It wasn’t the best decision I ever made; it wasn’t the worst.
I don’t look back with pride or regret, merely indifference.
We have all been there, is all.
Somewhere between Who we are and who the world perceives us to be.
Those people know the concept of who I am, is all.
The choice is still mine to make, as it was then.
When I walked away from everything I ever knew, anyone who ever knew me.
Didn’t know myself, what I was capable of.
My words have always meant something to me. It’s all we have in the end.
A collection of memories and choices. Nostalgia romanticized, over and like some made for T.V. special playing over again. The first time you watch it, it’s lame, it’s annoying, complete trash.
After so long we begin to crave it, want to show new people we met as if it somehow is a part of who we are.
Merely because it was on, and we were there.
The decision I made was simple, yet the most difficult thing I have ever done.
Yet I’ve done it many times before and most likely will make that choice again.
Perhaps without my say so or not.
The choice to walk away from something or someone and not once turn to look.
Not once, call or answer.
To never again have that conversation.
To live in the memories of people I love.
People who I thought loved me.
People who don’t know what love is.
Maybe its just that our definitions are different.
Could be that no one ever knew me, is all.
Could be that I don’t understand love or know what it would look like, to anyone else but myself.
Could be that I didn’t love myself, therefore making me incapable of loving others for who they are and not who I want them to be.
All I know is how to sit with silence.
Silence that screams inside.
Silence that has no brothers, no equal, no mother, no love.
Silence that is and always was.
A quiet that feels hollow.
Emptiness that feels like home.
snowghoul
turnnoffyourmind
jbbartram-illu
germansingergirl