Ring.

Morgoth: Neat.

Sauron: But it’s EVIL.

Morgoth: …Okay?

Sauron: And if someone wears it, I CONTROL THEM.

Morgoth: Sounds cool, man.

Sauron: Also, I put a little poem on it.

Morgoth: …What?

Sauron: A little ✨ spooky ✨ poem. For the vibes.

meteors-lotr

Thorin: The first time we met, we hated each other. Bilbo: No, I didn't hate you. You hated me.

i-am-a-fish

please do something nice for yourself today. do something that makes present or future you happy please

I've put down a list of activities that might bring you joy if you need ideas but please do something that specifically makes you happy because I do not know you personally

• Fight a bear

• Fight a moose

• Fight a plane

• Fight my dad

• Fight me and my dad at the same time

• Fight 10 hawks

• Fight machines

• Fight

• Fight the earth

• Fuck space

• I meant to say Fight Space

• Fight

pukicho

Cave divers are our bravest, most useless soldiers

fivetrench

But without cave divers, who would rescue all the stuck cave divers?

pukicho

Every cave dive rescue operation involves a second, even more stuck cave diver.

pukicho

the Pinterest kids love u btw. Like a lot. Any time a screenshot of you giving advice is posted to pintrest they call u dad. Its really sweet

Hello my childrens

pukicho

Babe wake up duck in a pond

pukicho

Are you also under the tornado warning?

Sorry no, I’m the one hurling them at you

homunculus-argument

The cruelty of manhole covers is that by the time you're big and strong enough to lift one all the way off, you've also gotten old and wise enough to know that it's a bad idea to go check out what the sewers look like.