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Summary : Seonghwa is in his first life, Hongjoong was in his last life
Inspired by : Lana Del Rey Born to die
"You look at the me like I'm your entire world because I'm your first breathe, but I look at you and see thousand ghost of us... It isn’t fair that I found you just as I am running out of time. I wish we could have forever... But God, if I'm born to die, I'm glad I get to spend my final moment looking at you..."
Seonghwa's breath hitches, his hand trembling as he cups Hongjoong’s fading, translucent cheek.
"Don't say that," Seonghwa chokes out, tears breaking free.
ATEEZ's Seonghwa Talks About Constantly Reinventing Himself, Building His Own Identity, And More
ATEEZ’s Seonghwa recently sat down with Arena Homme Plus for a pictorial and interview!
During the interview, Seonghwa spoke about the satisfaction he gains from participating in photo shoots. He shared, “Every time I do a photo shoot, I feel more satisfied with myself. I’m currently promoting as an idol, but I think these shoots are also a way for me to develop my own identity. There’s the side of me that I show as part of ATEEZ, and then there’s the side I can show as an individual. That’s why these opportunities are so meaningful to me.”
He also spoke about his mindset of reinventing himself with every album release. He explained, “I always think about finding the version of myself that best fits ATEEZ’s music. Of course, it’s not easy. Every time, it feels like I run into a wall. It would probably be more comfortable to stick to what suits me best, but I still believe it’s important to keep challenging myself. In that sense, this promotion was another opportunity to create a new character of my own.”
Seonghwa’s full pictorial and interview can be found in the August issue of Arena Homme Plus.
Tags : fluff, fake relationship, next door neighbor, golden retriever bf x black cat gf, forced proximity, opposites attract
W.c : 3,4 k
Summary : It started with one call... You needed a fake date for one night... Turns out the only option you had was you infuriating next door neighbor Jung Yunho...
Playlist : Lovefool ; Greek God ; Treacherous ; Adore you
The email hit your inbox at 11:47 a.m. on a Tuesday-that specific type of weekday where even the smallest inconvenience feels like a declaration of war.
You stared at it for a full sixty seconds, blinking, like it might vanish if you didn't acknowledge it, rereading the subject line three times before doing the only logical thing: slamming your laptop shut like it had personally offended you.
You weren't dreading the reunion.
No. That would imply you cared. But something about the idea of standing in a rooftop bar surrounded by people you barely remembered-glowing, coupled up, overly successful in ways that made your stomach twist on itself like old cables-left a sour taste in your mouth. Because your personal life? A wasteland. A barren, Netflix-and-takeout desert. No partners. No flings. Not even a promising situationship. The most consistent thing in your life was your favorite hoodie and the Korean convenience store clerk who knew your instant ramen preference by heart.
But the real gut-punch?
He was going to be there.
Your ex.
The one who ghosted you five years ago-no explanation, no closure. Just vanished like a bad plotline in an unfinished book. And now, apparently, he was attending. Probably with some gorgeous new partner, because of course the universe wouldn't let you live.
You absolutely refused to show up as the sad, "forever loner" case study everyone would side-eye between mouthfuls of catered food. There was no way you were showing up alone. Not when people still whispered behind your back about how he left. Not when your old classmates would tilt their heads sympathetically and say, "Still single?" like it was an illness.
But you also didn't expect to be this... rattled by a college reunion. Not after surviving exams, three apartments, two job layoffs, and a breakup that taught you how cold silence could really be.
Which is how you found yourself pacing your kitchen at almost midnight, phone clutched in hand like it held the antidote to your dignity. Because apparently, it did.
You had no plans, no one to turn to but you had one solution. Not a boyfriend. Not even a date. Just the nuclear option : Jung Yunho.
Your infuriating next door neighbor. Ridiculously attractive. Annoyingly charming. Radiating with the energy of a golden retriever.
And your only option.
Ten minutes of agonizing indecision later, you gave in. Scrolled down your contacts. Hit call.
The line rang once. Twice.
"Why are you calling so late?" Yunho's voice crackled through the speaker-low, sleepy, and unfairly sexy. Of course. He sounded like sin wrapped in warmth.
You shut your eyes and took a breath. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I just... need a favor." A pause.
"I have this class reunion thing," you went on, words tumbling out before you lost your nerve. "And I don't want to show up alone. Could you come with me? As my boyfriend."
A beat. Then:
"You want me to what?"
You closed your eyes.
"Just-pretend to be my boyfriend. For one night. One weekend. Whatever it takes. Please."
Silence.
You pictured him in his apartment right across the hall, probably shirtless, one hand rubbing his neck, hair pushed back in that way he does when he's half-annoyed but intrigued.
"You realize you called me at 12:03 a.m. to ask me to be your fake boyfriend?"
"Yes. And I'm incredibly aware of how pathetic this sounds, thank you."
Another pause. Longer this time. You could practically hear him smirking. Then:
"Alright. I'm in. But I have conditions."
"Yunho-"
He cut you off smoothly.
"Come with me to my cousin's wedding in three weeks," he interrupted.
"I need someone to keep my nosy, conservative family off my back. And someone hot and sarcastic might just do the trick."
WAIT DID HE JUST CALL ME HOT ? No, don't think about that. Focus.
You snorted.
"So I'm your distraction?"
"Exactly. We're both getting something out of it."
"Fine," you said, a smile creeping into your voice.
"If it's just that, we have a deal."
A beat passed.
"And if we're doing this, I also have rules," you added firmly. "Three, to be specific."
"Of course you do."
You ignored the sass.
"Rule one: no kissing unless we're in public. And don't overdo it."
"Damn. Killing the fun at the very beginning, don't you?"
"Rule two," you said louder, "No staying the night. No crashing at each other's places. We keep our space."
"You're afraid you'll fall for me in your sleep?"
You could hear the grin in his voice.
"And rule three," you said deadpan, ignoring his teasing, "absolutely no real feelings."
"So we're playing house but emotionally constipated. Got it."
You groaned, flopping back on your couch.
"You're the worst."
"And yet," he said, voice dropping again, smooth and teasing, "you picked me."
You could practically hear him raising an eyebrow through the receiver. You didn't even need to be in the room to picture that infuriating grin. The truth was, you were more afraid of falling for him.
✧───⋆｡°❅°｡⋆☕︎˚ʚ❆ɞ˚☕︎⋆｡°❅°｡⋆───✧
The week passed in a blur of overthinking, text threads titled "Fake BF Rules (pls don't be weird)", and you making the tragic mistake of watching romantic K-dramas at 2 a.m. while stress-eating leftover garlic bread.
The night of the reunion arrived too fast- and not fast enough.
You smoothed down the fabric of your black cocktail dress in the mirror, already regretting the extra layer of lip gloss. You looked hot. Objectively. But your stomach was flipping upside down. Every time you glanced at the clock, your heartbeat doubled.
And then, a knock.
You opened the door to Yunho standing there like he belonged on a magazine cover that said something like: "How to ruin lives just by existing."
Hands in the pockets of his black slacks, a loose white shirt tucked in, sleeves rolled to his forearms, and the first two buttons open over his chest. His blonde hair peeked from beneath a backwards black cap, looking disgustingly, unfairly hot effortlessly put together in a should-be-illegal way. His expression was lazy, half a smirk.
"Hey."
You blinked. -and promptly forgot how to speak.
"You're-uh. Wow."
He grinned, eyes flicking down your figure with a quick once-over that made your skin buzz.
"You're wearing that?" he said, voice low, a little hoarse. "Guess I'm the lucky one tonight."
You coughed to hide the very real and immediate urge to drag him back into your apartment.
"I thought fake boyfriends were supposed to be humble."
"I'm a multi-talented actor," he said, stepping inside and reaching out to fix your necklace like it was the most natural thing in the world. "Humility is extra."
His fingers brushed your collarbone. You froze.
Rule #3: No real feelings. You silently reminded yourself.
His eyes skimmed you slowly, unapologetically, pausing at your neckline before meeting your gaze again.
"You're gonna make it hard to pretend this is fake."
You rolled your eyes and stepped out, locking the door behind you.
"Let's get this over with."
The reunion venue was high-end-a rooftop cocktail bar wrapped in string lights, city skyline twinkling beyond the glass. Everyone looked polished and annoyingly successful. Champagne flutes, soft jazz, and conversations that started with "So what are you up to now?" and ended with humblebrags.
Yunho laced your fingers with his the moment you stepped in, his grip warm and confident. You tensed slightly.
"We're barely through the door."
He leaned down, lips brushing your ear.
"Public, isn't it?" he murmured. "Just following rule one."
He smirked and your stomach flipped at his words. You wanted to throttle him.
You should have expected Yunho to take the role so seriously, by the time you reached your ex-classmates, his hand moved behind your back, his cologne doing criminal things to your senses, and you were wondering why your heartbeat would not calm down.
The night started in a dizzying blur of forced smiles and fake laughs. Yunho played the boyfriend role too well-his hand always on the small of your back, his smile charming, his jokes just sharp enough to make people second-guess if he was serious.
He smiled at everyone. He remembered names. He told a story about how you met that was so ridiculous it made people laugh-something about tripping over him in the hallway and calling him a "6-foot inconvenience."
You were getting used to it-his heat beside you, the soft pressure of his hand at your waist-until it happened.
He walked in.
Your ex.
Wearing the same smug expression he always had when he thought he was the smartest man in the room. And he wasn't alone-some gorgeous, sharp-dressed person was clinging to his arm like arm candy. You stiffened, heart racing. But Yunho noticed before you could even say a word.
"So this is the infamous ex?" Yunho leans down to whisper as your ghost-from-the-past walks toward you with a drink in hand.
"He's not infamous. He's just... trash."
"Want me to punch him or just look hot?"
"You already look hot."
Yunho smirks.
Your ex approaches with a smile that tries too hard.
"Didn't think you'd come."
"Didn't think you'd care," you fire back sweetly.
Yunho didn't hesitate.
He pulled you closer—so close your spine registered the steady, rhythmic rise and fall of his chest—and pressed a lingering, tender kiss to your temple. The warmth of his breath contrasted sharply with the glacial, predatory edge that entered his demeanor the moment he turned his gaze toward your ex. His voice was all honey-slick composure, dripping with an effortless charm that completely masked the underlying warning.
Extending one hand in a casual, expectant gesture of greeting, he kept his other arm securely banded around your waist, holding you flush against him as if nothing could ever pry you apart.
"Hey, man. I'm Yunho. I don't think we've met." he said, offering his hand for a shake, his tone dripping with polished hospitality.
Your ex stared down at Yunho's extended hand for a fraction of a second, a flicker of irritation crossing his face before he reluctantly reached out to shake it. Yunho’s grip was firm, almost crushing, anchoring the handshake a beat longer than polite society dictated before dropping it effortlessly.
Then, your ex raised an eyebrow, looking past Yunho to you.
"You brought a date?"
"Boyfriend," Yunho corrected smoothly before you could say anything, his smile never reaching his eyes, though the delivery was as casual as if he were discussing the weather. "Of two years."
You elbowed him sharply in the ribs, a silent reprimand for the sheer absurdity of the timeline he had just invented on the spot. He didn't even flinch; instead, he simply tightened his grip, anchoring you even closer to his side.
You stared up at his profile, completely dumbfounded, your eyes wide as you looked at him as though he had suddenly sprouted wings. Or horns. Or perhaps both.
"Though she still refuses to stop stealing my hoodies."
You nearly choked on your champagne. Your ex faltered. Yet you didn't miss it. His gaze flicked between you and Yunho, and something about his sudden smirk made your stomach churn.
"Didn't think you were the type to settle down."
Yunho's hand moved lower-dangerously close to your hip. You glanced at him in warning, but he just smiled and kissed your cheek.
"She's not the one who ran."
It was soft. But it landed like a slap. Your ex's face twitched.
You grabbed Yunho's hand, tugging him toward the hallway near the restrooms.
"We're getting more champagne," you lied.
Once out of sight, you spun around.
"What was that?"
Yunho shrugged, innocent.
"What? Was I too convincing?"
You opened your mouth-but then he stepped forward. Close. Way too close.
"You're shaking."
"I'm not-"
His hand came up, cupping your jaw. Gentle, grounding.
"You don't have to pretend for me." His voice was lower now, intimate, quiet. "But if I'm gonna pretend for you, I'm going all in."
Your breath caught.
You hated how close he was. You hated how your chest fluttered. You hated that he smelled like expensive cologne and warmth and something unfairly addictive.
"Yunho..."
He leaned in, lips brushing yours.
You panicked. "Rule number one."
"No kissing unless we're in public?" he murmured, backing you gently into the wall. His arm braced beside your head.
He tilted his cap slightly and grinned. "And right now we're in public."
Damn it.
You glared and whispered. "You're evil."
Your breath hitching as his thumb slid up to rest right against the pulse fluttering in your jaw. Fast. Erractic. Traitorous.
"Yeah," he whispered, his grin ghosting across your lips. "But I look good doing it."
For two agonizing seconds, the space between your mouths shrank to absolute zero. You braced yourself, your hand tightening on the lapel of his jacket— to push him away or pull him closer, you weren't even sure.
But Yunho didn't close the gap.
Instead, he tilted his head, his gaze dropping to your mouth before lingering on the nervous flutter of your throat. A low, quiet chuckle vibrated through his chest.
"I'm a man of my word. I don't cheat."
Your heart was hammering so loudly against your ribs you were convinced he could feel it through his shirt. "You're enjoying this way too much."
He pulled back just an inch, his eyes gleaming with infuriating triumph.
You absolute bastard.
You almost mouthed those words. But your brain was still trying to process whatever just happened. It was as if you could still felt the electricity through your body even if Yunho was now standing less closer. But still too close.
You swallowed hard, trying to regain some semblance of the composure you’d spent the last week practicing in front of your mirror.
"You're impossible," you muttered, smoothing the front of your dress with trembling fingers.
Yunho’s expression softened, the sharp, defensive edge he’d worn for your ex completely dissolving. He reached out, his thumb gently brushing across your cheekbone—not with the theatrical flair of an actor playing to a crowd, but with a quiet, grounding tenderness that made your breath catch all over again.
"Hey," he said softly, his voice losing its teasing cadence. "Seriously, you okay?"
The genuine concern in his eyes was almost worse than the flirting. It was disarming.
"I'm fine," you lied, looking away toward the hallway entrance.
"I just... didn't expect him to bring someone. And I definitely didn't expect my fake boyfriend to invent a two-year relationship and threaten a man with a handshake."
Yunho let out a low chuckle, stepping back just enough to give you some breathing room, though he kept his hands casually tucked into his slacks.
"Someone had to remind him what he lost," Yunho said simply, though there was no malice in it now—just a quiet certainty that made your stomach flip in an entirely different way.
"I know seeing him must suck. I can take you home if you want. We can leave him and his little arm candy to choke on their champagne."
You looked up at him, caught off guard by the sudden shift.
Underneath the swagger, the designer clothes, and the fake boyfriend theatrims, Yunho was actually paying attention. He had seen right through your sharp comebacks back there.
Your shoulders dropped just a fraction, the tension finally beginning to drain out of your spine.
"No," you said softly, a genuine, small smile finally touching your lips. "No way am I letting him think he chased me away. We're staying."
Yunho’s expression softened into a look that made your stomach flip all over again—this time, without any help from the ex.
"That's my girl," he murmured, offering his arm to you with a mock-formal bow that made your eyes rolled.
The walk back onto the rooftop terrace felt entirely different from the first time you stepped through the glass doors. The low thrum of ambient jazz and the chatter of old acquaintances no longer felt like a hostile tribunal waiting to pass judgment. With Yunho’s solid, warm frame walking beside you—his hand resting with casual, proprietary weight on the small of your back—the room seemed to shrink into something manageable. Your ex and his impeccably dressed companion were nowhere in sight, swallowed up by the sprawling crowd near the illuminated bar, but the phantom sting of their presence had completely evaporated.
The rest of the evening blurred into a surreal montage of stolen glances, lingering touches, and a level of domestic choreography that felt entirely too natural for a couple who had invented their relationship over a late-night phone call.
You traded polite pleasantries with people you had spent years trying to forget, laughed at jokes that were only mildly painful, and watched with secret amusement as Yunho effortlessly charmed a cluster of former sorority sisters who were hanging on his every word. He played the devoted partner with terrifying perfection, leaning in close to whisper ridiculous commentary into your ear that forced you to bite the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing out loud. For the first time all evening, the knot of anxiety in your chest dissolved into a warm, buzzing hum of pure adrenaline.
By the time the rooftop bar’s string lights began to dim and the crowd thinned out, your ex was nowhere to be seen—having apparently decided that getting systematically out-maneuvered by a six-foot blonde neighbor in a black cap wasn't how he wanted to spend his Tuesday night.
The ride back to your apartment building was quiet, wrapped in the comfortable hum of the city at 2:00 a.m.
When the elevator doors dinged on your floor, you stepped out into the dimly lit hallway, your heels clicking against the carpet. You reached your door, fumbling through your small clutch for your keys, hyper-aware of Yunho standing just a few inches away, leaning casually against the doorframe of his own apartment directly across from yours.
"Well," you said, forcing a bright, casual tone as you finally fished the keys out. "The fake boyfriend act was a 10 out of 10. You deserve an Oscar. Or at least some free drink."
Yunho didn't move. He crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes catching the amber glow of the hallway sconce.
"I'm a man of expensive tastes. A free drink won't cut it anymore."
You unlocked your door and pushed it open, turning back to face him with a smirk. "Right. Well, thank you. For saving me back there. I owe you one."
"You certainly do," Yunho agreed, his voice dropping to that low, smooth register that made your skin tingle.
He pushed off the doorframe and took a slow step toward you, closing the distance until he was standing right on your threshold.
The air between you suddenly felt entirely too thin.
"Don't forget," he murmured, his gaze dipping briefly to your mouth before rising to lock with yours, "My cousin's wedding. You're returning the favor."
You swallowed hard, your fingers tightening around the edge of the door. "I remember. Three weeks."
"Good," Yunho whispered, his hand coming up to rest on the doorframe right beside your head, caging you in just enough to make your breath hitch. "Because my family is ruthless. You're going to have to pretend you're madly in love with me."
Before you could think of a sufficiently sarcastic response to mask the frantic pounding of your heart, Yunho smiled—a slow, knowing, dangerous thing—and stepped back.
"Sleep well, neighbor," he said softly, turning away and walking across the hall to unlock his own door.
You stood frozen in your doorway for a full ten seconds, watching him disappear inside his apartment before the door clicked shut. You closed your own door, leaned your back against it, and slid slowly down to the floor.
Three weeks until his family's wedding.
You touched your fingertips to your temple where his breath had brushed hours ago, realizing with a sudden, terrifying jolt that the hardest part of the fake dating arrangement wasn't going to be surviving his family.
It was going to be surviving yourself.
Thanks for reading me ! Hope you like it so far ? Let me know your thoughts? ? Wanna see Yunho break the rules yet or no ?? 🫣🤭
Honestly I was planning to do a short OS at first but maybe I should do a full fanfic ?
What do you think ? 🤔
Keep it as short 2/3 part OS 🥰
Make it a full slow burn FF 😏🤪
Remaining time: 4 days 17 hours
🎧 Playlist : Lovefool - The Cardigans | Greek God - Conan Grey | Treacherous - Taylor Swift | Adore you - Harry Styles
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Summary: “People don't stay. They inspect the wreckage, realize how much work you are, and walk away.”
A one-shot about anxiety, the terror of being truly loved, and learning that some people refuse to let go, no matter how messy the wreckage gets. ☁️☕️💛
Playlist : Hard to love ; Shadow ; Lighters ; Ghost town
"Hey ! Wait !" His voice shouted out loud.
I left. I fucking ran away. My lungs burned with a frantic, useless rhythm, screaming for oxygen I couldn't force inside.
In. Out. Why couldn't I breathe?
My fingers went numb and tingly, and the world began to tilt. My heartbeat boomed in my ears, drowning out my own footsteps. The air tasted like copper and static. I clawed at my collarbone, desperate to rip open some space, but a vice gripped my ribs and locked them solid, while my heart hammered hard enough to blur my vision.
He wasn't the problem. I was.
I hated myself for that. But it wasn't his fault. It was mine, and mine only. I was better away from him...
In fact I was probably better away from anyone.
The asphalt blurred beneath my chaotic footsteps, the cold night air tearing at my throat, yet I couldn't stop. Every breath felt like inhaling shards of glass, my chest constricting tighter with every frantic stride. The panic attack was peaking, stripping away my defenses, leaving me raw, exposed, and entirely overwhelmed by the suffocating narrative in my own mind: You are too much, and yet never enough. Anyone who stays long enough will eventually leave. They always ended up leaving you.
My knees buckled. Gravity suddenly felt ten times heavier, and the pavement rushed up to meet me.
But I never hit the ground.
Strong arms caught me around the waist, hauling me backward out of my desperate, stumbling sprint and yanking me firmly against a broad, solid wall. A familiar, grounding warmth enveloped me, cutting through the static in my brain.
San.
A sharp intake of breath brushed against my hair—his breath.
"Hey, hey, hey—look at me," San’s voice cracked, laced with a raw, terrifying edge of panic I had never heard before. "Don't do this. Please. Look at my eyes."
I didn't deserve this.
"I've got you," his voice murmured, desperate yet steady against my ear.
I’ve got you.
The words echoed in my skull, dangerous and sweet, sparking a terrifying ache in my chest.
How many times had I heard variations of that lie before?
People always said they had you—until things got too messy, too heavy, too broken.
One of his large hands slid up to cup the back of my neck, while the other banded tightly around my ribs, anchoring my trembling frame.
"Match my breathing, okay? Just try. In... and out."
He didn't let go, even as my body shook with the violent aftershocks of the panic. He stayed right there, holding me together when I was entirely convinced I was shattering into pieces.
It infuriated me how safe I felt in his arms. It terrified me even more. His touch only made the walls cave in harder.
Why are you holding on? I wanted to scream. Just let go. Everyone always does.
Yet the frantic noise in my head was quieting down enough as I was staring blindly at the fabric of his jacket, my mind drifted backward, retracing the steps that had led us to this agonizingly intimate precipice.
How did I let him get this close?
How did we even get here? How did I end up here in his arms? How did I let a stranger—someone who smiled so brightly it hurt—slice past every defense I had so carefully built?
✧───⋆｡°❅°｡⋆☕︎˚ʚ❆ɞ˚☕︎⋆｡°❅°｡⋆───✧
It started on a —typical and boring— Tuesday that felt like every other invisible day of my life. I was sitting in the corner of that cramped little cafe where nobody ever looked twice at me. My phone buzzed with a cancellation text for the third time that week—someone else picking a better option, leaving me stranded as usual.
I had tried to blink back the stupid, predictable sting of tears, staring blindly at my laptop screen.
"Is this seat taken?"
I had looked up to find him standing there, balancing an iced Americano in one hand and a ridiculously bright smile on his face. Tilting his head with those dark, yet soft and curious eyes.
"No," my voice had come out far too small, my thumb instinctively rubbing over the screen of my phone where the cancellation text still stared back at me like a tiny monument to my own irrelevance.
He didn't just sit down; he settled in with an easy, unbothered grace, pulling out his laptop and earbuds, giving me all the space in the world. He didn't pry. He didn't offer pity. But somewhere between that first accidental Tuesday and the following weeks, he started showing up at the exact hours I buried myself in my laptop. At first, it was just polite nods, a shared table when the shop was packed, and the occasional soft-spoken observation about the miserable weather. Then came the afternoon he slid a strawberry milk across the table because he somehow noticed I usually went for it, but that day I just ordered tap water.
"On me," he had said, flashing that warm, crinkly-eyed smile that made it physically impossible to protest. "You look like you need something sweet today."
That was the first crack in the armor.
It wasn't a grand, sweeping romance. It was a slow, stubborn erosion. He became a fixture I hadn't asked for, but secretly didn't know how to live without. We bumped into each other at that same cafe the next Tuesday, and the Tuesday after that.
Weeks melted into a strange, hesitant rhythm. We became the kind of quiet fixtures in each other’s routines who didn't know each other’s names yet, but knew how the other took their coffee.
At some point we ended up exchanging names. Then social media handles. Then late-night text threads about nothing at all.
He learned my boundaries without me ever having to spell them out. If I went quiet, he didn't demand explanations; he just sat beside me in comfortable silence. If I canceled plans because my anxiety spiked, he didn't guilt-trip me, but he still checked out on me with a simple text.
When I pulled late nights at the library or the cramped corner of a diner, a steaming cup of tteokbokki or a convenience store hot pack would magically appear on my desk, accompanied by a little sticky note with a poorly drawn smiley face.
He didn't rush me. When my walls went up, when I went silent for days out of sheer panic that I was becoming a burden, San never pushed. He simply waited patiently on the other side of my defenses, respecting every invisible boundary I drew, yet refusing to drift away.
Before I realized it, he became an impossible habit to break. He didn’t back away from my awkward silence or my guarded glances. He showed up with convenience store snacks when he knew I was pulling late hours. He texted random, stupid photos of stray cats just to see me smile. He made me feel seen in a world where I was usually invisible.
And that was precisely why it was terrifying.
Never let them get too close, a cynical voice inside my head warned me every time my chest fluttered around him. People don't stay. They inspect the wreckage, realize how much work you are, and walk away.
It was a lesson life had taught me early and often.
Childhood flashed behind my eyelids: being the afterthought choice for group projects, the kid picked last in gym class, the perennial loner who spent her lunch breaks hiding in the school library while everyone else laughed outside.
Then came the past friendships: people who claimed they loved me, right up until my anxiety, my heavy silences, or my constant, desperate need for reassurance became "too exhausting" to handle.
And romantic relationships? Non-existent. Either because I wasn't pretty enough to look twice at, or because I preemptively locked the door before anyone could ever get close enough to reject me.
I was a ghost walking through my own life, convinced I was fundamentally unlovable.
You can't miss what was never truly yours to begin with, right?
So why did San's persistent warmth feel like a sun I desperately wanted to step into, even though I knew it would burn me to ash?
I remembered the first night he stayed past midnight just because I couldn't stop shaking from a nightmare. I remembered the way he looked at me across the kitchen table few weeks ago, smiling like I hung the stars, while my chest tightened with a cold, creeping terror.
How could he look at me like that when I was still picking up the jagged pieces of myself? People like San didn't stay with broken things. They fixed them just enough to leave.
Every laugh, every soft touch, every whispered secret had felt like building a house on a fault line.
"You know, you look at me like I'm holding a ticking time bomb," San had said one rainy afternoon, sliding a steaming cup of coffee across the small wooden table toward me.
I had looked away instantly, feeling the familiar prick of defensive shame.
"Maybe you are. I'm not easy to deal with, San."
San hadn't looked frustrated or put off, as others had in the past. Instead, his dark eyes had softened with a depth of patience that terrified me more than any anger could have.
"Let me decide that for myself," he had said softly, resting his hand over mine on the table. Even then, my instinct had been to pull away, to invent a flaw or pick a fight just to make him walk away first.
✧───⋆｡°❅°｡⋆☕︎˚ʚ❆ɞ˚☕︎⋆｡°❅°｡⋆───✧
The memory evaporated, pulling me violently back to the cold pavement, pressed tight against the solid warmth of his chest.
My breathing was finally steadying, the jagged edges of the panic attack receding into a dull, throbbing ache behind my eyes. But the emotional storm was just beginning.
I hated how his arms felt like home. I hated how much I wanted to believe him when he said he had me.
With a choked gasp, I shoved my hands hard against his chest, breaking away from his embrace. The sudden loss of warmth left me shivering, the biting night air rushing in to fill the space between us.
San stumbled back half a step, his hands hovering in mid-air, a look of sheer bewilderment and hurt flashing across his features.
"Hey—what's wrong?" he asked softly, his voice dropping into that gentle register that always made my defenses crack. "I've got you. You're safe."
"Stop saying that!" I snapped, my voice breaking on a sob as tears finally spilled over my lashes. I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, building the wall back up with shaking hands. "Stop holding on to me, San! Stop showing up! You don't know what you're dealing with."
"Try me," he urged, taking a slow, careful step closer, refusing to back down. The warmth of his arms felt both like a sanctuary and a trap.
"Let me go, San," I choked out, my hands trembling as I tried to pry his fingers away from where they were locked protectively around my jacket. The closeness was suffocating—not because of the panic, but because it felt entirely too good. Too safe.
And that terrified me more than anything else.
"I'm not letting you go anywhere," he murmured fiercely into my hair, his grip tightening rather than loosening as my knees wobbled again. "You don't have to run from me. I'm not going anywhere."
"You don't know me!" I sobbed, the ugly truth finally clawing its way out of my throat. "I am not worth staying for, so stop trying!"
He went still behind me. For a second, the only sound was the harsh rattle of my breathing. Then, slow and deliberate, he turned me around so I had no choice, finally, but to look into his eyes.
"Why are you still here?" I whispered, my voice cracking, barely audible over the wind. "Why didn't you just let me run?"
San pulled back slightly, his thumbs gently wiping away the stray tears tracking down my cold cheeks. His gaze was fierce, steady, and entirely unconditional.
"Why are you running away from the one person who actually wants to stay?" San said, his voice thick with emotion.
"I'm too broken, okay?" I cried out, the ugly truth tearing its way out of my throat after years of keeping it buried. "I ruin things! Nobody chooses me first, San, and they never will! Everyone always leaves me eventually, and I am so tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm saving us both the trouble. Just leave. Walk away now, before you realize how exhausting I actually am."
San stared at me, the streetlights catching the shimmer of disbelief in his eyes. For a terrifying second, I thought he would do it. I thought he would look at the mess of me, recognize the burden, and finally turn around.
Instead, he closed the distance between us. He didn't ask for permission this time; he simply captured my trembling hands in his warm, steady grip, pulling my fingers away from my defensive cross-chest barrier. He pressed my hands flat against his chest, right over his steady, beating heart.
"Listen to me," San whispered, fierce and unwavering, his dark eyes locking onto mine with an intensity that stole the remaining air from my lungs. "You think you're too broken to be loved, but you don't have to fight me away to protect yourself anymore. I'm not them. I didn't wander into your life by accident, and I'm sure as hell not looking for an exit."
He brushed a stray tear from my cheek with his thumb, his touch achingly tender.
"You're terrified because you're used to being an option," San continued, his voice softening, wrapping around my bruised heart like a bandage. "Let me show you what it feels like to be someone's first choice. Every single day. I'm not going anywhere."
For the first time in my life, looking into his eyes, the armor chipped away completely—and I finally let myself believe him. Standing there in the grip of someone who refused to let me fall, a terrifying, impossible thought crept past my defenses: Maybe... just maybe... he isn't going to leave.
☕️ Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading! This one took a little piece of my heart to write. San deserves all the softest hugs, and so do you if you're feeling a little heavy today.
Drop a comment or reblog if you enjoyed this! Alsos do not hesitate to send me request ans let me know what you want to see next. (But please read my pinned post to see my rules before sending any requests!)
🎧 Playlist: Hard to Love — Black pink | Shadow — Austin Mahone | Lighters — Bruno Mars | Ghost Town — Benson Boone
A crossover nobody asked for, but here we are: Ateez x Ana Huang's Men
I'm not apologizing for this dangerous take. I'm just obsessed with these books, so I had to make a post. Basically, I'm going to make every crossover possible out of my current obsessions, so take it or leave it 🙃
If any of you happen to have read all the books or are currently reading them, tell me what you think of this, or even drop your own takes—I'm curious 👀🤭.
Ps : Also, I didn't include the If Love and God Games series because I haven't read them yet!
Hongjoong - Dante Russo (King of Wrath)
The Archetype: The Ambitious Perfectionist / Cold Exterior with a Hidden Devotional Core.
The Vibe: Elegantly ruthless, high-powered, meticulous, and secretly deeply passionate. Impeccably tailored three-piece suits, an office that smells like expensive cologne and power, and a gaze that could slice glass.
Why it fits: Hongjoong has that fierce captain energy, commanding presence, and a sharp eye for perfection. He shares Dante’s fierce need for control, meticulous attention to detail, and low tolerance for incompetence. He runs his life, his career, and his empire with an iron fist. On the surface, he appears completely detached—a man wedded only to his ambitions. But introduce the one person who breaches his defenses, and his cold composure fractures entirely. He becomes ruthlessly protective, showing his love not through soft words, but by quietly dismantling anyone who dares cross or disrespect his partner.
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Seonghwa - Xavier Castillo (King of Sloth)
The Archetype: The Stoic Powerhouse with a Hidden, Devouring Obsession.
The Vibe: Sharp tailored suits, quiet confidence, an imposing aura, and a look that promises he notices every single thing you do. An office overlooking a glittering skyline, and a love that is steady, deep, and unyielding.
Why it fits: Seonghwa has that duality of striking elegance and intense, brooding passion. Xavier is a man who seems untouchable and unbothered, but harbors an all-consuming devotion beneath the surface. Seonghwa’s natural grace paired with his fierce, unyielding dedication maps onto Xavier's character effortlessly. He is the man who stays quiet and composed, but whose loyalty and love will quietly reshape the world for the one he holds dear.
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Yunho - Josh Chen (Twisted Hate)
The Archetype: The Mischievous Tease with a Fierce Protective Streak.
The Vibe: Casual luxury, bright smiles hiding a sharp edge, playful smirks, and an energy that fills the entire room. Medical scrubs or crisp shirts, messy hair, and a laugh that masks a terrifyingly deep capacity to protect his own.
Why it fits: Yunho radiates a bright, comforting energy that completely disarms people, perfectly matching Josh Chen's signature mix of cocky banter, medical-grade brilliance, and golden-retriever-meets-ferce-protector vibes. Beneath the playful teasing and flashing smiles, Josh is fiercely devoted and fiercely protective. Yunho captures that exact dual nature—someone who loves to push buttons just to see his partner react, but would tear the world apart if anyone else tried to hurt them.
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Yeosang - Rhys Larsen (Twisted Games)
The Archetype: The Stoic Protector / Duty-Bound Bodyguard.
The Vibe: Crisp black uniforms, razor-sharp discipline, piercing direct stares, and an unbreakable moral code. Silent strength, shadowed doorways, and a love that defies every rule.
Why it fits: Yeosang has a naturally stoic, regal composure and a gaze that speaks volumes without needing words. He embodies the quiet strength and unwavering duty of Rhys Larsen. He’s fiercely loyal, emotionally grounded, and holds an intense, brooding protectiveness. When he commits, he crosses oceans and defies nations just to keep his person safe.
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San - Kai Young (King of Pride)
The Archetype: The Charming Socialite with a Darkly Obsessive Core.
The Vibe: Impeccably tailored velvet tuxedos, a lethal smile that hides sharp teeth, sparkling galas, and an intensity that borders on madness. The definition of "I would burn the world for you, and smile while I do it."
Why it fits: San is universally fan-cast as Kai for a reason—he possesses that exact blend of breathtaking, high-fashion elegance and explosive, wild stage presence. Kai Young hides his intense, obsessive devotion behind a mask of polished charm and effortless charisma. San mirrors that razor-sharp duality: sweet and playful one second, and utterly unhinged with passion the next. His devotion would cross any line.
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Mingi - Christian Harper (Twisted Lies)
The Archetype: The Dangerously Devoted Protector with a Soft Spot for Only One.
The Vibe: All-black streetwear, dark luxury, an imposing physical presence, and a quiet, intense aura. A lethal force who looks like a work of art and burns the world for his person.
Why it fits: Mingi has that deep, rumbling voice and an imposing physical presence that can fill a room instantly, yet he has the sweetest, most endearing giggles off-stage—giving him the ultimate Christian Harper duality. Christian is a man fiercely, unhinged-ly protective of the woman who owns his heart. Mingi’s intense stage gaze screams dangerous power, paired with a profound, absolute loyalty that would cross any line for his partner.
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Wooyoung - Sebastian Laurent (King of Gluttony)
The Archetype: The Indulgent, Hedonistic Playboy Who Falls Hardest.
The Vibe: Designer silk shirts, sultry smirks, exclusive VIP lounges, expensive champagne, and a razor-sharp wit. A man who wants to consume every single piece of you.
Why it fits: Wooyoung is pure, unfiltered charisma, dripping with confidence and playful tease—matching Sebastian’s indulgent, magnetic lifestyle. Beneath the glamorous surface and provocative smirk, Sebastian is a man of fierce obsession and deep, consuming loyalty. Wooyoung captures that electric, magnetic pull where you can't tell if he's about to tease his partner or drag them into a dark room. When he falls, he falls with absolute, addictive intensity.
───
Jongho - Alex Volkov (Twisted Love)
The Archetype: The Brooding Monster Who Only Bleeds for Her.
The Vibe: Tailored black coats, penthouse suites overlooking a freezing city skyline, icy glares that freeze enemies in place, and a terrifying capability for vengeance.
Why it fits: Jongho is the powerhouse anchor of ATEEZ—strong, reliable, unshakeable, and possessing an intense, fierce focus. He fits Alex Volkov’s formidable, intimidating presence. Alex is a man defined by trauma and vengeance, entirely dead inside to everyone except his woman. Jongho’s strong jawline, piercing stare, and aura of absolute authority make him the ultimate icy billionaire who would destroy a city just to wipe a tear from his girl's face.
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Anyway, please tell me if I completely crazy or if I'm a genius. Reblog with your thoughts or tell me which ATEEZ member belongs to which book universe.
