anyway fellow bi gals, letâs get three things clear:
typifying lesbians as mean and aggressive is an age-old, overdone lesbophobic cliche. you donât get to perpetuate that just because youâre bi or just because youâve suffered some interpersonal hurt. most lesbians are warm and loving and welcoming people and lesbians who are angry and frustrated and cynical are usually justifiably so. lesbians who are angry arenât undeserving of your love or solidarity or respect, especially because as bi girls who are angry, we ask for that same love, solidarity, and respect. you canât get solidarity if you donât reach out and reciprocate, lol.Â
we canât use the d slur. even if weâre called the d slur, that slur emerged directly as a result of lesbophobia and its primary target is lesbians. the slur punishes lesbians not just for being attracted to women but also for being attracted to ONLY women - that is, society is punishing lesbians for exclusively wanting women. mga wlw are punished differently because they are women attracted to women but not exclusively attracted to women. again, there is overlap between our marginalization, but in this specific case, lesbians are marginalized for only loving women. if you can understand that, then you should understand why lesbians rightfully donât want anyone who isnât a lesbian to use the d slur.
calling lesbians predatory is nothing short of lesbophobic. saying that they are less radical or that theyâre gross for exclusively liking women is disgusting. we are not âmoreâ radical for being mga wlw and they are not predatory for only loving women. for godâs sake. there is nothing predatory about being a woman who loves women. there is nothing predatory about being a lesbian.Â
anyone whoâs going to say that i wrote this post because of âinternalized biphobiaâ is hilariously and predictably missing the point. hereâs the thing. we ask lesbians not to enact hurt against us because of interpersonal experiences - and i absolutely agree with that. we ask lesbians not to lump us in with our oppressors (straight people) and we ask them not to blame us for hurt or oppression and we ask them not to stereotype us as greedy or annoying or obnoxious. and thatâs absolutely justifiable. but that also means that you cannot simultaneously lambast biphobic lesbians for 1) lumping us in with straight people and thus rejecting potential platonic/romantic relationships with us, 2) using terms that hurt us, and 3) stereotyping us and grouping us under a monolith WHILE ALSO being lesbophobic yourself. you donât want them to lump us in with straight people - which is correct! so donât lump lesbians in with straight people by crying about âmonosexismâ or saying that lesbians are âinherentlyâ more biphobic than straight people or saying that lesbians are âresponsibleâ for bi erasure/biphobia. you donât want them to stereotype us as adulterous or claim that weâre half-baked heterosexuals - which is again, absolutely correct! but think about it! by claiming that lesbians are predatory for only liking women, you are doing the exact same thing that biphobic lesbians do! bi women are fetishized - SO ARE LESBIANS (in fact tumblr and instagram have flagged or currently flag the lesbian tags as nsfw while they donât do that with the gay, trans, bi, or q***r tags). both lesbians and bi women are seen as porn categories and as respective âchallengesâ for straight men to overcome vs. respective âmonstersâ for straight women to avoid. so donât do the same shit straight women do to all of us by calling lesbians predatory. bi women are stereotyped as greedy and predatory - SO ARE LESBIANS. both bi women and lesbians are told that they have the âmale gazeâ for liking women. so why the fuck would you tell a lesbian that sheâs predatory for only liking women when 1) you also like women and 2) youâre also told that youâre predatory? donât you understand how much pain youâre causing? and look, when biphobic lesbians claim that bisexuals are âless radicalâ for having the capacity to be attracted to men, lesbophobic bisexuals who claim that lesbians are âlimiting themselvesâ because they only like women are using the SAME shitty logic. we are NOT more or less radical than each other. we exist in the same space as women who love women and who share similar yet different experiences - similar because we are sga, different in how we manifest that. so when youâre being lesbophobic, youâre using the same shitty circular logic that you try and argue against (in the context of biphobia). donât expect respect and nuance when you arenât willing to extend it, lmao.Â
also, please keep in mind that biphobia and lesbophobia are both derived from homophobia + misogyny and that they manifest differently, but that in both cases the perpetrators are straight people (mostly straight men). so it makes no sense to blame lesbians for that when lesbians themselves are punished and hold no privilege over us. while you go around blaming lesbians for everything, bi people continue to suffer. and i love bi women and lesbians immensely which is why i want us to do better for each other and to unite (as cheesy as that sounds). instead of pouring your energy into claiming that vocal minorities of shitty people in our communities are the Real oppressors, focus on coming together as one. itâs not at all bad to prioritize women of your specific sexuality - to me, bi women of color are at the center of my politics and i know that lesbians center other lesbians in their politics - but thatâs different from being exclusive and lesbophobic/biphobic/otherwise shitty.Â
